Irreverent People Share The Worst Things To Say During A Driving Test
I took my driving test in a 2002 Ford Excursion. You know what instructors dislike more than short 16-year-olds in oversized SUVs? Backup sensors to help you parallel park. And bumping curbs. But they usually have a good sense of humor. So, aspiring motorists, take notes.
TheAlmightyKrot asked, What's the worst thing to say to your instructor during a driving test?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Isn't America great?
I can't believe they're letting me take this again after what happened last time.
What do you mean I have to "change gears?"
Or like: why are there three pedals when I have two legs!
This is how you put the 'stud' in student.
I asked mine
"So has anybody ever decided to get in a high-speed pursuit with the practice car?"
Just aim the car.
Instructor: "Remember to practice good defensive driving"
You: "Well, the best defense is a good offense"
*Proceeds to hit everything and everyone in their path
Lasik is rough.
"You're going to have to be my eyes. Still recovering from the surgery."
I CAN'T DRIVE IF YOU'RE WATCHING.
Just start screaming.
Shouldn't have hit that curb...
Occasionally stop and ask "do you hear that?" Then resume before they can answer.
My skills are super clutch.
Bet you didn't know I could also drive...rubs shifter sensually..stick
I had a beer because I'm self-conscious about my driving.
Whoa! That beer is really hitting me!
Well, it IS 2018.
Wow they really let chicks give the test?
Where we're going we don't need roads.
Does a '97 Cavalier even reach 88 mph?
When this baby hits 88 mph, you're gonna see some serious action.
I call it: "gocaine."
Do you want one of these pills too?
Ya know, just in case.
"What's your blood type?"
I said, nautical, not road.
How many nautical miles to the gallon does this thing get?
Random satanic mumbling as you accelerate faster and faster...
We're going down. Town.
Yeah we're not going back to the driving school.
But first... lemme take a selfie.
*Pulls out phone* Selfie at the stop sign!
I'm gonna hit 4 stars in no time.
In Grand Theft Auto, my car couldn't last more than 5 minutes
The internet is an endless wealth of information. And that's both a great thing and a really stressful thing.
The moment you begin searching for information, the rabbit holes begin opening up. Rabbit holes are usually innocent, one moment you're researching how wine is made and the next you're watching old episodes of I Love Lucy to see it in action. But sometimes those rabbit holes take you somewhere you literally never intended to be.
Welp, This Product Works I Guess<p>I bought my brother a taser from Amazon for his birthday one time.</p><p>Looking at some of the questions there was one asking if it hurt, the answer went something like "It does not I've tased myself in the neck 30 times."</p><p>Very very interested in this I go to his amazon profile where you can see what else he has reviewed and he reviewed a katana and stuff like that of similar nature.</p><p>Still interested so I type his name into Facebook and find a profile with a picture of him holding his katana. The first thing I notice is that HE'S FROM MY CITY.</p>
Not The Drugs<p>A straightforward guy wrote down his experiences with heroin. Basically he wanted to try it for fun and he was sure that he had enough willpower to stop after that. </p><p>Well he was wrong. Probably someone can remember the name of the guy or the Reddit post, it's fairly well known I believe</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/wuxy95/" target="_blank">wuxy95</a></p>
Oh Not This<p>Researching attachment therapy, as used on kids diagnosed with attachment disorders (aka holding time, compression therapy, coercive restraint therapy, rebirthing). I don't feel like typing out the details but a quote from wiki and link is below. It's messed up and has resulted in several child deaths and lots of long lasting trauma.</p><p>I have no idea why I kept reading and watching videos, etc., but I spent an entire night researching it. It was horrifying. Maybe I felt like I owed it to the victims to read their stories. I don't remember.</p><p>"A central feature of many of these therapies is the use of psychological, physical, or aggressive means to provoke the child to catharsis, ventilation of rage, or other sorts of acute emotional discharge. To do this, a variety of coercive techniques are used, including scheduled holding, binding, rib cage stimulation (e.g., tickling, pinching, knuckling), and/or licking." </p><p>"Children may be held down, may have several adults lie on top of them, or their faces may be held so they can be forced to engage in prolonged eye contact. Sessions may last from 3 to 5 hours, with some sessions reportedly lasting longer."</p><p><a href="https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_therapy" target="_blank">https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_therapy</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/tuv0k/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">tuv0k</a></p>
To See What Nobody Has Ever Seen<p>Cave diving accidents. They're always tragic and sad and insanely common in the community due to the dangers of cave diving. </p><p>But they have been to some of the most untouched areas of Earth and I kind of get the need to keep exploring even if it's dangerous.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/effietea/" target="_blank">effietea</a></p>
Basically True Crime Docs<p>I have fallen down 2, both lasted about a week.</p><p>First was John/Jane Does who have never been claimed or identified.</p><p>Second was people who have disappeared without a trace. I feel this one tugged more on my emotional strings, especially stories involving kids. One that has stuck with me is a little boy who disappeared on a Scout hike, Jared Negrete. That is one of my greatest fears when I take kids hiking.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Smart-Connection6154/" target="_blank">Smart-Connection6154</a></p>
TW: School Shootings<p>I did a bit of research about school shootings around the world, from Columbine to the most recent one in Mexico at the time. It was terrifying to read the survivor's testimonies, I just imagined what would I do if that happened in my school, and ended up crying thinking about my little brothers' fate in those circumstances. </p><p>Also, the statistical analysis and studies about the topic are unnerving, since they seem to be more frequent globally every year.</p><p>And I hated getting to know about those groups that praise shooters. I would prefer if I didn't know those exist, it's frustrating</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/JChavez29/" target="_blank">JChavez29</a></p>
The Dangers Of Tall Mountains<p>Deaths on Mt. Everest and how a lot of the bodies are still up there. This was a wiki rabbit hole I fell into after listening to the Casefile episode on David Sharp. </p><p>Read not only about him but also green boots, this couple that got separated, etc. Due to the extremely cold temperatures, the bodies aren't that decomposed so they still look recent even though it's been years or decades. It's creepy and sad. Some bodies have been there so long they are used as markers for climbers. </p><p>What is also sad is that there have been efforts to remove them, but doing so is extremely dangerous because of the altitude, temperatures, and uneven ground. People have died attempting it in the past. Not sure if they've managed to succeed since I last read about it in 2018.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/NerdyGirlChicago/" target="_blank">NerdyGirlChicago</a></p>
Why Make Up An Even Worse Timeline?!<p>A sci fi timeline pdf I found awhile back, I think it was on the world building sub. It was a timeline of humanity that started it off relatively normal detailing human evolution as they colonized mars and the stars beyond. It descended into body horror when they came in to contact with a advanced race that for some reason I forget gene modded the majority of humans into non sentient species and seeded them across the galaxy. </p><p>It then went into great detail with each of these species separately and their climb back to sentience. It ended with one of the new humans that evolved back to sentience standing beside a original human skull. I haven't been able to find it since but sh*t got dark.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Deepfriedsalad/" target="_blank">Deepfriedsalad</a></p>
Her<p>There's this guy on Facebook I wish I could remember his name but he married his sex doll and has photos together of them everywhere at first I thought it was a troll account but the more I looked the creepier it got. </p><p>The dates on the photos dated back years and he showed off his dolls wardrobe and all the Possessions he had of hers and then... there were multiple "friend" accounts of different sex dolls on his page that's completely public but genuinely the weirdest part to me was that he lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere like imagine if someone accidentally ended up there.. </p><p>Edit : I spent an hour last night looking for it and surprisingly it's apparently more common than I thought wtf is wrong with people anyways I'll look some more today because it was a viral share</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/KateTheBestMate/" target="_blank">KateTheBestMate</a></p>
Years ago a young woman told me about her grandmother, who had survived a home invasion in South Africa. It was a very unsettling story. Her grandmother was never the same afterward and became consumed by paranoia. There is something so horrible about having your home violated like that, of feeling like you'll never be safe again, even in a space that's supposed to be your sanctuary from the outside world. The young woman confessed that the thought of going through something similar continues to scare the hell out of her and honestly, I can't blame her. It's a frightening thought.
After Redditor Kingofthelosers asked the online community, "What are you terribly afraid of?" people shared their stories.
"Being randomly killed..."<p>Being randomly killed or abducted and tortured.</p><p>Basically, I'm most afraid of people, because while most people are inherently good, there are a few who aren't - and all it takes is being in the wrong place at the wrong time.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lt7b0z/serious_what_are_you_terribly_afraid_of/govy1w4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">immortalpinecones</a></p>
"People look at me..."<p>Losing my mind. People look at me like I'm crazy, but I'm legitimately afraid of losing myself and becoming crazy.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lt7b0z/serious_what_are_you_terribly_afraid_of/gowikv8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Taylor12142</a></p>
"I've never been in such an accident..."<p>Driving off-road into a body of water and being stuck in the car as the water level inside rises. I've never been in such an accident, I've never known anyone who has been in such an accident, but somehow this fear has been with me for a very long time. And this has only gotten worse since having kids because now I picture them strapped into their car seats behind me as the water level rises.</p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lt7b0z/serious_what_are_you_terribly_afraid_of/govxej1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">angeliqu</a></p>
Terrifying. Utterly terrifying.<p>Anytime I see this in a film, it unsettles me.</p><p>Then I see movies like <em>I Care a Lot</em>, which somehow managed to take something very scary and make it ridiculous.</p>
"There's no way..."<p>Being falsely accused of a crime. The power of the State against little broke me. There's no way I don't lose in this situation.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lt7b0z/serious_what_are_you_terribly_afraid_of/gowskxf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DuvalHeart</a></p>
"Rather than risk failing..."<p><span>Failure. My fear of failure can be crippling. Rather than risk failing, I all out avoid situations where I might fail. I hate it but self-doubt really kills my ability to accomplish anything in life.</span></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lt7b0z/serious_what_are_you_terribly_afraid_of/govtosz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">SavingsBall_6548</a></p>
This is all too relatable.<p>I remember feeling this way when I was younger. It was paralyzing. Thankfully, time and age has been kind to me. I'm so different now. Hopefully things improve for this person.</p>
"If I ever go back..."<p>Dying in a plane crash. I can picture it so perfectly - the way the air would be pulled out of your lungs as you scream, the feeling of weightlessness warring with extreme gravity depending on the way you're falling, and the certain knowledge that you are about to die horribly.</p><p>I moved to Europe and haven't visited anyone in the states in about 5 years. If I ever go back, I'm looking into finding some sort of passenger ship if it exists.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lt7b0z/serious_what_are_you_terribly_afraid_of/gox497c?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Lulu_42</a></p>
"I don't know why."<p>Fire drills. I don't know why. I have always had an irrational fear of them. Once the alarm goes off, it's fine, but it's like the anticipation that freaks me out. School was genuinely hard because of it and I know I can never be a teacher. That's okay though because I never wanted to be one.</p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lt7b0z/serious_what_are_you_terribly_afraid_of/gow0io4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">whowhatwherewhenwhy6</a></p>
Fire drills––any drills, really––have a way of amplifying your nerves.<p>Growing up in the Columbine and post-Columbine world, fire drills and shooting drills were a way of life. And yes, they sucked.</p>
"I've had sleep paralysis..."<p>Losing control of my body. I've had sleep paralysis and I've been physically restrained/drugged in a dangerous situation, that kind of helplessness is just the most awful feeling in the world. My worst nightmare would be living in that state permanently.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lt7b0z/serious_what_are_you_terribly_afraid_of/gowwc5i?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">bijou_x</a></p>
"I just can't do it."<p>Sleep facing a mirror. I just can't do it. I will cover the mirror with a blanket if it is facing the bed. It just freaks me out.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lt7b0z/serious_what_are_you_terribly_afraid_of/gowzaqu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Nails_jello_2_a_tree</a></p>
"But imagine..."<p>Most people would want to die in their sleep when they're super old. But imagine being 95 or so, and night after night having to go to sleep and not knowing if you'll wake up the next morning.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lt7b0z/serious_what_are_you_terribly_afraid_of/goxb7he?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mrderpfrog</a></p>
How do we face our fears?<p>That's not an easy question to answer. Thankfully, time and experience can teach you a lot about yourself and what you can handle. It's a big world and there's so much we still don't know about it. The least we can do is take care of ourselves and try to live in it.</p><p>Have some of your stories to share? Feel free to write about them in the comments below.</p>
There are few things more satisfying than a crisp $20 bill. Well, maybe a crisp $100 bill.
But twenty big ones can get you pretty far nonetheless.
Whether it's tucked firmly in a birthday card, passing from hand to hand after a knee-jerk sports bet, or going toward a useful tool, the old twenty dollar bill has been used for countless purposes.
Breaking Even<p>"I got a jacket and a pair of jeans at goodwill for about $20. My first time wearing the jacket I found a tiny zipper inside a pocket."</p><p>"There was a secret inner pocket with a twenty in it."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdv70q?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TheBrontosaurus</a></p>
Keeps On Giving<p>"23 Years ago I was in the US for some work and was not prepared for the cold of Chicago. Went to wal-mart and bought myself a cheap, warm jacket."</p><p>"I'm wearing that jacket right now - still looks fine, still keeps me warm."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe41xv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TastyEnd</a></p>
As Good As They Come<p>"Wool pinstripe double breasted suit from Goodwill, fit perfectly and was brand new. Ended up wearing it to get married the next year." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdw6mx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">verminiusrex</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"God I love Goodwill!!" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe5aee?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Neverthelilacqueen</a></p>
The Socks She Needed<p>"I work at a thrift shop. A homeless lady came in and asked us where the socks were. We only sell new socks, so I directed her towards the new socks and she was... shocked and disappointed by the price tag, surely."<br></p><p>"I gave her a moment as she looked, and she moved to some kids' socks and picked them up, and I... just couldn't let that happen. I told her that I would help her, and told her to get herself some socks and a jacket."</p><p>"She kind of just... held out the children's socks, so I took them, put them back, and grabbed the extra fluffy socks that were hanging."</p><p>"She grabs a jacket and some pants, and I pay for it. My coworker looks the other way since we're not supposed to purchase anything while on the clock. The lady is in tears as she walks out."</p><p>"I notice that she's still outside a minute later putting them on, and ask her if they fit her or if she needed something else; and she told me they were perfect and proceeded to cry. I cried in return."</p><p>"It was a good day."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpen3w1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Snowodin</a></p>
Not Forgotten<p>"A guy came into my work when I managed a mom and pop Pizza Place. He said he was stranded with no phone, and no money, but that the people at the Verizon store next door to us said they could get him a cheap phone with some minutes on it for 20 bucks."</p><p>"He offered to do dishes for a few hours to make some money so he could get this phone. I told him not to worry about it and gave him a 20 from my wallet. He thanked me, asked me for my name, and then he left and I never saw him again."</p><p>"Skip forward about 5 months, and when I get into work the owner was there and said she had gotten a letter addressed to me. 'Weird,' I thought."</p><p>"But when I opened it there was a 50 dollar bill and a short note from the guy I gave 20 dollars to thanking me for my kindness and for not turning him away."</p><p>"Turns out he was in a bad way (addicted to hard drugs and homeless) and really was stranded there. He was trying to get a phone so he could contact his parents (who lived in another state) for help."</p><p>"From what it sounded like, he seemed to really turn his life around. He was clean and working a stable job while still living with his parents."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpem2xc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Mixmaster-McGuire</a></p>
The Best Finale<p>"It was the day before payday. My wife came to see me at work. My break was in an hour, so I asked for her to wait a bit, so we could enjoy it together. She did."</p><p>"I bought her some lunch, because it was what I could afford. I bought her a ham and cheese sub sandwich and two iced teas. These were her favorite. I bought gas with the rest of the twenty so she could get home. She dropped me back off at work."</p><p>"That night, she passed away. It brings me comfort to know that I bought her favorite sandwich and drink for her that afternoon. It was likely the last thing she ate, since it was near dinner. I'll never forget it. Best $20 I ever spent, because it was for her."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe9c6d?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">LollipopDreamscape</a></p>
Leaning Into the Nerdery<p>"It was my ninth or tenth birthday. My grandparents gave me $20. The first $20 bill I ever held in my hand! I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it."</p><p>"A week later, we went into the city and Toys R Us. I went straight to the Transformers aisle. And there he was. My favourite Transformer. The one I always wanted...Soundwave."</p><p>"He's the one who turned into a Walkman and he could eject cassettes that turned into robot animals. The price tag said $19.99. It was meant to be."</p><p>"I took Soundwave to the clerk and gave her my $20 bill. "And here's your change!" she said, as she gave me a single penny."</p><p>"Ah, Soundwave. The best friend a lonely little nerd could have."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdzzxe?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">originalchaosinabox</a></p>
Different Time<p>"I went to a Rush concert in 1982. The ticket was $9.50 and the t-shirt was $10." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdyr0k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PaulsRedditUsername</a></p>
Motivational Spending<p>"My then six year old niece had a loose tooth she loved to show off and had resisted pulling out for two weeks. We were all at my parents and I was getting ready to leave, I pulled out a $20 and said 'I'll give you this right now if you pull out your tooth.' "</p><p>"She was already crying because her little sister had did something so when she ran into the bathroom none of us had no idea in what she was about to do."</p><p>"So she comes out crying still, but a little bit of blood I'm her mouth because of course, she pulled out her tooth. But the now removed tooth fell down the drain to the sink and she was crying because she lost her proof!"</p><p>"After she calmed down she was happy as a clam with a brand new $20 and everyone was quite proud of her. My sister told me she spent it on candy and shared with her little sister."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdxi4k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">themasimumdorkus</a></p>
For the Story<p>"It was actually to a scammer in Rome. There was this guy right outside of Colosseum who started tying strings around my wrist and told me to make a wish. I knew it was going to cost but I thought what the hell, last day in Rome so might as well go with it. </p><p>"My wish was to find love."</p><p>"I spent rest of the day getting lost in the city and stumbled across two weddings and one baptism ceremony. So I did find love, just not for myself."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe7b2w?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">FatalFinn</a></p>
I realize that school safety has been severely compromised and has been under dire scrutiny over the past decade and of course, it should be. And when I was a student, my safety was one of my greatest priorities but, some implemented rules under the guise of "safety" were and are... just plain ludicrous. Like who thinks up some of these ideas?Redditor u/Animeking1108 wanted to discuss how the education system has ideas that sometimes are just more a pain in the butt than a daily enhancement... What was the dumbest rule your school enforced?