It's hard out there if you're trying to date.
Tinder, Bumble, Hinge... none of these things have helped people connect as much as they'd like to—and countless people have shared that swiping, swiping, swiping on these apps has been detrimental to their mental health—though there are of course many success stories.
Since dating is so hard, it stands to reason that people would want to poke fun at it. We laugh so we don't cry, as people shared with us after Redditor DOMINOES asked the online community,
"What is the best way to respond to 'Is this a date?'?"
"I once said..."
"I once said 'it’s a business proposal.' We didn’t date for long."
Hopefully her sense of humor at least jived with yours.
"Yes Laura, we've been married for 1.5 years, it's safe to say we're dating."
To quote Casually Explained, "Yeah you really can't be too sure, it might be dark in the room and she can't see you properly, maybe she's from Canada and just being polite."
"“One minute, I have to ask Reddit what they think."
But the answer is always "divorce."
"No, this is a robbery,” then proceed to rob."
"No, this is Patrick!"
The only way to respond to that.
"I don't know."
"I don't know. Let me check the ISO 8601 documentaton."
This is a next-level reference. Well done.
"Do you want..."
"Do you want it to be one?"
The obvious answer. Be sure that your answer is, "Okay, it's a date" if the other person wants it to be one.
Otherwise, just say no.
"Always answer an uncomfortable question with an equal or more uncomfortable question."
This sounds like the beginnings of a war.
I'm here for it.
"Everything's a date. That's how calendars work."
Oh, dear. You're a total smart-aleck, aren't you?
"I think it's a prune, actually."
Narrator: It was a fig.
"I actually had this happen once. I said, “Why, yes it is.” Anyways, we’ve been married 5 years now."
Now this is the happy ending we like to read about! Your boldness paid off.
If you're having trouble putting yourself out there, perhaps some humor could break the ice. And if it's all imploding, you have nothing to lose by pulling any of these snarky responses out of your back pocket.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
Heterosexuals claim to know all there is to know about their opposite gender–especially if they are married or have been in a relationship with them for a long time.
But even couples who claim to know each other well don't know the specific idiosyncracies secretly associated with that of their opposite-sex partners.
Curious to hear examples of what those might be, an interesting discussion was had after Redditor mustafarangoon52 asked:
"What are some 'guy secrets' girls don't know about?"
Strictly male instincts incoming.
"Sometimes we pee on the poo stains in the toilet because we are too lazy to use the scrub."
"If we haven’t carried in all the shopping in one go, we haven’t done it right."
"After a shower, we have no problem drying our balls and face with the same towel. Most of the time we try to dry the face first, then the sack. But sometimes we have to go back to the face. We just hope we use an uncontaminated part of the towel."
"Edit: 'uncontaminated.' My balls are clean after a shower. Just, you know. Wiping the balls then wiping my face is just kind of.......yea."
When it comes to being around women, not all men act the same.
Maintaining Social Distance
"idk if other guys feel this too, but im always afraid of accidentally making women feel uncomfortable in my presence, for example when i happen to walk in the same direction as a woman in front of me for a while. and im not even interested in women in the first place."
Misconceptions Around Being Male
"Sex isn't all we want in a relationship. I'd rather be with someone who understands me but only does it once in a while than someone who I have sex with every day but don't connect with emotionally and mentally."
"Some of us are into things like cooking, cleaning, makeup, fashion, etc. It doesn't necessarily mean we're gay."
"Please don't tell us to 'man up.' A lot of us were constantly told that growing up whenever we tried to express ourselves so you saying it will often bring up bad memories."
"Men can be abused. Men can be raped. Men also tend to be more suicidal because society tells us we're weak if we try to discuss these things. No, we don't "enjoy" being raped by a hot girl, and we often don't talk about it because people will often straight-up tell us we're lying about it if we do."
"As an older man, we don't expect you to look like a supermodel as we age together. Yes, at times I do see you as I did 30 years ago and every wrinkle and flaw disappears. Yes, there are times I see every wrinkle and flaw, and know how you got every one of them. They are beautiful too."
"Sometimes we don’t talk to people cause we don’t want to intimidate them. I might see a girl with a cool shirt on but I don’t want to make her think I’m coming on to her or something."
"Rather than freak her out that a 6’6 guy thinks she looks good today, I just leave her alone. Especially if we’re on an elevator or something where she can’t leave if she actually is uncomfortable."
Strictly male clarifications ahead.
Guys Have Feelings Too
"I’m secretly an emotional wreck, I just hide it."
The Space Between
"Man-spreading isn’t a sexual thing, we’re trying not to crush our balls between our legs."
What Dads Do
"Maybe this is more of a 'dad secret' but, I dont 'baby sit' my own kids, that's called fathering damnit!"
"If you compliment my appearance I will probably remember forever."
"I still remember when a girl in college told me I look nice with my beard when I first grew it out. I’ve had a beard ever since..."
Although there is the misogynistic belief we live in a patriarchal society, there are many exceptions to how the male species are perceived–primarily being that not all guys are a-holes.
School is hard. Sometimes, a kid may be different from the rest of his classmates, and everyone else is cruel and makes fun of them.
However, every now and then, you do find that kid that is weird, not because they are different from everyone else, but because they really just do or say something strange or even evil. Those are the kids their classmates will never forget.
I can't think of anyone like that in my high school, but plenty of Redditors have stories about that!
Curious to find out more, Redditor UngyBungy9383 asked:
"What did "the weird kid" in your school do that you'll never forget?"
I Have Questions!
"He wrote in my yearbook 'When I was 6 years old, I went into a cornfield. I didn’t realize it was a maze. I was stuck for several days without food or water. When they found me, the doctors said I’d never be the same. Good luck in college!'"
"He was in a cornfield...he could eat corn..."
"Stole a car, crashed it, lost both his legs at 17. A few years later he did it again, but this time he stabbed one of the good Samaritans who tried to help him, and shot at another one. He then led the police on an 8 hour manhunt through tropical jungle by detaching his prosthetics and hiding under the leaves and mud, and using a makeshift raft to escape downriver under the cover of nightfall. The newspaper the next day read "armed and legless.""
"I kind of laughed at "lost both of his legs at 17. A few years later he did it again""
"I'm like.. he lost his legs twice?!!!?!!?"
"Yes, he lost all four of them."
Sometimes You Just Need A New Name
"He said he was Sonic The Hedgehog, when someone asked his name he would say "I am Sonic" and run away as fast as he could. He even wrote his name as Sonic on homework and tests. Most people never knew his real name"
"The albino kid in school. He would take off running down the hallway with one hand straight out in front of him and yell, "white lightning!" He was weird but everyone liked him."
Yeah, That Tracks
"Poured his juice on the table at lunch and suction cupped his mouth over it and inhaled it all like a hoover when you put it directly onto a hard floor"
"He's a lawyer now"
"Sounds about right."
This Was Wonderful!
"A few days before a pep assembly, anonymously posted signs all over school that said “the c*ck is coming”. Teachers and school administrators were obviously concerned but clueless."
"Smuggled a live rooster into the assembly and partway through the opening speech at the assembly, whipped it out over his head as it went apeshit. Entire gym full of kids stood up and started chanting “C*ck! C*ck! C*ck!”"
"Was not seen at school for a few days after that.""
"Here comes the rooster"
"He was generally very weird and erratic. One day he extracted a huge slimy booger out of his nose, turned around to me and a friend and told us full of glee: "guys, look!""
"Then he stuffed it back into his nose..."
"One day I asked him why he was so weird and he told me with the straightest face: "The jester's cap affords one many liberties.""
"So I don't know if he was just weird or a secret genius, maybe a bit of both."
"These are words to f*cking live by."
"She barked at people and tried to scratch behind her ears with her foot amd sniffed peoples butts at recess. She was 14."
"Oh my God you had a dog girl?? We had a cat girl!!! She would wear all black and had cat ears, cat gloves, cat collar, and even a fu*king cat tail, and she would walk around the hallways meowing at people. If she didn't like you for whatever reason, because she never actually spoke to anyone, she would hiss at you and swat at you until you left, but sometimes she would chase you. She had two friends if I recall correctly, and she would nuzzle into them and purr. She was the ONLY person who acted like this, and she was that way my entire highschool years, albeit a year younger than me. I graduated in 2018, and I often wonder where she is now and if she's still meowing at strangers."
"I am pretty sure I found her (just judging from my facial memory here) and she has a newborn as of this year. No cat ears on either of them! Which is good...I guess?"
The Power Of Imagination
"So, there was a guy at our school when i was a freshman that everyone called "wolfman" who was weird in all the bad ways. He claimed to have super powers: teleportation, DBZ like energy creation and what not. All the girls said he would he just stare at them if they had class with him. He hung around us freshmen and did his best to "flirt" with the girls. For an example of his "flirting" he once told a girl that while astral projecting, he saw her face on Jupiter. Needless to say, girls stayed away from him."
"He graduated though, and his brother started at the school. Now, "wolfman" wasn't a tall guy by any strech of the imagination, maybe 5 feet at most, but his brother was a good foot shorter than him. He looked liked he belonged in 3rd grade (he never got any taller). It didn't help that he always wore a child's goosebumps jacket, that made people start calling him goosebumps. He was even more "convinced" of his powers than his brother, but at least he was less sexually creepy, but that's all he had going for him. One memorable day i was in math class, and he started shaking violently, people ignored him, so he started flapping his arms around. Wondering if this was an actual seizure the girl next to him put her hand on him and asked if he's ok, he growled back "take your hand off me, this power is too much to contain!" She started yelling at him for faking a seizure and he went back to normal death stare foward grumbling about his powers."
"Was in the band during some down time, some guy kicks off his shoes and socks and bites the ends of his toenails off. Most of the class “casually” migrated towards the other side of the room."
"Humped my desk for a solid minute while maintaining eye-contact with me, and then said, "thanks" and just walked away."
"I'm a guy, this was 15 years ago, on my first day at this new school, and I was just eating lunch at my desk, and this dude just walked up and went to town. No context, no introduction, nothing."
"Didn't even buy me dinner first. Just wham, bam, thank you desk.""
Okay, that last one was extra strange!
Do you have any strange school stories to tell? Let us know in the comments below.
When I was 18, my brother and I drove out to a bridge that everyone in my hometown insists is haunted. I turned around to grab my phone from the backseat when I heard my brother cry out. To this day, he insists he saw a ghostly figure standing in front of him. I didn’t see it, but it’s still the scariest true story I know.
The world is full of scary things. Some of these things are supernatural. More often, they’re heartbreaking. Whatever the case, everyone has that one scary, true story to tell.
Redditors certainly do, and they were more than happy to share when Redditor Littel_Chubb asked:
"What the scariest true story you know?"
"My dad worked in a morgue in during college in the 60’s. One time on the night shift he was training a recent hire who was wheeling a body down the hallway. The body was under a sheet but all of a sudden started to sit up. The guy immediately freaked out, ran out the doors and quit."
"Apparently a dead body can have muscle contractions in the abs causing it to start sitting up. The more you know I guess"
"My uncle was a mortician. Once a body reached up to slap him when he started the embalming process. Same thing - just a muscle contraction, but it freaked him out."
A Shattered Worldview
"I grew up in a funeral home. I helped out in the office. When I was about 15, we got a call from a man whose wife and infant baby had been murdered in cold blood."
"There were very few clues. It made headlines. Cops set up surveillance at the viewing. It was heartbreaking, as the mother was holding the baby in her arms."
"I was asked to take the flower cards and periodically get the husband and ask if he recognized the names. I then photocopied them and put them back. I did it because I was a “kid,” people knew me, and I was unobtrusive."
"I talked to the husband quite a bit. He seemed devastated and shaken."
"The cops told me they had an eyewitness to someone leaving the house the day of the murder."
"The witness was a three year old girl. She recognized the man leaving. It was the husbands best friend."
"Turns out that the friend and the husband had made a pact to kill each other’s families and run off with their secretaries. The little girl identified the friend, and I guess one of them cracked."
"They both went to jail on multiple counts, all on the testimony of a three year old."
"I still cannot believe to this day that that man stood right beside me, multiple times, and I had NO CLUE."
"I don’t think I ever looked at life the same way after that."
Truly Man's Best Friend
"My great aunt woke up in the middle of the night, she heard her dog making these low growls. She was single at the time and living alone in her ranch style home. She walked out to her living room to check things out. She didn’t see or hear anything out of the ordinary, so she decided to make sure her door and front windows were locked. Door was locked, first window she checked was locked. When she lifted the mini blind on the second window, it was wide open and a guy in a ski mask was standing there. She said he laughed this evil laugh and said “party time” then he started to climb in. She screamed that she had a gun, her dog started barking his head off. My aunt did get a gun after that and learned how to use it."
"I can’t even think about what would’ve happened to her if she didn’t have her dog to warn her :( "
Never Truly Know Anyone
"I lived next to a murderer. Faye Swetlik was 6 years old when she was kidnapped out of her front yard. It was all over the news. I had news crews, cops, even the FBI all over my townhouse complex. My fiancée and I met with the FBI 3 times. They searched our home and everything. I remember clear as day, my fiancée FaceTimed me as the cops were digging through the trash cans directly in front of my townhouse. They pulled out her boot and a bloody knife. Then they found her body, dumped maybe 300 feet from my house. He had watched them find the murder weapon. Dumb*ss put it in a trash bag along with his other mail. He went to his back porch and opened his own throat. It’s crazy. I had conversations with the guy. I never knew he was a psycho. This all happened a year ago."
A Tragic Accident
"I'm sure everyone has already hit on the pop culture ones, so I'll go personal. I grew up on a ranch, raising large hoofstock and poultry. Over the winter, we would buy hay from a neighbor and store it in the barn. Something like 80 tons. We get a call one summer from the hay guy's wife, in hysterics, that we have to find another hay guy, because her husband was crushed by the baler. These weren't cowgirl bales, but half-ton ones. She told us the baler had gotten twine snarled under the tilt table that slides complete bales off. He hopped off the tractor, wriggled on in under the table to reach the twine, as he had undoubtedly done many times before, only for the tilt to collapse backwards with a mostly complete bale on it. Pancake from the hips, up. Mom had nightmares about my dad getting killed in a similar manner for months"
DNA Doesn't Lie
"This one kid back in the early 20th century named Bobby Dunbar. He went missing, and after like a year of searching for him, his parents came across a man with a kid who looked a lot like Bobby. They believed it was their kid, and after a legal battle with the kid’s supposed mother, they brought the kid home. A while parade happened due to the missing kid’s return. He lived and died believing he was, in fact, Bobby Dunbar."
"Well, a few decades later, his granddaughter asked Bobby’s (nephew I think?) for a DNA sample so she could see if her and Bobby’s nephew were related. Turns out, they weren’t. Meaning the real Bobby Dunbar is still missing and, probably died alone without his parents."
"So this isn’t necessarily a horror story. Okay, it kind of is. It was a definitely a nightmare inducing experience."
"So this was years ago. One evening my brother is getting ready for bed, and he had a retainer he was supposed to wear to bed."
"Now here’s the thing. My brother is a clean freak. Especially with personal hygiene. He actually has some minor OCD with personal hygiene rituals, and he’s gotten better as he’s gotten older, but the point is, he is rigorous about personal hygiene."
"So my brother was getting ready for bed and opens the sealed container where he keeps his retainer after he washes it every morning and pops his retainer into his mouth."
"And he feels it start wiggling."
"So he pops it out of his mouth like WTF, and there’s a GIANT MAGGOT in his retainer."
"No freaking clue how it could have possibly gotten into his retainer case. He threw the retainer away."
Close Up Those Doggy Doors
"Happened to my boss’s best friend when they were around 17yo:"
"Best friend’s parents were out of town one weekend and she had the house to herself. Went about her business having dinner, watching tv then decided to go to bed. She was lying in her bed with her back to her closet when she heard the door open. She somehow pretended to be asleep - the man who was hiding in the closet walked around her bed to the side she was laying/facing, gently stroked her hair and face then left. She immediately called her boyfriend to ask him to come over then called her parents and then the police. Long story short this man had been getting into their home via a doggy door (they didn’t have a dog and didn’t bother to secure it) and he’d been living in a tent in the foresty area behind their home for months to creep on her. They found a ton of surveillance footage of her sleeping and pieces of her clothes and stuff."
"If I recall correctly this happened somewhere in Alabama, most likely mid-2000s."
"My godson's parents couldn't find him for hours one afternoon / evening and started to panic. They called family close by to help look, and eventually called the police."
"Turns out he climbed between his mattress and box spring playing hide and seek with his brother and fell asleep."
"He woke up when his parents were talking to the cops in the kitchen and just kind of walked in like, "what's everyone so upset about?""
That one made me smile. We need a funny one after all that scary!
I never know the age of anything.
It's funny how we look at certain aspects of life and just have a certain sense of nostalgia attached.
Take Adele for instance. It feels like she's been a part of our lives forever.
But she's only 4 albums in.
That's a drop in the musical bucket.
A very magical and musical bucket.
Redditor LunchCautious8781 wanted to talk about some items that seem old but may still be in the beginning stages.
"What do most people not realize is newer than they actually think?"
Iphones. 14 generations is not that far on. Let's talk at 50.
+/-Pregnancy Test Im Pregnant GIF by Shay MitchellGiphy
"Home pregnancy tests, in the 1970s. No longer do we have to inject the lady’s urine into frogs, mice, or rabbits to confirm a pregnancy!"
"The knowledge that it’s bad to drink when pregnant. Only became widely known in the 80s."
"This one boggles my mind. Alcohol isn't exactly new -- the ancient greeks had wine and mead. The temperance movement was active for a good hundred years before they got the 18th Amendment."
"But nope. While there were certainly some alarms raised throughout history, people were surprised to learn about fetal alcohol syndrome in 1973, and it wasn't confirmed by a second group of researchers until 1979. In the 60's through 80's it was apparently common for doctors to give alcohol intravenously to women to stop premature labor. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetal_alcohol_spectrum_disorder#History"
"The word sibling was coined in 1903."
"I learned in English class in 1990 that English didn't have a word for sibling. Later, they said there was a word but no one used it in everyday speech. My mind was a little blown the first time I saw someone actually use it online, around 1999."
"This is totally false. The word sibling was coined in Old English and used to refer to anyone who was related to you. It fell out of use for a little while, then was brought back in the 1900s to exclusively refer to brothers and sisters. https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/sibling#Etymology"
"Having to show ID at the US/Canada border. Prior to 9/11 they often wouldn't even ask to see a drivers license."
"Same at the Mexican border, even after 9/11. I can remember going down to Puerto Penasco around 2002 or 2003 and just being waved through on the way home. Didn't even have to roll my window down, much less show an ID."
Carb HistoryBread Oprah GIFGiphy
"Ciabatta bread goes all the way back to the early 1980s. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ciabatta#Italy"
"Haha I heard of that too, awhile back. I went googling it again and apparently baguettes are from early ~1900s. Crazy, I would've thought they'd be historical."
Oh that is good bread.
"Boxer briefs are fairly new to the scene, becoming popular in the 1990s."
"I'm happy they did. My favorite underwear."
"Tomatoes are actually a new world crop. So when you associate Italy with pasta sauce, you're actually thinking of Italy, post Columbian Exchange (mid 1500s). And actually, tomato sauce wasn't even integrated into Italian cuisine until the late 19th century, so go figure."
"What hit me the other day: Germany. It was only reunified 30 years ago."
"Same with Italy. Not that it was reunified 30 years ago, but it hasn’t been a country as long as America has."
"I was actually just thinking about this last night because Google Rewards gave me a survey asking about my feelings towards Trabant as a brand: https://i.imgur.com/3lUyozZ.jpgI really don't know why it wanted to know my opinion on a brand that went defunct when the Berlin wall fell lol."
"The theory of plate tectonics. It pretty much makes up the entire backbone of modern geology, yet it wasn't actually accepted until the 1960s. Alfred Wegener proposed his theory of continental drift in 1915 but couldn't explain the mechanism behind it so his theory was dismissed."
mechanism behind it so his theory was dismissed."
"Over the next few decades, the evidence of crustal movement became undeniable and plate tectonics developed as a theory. It's just crazy to me that geologists were pretty much completely clueless until around 60 years ago."
Inhabitants...Read New Zealand GIF by Rugby World CupGiphy
"New Zealand! Its indigenous population only arrived there about 800 years ago, despite Australia just across the Tasman having been inhabited for 75,000 plus years."
History short and long is fascinating.