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Times are tough and that makes the job hunt even more of a "Hunger Games" situation. I understand needing to do everything you can to be the best you can be, so that you can be sure to rise above the rest, but let's not get carried away people. When constructing a resume there are literally thousands of online tutorials to choose from. Please seek them out. Rule #1... more is always too much.
Redditor u/Shimanu wanted everyone to listen to what is not useful on a job hunt by asking... HR personnel of Reddit, what's the most unnecessary thing you've seen in a resume?It is helpful to have extra, fascinating skills in life. That's what makes us all more interesting and fuller humans but you don't need to least every special skill. If you're applying to be a supermarket clerk, maybe don't mention you can name all of the world's capitols or that you can assist in the birth of cows. Let that be a surprise for parties later.
I think...
Described themselves as a "thought leader" for anime.
Visuals
I was shortlisting resumes for my boss, and came across one that was absolute freaking gold.
The position was for a tape operator at a television station.
The guy was an artist, I think. And his resume was a 31 page visual representation of his journey through life. Each page contained a moment in time that had shaped him into who he was as a man, as one of the Earth Mother's children, and as an artist.
There were pictures of his art, and it wasn't great.
Edit: there also wasn't a cover letter, or a contact email. And there was a lot of "the earth mother birthed me from her glistening bowels" kind of stuff.
To this day I don't know if he was serious... or if he was freaking with us and submitted it to get his application numbers up to meet his mutual obligation requirement for JobSeeker.
Smile
Not as bad as some of the ones here, but I once had a guy hand me a resume with smiley faces on it. Like the generic Microsoft version of 🙂 they were typed right in next to his previous experience. Like "cashier at Walmart 🙂." It wasn't actually Walmart. I just used that as an example because the experience that he listed was similar. It definitely wasn't a trademark. He also had it on one of his skills. something like "Good communicater 🙂" (yes, the resume was also filled with spelling mistakes)
Old McDonald?
The candidate proudly listed that they had (presumably self-) published a book of erotic poetry about a type of farm animal. They were applying for a professional office job that had absolutely nothing to do with poetry, or farm animals, or erotica.
Artistry
One candidate wrote "The lost art of letter writing" as an additional qualification.
Another submitted a hand drawn comic book. It was quite entertaining and well done.
A guy I interviewed once sent me a hand written thank you card. It definitely made him memorable, but not a qualification for the job, but I guess it could be for some job.
Now some of these people had to be drunk when they put those resumes together. At least I hope they were. Does no one ask for advice or research these situations before heading out into the professional world? I shudder to guess what else we're going to hear. Let's get at it...
Learn the other 60%...
I am going to spin this around. What wasn't written.
I interviewed a candidate and it turned out his one of his parents was Chinese and the other Indian. His English was fine and he claimed to be fluent in Mandarin and Hindi. It was pretty clear he wasn't getting the job (just didn't have the skillset needed) but I liked him so I mentioned "right the fact you can speak to about 40% of the human race might be something you want to put on your resume for next time instead of your love of baseball."
"Lusty"
My team was hiring and I met this woman at a party who sounded like she had the experience to do that job. I told her to send her resume to the hiring manager (small start up, easy to bypass recruiting). She did the next day.
The hiring manager came over to my desk with her resume printed out laughing. Apparently her nickname is Lusty.
OK fine whatever if you keep that in your personal life. But no, right at the top of the resume was Jane "Lusty" Doe. And her email address was lustylady@whatever or something similar. To cap it off, he Google'd her name and found her personal website where she had posted something about job hunting and what she was looking for: "
I really just want a job where I can put in minimal effort and not have any responsibilities." OK I mean. that's fine if you're looking to work at a gas station or something. This was a tech job paying in the high five figures. She had the skills, but that tainted it all and we never even did a phone screen.
After that I'll only recommend people who I've worked with in the past or that I've at least known for a long time. Was pretty embarrassing but we laugh about it now.
No Princes
Not in HR, but had to hire a couple people in the past. One of the applicants included that he was on his high school's homecoming court on his resume. Obviously, I didn't hire him. Dude wasn't even king.
Show off...
Once got a resume where they put down "stump removal with a chainsaw" as a special skill.
They were applying to be a cashier at a grocery store.
I've gotten some great gigs that way.
At least two of my fave clients were people who had interviewed me for something else and got excited about a different service/skill I've had to offer. I'm shameless about self-promotion because it pays off.
Now Bend & Snap
I actually had someone pull an Elle Woods and spray perfume on their resume. It did not get them an interview or into law school lol.
Rule #2... just stick with the facts. Keep it simple. Nobody likes a braggart. And most people hiring are already busy, if they want to read a novel they'll do it at home. And honestly, some of the things we can do extra, aren't all that interesting. Again... the facts.
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Ever take a look online?
It certainly feels like everything about the world, as of writing, is awful, terrible, and just downright no good. While there's positives out there to be found, don't purposefully overlook the subjectively bad stuff.
There's knowledge to be gained from this practice, so be sure to look at the dark and bleak facts of the world.
Reddit user, RefrigeratorDry495, wanted to hear some truly awful things when they asked:
"What are some simple yet incredibly disturbing/scary facts?"
Our lives are fragile, and important, so it's critical you keep an eye out for yourself. Odds are if you blink, you might end up another number within these stats.
The Stats Change On How Many Years It Takes To Solve
"1/3 of US murders go unsolved."
jdward01
"That’s a relief."
Lazerith22
"On average since 1965, sure, but in 2019 the solve rate was 58%. In 2020 it was 50%."
ak_doug
*peaks out the window
"If you live in a major city there is a nuke aimed at you"
Copious-GTea
"I live on the outskirts of a city in the top 100 American targets. Out of morbid curiosity I looked some blast radius maps when Putin said to get them ready. Anything smaller than the largest theoretical nuke ever designed (never built) puts me squarely in the "everything will be on fire but you'll probably survive the initial blast with severe burns if you're inside when it happens" so that was a fun night"
DontBotherNoResponse
On Your Feet, Soldiers
"Despite literally all war propaganda from every country saying otherwise, you are not going to make an individual impact in glorious battle and die valiantly in a hail of bullets. Statistically, you are overwhelmingly more likely to be killed by an explosive device launched miles away by a vehicle you will never see, long before you ever get a chance to pull the trigger."
grumpy_hedgehog
"Which, relatively, is such a new human experience. To quote Dan Carlin (Hardcore History) "I am fascinated by the extremes of the human experience."
"It used to be that a single, well trained, well armed soldier on a battlefield, who is physically imposing could single handedly turn the tide of a battle. The Romans used to fear the Gallic tribes to the north, because while the average Roman soldier was around 5'3-5'5, the average Gallic warrior was more like 5'10 to 6'. That used to mean something, EVERYTHING. I mean, I myself am 5'8, and I sure as hell wouldn't want to fight hand-to-hand combat with someone 6 inches taller and at least 30 pounds heavier than me if I was given the choice."
"In the modern era, it means jack sh-t. A 6 foot 200 pound soldier goes down to bullets and artillery all the same as his 5'6 comrades. Infantry combat from the American Civil War onward is just a glorified meat grinder. The winning side is the one with the most expendable soldiers, and no individual can change that anymore, at least not on a battlefield. Today, it's more about the technology than ever before, since the most technologically advanced countries are nearing being able to fight, and win, a war without ever having any actual boots on the ground. It's fascinating how far we've come in just a couple thousand years"
ItsDrap
Animals are walking encyclopedias or fascinating information, and we're all at the mercy of them if they decide one day they don't feel like eating the things they're used to eating.
In Short Supply Of Iron
"If given access to it, butterflies will happily drink blood."
Didsterchap11
Meat Is Good. Hard To Argue With That.
"Bored ducklings can become cannibals!"
nova777666
"The amount of animals that are opportunistic cannibals or even carnivores would shock some people."
Beezo514
"Yeah, there aren't a whole lot of actual herbivores in nature. Deer, horses, cows, and most other 'herbivores' love eating insects and other small animals when the opportunity presents itself."
Traditional-Ad3161
Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Back In The Water
"sharks have been around for at least 420 million years, meaning they have survived four of the “big five” mass extinctions. That makes them older than humanity, older than Mount Everest, older than dinosaurs, older even than trees. Yet we could potentially see them extinct in our lifetime"
LfcOsh
The world is an interesting place, and we'll keep on learning as the days go on. Whether it's about the human mind, or whether it's about the gigantic illusion we all find ourselves living in, it'll always be something to gain knowledge from.
Reading This Late At Night? Go To Sleep.
"Moving back the start time for school in an area resulted in 70% less car accidents."
"Similarly at each daylight saving, heart attacks and accidents decrease with an hour of extra sleep and increase with an hour less of sleep."
"Sleep is crazy important."
JamieBensteedo
Cotard's syndrome, also called "walking corpse syndrome," is a condition wherein the patient believes they are dead, dying, missing parts of their bodies, or don't exist.
Some people with Cotard's syndrome may stop speaking or eating since they believe they're dead.
Back2Bach
I would like to add its extremely rare and that most medical professionals will never encounter it.
SoulParamedic
When You Can't Trust The People In Front Of You
"Capgras Syndrome is a mental delusion where you believe that the people closest to you have been replaced by impostors"
KikiKiwii
"This will probably get buried in the amogus spam but the theory behind how it works is actually super fascinating, basically it turns out that there are two independent facial recognition processes instead of one, where one is subconscious and emotional and the other is conscious and objective; This is evidenced by research showing that people who developed facial blindness (a really interesting subject in its own right) due to brain damage would still subconsciously react to faces of people they had been familiar with before their condition, so essentially in FB the conscious level of facial recognition breaks down even if the subconscious level doesn't, but Capgras is the inverse of that where the conscious level remains intact but the subconscious level breaks down so you recognize that they're physically indistinguishable from the person you know but that emotional and familial connection with them that tells you that they are who they are just stops firing."
N0thingtosee
Maybe Humanity Was A Mistake
"Egyptian mummies wouldn’t be so rare today if the Victorian British hadn’t eaten most of them."
Heikold
"Wow, that was something I never knew or imagined. Thank you. History of Eating Corpses as Medicine"
NiccoMachi
Mmwah! Good Night, Everybody.
"You have no way of really knowing if everyone experiences reality and consciousness the same way you do."
catomi01
"You really have no way of knowing if you are experiencing "reality" at all. You could be a brain in a box, a delusional god, an alien's computer science experiment for their 4th grade science fair..."
Spong_Durnflungle
Don't let facts like this get you down. There is, you just have to go find it.
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It can be hard when a relationship has run its course, when there's no more gas left in the tank but you keep pushing the proverbial car forward hoping to reach your destination.
Sometimes you need to leave the car at the side of the road and keep making your way on foot. It's okay to ditch a bad relationship, and it'll be better for all parties involved in the long run.
You just have to know what signs to look for, and thankfully, the internet can provide a litany of examples.
Reddit user, Nonchalant_Calypso, wanted to know when the magic ended when they asked:
"What was the moment you knew your relationship was over?"
Your relationship should be something that brings you joy, on a near daily basis. If there's a repeated sense of dread then maybe it's time for a talk.
Knowing You Have To Spend Any Amount Of Time With Them
"When she came up on caller id and my first thought was 'Ugh.'"
LiterallyOuttoLunch
"I had a similar feeling in my first marriage. I'd come home, turn onto our street, see her car already in the driveway, and have the same feeling... 'ugh.'"
HumpieDouglas
When The Drama Is Never-Ending
"When you dread her name coming up on caller ID because you knew it was an argument about nothing. Don’t settle for an angry life."
sexychocolatethunder
When You Don't Smile Like You Used To
"I was at my best friend's wedding. When he saw his bride walking down the aisle, he had a grin so big it looked like it could have exploded right off of his face. He was so happy to be marrying this person. And when I thought about my, now-ex, gf I realized that I just didn't feel that way about her."
"I will say, when I married my wife, I was grinning like an idiot."
kitskill
When Your Day Night Is Awful
"When I realized I dreaded Fridays, our standard date night, and saw it as something I needed to get past before I could start enjoying the weekend."
Always_Trying01
Sometimes you look at a relationship through foggy lenses, unaware of how terrible your partner actually is.
Because once you realize it, wow, there's no going back.
When The Cheating Was Going To Happen Right In Front Of You
"My ex & I were not living together, but he had the key to my place. I told him that I was gonna go see my parents for the weekend, but then changed my mind last minute because I started feeling sick. I forgot to tell him & just went home after work & went to bed. I woke up around 10pm to get a glass of water & while I was in the kitchen I heard someone fumbling at the door with the lock. I freaked out because I lived on the 17th floor, so if it was a break in, I was f-cked. All of a sudden he walks in..... dragging a tipsy girl in behind him."
"I just stood there while he tried to make up some sort of excuse as to WHY he was there. The girl was pretty shocked too."
UrszulaG
When They SUCK
"When I was going through a miscarriage and he couldn’t take me to the ER because he was in fantasy leagues and football was on."
amadileirbeer
"Damn that goes way beyond just not loving you anymore and into worthless piece of sh-t territory."
Osirus1156
When They SUCK. Hard.
"She poisoned my cat 🐈 Mr Noodle"
"RIP"
"Edit: Thanks everybody for the support, and if you're asking: yeah I got the police involved"
GrumpaSpaceGoat
No one likes the talk, and even fewer people will act on it the moment they feel it, but what will hurt worse? The talk or letting your relationship reach these levels?
When You Fade From Their View
"You can see it in their eyes when they don't love you anymore."
"I'll never forget that feeling."
escape_of_da_keets
"You absolutely can. It's like they are looking past you, yet right at you.. ugg. It's terrible .. Been there a few times."
willevans1972
Cheating, Sure, But Completely Misreading The Situation
"The day my mom passed away (the coroner hadn't even come for her body yet) with zero consideration on how I felt and what I was going through my ex-fiancé thought it was great idea and a good time to tell me he has been cheating on me for the last 6 years, and how sorry he was for it."
"He wasn't sorry he did it, but he sorry because the other woman had lied to him about who she really was and he wanted me to comfort him because he felt betrayed by her...."
"When I promptly broke up with him, he asked "wait is this really goodbye?" how could you do this to me now?"
OpenRepair4390
When They Look For The Right Moment In The Wrong Time
"Yeah. Long time girl friend broke it off between us after my Father died. Basically, she felt since I would feel less grief then over us, as I was already feeling so bad about Pop's passing. I later learned, this happens a lot."
StatOne
Don't feel bad when it has to end. Think of it as a fresh start for you both and make the tough call.
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We all need a good laugh.
They are sorely missing these days.
Especially smart jokes.
So everytime I hear a good joke I try to write it down.
You know, so I can tell it at parties and pretend it's mine.
Redditor ReallySillyLily36 wanted to hear something to tickle the funny bone. So they asked:
"What is the smartest joke you've ever heard?"
I don't have anything off the top of my head. Help!
The waiter replies...
"Jean-Paul Sartre sits down in a cafe. The waiter comes over and Sartre says 'I'd like a cup of coffee with no cream, please.' The waiter replies, 'I'm sorry, monsieur, but we are out of cream. How about a cup of coffee with no milk?'"
DiogenesCantPlay
Oh the Farmer...
"A farmer challenges an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician to fence off the largest amount of area using the least amount of fence. The engineer makes his fence in a circle and said it is the most efficient. The physicist makes a long line and says that the length is infinite, and that fencing half of the Earth is the best."
"The mathematician thinks for a minute, then constructs a tiny fence around himself and says 'I declare myself to be outside of the fence.'"
binglebongled
Infinite
"An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one asks for a beer. The second one asks for half a beer. The third one asks for 1/4 of a beer. Before the next one can open his mouth, the bartender pours two beers and walks away."
diamond
Fire Breaks Out
"A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician or going on a trip. They go to a hotel and each get separate rooms. The mathematician can’t sleep and is looking out his window at the other two rooms. Suddenly a fire breaks out in the chemists room!"
"The smoke alarm wakes him, he sees the fire and he thinks about the chemical reactions at play. Knowing the reaction needs air he throws a blanket over the fire and puts it out. The mathematician is relieved. Suddenly, another fire breaks out but in the engineer’s room! The engineer is awoken and thinks about the proper way to handle it."
"He finds the correct fire extinguisher and correctly uses it to put out the fire. Again, the mathematician is relieved. The mathematician is tired and about to go to bed when all of a sudden a fire breaks out in his own room! Knowing that there are multiple solutions to the problem, the mathematician feels at ease and goes to bed."
latinomartino
Old Pavie...
"Here's an old one..."
"Pavlov was at the pub having a drink. A bell rang. Wide-eyed and alarmed, Pavlov stood up and exclaimed, 'Oh crap, I forgot to feed the dogs!'"
impolite_zebra
Pavlov never gets old. And dogs are always funny.
Eww...
"Some Germans are out drinking one night. As they’re walking home, one can’t hold it anymore and starts peeing on a tree."
"A woman walks by and says, 'gross!'"
"The guy says thank you."
K8isEnough
Werner
"While out driving, Werner Heisenberg is pulled over by the police for speeding. The cop says 'Do you know how fast you were going when I pulled you over?'"
"Werner replies 'No, but I know exactly where I was.'"
"The cop says 'You were driving 90 miles an hour.'"
"Werner replies 'Oh great! now we're lost!'"
proximalfunk
Time passes...
"A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting in a street café watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people entering the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people leaving the house. The physicist says, 'The measurement wasn't accurate.' The biologist says, 'They must have reproduced.' The mathematician says, 'If one more person enters the house then it will be empty.'"
damargemirad
Peanuts
"I got so drunk in the bar last night things started talking to me. The peanuts said I was lovely and then the cigarette machine called me a prick. I asked the barman what's going on? He said the peanuts were complimentary and the cigarette machine was out of order."
chillywilly00
Words
"I have the world's worst thesaurus. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible."
demanbmore
A good working with words is always a smart choice.
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Hate is never a good thing.
But everyone once and a while we can't help ourselves.
There are just some things in life that deserve no love.
We don't want to hate because it's unhealthy for us personally to carry it around.
But giving it to something worthy can be freeing.
Like airplane ticket fees. Okay, I'm angry now.
Redditor IssaHunna wanted everyone to discuss all the things being shown justifiable rage. They asked:
"What’s gets a lot of hate, but deserves every bit of it?"
Also... hurricanes. I hate hurricanes. I've survived too many.
Liars
"Tabloids. I’m amazed that they’re still allowed to exist considering how much bullcrap they publish."
RonskyGorzama
Rip Off
"Scammers that rip off old and poor people."
By_Testing
"I’ve been going through my grandparent's mail (grandma went through a mail hoarding phase at the end) and the sheer amount and types of old people scammers is mind-blowing - people are f**king shameless!! I can’t just chuck it all out either because there are random blank checks, insurance info, etc interspersed with everything - like grandma was signing checks left and right for anything and everything."
josefinanegra
Wasted Seconds
"Non-skippable video ads."
"That freaking five-second warning is the bane of my existence. Way to snap me out of my flow state. They should just get the ad playing immediately, so I can waste 5 seconds of my time instead of 10, 5 on the ad, 5 on feeling pissed that there's an ad about to come."
sacrivice
"Don't forget unmutable, non-skippable video ads. It's what ruined angry birds since I cant safely play it in the crapper at work now."
NotPoliticallyCorect
We Hate U!
"Cancer."
D-Rez
"I’m 34 and I have stage 3 brain cancer and stage 3 breast cancer. Chemo literally feels like drinking bleach and suffering the side effects for days afterwards. I’ll probably not be able to have kids anymore either because I found out I could pass it along and I would never wish this on anyone."
NewCityNewTrends
"Took my godfather. Liver and testicular. He didn’t smoke or drink. 10 years on I still think about him every day. It’s not fair."
Funk5oulBrother
2X a day...
"Robocalls."
hex_1101
"Hey, hey Scam Likely is my best friend and calls me at least twice a day no one can live up to that dedication."
jait2603
If these Robocalls don't stop. I may go to jail.
Bad Loops
"Balance billing, preexisting conditions, and other insurance industry loopholes."
Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Crazies
"Scientology."
bassistheplace246
"Off the top of my head: They organize their members to tear down anyone who insults the faith and do horrible things to people who leave the cult."
"Leah Remini had a hell of a time getting out and a worse time after she left. A real religion doesn’t destroy you when you leave. They HATE therapists and mental health professionals. Stated reason is that we’re too manipulative and profit off suffering- personally I think that’s projection, they’re mad that we actually help people suffering instead of just fleecing them."
rooftopfilth
Haters!
"The Westboro Baptist Church."
JustinChristoph
"So, interesting thing about Westboro, being from and living in Kansas, not too far from Wichita, we heard about Westboro ALL THE TIME a decade or so ago. They'd protest funerals, pride parades, birthday parties, basically anything they could find. And then something amazing happened. Westboro started getting bullied HARD by people in Kansas, like viciously and mercilessly bullied."
"They would protest, and there would always be a counter protest, and people would just bully the crap out of them the entire time Westboro was protesting. It got so bad that they had to scale back both the amount of protests they were doing and how many people were going, and no longer brought their kids with them. Eventually they just faded into obscurity."
maggotshero
Evil
"Animal abuse."
elkresurgence
"And that goes for all animals. Obviously recognizing the abuse that animals like dogs and cats face is important, but people tend to ignore and even laugh off the rampant abuse of fish, amphibians, and reptiles."
GoldH2O
"Fish abuse deserves more hate, it feels like every man and his dog crams a billion different types of fish into a chlorinated, un cycled hellhole and it’s considered normal, but some ribs showing on your dog and every middle aged white woman will yell at you for hours."
Ill_Writer8430
"The last two theater-based comedy shows I went to nearly made me homicidal. It's crazy how many people think it's ok to just talk through the whole thing or get drunk as hell beforehand and make a bunch of noise the entire time. Why the hell did you even come?!"
dcbluestar
Why are people so rude in the theater? Why are you paying to talk in public instead of at home.
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