For me, sex is important. There really is no debate about this when I'm participating in intimate relations.
If I'm in a relationship with someone I don't have sex with, then it kind of just feels like a friendship. Not that there is anything wrong with having sex or not having sex with friends.
Hey, intimacy means different things to different people. Sex doesn't define it.
It's not the most important issue in an intimate relationship, but for many, it's up there. Consensual sex is meant to be fun... at, least I've always thought so.
Sex in a relationship is also meant to be about connection. Maybe you connect in other ways, which is great.
But ask yourself, is everybody on the same page about how to connect in this department?
AHH... there in lies the rub.
Some need it more, some need it less, some are indifferent. One thing is clear; everybody needs to be talking about it. (Thank you Salt-N-Pepa!)
And it can feel really good, it's sort of one of the perks about being in love or lust.
Redditor remco812wanted to talk about sex baby, by asking:
"How important is sex for you in a relationship?"
My last relationship broke down after our sex abated. From daily to every few months is def a sign something is off. It maybe time for a sit down.
Worksexy breast GIFGiphy
"Best metaphor I heard was that sex in a relationship is like plumbing. It's not the reason you buy a house, but if it's broke, you need to work on it right away." ~ MonkeyCube
Months go by...
"It honestly destroyed my last relationship, we lived together and only had sex once ever 2-3 months, we started to bicker at one another, i started to resent her and feel self conscious about myself and we ultimately broke up not soon after. Sucks because i deeply loved that girl, but the lack of physical intimacy made her feel like a roommate after a while." ~ hoodie-weather
things to overcome...
"A large difference in libido can be a hard thing for a relationship to overcome." ~ Ishamoridin
"This! Healthy communication is your best friend here. My wife has always had a sex drive much much higher than mine. In our younger years it wasn't a problem. As we've gotten older, my mind is always willing but sometimes the body just won't play ball. I assure her it's not her."
"I still find her to be the most beautiful woman on the planet and my desire for her hasn't lessened. On the days my body doesn't wanna play we break out some helpful aids. At the end of the day it's up to you and your partner to figure these things out and come up with solutions that work best for you both." ~ rwubmc
All the time...
"It's not that sex is important, it's that having the same sex drive is. If both want to have sex all the time, that's great. If neither want to have sex much at all, that's great. If one wants to have a lot of sex but the other doesn't, that's gonna cause problems. It doesn't ALWAYS cause problems, but a vast majority of the time it will." ~ Srgt_PEANUT
YummyFood Dinner GIF by Spirited AwayGiphy
"To me sex in a relationship is like food. Can't live without it. Can't have too much of it. Can cook for myself but not all the time. Can live with not-so-good ones but I'd appreciate it if it's good." ~ lan0028456
Food and sex, both necessary. It's good we're talking about sex. It's something too many people are too shy to discuss. The more you know...
Deaddead seth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"Very important. It doesn't have to be constant, and it doesn't have to be amazing, but the connection has to be there. I couldn't deal with a Dead Bedroom." ~ user deleted
"I'm in a relationship where I (28f) have a higher drive than my boyfriend (28m), and he's pretty good at making sure I know it's not me its just that he's tired sometimes, and most of the time he'll help me scratch my itch or he'll straight up be like "I'm pretty tired but you can hop on!'"
"Lmao communication is the biggest factor in a healthy sex life. Sometimes I'm satisfied just from cuddling up together even though we're not huge regular cuddlers because it's not always the O that I'm looking for, it's the intimacy and affection." ~ klr8593
"It's pretty important, but our schedule and appetite for it changes frequently. Sometimes we are all over each sometimes we aren't, after several years together we've come to realize it's a changing variable and to not get too bent out of shape if we're on a downswing. Communication about sex is probably the most important part actually." ~ littlelightshow
People Explain Activities They've Added To Their Post-Pandemic Bucket List | George Takei’s Oh MyyyWhile we've all been cooped up for the better part of two years, many of us have been dreaming up exciting plans for the future. Maybe it's finally time to s...
"It depends on the relationship. I was married to my wife for 20 years. After 18 she got sick. So for the last two years of her life she was unable to have sex and I was perfectly fine with that. I was more worried about trying to get her healthy. If she had lived for another 10 years and was unable to have sex I wouldn't of cared one bit. She was more important to me than that. The companionship and love we shared overpowered anything else." ~ StraightSho
favorsthe oc couple in bed GIFGiphy
"Sex is important, but desire is so much more so."
A Quick Favor
"I've been in a relationship where sex happened only 'to do me a favor,' 'because I needed it,' while 'she didn't have a desire to do so.' I'd much rather have sex once every three months with someone who desires me, who wants me, who wants to be close to me rather than sex every day with someone who does it do me a favor." ~ letthisbeanewstart
Priorities....making love passionate kiss GIFGiphy
"Sex in a relationship is like the toilet in your house. It's not the defining feature of your house and it's not the reason you bought your house. It's not something you really think about all that often as long as everything is going as expected, but if it's broken, it is THE most important thing."
"And you can't look past it or prioritize anything else until it's fixed. If both sides are happy then it doesn't matter what your sex life looks like. If something isn't going well, it's going to be an increasingly large elephant in the room until it's fixed." ~ Badloss
"It's a fun and adventurous thing in my current relationship. I've never dated someone I felt this comfortable with to explore new things and just enjoy it. Laughing during it is new to me and even though I don't see him often, when I do, intimacy is vital and just fun. I'm pleased." ~ Scareyourfamily
"in the beginning it ranked second in importance, now after a few years its close to the bottom. its nice to have but i am also satisfied in every other aspect in the relationship so well i do not find myself missing it. it is just a dessert to a fine a** 4 course dinner." ~ Accomplished_Pause39
"For me, personally, vital. But that's cause I have a VERY high sex drive and value the physical and emotional of it all, that sex brings extremely highly for me. For other people? It varies. It's not important to have sex/not have sex in a relationship. It IS important that you and your partner's sex drive is roughly equivalent."
"It is beyond important. Take it from someone who was in a relationship where his sex drive did not match his partners for way too long. It only breeds resentment and anger and hurt for both parties." ~ DragonDai
just isn't there anymore...
"It's vital in the first decade or so. But I've been with my partner for 20 years and while I'm madly in love with him, that crazy full-on monkey sex we had in those first years, just isn't there anymore. But it feels natural, weirdly. We still hook up, sure. However, the physical intimacy - kissing, hugging, holding hands, lolling around in bed - as well as the intense companionship is the substance of our connection these days." ~ Jaybetav2
"Very important. And top of it, the quality of sex. If we can have great sex, it means we are happy around each other, we communicate in an assertive way, we are fond of each other, there are commitments about having responsible sex, we value our time together, we can share our vulnerability and have true intimacy. Great sex is beyond the physical part. Is emotionally, mentally satisfying." ~ JCVP79
All the ReasonsSeason 5 Flirt GIF by FriendsGiphy
"Friendship. Sex. Commitment. Love. I believe you need all four for a fantastic relationship. I've not found a further minimal set. People get divorced even though they love their partner (cheating/lack of commitment)." ~ tim125
"Me and my wife went through a long dry spell after our third child. And I mean I can probably count on one hand how many times we did it in 5 years. We have just recently connected again sexually and found we argue a lot less and the household seems happier. So I would say it's quite important at this moment on time." ~ SWWIS
If you're in a sexless relationship, and it's bothering you... it's time to chat with your partner. There is enough here to understand the groundwork. Good luck.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
- People Break Down What They Wish They'd Learned About Sex In ... ›
- Sex Therapists Reveal What They Wish More People Knew About ... ›
- People Who Broke Up With Someone Because Of Their Sexual History Explain Why - George Takei ›
- People Explain Which Seemingly Innocent Actions Give Off A Sexual Vibe - George Takei ›
- People Break Down The Difference Between Having Sex And Making Love - George Takei ›
- People Break Down The Circumstances Where They'd Stay In A Sexless Relationship - George Takei ›
When looking at a resume, it's easy to understand how prospective employers will assume someone is very intelligent based on their education and past experience.
But one shouldn't only assume someone's intelligence based on what they read.
More often than not, one can tell rather quickly that someone possesses above-average intelligence, based on how they speak, how they behave, or other telling details.
Redditor PadWanKenobi was curious to hear what people felt were the tell tale signs they were in the company of a possible genius, leading them to ask:
"What’s a sign of extremely high intelligence?"
"Ability to intuitively and quickly understand complex systems and how lots of parts relate in a coherent whole."
"Like I work with some people who just keep tons of concepts in their head and easily integrate new information into their understanding of those concepts."
"They immediately know what questions they should be asking to better understand."
"And these are things they're currently working on, not like things they spent time studying in school over years."
"They just have a very strong ability to synthesize new information into their understanding."
"I sit in meetings distracted and confused having forgotten what we talked about in the previous meetings, and these folks just consistently have a solid handle on everything."- Ok-Control-787
Innate Problem Solvers
"They know when not to solve a problem."
"This took me a while to understand but the smartest people I know do this."
"It could be a really simple thing like ignoring emails from people asking for help."
"The supervisor or boss might have a quick and easy solution for the situation but instead of just handing it to the person that asked they let them figure it out on their own."
"They know who they can do this with and when to do it."
"If they did that with all of their underlings it would just create a mess."
"Another example that I can think of is planned chaos."
"Some people can predict exactly where things will go wrong and they could fix it before it creates a problem."
"They don't because nobody ever notices what's going on in the background when things are working perfectly."
"Once things fails then everybody notices and if you are the one person that fixed it you become the hero."
"They can also use then chaos to reach a goal they couldn't get before if things were working correctly."
"There's many examples of this in every day life that I didn't see before until I realized what was happening."- atapesGiphy
You know what they say about people with small hands
"If your hand is smaller than your face."- FallofTheKnight
The all knowing glow.
"When someone asks you a question and you push your glasses up while light comes out of it and covers your eyes for some reason."- JonEregor
Those giveaway behavioral quirks
"Wearing glasses and saying things like 'ah yes', and 'I see' while you pensively rub your chin."- iuytrefdgh436yujhe2Thinking Reaction GIF by ABC TV + IVIEWGiphy
"When they explain something they make the people around them feel smarter, not dumber."- redkat85
Being one step ahead.
"The capacity to understand complex things, see patterns where regular people don't."- Ostepop234
"They have this tendency to make you go 'Ohhh, why didn't I think of that?' when listening to them talk."- did_it_forthelulzWhy Didnt I Think Of That Cillian Murphy GIFGiphy
An endless love of learning
"A passion for knowledge and expanding understanding of complex concepts."
"The plumber can be just as insightful as the scholar."- KatatoniK94
Of course, one shouldn't always be fooled by what they see.
As many people are masters at appearing much smarter than they are.
In fact, one important sign of super intelligence is being able to separate those who appear smart, from those who actually are.
With each passing year of a marriage, couples will often discover that while they don't love each other any less than they once did, that spark their relationship used to carry has faded.
This will often lead these couples to look for ways to spice things up a bit.
Among the more popular experiments is inviting a third member to their bedroom.
Enticing as this prospect is, however, it's also easy to be intimidated by the reality of it, or even the mere suggestion of it.
"Men, what advice do you have for men whose wives want to bring a third into the bedroom?"
Make sure you want to do it.
"You need to be completely honest with yourself, ask if this is something you want and could live with."- Dame87
Proceed with caution
"It’s like frolicking in a mine field."
"You both better be SUPER into the idea, you can’t have one person who’s reluctantly agreed to go along with it."
"And established rules."
"A threesome sounds like fun and games until you’re watching your partner make faces and sounds that you only thought were for you in your most intimate moments together, and a burning jealousy comes out of nowhere and breaks your heart."
"I’m not saying it’s automatically a bad idea and I know people do polyamory successfully, but dear god be careful."- coleosis1414
Make sure you're an active participant
"I had an ex that was adamant that she wanted to be a swinger or whatever."
"The one time I decided to roll with it, I hit it off immediately with the other dude's girlfriend and had a blast hanging out with her all night."
"The other dude was a total creep, though."
"Also, my ex could not handle the fact that someone else was giving me the slightest bit of attention."
"So, needless to say, that didn't go anywhere."
"Turns out she didn't want to be a swinger, she just wanted to have sex with other people behind my back, which she had no problems whatsoever with."- Ted_Denslow
Look out for ulterior motives
"Just remember that if you bring this up and your husband is against it, that could be the beginning of the end of your marriage."
"For a lot of people their partner saying 'I am seriously considering having sex with other people and I'm checking with you if it is ok', is a deal breaker."- gamerplays
Consider a test run?
"Go to a bar together separately."
"Watch them flirt/interact with someone else."
"If you get jealous, it's probably a bad idea to bring in a third."
"If it turns you on, go for it."- SinSlayer
Query people with experience.
"It’s something my wife and I have talked about."
"We both agreed that opening the Pandora’s box is not the way we want our relationship to go."
"While it sounds fun, we have seen way to many relationships derailed because of it."- DarthDujo
Consider going whole hog.
"Bring a 4th."- xxemrgmi
Evaluate your relationship first.
"Make sure you and your partner are secure in your own relationship before having another person join."
"Have boundaries, and no secrets."
"From my experience it doesn't usually work out in the end."- Thick-Procedure455
"Don't do it."
"For a long time, my ex harbored a fantasy of watching me have sex with another woman."
"Hey, who knows why any of us are wired the way we are?"
"After contemplating the idea together for a while, we decided to approach one of her more attractive co-workers, who had made a series of flattering comments along the lines of "you're so lucky" and "he's so good-looking'."
"She enthusiastically agreed."
"Our first meet-up was of course awkward, but the second, third and following were pretty good."
"In fact they got progressively hotter, as we all got more comfortable with each other's boundaries, erotic likes and dislikes."
"However, over a few months these occasional kinky weekends transitioned into the co-worker asking more frequently and aggressively to be invited over."
"We tried to explain that we had intended these threesomes to be rare and exotic highlights in our sex life, not regular occurrences, but she didn't take the message to heart and instead became increasingly insistent, bordering on smothering."
"After being turned down one Friday, that night she unexpectedly showed up at our door anyway, carrying a weekend bag and wearing nothing but a raincoat, stay-ups and heels."
"While that was quite a sight, it definitely creeped us out, as it made us finally realize the whole arrangement was descending into 'play Misty for me' territory."
"My ex and I agreed that her unexpected and unwelcome appearance signaled the end of future three-ways, at least until we were able to cool our own selves down, reassess, and perhaps later find a less demanding and insistent third."
"Things subsequently got very sticky at work for my wife, as her co-worker, with whom she had to interact closely, strongly resented being permabanned, and kept demanding to know 'what she'd done that was so awful'."
"Coworker eventually asked to be transferred to another office, but by the time that process was over and done, the discomfort / guilt / pressure / confusion my ex was suffering both at home and at work had begun to take its psychological toll."
"I must confess it didn't help that our own sex life was simultaneously going through a rough patch."
"Long story short, we ended our decade-long relationship less than a year after breaking off the threesomes, chiefly due to trust issues and growing sexual incompatibility, both perhaps triggered by our experimentation."
"Ever since, I've regretted agreeing to that first three-way."
"If I hadn't been so damned eager to take a bite of forbidden fruit, we might have kept our relationship intact."
"But I guess this can also be put down as what sometimes happens when you ignore that old advice, 'don't sh*t where you sleep'."- theartfulcodger
When venturing into the unknown, it's always wise to gain some first hand experience, to hear a variety of pros and cons of what you're possibly getting yourself into.
That way, deciding whether or not it's for you will become increasingly clear.
It's also important to remember, that it is always ok to say "no".
People Share Their Best 'You Either Die The Hero Or Live Long Enough To Become The Villain' Experiences
"You either die the hero or live long enough to become the villain."
Though not necessarily a universal truth, all of us have witnessed unfortunate moments in our lives where we've seen this saying become a reality.
Be it seeing our favorite public figures take a serious fall from grace, someone we know and admire eventually disappointing us in a devastating manner, or even seeing ourselves turn into someone we promised we'd never become.
One Redditor was curious to hear people's examples of this saying coming to light, either from a personal experience or seeing it happen to a well-known, public figure, leading them to ask:
"Who is your example of 'you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain'?"
"He originally stood up for civil rights when it was really unpopular."
"Was hospitalized and accidentally placed in the black ward."
"When the doctors found out, they tried to move him, but he refused."
"Then he became a cult leader and used his power and influence to end the lives of a thousand people."- Crvsby
Earning a position of power
"Working in restaurant kitchens."
"You either burn out young, or become the boss that everyone hates."
"There's exceptions, but that's the rule."- grandpas_old_crow
"Henry Heimlich, inventor of the Heimlich Maneuver."
"Made up a bunch of untested uses for it, treating people having asthma attacks, and drowning victims were the two I remember that he publicly talked up."
"Later, he funded an experiment that involved injecting people with Malaria to see if it would treat other conditions.
"The experiment was found to be unethical by American review boards, so he conducted them in Ethiopia." - User Deleted
"In WW1 he led the French to victory at Verdun, one of the worst battles in human history."
"In WW2, after France was beaten, Petain was the head of state of Vichy France."
"Guy went from the Lion of Verdun to the biggest Nazi collaborator in France."- arthuranymoredonuts
"Every organ until it gets cancer."- SuperBaconjam
"He had the whole country behind him here in Ireland at one point bar people who thought combat sport is grotesque."
"He was witty, original, backing himself up and having a Hollywood like rise to stardom."
"Now he's someone who the whole country is ashamed of, goes punching old men, clearly sleeps around on his wife while she's at home with the kids, just a walking caricature of himself."
"He didn't listen to his own advice."
"Get out."- StephenPigot2020
Turning into our parents
"My dad used to annoy me by calling my Pokemon cards 'Pokey-Mans'."
"Now my kids have them and I do the same thing and it annoys the sh*t out of them."
"Thanks for the (Pokeyman) gold!"- rumpel4skinOU
"Almost died during the revolutionary way, if I recall correctly, and if he had he would have been remembered a huge hero, and a martyr."
"Instead he lived and changed sides, and is remembered only for his being a traitor."- uniqueperson22
Be it someone we knew quite intimately, or someone we admired from a far, it is always heartbreaking to see someone evolve from someone we love, to someone we utterly hate.
Sometimes we do things that have to be done.
And some of those things live in life's gray area of right and wrong.
What comes as a surprise to some is when we don't care if we're wrong.
We may still technically be in the right.
But morally and ethically, there may be some issues.
But still, many people don't care.
Redditor BirdyPizzawanted to see who would fess up about some of the worst things we're responsible for but have no shame.
"What is the darkest thing you have ever done and don’t regret?"
I've stolen from department stores that overcharged. I was arrested. I didn't care. So there...
"Five years ago my dad suffered a catastrophic stroke. Left paralyzed and robbed of his speech and ability to communicate he was a shell of the once vibrant, charismatic man he once was. He was moved into skilled nursing where he lived for nearly two years, he was miserable."
"On my last visit I told him it was okay if he wanted to leave us, that we would miss him but he should go. A week later I received the call that he had passed. Instead of immediate grief I felt relief. Relief that he was finally free. The grief came later and I still miss him every single day."
"Got into a car accident and had to stay with my mom for a couple days to figure out what to do. Went back to my apartment (I had two roommates) and everything was missing from my room. Long story short one of my roommates had everything hidden in her room."
"I called and told her the things were missing from my room and she came up with a lie that a couple girls came to look at my room (I was moving out bc of the accident, long story) and that they must have taken my things. She had everything I owned. Including my grandmothers perfume bottles, stuffed to the back of her closet, under her bed, behind her dresser etc."
"So I packed all of my stuff up. Then took a giant black garbage bag and stuffed as much of her closet in it as I could. Took it to the middle of nowhere, dug a hole and burnt it. She called screaming at me that her stuff was missing. I told her the two girls must have come by and taken her stuff too."
"I hit my uncle left right and center when he was trying to choke my father to death. I was 16 years old at that time, a very skinny girl. I beat his face neck and every part of him that I could target with so much intensity that my knuckles turned blue the next day. I had an animalistic rage that day trying to help my father get away from his death grip. I hate my uncle even today."
"I got anger issues because of growing up around him. And I don't regret beating him that day at all. He was physically abusive to his wife as well. One fine day, his wife retaliated by beating him blue with a stick. And he stopped being physically violent towards her post that."
"A neighbor like 10 years ago was neglecting their dog badly in the heat. The dog escaped often and ended up at the shelter a lot. One day she jumped the fence and got her tie-out cable stuck on the fence. (She was not in danger of choking.) Neighbor put her on a 3-foot-long cable tied to a doorknob, no water, 90 degree day. I let some kind folks steal her, watched the whole thing and said nothing to stop them."
"When my father was dying and in pain I was the one who told the doctors he had been through enough and we couldn't see him suffer anymore. Doctor injected him with something, I assume a morphine mega dose and he passed peacefully moments after. Euthanasia may not be legal in UK but compassionate doctors know what's what. I don't regret it because my pa made me promise I would have his back when he got sick or old. I'm sad he got sick and never got to get old."
That is a lot of mess. But sometimes we have to do what we have to do.
"One of my ex best friends in high school was a real narcissistic lunatic. Had so many egotistical fantasies about what he deserved but I remained his friend because we met through my close friend (his girlfriend). As I started realizing what a terrible person he was I convinced him to go after his fantasy of a harem by asking to add a 3rd to their relationship, that led to a fight between his gf."
"I called her about it and asked how she felt about him adding someone to their relationship and about him sleeping with her. She said she knew nothing about that and started crying because he cheated on her. I basically helped orchestrate their breakup and have no regrets. She is happy with her first child now and he is in a toxic af relationship with 3 kids, 2 of which aren't his and his partner is 8 years older than him."
"Had to make the choice to take my dad off of life support after he got Covid this year. He was sedated for a couple of weeks and one of his lungs collapsed and I couldn't watch him fall apart anymore. My dad was a bulky dude. Constantly did a lot of outdoor work and to see him bone skinny and have no muscle left killed me and I knew even if he somehow got through it, he would have been so miserable and depressed in that state he was in. I don’t regret it. I think it was the right thing to do by him. I’ll never not miss him though. That was my buddy."
"Turned a close friend into the fish and game. He would poach mountain lions and bears. His whole family would literally shoot them and leave them. He would brag about it. I couldn’t stand it and felt that I needed to stop him. He’s in prison and so is his uncle. I know I ruined his life but he was literally killing so many mountain lions and bears."
"In middle school, there was this group of boys that would corner me in the hallway and try to scare me. I was the perfect target for these little b**tards. I was short, skinny, and had (and still have) and anxiety disorder. One day I just had enough, and asked a friend if I could have an extra pencil, sharpened it as much as I could, and when I saw one of them in the hallway, I stabbed the hell out of his leg. Sh**head got what he deserved."
Wow... we really are a dark and secretive people.