There are some questions that illustrate such vulnerability, such open tragedy on the part of the asker that we fend off tears while we come up with an appropriate answer.
Sometimes the question comes from someone who's been so steeped in struggle that they need help understanding that another possible reality exists.
Sometimes it's a question that cuts right to our own core with startling efficiency.
Whatever form it takes, it stops us in our tracks and we're likely to remember it for quite awhile after.
Curious to hear the saddest examples, Redditor julylovestory asked:
"What question has someone asked you that secretly broke your heart?"
Many Redditors responded by sharing the sad questions uttered by young children.
Kids just have the knack for cutting straight through to the essence of it all.
A Tragic Conscientiousness
"As we passed the toy aisle at the store, 'I know you don't have much money right now, but maybe when you get some we could come back and get a toy?' "
"I was not doing well financially back then and my daughter brought me to tears in the middle of the store."
-- TheCurls
Puzzled and Sad
"First day of preschool for my three year old son. The first time he would ever be away from Mom & Dad at the same time."
"I brought him to the room and expected a meltdown, but instead he confidently strutted, and I do mean strutted into the classroom."
"Three hours later, I picked him up. He was ok until we got to the car when he said, in quiet sad voice 'l thought you were coming with,' followed by an even sadder quieter 'Why did you leave me?' "
If Only
" 'Can I wish for my sister?' - A 10-year-old student of mine whose big sister died 4 years ago. We were working on an activity about dreams and aspirations for their futures."
How Bad Must It Be?
"I was like 22 and it was probably 10pm or so at a Walmart. I was on my way to a party and stopped for beer. The store was fairly empty and as I was in the beer aisle, I see this kid completely by himself."
"He was about 5 and at first I thought it was kind of funny because he was trying to pick up a case of beer. I waited like 30-60 seconds, looking around for this kid's mom/dad to come get him. A couple people walked right by him like it was normal, so then I started getting worried. I picked up my two cases of beer and walked over and kindly asked him if he lost his mom or needed help."
"The kid completely ignored the question and instead was thoroughly impressed that I was strong enough to carry two cases of beer. Eventually an employee noticed and came over as well. I told her everything I knew and she took over and told him that she was going to bring him to find his mom."
"As he was walking away he kept looking back at me and I smiled and said goodbye. The kid stopped and said 'can I just come home with you? I don't like my mom.' "
"I was caught off guard so I just laughed and told him the lady was going to help him. Now I'll never know the full story, or what happened to him but the more I think about it - that kid more than likely had a pretty shi**y childhood."
"I mean, the store wasn't busy and it was late at night on a weekday. It really makes you wonder why he was there in the first place, how he got separated from his mom and why would he ask to go with a complete stranger instead of worrying about where his mom was?"
"It still makes me sad. Hope everything worked out for the little dude."
Others talked about the times when they or somebody else realized just how tragic their own circumstances were.
Suddenly Aware
"My ex asked me what I liked to do with my family growing up."
"Made me realize my family never did anything together and I literally had no answer to such a basic question."
-- don_juicy
Seeing Another Version
"During college, parents took a friend and I out to dinner. Very normal dinner, chit chatted about whatever. After we left and were walking back to my car, he turns to me and says 'Is that what a normal relationship is like?' "
"We talked more after that, I had met his parents a few times and they seemed strict but never seemed to have a terrible relationship. Turned out apparently his dad had cheated on his mom multiple times, dad had zero respect for any of my friends sisters and essentially expected them to do all the housework while the men did 'guy stuff.' "
"Hunting, training for sports, school, etc. Turned out his childhood was pretty fu**ed, dad was never around and he had to essentially be the father figure in the house. As the oldest child, never really saw a normal loving relationship that he could look up to."
"My friend is a really nice guy, still has some messed up views of relationships though. I never realized how 'abnormal' my very normal family/childhood was."
A Better Place
" 'You've never beaten me or told me I couldn't do something. Is that normal?'
"My first girlfriend told me that. I have never felt such a wave of anger, sadness, and heartbreak wash over me like I did when I heard that"
And some people discussed the time a question destroyed their social confidence.
Worst Teacher Ever
"I have a stutter, when I was a kid I had to read a page of a book to the class. I stuttered, and the teacher said 'can you even read' and that fu**ing broke my 13 year old heart."
"No one takes stuttering seriously."
There's the Answer
"When I was 19, I hung out with a cute girl from my high school that I never got to hang with when we were in school. Had a great day together, and that night she asked, 'can we be like secret friends or something? I don't really hang out with people like you.' "
"Never hung out again."
-- prstele01
Comparing and Contrasting
" 'Oh, are you the girl with the hot sister ?' " -- JustehOK
"I worked in a department with two Melissas. One day, I was sitting next to one Melissa when we overheard another coworker say to someone, 'have you seen little Melissa?' "
"The other Melissa got kind of a defeated look in her eye and said, 'oh, I'm big Melissa.' " -- EarhornJones
It's a list that's sad enough to leave one wondering about the questions they've received that struck them as particularly hopeless.
Sometimes, though, that vulnerability can be the start of accepting new realities and new possibilities.
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Witt so many generations and people living entire, difficult lives, it's hardly surprising when a family's history includes a few shocking details.
Still, it can be quite mind-blowing when the juicy information first comes out. These sudden truths have a tendency to re-cast a once accepted element or family dynamic as a much darker, problematic reality stemming from an immoral event.
But at arms length, they're wildly fascinating tales.
Redditor AbsoluteHavoc asked:
"What family secret was finally spilled in your family?"
Many people shared family secrets that had everything to do with romantic relationships, affairs, and the parenting of children.
Often, kids get passed off to people besides their biological parents. And it stays hidden for as long as possible, but it always seems to come out.
Nowhere to Go With the Info
"My mother is kid #7 of 10. My aunt (kid #4) who was born in 1945 did her DNA and found out that she has a different father from everyone else. She was devastated. There was always rumor that there was an affair but nobody talked about it."
"She has so many questions but nobody's alive to answer her."
-- I_see_farts
A Long Journey Home
"Found out my grandma had a baby as a teenager and was forced to give him up for adoption by my great grandparents."
"40 years later he found us"
Shocking, But Not So Bad
"My cousin is actually my sister. Apparently my mom got pregnant really young and her much older sister adopted my sister and raised her as her own. It was actually an amazing moment when we found out."
"My cousin (sister) and the sister I was raised with and I are really really close. Just happened last year. We're all old now (I'm 50 and my cousin/sister is 58) so it's just a really neat thing that makes us all happy."
A Welcome Bombshell
"About a month ago, my mother-in-law's 88 year old sister revealed on her death bed that her husband's best friend was actually the father of all 4 of her children."
"Her husband was an abusive grade A jerk by all accounts. While everyone was shocked, no one was saddened by this news."
-- roo1ster
Christmas Blowup
"We went to my grandmother's for Christmas dinner like we did every year and my uncle drank too much, and kind of hinted that he had an affair with my mother. A couple of months and two dna tests later we found out my sister is actually his daughter."
"My dad never spoke to his brother again. And of course, my parents got divorced. And I needed a lot of therapy... and chocolate."
Other people discussed the ancestors who've engaged in some kind of criminal act. We'd all prefer to assume killers and thieves wouldn't be in our own family.
But they certainly can be.
A Strange Alibi
"My uncles are infamous criminals who killed multiple people."
"I thought they bred dogs."
-- keavyseancy
An Ongoing Shadow
"My grandparents are first cousin's... an uncle on the same side of the family is in prison for the assassination of a presidential candidate (family still says he was framed and is innocent)"
-- Cervesaz
What a Way to Go
"My great great grandfather was exiled and banned from Missouri for being a sheep thief" -- ksromo
"Does your family suffer a curse because of your no-good, dirty, rotten, sheep stealing great great grandfather?" -- perkcherp
A Fuzzy Past
"My great grandfather didn't die of cancer."
"He died from complications after being shot when one of his businesses was being robbed. Maybe. He also spent a lot of time in Atlantic City. He also had a lot of partners in the Teamsters and other unions in coal country. Also, everyone called him "smiling Tony' but his name wasn't Tony."
"He died in the 60s, long before my time, but when my great grandmother died 20 years ago, a very old guy showed up to the funeral in a white suit and all of the oldest people in my family kisses his hand. When I asked, no one knew who he was."
"My grandfather moved his family away from central PA in the late 60s and disconnected from all of this but, there it is."
-- Amenra7
So the next time you decide to put the time and effort into learning the stories of the ancestors who came before you, be prepared for the possibility that some shocking news comes along with all the quaint moments.
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We all know the job interview butterflies.
We sit outside the office or wait for the phone call and our foot taps at rapid speed. We run through some rehearsed answers, but worry that they'll ask a slew of things we never even considered. We try not to sweat too much.
Often, it turns out alright. We may not get the job, but we're respectable, give solid answers, and learn a lot about the place we're trying to get hired.
Other times, however, all of our far-fetched worries seem to come to life.
Curious to hear just how bad an interview can go, Redditor UIGrimsen asked:
"What was your worst job interview?"
Plenty of people had some truly bizarre stories to share. Part of these train wrecks were bad luck, and part were the insane antics of the people giving the interview.
But for us, they're simply hilarious.
Literally Screaming
"I applied for a job in a Planetarium, the interview was conducted in a big dome."
"Problem was, another part of the Planetarium staff was doing fire alarm tests during the interview. The dome amplified the sound so much, it was deafening. The interview staff acted like nothing was going on. We had to shout so we could hear each other."
-- Quaternaire
Untimely Death
"My mom raises chickens … and during COVID one of them got sick (not COVID). She had it inside to feed water hourly to try to nurse it back to life. My mom has to run an errand so I'm in charge of this chicken for the afternoon."
"I was on a phone screening with a candidate for a position in my office and this chicken starts having a seizure and dies on the middle of this phone call. I look over and it's laying almost like it was crucified."
"The candidate heard the commotion and asked if everything was ok … Which I relied 'yeah, the chicken just died.' "
"She withdrew her application the next morning."
-- poniesgalore
Suffocating
"1.) I walked in as the HR lady farted"
"2.) it was a small office with no windows"
"3.) I asked her questions about their employee retention rate that she couldn't answer"
"4.) the fart stayed the duration of the interview"
"5.) I hope the fart got the job, because I didn't want it"
-- RedShadowIV
A Very Instructive Moment
"Applied to work at a vet clinic. Veterinarian did the interview while spaying a cat, apparently one of the cleanest and quickest surgeries they do. I fainted."
"Was not offered the job (after I woke up)."
Others shared moments when their excitement was deflated instantly. They encountered such closed-minded interviewers that there was almost no need for discussion.
That Bus Perk
"As an interviewee It was when I applied to a job as a Junior programmer and in 5 minutes the guys goes 'look, I'll be honest, there is no job, you can get an internship, no pay, we offer the bus pass' "
Plains, Trains, and Automobiles Later...
"I took vacation days to interview, bought my own plane ticket, and paid for my own hotel. First thing the interviewer said was, 'I have no intention of hiring you. This is just a courtesy because I knew your brother.' I had 8 more hours left in my interview day. It was painful."
"They ended up offering me the position many weeks down the road because they couldn't fill the position. I politely declined and got a very passive aggressively worded survey to fill out explaining why I passed."
There's a Right Answer??
"Wanted to work at H&M, got interviewed by the worst person ever."
"One question was and I am legit not lying, 'What is your favorite color and why?' "
"I answered 'baby blue because it's calming and not too harsh to the eyes.' My interviewer then said Oooh, sorry! Red is what we were looking for. And then proceeded to show me the exit."
-- JamesDelRey
Last, some shared the times they arrived for the interview excited and enthusiastic, but quickly learned how out of their league the position was.
These interviews looked more like brutal interrogations from the FBI than job interviews.
All the Principals
"Fresh out of college, I was looking for my first teaching job. I applied at a small district for an elementary school position."
"I walked in, expecting the principal and a few teachers. Instead I had the superintendent of the district, some high-level admin, and every single elementary school principal in the district. Probably 15 people in all. They peppered me with questions for 45 minutes."
"I had zero experience, just my student teaching. I did not get the job."
-- edgarpickle
Shove Your Masters
"Finished up a masters degree in physics. Got a phone interview and was was told it would be an introductory chat. Was confronted with a technical interview panel (over the phone) of 6 PhDs, 4 of which had graduated from the research group I had just left. We walked through my research project in about 10 minutes."
"Then the pain began... felt like I'd only learned kindergarten physics."
-- A-Meezy
An Extremely Intimidating Position
"Got an interview for a job as a floor manager at a gigantic steel foundry. I have some background in metallurgy so I thought it'd fit. It paid $90k and I was qualified resume-wise. I got there, turned out it was a group interview with three other applicants, to hear the pitch."
"If something messes up, the company loses $100,000 (some shockingly high amount, I don't remember if it was exactly 100k) per hour and it's your sole responsibility to fix it. They said you'd have to be on call 24/7 to handle anything that comes up."
"I got to the solo part out of curiosity and the interviewer they put me with said something to the effect of 'I know this job sounds bad, but actually it's even worse.' I was desperate for a job because I didn't land one straight out of college, but I was glad not to hear back from them after the interview..."
-- Kersikai
Here's hoping you don't have a job interview scheduled and this just amplified your anxiety 1000%. The nice thing to remember is that these horror stories are few and far between.
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People Explain Which Minor Injustice They Suffered As A Kid That They're Still Salty About
When we're kids, we expect the adults in our lives to notice everything, know everything, and maintain a just, sound moral order.
Psh, don't hold your breath.
Whether it's a teacher, the parent supervising a playdate, or mom and dad at home, kids expect them to have eyes on the back of their heads.
That way, when a kid gets into a spat with a peer, has something stolen, or feels a quiet emotion, the adult in the room will respond with full knowledge of all the facts at play.
But adults are just human beings with a limited bandwidth in their heads. Half the time they're doing other things when the incident goes down.
So they weigh in as best as they can with the limited info they receive--usually in the form of two screaming children pointing at one another.
Curious to learn about the times when the adult got it wrong, Redditor Butterat_Zool asked:
"What minor injustice was wrought upon you as a child that you're still salty about today?"
Many people talked about times when a prized possession was stolen, destroyed, or squandered. Sure, things are just things.
But to kids they mean a whole lot.
Covering Her Tracks
"We had a special arts and crafts week when I was about six, maybe younger. I made my dad a Christmas stocking out of clay, because I'd always thought it was unjust that he didn't have one. It was going to be my Christmas presents to him."
"I took it to the teacher to show her, and so it could be fired later. She methodically destroyed it by balling it up in her hands, and then tried to put it down to a brain fart. I was shocked, but mostly I wanted a replacement stocking, since it was meant to be a gift. I asked her to remake it for me, since she, a teacher, would be allowed to use the clay any time, but I only had a few minutes left."
"The next day I was told I'd been bad and I wasn't allowed to participate in the arts and crafts week any more, and that was that."
-- Pippin4242
No Help From Pa
"When I was 4 I had a little red rocking horse necklace. It was my favourite. I wore it to a puppet show my dad took me to one day and took it off and put it beside me."
"The kid next to me picked it up and wouldn't give it back. We fought."
"My dad told her dad he didn't recognize the necklace and let her take it. I'm 45 and still salty."
In-School Pawn Shop
"Teacher took my 2ft long pencil and sold it to another student."
"Yup. A few teachers at that school sold supplies like pencils to students. It just so happened that this one was taken from me because it was 'too distracting' "
-- Airsnipes
All Them Nintendos
"When I was younger I wanted a Sega Dreamcast. My parents wouldn't just buy it for me, since 'I already had enough Nintendos.' I got a job at Hollywood Video. I couldn't even drive yet, so I would ride my BMX to work in my tuxedo uniform."
"When I saved enough money, I told my parents I was going to buy it myself. They told me no. When I asked why, they said it was to teach me that I can't always get what I want, even if I can afford it."
"I bought one anyway and successfully hid it from them. Every night when I went to 'bed,' I'd hook up the Dreamcast and play as quietly as possible. I still give them sh** for that decision, but they stand by it."
Other people fixated on the times an adult embarrassed them in front of multiple people. Of all the examples given, these are enough to make you really worry about some of the people watching kids out there.
Shot Down
"We were on a field trip to some Washington forest and the ranger started asking about products that grow in or are made from forests."
"3rd grade me who had just discovered in some Ranger Rick article that latex rubber comes from tree trunks confidently raised my hand to share."
" 'Uh rubber from trees, now that doesn't sound right does it' and she moved onto another. 35 years later and the salt is still there."
-- plains59
Defensive Strategy
"In 4th grade our teacher told us to write a paper about what we thought of our school, now our school wasn't great and I was homeschooled up until that year and struggling with the change so wrote about my frustrations and how I was generally unhappy with it..."
"...and she insulted me in front of everybody until the point that I cried and then told me I should get up and read the paper to the class, I refused and she made me rewrite that paper until it was positive, you know instead of trying too help me with the problems I had"
-- -redmenace-
Don't Cross a Paleo Nerd
"I was failed on an essay in English class because my interpretation was incorrect. The poet was describing an airplane and they asked us to figure how what it was being interpreted or anthropomorphized as."
"I was a paleo nerd and chose a pterosaur, because the author described the engines as screeching, and heaving, wings outstretched but still, etc. This was in 6th grade and in my essay I wrote 'and pterosaurs weren't like modern birds, they certainly didn't chirp!' "
"The teacher specifically read my essay out loud to the class as an example of something bad and wrong and 'incorrect.' She also didn't know what a pterosaur was or how you say pterodactyl. Big Salt could mine me until the sun explodes."
-- Casgrey
And finally, others shared the times they found themselves doing the wrong thing, in the wrong place, at the wrong time. The adult only saw a snippet of a much broader context of behavior.
And the minimal knowledge led them to punish exactly the wrong person.
Phone-triloquist
"Someone's phone went off in class, so teacher demanded that person turn their phone it. No one budges. She holds us in class for a good 20 minutes into the next period antagonizing us about this phone that rung. Eventually she let us go and warned all other teachers about this phone incident."
"My 8th period teacher then gets involved and antagonizes us all again. Said he was gonna stand out in the hall and whoever knows anything to report to him. Some kid went out there and said it was my phone. I got yelled at, got written up for Saturday detention, and later that year found out the kid who told on me was the one who's phone rung in class."
The One Time
"In kindergarten, we sat on this foam mat made out of large puzzle pieces, and we were all assigned one. My puzzle neighbor, Tommy, threw his garbage onto my square. Every time I pushed it off, he'd put it back."
"I eventually got mad and told him to knock it off, and the teacher noticed and yelled at me for throwing garbage into his square. I sat out for the rest of the day and my pin was brought down to 'bad day'. I accidentally broke his nose on the metal spider a few weeks after during tag, though."
Pulled In to the Chatter Hole
"Once a week, in kindergarten, they would pick a name of a kid who would win a toy. Only good kids could participate."
"I was alway a good kid, but not really lucky. My name got picked only once in the whole year. That day, unfortunately for me, I was next to a kid who would not shut up during the lesson. I spoke once to ask him to please stop talking. Guess who the teacher chose to punish for disturbing the lesson? That's right. Me. Didn't get my toy."
-- Maauve91
Until some kind of horrifying technology comes out that allows adults to see and know every facet of their child's existence, tiny injustices like this will proliferate.
But perhaps those couple slights are totally worth the freedom of adults that don't know everything we're up to.
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The prevalence of abusive or deeply uncomfortable home environments is a reality that, unfortunately, impacts countless children everywhere.
And alongside that depressing truth is another supplemental tendency that accompanies those hardships: children tend to get used to the horrible environment they've been dealt.
In the moment, that's a coping mechanism that allows a child to press on and grow, as much as possible, despite ruthless surroundings.
But the repressed always returns.
Sometimes months, years, or even decades later, people suddenly realize that their home life was not at all okay.
Curious to find out what that realization looks and feels like, Redditor Shiekhspeare asked:
"At what point did you realise your childhood was messed up?"
Some Redditors discussed realizing how bad things were right in the moment. Usually this took the form of a particularly horrifying incident that even a young child could decipher as not at all healthy.
Disparities
"In the middle of our second time being homeless I overheard a kid bragging in class about his vacation."
"I pooped in a bucket the night before and that kid had been to six flags."
No Other Way to Interpret That
"When I was 5 years old and watched my father put a shotgun in his mouth and threaten to pull the trigger, my mom crying and trying to convince him not too, while my brothers and I watched from the swing set"
-- Pandalinc
The Myths are True
"When I was locked in a concrete basement with the lights off for an unknown amount of time for my 5th birthday." -- Soloskystar
"I have a 5 year old and this just broke my heart. I am sorry that happened to you." -- justagirl--
Other people responded that they only had the realization when they reflected upon their early years from years down the line.
It often takes a push or a specific set of circumstances to prompt the reexamination, but it's an important moment.
In Plain View
"My sister got our family videos all digitized as a Christmas present one year. She loves being the center of attention, always has been, so she puts it on the TV. Her childhood looked happy. Our parents were together, big family, everyone showing up for her birthday."
"Fast forward to me. Mum looks tired, my grandparents are old, dad's not there, and I'm just sorta there. Fast forward 10 years later to my middle school graduation videos. I'm not even smiling or happy. Hurts to see lil you so sad all the time."
Textbook Case
"I was studying to be a teacher and took a course on complex trauma in children and it was like reading about my childhood. It did help me to understand a lot of the mental health issues I had going on at the time so that was a silver lining."
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"Oof. Not until I was 27 and completed an ACES survey at work as part of a training focused on trauma informed care."
"My score was very high and that literally forced me to see my past as traumatic versus 'lol my family's kind of crazy.' "
-- kismetkitten
With a Little Help
"When I went to a counsellor about my depression and I learned that it wasn't normal to be routinely dragged out of my bed in the small hours of the morning and act as a mediator for my feuding parents, and be forced to side with one or the other on the insults they made about each other."
-- Usidore_
Always Stepping In
"When I went to a counsellor about my depression and I learned that it wasn't normal to be routinely dragged out of my bed in the small hours of the morning and act as a mediator for my feuding parents, and be forced to side with one or the other on the insults they made about each other."
-- Usidore_
A Sudden Epiphany
"I was about 33, sitting at work on a Sunday and all of these memories started hitting me and I was like, omg, that is child abuse. I really just sat there and took memory by memory. And now, almost 10 years later, I do not know what to do."
-- abarthvader
For others, it was all seen through contrast. They simply opened their eyes and ears to look at the families and lives of the kids around them.
The differences were shocking and illuminating.
No Touch
"When seeing kids hug their parents/siblings and thinking it was weird AF." -- MasterPip
"To this day, I'd feel more comfortable hugging a complete stranger than I would hugging one of my parents." -- onthe_strugglebus
Chump Change
"As an adult watching a movie with scenes of child abuse and neglect with a group of friends and everyone else was commenting on how horrible the actions were while i was like 'eh... thats not so bad.' "
-- Braj13
Objectivity
"Was talking with a few friends about my parents one night while drinking, i said that despite the floggings i got growing up my mum and step dad were still awesome."
"My friends had a confused look on their faces and asked what did i mean... so i told them about the numerous times i was beaten with wooden spoons, belts, spatulas, jug cords, extension cables and basically anything else that would hurt but not break skin."
"My friends were beyond horrified and explained to me that what i had experienced was child abuse and that my parents should've been locked up for it... i honestly thought it was normal up til that moment"
-- amorphim
Another Way
"When I went to my friend's places, and figured out how nice and caring theirs parents were" -- No_fu**ing_one
"i once saw my friend's parents hold hands and i found it fascinating because my parents never talked to each other" -- AlternativeEgg02
A Learned Walk
"When I realized that not everybody had to tiptoe around their dads to avoid triggering his anger." -- amelie_v
"Very relatable. Do you also get 'whoa! didn't hear you there!'; from folks? I'm 6'4" 280 lbs and I inadvertently sneak up on people all the time. Old habits die hard." -- 500th_throwaway
Just Blank
"when people would talk about what they can remember from their childhood, i was never one to say anything. later learned that not remembering much from your childhood is a trauma response"
-- saaaaadtime
The worst part of it all? Even through all those years when a person doesn't quite realize their childhood was seriously problematic, the deeply internalized traumas and coping mechanisms are impacting behavior every single day.
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