We see the "fulfilling the last will" trope in movies all the time. Someone's rich somebody dies, and they stumble into some fortune or another because of the last will. If screenwriters really want to shake things up, they add in some condition to the will, like having to spend a night in a haunted house or something. But honestly speaking, this stuff never happens in real life... right?
One Reddit user asked:
Look; we don't want to spoil your plans, but it looks like forcing your relatives to run a dangerous cross-country relay race to decide who gets to care for your beloved chiweenie after you're dead isn't legally enforceable. We know. We were bummed, too. Corndog deserves better than this. (If you have a Chiweenie and you didn't name it Corndog, you missed a golden opportunity, folks.)
Here are some of our favorite responses:
Military lawyer here. Had a young client come in for a will before deployment. He put a request to be buried in blue jeans, a Chris Jericho t-shirt, and his replica WWE championship belt. Happily, this airman didn't meet any misfortune on his deployment.
I worked at an attorney office and little older lady gave her house and her belongings to a bus driver. The bus driver was nice to her and would help her, we were all waiting for hell to break loose when her family found out.
Not a lawyer, but paralegal. We had a dying client in hospital change her Will by recording it on a smart phone. It set a precedent and made the local paper. The lawyer in question has the page from the newspaper framed in his office.
The Great Stork Derby
The Great Stork Derby was when a wealthy Canadian left a substantial amount of money to whichever woman had the most children in the 10 years following his death. It was upheld through numerous court battles and 4 women tied with 9 children each. Two women were also given smaller payouts. One had 10 children (2 were stillborn), and another had more than 9 kids, but a few were illegitimate.
The guy also had some other interesting things in his will and was a known practical joker.
Where I went to college, there's an oak tree that was deeded to itself in a man's will. Now called The Tree That Owns Itself, it sits in the middle of a road and you have to go to one lane to drive around it. Story is that a man loved the tree so much as a kid, that around the time he died in the 1830's, he gave the tree possession of itself. This technically wouldn't stand up in a court of law, but the county and local populace has accepted it and takes care of it. The original tree actually died and the current one is a product of one of the acorns of the original!
I work for a lawyer who does wills.
We've had a lady put in her will that one of her adult sons was not to receive his share until he visited a dentist and the other son lost 70lbs.
Another lady put in her will that she wanted her cats cremated with her when she died. Euthanized to be buried with her. I was so pissed off. I told the lawyer that's absolute bullshit. And though she agreed she had to put in as instructed and hoped that living family members at the time of her death wouldn't uphold that part. Told her that's not going to happen, human remains and animal remains do not get cremated at once. So she settled on cremated separately and joined together, then buried together.
This Family Was All Shook Up
One of my uncles was really rich and really crazy... not in the good way. We almost never saw him, he visited us maybe once every ten years. The last time he did, he flew in just to take us to Denny's. He met my brother in an airport, was there for an hour, ate, and got on another plane and went home.
When he died he had no friends. He had driven his wife to basically drink herself to death a few years prior, so she was gone too. He left his entire estate to an Elvis impersonator. Everything.
I was a witness to one where the lady wanted to make sure her daughter divorced her husband (when she had no intentions of doing so) if she wanted her part of the estate. Thankfully that is not legally enforceable so nothing came from it.
Estate lawyer here. I once had true believers who were convinced the rapture was imminent and only saw the value of completing their estate plan when I explained the mess those of us left behind would have to deal with, including their stuff.
Embezzlement and Bigamy in the PhillipinesGiphy
I mean, it's not that crazy. It's depressingly predictable. Rich old aunt the only one in her huge family with any money, having been a doctor on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. She set up a living trust to take care of her poor relations in the Philippines, to continue as a death trust whenever she died. Her favorite niece was in control of the trust, and of course the niece was responsible and even handed and never ever embezzled any of the money to set herself up as a newspaper publisher and concert producer and media mogul with new expensive cars and lots of first class pan Pacific travel, nope, not her.
Hahaha of course the trustee did all that. Hundreds of thousands of dollars missing, and an unholy mess of sifting through money transfers and property purchases in three countries. The niece also had a bigamous marriage to some loser in the Phillipines (her legal husband in north america was bedridden and dying slowly), to whom she sent buckets of her aunt's money to build a luxury villa. She vehemently denied such a relationship existed. She also had photos of the "wedding" on her Facebook page. Not the smartest embezzler out there.
From where I sat, in the attorney's office representing the poor relations trying to stop the trustee's embezzlement, the craziest part of it all was that after years of fighting, we finally got complete financial disclosure for the trust on like December 22, and it was such a Christmas miracle that I almost put off my Christmas trip to NYC to gleefully pour through every poorly redacted line of it. Also, we had the rich old aunt's ashes sitting on our bookshelf for years, since the dispute about what to do with her remains was part of it all.
One Third Of One Percent
The lawyer who did my & my husband's will told us this one.
This couple had 3 children whose jobs were doctor, lawyer, and teacher. They split their assets 33/33/34, in favor of the teacher who earned less money than the doctor and lawyer. The doctor and lawyer contested the will over .33% each.
This is why our lawyer recommended that we include a clause in our will to exclude anyone who contested our will.
Lawyer here: two years ago a guy (70s, grandpa) came in to my old firm to revise his will to give something to everyone except this one granddaughter who was about 17-19. The reason? He saw her uhh.... sexy social media postings.
It's Over Because Of Rover
I don't normally do wills in my practice, but when I passed the bar I had a friend who insisted that I do his will. He was trying to give me business, which is incredibly kind. He was a middle aged, single guy, so it was simple enough. When we sat down to do the paperwork, the first thing I asked him about was who he wanted to take his dog if he died before the dog.
He had never thought about it before, and he just could not handle the thought of leaving his dog. He made excuses and begged off for a long time before just abandoning writing his will. I completely understand, it's not like a fun thing to do.
A Dollar And A Note
Not a lawyer, but had a fun story with my grandma's brother's will.
For the last 10 to 15 yrs he had been paying child support and sending money to this lady who he said was his girlfriend and the child "they had together".
For years his other children and my grandma had been trying to convince him that the girl was obviously not his.
The "girlfriend" would appear only on payday and stay the bare minimum. The girl called another guy dad and had his last name. The "girlfriend" insisted he was her friend, but the other children found out he lived with her and all. It was obvious to everyone, except to my great-uncle who we believe was just happy for a nice-looking lady to visit him.
He payed for their whole lives, house/school/vacations.
The day he died she was the first one at the door.
He left her and her kid $1 each, with a note saying he had given them their inheritance while alive.
Disclaimer, this was a story told to me by an estates attorney.
Deceased's (father) son was a prior client of the attorney. Son did not really talk his father but wanted to make sure estate was wrapped up properly. They did not know if a will existed but knew dad had a safety deposit box.
Get a court order to open the box and sure enough a will was in there. The will though left a lions share of his estate (maybe a few thousand dollars) to a woman who no one knew. In with the will were also pictures of a nude woman and a stage name something like "cinnamon" or "candy," written on the back. They were able to put 2 and 2 together and realized that the father had left part of his estate to a stripper who he enjoyed visiting in his older age.
She had no idea and they had to track her down which was also a nightmare I'm told. Imagine teams of lawyers going to strip clubs trying to find this specific dancer. They finally found her and she came to the office for a check accompanied by a "male friend" (lawyer assumes he was a pimp). She ended up receiving, as I mentioned above, a few thousand but it always got me how the old guy left nude photos of her to help identify her.
Not a lawyer, a financial adviser. A woman left about a million USD to her horse. My client is a horse. We manage his investments...the sister of the deceased pulls out about 3-4% annually to care for the beneficiary of the trust.
Not in the will, but my mother left her estate to me, and my four brothers, share and share alike. My oldest brother was physically, and mentally disabled. A few days before she died, she asked one of my other brothers to have all of us turn our shares over to my disabled brother.
Keep in mind; he was getting disability, lived in a nice group home, had all of his medical covered, and risked losing all of this if he had any substantial assets. Also, they asked that the money be put into an irrevocable trust. This means that if my brother passed, the money would go to the State of Pennsylvania.
My brother was in very poor health, and my Mother's wishes were never codified into her written will. We met for a breakfast meeting (me, and my three other brothers), and two of us agreed to the trust, two of us did not. I did not. I have an adult disabled daughter, and was much more fluent in the ins and out of providing for a disabled child. I didn't want to come across as greedy, or mean, but I knew what the irrevocable trust meant, and they didn't. There was no bad blood, and we all respected each other's decisions.
While my brother was in the process of setting up the trust, our disabled brother died of natural causes related to this disability. Two of us had chosen to not make an emotional decision in the wake of my mother's death. In the end, her wishes never came to fruition because of my brother's death - but if we had all agreed to these wishes, the State of Pennsylvania would have made out like a bandit.
My 2 Cents
My brother used to be a paralegal, and he said that a group of three siblings (I believe two brothers and a sister) almost came to blows because the inheritance didn't divide into three evenly; there were two pennies left over.
We had a man put in his will that his family was to go to the zoo immediately after his burial (that day). We thought that was more heart warming.
My dad is a lawyer. He once wrote a will for a man who was in his late 80's and had end stage cancer. He was a big fan of weapons and wanted to give them to my dad. The old man said he wanted to give dad two shotguns, a Glock and a revolver. My dad totally wanted them, but rather than take them right away he recommended that they just be written in the will. My country's law says you can only own 5 weapons at a time, but if you inherit them, it doesn't add to the limit. My dad had already 4 at the time so he would have to give some up if the old man just gave him the guns.
So they made a testament and in the written will he gave him the weapons - except for the revolver. He said it was "because it was his favorite and didn't want to give it away yet." My dad said he instantly had a bad feeling that there was another reason the man wanted to keep it. Two weeks later the guy shot himself - with that revolver.
Dad still hasn't got the revolver because the police still have it in possession as evidence. Dad said he felt like this guy wanted the choice to end his life on his own terms instead if waiting for the cancer to win.
Remember way back when the internet wasn't a flaming dumpster fire?
Yeah, us either.
The internet has always been a mess, but it's also always been beautiful.
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"Giphy
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."Giphy
The Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."Giphy
Figuring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."Giphy
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"Giphy
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."Giphy
A Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."Giphy
Go Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."Giphy
It Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."Giphy
We Used To Love Yahoo
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."Giphy
On a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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