'I Think You Need To Shave!' People Share The Things They Wish They Hadn't Caught Their Parents Doing.
Don't worry, Dr. Freud. They're not all about sex.
Not ALL of them.
This piece is based on answers to a Quora question. Link on the last page.
1. I grew up poor in Los Angeles, but not in a poor section of LA. My parents wanted their children to live in a safe neighbourhood with a quality education, so we lived in a middle-class area with upper-middle-class suburbs around it.
They scrimped and saved and did everything possible to afford to live there. We only had one car. We used coupons. Hand-me-down clothes. My dad worked 3 jobs sometimes, and my mom also worked long hours. We had enough to eat, clothes, shoes, beds, the money to pay the bills, and each other. But no more.
One day, I was walking home from school (we never had the luxury of being picked up by a parent) when I saw a man climbing out of a dumpster. I felt so bad for this homeless person . and then recognized him as my dad.
He was going through the trash, gathering aluminum cans to be ultimately turned in to a recycling center in exchange for a small amount of cash.
My dad was sorting through huge amounts of garbage in order to make maybe $20. And I knew he probably did this all the time - I had just never been aware of it before.
I decided right then that I was going to make enough money so that my dad never had to sort through someones trash. The image of my dad climbing out of a dumpster still haunts me.
-Persephone Willard
2. In high school, I worked part time at a burger joint. I busted my rump and worked like a slave during my shifts because I really needed the money for gas, phone bill, etc. I would often come home sweating grease and smelling like a rancid onion.
This particular night (a fricking Friday of course) was absolutely horrid and filled with the usual griping, hateful customers. When the clock hit 10 I hung up my grease stained hat and apron, giving a large mental middle finger to the place, and left.
Now I should note I did not get off any earlier or later than I usually did. (continued...)
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I arrived home at my expected time and sluggishly half-walked half-crawled down the hall towards my bedroom. I had to pass my parents room in order to do this.
Suddenly, I caught an orange blur out of the side of my eye.
I turned to look and-OH GOD!-my dad was buried between my mother's thighs. Lo and behold, her orange socks, high in the air, were the blur that had caught my attention.
I shrieked in surprise and disgust while running like a crazy woman to my bedroom. Now not only was I dead tired and exhausted from a hard day at work...my stomach was threatening to regurgitate its contents.
My mom still denies it to this day. I call her "orange socks" and she gets irritated.
Or, more hilariously, Agent Orange.
-Alexandra Bagale
3. My older brother committed suicide when I was in my late teens; he was 21 at the time.
I periodically visit his memorial; I've been once or twice with other family and my father. Visits tend to be emotional, but the pain clears after some time - different people grieve in different ways.
I hadn't been to my brothers grave for a long time - years. I felt I'd had closure - not forgotten, but forgiven him as it were. I'd moved on, in a way.
One day I was driving past the cemetery and thought I'd go and say hi. I could barely remember what the plaque looked like. As I got closer, I saw someone standing right by where I was heading. I backed off, I thought I'd give them respectful space.
Some time passed, and the person turned - he had a flower in his hand, and he was exiting the area of the garden away from me. I recognized his walk, and I don't know why I hadn't picked up on it sooner. (continued...)
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I guess I just wasn't expecting it or something, but I knew my Dad - it was definitely him. He was too far away, and I didn't want to awkwardly shout out to him. So I called his phone. The distant figure pulled his cellphone out, looked at it, and cut the call.
He put the flowers he had brought in the garbage can, leaned heavily on it and heaved his shoulders. Then, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked away.
Nothing in my life has alarmed or disturbed me so much - my father who I love deeply, the pain he feels at the loss of a son. I saw something that day that cut me in two. Defeat? Whatever it was, it was painful for both of us.
We've talked about it - that day in fact. He told me he didn't take my call because he was too raw - sometimes it happens I guess. He's angry sometimes at my brother but more often himself; he feels despondent and worthless sometimes - a father who buried a son.
I wish I never had to see my parents (either of them) like that, ever.
-Jonathan Pashby
4. Im in my final year of studying Electronics and Electrical Engineering and at one of the most well-known and one of the best private colleges in my country.
The fees are quite high, and hard to afford for a middle class family. My dad has no siblings and hes managing all the expenses of our house for our family. My younger sister is in grade 9, and shes a good classical dancer so her costumes are quite expensive.
My dads salary isnt much. He is a government employee and my mom is a housewife. I know it's hard for them to afford my tuition but they never wanted to take a student loan because they dont want me to pay for it my whole life.
Once, I was home on a vacation on a Sunday morning. I saw something which my parents had never told me. (continued...)
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I woke up and was heading towards the washroom (for which I had to go through my parents room) and on the way I saw my mom was doing something with her gold jewelry.
She immediately put all the jewelry back inside the locker when she saw me. 23 days later,while searching for my documents, I found a receipt in a file for several thousand dollars. My parents had sold the jewelry (some of it quite old) to pay my college fees.
They never let me know what they were going through. They just wanted me to see happy and did their best.
I learned a valuable lesson: parents are gods on earth. I love my parents a lot and Im trying to be the best son ever since then.
Our parents do so much for us but sometimes we ignore them. We yell at them for not giving us everything we want. Love and respect your parents. They give up more for you than you can imagine.
-Anonymous
5. I was 16 and in bed. My father was prudish but my mother was definitely not.
My bedroom was at the bottom of the stairs that led up to their room. Apparently that evening my mother decided to cheekily flirt with my dad by tossing cold water onto him when he was in the shower. So he got out and chased her up the stairs, trying to hug her while she had her good work clothes on.
Anyways, I was minding my own business with my CD player and headphones on. It was 10:45-11pm. I don't remember how or why, but I heard their bedroom door open above me. My mother was laughing way too hard. (continued...)
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Next thing I knew, my dad came rolling down the stairs and bounced through my door into my room. Naked.
I'm looking in shock and keeping my eyes up at his face as he covers his junk and he yells at ME! He's like, "Amanda! Go to your room! And I was so flustered I just said, "but, daddy! I am in my room!!!"
He got up, careful to keep his butt and privates hidden and he's like, "Good! Go to sleep! I've told you about those headphones. I don't want to see this again."
And I just snarled back "I don't wanna see this again either!"
My mother was about dead by then. Her laughter was silent and shed slid to the floor as my dad did what sounded like the fastest upstairs naked dash of all time.
But that wasn't my first embarrassing encounter with my dad.
Rewind a couple years to when I was 8. My dad was showering. There was opaque glass, so nothing was visible. Therefore, my mum thought it'd be ok to let me in to brush my teeth.
I'm partway through and I hear: "Hey, look at this. What do you think?"
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And I turn around to see my dad's ass pressed against the glass so it was the only part of him visible.
I spit out my toothpaste and said, "I think you need to shave, daddy." He slipped as I rinsed my mouth out.
-Amanda Zawjatunazmul
6/6. I was about 16 years of age when this happened. It was the last week of the month, and a few of our family friends visited us for chit chat after dinner.
When they showed up and said, hey guys, lets go get some ice cream together, my parents said yes very reluctantly and they just then mysteriously went upstairs. I was not sure why this seemed to be a big deal.
After some time, when they hadn't come back downstairs, I went upstairs to look for them. That's when I discovered that they had opened up my piggy bank and were counting money (pennies, coins, some notes).
I was shocked that they had opened my piggy bank and when they saw me standing, they said, "honey, sorry we have to use your money for ice cream now as papa is out of money for the month. We will give it back to you on payday."
For some reason I understood the situation, and they gave me the money to run down to the store to buy some ice cream. I did and we all shared it with the visitors.
I wish I had never seen my parents in that desperate moment, but it also motivated me. I studied very hard and worked tirelessly after that so that my family would never be that poor again.
Today, we're not rich by any means, but we're doing much better. We certainly don't need to raid children's piggy banks!
-Anonymous
Thumb credit: Sofi photo / Shutterstock.com
Comedy is in a very tricky place right now.
There is so much to NOT laugh about in this world.
In truth, many of us have forgotten how to laugh.
And certain jokes that are told, make people afraid to laugh.
So what do we do?
We tell inappropriate jokes apparently.
Let's hear some...
Redditor CrewCreation wanted to hear some "risky" comedy. So they asked:
"What’s the best morbid joke you know?"
***WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SENSITIVE MATERIAL. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!***
I can't think of anything hilarious at the moment. Make us LOL.
Lady
"I have this friend, love him to bits, but his wife has a tendency of just constantly showing everyone pictures of their son at every social event. At the start it was understandable, but now I'm just like 'Lady, it's been two years; they're not going to find him.'"
UnoriginalUse
at 9am...
"Not the most morbid but I love Anthony Jeselnik’s story about his neighbor who has Alzheimer’s. 'One of my next door neighbors is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s. And every single morning at 9am he knocks on my door and asks me if I have seen his wife.'"
"'Which means that every single morning at 9am I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for quite some time. Now I’ve thought about moving. I have thought about just not answering my door in the morning. But to be honest, it’s worth it… just to see the smile on his face.”
dreagan021
Comedy?
"Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is."
GW2RNGR
"Why can't orphans play tennis? They get confused when they hear love."
JayDub506
People who make comedy are evil. LOL.
The Darkness
"Dark humor is like food; not everyone gets it."
storm_the_castle
God Laughs?
"A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven, where she meets God. To break the tension she tells God a joke about the Holocaust, but God doesn’t laugh. The lady shrugs and says 'I guess you had to be there.'"
“'I guess you had to be there' is a common expression used when someone doesn’t laugh at a joke. It means that the comedy may not translate without the context of the situation."
"In this case the Holocaust survivor is saying it, meaning that during the Holocaust God was nowhere to be found. It’s not really a joke about the Holocaust, but the absurdity of belief in a benevolent God. Hilarious right?"
semimillennial
Oh Baby
"How many dead babies does it take to fix a light bulb? More than 3 cause my garage is still dark."
sirnibs3
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Because I don't know what it says about us as people if we laugh. Oye.
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Life can change in an instant.
It can always change for the better.
Just ask any lottery winner.
Sadly, life can also take a turn for the worst and leave people shattered beyond repair.
Watching someone's life fall apart in a short amount of time is difficult.
You have to wonder if there really is such a thing as karma, bad luck, or Voodoo.
Redditor OkImagination5852 wanted to hear about the times we've been witness to personal disaster. They asked:
"People who witness a person's life crumble in a single day, what happened?"
I have lived through a lot of bad days. But thankfully they've been one disaster at a time days. So I guess I'm lucky.
Horror
"A friend of a friend had his entire family killed overnight. He was from my college and was home visiting his family. His parents, siblings, and extended family were all there together. One night, while they were all asleep, his father got up, took out a gun, and went on a shooting spree. He then killed himself."
"Everyone except this guy died on the spot. When my friend visited him at the hospital, the guy was still in shock. He had no idea why his father did that. This was more than a decade ago, and I have no idea how he's doing now."
DeadOnDeparture98
The IRS Called
"Knew a guy who had a nice house, wife, 3 kids. Machine shop in his garage, Snap On tool truck, sign out front, great mechanic. Never incorporated, didn't pay taxes on his business, cash only. Took nice vacations, bought a boat, then a camper. Five years later, the IRS came. I don't know what they estimated he owed but they seized everything. He lives alone in a trailer now."
Nobody_Wins_13
2 at Once
"My mom’s dad and dad’s mom both died on the same day. Completely unrelated. We were pretty messed up for awhile. It was 2010. Mom's dad had emphysema (lifetime smoker) and was pretty sick for a few weeks. I was in college at the time and came home to be with him, because we knew he was about to pass. Dad's mom was in the nursing home, as she had had a stroke and also had dementia (she often thought I was my dad, she thought we were in the 70s, etc.)."
"She took a turn for the worst, and so my dad left the hospice my grandpa was at and went to be with her. The towns they were in were about an hour apart, so I stayed behind with my mom to comfort her when her dad passed. A few hours go by, and he passes peacefully (huge thanks to the hospice workers for their respect and grace during this time)."
"Within an hour or so of his passing, we get a call from my dad saying that his mother had passed as well. It was a terribly dark day in our family, and the next couple years for me in college were pretty much a blur. Thankfully, things got better in time and we are all doing well now."
She lost everything...
"Her husband left her after previously persuading her to remortgage their house to save his business and he's already made her take multiple credit cards out in her name. She lost everything. He did it the week after their youngest turned 18 so he wouldn't have to pay child support. He'd obviously been planning for years."
Ieatclowns
a black sheep...
"My cousin was in a motorcycle accident with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend died. She broke her back. When she was in the hospital she learned she was pregnant. It's been 16 years and we're still trying our best, she took an all too familiar path of drugs, burning bridges and more pregnancies."
"At this point she's fairly stable and clean as far as I know but a bit of a black sheep. Her mother has custody of all one of her kids. She has her youngest and seems to be doing good by her, but who knows. It's been hard on everyone, especially her mother and her brother."
Paradigm6790
Well this is the stuff of nightmares. I'm grateful for every moment I have alive.
Several lawsuits are filed...
"Here is multiple lives ruined in an instant. A friend was over at some other people house, drugs were involved. They had been playing with a gun. My friend points the gun at a girl, pulls the trigger and shoots her in the head. Girl dies, friend gets locked up until he turns 18. Parents at the house get arrested because they knew what the kids were doing. Friends mom goes into a depression and ends up getting evicted from her house. Several lawsuits are filed."
sentondan
Gone Forever
"It was me... got in a car accident and suffered a traumatic spinal and brain injury that I had no chance of surviving... a 7 vertebrae spinal fusion, yrs of physical and mental therapy... 18 yrs later and the pieces, though many forever gone, are finally coming back together."
2boneskuLL
A Bad Night
"He trashed his fathers vacation house with an axe before setting it on fire, stabbed the neighbor nearly to death, stole their car and then crashed it into a cop car so bad the cops were injured. He also got his girl pregnant, so once he is out of prison they're gonna start a family."
Dumbing_It_Down
"dangerous"
"Pregnant friend found out husband (43) was having an affair with young woman (19) who was a volunteer at their ecolodge. Friend had 'dangerous' pregnancy and had to spend a lot of time in bed. This betrayal destroyed their marriage, split the little town where they lived and caused two employees to quit because witnessing the affair going on was just too painful."
"She had a beautiful baby girl (to go with her other two girls, lol) and after the breakup was clinically depressed. Worked hard and got a divorce (she had a great lawyer); got the business back on track; beat her depression and now is planning a great vacation trip with her girls."
"Meantime, Dad has generous visitation but just 'hasn't gotten around to' buying a car seat so he can pick up the baby and for a long time asked my friend, 'Can you drop the girls off at my Mom's?'"
NoBSforGma
Lost it All...
"Recently, I know of a guy that had borrowed all his family’s life savings for the most part to participate in the whole game stop stock thing happening… he lost every penny of his money (credit card advances), and his parents retirement, and every other dime he could get… it makes me sick to even think of it."
Bangbangsmashsmash
Well those are A LOT of bad days. Good luck to all of you.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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Those who are wealthy have the luxury of acquiring the best of the best–whether it's dinner at a Michelin-starred restaurant or status-identifying clothing from Chanel or Yves Saint Laurent.
But even the rich have their limits when it comes to frivolous spending before casting judgment on friends or colleagues.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor Sasquatchfl asked:
"Rich people of Reddit, what's the craziest/most unethical thing you've seen people in your circle spend money on?"
Expensive experiences were a priority over prized possessions.
Live Sushi
"An ex worked for Dell in the late 90s/early 2000s. He was pretty high up and there were lots of partiers in his work circle. Went to a party hosted by one of the dellionaires and there was a body sushi girl. I don’t know what was paid to her, but it was one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen."
– 5hrs4hrs3hrs2hrs1mor
Pissing Contest
"Paid a group of homeless guys to only use the bathroom on a competitors business. Eventually bought that place for a massive discount."
– Haboobalub
Let's Work Out
"My mother woke up one morning and said she felt she was way too fat and she wanted to get a treadmill. The treadmill wouldn’t be a problem, but then she saw where it would be and didn’t like the lighting. Fast forward 2 months later there’s a 40k outdoor gym built and connected to the house. She hasn’t used it once."
– Herrera5449_
Taking A Leap
"Travelled with a bunch of ex 'friends' all fairly wealthy."
"First trip to SE Asia together and as an ex-local I was a de-facto tour guide (despite not being there in over a decade)"
"They somehow found and offered a bunch of kids diving off cliffs to jump for spare change."
"They increasingly challenged each other to land their coins as close to the cliff base and small surrounding rocks for the kids to dive for."
– Satakans
It's about the finer things in life.
Expensive Party Gag
"A 3k ouija board from Gwen Paltrow's store. I didn't even know it was a thing until the dude brought it out. I really wanted to cut it up and see what it was made from. Looked nice don't get me wrong but the thing is basically a party gag. For 3 grand, it better summon a demon that's all I'm saying."
– con_this
Slow Burn
"$600 USD for a candle."
– Jeffranks
It's not always about the things you acquire.
Minor Inconvenience
"I know a guy who went to get a new drivers license and had to pay ~$100k in back parking tickets, then joked about it after."
"Apparently he couldn't get a permit to park in front of his house, so he just did anyway, and accepted like a $200 fine everyday."
– melodyze
For A Successful Election
"Not me, but I know a guy who crowd funded (read: threw a bunch of money into, then solicited more at a flea market) $80,000 toward his friend's DA election campaign. The guy won. So far, this has paid back at least $120K in avoided legal fees. I know some rich people. Most of them are more boring than you think. Hell, most of them drive Hondas, Toyotas, and Nissans."
– KP_Wrath
The Lance Corporal
"I was stationed with a Lance Corporal who was wealthy beyond means after selling some of his patents. He owned and piloted four helicopters. Lived in a palatial waterfront house in Jacksonville, NC."
"The cheapest one cost 400K. That's the one he trained on. The most expensive was about 1.2 million. That's 1.2 million 1981 dollars. The two he's got now are about 5 million each."
"Had a floating landing pad out back moored to his dock and another landing pad in the back yard. Kept two helicopters and a Rolls inside his custom-built hangar at Norfolk International Airport."
"He drove a pair of Rolls-Royces. He also toyed with a 900K Miami-Vice type speedboat. He also housed and transported his squad to Camp Lejeune and back in a custom mini-bus."
– ApplicationConnect55
The dude was very giving and lived a very clean life. He'd fly us to Norfolk, pickup the car and we'd do our shopping and eating. Hop in a chopper and return home. He'd fly his fire team down to Miami on weekends. He kept a Limo there and wore a chauffer's outfit and did all the driving.
He bought a full-service and licensed pub in Northern Ireland. He lives there with his wife. Does a lot of charity work there. We still keep in touch."
– ApplicationConnect55
When there's plenty of money going around, there's no need to worry about a single thing.
That peace of mind is a luxury in itself.
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When marriages or relationships fall apart, infidelity is not always the cause.
Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor Liam_Tang asked:
"People who've divorced, aside from adultery, what were the irreconcilable differences that ended the marriage?"

You think you know a person when you walk down the aisle.
These Redditors were in for a rude awakening.
Pet Neglect
"My wife divorced her ex for many reasons, but the final straw was when she went out of town for a few days, and when she got back he had not fed or given water to the dog. The dog lived a long and happy life after that."
– StrangeCrimes
Obsessed With A Crush
"Not me, but I had an old coworker that divorced his wife for spending their entire savings on candy crush and games of the same type."
– Hexis40
Compatibility Musts
"ITT: Intimacy (sex/romance), beliefs (religion/spirituality/politics), kids, and I haven’t seen it yet but it’s coming: finances."
"The big four. You REALLY need to discuss these things in detail BEFORE getting married."
– rabbiskittles
Physical violence is a legit reason for people to peace out of a relationship.
The Flattening
"She threatened to hit me with a hammer."
– michaelrohansmith
Hitting The Bottle
"She became an abusive alcoholic. It was sad but I had to get out."
– diegojones4
Emotional pain is too damaging to recover from.
Truth Hurts
"She told me as we stood in front of the judge ending our 7 year marriage, 'I never loved you, I just wanted kids.'"
– Pinch_Dogs
Can't Fix Angry
"She was beautiful/smart but an angry angry person. I thought I could be sweet to her and 'fix' that. Heh. She kicked the crap out of me emotionally. Wife II has been a walk in the roses for 32 years now :)"
– lowlandr
A change of heart is worthless if comes too late.
"We Could've Had A Nice Marriage
"He could not understand that my wants and needs were as important as his wants and needs. We tried to make it work for 7 years. During that time, for things that were really important to me, I tried explaining logically, asking nicely, begging, crying, yelling, passive aggressiveness... cycled back through all of these options multiple times."
"(If I knew something was important to him, I would do that. For example, he was really into sports, so I went to all his events, even though that is not at all my thing.) When I finally threw up my hands and told him it was time to get a divorce, he suddenly panicked and said 'What can I do? Do you want me to do half the chores? I'll do it! Do you want me to get a job? I'll do it! Do you want me to buy you presents for your birthday? I'll do it!'"
"So, in other words, he could have been doing that all along, but just couldn't be bothered. That made me so angry. We could have had a nice marriage that we both enjoyed, but no, by the time he saw the light, that ship had sailed."
"We are both happily remarried now (to different people) and I joke that his new wife owes me a thank you note. It was his experience with me that taught him to listen to her and take her needs seriously."
– Bluebird-True
"What Can I Do?"
"My ex was exactly like this. I didn't marry him but when I told him let's break up, he went all like, what can I do? Let's get engaged, let's look at houses, etc. Basically all the pre-marriage topics that we should be discussing about after being together for 7 years."
"I got so angry and straight up told him it's too late... I don't need you anymore."
– gudetarako
As much as a couple wants to stay together, unforeseen circumstances can eventually tear people apart.
Very few people can maintain healthy long-distance relationships.
When a new job opportunity takes a significant other away, would you begrudge them for wanting a better position to earn more money? Or is it better for them to reluctantly turn down the opportunity so they could stay with you? Do either scenarios breed resentment?
These were questions I've often asked myself with past relationships, and my answers varied depending on the person I was with.
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