"No, No, No, I Didn't Mean That"
It's easy to offend people without meaning to, especially when you think you're complimenting them. That's the hard thing about backhanded compliments. We never speak up about how awful they sound because we know they come from a good place. Reddit user, u/b-tchspaghetti, wanted to know about those times when someone put their foot in their mouths when they asked:
What is the most backhanded compliment you have received?
Was Skin Color Involved?
You speak English really well.
Bruh, I was born and raised in Ohio. What do you expect
It's Your Sweet Car
From my first girlfriend, back in high school. I was having a bit of a crisis about how I thought I had a sh-tty personality, so she hit me with "Well, I'm not dating you for your looks."
I know what she was going for, but ouch.
So, Did It Pay Well?
A friend who works in marketing told me a she had a modeling gig I would be perfect for.
It was "very average looking un-intimidating man to model a backpack vacuum cleaner."
I took the job.
Thanks A Lot...
My mom asked what I was up to via text and I've started cooking a lot so I sent her a pic of the dish I made that night.
She responded, "That looks great honey! Now you just have to find someone to share it with."
Thanks Mom.
"Negging" - To Put Down A Woman To Lower Her Guard
"I mean, you're an 8 to me where most guys would give you 5-6"
This was a 16-year-old boy's way of trying to talk me (20 y/o) into dating him after I had said no multiple times. I laughed my a-- off.
Edit// yall made me finally google what negging means
Sometimes, Even You Feel The Pain
My friend, who knows nothing about how to talk to women, got told by my other friend, who knows exactly what to say, that if he doesn't know what to say that he should give her a genuine compliment.
Good idea in practice, but my not-so-eloquent friend got super stressed about not saying something trite/cliché and blurted out "you really don't sweat much" to a girl he was dancing with, and realizing how that wasn't a great line immediately amended it by telling her "you know, for a bigger girl".
Needless to say, things didn't work out so well for him.
At Least You Won
I was playing hide seek with my 8 year-old cousin. She couldn't find me and had My mom come and help her. I heard her say:
"wow for someone so fat she's really good at hiding!"
*my little cousin said that but my mom agreed. I texted my mom from my hiding spot calling them rude.
Caring Is Hard. Noticing Is Harder
"I love how you don't care about how you look and how you dress"
I do :(
How Else Can That Be Taken?
I was talking with an acquaintance about a ski trip with my wife. I told him how I loved to watch her ski, she was so graceful and fluid, and a better skier than me. "Come to think of it," I said, "she is better than me at just about everything."
"That's not true," he replied.
"Why not?" I asked.
"You married better than she did." He responded.
Early, Onset Hair Loss
"you look like you're 12."
I'm near 24... and it's always, 100% without fail, followed up with
"oh don't look so offended, you'll appreciate it when you're older."
I'll just be a balding 36 yr old, with a growing gut and baby face
Compliments That Stay With You
I'm a foreigner. Was at a party in the US for some family. There was a kid there, he may have been between 11/13. He was asking me where I was from and different questions about my accent. At the end he's like," You know your English isn't that bad for it not being your first language." My face dropped, it is my first and only language. I laughed and proceeded to walk away.
It's been years and years ago and I still think about it every once in awhile.
It's Not Supposed To Look Like That
Two girls at work
Girl1: (as she holds some of girl 2s hair) Wow! I wish my hair was this thin, I would save so much time on brushing and money on conditioner!
Girl2: :/
Not What You Appear To Be
You look good for 30, lol I just turned 21 around then.
F my life and my horrible hairline.
Why Take It Back?
A man in a waiting room congratulated me for "being the prettiest face of [his] day," then looked thoughful and followed up with, "Still early, though..."
Just A Little Farther
You lost so much weight! You just need to lose 20 pounds more to look presentable!
- I had just reached a normal/healthy BMI. I felt bad.
HA! She's Still Wrong
This chick once said "You're super cool and sweet, too bad you're short."
Jokes on her, I'm not cool or sweet.
Throwing Literal Shade
You would've been really pretty if you had fair skin."
I'm from the Philippines and the colorism here is f-cking unreal. Whitening products are all over the place. I'm very tan/brown skinned, so yeah, I get this a lot.
What Is It About You?
I was out on a date with a very attractive young woman... a random guy at the next table decides to approach us. He looks at me, shakes my hand and says "you must have the gift of gab or a really sparkling personality. Your date is beautiful. "
Sometimes, It's Who You Marry
"God, your body is so perfect from the waist down"
-My husband
Sometimes, The Insults Come From Your Own
My mother never approved of me becoming a chef. After years of grind and struggle I finally rose to head chef of a busy, classy restaurant. 2 years after I took the post she finally agreed to come eat (a free meal) at my establishment, we went on my day off so we could enjoy a 6 course meal together....
"Everything is so good, whoever you hired to cook this is really a good chef."
I designed the entire menu and took inexperienced teens under my wing to teach them how to cook with perfection. Mothers are our toughest critics.
H/T: Reddit
But we should also be prepared and ready to ask the right questions to have a leg up on the competition.
"What is THE best question to ask on a job interview?"
A company's history or information about a past employee were suggested subjects appropriate for questioning.
Prior Knowledge
"When you were interviewing here, what would you have liked to know before you joined?"
"This worked for me. I asked my interviewer a question about how she had personally dealt with a company policy she had just explained. She bragged about her stellar adherence to the policy. I nodded my approval. I got the job."
A Previous Employee
"One that has always gone over well for me:"
"What were some qualities that the previous employee in this role brought to the job that you would like to see carried forward?"
"Another good thing to do is research the company you are interviewing with and you can ask things about what they may be involved in or you could drop that while reading about the company, you wondered this."
Hypothetical questions were suggested as helpful examples of inquiry.
Indicators Of How Companies Treat Employees
"A question that landed me a job once was: 'If I asked your direct reports about your management style, what do you think they'd tell me?' Stumped a hiring manager and he emailed me personally to tell me about it, no one ever asked him that question but got the job.
"In my current interviews I'm asking 'what did your company do for its employees during [the virus] to improve their day to day, work life balance, etc.' and I ask 'Is there anything your company adopted during [the virus] that they plan to keep post [the virus]?"
"These questions give a lot of insight into whether a company treated their employees well."
Past Performance & Adjustments
"If we were currently sitting in my 1 year review, what would I have done in this year for you to say I excelled in my role?"
"If I could snap my finger right now and change anything about your job or the company, what would it be and why?"
The following questions about a prospective company may not be answered from initial digging on their website.
Measure Of Success & Career Trajectories
"How is success measured in this role?"
"What are some possible career trajectories within the company that could stem from this position?"
Being A Solution
"Ask them what is the biggest problem you can solve for them in your first six months with the company. Similar to 'don't think of a purple hippo,' this forces them to imagine you succeeding in the position."
Simply The Best
"Who is your best employee and why is he/she the best?"
"You will then face 2 situations mostly:"
"panicking CEO who can't answer you 'Bob who works 17 hours a day for a slice of bread' so the fear in their faces must be a big nono for you"
"entusiast CEO who actually follow their business and can tell you who is an added value for the company and why."
– ThePiz91
My experiences with job interviews are different than others seeking work in office environments.
Having had a years-long career as a dancer, my "interview" was the dance audition, where hopefuls dance in small groups of people at a time after learning a routine and then awaiting their fate after the panel evaluates their performances.
The question I may or may not have asked in such a scenario earlier in my career was: "Did I make the cut?"
I did not make the cut. And I learned never to ask that again.
I remember the worst date I ever had. My biggest regret is that I stayed for the entire thing. I should've left as soon as I realized this was not going well, which was basically at hello. But he was paying so I drank, a lot. I'll keep names and dates to myself to protect the innocent.
0/10
Big Brother Reaction GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy"Went to brewery, date said I had hairy arms and that meant I was horny, said "you look really awful in this light" and then tried to dig out of that hole by saying in his native language that was a term of endearment long term couples said to each other. 0/10 did not date again."
Lucky 13?
"My wife wanted to plan our 13th wedding anniversary. I was excited because usually, I plan it. She bought us some new disc golf discs and after a quick supper, we went to play. We hadn't played in forever. We were laughing and I had a great time. She served me with divorce papers and told me that the date was a test to see if she still had feelings for me. I also learned that she was having an affair that started well before our anniversary."
- rmorlock
Two Hours from Home
"Not necessarily a date but a person I was dating invited me to his parent's house for the afternoon. He wanted to introduce me to them and show me the house he grew up in. I thought it was super sweet and had no problems going. He was also in the middle of moving and needed to pick up a few things, so it really didn't seem that unusual."
"Yeah, we got there and it was awful. His entire family was there. They traveled from hours away too. This was not just meeting the parents, it was meeting the ENTIRE family. Even worse? At some point, this idiot told his parents that he had proposed. We had been dating TWO months. I spent the entire afternoon dumbfounded and just playing along."
"We were two hours from home and I had no cell service, no way to leave at all. We ended up spending the afternoon brainstorming wedding ideas and planning an Alaskan honeymoon that his parents planned to gift us. His brother even called to say congratulations! We drove back to his apartment in silence. When we got there, I got in my car and left, didn't even bother grabbing my stuff. Weirdest experience ever. I have no idea how he broke it to his parents that we weren't getting married."
You're Cut Off!
"Got set up on a blind date once between mutual friends. She shows up to the restaurant already a little tipsy, orders multiple appetizers and only takes like one or two bites from each one. Then she proceeds to order 3 or 4 more drinks and is visibly drunk at this point. She gets up and says she's going to the bathroom and staggers off. About 15-20 minutes go by so I try to call her several times but no answer."
"Finally I decide to pay the check and just leave. About 2 hours later I'm sitting at home and I get a call from an unknown number. It's the police department. She was picked up on a DUI on her way home after she ditched me and gave the cops my number to see if I could go bail her out!"
- mox44ah
Sorry?
Bbc Three Idk GIF by BBCGiphy"Well, I gave this answer on a different topic, but it ties in with this. We were out on a date, we had been seeing each other for a while, close to a year maybe. She gets a phone call. Suddenly she looks destroyed. Her fiancé had just died in a motorcycle accident."
What in the world? I mean how can we ever expect to pair off with the dating pool being inundated with liars and nut jobs? I'm going to delete my apps.
Girl, Bye.
Sassy Beyonce GIFGiphy"Had a girl openly flirt with the bartender in front of me. She says she wasn't. But handing him her own phone and asking for his contact info in front of her date seems like it to me."
Crazy!
"Came out from a movie, late at night, and date's Camaro was stolen. Apparently, he called his WIFE (that I did not know he had) and let her know where he was and what happened. She showed up and realized he was on a date! She started chasing ME around the parking lot telling me she was going to kill me. Saved by the cops who showed up just in time to take the auto theft report."
Hey Mom
"Met a girl at a country bar one night in my 20s. We were both pretty drunk but hit it off pretty good. Ended up getting her number and we agreed we'd go on a real date. Fast forward to the date, she gets in my vehicle and... she looks almost identical to my mom. I was mortified. I was polite and we went for lunch where I found out she also had a boyfriend she "wasn't sure if she was into". Never talked to her again."
- SgtGo
Liars...
"When I was in college many years ago, before the advancement of cell phones and social media, I was chatting with a girl I met on a BBS who lived on Long Island, NY. I was 18 at the time, but lied and said I was 22 because she said she was 25. We spent a few weeks emailing each other, as well as calling each other."
"We even exchanged pics. When we finally met up, things blew up. Turns out we both lied about our ages: She was really 33, and lied because she thought she looked younger. She admitted she sent a college photo to me. We still had dinner together, but it was awkward as hell. We never spoke again."
Doubles
Kill Me Now Season 1 GIF by FriendsGiphy"It was a double date. She was more interested talking to the other girl throughout the whole thing. Found out later from the other guy that his girl cheated on him with my date."
Ummm... I think I'm just going to stay single. That is a handful of crazy. Why can't people just be honest? I swear the search for love warps people's brains. Be careful out there people.
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