Jilted People Share The Stupidest Reason They've Been Dumped

Stupid breakups happen. Seinfeld talked about it, and my mother has sworn her whole life that it is better to break up for a "stupid" reason than to have to live with someone who makes mouth noises. She doesn't mean speaking or laughing, obviously, but I've never met a woman more passionately against any other sound a human mouth can make. Slurping, chewing, mouth breathing ... and heaven forbid you let out an "ahh" after you sip something.

If looks could kill. Jeez.

One Reddit user asked:

What's the stupidest reason you've ever been broken up with?

It turns out the world is full of people who dump or get dumped for reasons other people think are stupid. Having said that... my mom is totally right about the mouth noise thing. Chew with your mouth closed if you can, people!

Immediately Saw Marriage

She met someone that she immediately saw herself marrying.

A month after we broke up she moved across the country, got married, called me to tell me she made a mistake, got divorced, moved back home, got pregnant and then got married again.

Her Current age : 22

Walk Home With A Friend

When I was a teen my ex broke up with me because I didn't walk her home. I walked her home pretty much everyday for like half a year and one day when we we're next to my house with her next door neighbor, I decided I was just going to let them walk together. They lived right next door to one another and it wasn't far. I was tired and figured I'd chill home for a change. Apparently that makes me a bad bf so I got dumped.

Abuse Is Not Sexy

She was upset that I didn't hit her during an argument after she said some out of line shit. She told me she thought abusive relationships were "sexy" and would show that I "cared." That was the most bizarre thing I've ever heard, but probably best that relationship ended lol.

Not Even Dating

A guy broke up with me that I wasn't aware of dating. We had dinner once. We spoke a handful of times via text but very short messages. Out of the blue, after a few months, I get a long message telling me he has to break up with me. We were both in our late 30's.

Time Passes

Met on OKCupid.

Chatted a bit, we seemed to have a bunch in common.

We went on one dinner date that was ok but kinda awkward. He said some stuff that could either be red flags or he's a bad sarcastic flirt, etc - I was on the fence about another date but when he POUTED that I wouldn't kiss him in the parking lot I decided more on the no side.

We didn't talk after that. Eh, it happens. I forgot about it and went on with my single life.

TEN MONTHS GO BY.

I get a message on OKCupid from him:

"I see you're no longer lying about your age - anything else you want to come clean about?"

Wtf?

"Your profile says you're 30 now."

Yeah, because TIME PASSED and now I'm 30. Before that it said 29. That's how ages work?

"Well I can't entertain dating someone who would lie about something this basic. We're done."

When did we even start?

He blocked me.

I'm sure he felt....righteous?

Masculinity So Fragile

I liked to be the big spoon and he told me I was questioning his manhood.

53 Hours

Mine seems pretty mundane after looking through these comments but had a girl break up with me by saying:

"Its been 53 hours since you said I love you, so clearly you are trying to be distant so I break up with you first so YOU WIN."

I was relieved after the initial shock she was apparently batty and I never knew

Hoping For The Concert Connection

Broke up with me at 2 in the morning, her reason was that one of her favorite singers was coming in for a concert and she was trying to meet him and have him fall in love with her.

Why Does It Matter Two Years Later?

My first girlfriend who I was with for 2 years broke up with me because I went to see a movie with a group of people and never told her about it.

I saw the movie in our first month together.

Like You Meme It

I had someone break up with me because I showed her too many memes.

Is this a problem? I think it's a problem.

Immortal

I dated a girl for one day. She broke up with me because in her words I was "immortal." I'm pretty certain she was going for immoral but hey you take what you can get.

God Said No

She said that God came to her in a dream and told her that to follow his path she could not walk it with me. She then started going to church and became an assistant minister or something. Then she started dating a local junkhead wife beater because he had reformed himself and come to God. And then he cheated on her. And now she works at Walgreens.

Inconvenient Cancer

My dad was dying of cancer, and my highschool girlfriend dumped me because I was "depressing to be around."

Scorpio

It wasn't a break, up but me and this girl that I had never met before were waiting at the bus stop and we got to talking and everything was going pretty well, I'm fairly sure I was even close to getting her number, but apparently it turns out she was SUPER into astrology and when she found out I was Scorpio she stopped talking to me and walked away. She purposefully missed her bus to get away from me.

Lack Of Growth Spurt

We were both 21 years of age and had been together 3 months. He breaks up with me because I'm not tall enough. I'm 5'3" he was 6'9".

Was he expecting a growth spurt anytime soon??!!!!

Single For Heroin

She wanted to be single for her first heroin experience.

Fallout: New Vegas

I broke up with a girlfriend in highschool because it was school holidays and she kept texting me to hang out but I was never replied because I had just bought Fallout New Vegas and it basically took over my entire life.

She was getting upset that I wasn't texting her, all I wanted to do was play Fallout, and figured it would be easier to just dump her so I could get back to my PC rather than try patch things up.

In hindsight it was extremely stupid because she was super cute and really smart, a really good gf in general. I ended up apologizing years later at a party we were both at and things were cool... never actually told her that I dumped her because I couldn't be had trying to explain to her that I just wanted to play my new computer game rather than hang out with her, but that's between you and I now, Reddit

tl;dr dumped a 10/10 gf in highschool because I just wanted to play fallout new vegas instead of replying to a few of her text messages

Christmas Eve In A Strip Club

I once dated a woman from Shenzen, China. She was in the states for college. I took her out on Christmas Eve for dinner and as I'm driving her back to her dorm, we pass a strip club. She says she has never been and wants me to take her. I told her some other time, as I can't imagine spending Christmas Eve in a strip club. She dumps me on the spot.

It was worth it for the story.

My Seinfeld Breakup

I broke up with a girl who pronounced 'ketchup' as 'cats-up'

My friends refer to it as my "Seinfeld Breakup"

I Wasn't Born In The 80's

Someone broke up with me because he found out that I was three months younger than him, meaning that I was born early in the next decade. Which meant that I couldn't possibly 'get' him because I wasn't born in the 80s.

H/T: Reddit