Husband Disapproves Of New Mom's Salsa Classes And Refuses To Watch Baby If She Goes, And The Internet Can't Even
A woman's partner refuses to watch their baby when she goes salsa dancing, even though he goes out drinking and partying.
Reddit shared its thoughts on this stunning display of insecurity and hypocrisy.
You can read beatchatta's story below.
I've been married for 3 years and we have a 15 month old. We have been together for over 10 years.
When we dated earlier on and had a big break up when I started salsa and fell in love it. I was quite young then so when we got back together, although he tried a couple of classes with me, he didn't feel the same. I did some more classes off and on but then i eventually stopped going. I thought why would i keep this up if my partner won't even dance the dance with me. At the time I only did the classes and didn't feel confident enough to stay and do social dancing.
Not continuing was always something i regretted. I get really sad when i hear salsa and bachata music as the music transports me to another place and also reminds me I didn't continue to learn the dance.
The first 10 months of having the baby was tough as I just stayed at home, finding it very hard to leave the house and organizing things to bring for the baby if I did take the baby out.
My partner also still continued his social life going out to friends places drinking and coming home late. In essence, although he is a great father, having a baby didn't have a major impact to him as he did to me. There were times when he came home at 3 to 5 am in the morning from drinking at his friends place. I was home with my baby alone on New Years eve as I did not want to bring the baby out late and I knew he would want to stay out. there are many functions i would not go to as I don't like to drive home alone with the baby and know that my partner would not like to leave the event early with us.
My partner did not do anything different and continued his exercise regime even picking up an extra activity. There was one stage were he had something on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday and was about to pick up an extra thing on Wednesday when i finally put my foot down. Tuesday and Thursdays are now my time to do what i want whether it be catch up with friends or an activity.
I was ready to finally do something that was for me again and didn't want to do a gym activity.
I wanted to do salsa primarily again. So i started going. The classes i went to was in a night club. The classes ran both salsa and bachata. My partner did say "I don't know if i feel ok with this" but I said i really want to do this, not the gym. It will make me find me again.
I've started to feel so great'again and happy that I've picked up this ''hobby." I felt a sense of annoyance that i let myself drop this as I could of been a lot better from the last 4 years if I continued on but i was determine to make up for lost time.
I've only gone to classes for 6 times and the last two classes I started going home later as I began social dancing which was so much fun and I could understand that this was what i did wrong earlier on when i started to dance.
This week I came home just after midnight and my partner was pretty annoyed with me. He asked why I was out so late and I said I was social dancing. The music after the class finished also didn't start so we were waiting around for 20 minutes to get some dancing in.
Two days later, i decided after watching many you tube videos and googling classes in the area that I wanted to pick up some more specific bachata classes to really clean my basics and do it properly. I asked my partner if he would be home from work early enough so I could see if I could do it on the day the class would be held. He was angry that it was bachata' and said he thinks I should ""calm down a bit". It was a no nonsense - No that is enough discussion close - kind of response in a loud angry tone.
i feel like this is happening again (stopping classes) and I will regret this. I know I will.
i tried to talk to him again later on so that he would understand if I was to drop this - this is a big thing as I just reignited my passion again.
i feel like I am in mourning/grieving. He said why can't it be enough for me when he said 'he wasn't comfortable with this'.
His view is that
- he isn't comfortable with me 'grinding'on other men and
- he won't look after our baby when im out doing these dance blocks dancing with strangers.
- he said ive gone from doing classes to doing these big dance sessions.
- he says that he doesn't want to invite things to happen into our lives.
- what is going to happen in two years
I've tried to talk to him and explain that yes while there is maybe some sleazy guys. Primarily everyone just loves dancing and wants to practice.
He said would i be okay if on other foot and i said absolutely. I would be more than happy if he came with me. there are married couples and couples that go separately. and then he justified it by saying I'm not talking about those people. I'm talking about us.
I've also explained that bachata isn't really that close as he thinks it is more knee to knee at this learning stage and perhaps a hair comb which is done in salsa anyway. He got angry again and said that he has seen his friends do it and it is close!
i feel like he has punched me in the gut when he said "í dont know why we stopped dancing before (when we did try the classes) and now its too hard because we have a baby. We stopped because he didn't like it and it was a chore for him.
i have tried to compromise and said - okay when we are closer to our parents (as we are moving in 8 months) - will he do classes with me then as i would love that he come with me or is this just something to say to appease me for now.
he then said - ïf i really want to do it - (like again it was a chore not because he wanted to). but he doesn't know how he will respond and doesn't think he can handle seeing me dance with another guy. he said what if he was dancing with another girl and i said - yes if it was salsa/bachata setting as oppose to a club, i will be fine with it as it is the dance. He still thinks that we are inviting something sinister into our lives. He said that he is feeling really insecure (which I was pretty surprise he would feel that let alone say that).
I dont know what to do. i just feel like im in mourning and im making the same mistake again. I said this to him and he said Ï told you from the beginning that i wans't comfortable with this. Basically - its my fault for lighting the flame when he told me he wasn't comfortable with me going .
He is usually so trusting as he is always fine with me going out dancing with my girlfriends until the early morning. His close family member almost cheated on her husband 4 months back and that really floored my husband so i know this may has also made him extra insecure.
i do recognize that a lot of partners would not be comfortable with there partners dancing but thats why i was feeling so great and balanced as i had a trusting husband who let me do something i really loved.
If i was to give us salsa/bachata again i want him to recognize what a big sacrifice this was and not a done deal because he said so. His logic is why am i giving this up for him and not for myself and our family as i am now a wife and mother.
i don't want to be a cliche and say if something was to happen with the relationship in the future, kick myself and know that i didn't continue to dance salsa and bachata for someone.
I guess my question after the long rant (thank you for reading) is - is it fair enough for my husband to ask me me to stop doing salsa and bachata?
Is there a way for me to feel more better about giving it up and being resentful? Not by taking another hobby - but having my husband recognize that this is a big deal.
In relationship for 13 years+. stopped dancing early on for relationship and have always regretted it. Started again after having a baby but husband wants me to stop. feel like i am in mourning or grieving this part of me as it really gave me back my spark and made me feel like an individual and not a wife or a mother.
Double standard much?Giphy
Your husband is staying out multiple times a week drinking (and doing god knows what) till 3am while you're at home with a baby and is getting mad that you're dancing
For all you know he could be cheating on you, grinding up against girls, insert whatever paranoia he applies to you here. And yet he's allowed to do that.
Do you hear that? It's the sound of a double standard smacking you in the face.
The husband is desperate for control, and it's dangerous.Giphy
OP, do not give up on your dream of dancing and having a perfectly normal and healthy social and active life that you need for your own emotional health. Do not end up like my mother, who is now in her late 60s and is brainwashed but also very aware of how much she missed out on and has become quite bitter.
My dad did the exact same thing to my mom. Whined, bitched and moaned and made her feel terribly guilty whenever she wanted to engage in a harmless, normal hobby that made him insecure. Whined when she joined a gym, so she joined an all female gym. He then complained and whined that the aerobics teacher was male, so my mom stopped those dance classes she loved. Then he obsessed that "lesbians in the female gym" just HAD to be checking my mom out because she was looking prettier and fitter.
He controlled her life. It was awful and she caved. Every single time she wanted to better herself he was terrified she'd get too confident and leave him. She had no intentions of leaving him, zero history of flirting or cheating, 100% loyal. Same when she wanted to take community college classes. He was so negative and whined about her not being home two nights a week for a few hours so she caved and quit.
He ended up building her a goddamn home gym with heavy blinds on the windows. And she has holed herself up in that gym. No more dance classes. He's isolated her from her fun, outgoing female friends. I'm talking about responsible, married women who had interesting, active lives, most with young kids, who got together for coffee once or twice a week. That intimidated him too.
I asked her many times why she was just caving to his insecurities. Reminded her that she was missing out on what she loved, on the dancing and socializing that was necessary for her and her character, just because he has crazy, unfounded, out of control insecurities.
She told me (with an utterly broken look) "when you really love someone, you learn to make sacrifices." That's how she justified it in her mind. (She also tried using this manipulative tactic on me when I became an independent adult and bought my own motorcycle, or dated a guy they didn't like, or didn't have a religious wedding, etc.)
You realize his behavior will only get worse, right? That this all stems from his deep insecurities. Please do not end up like my mom. She told me he was so impossible to deal with. Never was there a threat of violence, just emotionally exhausting, manipulative complaining, rule-setting, acting hurt that she "needed" to do these things", questioned why she wanted to dance and made her feel like she was doing something wrong, all of which is emotionally abusive behavior. Over the years she morphed into two personalities - the little girl, obedient personality when around him, and the outgoing, strong woman when he's not around. Its obvious to everyone.
Get to couple's therapy. Do it for your marriage, for you and for your kids. Make no mistake - your husband will have those same insecurities as your kid gets older. Once your child starts developing their personality and character and is no longer the kid that worships everything their parents do, your husband is going to lose it again and get unreasonably controlling with the kid.
This can ruin relationships and families. My dad let my brother do whatever he wanted, but as the female the rules were different and I was expected to be some nun. My mother became insanely jealous of me when I started up ballet as a kid and made me quit pointe the day after my first class (I will never forget the look of rage on her face when I was getting fitted for pointe shoes. Not until I was an adult did it click that she was angry because that had always been her dream but she let it go.) My mother was jealous that I put my foot down and insisted on doing what I wanted, such as riding a motorcycle, which was another one of her secret dreams she didn't even dare mention to him as she knew his reaction would be crazy. So, when I did those activities, she resented me and it fucked up our relationship for life.
After decades of my mom obeying my dad and normalizing his behavior, he also could not accept that I would perhaps have different desires or ideas for my life. My brother, who had a free pass for everything, thinks controlling a woman is normal. My mother is broken and does nothing she loves and has no friends. And I have no contact with my family, as I could no longer bear the screaming and guilt trips that I was a selfish daughter for not doing what my parents wanted.
I know it sounds dramatic. But get this insecurity of his under control now while you still can. He also needs to wake the f*ck up and start being a parent, not a resentful babysitter.
Maybe a compromise can be reached?Giphy
I dance bachata and salsa (and another WAY more sensual dance), and I love it.
It is not fair of your husband to ask you to stop entirely, and honestly he does not come off well at all in this post. A loving husband would have recognized that this brings you joy, and would be happy you've found something that gives you such a spark, and would've been DYING to find compromises.
So in case he's just a bit unimaginative, I want to give you some compromises I've seen a number of dancer/non-dancers couples used and that have worked.
1) You only do salsa, and sit out ALL the bachata songs.
2) You only do salsa, and sit out all the *sensual*-style bachata songs (so you'd dance dominican style or other styles of bachata, which are fast & more like salsa in terms of how much physical contact there is, nothing that looks grinding ish).
3) You start a different type of social dance altogether. West Coast Swing is pretty awesome, by the way.
4) You both set a *reasonable* curfew that is CLEAR, allows you to get at least 2 hours of social dancing in, and no guilt-tripping allowed for sticking to the curfew. This is YOUR time.
If NONE of these options work for him, or he doesn't seem eager to find another compromise, then it's not an issue with the dance.
If you tell him this hobby makes you feel alive and more like yourself, and this is his reaction...? The issue is he is so insecure and so eager to preserve his own way of life that he's willing to keep you miserable and homebound. The issue is he is selfish and doesn't care much about your happiness... I'm sorry. And I swear to you, if he is a guy like this, you'll start noticing other ways in which he just doesn't even think about your needs/time/decisions as he goes about his life. Is he always late? Does he seem to still think of your lives as his life/your life? Are you guys a team or are you always having to nag/negotiate etc.?
There is no way for you to give up dancing completely, without you feeling like he's sucked the life out of you, because that is precisely what he is doing.
Dancing doesn't have to be about sex.Giphy
I find it interesting that it would only be when she goes dancing that she would be inclined to cheat... If she wanted to cheat there are easier ways than practicing your dance moves. I have seen more hook ups while out drinking with friends till 3am than out dancing batchata/salsa.
But I do understand the feeling when the other person doesn't like or enjoys this hobby. They don't understand that we don't focus on the sexual at all. In fact it is the last thing on our mind.
With that being said. There are a lot of social gathering or social dancing that isn't necessarily happening at nightclubs. Sunday afternoon or Saturday afternoon. I've seen that in different cities. Maybe you should check it out. Often the good dancers will be there and a lot more serious dancing happens!
Hope this helps...
He needs to get over himself.Giphy
Never let your partner limit or control what you can do in your free time. Tell him to get help for his trust and control issues, because those can get really damaging in the long term.
Establish boundaries and stick to them.Giphy
This man is selfish and controlling. If you cave, he will not be satisfied; he'll find something else to take from you, and something else. Controlling people look for new things to control. Selfish people are never satisfied with what they have. You can either become smaller and smaller and smaller and still never be small enough for him, or you can draw your boundaries now.
I vote the latter, way more healthy.
You have a right to dance.Giphy
As a person heavily involved in social dance, I say you keep on dacning. I've known people who gave up dance for their partners, and they've all regretted it.
You very clearly don't want to give it up.
i feel like this is happening again (stopping classes) and i will regret this. i know i will.
So Say "No."
He said that he is feeling really insecure (which I was pretty surprise he would feel that let alone say that).
Why are your husband's feelings of insecurity more important to you than your right to engage in social dance?
Stop prioritizing his nonsense and make it clear that he needs to get past his insecurity. The method needs to respect your right to dance.
Don't accept his nonsense.Giphy
It's messed up that you've accepted the fact that he yells at you.
Especially because he's clearly in the wrong.
How many people do you know battling addictions?
According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM), addiction is "a treatable, chronic medical disease involving complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment, and an individual's life experiences. People with addiction use substances or engage in behaviors that become compulsive and often continue despite harmful consequences."
Hearing from those who have battled addictions––and come out the other side––can be remarkably eye-opening, as we were reminded once Redditor YoshBotArmy asked the online community,
"People who have beaten an addiction... what's your secret?"
"I'd then check off..."
"Alcohol. The "one day at a time" approach was too much. I made a chart with a 24 hour day broken up into 15 minutes. For example: 8:00-8:15. [ ]
8:15-8:30. [ ]
8:30-8:45. [ ]
I'd then check off a box for every fifteen minutes I didn't drink. This really boosted my confidence because although I may have only gone two hours without drinking, my brain focused on the 8 boxes I checked off.
Minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days, etc.
It's now been 8 years."
"You need to want to quit..."
"You need to want to quit, otherwise, it will be a fight against yourself. I quit smoking about 15 years ago after being a smoker for like 18 years. I decided to quit several times but never stuck, always found a reason to fall back into the habit. One day my 4yo daughter told me that she was going to find a way to save me from cancer because smokers are bound to get it. After that, I couldn't stand cigarettes anymore and quit within the week. Never again. I wanted to be there for my girl more than anything else."
"The lesson to take away from this..."
"I realised my binge eating was due to a general lack of self-control. I developed bulimia (exercise is my poison) trying to counteract it, and I still struggle with that.
I struggled with it for years and tried everything under the sun to stop it. It wasn't until I started practicing Stoicism that I started seeing life differently. Then a couple of years into that, I overheard a colleague say "it's all about finding balance" in a conversation about the challenges life throws at you. That quote stuck with me for about a year until I realised I have no sense of balance because I used to be an extremely black and white/all or nothing character.
It's now been 2 years since I completely stopped binge eating, and it was all due to having that epiphany. Took practice to get into good eating habits and a routine with meals but I'm all good now.
The lesson to take away from this - teach your children self-control and the ability to say no to themselves. My parents gave me everything I wanted so I had to teach myself this throughout my early 20s."
"That does not mean..."
"You have to learn to give yourself grace.
Relapses happen. I self-mutilate. I will do incredible for months. Then one negative thought can send me into a spiral and I harm myself.
That does not mean that I undid any of the hard work I had done up to this point. I acknowledge that I made a mistake, identify my triggers, and make an effort to start clear of them. Take a deep breath and try again."
A valuable observation.
"I kicked the habit..."
"I wasn't physically addicted to marijuana, but I had such a mental dependency on it that it was pretty much like being addicted. I couldn't function without it.
I kicked the habit by pursuing a girl. I really wanted to date her, and I didn't want her to know that I was actively smoking weed. I stopped smoking weed because I'd fallen in love with a girl. I'm now married to her, and I haven't smoked weed in over 4 years."
"The most important thing..."
"The most important thing I ever learned was not to fight cravings. I don't mean to give in and use when a craving strikes but for a long time simply feeling the craving was awful. I tried so much to avoid the feeling because I was scared of it.
I saw the suggestion to actually indulge the feeling and just let it wash over you. When I tried it, it was still uncomfortable to want to use but by letting myself feel the craving fully I was able to let it go and move on with my day more easily. Fighting the craving just made me suffer."
"I wore a rubber band..."
"I wore a rubber band around my arm and anytime I thought about my addiction, I would snap it and hurt myself. That way, I associated my addiction with pain and eventually broke my body's natural desire for it."
It turns out this has merit.
"I have no idea..."
"Coffee. I was a serious caffeine addict (like 12 cups a day), and one day for no reason I just woke up and ... didn't feel like having coffee. I've had maybe 5 cups of coffee in the 10 years since then.
I have no idea why it happened, but I haven't felt a craving for it in years. I wish that would happen for my other bad habits."
"I don't think..."
"I don't think it's a secret. Understanding the addiction. Knowing that it takes time for the chemicals in your brain to reset. Knowing it's gonna suck. Being prepared as best you can. Knowing it's going to be a battle."
"I'm not very far..."
"It was really taking a toll on my overall health and one day I woke up and said never again. I'm not very far into recovery and I've never been to a meeting or anything. I know I can't have it around me or I'll relapse."
We are proud of anyone who manages to beat an addiction and who can speak about their experience so candidly. And if any of you out there are struggling, we're rooting for you.
Have some of your own stories? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments section below.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
I'm just spitballing here, but it seems to me that pretty much that weapons of war are among humanity's worst creations. Sure: We live in an anarchic world. States can never be certain of another state's intentions. Conflicts are bound to break out. But in a perfect world––and a man can dream––none of this would be necessary.
It seems I'm not alone in this, either. People had opinions of their own after Redditor Questwarrior asked the online community,
"What was the worst human invention ever made?"
"Cheap and easy to make..."
"Landmines. Cheap and easy to make, but they remain active and people forget where they put them."
"Styrofoam. It's toxic, can't be recycled, and there are better alternatives."
It also sounds horrible when rubbed against another piece of Styrofoam. Torturous.
"Now idiots can connect to each other..."
"Social Media - It gave people the ability to find others and create echo chambers. Before, idiots were isolated to dealing with just a few in their immediate radius of existence. Now idiots can connect to each other across the world and validate their thoughts/feelings."
This is very true. We're seeing the consequences, aren't we?
Ain't built like they used to - because they can't sell you a newer model if the old one is still performing like new.
If companies didn't have this in mind we wouldn't be running out of resources and messing up the planet in search of more. This would create less conflict and way less pollution. Imagine companies actually making insanely good, long-lasting products instead of cheap ones that needs replacing more often than it should."
"Heroin destroys people's lives every day."
"As a medical student..."
"As a medical student, I basically see people every day whose lives have been wrecked by smoking. Kids and unborn babies get messed over by tobacco smoke. Stupid and plain evil."
A great film about the tobacco industry: The Insider (1999). Really makes you think about the cost we all pay for Big Tobacco.
"I can't believe..."
"The concept of Flat Earth. I can't believe people are still stuck in the seventeenth century and still believe in that crap and try to defend it with their misunderstandings of science and physics, as well as pure ignorance."
People believe the most ridiculous things.
"They exist solely..."
"Torture devices. They exist solely to cause harm."
"How am I going to pay you..."
"Overdraft fees. How am I going to pay you EXTRA money when I don't have money?!"
Human beings are capable of so much innovation, beauty, and joy, but threads like these remind us of all the horrors in the world. There's a lot of darkness in humans, too.
Have some of your own contributions to share? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Homelessness is an unfortunate and all-too-common occurrence in the world, particularly in the United States. Homelessness has grown to a huge degree, and while most countries have the resources to help their homeless, many choose not to.
It is also difficult to break the cycle of homelessness once you have entered it. It creates a never-ending loop of failed job searching, lost or stolen goods/items/things of value, and stigmatization by society. More often than not, homelessness is begotten by another condition wherein the state or country fails to provide resources--such as mental health.
"Ex homeless people, what are some things people don't know about the streets?"
Here were some of those answers.
A Sad Reality
"My stint on the streets was about six months and due to some bad decisions I made. But what sticks with me the most was the crushing boredom."
"No intellectual stimulus at all because it's safer to keep your distance from other homeless, and you're not going to have a chat with civilian out of the blue."
"So you're completely alone all the time. And to avoid putting yourself in risky situations you stay on the move as much as possible."
"Most cities you can get some day labor work for quick cash but then you have to be careful about people knowing you have cash. You're always on the lookout."
"The only sound nights sleep I ever got was when I could manage to scrounge up enough cash to get a room in a transient hotel for a night and basically pass out from exhaustion."
"Other than that you're sleep deprived most of the time. And of course all this is made worse if on the streets in winter."-HardALee99
The Worst Side Of A Woman's Life (TW: Rape)
"I'm a psychiatric RN who works with mostly homeless people."
"I have heard SO MANY TIMES where women who tested positive for meth have said they use it to stay awake 24/7 to avoid being assaulted by other homeless."
Lucky To Be Alive
"People can and often do develop PTSD from being homeless, especially in rough areas. BF was kicked out at 14 in what was, at the time, the heroin capital of the Northeast, and he very quickly realized that selling drugs was the easiest way to make sure he had food/water/shelter as someone under legal age to work."
"But bouncing from crackhouse to crackhouse— especially as a kid— creates this state of constant hyper-vigilance, possessiveness over your belongings, a lot of hoarding behaviors, etc."
"Basically you wind up living in survival mode the entire time so you don't get assaulted/arrested/kidnapped/shanked."
"To this day if you touch him while he's sleeping he freaks the f**k out. Loud noises at night freak him out, car engines outside, lights in the window, etc."
"He still sleeps better on a couch in the corner of the room than a bed, because 'at least then you have something at your back, makes it harder for people to surprise you.'"
"Nightmares, too. Just... a whole bunch of sh*t, some of which I won't get into because he's embarrassed by it. Here are a few of the choice events he went through, though, just in the first two years or so:"
"He's almost had his throat slit with a half a DVD, woke up with a fork in his chest from some crazy chick, had all his food stolen, even had somebody inject him with heroin against his will while he was sleeping. Sad to think about."
"He's off the streets now, kicked a drug addiction, found a good-paying job, and is about to go to college. But the damage being homeless for his adolesence/early adulthood did..."
"It's going to be a while before he really feels safe. Not to mention he feels like a failure going to college at 30, but... I mean, how many people could have gone through all the horrific sh*t he went through, lived to tell the tale, AND somehow managed to keep going and eventually recover?"-vishuual
Homelessness is even expensive for the country because it leads to more and more problems that resources have to be expended upon in order to deal with the mental health and physical trauma it causes.
Over And Over
"One thing that f**ked me up was my concept of time. Often I'd be up late as f**k trying to sleep and before I knew it, the sun's back up."
"You gotta plan your day differently to use the restroom and it's hard to even find anything 'normal' to do because there are so little resources."
"People don't realize that being homeless is a situation in which no one is really looking to help you to find a sustainable life. It's truly being otherized and ostracized until you die or miraculously get back on the work grind."-SuperDuperChuck
Not An Addict
"I guess the worst part for me was the lasting trauma."
"Sure walking around in sandals because it's all you have when it's raining sucks. Sure sleeping in public is terrifying. Yeah homeless shelters are packed out. Borderline impossible to get a job."
"But the worst part was realising I'd lost some fundamental part of myself and I wasn't getting it back. Innocence maybe?"
"But it's more than that, it's like that Lily Allen music video where she's walking around with rose coloured glasses but the audience sees what's real. Yeah well, you lose the glasses and you never get them back."
"There's nothing that fixes the trauma of knowing people who you thought were your friends or family were fully aware you had nowhere to go and didn't do anything about it."
"You can't fix that feeling of your best friend not returning your texts until you're back on your feet. Or the stares you get in the street when thousands of people walk past and don't stop."
"I'm physically ok now but I'll never see people the same way again. I don't know how to. I used to be a really sociable person and now I steer clear of most people. I don't trust anyone."
"Also as an aside, the people who were kindest to me were always working class. A construction worker who bought me lunch. A taxi driver who got me a blanket. Rich people treat you like utter filth and disappear ASAP."
"I was homeless due to domestic violence as well, but people just assume it must be drugs. I literally barely drink let alone use drugs, but in people's minds homeless = addict."-SunnydaleHigh1999
Stop Stigmatizing Homelessness
"The amount of 'ordinary' people there are that are homeless. I was homeless for about 6 months but you would have never known."
"I had job where I could make just enough to stay fed and get a gym membership. I kept all my clothes in the gym/ back room of the restaurant I worked at."
"I'd hide and sleep in the back office of the restaurant. A lot of homeless people have cars and can sleep in them."
"Gym memberships are the easiest ways to stay clean/ not look homeless. Once my boss found out I was homeless, he let me move into a room at a hotel he managed for free. That man saved my life."-SeamanTheSailor
Food Or Money?
"People seem to have this perception that food is the only thing a homeless person would need to use money on and so they will give food in place of money."
"While giving food is nice, it isn't some one-to-one replacement for money. Food can't help you get cleaned up for job interviews, for example."-CattyPlatty
And homelessness is caused by a number of things--most of which are failures of the government. There are enough vacant homes in the United States for every homeless person to have 6.
Policing Your Own Cleanliness
"What's really important is staying clean. But not so clean people won't give you money if you have to panhandle."
"Don't let people know where you sleep if you can help it."
"Don't take work offers alone, you never know what kind of sicko's there are out there, especially once they have you alone in their environment."-Tired_of_yer_ish
Read That Part Again About How Close You Are To Homelessness
"Former homeless person here (as a child and an adult) and someone who used to work helping folks who were unhoused due to violence get housing:"
"-You are more likely to become homeless than win the lottery. Most Americans (around 60%, that number has probably changed in the pandemic) are one missed paycheck away from homelessness."
"-As shared above, lack of quality jobs, affordable inventory (meaning not enough affordable housing), and integrative and trauma-informed heath care services are the leading causes that keep people unhoused."
"All this to say, you have far more in common with people on the street than you think you do. Please see them as people. I will never forget what it felt like to have someone's eyes slide right past me like I was invisible. "
"No one is expecting you alone to end homelessness, but you can give someone $10 for a laundromat or shower, or say hello."-AbolitionistCapybara
Why Is It Illegal To Have The System Fail You?
"I was homeless with my single mom at the age of 9. In the US it is basically illegal to be homeless but it is definitely illegal to be homeless and have a homeless kid."
"My mom was a great mom. We just hit a really rough patch in the 2008 financial crisis in the US causing my mom to lose her job."
"She could not get another one and we ended up living in her mini van. However she was always able to get me food and get me to school. I am not sure how she was able to keep our situation a secret but I was so ashamed of living in a car that I wasn't about to tell anyone about it."
"I think it is twisted that the government would rather place kids with strangers and give those strangers money to take care of the kid than to help that kids family find stability."
"Furthermore my boyfriend was in the foster system for a number of years and has a few horror stories from it. I feel lucky that I was homeless with my mother and that we were able to get out of that situation in comparison to what my boyfriend went through in his childhood living with abusive foster parents."-psychologicalfuntime
The bottom line is that homelessness is not the fault of the homeless. It is the fault of a system that criminalizes a lack of resources and support, especially in the USA, the wealthiest country in the world.
What would we gain by continuing to criticize and stigmatize homeless people across the country?
It's amazing what the legalities are from place to place. I live in New England, and in Connecticut, passengers are allowed to drink alcohol in the car, as long as they aren't driving. Weed isn't legal there, but open containers in the car? Totally fine. At least we have something to look forward to as we cross the border.
There are some truly strange laws depending on where you go. Here is a list of the weirdest ones.
Did you know that murder is allowed in certain instances, depending on where you go? Talk about scary.
I’m sure no one will test these laws.
Not sure how much of it is true. But apparently if the Swedes cross the border by walking over the ice given its frozen over, (which it hasn't in like more than 100 years) we are allowed to kill them.
The exact gates they have to be within are defined but I don't remember what they are.
Dying is illegal in France.Kate Mckinnon Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
Oh boy. France has some history and a love of regulation. Perfect mix for absurd laws. Quick examples:
It's still technically mandatory to have hay at home in case the king's horse is nearby and needs some... Horses have been a pretty rare sight, let alone kings.
A mayor made it illegal to die in his town. The initial problem was an overcrowded cemetery, but he kinda reached the wrong solution.
This probably isn’t enforced anymore.
There is a medieval law here that has never been repealed: all males over the age of 14 are required by law to practice longbow for at least two hours per week.
Some of these laws are so silly, they make you wonder what event happened that put them in place.
I think everyone has done this.
"Forbidden to pee in the ocean". I live in Portugal.
'Like a piss in the ocean' is literally a euphemism for something not mattering. What's the problem?
Tigers are fine, though.film history GIF by DiggGiphy
It's illegal to bring a lion to the movies.
Somebody better have a conversation with MGM.
You can't carry a salmon suspiciously.
"No officer, I was going to eat it later"
"Seems suspicious you were carrying it around in public. I'm gonna have to take you in for questioning."
What is the backstory here?
It's illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors here.
I know this is Pennsylvania, but I forget the exact reasoning, but I think it has something to do with homeless people.
These next few laws will definitely make you question these towns’ legitimacy when it comes to lawmaking.
Poor raccoons.raccoon stealing GIFGiphy
In Virginia, it's illegal to "hunt or kill any wild bird or wild animal, including any nuisance species" on Sundays. However, it is permissible to kill raccoons.
How the heck is this enforced?
I don't know if this is still a thing anymore, but in Texas it used to be illegal to own more than six dildos.
It's illegal to own any at all in Alabama unless the owner has a letter from a doctor claiming a legitimate medical need.
Granted, most of these laws were written a very long time ago. But it makes you wonder, what the heck were these original lawmakers doing? And what event happened that needed these laws to be enforced at all?
If some of these laws don't make you want to be a criminal, then I don't know what will