Lawyers and court employees Reveal The Most Ridiculous Things They've Witnessed In Court
I object! To all of you!
Working within the law can be one of the most difficult workplaces in life. Lawyers, judges, bailiffs, court stenographers... they have been witness to some of the craziest society has to offer. Everybody out there has job stories but, the people who show up before a judge might just take the cake. You have to wonder... "do these people actually want to roam free?" Or are they still high?
Redditor Max_Fenig wanted members of the judicial system to regale us with some stories asking... Lawyers, judges and other courtroom workers of Reddit, what is the most ridiculous thing you have seen in court? Pull it together people!
Own it honey! Flames!
So I've told this one quite a few times but I used to intern for a judge. Most of his cases were drugs, dui, or prostitution. One day a woman is brought up from jail for a hearing. (drug related) She is a regular in the courtroom, and is in one of the drug dependency programs.
paraphrasing the conversation.
Judge: 'Tell me what happened'
Woman: "I was leaving the methadone clinic and this guy asked if I wanted some fire dope'
J: 'He asked what?'
W: 'If I wanted some fire dope'
(lawyer whispers to her)
J: "Some fire dope?"
W: "Yes fire dope'
<from here it turned into something very comparable to the super troopers 'littering and' moment while we all tried to avoid laughing- skipping ahead>
J: 'I take it you used it and that is why you are here'
W: 'I did and it was damn good'
The drugs did it!
I was installing furniture/equipment in a courthouse office. I'm walking into the building with all of my tools waiting in line to be cleared by security. The man in front of me steps up the to metal detectors and grabs one of the baskets you use to empty your pockets. Into the basket the Man places his watch, his necklace, wallet, keys cell phone, weed sack and pistol. He then casually walks through the metal detector and looks back to the officer to get his belongings. The three officers and several people standing around are stunned. After a few seconds the officer with the basket says, "Uhh,.. put your hands behind your back?" The guy didn't fight them, he just refused to believe he had done anything wrong. He was there for a drug offense.
I know this is probably looking for funny stories, but I have one that's a little more serious.
My dad was a lawyer. My senior year our school let students who didn't have to retake the standardized test do service learning for those days. I chose to shadow my dad at a big jury trial he had going on and a friend of mine who'd already graduated tagged along.
It was a beautiful Tuesday morning in September. When my friend and I were driving to my dad's house we heard a news report that someone crashed a plane into the World Trade Center. Bob & Tom were joking about it. We walked into my dad's house just in time to see the second plane hit on live TV. Bob & Tom weren't joking when we got back to the car to go to court.
That day in court was surreal. The lawyers knew what was going on. The judge and prosecutor knew what was going on. The jury had no clue though, and everyone was stuck in the courtroom and on a media blackout since they weren't going to have the TV on in the background during a jury trial.
My friend and I were the only ones there watching the trial as observers. We were the only ones who could go out and listen to the news, and so we were the only way for anyone in that room to have any idea what was going on outside. So we'd bring in updates when they had brief breaks, and people were low key freaking out as they were trapped in this room going ahead with a trial that probably shouldn't have happened that day and the only news was coming from a high school kid walking across the street to listen to updates on NPR in his car.
Security also really tightened up between arriving in the morning and leaving for lunch. We didn't end up spending much time in the court room observing because people were asking for updates. The justice center was like a ghost town with only the guards up front, and they were looking around like they were expecting an attack at any moment.
The guy got convicted. My dad tried to get a retrial or something because of the circumstances, but it never happened.
Honesty First...
I'm a legal secretary. I used to assist attorneys who practice Juvenile Dependency. We were funded the county to defend indigent parents whose children were removed by CPS. A mother came to court with a tattoo "F CPS" on her neck.
A client was on the witness stand being questioned.
Attorney: How much marijuana do you use currently?
Client: Well... Not as much as I'd like.
[Face palm.]
Let's get it on...
During my court reporting internship I met a really nice bailiff. Sometimes attorneys have to approach the judge for a side-bar conversation that's supposed to be unheard by the jury. But because court is boring, attorneys having secret whisper arguments with a judge seems fascinating to a jury. This bailiff would distract them by playing Marvin Gaye on his phone and dancing around like a Motown backup singer. Dude loved his job and went above and beyond his duties.
Attendance... "Present!"
I read this comment a few weeks ago, where someone was robbed by two guys. The judge asks the victim if those two guys are in the courtroom. Before he could answer, those morons lifted their hands, as in "Here we are."
The Goodest Wife
After her third DUI, my elderly and disabled neighbor was being let off with a suspended license and a hefty fine. Thinking she could do better, she attempted to negotiate (loudly and aggressively) with the judge, using her infinite wisdom of prime time television law shows. She walked out with jail time.
I had a friend in law school who, while in the middle of speaking with the judge, pulled a hamburger out of his pant pocket and just started eating it. Since this was a law school clinic the judge looked at the supervising professor, who just hung his head in response.
Another time I saw a judge sentence a guy to 1 month for an assault. It was a pretty generous sentence and the guy seemed to take it pretty well. But on the way out of the courtroom the defendant yelled "F the judge!", kinda like Kendrick Lamar. The judge just waved his hand to tell the bailiff to get him back. The guy was re-sentenced to 24 months.
Never bring up #2!
Most of my clients are mentally ill. I do mostly civil and criminal mental health related work.
In my jurisdiction, an application by a (civilly) involuntarily detained person for a review of their detention must be heard within 2 weeks of the application. No matter what. So I am often in the position of managing clients who are unwell, including experiencing psychotic episodes etc. Direct examinations can be very... interesting.
My most memorable review board hearing involved my client giving an impromptu demonstration of how they came to be arrested under the mental health act.
There was poop involved.
.... just another day at the office.
Flip a coin...
I saw a woman who wanted to plead "guilty and not guilty." When asked why by the judge, she explained that she did turn left in front of the other car and failed to yield but she didn't mean to hit anyone...so she was "guilty AND not guilty."
Small Slights That Made People Feel Majorly Betrayed By Their Significant Other
Reddit user _Halboro_ asked: 'What was something fairly small that made you feel betrayed by your SO?'
When you're in a relationship, the things your significant other—or sig-O—does hit different.
Teasing remarks you'd laugh off from friends can feel like a knife in the heart when your romantic partner says it.
Minor slights can easily become major issues in your relationship if you feel vulnerable.
Reddit user _Halboro_ asked:
"What was something fairly small that made you feel betrayed by your [significant other]?"
Unequal Devotion
"When he was doing a work contract overseas I sent him love letters every two weeks to feel connected."
"When he got home and unpacked I found many of them unopened."
~ athenasplanet
"My high school girlfriend lent my hoodie to someone else."
~ Responsible_Roll7065
"Gah! I had a University BF lend My hoodie to a girl (who was a smoker, too. 🤮)."
"There were at least 15 other single guys there that could have stepped up and lent her their sweaters, but mine was up for grabs!"
"And when I got it back it reeked. So, annoyed with him on multiple levels."
~ Au-stellar-12
Unequal Effort
"My sister was in the hospital and he didn't do the dishes while I was gone for 3 days."
~ shirleytrix
"When he got Covid, he was quarantined downstairs. I waited on him hand and foot."
"Three days later, I got Covid but while he was feeling better and still quarantining himself, I had to be sick and care for our son."
"I was stooped over the counter trying to make him dinner and he just went back downstairs. I’ll always remember that."
~ Lychanthropejumprope
"My sister, nephew, and mom went on a vacay for about 9 days including travel days."
"When she and my nephew got home, the sink was full of dirty dishes and so was the island in their kitchen. Their island is HUGE, bigger than what I would consider average for a home."
"There were also trash bags just sitting around the house and it was just absolutely disgusting."
~ Ill-Stomach1871
"It's small, but one year we were both working 15-18 hour days but had Thanksgiving off. I planned the menu, he didn't give input."
"I ordered the ingredients online during my lunch break to pick up after work because I didn't have time to shop."
"I woke up early, made everything. Cleaned the dishes and the kitchen after."
"All he did was complain."
"I made too much. I had too much wine (3 glasses over 7 hours)."
"After all that work and not even a compliment or a thank you?
"Yeah—we divorced. That was our last Thanksgiving together."
~ azorianmilk
Unequal Consideration
"After complaining for months that I never got to sleep in, despite being the only one to get up to the kids in the night, he finally let me sleep in one morning."
"I woke up hearing him quietly saying to the kids 'Mummy’s had long enough; go wake her up'."
"I only had maybe an hour extra. He always had several."
~ a-nony-mouse33
"I'm almost always up first. I tend the pets, get the kids going and make coffee. 20 min routine."
"Every morning I'd bring him a cup of coffee and open the curtains to let some sunlight in and then leave and he would play on his phone and sip coffee for half hour while I tended the kids and got to work."
"Then he complained that just because I was up didn't mean he had to be up."
"Guess who doesn't get hot coffee in bed anymore."
~ MsFlippy
"My ex would skip the songs I liked that came on the radio."
~ violet_hydrangea
"Was on my way back from Turkey with a nice stash of dried fruit from Afghanistan (imported to Turkey)."
"Declared it on my customs form."
"Got detained for agricultural reasons, said they would let me go but had to take the dried fruit."
"I looked and looked but could not find it. Was detained for hours."
"Turns out my girlfriend ate it all while I was asleep on the flight."
~ neuro_exo
Unequal Humor
"We were going through airport security together."
"She went first and when she was being screened, pointed at me and said 'make sure you check my boyfriend, he always has knives' as a joke and then I got detained for a search and questioning and almost missed the flight.
"And no, I didn't have any knives other other contraband on me. Then she got mad at me for almost missing our flight."
"LIKE WHAT DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN HERE EMILY‽‽"
~ ThadisJones
"When we were signing our first lease she joked with the landlord about how rowdy I am, to 0 chuckles or even a smile.
"I wanted to bang my head into a wall."
~ NCAA_D1_AssRipper
Unequal Respect
"I had a friend who dumped his girlfriend when he overheard her making fun of his (admittedly, rather nerdy) sister to her friends."
"He said it wasn’t just about loyalty to his sis, it was about not wanting to be with someone who has to put others down to feel better about herself."
"Always thought it was admirable."
~ whitneywestmoreland
"The most extreme case I know of is my dad and the girlfriend he had before my mom came along."
"He and the gf were high school sweethearts and had been together for three years. They were both dying to see Back to the Future 2, a movie that had been highly anticipated for years."
"He had a family emergency the day it came out so they agreed to see it the following Monday. He found out from friends she went to see it with a douchey guy friend my dad never really liked."
"He was so hurt and she was so unapologetic—her attitude was 'I’ll go see it with you too! Why did I have to wait?' even though they’d agreed to see it together. He told her they needed to take a break."
He fully meant for it to be temporary, just until he cooled off, but then he met my mom when he went to see the movie by himself…and he never looked back.
"He does feel a bit guilty though because his ex was pretty devastated when she found out he’d met someone else and wanted to end things for good."
~ levoyageursansbagage
People felt these were minor slights, but many seem pretty major from the outside looking in.
Most ended the relationship being described.
I guess it's proof positive that little things—good or bad—mean a lot.
There's this ongoing, universal joke that no one reads user's manuals for new items, so often items aren't built or used quite the way they were intended.
But some products, whether there's a user's manual involved or not, will be used for activities that they were in no way designed for.
Redditor OfficialDampSquid asked:
"What product is rarely used for its intended purpose?"
Clothespins
"Clothespins have spent years keeping bags of chips closed in my house, not a minute hanging up clothes."
- jpiro
"Great in the shop as mini clamps, specifically when gluing the linings to acoustic guitars."
- Fluffy-Anything-5528
Free Parking Corner
"The corner that says FREE PARKING on the Monopoly board."
- DanielleAntenucci
"I don’t know one single person who plays that game correctly. It’s insane how house rules caught on and became almost universal."
- Dr_broadnoodle
Cotton Swaps
"I’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I use a Q-Tip correctly."
- PM_DEGRADING
"95 percent for cleaning electronics. Five percent for cleaning your ears."
- Fried-Pig-Dogs
Bubble Wrap
"Bubble wrap. It was invented as a wallpaper in the 1950s."
- fuzzysarge
"Just mist down your windows with plain water and the bubble wrap just sticks by itself."
"I didn't know this trick when I had to make a bathroom more private. As a stopgap, I just sprayed the windows with fake Christmas snow."
- RedditZamak
For Surgical Purposes
"K-Y Jelly was originally developed as a surgical lubricant."
- JiveChicken00
Fixes Everything
"Duct tape. Works on everything but ducts. (They make a special tape for that, and it’s not called duct tape.)"
- ImpliedSlashS
From War to Screen Doors
"WD-40 was originally created to stop nuclear missiles from rusting."
- ShoopufJockey
Great for Kids Crafts
"I want to say pool noodles. I see a new craft for them weekly and rarely see them actually in a pool."
- gigieileen
Baking Powder Uses
"Not 'rarely used' per se, but the amount of baking powder not used for baking things is quite high."
- DayOk6350
"You can use it to instantly set super glue and create a stronger bond that is as hard as plastic and nowhere near as brittle as a regular superglue bonding."
- Happy-Personality-23
The Question Is In the Name
"Glove compartment in a car. Who actually has gloves in them? I think they are a throwback to when people had driving gloves."
- Urbanredneck2
Yardstick Purpose
"Yardsticks."
- procrastinatorsuprem
"When I was in school, all the teacher ever used it for was to smack the chalkboard to get everybody's attention when the class was acting up."
- Rich_handsome
"We use it to push the button on the smoke alarm, get spider webs on the ceiling, and every once in a while measure how deep a snow storm is."
- procrastinatorsuprem
Treadmill... Closets
"Treadmills at home."
"Or any exercising equipment at home... ends up being a clothes holder."
- shubidoobie
Mouths Instead
"Listerine was originally sold as a floor cleaner."
- mtgkajhit
"Listerine was one of those products which was marketed to do literally anything to do with clearing."
"It was also used as a medical antiseptic during surgery."
- Woffingshire
Great for Crafts
"Pipe cleaners."
"Does that count if they’re called “chenille stems”, brightly colored, and for sale alongside kids’ craft supplies?"
"Because if that does count, so should Play-Doh. It was originally invented to clean wallpaper, but once kids started playing with it (it had been nontoxic from the beginning IIRC) they changed the marketing and sold it in lots of colors."
- DBSeamZ
Cell Phones
"Mobile phones, used for anything, except for making phone calls."
- FatCat_85
"Mobile phones are used for their intended purposes, but that purpose has just changed over time."
These products are all a great example of how products can have multiple purposes, which technically means we can have fewer items in our homes, which means fewer things to clean!
And if cleaning the floor is a concern, apparently we can use the Listerine... while brushing our teeth. Who knew?
The food industry is highly competitive with restaurants duking it out to stay relevant.
They do this by presenting diners a spin or a gimmick on classic entrees.
While some eateries succeed by a wide margin, many fail by coming up with bizarre dishes that may seem inventive but fall flat on the palate.
This just goes to show that you shouldn't mess with what already works. But playing it safe is just bad for business, though. Right?
Well, customers chimed in when RedditorFremblem_Feldsher asked:
"What is the most overrated dish in the world?"
Some people thought gourmet burgers were all hype and in bad taste.
Bigger Isn't Better
"'Gourmet' burgers. You pay top dollar and get a burger that's difficult to eat (stacked to high and falls apart) and where there's so much attention to toppings you can hardly taste the beef and cheese."
"Anything made with truffle oil gets an honorable mention."
– Treantmonk
Too Many Toppings
"$18, tall, stacked, giant burgers slathered in fifteen different condiments and toppings. They're hard to eat and usually not as good as a simple burger."
– hiro111
"Burgers should be wider not taller. I don't want to take a single bite only to lose half the toppings from the other side."
– ProphetOfPhil
Not Lovin' It
"Knife and fork burgers are bullsh*t. I hate the feeling of having to rush through eating my burger because my hands and gave are slathered in sauce."
"If it's stacked and/or messy af, it's not a good burger, even if it tastes good. It's some kind of knife and fork entree but definitely not a burger."
– FictionalContext
Sometimes people want something sweet without going over the top.
Identity Crisis
"It’s not a dish, but those milkshakes that you see that have chocolate all over the glass and a giant piece of cake on top. Ruins the milkshake with the crumbs mixing into it, and honestly could of put the cake on a plate and let us eat it normally".
– Meckles94
Dough-Not Want It
"Donuts from places known for 'cRaZy' donuts. The most 'extreme' donuts I’ve ever had were the most mediocre. They tasted like somebody put stale cereal on top of grocery store donuts."
– cppadam
Behind The Scenes
"I work with a guy whose wife runs her own bakery. He told me that most of the places selling donuts these days don't actually make their own donuts. They buy pre-made dough that is uncooked. Then the places doctor them up. Hence, the stale cereal on grocery store donuts taste. It's because that's exactly what they are."
"Apparently, making multiple types of all homemade donuts is a lot of work. I go to a Mennonite bakery at a farmers market who make all of their own stuff, dough and all. They are legit working from before they open until after they close."
– qotsa_gibs
A Big Twist...And Not The Glazed Kind
"There's a place in Niagara Falls called Country Fresh Donuts and they've got some of the best donuts I've ever had. Their long johns are the stars of the show, but their other donuts are also super good."
"Big twist? They excel at wonton soup. Anyone who goes there goes for the soup first, donuts later. It helps that they're open 24 hours a day (or, they were at one point). 3am wonton soup and a donut is mana from heaven."
– SimonCallahan
Mini Cakes
"Cupcakes during their 2009-2014 reign of terror."
– JonathanWattsAuthor
"With the icing piled so high it would go up your nose"
– Live_Reindeer7833
Not everyone fancies a fancy meal.
History Of Lobster
"Lobsters used to be peasant food - they literally fed it to prisoners. It's weird how things change, but like most things it just comes down to supply and demand."
"Lobster is quite hard to farm so, although it's not a hard-to-come-by food unless you're very far from the sea, there is still a bit more effort required in producing them. Couple that with their image as a 'luxury' seafood, which increases demand, and you get high prices."
– fantalemon
Not Worth The Hype
"Any steak from Salt Bae’s restaurants."
– WishboneCrazy9289
"Controversial but I think steak in general is overrated. I love steak and have some really good servings in nice places but I still think it isn’t as good as people go on about."
– itsyaboigreg
How Posh
"Expensive food with gold shavings. What's that about? Do you eat it to feel rich and powerful or something? I'm sure gold doesn't taste very good and is not normally supposed to be eaten."
– thegreatc*msl*t
"You can buy the gold foil on its own and it's cheaper than you'd expect (still expensive)"
"After trying on on its own, I can say gold is one of the lower ranking metals that I've tasted. Silver, stainless steel, and titanium all taste better. I'd put gold in the same tier as copper, above aluminum."
"Edit: to explain how I know this, someone asked me for advice on different types of silverware and I had to try it out myself before recommending anything. The copper is an exception as that was a dare."
– Notbbupdate
I see the appeal for Instagramming food, but if the beautiful food items photographed in portrait mode are making me salivate, they better deliver on my taste buds.
I actually patronized a diner that advertised an amazing pancake dish that had caramel sauce with crushed pecan and whipped cream. The idea looked better on paper.
When I order the breakfast delight in question, it looked nothing like how it was pictured. It was flat, messy, and undesirable.
And of course it tasted horrible. I was a sucker for that damn Instagram post.
Sometimes food is all hype. That's the worst kind, especially if you're a sucker like me and you fall for it.
As children, when we saw grown-ups behave in certain ways, we more than likely promised ourselves we would never be like them.
That we would never lose our temper at minor things, groan over the slightest ache in our bodies, or choose work over fun.
However, when adulthood creeps up on us, certain things about the person you become you have little to no control over.
As a result, you might find yourself screaming at children for being too noisy or going to bed at 9:15 instead of seeing a midnight screening of your favorite movie and realizing that you have become the very thing you've been trying to avoid your entire life.
Redditor UglyLikeCaillou was curious to hear what type of person the Reddit community ended up becoming, despite vowing they wouldn't, leading them to ask:
"What type of person did you swear to never turn into growing up, but did anyway?"
Letting It Out Can Ease The Pain...
"The one that makes noises when I get up off the floor."- tutohooto
The Wise Know The Vital Importance Of Being Silly
"I swore I’d never stop being goofy."
"That I’d always try to find the positive and wouldn’t give up hope."
"But then life happened."
"It’s hard staying an emotionally sensitive and caring person when so many people are just plain mean."- Lucky_Garbage5537
It's Possible, Even In A Room Full Of People...
"I never thought I would grow up to be so lonely, but here I am."- oldbaldgrumpy
Sad Season 2 GIF by FriendsGiphyTemper Temper...
"An angry person."
"Life and people are just too much all the time."-Jumpy-Air-3385
Some Call It Frugal, Others Call It Cheap....
"The kind that put something back cause the store brand was 20 cents cheaper."- penndelnj
A Far Too Common Occurrence
"I never thought I'd live paycheck to paycheck by my age."
"I thought I'd be on my way to being financially independent by now, in fact."
"It's always been my goal, I was willing to work so hard from such a young age and never scared to make sacrifices but unfortunately my people-reader is skewed and all I ever really got was taken advantage of."
"It's not too late, I'm smarter now and I'll get there."- FriendCountZero
2 Chainz Pockets GIF by MOST EXPENSIVESTGiphyWorking Hard For The Money...
"A corporate slave."- lapdanze
"My dad was an engineer and I vowed to never be like him in any way."
"Growing up, I always said over my dead body would i become a corporate slave chained to a desk."
"Guess who is a desk jockey engineer now."- Lame_usernames_left
Watch Your Mouth!
"If my child self met my adult self, he’d tell me that I shouldn’t say so many bad words."- BarthRevan
The Apple Doesn't Fall Very Far From The Tree...
"My dad."- PolarBearChuck
"The most relatable one, nobody wants to become their parents, it’s horrible (unless you have good parents)."- Fine-Macaroon-3202
season 2 episode 6 GIFGiphyThe Comfort Of Your Own Home...
"A homebody."
"In my early 20’s I would never miss an opportunity to go out on Thurs, Friday, or Sat night and couldn’t understand why my parents would ‘waste’ a perfectly good weekend night, just to stay home."
"Now I get it. MAN, do I get it."
Derogatory Term, Or Term Of Endearment?
"I remember learning what a nerd was and thinking 'thank God I'm not a nerd' as I went home from school to play Pokemon Emerald and talk on Pokemon message boards about the upcoming Diamond and Pearl games."- hectoByte
Early To Bed, Early To Rise
"The dad that gets up at 4:30 am to exercise, and is ready for bed by 9 pm."- GreyPilgrim1973
Work Out Pain GIF by I Want You Back MovieGiphyBeauty Comes In All Sizes...
"Overweight."
"Not super big, but not skinny anymore."- hoosierhiver
One Can Indeed Be The Loneliest Number...
"Crotchety, single old lady."
"I'm only sometimes crotchety, but I'm almost fifty and still single!"- GimmeUrNachos
Love What You Do! If You Can...
"An office drone."
"Redditing as we speak to avoid looking at yet another ghastly eyesore of a spreadsheet.'
"Why have we done this to ourselves as a civilization?"- onemanmelee
Still Waiting Office Tv GIF by The OfficeGiphyGrowing up can be scary, hence why we always promise ourselves we won't turn out a certain way.
Even so, some things about the type of person we grow up to be are completely out of our control.
And rather than bemoan our current situation, it's always best to embrace it and enjoy the precious time we have on Earth with our family and friends.
And maybe cut our parents a little slack for the behavior we judged them so harshly on as children...