Lawyers are not the devil. In fact we need people of the law to make sure we're all getting a fair shake. Lawyers take an oath to uphold the constitution and law by any means necessary. Everyone is entitled to competent representation. No matter what. And often that representation may cause some issues. But the law is the law. Fair or not. Let's look further into how we fix that.
Redditor u/ahtemsah wanted all the lawyers reading to share some life lessons.... we're listening to your pain... you were asked.... [Serious] lawyers, what's a case you regretted winning?
I'm a work comp attorney. Now represent injured people, but used to work on other side insurance defense.
There was an applicant with a serious injury. Fell off a ladder, busted back with fusion, shoulder screwed, years of treatment. Internal issues, psych issues - really just messed up. 50%+ permanent disability. We were 5 years in and finally getting to settlement time. If we bought out his future medical, settlement pretty far into 6 figures. This guy was the sole provider for wife and 2 kids.
Then we found out he had a aggressive brain cancer. Expected only couple years to live, at best.
Thus, we wouldn't buy out future medical anymore. Still got permanent disability for $60k-ish... but can't give medical buyout based on 25+ year life expectancy anymore.
I felt terrible for the guy and his family. Me and the adjuster tried to get insurance to agree to some sort of amount like 5 year buyout, but the bean counters said hell no. The attorney knew it wasn't me making the decision. Even though he worked on that guy's file for 5+ years he decided to take $0 in fees. I have so much respect for that attorney turning down $10k+ in fees to help his client in a very crappy situation. dieabetic
Family Law Heartbreak.
I do family law and I represented a father who had lost most of his custody from heroin use and imprisonment as a result. He came to me saying he was clean and doing good and had his life together and it checked out. He had been clean for almost nine months not counting jail time and seemed sincere in wanting to resume a full relationship with his son. The other side fought viciously to keep him at extremely little custody and supervised at that, but we prevailed and got an order restoring fairly frequent unsupervised partial custody.
Not long afterwards, only about three months after the case, he was back doing heroin, sold most of his furniture, and for me the most soul-crushing is that he set up a fake GoFundMe stuff for his child's "cancer" (his child didn't have cancer and has never had cancer so you know where that money was going). I withdrew my appearance at this point so I don't know what happened afterwards, but I imagine and hope his custody was taken away.
Basically the net result of winning that case was that the poor boy had to witness his father relapse on heroin and was exploited for money. Worst case I ever won. DemonFirebrand
Settled a personal injury case for a guy and he was set to get about $5000. He was in jail. I held the money for a couple months and when he got out he came by to get the money without delay. The next day the cops came around and asked if I knew him. I explained that I did. I was told he died that night of an overdose and the only thing found on him was my card, some drugs he had not yet used, and a needle. lessworkiskey
Eviction law - basically every other case. Even the morons. It's not rewarding to put people out on the curb. Ever. BeattieLaw
I got a spoiled brat of a teenager cleared of a shoplifting charge when he absolutely had done it. His rich parents hired me to represent him, I did that to the best of my ability, and we went to trial and won, but I can't say I felt good about it. This kid needed to be taught some accountability for his actions and his parents just wanted to buy their way out of any trouble he got into. unbelievablepeople
back at square one.....
I won a summary judgment motion, that my firm filed not expecting to win. We had a decent argument, but odds were way worse than a coin flip and judges don't like granting summary judgment because it's an extreme remedy.
Client initially was thrilled--"case is over"--we tried to break the news gently... nope. Three years later we're back in the same spot we were before we "won" our motion. The other side appealed it up to the state supreme court and won (because the Supreme Court said the trial judge should have denied our motion). So, we are back at square one. North of $100k in legal bills, with no resolution. Maybe it'll settle, maybe it will go to trial. I'll find out in the next 3-4 months. orm518
The one I particular hated happened at my first law job. This woman was a long term client of my boss. In the past ten years or so, she has been caught driving under the influence 8 times, violated home incarceration countless times, been caught with controlled substances a few times, and stabbed two people on home incarceration. My boss at the time was the master of getting people off for DUI's so she had only been convicted of a DUI third and always managed to stay on home incarceration with whatever releases she desired. I always regretted her cases because that woman is truly a danger to the public. She's undoubtedly going to kill someone someday. But I'll be damned if she isn't the luckiest woman alive in getting away with DUIs. EssenceOfEspresso
Family law is a little different in that you never really "win" per se. You may get more favorable rulings or better terms, but unless the opposing party did something illegal or mindbogglingly stupid it's never a decisive "win" really. Although I did have a case where my client fought really hard for the dog, and then ended up turning him over to a shelter. The ex wife received an "anonymous" tip and was able to get him back quickly. WholeMilkStandard
I convicted the father of murdering his wife and years later found out he lied when he confessed to cover for his teenage son who actually been the one who killed her. In the meanwhile the son committed suicide father was content to serve his time in prison. curiousidaho
(Personal Protective Order)
Not my case, but a former associate of mine won a PPO motion hearing (Personal Protective Order) where he represented the person who the order would have been put against (not the victim). The victim's request to put a PPO on his client was denied, and like 2 months later the victim ended up getting put into the hospital by the client (he beat her). That one still bothers him. davonoches
Guy lost his wife and children in a car accident. He wanted to exercise to get his emotions and mental health back in check. Doctor wrote him recommendations for exercise equipment (ball, chin up bar, nothing crazy) and he submitted the expenses for same to his insurer.
Client (insurer/adjuster) wanted this fought tooth and nail because exercise equipment was only covered for physical rehab and he was not physically injured.
I do not practice in this area anymore. ChipSmash
Climb the Pole.
I wouldn't say I regret this so much as to this day it amazes me. As a first year associate I was given a (terrible) PI case where my client received a flu shot and thereafter felt pain in his shoulder. He went to another doctor who performed an MRI and determined he had a torn rotator cuff, which was undoubtedly not related. My job was to allege the flu shot caused the rotator cuff tear. Our ortho actually correlated the two (which is the more regrettable position) and the case paid out.
Being the bottom of the totem pole I had no choice but to take the case, which was handed down by a partner. But at the same time, just overwhelmingly made me feel like the worst stereotyped attorney and just hated having to walk into court on it and feel my reputation being destroyed. ezkwyer
I do juvenile work, criminal law and family law...
I represented this client first when he was a juvenile charged with disorderly conduct at school and fighting, then when he became an adult it for was for simple things like possession of marijuana.
As he got older, it became easier and easier to figure out what part of his life hasn't gone as well as it could and I tried to counsel him and push him to better himself.
He got his GED, he started going to NA, he started classes at a community college, and found a part time job.
On the night of his 21st birthday, he was charged with a DWI. Of course I'll take care of that too.
About 6 months later, we are due in court for trial (on a Monday) and he doesn't show up; which at this point in his life is highly unusual.
As I'm trying to figure out where he is, the court starts going over Arraignments/First Appearances and then low and behold three people are up for Murder charges. The prosecution starts to tell the judge what the facts/circumstances of the case are and mentions a few victims names.
Apparently, my client was at a party when these three individuals decided to allegedly do a drive by shooting. My client suffered multiple gunshot wounds and didn't make it to the hospital.
So... by default, as you can't prosecute a dead person; the State has to take a dismissal. I guess technically a win.
Either way, it was crushing to me as I thought he had really turned his life around. phitheta219
"blue collar lotto"
As a personal injury attorney, I've seen a few clients win the "blue collar lotto" or getting more money than they reasonably know how to deal with. I do my best to educate them, but my job is to try and maximize their recovery, not teach them finance. I have definitely contributed to a few drug habits. Uncivil_Law
No Lessons Learned....Giphy
In one of my first cases after passing the bar exam, a young man retained me on a drunk driving charge. No one was hurt, but he totaled his car.
During trial, the arresting police officer testified that my client was clearly drunk at the accident scene, and that my client was loudly blaming the accident on the ahole who stole his car, crashed it, and then fled before the cops arrived.
However, according to two other witness statements tendered into evidence, it was my client's friend (the passenger) who was screaming about who stole the car, not my client (the driver).
The cop must have confused the two men during his testimony.
This discrepancy raised a reasonable doubt in the judge's mind, so she acquitted my client.
At the time, the acquittal was somewhat unexpected for me (in my personal view, my client was clearly drunk and responsible for the accident, regardless of who was blaming the mystery asshole to the cops), but I was happy my young client got off, no one was hurt, and lessons were learned. And I was quite euphoric to have won my first criminal case.
The regret? About a month after the acquittal, my young client called me at 3 am from the police station saying "it's me again! The police arrested me for drunk driving again! Can you help me?"
Not only did I answer no, I instantly regretted getting the earlier acquittal. My client apparently didn't learn any lessons. Horrified_Witness
I work in medical malpractice defense. Once I had a obstetrician/gynecologist who burned a patient during a procedure. When I met with the doctor, he lied to me throughout the representation over 16 months saying he had no idea how it happened. There is a doctrine in law called "res ipsa" meaning absent some sort of negligence, this accident could not have occurred.
Woman came in without a burn, and after the procedure, the woman left with a burn. There's no way this doctor didn't know what had happened. The area of the burn was where he was operating on. It wasn't until I brought up settlement, because this was not a case we could win did he say, "oh maybe I do know what happened." We ultimately settled that case, which is considered a favorable outcome considering the potential high monetary verdict. Sometimes I think this doctor really ought to have lost that case and their license. mclarenf1boi
Criminal defense is a hard business.
Had this happen to me twice. Got my client out on bail only to thereafter have him up and killed. First time, he was in building supposedly selling, got chased by the police and a struggle ensued where he was shot point blank in the head. Mother told me that it was my fault that he was killed and that i was working with the DA and the police.
Second time, a young man no more then 16 gets released while waiting trial on robbery. One of the conditions of release was that he maintain a curfew. That very night he breaks curfew goes over to somebody else's house and was killed in a drug Related robbery. Mother blamed me and said that the devil was working through me that we were all demons.
Criminal defense is a hard business. Armtoe
Little late to the party, but I've got one I still think about a lot. Worked in criminal defense, represented a guy in a DUI. He had priors, so another convocation meant time, loss of license, problems. Long story short, he was pulled over by police after they followed him leaving a bar. At trial I elicited admissions from the arresting officer that during the 2.5 miles he followed him for, he did not observe a single moving violation - no speeding, erratic driving, driving over the lines, blowing stop signs, running red lights.
Didn't even "stop suddenly" at red lights. Also got the DRE officer to testify that the accused only spoke Spanish and they couldn't get an interpreter officer to the roadside to explain the field sobriety exercises, which the officers documented the accused "refused to perform." Jury came back in 15 minutes. Guy was extremely grateful, and his lovely family was very gracious in thanking me and our office. Feel good about the whole thing.
Couple months later I'm in county to meet with a client, and I see him in one of the pods. Find out sometime after the trial he violently assaulted his 8 year old step-daughter.
Think about that one a lot. MakeBelieveNotWar
There was a case that I saw that involved a claim with fee shifting - meaning that if the plaintiff won, their attorneys' fees would get paid by the defendant. Defendant pushed an aggressive legal position at trial that the judge agreed with, and won, avoiding a few thousand in liability to the plaintiff and a few thousand in attorneys's fees. So far so good. But then the plaintiff appeals all the way to the state's high court, requiring a ton of briefing and time. High court agrees with plaintiff, reverses and sends back to the trial court, which now enters judgement against the defendant for a few thousand in damages against the plaintiff and tens and tens of thousands of dollars in attorneys' fees from the appeal. The defense lawyer probably regretted winning at first on that aggressive argument to the trial court. dotajoedotajoe
Did a divorce where the husband (who I was representing) wanted to trade custody of his children for a set of bedroom furniture.
The bedroom furniture was not even like a family heirloom. It was furniture that you could probably get at a Rooms-to-Go or something.
Ugh, still makes me ill. That's why I got out of family law. mintrawr
Any other barristers want to unload?
It's another ordinary day in America.
So of course that means we've already had a mass shooting or two before brunch.
And aside from the mass shootings, the number of single gunshot wounds or deaths is too high to count.
So let's discuss the aftermath.
Let's hear from the people who have faced the barrel of a loaded gun, or were just a casualty going about their day.
What happens after the bullet lands?
***CAUTION - SENSITIVE MATERIAL AHEAD - TRIGGER WARNING***
Redditor notaninterestingacc wanted to hear from the people who have lived the nightmare. They asked:
"Gunshot survivors of Reddit - What does it feel like to get shot?"
Guns are not a joke. Please educate yourself before you purchase.
Then the pin hit...
"I took a 7.62 to the stomach in Afghanistan. Felt like somebody had smacked with like, I dunno, a flyswatter or something. A short sharp smack. Didn’t feel much until I tried to come out of cover and I just... couldn’t. Couldn’t make my body listen to me. Then the pain hit. I’d put it at like, I dunno, an 11/10. Bullet blew off half my liver."
Thank you EMS...
"Chest, .357 magnum, through sternum, lung, ricochet off of rib, through scapula. Still have half under my shouldblade. Felt like I was stabbed in the chest with a hot fire poker mounted to the bottom of someone's foot when they drop kicked me. Was not expected to survive (severe blood loss), of course. Very good EMS team kept the liquids where they were supposed to and great doctors and nurses kept me going."
"I didn't really feel either of mine until about 10 minutes later. Took a grazing shot off my left arm and one in the right hip that went out my back thankfully missing my kidney. The arm felt like a bee sting the hip knocked me back a step the adrenalin at the time masked the pain."
The Masked Men
"I was shot during a home robbery. I’m probably one of The luckiest people alive. The bullet no joke scratched my cheek and then went through the top of my ear and also a bullet grazed my wrist and opened it up. I didn’t feel anything but just liquid running down my face and my wrist was burning."
"Scariest night of my life and RIP Christian. Miss you so much buddy. Here is proof. We... https://www.chron.com/neighborhood/katy/crime-courts/article/Man-charged-in-attempted-burglary-apartment-6236325.php Authorities said Burke and Brandon Fries, 21, fought the suspects for their guns, which were fired during the struggle."
"The two masked men fled, and investigators initially did not have any information about which direction they went or whether they escaped from the scene by car. Both Burke and Fries had been shot and were transported to Hermann Memorial Hospital in Katy. Burke was pronounced dead upon arrival at the emergency room, less than four miles away.”
Like a Rock
"I got shot in the ankle when I was 10. Honestly I thought a rock hit me. Just a slight stinging feeling. Didn't really hurt, I even kept running with my bike. Later at the hospital was a different story. The doctor tried to remove the bullet without putting me under."
"He said the pain medicine would make me forget everything. He gave up after a few minutes of hell. And, whatever he gave me didn't work as described, but it did oddly make everyone look purple from what I remember. So maybe it half worked? lol."
People really? How in the world do y'all get firearms?
"Right thigh, 9mm, grazing shot across the front of the leg about 4 inches above the knee. It plowed a channel of skin and some flesh off the front. It felt searing hot like someone had laid a hot piece of metal on my leg for a second. Then, the pain went away for a while until the adrenaline wore off. It honestly hurt worse 6 hours later than it did when it happened."
A slight pinch...
"I was randomly shot while walking down the street with my girlfriend in 2013. I didn't fall to the ground or anything like that. Walked into a store and told them to call the cops. It didn't hurt too bad at first. A slight pinch. The heat builds up and the pain comes in. Some throbbing as the blood pumps out. I was extremely lucky as the bullet lodged between my lower right ribs in the back just above my kidney."
"The aftermath was a really achey back. What I remember most was how everyone around me except for my girlfriend just walked around us like nothing happened. I was suffering and potentially dying and everyone just ignored it. 'Not my problem' I suppose. I lost a lot of faith in people that day."
Not the Head
"I accidentally discharged my 9 and I was hit in the head. While it was going on I honestly did not feel any pain but everything slowed way down. Healing and recooperating was the hardest. My mouth and jaw was wired shut for several months. Had to have complete facial reconstruction surgery."
"Had to take a piece of bone from my skull and graph it to my nose just so I could have a nose. I also had to have a feeding tube for almost a whole year. I've recovered fully and I'm very lucky. I remember mostly everything. Something's from the incident I don't remember, but for the most part, I have my memories in tact."
"My gf was shot, not me, but she said it felt hot and like impact but not particularly painful until much later. She was in shock and went to the hospital, after hours she said it started to hurt."
"This was my response too. It feels incredibly hot. It's like getting hit with a bee that's on fire. It burns like hell. But then, and only later, does is f**king hurt. The part two is that you might think you understand pressure, but get shot. It doesn't just hurt, it mashes into you."
"A good friend of mine got hit with a ricochet from a 9mm that hit his calf, there was drive by about a block down. He was outside of the bar smoking a cig when it happened, ran inside and felt his leg burning but decided to keep drinking. He had about 3 more drinks before someone mentioned he was bleeding… went to the ER absolutely hammered and was fine after surgery."
Please stay sober when handling a weapon. Please be careful in general.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
It's never attractive to gloat.
Nor does superiority ever come off as a particularly attractive attribute.
But, consciously or not, some people speak or behave in a way that immediately suggests that they think they deserve to be treated differently, i.e better than others.
Or that they believe they simply are better than other people.
A recent Redditor was curious what sort of behavior struck other people as elitist or arrogant behavior by asking:
"What screams "I am entitled"?"
Where's the fire?
"Impatience in situations where it should be just universally understood that you need patience".- c7hu1hu.
Positions of power.
"I will have you fired!"- Vergo27.
"Generally just leaving something for someone else to deal with."- Splatty_boi_420.Season 3 Reaction GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
Sorry, but I was here first.
"People who cut in line."- Chad_Farthousse.
"People who ignore lines and cut in the front, like their time is more important than every other person patiently queueing."- ofsquire.
"Do you know who I am!?!"- ThoriumLad.Organized Crime Nbc GIF by Law & OrderGiphy
No one loves a tattletale.
“I’ll call my dad and tell him what you did!”- ROAM300.
Ever heard of quid pro quo?
"When they do something to you and think it’s fine but when you do it in return and they freak out."- Silvero129.
Name your price.
"I work as a ticket seller for a ski resort."
"My favorite entitled person is the guy who, upon finding out that the kid's ski lesson was sold out, offered to pay extra if I would kick someone else's kid out so his kid could have a spot."- Floranagirl.
"People who brag about their parents’ money."- SpecialExamination41.Hustling Music Video GIFGiphy
Perhaps one of the most obvious ways to unwittingly show off your entitlement?
By being oblivious to how entitled you are.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
There's something about the woods that creeps me out. Listen here, people: I'm a city guy. The idea of getting lost out there freaks me out. No thank you. I wasn't made for that. The rest of you who like to go camping and stuff? You do you. I'll stick with my running water.
But maybe I've seen too many horror movies. After all, if I saw some creepy stuff in the woods I'd definitely run in the other direction. And so would you, right? Right?
People shared their best stories with us after Redditor shantics asked the online community,
"What have you seen in the woods that you can’t explain?"
"I stepped on what I thought was a small rock but it turned out to be weird and gelatinous. I've also seen tombstones in the woods."
You just suprised it. Rocks are soft and squishy, they just tense up when you touch them! /s
"I was hiking through the remnants..."
"I was hiking through the remnants of a remote, long-abandoned town and the surrounding area. To get to as far into the woods as I was, you had to cross fallen trees over a creek three times. I had just crossed the third "bridge" and was about five miles in and something blue caught my eye just ahead of me."
"There was a man, in his sixties at least, wearing blue satin pajamas, sitting in a tree. The closer I got to him the louder he laughed; it wasn't a maniacal laugh, but it set off all the alarms in my head nevertheless. He also wasn't wearing any shoes and looked well-groomed/cleaned."
"I gave him a friendly nod as I passed and he just kept laughing. Then it stopped. I turned and he was gone. There was no branch cracking, plants rustling, nothing... He was just gone."
"Still rubs me the wrong way. The area I was in was a pretty rough hike, very secluded. Not very many people venture as deep as I was that day. No idea what was going on there."
“Over the Third Bridge” would be a great title for a spooky book or movie.
"Neat as a pin..."
"Fully decorated Xmas tree. Middle of summer. Neat as a pin it was, as if it had just been finished. Who ever did it came back at some point and cleaned it up, because it wasn't there next I did that trail a week or so later."
This one’s not that uncommon actually. Lots of folks will decorate a tree in remembrance of someone out in the woods. Sucks when they don’t clean them up though.
"It's an interesting..."
"In Japan. A hotel was abandoned before it was ever finished being built. It only became a cement skeleton, about 5 stories high. It was left that way to eventually mold back into the forest around it."
It’s an interesting small building to explore. There are halls that are unlevel to the point of hitting your head on the ceiling (think: Willy Wonka)."
"There are stairwells that lead to nothing and one that leads to an unintentional hole in a cement wall. And on the top floor (but “inside” - as in, under the “roof”), is an old car - all smashed up - with seemingly no reason or method to have been up there."
This reminds me of those old abandoned amusement parks that pretty much exist to destroy me mentally.
"I once walked..."
"I once walked through the undergrowth (i.e. off the trail) with my then-girlfriend when we came across this spot where a few empty plastic bags were lying on the ground (strange because the woods are otherwise super clean), a pair of gloves and, most confusingly, the official ID card (= passport) of a young woman."
I would freak out and call the cops. That sounds like a murder scene.
"Many plastic bags..."
"Many plastic bags with nothing really in them but random odd things tied to trees. Sure, it could have been a homeless person but us kids att (like 12+) of us lived in those small woods behind the church every single day. We never saw anyone like that, ever. Passing through I guess, but why so many bags...still wonder."
Do we want to know what was in them? Probably not.
"When I was a teenager..."
"When I was a teenager, I worked at a fireworks stand that was run by my friend's family. It was in a rural area: they owned a few acres of land, had the fireworks tent at the front of the property and the house towards the back, but no lights in between. My friend's mother would prepare dinner for all the workers and we'd take turns going back to the house for dinner."
"One night, I was going to the house for dinner by myself. I felt something on my arm. I thought a bug might have landed on me, but it was really dark so I couldn't see anything. I stopped walking for a second. Then I started hearing this low, raspy breathing right next to me."
"There weren't any people around me and it didn't sound anything like a bug. It was like a slow, asthmatic wheeze."
"I started getting really freaked out. I reached my hand down to my arm and felt... something larger than I expected. I furiously rubbed my hands all across my body to try and dislodge whatever this thing was, then ran as fast as I could to the house. When I finally got to the safety of the house, I could see a small red mark on my arm, but that was it."
"To this day, it's probably the most freaked out I've ever been."
Chills reading this! Nooo thank you!
"Several very large holes..."
"Really big holes. Several very large holes, fairly close to each other, that seem to serve no purpose. Ten feet wide, deep enough that if you jumped in you’d have to have help getting out. Was someone preparing to bury a bunch of people? Was someone punishing their kid by making them dig holes? Did they hear there was buried treasure out there?"
"We’ve never figured it out."
How far apart? How neat were the holes? In a plantation or natural wood? Accessible by a small excavator?
"I once saw a huge pile of cat and dog skulls and bones about 100m from my cabin so we sold the cabin as soon as we could. It was creepy."
This definitely sounds like the beginning of a horror film. Did the ghosts follow you? Please report back.
"There's a small patch..."
"There's a small patch of woods where I live. You could walk across it in less than an hour. It's entirely safe and has marked trails. People somehow manage to get lost in there and I can't explain that."
Did they stumble across the bounds of time and space? That might explain it. But you might be underestimating how many people lack a sense of direction.
None of this makes you want to go out into the woods, huh? Yeah, we thought so. We'll pass the next time we get an offer to go camping somewhere.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
We're all not geniuses.
Everybody has varying degrees of knowledge and brain power.
And that is ok.
Though some of us are really lacking in any sense and every once and awhile people like to sugarcoat that fact when they call us out.
"Bless your heart."
That's a big one in the South. Means... "I like you, but Lord are you missing marbles."
Redditor MrMadJoker wanted to know the most creative ways to describe people who lack a few IQ points.
"What's your favorite euphemism for a dumb person?"
"You're missing a few pieces of the puzzle."
Said to me from my Geometry teacher. Now I know what he meant.
And... he was right.
"I could give them a penny for their thoughts and I'd get change back."
hopefulsite126tyler labine penny GIF by HULUGiphy
"He's got 2 brain cells left, and they're fighting for 3rd place."
"One more neuron and he'd have a synapse."
"The wheel is spinning but the hamster's dead."
"My old english teacher used to say 'I can smell the hamster burning.'"
"Bruh how u gonna do hamsters like that. Im dead 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣"
"You're the reason we have warning labels."
"My bosses comment about my non-too bright coworker 'you can’t get mad at her- she’s the reason shampoo has directions and she probably still f**ked it up…'”
"You see? Because of me, they have a warning label."
“The lights are on but no one’s home.”
Lovemesomecarrotsseason 1 s1 GIF by Dream Corp LLCGiphy
Ok... some of this is some good comedy.
"I'm an American, but I love when British folks call people Muppets. For a long time Europe has led the way in insult innovation, and I think it's time we caught up."
JonSnow31391The Muppet Show Muppets GIFGiphy
"Less useful than a chocolate teapot."
"My Physics teacher used to say 'more pointless than a chocolate fireguard' whenever we had pencils that were too blunt for graph drawing hahaha."
"German version of that is 'dumber than a piece of bread.'"
I Like Turkey
"Shouldn't be left in charge of a ham sandwich."
"I had a college professor who had met Gaddafi (God have mercy on him), the late dictator of Libya, and his impression was 'it would've been a shame to put that lunatic in charge of 10 chickens.'"
"Lol... for some reason this reminds me of Gordon Ramsay saying on Kitchen Nightmares that he wouldn’t trust a guy to run his bath, let alone his restaurant 😅."
No Top Floor
"Your elevator doesn't go to the top floor. You're as sharp as a marble. You'd be stuck for an answer at hello (that's from Classy Freddie Blassie you pencil necked geeks)."
"People tell me my elevator doesn't go the whole way to the top floor but I don't even HAVE an elevator."
"People tell me that too! We should go buy one~"
"My grandpa says: 'A lot of space between them ears.' Which is my absolute favorite, because a lot of people don't get it at first and just enforces the meaning."
Blobfish_BluesExcited Aww GIF by TikTokGiphy
Not all of us are going to break IQ records. That's ok. But these descriptions are funny.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.