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Husband No Longer Wears Wedding Band After Honeymoon Phase, And Wife Seeks Advice On How To Broach The Topic

You're my property! Show them!

Redditor u/xcxc6879 has found herself in a marital issue that she needs some help with. She posted... My husband (26m) never wears his wedding ring anymore and it makes me (25f) sad. 


My husband and I got married a bit more than a year ago after dating for 10 years. He's truly the love of my life and I'm so thankful that I was able to find the one so soon. On top of that, we're also best friends and everything about our relationship is just so perfect and understanding. We complement each other so well.

However, since about four to five months after our wedding, he started wearing his band less and less. At first it was just on the weekends when he would forget to put it on (he always takes it off to sleep) and then it got to the point where he stopped wearing it all together. I've talked to him about this and asked him why and he told me that it was "uncomfortable" for him and he always fidgets with it. He's also apparently afraid to lose it because he constantly fidgets with it and it's "a bit loose" on him. I do notice that he sometimes likes to play with the ring like twist it and slide it on and off. However, we did get the ring fitted to his finger and I don't think he's lost any weight at all since the wedding so I doubt it's that loose.

He never wears the ring to work either. The only times he'll put it on is if we're going out to an event or visiting family. It's looking to me like he feels like it's an obligation to wear the ring and not something he enjoys or wants to do, if that makes any sense. The only redeeming factor in all of this is that he still wears this necklace made out of amethyst that I made him when I went through a jewlery-making phase when I was 18. He wears it every single day and doesn't even take it off to shower. That makes me all melty and happy inside and I guess sometimes it overshadows him never wearing his ring.

My husband works as a software engineer and I know most, if not all of his co-workers know that we're married so I doubt he's trying to hide the fact that we're married to anyone at work. I am also very sure this is not a fidelity issue. He is one of the most trustworthy and honest people I know and I've basically grown up with him and know him better than anyone.

Everything else is wonderful. We're renting a great place in a great city (but we're looking to buy soon), I'm starting my final year of med school, and he's just received a promotion a couple weeks ago. It's just this one thing that makes me upset and sad.

I'm not really sure how to approach this topic anymore. I've talked to him about this multiple times and it's always just been "it's uncomfortable", "it doesn't fit well", "I'm afraid to lose it/I always fidget with it". Could there be an underlying cause that I'm completely missing? I would really appreciate an outsider's look in on this. Thanks.

Forgot to add that I wear my wedding band and engagement ring every single day and I'm always happy and proud to see it on my finger.That is quite the situation. Now some of us may find no issue with that and others are definitely in the "Hell to the NO camp!" Everyone is entitled to their opinions and people certainly had a few things to say. Turns out this isn't as one sided of an issue as you might automatically think.

How's the fit?

Maybe the ring is truly just uncomfortable for him/loose fitting and he's worried he might lose it. I'd tell him how much it means to you and perhaps suggest buying an alternative silicon ring that is less expensive and more comfortable.

Herml660

Great advice, thank you! I don't think I've really stressed how important and meaningful to me wearing a ring is to him yet. My parents never loved each other and were miserable, but stayed together for my sake. They never wore their rings except for big events/to see family so I guess it's a bit of a sore spot for me when I see that my husband isn't wearing his.

xcxc6879

Compromise?

What if he put the ring on the necklace?

halfascoolashansolo

I've had that thought for myself (wearing a ring is a hard-no for me), but then I'm pretty sure people would think I'm a widower.

Alt_For_Shitposting

Make it art! 

My dad hated wearing his ring so he got one tattooed on his ring finger. Its a subtle little decorative design around his finger, but he has to get it touched up every couple years.

DarkFox56

I did this too. My now-wife and I dated for several years before getting married last year. I've never been into hand jewelry and I'm bad about losing little things like that so we decided that I would try wearing a cheap silicon ring. It didn't go great. I lost two of them in the first few months and always found myself fidgeting with it. I got frustrated and decided to get a simple black line tattoo on my ring finger. It's been a great compromise. I get to have a symbol that signifies my dedication to the relationship and I don't have to remember to put it on every day when I wake up.

throwpornbrub

Stop fidgeting... 

To give you a different anecdotal perspective, my parents have been happily married for more than 30 years, and my dad has never regularly worn his ring. He's a fidgeter and has lost three of them, and just can't wear jewelry.
My mom only takes her set off when doing dishes and art projects. I asked her about it once and she said she felt insecure about it at first and talked to him about it, and he tried really hard with several rings and just couldn't do it. Eventually she realized it wasn't about the symbolism for him.

But I've noticed they do hold hands in public a lot and other sorts of very mild PDA like touching her arm and feeding her from his fork to taste his food, so I think they've just found other ways to affirm their relationship publicly.

Ambystomatigrinum

Don't overthink it...

Hey, I don't want this to take away from you feeling that your husband wearing his wedding is important, because that's perfectly valid, but I just wanted to share that my parents have been married 30 years, are perfectly happy, and neither of them ever wear their wedding rings. They just don't feel like it. In fact, they haven't worn them for as long as I can remember.

mshtrtz

Know the facts...

Your husband does not wear the ring to these events to keep up appearances like your parents did. He has his own reasons. Maybe he does it because he sees it as jewelry, something fancy he wears to dress up for you. Or maybe he wears it because he thinks you want him to wear it at these events and he's trying to make you happy. Or another reason. Can you ask him? "husband, why do you not wear the ring daily but still wear it to family events?"

I think once you know his motivation behind it, his reasons will overwrite the sad memories of your parents.

caused_a_sparky

You are not your parents...

Do keep this in mind. You cannot allow past history to dictate what you do now and I know that's a hard thing to do. Your husband is not your father and you are not your mother. There is love❤️ Too often that's how fights and arguments and bitterness start between couples they allow a bad past incident to dictate how they decide to act in the present and it's just not healthy. Our premarital counselor hit on this and I thought it was great advice.

justhewayouare

Some a small issue... for some... 

After reading your post and seeing you say he's a programmer, then reading this part about you thinking about your parents marriage when you see his naked ring finger... I'm thinking this is more your head making you think there's a problem with his love for you, and not an actual problem with his love for you.

I think you should really tell him how much you care about the ring, because it doesn't sound like you have yet - but please do go to therapy for yourself to deal with the actions of your parents and prevent that from becoming a problem in your own marriage.

My husband's a software engineer, too - and I honestly couldn't tell you if I've even seen his wedding ring in the last year. I don't currently know where my engagement ring is, either (which is actually upsetting me right now because it's awesome and I suck at remembering where I've put things, but I'm only worried about it because I think I've lost it and I'm trying to figure out where it is - not because he cares about me not wearing it). He also fidgets with his ring often when he does wear it, and because it's the only ring he's ever worn he's often complaining about how it fits and feels like it's going to fall off, and he gets anxious that he'll lose it and will upset me by not knowing where it is, or he'll tell me he thinks that I'll think he's cheating on me if he loses it and comes home without it on and I notice it's missing (this is actually how we had the conversation where we figured out neither of us really care about the actual rings themselves).

I guess my point is that the physical rings really don't matter at all when it comes to the marriage itself. Whether his finger is naked or has the ring on it doesn't matter to me, and never has, because he's what matters to me. I'm not trying to imply that you don't love him - I'm trying to get you to see that you do love him, and he loves you, and that's what you should be focused on.

What it sounds like is that you're basically happy and enjoying your awesome life, but getting distracted and finding fault with something where there is no problem. I'm suggesting therapy because you have seen a crappy marriage and it seems you're being triggered by this symptom of a bad marriage that you saw in your parents marriage, even though it doesn't exist in your marriage.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, I really don't mean to sound like I'm blaming you or anything. I'm just trying to point out something that looks pretty obvious based on what you've said in your post and comments, that might not seem that obvious to you when you're in the middle of it).

justarandomcommenter

The material could be the thorn... 

I will say, titanium and especially tungsten rings are horrible if you're in an accident. Jaws-of-life can't cut through tungsten, and titanium's sorta 50/50, so if you're in an accident and your hand swells... that finger will need to be cut off before the ring because otherwise it's a gangrene and infection risk.

RainbowPhoenixGirl

Be direct and simple...

Tell him what you need in simple terms.

"I need to feel secure in our marriage. When you don't put on your wedding ring, it reminds me of my parents terrible marriage where they never wore their rings and it makes me sad. I'd really appreciate it if you could make an effort to wear it everyday."

This is an effective way to say it, but understand one thing: You are asking your husband to change his behavior to deal with your own issues and insecurities. Since he clearly loves you so much, I'm sure he will accommodate, but it is inevitable he will feel a tad resentful. If he does start wearing the ring more often, be sure to mention to him (often!) how grateful you are that he is willing to change his routine to make you happy.

cstrife32

REDDIT

People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley

Remember

"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt

Imagination

"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."

RedditbOiiiiiiiiii

"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."

monobarreller

Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."

– GTFOakaFOD

"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip

Yikes!

"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User

"Oh."

– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"

Sensations

Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."

PeachesnPain

Recovery

"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."

good_golly99

Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."

rayrayrayray

Free

The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."

TooReDTooHigh

This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.

Shocked

Giphy

"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."

Admirable_Buyer6528

The SOB

"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”

1-cupcake-at-a-time

Colors

"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"

Hannah_LL7

"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"

huntokarrr

The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."

Fluffy-Hotel-5184

Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."

Hot-Refrigerator6583

Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.

Shopping

"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.