Jilted People Share The Stupidest Reason They've Been Dumped
Stupid breakups happen. Seinfeld talked about it, and my mother has sworn her whole life that it is better to break up for a "stupid" reason than to have to live with someone who makes mouth noises. She doesn't mean speaking or laughing, obviously, but I've never met a woman more passionately against any other sound a human mouth can make. Slurping, chewing, mouth breathing ... and heaven forbid you let out an "ahh" after you sip something.
If looks could kill. Jeez.
One Reddit user asked:
What's the stupidest reason you've ever been broken up with?
It turns out the world is full of people who dump or get dumped for reasons other people think are stupid. Having said that... my mom is totally right about the mouth noise thing. Chew with your mouth closed if you can, people!
Immediately Saw Marriage
She met someone that she immediately saw herself marrying.
A month after we broke up she moved across the country, got married, called me to tell me she made a mistake, got divorced, moved back home, got pregnant and then got married again.
Her Current age : 22
Walk Home With A Friend
When I was a teen my ex broke up with me because I didn't walk her home. I walked her home pretty much everyday for like half a year and one day when we we're next to my house with her next door neighbor, I decided I was just going to let them walk together. They lived right next door to one another and it wasn't far. I was tired and figured I'd chill home for a change. Apparently that makes me a bad bf so I got dumped.
Abuse Is Not Sexy
She was upset that I didn't hit her during an argument after she said some out of line shit. She told me she thought abusive relationships were "sexy" and would show that I "cared." That was the most bizarre thing I've ever heard, but probably best that relationship ended lol.
Not Even Dating
A guy broke up with me that I wasn't aware of dating. We had dinner once. We spoke a handful of times via text but very short messages. Out of the blue, after a few months, I get a long message telling me he has to break up with me. We were both in our late 30's.
Time Passes
Met on OKCupid.
Chatted a bit, we seemed to have a bunch in common.
We went on one dinner date that was ok but kinda awkward. He said some stuff that could either be red flags or he's a bad sarcastic flirt, etc - I was on the fence about another date but when he POUTED that I wouldn't kiss him in the parking lot I decided more on the no side.
We didn't talk after that. Eh, it happens. I forgot about it and went on with my single life.
TEN MONTHS GO BY.
I get a message on OKCupid from him:
"I see you're no longer lying about your age - anything else you want to come clean about?"
Wtf?
"Your profile says you're 30 now."
Yeah, because TIME PASSED and now I'm 30. Before that it said 29. That's how ages work?
"Well I can't entertain dating someone who would lie about something this basic. We're done."
When did we even start?
He blocked me.
I'm sure he felt....righteous?
Masculinity So Fragile
I liked to be the big spoon and he told me I was questioning his manhood.
53 Hours
Mine seems pretty mundane after looking through these comments but had a girl break up with me by saying:
"Its been 53 hours since you said I love you, so clearly you are trying to be distant so I break up with you first so YOU WIN."
I was relieved after the initial shock she was apparently batty and I never knew
Hoping For The Concert Connection
Broke up with me at 2 in the morning, her reason was that one of her favorite singers was coming in for a concert and she was trying to meet him and have him fall in love with her.
Why Does It Matter Two Years Later?
My first girlfriend who I was with for 2 years broke up with me because I went to see a movie with a group of people and never told her about it.
I saw the movie in our first month together.
Like You Meme It
I had someone break up with me because I showed her too many memes.
Is this a problem? I think it's a problem.
Immortal
I dated a girl for one day. She broke up with me because in her words I was "immortal." I'm pretty certain she was going for immoral but hey you take what you can get.
God Said No
She said that God came to her in a dream and told her that to follow his path she could not walk it with me. She then started going to church and became an assistant minister or something. Then she started dating a local junkhead wife beater because he had reformed himself and come to God. And then he cheated on her. And now she works at Walgreens.
Inconvenient Cancer
My dad was dying of cancer, and my highschool girlfriend dumped me because I was "depressing to be around."
Scorpio
It wasn't a break, up but me and this girl that I had never met before were waiting at the bus stop and we got to talking and everything was going pretty well, I'm fairly sure I was even close to getting her number, but apparently it turns out she was SUPER into astrology and when she found out I was Scorpio she stopped talking to me and walked away. She purposefully missed her bus to get away from me.
Lack Of Growth Spurt
We were both 21 years of age and had been together 3 months. He breaks up with me because I'm not tall enough. I'm 5'3" he was 6'9".
Was he expecting a growth spurt anytime soon??!!!!
Single For Heroin
She wanted to be single for her first heroin experience.
Fallout: New Vegas
I broke up with a girlfriend in highschool because it was school holidays and she kept texting me to hang out but I was never replied because I had just bought Fallout New Vegas and it basically took over my entire life.
She was getting upset that I wasn't texting her, all I wanted to do was play Fallout, and figured it would be easier to just dump her so I could get back to my PC rather than try patch things up.
In hindsight it was extremely stupid because she was super cute and really smart, a really good gf in general. I ended up apologizing years later at a party we were both at and things were cool... never actually told her that I dumped her because I couldn't be had trying to explain to her that I just wanted to play my new computer game rather than hang out with her, but that's between you and I now, Reddit
tl;dr dumped a 10/10 gf in highschool because I just wanted to play fallout new vegas instead of replying to a few of her text messages
Christmas Eve In A Strip Club
I once dated a woman from Shenzen, China. She was in the states for college. I took her out on Christmas Eve for dinner and as I'm driving her back to her dorm, we pass a strip club. She says she has never been and wants me to take her. I told her some other time, as I can't imagine spending Christmas Eve in a strip club. She dumps me on the spot.
It was worth it for the story.
My Seinfeld Breakup
I broke up with a girl who pronounced 'ketchup' as 'cats-up'
My friends refer to it as my "Seinfeld Breakup"
I Wasn't Born In The 80's
Someone broke up with me because he found out that I was three months younger than him, meaning that I was born early in the next decade. Which meant that I couldn't possibly 'get' him because I wasn't born in the 80s.
H/T: Reddit
Of course, most of the time, it was “just a phase". And looking back, those phases are regrettable, to say the least. Here are some prime examples of that.
SirGergoyFriendman asked:
What was your biggest/most regrettable "It's not a phase, mom. It's my life." that, in fact, turned out to be just a phase and not your life?
The enthusiasm of a young person can lead to some unexpected changes that parents are just not ready for.
Hi, Wheeljack!
I was VERY into The Transformers when I was a wee lad in the 1980s. One day, I decided to change my name to the name of my favorite Autobot. My name was lame, and I wanted an awesome Transformer name. And I was VERY insistent that my parents only call me by my new name. Calling me by my 'old' name would cause a big fat tantrum on my part.
So for the better part of a week, my poor parents had to call me Wheeljack.
Very 2008.
Ariana Grande Shrug GIFGiphyMy cat-ear phase. I wore cat ears every single day. Everywhere. I had like 20 pairs of them. Now everyone thinks I'm a furry.
I find that very cute and wouldn't have thought you'd be furry. Even if you'd had cat mittens. I think my suspicions would have started if you moved a bit like a cat, displayed catlike grooming habits or got a cat mask.
Not gonna lie, that car sounds cool.
I went to a car show once as a teen, and the only newer car there was some chick's PT cruiser. It was hot glittery pink, and at the time I was obsessed. I insisted that one day I would have a hot pink car, with pink seats, pink dash, pink carpets, etc. I was pretty heavily goth at the time, so my parents just rolled their eyes.
These phases can often lead to some very strange fashion choices.
That’s commitment.
When I was a teenager (early 00s), I was waiting for my mother to pick me up and was wearing one of those sh!tty sports wristwatches. It was itching me so I took it off for a second, but then she arrived and because I was struggling to get it back on my wrist, I looped it around the equally sh!tty chain I had around my neck in a rush to get out the door.
My mom asked me about it in the car, and I told her this was my new style and I planned to wear it like that every day. She rolled her eyes.
I wore that watch on a chain around my neck every single day for 3 years or so. There are even professional family photos where I'm wearing it because I refused to take it off.
One day, the chain broke and I lost the watch. I was in high school at that point anyway and it was a major lady repellent, so... phase over.
Not everyone can be Eminem.
slim shady eminem GIFGiphyBaggy pants, being a rapper someday and being a professional skater.
When I was about 14 and Eminem was starting to blow up I bought myself a keyboard with a synthesizer. It cost like $200 which was all the money I had saved up. It finally came (this was way before amazon prime and such) and I tried rapping.
My sister told me "you're effing horrible" and I gave up right then and there.
This should be a sin.
I used to button the top buttons of polo shirts.
I must say, this is probably the worst one I've read.
Looking back at our regrettable choices, all we can do is cringe.
An optimistic look at bad tattoos.
check me out season 3 GIF by PortlandiaGiphyBeing a tattooer. Regrettable because of those poor people who have my awful doodles on their bodies.
Take heart! My favorite tattoo is the one I drunkenly got my buddy to do in his living room one year during March Madness! It's dumb and frankly mediocre? But such a good story and has such good associations I smile every time I see it.
RIP Fredro’s.
My friend and I decided we were going to open a bar in Jamaica with exotic snakes in glass cages in the walls at each booth. We convinced ourselves it would be amazing for at least two years in college. It was going to be called Fredro's.
My entire family made fun of me for it. Once we got out of college, we realized it was not feasible and joined the office grind. We're also two white guys with no ties to Jamaica.
Talk about cringey.
I wore a top hat with an anime pin on it for around a year. Met one of my current best friends while wearing it, idk how he could bear to speak to me after that.
My weirdest phase was probably when I insisted on wearing knee-high rainbow socks to school every day. But honestly, I don't regret it. I rocked those socks, and I wish I still have a pair.
To all the people out there cringing over their past selves, remember that you were just a kid, and to be easy on yourselves. After all, we've all been there
Yet, too often, manufacturers who oversell their products fail to deliver what is promised and are inevitably left with angry customers who want their money back.
Whether the merchandise was defective or ridiculously overpriced, strangers online shared some of their worst purchases when Redditor BooksMcGee asked:
"What is the worst product you ever paid money for?"
Short Life Span
"This NERF gun that's supposed to shoot tennis balls for your dog. I bought it cause I thought you could load 3 at a time and shoot them far, but it's just one and it's super loud and the gun broke after like 4 shots (reading reviews later, this was a common issue)."
Lame Pets
"There were these toys called squiggles when I was a kid and the commercials made it seem like the toy was alive. It looked like you would get this crazy little fuzzy worms as pets that would follow you around an so sick tricks and listen to your every command. It was really just a piece of fluffy string tied to another piece of string with googly eyes on it. People may say that it was supposed to be a magic trick but they should also explain that to a 5 year old who really wanted a pet."
Card Value
"Not their fault, but I paid $70 for a Yugioh card hours before it was limited to one copy. Probably dropped to $20 by the end of the day."
These purchases were bad for your bum.
"A bicycle that literally fell apart before I made it out of the parking lot."
Not Worth Sitting On
"Joybird brand couch. Was so terrible, we returned it. Still hard to believe, we returned a freaking couch."
Going Nowhere Fast
"A 2000 VW Beetle (used)."
"Biggest piece of sh*t that literally had to have just about everything replaced before 100k miles and would still break down every time you left the driveway to the point where the tow-truck driver knew us on a first-name basis."
Expensive Lemon
"An Oldsmobile Achieva from one of those buy here pay here places. I should have known better, but I was young and thought I was getting a good deal. I had the thing for about 5 months, I drove it for maybe 3 weeks. The rest of the time it was either in the shop, or in my driveway waiting until pay day so I could afford to fix whatever broke on it this week. Eventually told the dealer just take it, I'm not paying for it any more. He said nope, and I will make sure your credit is ruined. I said well you sold me a lemon, do you really want to go this route? He came and took it. Never reported anything to credit. I heard he got sued by several other people who sold sh**ty cars too and eventually went out of business."
"Always amazes me when I see them driving around still, I can only assume there's enthusiasts who just love repairing horribly designed cars."
– zerbey
These Redditors were not convinced what they ingested was edible.
Bad Cereal
"A box of plain Cheerios. Thought they were honey nut, poured a bowl, was very disappointed."
"If I wanted to taste cardboard, I'd just eat the box."
– gor8884
Space Pizza
"A burnt frozen pizza at the air and space museum cafe in DC. I Don't wish that experience on anyone. There are some amazing restaurants in DC, don't settle."
– Alseids
The following electronics just gave off a bad charge.
"Asus Transformer Pad TF700"
"This was one of those early 'high end' Android tablets that was grossly underpowered, and it showed. Thing was slow as sh!t in no time flat. Rookie mistake investing into shiny new tech while they were still working all the bugs out. Think I paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $350-400 for it..."
– Luke5119
Bad Apple
"macbook pro 2018 13" touchbar. 2 years old and dead (battery). they're asking $300-$400 to change the battery. malfunctioning keyboard with double presses and missing presses. that's a lot of money for bad design."
Chilly Reception
"Past winter my old room heater broke down and I had to buy a new one. Went to a store nearby and somehow got convinced to buy a very costly heating device.. It's also my fault, since there were some sligthly cheaper options around, but nope. I wanted the expensive one thinking it will make my small room a volcano with little to no effort/cost (that's also what the seller told me). Long story short the device wasn't doing ANYTHING. No significant temperature changes, too much space, a weird noise, and was doubling my previous device in utility cost. I still gloom over those 80 euros.."
Some of my disappointing purchases was clothing, but only because I purchased them online. Unless they are a brand I'm familiar with, I'm usually fine with buying new jeans off of their websites.
But when it comes to graphic tees only available on specialty shops, an M-size shirt is not necessarily the same size as those found in other reputable stores.
I bought a medium sized T-shirt from a boutique store online because I loved the look of the design. But when it arrived, the supposed medium fit me like an XL.
At least I gained a fierce cleaning rag from this impulsive purchase.