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Husband Receives Email With Receipts Wife Is Cheating, And He's Not Sure What To Do Next

Husband Receives Email With Receipts Wife Is Cheating, And He's Not Sure What To Do Next
Photo via Wikimedia Commons

Maybe it was a statement of compassion, or maybe it was vengeance, but either way: it hurts.


mymarriageisruined told his story:

I [32M] got an e-mail from some woman about an affair my wife [31F] is having.

My wife and I have been together for 7 years, married for 2. Everything in our relationship is great. We rarely fight or have any arguments.

This morning I checked my e-mail (as I do every morning) and saw an e-mail from someone I didn't know. I open it up and the e-mail basically stated that my wife was having an affair. The woman went into pretty good detail, showing the texts and e-mails between her and the other man. I didn't believe it until I logged into my Facebook and saw the message from that same woman which said "Hey. I'm sorry but I have some bad news for you. Please check your e-mail." As it turns out, this woman who e-mailed me was the wife of the guy my wife is cheating on me with.

I can't believe this. This came out of left field. Our relationship was never in a rough spot, I have no clue what led to this. I'm really not sure what to do at this moment.

tl;dr: Got an e-mail from a woman which shows my wife is cheating on me.

Here is what the internet said.

One

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I didn't find the advice I was looking for in here so I'll add my own.

You received some information. You need to cross check it now. Hopefully the record has date and time stamps. If they were text messages, check her phone. If it looks like messages were deleted, check the text records through the carrier to match up messages to that particular number. Look for some evidence to back up the information you received. Do this before confronting her. You don't want to go to her with just a he said she said in your pocket. You also don't want to accuse her of this if it's just some kook f---ing with you. Put some effort in yourself here.

With regard to the lawyer... in most states and unless you're particularly wealthy, it probably won't do a ton for you. Infidelity isn't generally a factor in most divorces. Google around to see whether it is or not for your state. Do get an STD test done though.

If you find corroborating evidence, when you approach her about it I'd recommend just asking questions.

"Hey, we need to talk. Is there anything important that you need to tell me? No? Is there some one else in your life right now?"

Etc. Idealy she does most of the talking. Rather than telling her the extent of what you know, getting her to confess will tell you whether she's hiding some facts still and might net you more information than you currently have. Better information means better decisions with less regrets based on unknowns.

Good luck.

Falxen

Two

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Screenshot and save everything, make sure the things/accounts you care about are secured away, and lawyer up after talking to your wife. Prepare for the worst but understand that (as unlikely as it may be) without talking to her there may be an explanation you've missed.

Get as much information as you can. But it sounds like it should be over.

oodlynoodles

Three

Confront the wife. Get the truth.

Ask yourself if this is something you want to forgive and try to work through to save your marriage, or if you would prefer to get divorced.

Many people will just say, "lol, divorce the b*tch, delete facebook, lawyer up, hit the gym," but only you can decide what's right for you. I know of at least 2 married couples in their 60's where one of them had an affair in their younger days, and they decided to work through it, going on to be happy and loving for decades.

You must decide what you want.

From your side of the story, you didn't ask for this, you didn't mistreat her, and you don't deserve this. Sorry to hear it, but keep your chin up.

SirKnightOfNew

Four

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The woman went into pretty good detail, showing the texts and e-mails between her and the other man.

That's a pretty big smoking gun. You need to confront your wife about this, you should ask to see her phone, and if she refuses, then you'll have your answer.

Caught my wife cheating too. It was the worst pain I've ever experienced. I know what you're going through. Ima give you some practical advice and some emotional advice.

Practical:

  • Immediately change all the passwords on all the accounts and move your money from a joint account to a personal one. Having some cash squirreled away is going to make things go a lot smoother.
  • Get a lawyer. I ain't even playing. Do it yesterday.
  • If you're sharing a lease you're going to have to get out of it - talk to your landlord and see what your options are.
  • Establish a support structure. Find out which friends you can lean on right now. Enlist their help. That's what friends are for - to help each other.
  • Control your anger. Losing your temper will only hurt your case. Stay fucking frosty.

Emotional advice:

  • I'm not going to sugarcoat it. You're going to be a fucking mess for a while. Just focus on what needs doing and try not to dwell on the pain. In the words of Freddie Mercury "The show must go on."
  • Stay off the booze. Booze makes you sloppy and likely to do something stupid that will give her an edge in the divorce. If you do get hammered do it with people who will keep you in line.
  • Hit the gym. Seriously. Your life is going to seem unanchored for a long damned time. Physical activity will wear your body out, help relieve stress, and keep your emotions from overwhelming you.
  • Keep the social media chatter to a minimum. The more often you open your mouth, the more likely hurtful words will come out. Don't give her screenshots of you losing your shit.
  • Communicate with her politely and professionally and only through a medium that's easy to record - aka text and email. You avoid all that 'he said, she said' shit.
  • Give yourself plenty of time before getting into another relationship.
  • It's gonna take time to heal. You're going to be sad, lonely, angry, jittery, paranoid, restless, and about a thousand other emotions all at once.
  • Finally, remember to take it one day at a time. Trust me, things will get better.

Mcsmack

Five

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I have a question for you: is this a reason for you to divorce? If so, then you should not confront your wife, you should go straight to a lawyer, and move some money out of the joint account.

But if not - then you should confront her, ideally in a therapeutic context, if possible.

Either way, good luck.

dallasdarling

Six

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Ask her not to tell her husband she told you.

Lawyer up

Verify the affair

Move your money out of joint accounts (after consulting your lawyer)

Confront her

Serve her papers

IntoTheWest

Seven

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You've got 2 options:

  1. Confront her and hope that you can get to the bottom of it
  2. Keep playing house and snoop (keylogger on computers, SMS/MMS/GPS tracking software on cellphone, etc)

Texts and emails can be faked easily with online tools, but it seems that this woman has gone through a lot of trouble get details so I wouldn't easily dismiss it. Right now you're going on the word of an anonymous 3rd party, so you will need something more tangible if your wife tries to lie/gaslight you.

My experience: Wasn't married, but my ex of almost 9 years was cheating on me with many partners behind my back. She was manipulative and a good liar, and her friends would corroborate her stories. Finally got fed up with the lies and snooped, found out she had cheated on me with over 35 people. Would have never found out if I would have trusted her and didn't look.

ender_less

Eight

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Our relationship was never in a rough spot

Sometimes it could be a difference in perspectives. Maybe you thought things were good. Maybe this wasn't the case from her point of view. Maybe things were actually good, but sometimes that doesn't really have any bearing on whether a person decides to cheat or not.

I'm sorry that this happened. I hope you have friends/family to lean on during the storm that's approaching. For what it's worth, the storm will pass. Hang in there.

schemingraccoon

Nine

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You said this will result in a divorce (if true), then get ready for that. So many people dwell on the revenge factor, I'm surprised. I just don't understand what doing that does for anyone. The longer you dwell, the worse it is for you.

Get your legal facts in order, get your assets accounted for and then you have all the information you need to start moving on.

In Canada, the infidelity doesn't matter in the legal proceedings, and I have know idea about other places.

Get active, have a good support base, and don't look for revenge, just look to move on.

passiveone99

Ten

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  1. Get out ahead of this. If you let others' actions control the situation you will regret it.
  2. For some people this is not a relationship ender for others it is. Once you decide on which side you fall the actions forward will be clear.
  3. Either way make sure all resources are in place before you take action.
  4. If you are not comfortable speaking with family or friends keep them out of the loop. You can bring them up to speed later.
  5. When taking action keep it calm and cool and factual. You don't want to give her latitude for claiming any sort of abuse or aggressiveness. Use a public place that has many exits. Say what you have to say. Say what your next steps are. Then exit. There is absolutely no point in having a conversation at this point. She will want to talk but what she has to say at this point is not important.

Everything else will follow. Some stuff will go as planned other stuff you will have to improvise.

It is a crappy situation but taking action will put you on top of it instead of underneath it.

SmithRJ

Eleven

Get all the evidence you can. It seems you have it but there is probably more. Put it in a safe location. Do not confront until you have enough evidence. You can watch and look for awhile now that you are suspicious.

Sorry man.

Marc878

Twelve

  1. Get out ahead of this. If you let others' actions control the situation you will regret it.
  2. For some people this is not a relationship ender for others it is. Once you decide on which side you fall the actions forward will be clear.
  3. Either way make sure all resources are in place before you take action.
  4. If you are not comfortable speaking with family or friends keep them out of the loop. You can bring them up to speed later.
  5. When taking action keep it calm and cool and factual. You don't want to give her latitude for claiming any sort of abuse or aggressiveness. Use a public place that has many exits. Say what you have to say. Say what your next steps are. Then exit. There is absolutely no point in having a conversation at this point. She will want to talk but what she has to say at this point is not important.

Everything else will follow. Some stuff will go as planned other stuff you will have to improvise.

It is a crappy situation but taking action will put you on top of it instead of underneath it.

SmithRJ

Thirteen

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You need to continue to act as if nothing had happened. Make sure to smile, hold her hand, and so forth. Do not have sex with her. On top of everything else, you also need to get yourself tested. If the other woman decided to work on her marriage, she will absolutely make him cut your wife out of his life. With the affair ended, your wife will probably want to bury this without ever telling you. She might even want to double down on the love with you. Make sure you resist sleeping with her, at all costs. Find any excuse you can. Buy time until you have everything in order. If the affair ends, I guess that hiring a PI would be a waste of money. But you do need to find a lawyer to get your finances in order and to protect yourself.

passiveone99

Fourteen

its better if your wife does not know, so you can prepare legally, it can be a huge difference if lawyers get involved.

Vasallo7G

Fifteen

Seen this before. #notme but it turned out, the said woman was really having an affair with married man. Sad story. But the wife got what she wanted I guess.... She blasted the fb message to several circles..

lasergirl84

Sixteen

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Personally, I think the ship might have already sailed on the PI bit. If the other man's wife is telling you about this, she might have already started the ball rolling on her end, which might mean the affair is already over (if he wants to save his marriage). She might also have informed him that she told you, and so your wife might know or might soon know that you know. The longer you put off confronting her, the more time she has to prepare, if she plans on gaslighting. Or, on the flip side, if this is just a smear attempt, the longer you put if off, the more time you will think she'll have had to prepare.

Buddahrific

Secrets About The Food Industry They Don't Want You To Know

Reddit user Lilyxrx asked: 'What’s a secret the food industry don’t want you to know?'

Assortment of various food
Photo by Jimmy Dean on Unsplash

Whenever we go out to eat, be it at a fine dining establishment or a quick service window, some of us tend to wonder what the journey was for the food that we are looking at on our plates or in our take-out bags.

Many have similar thoughts when buying frozen or pre-packaged dinners at supermarkets.

The answers aren't always readily available, often because the food service industry will go to great lengths to keep them under lock and key. Well aware, most of the time, that current or former employees will spill the beans at one point or another.

Redditor Lilyxrx was curious to hear some of the most well guarded secrets of the food industry, leading them to ask:

"What’s a secret the food industry don’t want you to know?"

Next Time Your Craving Bananas Foster...

"The 'natural flavors' are just big jugs of glycerin with hyper concentrated flavoring in it."

"Banana flavoring is fairly flammable."

"Source: Worked in food manufacturing."- irony_in_the_UK·

Cholesterol Be Darned!

"Chef here."

"It’s salt and fat."

"If you have a question about anything it’s salt and fat."- LongRest

For Efficiency's Sake...

"Olive Garden makes all their necessary pastas for the whole day from 8-10am every morning."

"Partially cooked."

"So when an order comes through, they grab a serving of the needed pasta style and flash cook them in hot water."

"Also, it’s just the brand, Barilla."- Deerhunter86

Justin Bieber Food GIFGiphy

Before You Pay The Extra Money...

"Beekeeper checking in."

"There is no such thing as organic honey."

"I do not treat my bees with chemicals, but I have no idea where they get their nectar."

"A bee can fly up to three miles from a hive to get nectar."

"It is virtually impossible to guarantee they have not gotten nectar from a chemically treated source."- toad__warrior·

If You Ever Wonder What Makes It Taste So Good...

"Unless it’s a health conscious food joint you’re eating at, the food we serve is designed for maximum taste."

"It’s either dense with fat and sugar, or fat and salt "

"E.G. Those mashed potatoes you like?"

"Made with cream, butter, and salt."

"The quiche?"

"Made on cream, not milk."

"Etc, etc."- petuniasweetpea

Before You Start Bragging...

"Dragon fruit isn’t an exotic Asian fruit."

"It’s a cactus fruit, and as such are native to the Americas and can even be grown in the US."- ferretmonkey

dragon fruit GIF by Feliks Tomasz KonczakowskiGiphy

In Case You're Wondering why That Taste Is So Familiar...

"A lot of the processed cheese and cream cheese is all the same recipe we just switch the labels and packaging for the different brands we run."

"Source: I work in a cheese factory in a company that services 75% of America's domestic market."- anon5678903276

Another Reason To Have No Guilt Over Take Out...

"Well."

"I work at Dominos, and we are kept afloat by the people who don't coupon and pay full menu price."

"You people are the unsung heroes of labor."- LoweeLL

Unlike Any Chocolate...

"When I worked at a mass production bakery the chocolate for the chocolate covered doughnuts came in giant frozen blocks of 4x4 pieces and contained no actual chocolate what so over."

"When unfrozen it was like some sort of nasty smelling paraffin wax that I would break up with a hammer and place into a melter that would then pour over the doughnuts."- gil_beard

Chocolate Dessert GIF by HuffPostGiphy

What Do Orange Juice And Whiskey Have In Common?

"The reason orange juice tastes consistently the same year round, even though it's a crop harvested once a year, is because citrus oils and citrus flavor are added back to different batches and blended all together."

"Similar to how whiskey is blended from multiple barrels to make it consistent."

"The difference is that even though extra stuff is added back into the OJ, it doesn't need to be labeled because the flavors contain all ingredients from oranges (FTNF-from the named fruit) so the FDA doesn't mandate labeling additional ingredients."- PensiveDoughnut

Does That Explain Their Shape?

"Pringles (and baked Lays/similar) are made of rehydrated and compressed rejected/excess parts of potatoes that go into regular chips."

"I learned that from my dietician at work and thought that was odd."

"I still like them over regular chips."- bluesasaurusrex

A Secret Better Not Known...

"The 11 herbs and spices secret recipe."- NemoTheOneTrueGod

Food Pouring GIF by Great Big StoryGiphy

Just Pop It In The Fryer...

"I was a young lad working at Church's Fried Chicken during the summer, many years ago."

"The owner refused to throw out chicken that had already gone bad; to the point where you'd gag if you smell them."

"Apparently if you batter them bad boys up and deep fry them, the rancid smell goes away."

"His customers never knew they were eating spoiled chicken."- Dirt_E_Harry·

Sweet... But Safe!

"The amount of sugar that goes into Costco bakery products is absurd, especially the apple pie."

"That being said; Costco does not f*ck around when it comes to food safety."

"Every area that is responsible for producing food is most likely cleaner than a white room for producing computer parts."

"There are virtually zero roaches, we found one in the bakery once and shut it down until the exterminator did his thing that very night."

"Someone returned a package of dinner rolls because their child had bit into one and a sharp piece of metal was in it, within less than 2 minutes every manager in the building was doing an investigation that led all the way up to the regional manager and his boss for several hours and determined that it had come off of a piece of machinery before it reached our location."

"We throw away rotisserie chickens if they have left (even for a few minutes) the shelf and someone tries to put it back."- Deathnachos

Costco GIF by hero0fwarGiphy

We'd like to think that everyone who works in the food industry shares the same high standards.

But, as in any industry, there are those out there who will cut corners for speedier results.

On the bright side, it does save you the trouble when deciding what cream cheese to buy...


Two people look over paperwork on a desk
Photo by Romain Dancre

Loopholes are everywhere.

But finding them can be time-consuming.

Or they can be a straight-up accident.

Sometimes corporations don't even realize the ways they've given out great deals.

In the early days of the internet, scheming for loopholes was a favorite pastime, but companies caught on.

They're still out there though, just waiting to be discovered.

Redditor Aarunascut wanted to discuss the best "deals" they've stumbled upon and utilized, so they asked:

"What was a loophole that you found and exploited the hell out of?"

I love a good loophole.

I would always use the free gym trial memberships.

They've caught on now by using better tracking.

Alas...

Rinse & Repeat

coins GIFGiphy

"You used to be able to order dollar coins from the mint."

"Pay for it on your credit card, free delivery."

"Get sky miles."

"Take dollar coins to the bank, deposit, and pay off bills."

"Repeat."

AMLT1983

I Love Pizza

"I run a recycling center and when Mountain Dew did the win an Xbox One with codes under the soda bottle caps we got a total of 20 Xbox ones. Every worker got one that year. Also, Casey’s Pizza had a thing going that you collected 10 tabs off the large pizza box you’d get a free pizza. We had free pizzas weekly for years till they stopped doing it."

Otis_Firefly

Her Code

"During my first year teaching, teachers were each allowed 1500 photocopies a month. I had 150 students. That wasn't enough. One day, a coworker announced that she was leaving for a different opportunity. I asked her for her copier code. They never deleted her code, so I had 3000 copies per month for the last 5 months of the school year."

driveonacid

Sacagawea

"Older vending machines like the ones in my high school and car wash used to take golden dollars (yes, the Sacagawea coin), count them as a dollar and then spit them back out. You could buy the whole machine with one golden dollar. My friends and I exploited this for 7 months senior year until they swapped all of the machines out."

MapUnitKey

"Interestingly almost all of the US dollar coins ended up in Ecuador as they also use the US dollar. It was super weird but convenient as an American going there and I guess it really messed up their economy. I had always wondered where they disappeared to though. Major issues with counterfitting them too, any shiny one was basically useless even if it was real."

ember3pines

Coded

Girl Cheese GIF by Pizza HutGiphy

"When Pizza Hut first started online ordering they gave me a code for a free pizza for ordering online for the first time. Turns out the code also worked if you just ordered as a guest and kept working."

Stone_Reign

I miss the Pizza Hut deal days.

Online coupons used to give away the whole company.

$1.50

Make It Rain Loop GIF by Chris TimmonsGiphy

"My bank thinks the vending machine at work is an ATM and refunds my 'atm fee' automatically... Chase bank if anyone wondered. I noticed I was always getting like $1.50 returned to my account here and there and then I realized what it was."

homerinthebushes

Past Services

"Back in the 80s, we found vending machines that were not regularly serviced that would overflow the coin box and spill quarters on the floor. We used to scrape them out from under the machine with a stick. Was a good time to be a latchkey unattended minor."

weakplay

"Vending machines in college (Ireland early 2000s) had a flap at the bottom that was supposed to stop you reaching your arm up to steal. But it also had a sensor used to determine if had something been dispensed. So if you held it shut, the machine would think nothing had dropped and you could order as many things as you wanted, then refund your coins and release the flap."

BrianHenryIE

Senior Year

"My senior year of high school a Chick-fil-A opened in our town and to advertise the grand opening they put a free chicken sandwich coupon in the yellow pages of the phone book. No purchase, no stipulations. For whatever reason there were like 1,000 phone books stored in a storeroom off the gym. Me and my buddies ate a chicken sandwich damn near every single day of senior year."

Panther90

Switched with Michelle

"At a former job management rearranged the schedules to expand our call center hours from 7 am to 9 pm. It was still an 8-hour day, you just started later. We had a meeting to discuss if we could pick our own hours so employees didn’t run the risk of working until 9 pm then having to be back the next day at 7 am. Management gave us a hard no-on that. But we were allowed to swap with a co-worker."

"A few of us got together to review the monthly schedule and noticed that 5 people were in the rotation who hadn’t worked there for years. (Seriously!). So, whenever we had to work a late schedule that we didn’t want we 'switched with Michelle.' This went on for almost 2 years before management scrapped the whole idea."

Crazy_from_the_heat

The King

burger king GIFGiphy

"Burger King used to have an app where you’d shake your phone and it would sometimes display a free item. A guy at work wrote his own app that looked identical to Burger King, but would only ever show a Whopper Meal. Every lunchtime he’d go to Burger King and get a free meal."

RedLeader7

I love a free meal.

Especially a free meal at any "cost!" LOL.

couple painting room
Roselyn Tirado on Unsplash

A pet peeve is defined as something a person finds especially annoying.

These tend to vary from person to person which makes them a frequent issue in relationships. From small habits to major personality traits, it's hard to know what will set someone else off.

A partner's interesting quirks or routine habits might inadvertently get on their significant others last nerve.

Keep reading...Show less

It feels like the workplace is constantly changing, especially since the pandemic, with more people working from home, more systems being automated, and more social pressure for workplaces to evolve.

But it's even more jarring to think of how much the workplace has changed for those who have been in the workforce for many decades and how seemingly every aspect of their work has changed... at least once.

Redditor LightningStrikes818 asked:

"Redditors who are 50 years old or older, what has changed the most about working when you started working vs. working nowadays?"

Dress Codes

"Skirts/dresses and pantyhose required of women in many offices through the 1990s."

- hhhmmm0

"Flipside: suits and ties, buttoned-up shirts. Brutal in summer."

- ridleyfiredome

"Pantyhose were high maintenance. I had to have an extra pair in my desk drawer in case of a major run. I had clear nail polish at home and work to stop any runs above the hemline."

"Pantyhose were expensive, I had nice department store hose for special occasions, and bulk mail order hose for daily wear. They had to be washed in mesh bags and hung to dry."

"In the summer I’d get swamp crotch when it was hot and humid, and heat rash on my thighs where they rubbed."

"Heels had to be polished and the heel tips replaced at the shoe shop. Most office clothes were dry clean only, and it was expensive, and yet another errand. Office clothes were expensive, I didn’t have many clothes, I had to plan what to wear and time the dry cleaning."

"I don’t miss the nightmare of heels and hose from the 80’s."

- phineasminius

Electrical Transfer, Who?

"Having to go to the bank to cash my paycheck."

- Cndngirl

"Oh my god, yes, and we needed to wait until after 3:00 PM to cash it."

- Big-Reflection-104

Work and... Strip Clubs?

"We took a company van with a logo on it to take out-of-town guests to a strip club. I don’t even think I can say that out loud at work today."

- scruffles360

"Strip clubs were standard practice. Especially in sales. Many deals closed in those places over my career."

- YOU_WONT_LIKE_IT

Smoking Spaces

"People smoking indoors. Clouds of smoke everywhere in the office and no way for a nonsmoker to avoid it. That was the norm so you just had to suck it up."

- andBobsyourcat

"Yes, at one stage I had the misfortune of sitting next to someone who used to smoke a pipe. I could barely see my computer screen at times for the clouds of smoke."

"Also, the IT support guy would come over to do something and he always had a cigarette dangling from his lips, dropping ash into my keyboard. Urgh! Different times!"

- MickSturbs

Office Parties of Old

"Man, in state government, all the older employees have similar stories of work parties in the 90s. Booze everywhere, smoking, people dancing, and having fun. Everyone brought their spouses, etc."

"Now you're lucky if you see a Christmas cake. People wonder why everything feels like it's coming apart at the seams and people are so unhappy. That aspect of being a human being fun, even at work is gone."

- t00sl0w

"I'm a millennial in industrial equipment sales, and it genuinely feels like you showed up to a party about an hour after everyone was gone."

"Nowadays, I can't even have a beer with dinner and expect to expense it."

- titsmuhgeeee

"Oh man, the office Christmas parties then, versus now?? Forget about it. Like comparing a wedding to a funeral."

- Schyznik

Safety Precautions

"I'm 42 but feel like I want to chime in."

"Health and safety has changed loads. You wouldn't get away with half the sh*t we did when I was 17."

- section4

Constantly, Always Sitting

"I watched office work go from sedentary to virtually immobile. We used to retrieve paper files, pass memos around, and consult with coworkers in other sections and floors."

"Now everything is available on the screen in front of us, everything can be shared with a few clicks. It’s convenient, but so unhealthy."

- MathematicianWitty23

What's a Pension Again?

"Hardly anybody has a pension anymore."

- whitewolfdogwalker

"That's where I feel really lucky to be in Australia, we have mandatory superannuation (a percentage of your pay plus employer contribution goes into a fund for your retirement) and most people will also qualify for an age care pension in addition to their super."

"The pension isn't really enough for our current seniors who don't have much super (due to the timeline of when it was introduced) but generations after that should be relatively well set up for retirement."

- TheGardenNymph

Work Availability in General

"I'm in the UK."

"It was a great deal easier to find work. You'd get vacancies posted in various places and could go down to the Job Centre, browse vacancies posted on postcards on boards, pick out the jobs you were interested in, and get a member of staff to arrange an interview for you. Just like that."

"Dress codes were more formal and you actually had to go to work. If you worked in an office for the right company work finished Friday lunchtime when you'd go with your colleagues to the pub. You'd go back after the 'liquid' lunch hour and work Friday afternoon, but no sh*t got done and work piled up for Monday."

"You got paid either direct debit, cash or if you were unlucky by cheque. You had to deposit your cheque in the bank or building society and wait for the cheque to clear, usually four days, but sometimes 10 days. If you got paid cash you'd get it in a small brown envelope known as a wage packet which listed all deductions on the outside. It still felt good to tear open the wage packet and take out the cash."

- ElvishMystical

The Value of Employees

"That you chose a career, and you worked for an employee, and they valued your experience. You rose in the ranks of your profession, you became a valued team member, and you stayed until you retired."

"Changing jobs often is frowned on; if you make a job commitment, you follow through on it. People get bothered and quit/move/change really quickly now. That's not necessarily bad, but it has created a gap in expertise; everyone is new all the time, and there isn't any value in having experience."

"If you happen to be an elder in your field with some level of legacy knowledge; it doesn't seem to matter because your boss is likely younger than you and less experienced."

"There used to be jobs what you did to get paid and live, and careers, what you did because you wanted to invest time into being good at something, AND that was how you made a living."

"Moreover, you went to school to be in a career. So you put time and energy into attaining your job, therefore you'd want to stay in it and grow. In theory."

"I'm not sure anyone cares about being in a career anymore. Because we all feel so betrayed by the system; wages not keeping up with COL, inflation, (and inflation subsiding and prices staying high because it's what the market will bear), and when everyone is replaceable, then no one is an expert."

"I'm GenX. I work in healthcare. I work in a broken system that no one actually wants to fix. Those of us working in this system are now just grist for the mill. It's too bad because we spent a lot of time and money going to school to be able to work in our chosen field."

"In contrast, my mom was also a nurse. She had a career. She worked in it until she was 70 and retired. She worked with a team that mostly stayed the same, over decades. I don't work with anyone I started with at my job six years ago."

- bunnehfeet

Business Phones

"People used to answer their business phones."

- BornFree2018

"Oh my god, work landline numbers. I never see those anymore. I don’t even have a phone number in my email signature at work anymore."

"And business cards used to be such a big deal. I used to get really excited to see my name and title in print. I would always send my parents one when I got a new job. What a dork!"

- ptpoa120000

What Work-Life Balance?

"There was a lot more understanding back in the 80's and 90's that each employee had a life outside of work, and work would end at 5:00 PM. You could leave work and go do something that you liked, maybe a martial arts class or some learning workshop somewhere."

"There were no phone calls. Text messages and email hadn't happened yet. Pagers were rare. People were in better shape. They had time to workout and were encouraged by their bosses to go do something to keep in shape."

"These days, it's the opposite. There's no encouragement from your boss or your coworkers other than to just work around the clock. You're never 'off.' Emails, text messages, Slack messages, video calls, and 'tickets' from your company's internal issue tracking system come in at all hours of the day."

"You're tracked in every way possible these days. You're given impossible deadlines. It now takes incredible willpower to break free and 'sneak' away to go workout. You're exhausted all the time, so you lose the desire to workout. You just want sleep."

"Instead of meeting up with friends somewhere for dinner, you are happy to just get home, get something hot to eat from your microwave, and numb yourself by watching YouTube and Reddit."

"What you do now during your downtime is very low quality and is just done to unwind from the stress that follows you no matter where you are. They call this Flex Time, and its purpose is ostensibly to give you the ability to walk away from your work and go enjoy life. Funny."

- mhv64sj

New Measures of Success

​"Working for a company for many years was seen as honorable and a sign you were a good worker."

"Now it’s viewed as someone complacent, scared of change, and stupid for not salary hopping."

"I don’t disagree, though; I’ve been at my company for a long time and it’s anything but complacent and always changing."

- MysteryMeat11

"This is why we in-betweeners especially (between gen-x and millennial) have been conflicted and confused about it all. We were raised by older boomers and heard it's best to stay with companies because it looks bad on resumes to not and can even affect your buying things like houses and cars."

"But then when we did, we were let go during times like the recession and cutbacks having to start all over again, on top of not getting raises like the new hires and then confused because we were told staying and being loyal looked good and led to success."

- fidgetypenguin123

A Literal Paper Trail

"Paper. Lots of paper."

"Before email, there were people (secretaries or admins) who would take a memo someone printed out on their computer, make physical copies, and either walk around to every executive’s desk, or put into inter-office mail. This memo could be to a few people, one person, or for a general announcement needed to go to everyone."

"For expediency, these memos would also be posted in public areas (lunchroom, messaging board) if it was a general notice. These memos were often routed from the head manager throughout the department if it was more for general information."

"We once had a wave of new hires (about 20 people in our company of 400) and each got their own announcement. So, 20 people and 50 copies was two reams of paper. Copied. Hand carried or inter-department mailed. For one set of announcements."

"Oh, and each department admin had their own routing slip (small piece of paper with each person in the department’s name) that was stapled to the announcement. When you got the memo, you read it, crossed your name off, and gave it to the next person on the list."

"That’s where 'they must not have gotten the memo' comes from."

- UncleGizmo

It's interesting to look back on how things have changed. While some things have definitely improved, like improved safety precautions and more relaxed attire, other things like a sense of work-life balance have certainly declined.

If people were able to choose their working conditions, it'd be interesting to see if they'd choose today's working conditions or a different work-life balance...