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Doctors Reveal When They Knew Their Patient Was Lying To Them

Doctors Reveal When They Knew Their Patient Was Lying To Them
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When most people think about a patient lying, they assume it's because they're looking for drugs - but doctors will tell you that's not always accurate.


People will fake illnesses for all sorts of reasons, and it's not always easy to tell when it's happening. That doesn't mean doctors can't tell, though.

Reddit user JawaanTaylor asked :

Doctors of reddit what was your "this person is obviously f*cking lying/faking" moment?

Seriously - people come up with some of the absolute BEST methods of faking it. Interestingly, a few people chimed in with moments doctors thought they were faking, but they weren't. So here's what we learned, if nothing else. Guys - you can NOT fake a seizure. Even if you pee on yourself. Just don't try.


Seizures Are Hard To Fake

Patient came in with "seizures", non specific weakness, light-headedness, and numbness/tingling in her hands and feet. She gets admitted because of some electrolyte issues (not related to the neuro symptoms, these were corrected later and symptoms persisted). Sure enough on the second day she "seizes". As soon as the diazepam is pushed (before the flush is even in) she stops seizing.

This happens again 3 hours later. The third time while she was seizing we took her hand and tried to drop it on her face twice. Both times she moved her hand out of the way so it wouldn't smack herself in the face. We just stood there until she got tired of shaking. It took about 5 minutes. She left AMA a few hours later.

- ericchen

Claimed she had seizures. Then she got on the ground, started rolling back and forth shouting "LA LA LA" at the top of her lungs. Legitimately thought she fooled people.

- temptthethrowaway

Had a patient start seizing in front of the cops after they were pulled over for possible drunk driving. We get there and patient is still on and off seizing. We get them on the stretcher and in the back of the ambulance, surprisingly the cop joins us. As I take their arm, the shakes start up again, so I tell them, "yo if you want this medication, I need you to stop so I can start and iv real quick..." patient stops to let me start the line, and once I say I'm done, they start back up.

- g_host7

A women was "having a seizure" when the attending looked at the other doctors and said "she's faking." The women stopped mid-seizure, glared, said "no i'm not you f*cking b*tch" the continuing her seizure.

- The_NotoriousGOAT

"High Up On The Lifeguard Chair"

Giphy

Funniest story of my medical school career. We were rounding on the wards for a teenage son whose parents were in the room.

Dad: "Uhh, we saw our son tested positive for marijuana, this is clearly incorrect."

Attending: "There are some false positives but the test is pretty accurate."

Dad: "My son is a life guard, he would never smoke."

Son: "Yeah, I've never ever smoked" (looking scared AF)

Attending: "We can order a more sensitive test that will give a more accurate answer"

Son: "WELL..... I do sit really high up on the lifeguard chair and I think some of the kids around the pool smoke, so maybe I breathed in some of the smoke while working."

Team: Frantically ends conversation to leave the room and laugh hysterically.

- ImJustBME

They're Not Always Faking

My mother was an ER doctor, and her favorite story about an "obviously lying" patient ended up with a total plot twist.

Scruffy guy, mid-50s, comes in looking for nonspecific help. Confused, smelly, dressed in ragged mismatched thrift store suit -- clearly homeless and just looking for a bed or a fix, right? Keeps muttering something about quantum, obviously a little off his rocker.

Mom decides, might as well give him a workup and use the case to teach the residents. Turns out the guy's in near-total renal failure, so they give him dialysis.

Snaps to. Suddenly coherent. Suddenly sane. Suddenly talking about real actual quantum physics.

Turns out he's a math professor. Some organ problem sent him into a mental tailspin on his way to a conference a month earlier. In his confused state he got off the train in wrong city and had been wandering the streets ever since, missing and presumed dead.

They're not always faking.

- monistowl

Ruptured Pregnancy

Had a pt fake a ruptured ectopic pregnancy to get narcotics. Says she was diagnosed with an ectopic at another hospital and given medication to end it. Came in to our hospital in extreme abdominal pain, rolling around, yelling, had vaginal bleeding, the whole nine yards. Gave her a bunch of pain medication so we could get an ultrasound. Ultrasound showed nothing. Urine pregnancy test showed nothing. Beta HCG was 0..... Turns out she was conveniently on her period which made the whole thing very convincing.

Got records from the other hospital, patient had been there yesterday but was not pregnant for them, nor was she diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. Definitely was a "wow she just made up this entire thing"

We had a lovely conversation about all the results. She ended up screaming at me, threatening to sue me for all I'm worth and stormed out. Jokes on her I'm worth -$200K of student loan debt.

- Not_An_Anteater

Comcast

I'm an EMT.

I had a woman that claimed she couldn't get up after a fall in her house. We arrived to her entire house being locked, so we called through a window that was cracked to see if there was any other way inside besides breaking through her screen.

She proceeds to stand up, go to the front door, unlock the door, walk back to where she was and lay back down. We did a generic checkup and there was clearly nothing wrong.

When she said she didn't want to go to the hospital and we were about to leave, she stopped us and asked us to call Comcast for her since we "are the EMS and are a higher priority."

- 1Darude1

Horse Sh*t

Not a doctor, but I am a patient who lied. Before my sobriety I did some "doctor shopping."

After that got hip I'd have to go around to urgent cares and stuff. I ended up "needing" something badly so went to my GP. I've been going to him for YEARS. Like since I was 18.

I told him I was sober and had tooth pain and back pain and other pains and had tried everything. Against what he was supposed to do he looked me dead in the eyes and said "both of us know what you're saying right now is complete horsesh*t."

Turns out my doctor was in AA. I ended up leaving after crying for 30 minutes. Got sober within the next 6 months. He goes to my home group and is still my doctor.

- TediousSandwich

"Non-Organic Hearing Loss" 

Had a patient come in for a hearing test; young guy in his mid twenties which is already unusual. Main issue is that he's getting noise complaints about his music. Huh.

No issues with his ears physically, so I do the hearing test - basically ends up with a profound hearing loss. Weird because that's basically sign-language territory there.

I walk behind him and ask him what his plans are for the evening, to which he responds appropriately.

Definitely what we call a "non-organic hearing loss". He was trying to get the results he wanted to justify being a d!ck of a neighbor.

- ThatBurningDog

A Scrambled Mess

3 year old having tonsil surgery, I run through my usual pre-op evaluation, history, and physical. Parents ensure that she hasn't had anything to eat or drink since the night before. Get her back to the OR, drift her off to sleep, and when I go to place the breathing tube, she vomits basically solid/completely undigested scrambled eggs and aspirates.

Surgery is canceled, we take her to the ICU. Parents obviously fed her breakfast less right before they came in. Confront the parents and they basically say they thought we were just being too mean not letting her eat for 8 hours. There is a reason we ask you not to eat for a period of time before surgery. It is not because we just like being d!cks. Listen to us, please.

- USMC0317

The Explosive Injury

I was getting the rundown on a patient once and the nurse said something about back pain and C4. Okay, he has some injury to his neck and it hurts. Nothing special.

Then I talked to the guy and nope.

He claimed someone had wired the explosive C4 into his back and:
1. It hurt.
2. He was afraid it would explode.

He wasn't a psych case. I don't know why he thought lying about explosives in his spine would be more believable than saying he was moving a couch or something, but whatever.

- H0use0fpwncakes

Code Blue

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EMS here

I had a patient who was pretending to suddenly be paralyzed. Very dramatic, on the floor, saying she couldn't feel anything below her neck. After assessing her, we had her stand and get on to the stretcher. Which she did without difficulty. Despite being "totally paralyzed".

In the ambulance, she told me how she "sometimes goes code blue". And how if she "goes code blue", I must NOT rub her chest or cause her pain. The best way to revive her was to turn the lights low, and talk softly and soothingly to her. She told me all about how she "went code blue" in the hospital over a dozen times last time she was admitted, and how the doctors were so scared they almost couldn't revive her.

During transport, I asked her for her birth date. Her eyes fluttered shut and she didn't respond. We drove in silence for several minutes (while I worked on documenting the very detailed and unrealistic history/story she had been telling me).

Eventually her eyes fluttered open and her hand went to her chest. She says "oh! I think I went code blue there for a minute!"

I replied "nope! No worries, you didn't! You're totally fine and your vitals were pristine! You don't have to worry, you're safe! So what's your birth date?"

She looked super annoyed.

- jigglywiggly22

Non-Smoker

"No. I don't smoke!"

"OK, the results should be back within the next 10 minutes, please hang out in the waiting room"

"Can I go out for a smoke?"

- Beckys_man

Tragic Falls

My aunt and my uncle are both nurses and worked in the emergency room.

Apparently, a lot of people "accidentally" fall on things and get those things stuck in the butt.

- Gamerplays

Central Line

We had an inmate in the hospital who had a warning posted on his chart. He would go in the bathroom and come back out claiming to have vomited (I think? Maybe it was diarrhea) large amounts of blood. After a while someone found an empty, bloody syringe in his sock. He had been drawing blood from his central line to fake a bleed. So much for all our efforts to keep the central line clean.

- anngrn

Back Spazm

Not a doctor, but I was being diagnosed with what ended up being bronchitis, and the dude across from us was trying to convince his doctor that he still has excessive back pain. The dude was able to sit through reception just fine, walk with the doctor, but the second he sat down he starts complaining.

"Ah, yeah it really doesn't feel any better"

"Ooh.."

Etc etc. the doctor starts lazily talking to him and after some X-rays the doctor says nothings wrong with him and that he can transfer him to a more specialized doctor

Well, that would cost him more money, so instead of taking the high road he starts trying to convince the doctor he's hurt.

After about five minutes the dude "collapses"

"AH, AH DOC MY BACKS SPAZZING HELP! I TOLD YOU I NEED MEDICINE!"

(At this point it was blatantly obvious this dude was just flailing on the floor in an attempt to get Percocet)

The doctor starts to laugh, and the man kinda just slowly stops and starts going off on him.

"Dude, get the f*ck out of my office"

the patient went f*cking berserk

He starts walking with the doctor, cussing him out and jumping around him like he's trying to latch onto his forehead.

The doctor calls security, they take him away screaming.

- KauKau223

Hallelujah

Corrections Officer here.

I spend a lot of time in ER's with inmates, so I've seen some pretty crazy stuff...but the best "he's totally faking it" story was from a guy who fell down the stairs in a cell block and said he couldn't feel his legs. I take him up to the hospital and the doctor is going through all sorts of tests. Guy says he can't feel anything. So finally, as the doctor is standing at the foot of the bed he gives me a sly wink and then proceeds to quickly jab this dude's foot with a long metal needle. The inmate screams, pulls both his legs back towards him and starts swearing at the doctor.

Cool as a cucumber, the doctor then says "Hallelujah! I'll get started on your discharge paperwork so you can get him back to the jail." The whole time I couldn't stop laughing!

- Ayodep

Forgetting Symptoms

I shadowed a sleep doctor who had this pretty fake patient one time.

She came in for restless leg syndrome which seems quite legitimate. Then the doctor started to question her and she kept bringing up all of these symptoms she had that clearly were not tied to RLS. She was talking about things like arm pain and chest pain and snoring.She not only started manufacturing new symptoms but suddenly when the doctor asked about the old ones again she was incredibly inconsistent in recalling them. Finally, the doctor asked one more time, "Why are you here? and she couldn't answer him.

- PlushKar

Everyone Was On To Me

This thread is mortifying to read... as a teenager I frequently faked "fits" I have no idea why just one of those attention seeking idiot things. Always thought I was convincing. This has made it abundantly clear that everyone was on to me.

- Flikapea

Virgin Birth

Giphy

I'm a labor and delivery nurse. A young woman, early 20s, came to our main hospital's ED with her Mom complaining of stomach cramping. That is when she learned she was 9 months pregnant and in labor. Got sent over to the women's hospital, L&D. This young woman continually denied ever having sex - oral, vaginal or otherwise. Even after delivery she claimed it was immaculate conception. Very, very weird vibes from both her and her Mom.

We asked questions like: "Have you ever woken up and not remembered the night before?" and "Have you ever drank so much that you don't remember what happened?" because we were worried about her having been raped or assaulted. But she said she has never drank or done drugs.

It seemed like a young woman who was sexually active but didn't want her Mom to know. But her being college-aged, it seemed weird to be embarrassed about that.

- 0ctober0ctopus

The Weirdest Animal Facts People Know

Reddit user FunChemical3182 asked: 'What is the weirdest animal fact you know?'

platypus
Michael Jerrard on Unsplash

People accumulate facts throughout life on a wide variety of subjects.

Some are mundane while others are weird, wild or wonderful.

One subject a lot of people focus on is animals. Most people have a favorite animal that fascinates them that they want to know all about.

Keep reading...Show less

Content Warning: Mental Health, Suicide, Domestic Violence

We all know that we technically can't make anyone else do anything, and we certainly can't "fix" other people. Other people will only change or do something if they choose to; the only person we can really control is ourselves.

But some people really love to try, often to hilarious and terrible results.

Already cringing, Redditor Dapper_Algae6280 asked:

"People who entered a relationship thinking 'I can fix them,' how did that go?"

Time for an Upgrade

"There is a weird thing that happens when you 'fix' someone. They tend to think if you liked them broken, then they deserve better than you now that they are better than they were."

- TheRealLifePotato

"As horrible as it sounds, to have a happy, emotionally healthy relationship you need two happy, emotionally healthy people. If you want to be in that sort of relationship, you need to fix yourself first."

- inactiveuser247

"This right here. After three sh*tty relationships in a row, I realized this is a me problem. I took a few years off from dating to reflect and really learn to see red flags and understand myself so I wouldn't make that mistake again."

- MikoSkyns

No More Spark

"My now ex had PTSD, depression, and a variety of other issues she claimed. After two and a half years of dating (being my first and only relationship), she became more social, less suicidal, and overall happier as a person."

"She decided to cheat on me with someone else due to 'lack of communication' and us 'no longer having a spark". The irony."

"For context, we were 17 at the time, in high school, and I worked full-time hours with initiatives to hang out, which were refused. Red flags everywhere."

- elteragxo

"Your situation is eerily similar to mine, what the f**k?"

"I met a girl with mental and emotional issues and decided to fix them through a healthy relationship. She recovered and found someone else because 'the spark was gone.'"

- Aimlessdrifter8778

Misery Loves Company

"Now we are both broken."

- Brave-Butterscotch76

"The same thing happened to my sister-in-law. She married a very negative and miserable guy while saying 'he will get better' or 'we’re working on it,' and now she’s a very negative and miserable person."

- Moreofyoulessofme

Getting to Watch a Partner Grow

"At first we were only f**king. I don't know if I ever thought I could fix her, but I did fall in love with this beautiful lady with severe anxiety, depression, and trust issues after being in a domestically violent relationship."

"We were f**k buddies for about six months and I got a glimpse of her issues but I still went ahead and asked her to be my girlfriend The heart wants what it wants."

"We dated for a year and a half (two years since meeting), and I actually got to see her at her worst a few times, but I was finally able to get her therapy with a great psychiatrist and treatment, this is when I asked her to move in with me. We've been living together for six years."

"Four years ago, she had the worst breakdown I've seen. She went full-on paranoid, wall-scratching nervous, she was even doubting me and my motives to be there. It was a very difficult week, and she left the house and went to her mom's house in the middle of the night."

"Eventually, her therapist was able to get a hold of her and get her back to her senses. Her doctor then suggested that I also should go to a counselor or at the very least we should do couples therapy so we had strong bases for our relationship and we did."

"I now look back and won't change her for anything in the world, she has grown so much, and she glows right now. I now see her smile and it's glorious. She's achieved a great position too and it's amazing just to see how much happier she looks."

- Spiritual-Narwhal666

Not a Match

"I fixed what I wanted to fix, but that still didn't make us right for each other. In the end, I think she's in a much happier place than she could have been, so I think it was worth the time invested."

"We were wrong for each other, but at least we both came out better positioned to receive the happiness that would come to us later."

- MrWeb20

In Their Nature

"A couple of months into the relationship, I fixed him."

"After some irritation, he stopped peeing on the carpet. Now, my cat still brings mice, but I guess, that's just his nature."

- mobileJay77

The Importance of Boundaries

"I don't know if I would say that I 'fixed' her (and I wasn’t trying to), but I definitely taught my last ex the importance of being able to set boundaries and to stop going out of her way to please people who consistently hurt her."

"Eventually this would lead to us breaking up, but I have no regrets. I have issues of my own that were wearing her down and she did what she had to. Same rules apply. We’re both better off because of it."

- TylerTexas10

Happily Ever After

"She fixed herself and I fixed myself with each other's support, and we are living happily ever after, it seems, with ongoing work on ourselves and our relationship."

- DonPronote

An Uncommon Ending

"I didn’t fix them. But I tried my hardest to be patient and supportive while they fixed themself. Sometimes I was better at support than other times. Sometimes they were better at fixing than other times."

"It ended up being worth the patience. Things have been great with us for years now. I know this isn’t the normal outcome though, and I feel incredibly lucky."

- I_Invented_Frysauce

A Little Help from Our Friends

"Usually I'm the one people try to fix.. I think the repeated attempts definitely helped me. Now my current partner gets to enjoy the previous hard work."

"...I think I just got tired of hurting the people who love me and fixed myself, though."

- addrien

All Their Idea

"You can't fix anyone. You can only fix yourself, but if you really want to try and fix someone, you have to make it seem like it's their idea."

- BuhrZap

A Helping Hand

"I don't think you can fix anyone. You can only help them fix themselves, which is very different."

"If someone is actively trying to fix themselves, and you can actually be the person to support them through it, then it can work, but it could also not work."

"I do think there should be a distinction between the two. I mean, trying to fix someone is a bad idea, but if you like someone and are willing to support them in their journey to fix themselves, it's probably not the worst idea in the world."

- brooksie1131

Lesson Learned

"It went so well that they managed to cure me of the desire to 'fix' anybody."

"I’ll toss you a life preserver if you’re trying to save yourself. But I’m not jumping in the water with anyone so they can drown me on their way out."

"People who need to hit rock bottom in order to better themselves will use you to soften their landing if you let them."

- GlobalPermit5428

Best Friends Forever

"It went well but it didn’t work out."

"So we kind of fixed each other we were both at very weird points in our lives and we only dated for about one and a half years. We didn’t need a romantic partner but we did need a friend in each other."

"We’re both in better places now and the best of friends. We both want each other to be part of our lives just not as lovers."

"All and all, I say we got the best outcomes in our lives."

- CODMAN627

So Worth the Investment

"He was an Uber driver with only a high school diploma."

"I married him anyways and bankrolled his education because he was fun as f**k to be around, was the smartest person I’ve ever met, and loves me like I’m the only woman on Earth."

"Now, he’s a computer engineer and we are landlords together and have bought investment properties. We are very happy together."

"Partners work together to create success. I think selfish people ask, 'what’s in it for me?' Marriage is about selflessness."

"I’m glad I sacrificed for his education. His mind would be wasted otherwise and he’s a genius."

- BabyElephantWalks

In most of these cases, the situation went poorly after a Redditor tried to change someone, and for good reason. If that person isn't ready or doesn't want to be fixed, it's only going to damage the relationship.

There's also something to be said about unconditional love. If you don't want to date the person exactly as who they are right now, why are you even trying to date them?

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

Guy at the gym
Anastase Maragos/Unsplash

Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.

But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.

If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.

Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.

Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:

"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"

You might find these guys at a bar.

The Dude Must Be Hungry

"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."

– insertitherenow

"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."

– TheEighthLord

If The Shoe Fits

"That they were an alpha male."

– I_Have_A_Name37654

"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."

– 88Dubs

Brat Pack

"Me and my bros are all alpha males."

– SonOfDadOfSam

"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."

– NicPizzaLatte

They sure thrive on making sexist comments.

Contagious Femininity

"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"

– Lazy_Natural6154

"FELLAS IS IT GAY?!"

– aliebabadegrote

Sexist Categorization

"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."

"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."

"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."

"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."

"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."

"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."

– ExaminationDouble240

It's Teamwork

"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."

"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."

– Mrbeardoesthethings

Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?

Childish Things Are Too Girly

"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."

– constructionguy89

"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."

"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."

– Green7000

This Woman's Work

"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."

– MrFunktasticc

People discussed rules in the bedroom.

Never Submissive

"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"

– kamalaophelia

Stifling Emotions

"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."

– LambLifts

In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.

The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.

This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.

I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.

Man standing behind large flowers
Quinn Buffing on Unsplash

We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.

Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.

Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.

As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.

Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:

"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"

The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...

"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."

"We had to have an assembly about it."

"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky

Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time

"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."

"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."

"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."

"It wasn't."

"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."

"I quit a few weeks later."

"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin

The Bread Of Heaven

"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."

"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinate

catholic the exorcist GIFGiphy

Retracing Steps...

"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."

"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."

"Always kept about a half block behind."

"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."

"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep

Hygeine Be Damned...

"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleia

exercise push up GIFGiphy

Bad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...

"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."

"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."

"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."

"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."

"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."

"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."

"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."

"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."

"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop

Things Best Left To Professionals...

"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."

"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."

"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologist

uruguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphy

At Least A Lesson Was Learned...

"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."

"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."

"He ran off and no one saw."

"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile

All Creatures Deserve Love

"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."

'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."

"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn

That's What Friends Are For...

"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."

"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."

"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100

Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphy

Not The Right Kind Of Manure...

"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."

"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."

"I did this because I was bored."

"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse

A Little Fantasy Now And Then...

"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."

"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."

"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."

"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."

"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."

'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."

"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."

"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343

dating app GIFGiphy

If anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.

Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.

Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.