Incels Who Have Since Had Sex Confess How They Feel About Their Former Behavior
"Involuntary Celibate," or the sliver of human society--composed almost entirely of men--that delights in blaming the inability to find romance or intimacy on other people.
It is a community defined by anger and outsourced hatred toward women. The supportive negativity is seductive and difficult to separate from.
Some do manage to leave the niche forum behind. By sheer will, natural maturity over time's passing, or new experiences that illustrate personal worth, these men come out on the other side with healthy relationships and a positive approach to other human beings.
Reddit, one of the very internet spaces where the Incel Community established its footing and pedals its ideals, has some other more positive corners.
One thread was stoked with self described former Incels. These Redditors are beaming with gratitude for growing out of that way of life. They shared their hindsight views about their former selves.
DannyMThompson asked, "People who had considered themselves "incels" (involuntary celibates) but have since had sex, how do you feel looking back at your previous self?"
A Fedora Fugue State
"Oh god, high school me wore fedoras and believed my 'superior intellect and science-based social theories' were too much for everyone and that I was really a James Bond type with my knowledge of various fields."
"Turns out I was gay as f*ck but so deep in the closet my zip code was in Narnia, not really that smart in anything but too ADHD to focus past basic knowledge of anything and in a desperate need of a new wardrobe."
Innocent Beginnings
"I remember when I first found the incel community, it was actually a pretty helpful place. It was more of a support group for people who were unattractive, socially awkward, etc."
"Then the toxic masculinity started to creep in and took right over, as everyone knows."
"New job with great people, I started to do different things. Played hockey for the first time at thirty. Joined the group for a couple of travelling tournaments where we got absolutely Vegas type plastered for weekends in different cities."
"Job is very much a hang out and chat type job (security), so talking with the women on the team on the regular starts removing the air of mystique I had built around them."
"All and all, I ultimately blame a World of Warcraft addiction that held me back in my early twenties to my late twenties and just missed out on those socially formative years."
Revenge is Tempting
"I hated everyone because all of my experiences with people where being bullied, I started being bullied at 4 and it didn't stop until the middle of high school."
"The forums where full of people thinking the same, it made me feel secure, like I was right. I didn't have to walk the hard way to improve myself, they told me I could just let go. Nobody will ever love you so why try?"
"So I stopped showering, stopped eating, stopped caring for myself."
"At the time I didn't see that would I have just showered girls wouldn't have been disgusted by me. I hated immigrants, gay people, women, handsome guys. Everyone I saw as more accomplished then me."
"It was a hard time getting out of this mindset, but eventually I made it. Turned my grades around, made some friends and went to therapy."
"When I see incels or people like that I just can't hate them, they are in pain and struggling and need help. Depression is one hell of beast and some people lash out in anger."
"So when I look back at my old self, I really just want to give him a hug and tell him everything is going to be ok."
You're Not Ready Until You're Ready
"When I finally did get out there and start having relationships it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I realized that I had previously felt like an incomplete person because of my inability to connect with anyone, and that was holding me back from other things in life."
"Like I thought nothing else was worth pursuing because I hadn't properly entered adulthood yet. I kinda wish I'd just got on with it and pursued my other interests a bit more."
"I don't know why I had to wait. Maybe it was depression relating to me being lonely."
-- Digibollocks
What are Friends For?
"I was a being of pure hatred. I always thought it was someone else's fault. Even though I have had sex since that time, I think it's important to know that having sex isn't what vindicates you."
"Inceldom is a state of mind which requires strength and sometimes outside guidance to overcome."
"One of my friends essentially gave me a proverbial slap to the face on the subject and told me exactly what to do and how to become a more better person."
"In conclusion, I look back with regret and sorrow, for all the people I hurt and made uncomfortable, because I know there are many."
-- Saintsman12
A Transactional Mindset
"I never really considered myself an Incel at the time (mostly because I'd never heard the phrase) but I was very incel-ly in high school, I was the type of person who would hold a door open and then wonder why girls weren't falling into my lap."
"Turns out high school me wasn't that attractive and 'nice' isn't a personality. I fell very much into the Chad n' Stacey's frame of mind for a while."
"A lot of things changed really, but mostly I just grew up. It's a super childish view of things and just doesn't take into account that the people around you are...well people."
"If someone held a door open for you, you wouldn't throw yourself at them. It's about the maturity in relationships."
-- britbakura
An Incel of Yesteryear
"I am SOOOO glad I had my teenage years in the late eighties & early nineties before the internet, let alone social media."
"Ultimately I had to sort myself out. But if I had had access to the sort of Incel stuff online around today, I fear I would have lapped it up with a spoon."
"A very large group of like minded people telling me it isn't my fault?!?! I can stop moping and start hating? Fantastic! I'm in! I would have been able to celebrate my status instead of reflecting on it and changing it. I'm sure I'd have been more than tempted."
A Pedestal is not a Human
"I despise that guy. He's an embarrassment to me."
"Somehow, it never occurred to me until I had sex that women are literally just normal people like you or I. They laugh, they swear, they fart, they sh*t, they even (gasp) enjoy sex!"
Kindness With No Agenda
"The first, and most important, concept that I learned was that women aren't sex dispensaries that you deposit 'nice coins' into and get sex in return."
"They have to choose you. I still kept doing nice things for girls because that's the way I was raised, but I removed my expectations for getting anything in return."
To Get Out of Your Own Way
"I looked back and realized how many times girls showed an interest in me and I didn't notice or I self sabotaged without realizing what I was doing."
"I eventually learned to get out of my own way but I'm still working on not pushing away people because I'm scared if I don't reject them they will reject me, kind of thing..."
A Literal Jolt to the System
"I was depressed, underweight, socially isolated... I never got fat or super into gaming as is stereotypical, just worked a lot, hung out with my dog, smoked way too much weed, and just sort of forgot how to interact with women. "
"One big event was buying and learning to ride a motorcycle at 27- sort of shocked me out of my routine, opened my eyes to the fact that life was not a downhill slide from the adrenaline filled days of 18-22, that new experiences were waiting to be had."
"Eventually I met a woman that I just couldn't bear to have the usual "flirt until I awkwardly distance myself" experience with.
"I forced myself to not to my mind wander when we talked, I powered through all anxiety to call and text her daily, I even eventually would do crazy stuff like get dressed up nice and go to dinner with her -not something I could have ever seen myself doing at one point."
"So I'm married now, still have some issues, but very happy."
-- PoopSmith87
The Enlightenment
"It's a bit like empirical science. A lot of useless speculations disappear like morning mist in the sun, when you apply 'try and fail again and again until you have some degree of success.' "
"It takes practice to be a human being, and some people postpone their practicing indefinitely. A big problem is that some people believe what THEY think other people think of them, i.e. they live in a prison built and maintained by themselves."
-- fifticon
Downward Spiral
"It's kind of a self fulfilling prophecy. You expect that you deserve a girlfriend (probably don't at that point because everyone starts out bumbling and inept, the girls too), then get rejected and are surprised and angry and hurt."
"So then you expect to get rejected and give off an angry, rejected vibe which kind of scares females (and maybe rightly so). That vibe keeps women away and you take it as further proof of your predicament."
-- youmeyoumeus
Was Always Training for a Global Crisis
"Came to realize my faults and am working on them. That said, it is hard. People take for granted the mental wellness they get from being in a relationship. Nobody is entitled to a relationship of course but the human mind and body still needs it."
"I find it funny that a lot of normies are going crazy in quarantine when that was my life pretty much for the past 5 years."
-- ikhezu
A Sleeping Giant
"I was that one that you often see that thinks he's so ugly and short that he can't get a girl. Turns out I was gay and my jealousy of "Chads" (didn't know any of the lingo but still) was attraction to them."
"Once I acknowledged that and came out I've been able to have plenty of sex. I'm still not a 10 but I do well enough for myself. I've also done stuff to improve my confidence level like dress better, grow a beard, style my hair. I used to work out a ton too before corona closed my gym. I wasn't happy and did the mental legwork to change it."
-- cardswon
Seeing Through the Institution
"I had been pretty heavily indoctrinated religiously and i just felt women were inferior in every way. Luckily this was when i was younger and I honestly grew out of Christianity before i grew out of hating women."
"Whenever i finally got over it i realized my hatred was all from jealousy and i came out as trans. I had been driven so deep into the closet for such a long time and it really sucked."
A Helpful Axiom
" 'If you met an arsehole today you met an arsehole. If everyone you met today was an arsehole then everyone you met today met an arsehole.' "
"Made me realise I was/ had the problem."
People Break Down The Most Ridiculous Majors They've Ever Heard Of
Reddit user GazelleHistorical705 asked: 'What is the most ridiculous college major you’ve ever heard of?'
Many high school graduates face the conundrum of what to major in when they go on to pursue higher education.
Teens who haven't already sparked an interest in a particular field by the time they graduate wind up buying more time waiting for enlightenment by electing "undecided."
But to avoid any stigma of being an idle scholar, some students settle on majors they thought never existed.
"Fun with pasta," anyone?
While such a major might not exist, I wouldn't put it past some academia for coming up with it.
Curious to hear what those unheard-of specialized fields of study are out there, Redditor GazelleHistorical705 asked:
"What is the most ridiculous college major you’ve ever heard of?"
Majors with one word, please.
Sounds Like A Hard Major
"PENIS. My school offered a major in Political Economy of Newly Industrialized Societies, but eventually realized the acronym and changed the name. Pity. I hope some were able to get their degrees with a concentration in PENIS."
– OhMaiMai
Hidden Objective
"Golf."
"It was made so the Vice Chancellor could buy a private golf course for the university, so he could play on it. I believe it had 5 enrollments ever, and one was a joke that didnt show up or pay. It got cancelled the first year, but he got to enjoy his own personal golf course for some years after."
– jadelink88
Just Throwing Ideas
"Frisbee. A friends roommate at Amherst was in some kind of 'create your own major' thing and chose frisbee. His family had momey and college was just a formality."
– hightower65
Certain concepts as a major were hard to grasp.
Seed Of Despotism
"IIRC, like 20 years ago some college in Indiana offered a major in World Domination."
– Rev_Christopheles
"You can only get a job as a henchman with a BS."
"You need a full PhD to be an evil mastermind."
– JimBean823
A Vague Focus
"PhD in general studies."
– dravik
"Tf do you even write your dissertation about."
– Fragile_Line
"Everything."
– ProsciuttoPizza
"Generally."
– cropguru357
Let's Take It Outside
"An old friend has a Bachelor's degree in Outdoor Activities. He was never able to explain exactly what that meant, though."
– EnlargedBit371
"A guy I know majored in Recreation."
– kmsc87
"When I was there, my college had one of the top Parks Recreation and Tourism Management (PRTM) programs in the country."
"It had the nickname 'Party Right Through May.'”
"It was extremely popular with student athletes, especially football players."
"There’s always a demand for graduates too. It seems like one of those fields where you shouldn’t need a college degree to do the work, but you need one to get in the door."
– JimBeam823
Going At Your Own Pace
"When I was in uni my friend dated a guy who was majoring in leisure studies. I used to joke that leisure studies is a 4 year program, but if you’re good enough at it you can do it in 6."
– Mtldoggogogo
Things went up a notch.
Arghhh Ya Kiddin' Me?
"At MIT you can be certified in being a pirate if you complete the courses of pistol, archery, sailing, and fencing."
– yhdreytaweatrst
"It’s not a major, it’s a certificate. But if I ever get my own office it’s going in a very nice diploma frame and I’m gonna see who notices."
– PoorCorrelation
Veritable Hodgepodge
"My university had an Interdisciplinary Studies department that served mainly to get super duper seniors graduated. They would cobble together the random credits people got because they changed majors every semester into a 'degree.' You get some wild majors like a BA in Culinary Traditions and Music in the Former British Empire."
– pinelands1901
Sapphic Education
"My college briefly had a major in Nordic Lesbianism."
– WhizzleTeabags
"I've read many of the responses on here where most of them weren't ridiculous imo but you gave the best one!"
– 90DayTroll
"HUH."
– OP
Make It Up
"At a graduation at the University of Redlands. They have a degree whereby you basically take the classes you want and call it what you want."
"The degree conferred was, I kid you not: 'Still trying to figure out who I am.'”
– dmur726
Clearly there's a major for all occasions.
But at the end of the day, does it really matter as long as you have a BA in something to show you were academically tenacious?
Now go out there and carve out your own path, young scholars!
Just make sure you can pay off those student loans.
Maybe there should be a major on how to avoid debt.
Possessed Photography on Unsplash
Artificial intelligence (AI) is defined as:
"the theory and development of computer systems able to perform tasks that normally require human intelligence, such as visual perception, speech recognition, decision-making and translation between languages."
AI is broken down into four types—from most basic to most advanced:
- Reactive machines
- Limited memory
- Theory of mind
- Self-awareness
The first two—reactive machines and limited memory—currently exist.
Reactive machines AI have no memory—it responds directly to current information. An example is a recommendation based on your streaming activity.
Limited memory looks into the past and monitors specific objects or situations over time, and adds the information to adapt responses. Self-driving cars are a good example of limited memory AI.
The other types—theory of mind and self-awareness—don't exist yet.
Theory of mind AI would be able to understand intentions and predict behavior while adjusting its own responses, simulating human interpersonal relationships.
The final step in AI is self-awareness. These would be systems that have a sense of self, a conscious understanding of their existence.
As AI advances, some human work functions will be done cheaper or more efficiently by AI.
Reddit user othersimon asked:
"Those who actually had their jobs replaced by AI, what was the job? What replaced it? What do you do now?"
Not Me!
Redditors definitely had feelings about businesses implementing AI.
"To everyone who argues that AI isn't capable of doing their job yet I say, so what? All that matters is your boss thinks it can do the job."
"Laughing at their failure is small solace when you're unemployed."
~ obscureferences
"I mean how many people were fired because they had been working for 10 or 20 years and earned high pay, to be replaced by some minimum wage worker who completely botched the job and took twice as long?"
"Lots."
~ Black_Moons
WUT U MEEN IZ RONG SPELD?
"My entire editing team was replaced by a robot that was supposed to write and edit text like a human can."
"They didn't test the robot first—it was terrible, and their entire project failed."
"No tears were shed."
~ IllustriousNight4
"My wife was a copywriter/wrote blogs for internet optimization online primarily for legal and medical fields."
"AI took over and her company either fired everyone or severely reduced the amount of pay that was offered per job—wife is still unemployed."
"But we heard just last week that it sounds like the company is now going under."
~ The_SchnitzelMan
"AI-written articles are obvious from a mile away and they’re terrible."
"I think Google should penalize search rankings for AI generated content as it’s often not valuable to the reader who is looking for useful information."
"And these articles bastardize Google’s own value in a sense as the info showing up in search results is materially less valuable than genuine content."
~ mokikithesloppy
1, 2, 3...
"Worked at Amazon for a few years. Did inventory basically all night."
"Then they installed cameras, scanners, AI, etc..."
"Still need a human, but yup, a lot of us were no longer needed."
"SBC (simple bin count, just count everything in the bin, easy) is redundant."
~ somecow
Unexpected Development
"I was on a very small software development team at a relatively large company."
"We were often tasked with not only working on our project, but utilizing new cutting-edge technologies to test whether they would be viable before rolling them out to the rest of the dev teams."
"We were asked to start leveraging AI to help us with our development and we gave it pretty high praise."
"Apparently we talked it up too much though and they decided to see if they could simply bypass needing software developers and have the business analysts generate code from their requirements and then send that code straight to QA."
"They didn't really test if that would work before laying off our entire dev team, and a couple of months later they laid off the remaining members of the team because it wasn't working out."
"It was just one of many bad decisions they made around that time and they're currently struggling and losing market share because of it."
"I'm still working as a software engineer and use AI as a useful tool, but I'm sure to always let my supervisors and managers know what its pitfalls are and how its just supplementing my work, and not completely doing my job for me."
~ karma_aversion
"Software dev here, new exec came in and replaced me (only dev) with 'no-code' software."
"From what I hear from my friends still there, they shot themselves in the foot."
~ tanMud
"In order to get AI to work well for you, you’d have to spell out your specs in great detail and spoon feed it. Of course, in order to do that one would need to know exactly what they want first."
"Unless they have a helluva business analysis team, that is a fantasy."
"Oh, and how are they going to update the AI generated code down the line? There is a guy on my team who is sharp as a tack but his code is actual mental gymnastics. I make him spell it out to me because it simply makes no sense."
"Turns out he was writing code that was assisted by ChatGPT. AI writes code that computers can read, devs need to write code that other devs can maintain/expand."
"AI can create stuff from scratch, sure, but I don’t think it’s prepared as of yet to digest complex code, interpret it, and then add to it with more complexity. They could try to run everything we do with AI but will hit some dense walls quickly."
~ skyphoenyx
No Injuries If There's No People
"Some warehouses have some self driving high reach forklifts."
"Someone said that their warehouse has only 2 human high reach drivers & 9 self driving high reaches."
"Crazy stuff."
~ wistteria_
"Lights off manufacturing is getting closer by the day."
"I work in a facility that’s about 800k sqft. It has 20 employees in it and hundreds of not thousands of robots. We make millions of widgets a week."
"Single use medical devices. All plastic. Huge boom in business during Covid, back down to earth now! But still very profitable."
"All the lights are on sensors because there are areas people don’t go into for weeks at a time. It’s eerily quiet and creepy. If there’s an issue we fly someone in from another location."
"Trucks unload raw material into large totes. Robots collect the totes and deliver to the material storage area. A human inspects quality and quantity."
"Machines mold the widgets, a robot pulls them out, cameras inspect the parts. Data is sent to a central quality facility in Mexico."
"When the lot is approved, robots pick up the totes and delivers to packaging lines where it gets boxed up, weighed, labeled, and taped shut—all by robots."
"Then the completed pallets get delivered back to the warehouse where a truck picks it up and delivers to the customer."
"We have a few engineers (I am one) that maintains, inspects, and reports out on the systems. We have three security guards—one whose job is a ‘buddy’ to escort people to dangerous areas."
"If you had an accident we wouldn’t know about it until your shift ended."
"There’s a plant manager, a pair of quality techs, a couple material handlers. And two maintenance folks."
"That’s the entire operation."
~ bondsman333
Digital Age
"I used to be a projectionist."
"Now a movie is on a hard drive and it's programmed to run remotely."
~ FlintWaterFilter
Facing the Future
"I'm about to lose my job to a layoff, but I will be replaced by 2025."
"Working in semiconductor manufacturing, most of production is fully automated already with plans to automate more. My job is basically to babysit idle machines right now."
"The maintenance crew will always be necessary but as soon as AI can do the rest of my job, I am not necessary at all."
"I can be replaced by code, the company would love to get all the product made without paying people for their time. I know I am expendable to them but it's the best paycheck in the county."
"Sad but it's the truth. Gonna have to try and stick it out while I apply to new jobs."
~ DERtheBEAST
It Is What It Is, But Isn't What It Isn't
"I feel like this is going to happen a lot in the next few years."
"Don't get me wrong, AI is an incredible technology, and depending on the specific implementation, it's capable of great things."
"But the unveiling of ChatGPT and AI art bots started a bubble of sorts, which we're currently still in."
"People seem to be over-conflating and misunderstanding how AI works, what AI is, and what AI is capable of, and for that reason, I think we're going to see a lot of misguided layoffs coming."
~ AbyssalRedemption
Technological advancements have eliminated human labor forever.
This isn’t a new dilemma created in the computer age.
All we can do is pay attention and adapt.
Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
According to the General Social Survey, 20% of married men and 13% of married women reported having sex with someone other than their spouse.
In the United States, 17% of all divorces cited adultery on the part of either or both parties.
But 70% of married women and 54% of married men reported they didn't know of their spouses’ extramarital affair until their spouse confessed.
And how did the other 30%-46% figure it out?
Reddit user Ok-Still2345 asked:
"How did you find out your significant other (SO) was cheating on you?"
Out of the Mouths of Babes
"Hell, my 5-year-old grandson told me!
"He said 'you ain't my favorite pop pop...Rodney is!' I said who the f*ck is Rodney?'."
"The rest is history."
~ Able-Acanthisitta681
STI Was a Big Clue
"My best friend had chlamydia she got from a hook up. And then weirdly enough my fiancé at the time started having symptoms of, coincidentally, chlamydia!"
"This was the 2nd partner she had done this to me with."
"I had just gotten out of the hospital for a spine surgery, so thankfully I didn’t contract it."
"I gave him a ride to the Walk-In clinic (he couldn’t drive) and left him there."
~ brokenbackgirl
Keep It Down Over There
"Neighbor called me asking if we could be a little more quiet with the sex."
"I was in another state."
~ gooberhack
"This is how my neighbor found out her newborn child's father was cheating on her."
"She was working an overnight shift and their other neighbor (I was away) called in a noise complaint for a woman screaming."
"Dude was having sex his ex while he was supposed to be watching his newborn."
~ kaloonzu
Friendly Exes
"Oddly enough my ex-girlfriend (call her A) at the time told me."
"She messaged me asking if me and my girlfriend (call her L) were still together.
"I said yeah."
"A sent me a picture of L grinding on some dude's lap at a party."
~ CystandDiseaseLetter
Making a New Friend
"I caught an ex in my 20s in a similar way. My friend called me and he was like 'hey man are you still with her?'."
"'Yea why?'."
"'I'm going to send you a picture, I'm here right now, sorry man.' It was a picture of her on some dude's lap at a house party making out."
"I drove to the house, parked outside, texted her the picture, then walked inside. Walked up to her, told her we were done, looked at the dude, said 'congrats she's all yours now' to which he responded completely clueless that she had a boyfriend, and yelled at her."
"She left. He and I proceeded to get sh*t faced together at that house party and became really good friends for about 5 years before he moved to the other side of the country."
~ burkechrs1
Her Friends
"Her best friend called me and told me. She was very gentle about it, knew it would hurt a lot."
"Eased me into it, provided evidence, wished me a good evening."
"When that friend and I ended our convo, I called my then girlfriend and informed her about what happened. It felt good to have a counter to every excuse or lie she tried to retort with."
"Going in prepared spared me from just going back to her, probably."
~ danielstover
"My ex girlfriend's best friend did this for me as well."
"It was my birthday and I invited them all to a hotel in socal to celebrate. The friend pulled me away and said my gf had slept with like 5 people during our relationship."
"She saved me possibly years of heartache."
"Funny thing is, she hated me. She only told me cause my ex pissed her off."
~ Pawn_captures_Queen
"My ex's friend all summer kept referring to me as 'Scotty' and I kept asking why and my ex would get mad and 'sshhh' them."
"I finally found out that it was a reference to the song 'Scotty Doesn't Know'."
"Oof. This was in high school."
~ kikistiel
His Friends
"I had an ex whose friends were the reason I found out he was cheating on me after deep cleaning his apartment while he was in the rehab that I helped get him into."
"Real solid dudes. Wish I kept in touch with them over the years.
"They saved me so much grief."
~ tenderourghosts
In the Clouds
"Shared cloud storage photo album had backed up some damning pictures."
~ notyourregularninja
Photo Finish
"Had a picture on his phone of his side piece in our home holding our child."
"My head exploded."
~ Lady013
Gaslighters
"Found a long, maroon-dyed strand of hair in his BEARD."
"I have short blonde hair."
"Funny enough, he had constantly accused me of cheating beforehand."
~ MiniJackalope
"My ex husband was the same way."
"He swore I was cheating but it was him."
~ ddgg17
"My ex too, yeah. She blew up at me several times to accuse me of cheating while she was visiting her sister over Christmas."
"Her roommates informed me that she had a threeway with some random guy and her cousin on that same trip."
"Honestly at that point I was glad for the excuse to dump her."
~ camelCasing
Surprise Gift
"We were living a few hours apart for a few months because of work. I was driving up every weekend to see her."
"She called me and told me that she had to go see her dad or something that weekend. I knew she had been super busy and stressed at work and she loved wild flowers."
"I spent all day Sunday picking wild flowers, bought a vase, and drove up to the house she was renting, intending to drop them off on the porch so she'd see them when she got home that night."
"Her car was there. A sport bike was parked next to it."
"And she has never been quiet in bed when she didn't have to be."
~ JeevesTheRunner
Right Person for the Job
"I received an 'anonymous' email from someone who felt I 'deserved to know' that he was seeing someone else.
"The email included details about the relationship and several screenshots."
"99% sure it was sent by his side chick who wanted a promotion to main chick."
"I gracefully gave her the promotion and he found a replacement for her old position shortly thereafter."
~ apostate456
Ignorance is supposed to be bliss, but there's one thing all of these stories have in common.
Everyone was happier to end a relationship with a cheater than continue being lied to.
Things People Didn't Realize Were Expensive Until They Became An Adult
I was very fortunate that my parents were able to pay all expensive not only through adolescence but even through college. However, they made it very clear that once I graduated, I was on my own.
I made every effort to make sure I could afford to live once I graduated. I made copies of all the recipes my parents got when they bought stuff for me, and started saving my own receipts, something I didn't do through high school. I calculated monthly expenses and created a budget for the future.
When I graduated, I had accounted for all the big expenses: take-out food, the expensive skin care essentials I needed to keep my acne at bay, and utilities (heat, AC, electricity).
What I didn't realize was that small expenses are not so small. Microwavable meals went up by $2. Gas, which was pretty steady while I was in college, seemed to shoot up daily. And things that don't seem expensive at first glance, such as toilet paper, become big expenses as they add up.
I'm not the only one who had these realizations. Redditors have too, and are eager to share what items they didn't realize were expensive until they became an adult.
It all started when Redditor ForeignReviews asked:
"What item did you not realize was expensive until you became an adult?"
Yummy, Yummy
"Food is both more expensive and goes bad quicker when you're an adult."
– BriSnyScienceGuy
"I know right! I honestly love grocery shopping, so when I started driving I would go grocery shopping when I had the car and so nowadays I do maybe half of the grocery shopping. But, it's just so expensive. I often look for deals and will buy generic/store brand on most items but, still."
"My biggest tip for "goes bad quicker" is to always get from the back, because usually that's where the longer lasting stuff goes and when it's stacked, get from the bottom. When it's stuff with longer shelf life like cereal and canned stuff, I don't usually bother. But I mostly do that with bread and dairy products. My mom taught me that when I was little."
– ariana61104
"Yes! Having to feed yourself and your household is getting too expensive and so tedious. I really admire my mom for making dinner every night when I was growing up. Thankfully I don't have kids so me & my husband are okay with just eating snacks sometimes."
– WildMoonWitch
So Sweet
"My parents split up when I was a kid in the 90s, and I remember going to my dads apartment in another city, and him cooking us steak on the grill. I always loved that."
"Once I moved out I was like "wait steak is how much? Why the hell did Dad keep feeding us this?""
"Then I realised he was eating poverty meals all week to treat his kids on the weekend."
"For his 60th birthday us kids pooled our money and took him to arguably the best fine dining restaurant in my province for the full tasting menu. Seeing him light up at trying things like caviar and truffles for the first time made me realize how much he has sacrificed for us."
"So yeah, steak is expensive."
– KFBass
"You guys are awesome; what a nice story. He raised y'all right."
– Augustus58
Where Do I Sit?
"Gotta be furniture."
– harrisrichard
"When I bought my house I only had a bed in the master bedroom and all my friends kept saying “you make good money just buy furniture, you could have it furnished in a month.” Then they themselves bought houses and now understand why it took me a year to furnish my house."
– Stetikhasnotalent
They Don't Need To Be That Nice!
"Rugs. Why did no one tel me a ‘nice’ rug was $18,000."
– BenSadfleck
"But it really ties the room together."
– alittlec4
"Dude, you could fly to Morocco and get a hand made wool rug for that much. What the heck are you buying?"
– mofukkinbreadcrumbz
"My dog isn’t going to want to butt scoot on anything cheaper than 10k."
– iamaliberalpausenot
Car Accessories
"New tires. Most unexciting $1,000 purchases I have ever made."
– PRCraig
"Also why the hell are oil changes so expensive now!?"
– johnstonb
"Bro fr I swear they were just $20 just a second ago now it’s like $60?? I asked my dad to teach me how to do it myself as a teen and he said it was so cheap that I might as well pay someone else. That didn’t last."
– greeneggiwegs
Walk It Off
"A good pair of shoes will set you back a bit, especially if you need more specialized ones for whatever reason."
– sedition-
Part Of The Family
"Pets."
– TeacherLady3
"They have gotten a lot more expensive due to expected care changing dramatically, and how we feel about them."
"The idea that you would put a pet down because a vet treatment costs too much is horrible now, but was pretty common in the past. Outdoor cats were the norm so they pretty much fed themselves and you had far fewer litter changes - litter was just clay, and you tossed the whole thing."
"Dogs ate table scraps and whatever they hunted down, or cheap as dog feed made of whatever ended up on the slaughter house floor (bones and all)."
"While purebreds were probably still super expensive, most people had a mutt or tabby, that the found/were given, instead of buying."
– RandomChance
"All true. But I waited until I was in my 50's and had raised my kids until I could afford a pet. Like kids, I wasn't going to be a pet owner until I could provide the care they deserve."
– TeacherLady3
The Cost Of People
"Kids."
"I'm amazed how my parents could afford me."
– only_stupid_answers
"My parents had 5 of us. It amazes me to this day, that my fathers paultry salary at the time had to support it all. How the f**k could anyone do that today?"
– The_REAL_McWeasel
Vroom, Vroom
"Cars, all grown-ups had them, maybe even multiple. I still think its insane that some cars are more expensive than a 2 bedroom apartment."
– Tommer_nl
"I remember people restoring cars all the time when I was growing up. I would love to do it but even a rough condition rolling rust is super expensive now for even common things people aren’t super after."
– Pup5432
"Yeah what the hell!? I feel like everyone's dad (mine included) had a project car that they were tinkering with."
"All of my 'tinkering' is to keep my single, daily driver running!"
– disisathrowaway
Shiny Teeth And Me
"My teeth."
– Bumfuzzled_Hobgoblin
"Teeth are luxury bones, don’t ya know? Why on earth would regular health insurance cover them? Hahaha. The fact that vision and dental are separate from the rest of your body is absurd."
– Blackfoxx907
I See You!
"Glasses. I have awful eyesight and an astigmatism and got quite a shock when I had to pay for my own prescription glasses for the first time."
– Heavy_Mycologist_104
Time Flies
"Free time."
"As a kid I had loads of it and gave it away. now I can't afford even a minute !!"
– TokenFeed
"I took a toll road home today for an extra hour of free time and it was the best money I ever spent."
– squidkiosk
What I wouldn't give -- or pay -- for some extra free time!