People Imagine What Brutally Honest Brand Slogans Would Look Like

People Imagine What Brutally Honest Brand Slogans Would Look Like
Elisa Ventur/Unsplash

Look, there's a reason brands don't often choose radical honesty as a marketing tactic when it comes to their slogans.

There aren't a lot of companies that could get away with just telling it like it is - but we can!


Reddit user night_howler_grt asked:

"If brands were brutally honest, what brand would have what slogan?"


And welp ... let's just say Reddit probably isn't going to get itself hired as a marketing professional any time soon.

We love the honesty, though!

Some Zingers For Zuck

"Facebook: your privacy is our business."

- Honest-Cicada4897

"Facebook: it's worse than you think."

- luxebooty

"Facebook: we won't let anyone harass you. We don't tolerate it."

"Also Facebook: I see you have reported the same person 30 times due to harassment but we just don't want to do anything about it. Sorry not sorry."

"(True story)"

- peculiarparasite

Giphy

Allergy Relief

"Benadryl: you can't have allergies if you're unconscious"

- emptEclipse

"Last time I took one I slept for like 8 hours straight."

"This was after getting 8 hours straight already and only being awake for about 3 hours before taking one. It was a few days recovering from that!"

- LM71Blackbird

Giphy

Taco Bell

"Taco Bell- same food, different shapes"

- welllhmmmm

" 'What's a tostada?' "

" 'Tortillas, meat, beans, and vegetables' "

" 'What's a chalupa?' "

" 'Tortillas, meat, beans, and vegetables' "

- more_than_a_local

"This is so true. Their whole menu can be boiled down to the same item over and over."

"Yet the only thing people love(nacho fries) they love to take away from us constantly. Who makes these decisions?!"

- Nicofatpad

"Taco Bell: 57 Menu items, Six ingredients!"

- GeneralFactotum

Giphy

Happy To Be Here

"RC Cola: we're just happy to be involved in the taste test"

- jolbina

"RC Cola: it's not much, but it's honest work."

- talk_show_host1982

"RC Cola: We know that's your last 1.25"

- BeejBoyTyson

Giphy

Ads on Ads on Ads

"YouTube: You don't matter to us now watch our double ads!"

- MuffinRacker342

"YouTube: Ad will end in 5 seconds, after which another ad will play."

- AmericanScream

"Double? Lucky, I get 4, all un-skippable."

- areswalker8

Giphy

Motorcycle Madness

"Harley Davidson: from the Great Depression to your Midlife Crisis"

- DvlsAdvct108

"Harley Davidson: we also make motorcycles!"

- shebiz

"Harley Davidson: Sure, you COULD buy an Indian or Ducati, but then you wouldn't be able to properly inflict your midlife crisis on everyone in the surrounding 3 blocks."

- DeltaJimm

Giphy

Just Not Now

"Tupperware: Have you ever wanted to throw away food, but just not now?"

- ItsDeCia

"Tupper-where the f*ck is the lid."

- Investigatorpotater

"Tupperware: remember when you reheated that pasta and red sauce? I'll never forget due to my PINK STAINED INTERIOR!"

- FrottageCheeseDip

Giphy

To-Do

"Nestlé: Where we treat human rights violations like a to do list!"

- Nerdsterhasbigpp

"Nestlé: We rob the poor and sell to the rich!"

- i_broke_my_bike

"Nestlé: water is not for everyone!"

- cyb3rg0d5

"This is why Nestlé is definitely among the very worst companies on this whole comment thread."

"And not enough people know it."

"When you actually truly believe water is a privilege and not a basic human necessity...you've reached a new level of insane."

- BobMossBobMoss

Giphy

Buzzworthy

"BuzzFeed: because you're too lazy to go on Reddit, and we're too lazy to write original content."

- thecookietrain

"I can see one of the writers awkwardly scrolling past this comment while they're putting the rest into a new article"

- Accomplished_Yak_491

"Funny and true. Buzzfeed is how I was exposed to Reddit 😂"

- SorryPans

"Same here! I don't think I've been read a Buzzfeed article since I signed up to Reddit"

- lookforsilverlinings

Giphy

Anger Management

"FedEx : our drivers take out their anger on your items."

- StickyGoodness

"FedEx: No we DID knock on your door. Just very very lightly"

- NextTrillion

"FedEx: F*ck your packages and f*ck you, too."

- CrystalSplice

"FedEx : you bought it, we break it"

- rykef

Giphy

If you're a brand manager or marketing professional reading this ... ya know ... feel free to throw these Redditors some job offers! They might be exactly what you need to revamp your image.

You can't fix it if you don't know it's broken, right?

OK who are we kidding, these brands totally know how people see them and none of these slogans are ever getting anywhere—regardless of how honest they are.

What honest brand slogans would you pitch if you could?


Want to "know" more?

Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.

People Explain Which Things Blew Their Minds Once They Realized Them

"Reddit User r3tr0gam3r83 asked: 'What is something that blew your mind once you realized it?'"

Every moment we breathe is a moment to learn something new.

What's funny is the more we learn, the more we're shocked.

Some knowledge is so obvious it's stunning how oblivious we are.

Like, "How did I not know this sooner?'

And no matter what I can still be shocked.

Keep reading...Show less
broken heart hanging on wire
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Romantic relationships are great. They are full of excitement, fun, and even some stress, though it's mostly good stress (yes, that exists).

However, not all romances are meant to last. Whether it's because you grew apart or you realized the person you were with wasn't who you thought they were, a relationship can end.

Sometimes, those relationships are something you can look back on fondly as you move forward. Other times, they are relationships you regret.

Redditors know a lot about the second type, and are ready to share their stories.

Keep reading...Show less

Life lessons are forged in experience.

So many of us love to think we know what another person is feeling, and their reactions are just emotional.

Or what they're saying about what they're going through feels a bit over the top.

So many people are just dramatic, right?

Wrong.

Until we walk in those shoes, we'll never know.

Keep reading...Show less
Old, pink stuffed animal bunny sitting on bed
Photo by Paulo Almeida on Unsplash

Stuffies, plushies, stuffed animals, or plush toys; whatever you might call them, we likely all can remember a fluffy friend we had in our childhood.

But some adults might have carried their childhood friend into adulthood, or even made others along the way, and they might even still go to sleep with them at night, too.

Keep reading...Show less