One of the most severe things that 2020 has taught me is that NOW is the time. For the first few months of quarantine, I woke up everyday in a panic about all the "time" I've lost. I'd watch all these news reports interviewing the people who had lost a loved one. That is my biggest fear but I refuse to allow it to be my biggest regret.
We've all seen too much death now to not start changing regret.
Redditor u/delete_my_comment wanted the medical workers out there to share with us the wisdom they've learned from the people they've witnessed leave this Earth by asking.... Hospital workers [SERIOUS] what regrets do you hear from dying patients?
Remembering Her....
season 1 love GIF by NBCGiphyHe wished he had been a better father to his daughter. He wished they had reconnected. His dementia prevented him from remembering they had reconnected years before and that she visited often.
I wish I could have made him aware that he had accomplished his last wish. But he died not really understanding that.
Frank.
He was one of my first patients as a nursing student, named Frank. He was 92. After knowing him a few days, he disclosed to me his regret was outliving everyone he loved... that he and his wife hadn't had kids, and he was "all that was left" and that he wanted to see his wife again. I wasn't sure how to respond, so I just listened... and it made me realize how living so long isn't great if everyone you love is gone.
He passed away later that week, and while I distinctly recall some of my classmates being upset, I felt relief for him. I knew he was where he wanted to be. I've had many patients since, but you tend to remember your first ones.
Other than that, ditto what everyone's saying, more time with family/loved ones, wish they wasted less time with work or other crap, etc.
It's never too late.
I worked in long term care for 12 years. I remember a married couple that shared a room. She had cancer and kidney failure. I was helping her eat lunch one day with her husband sitting there with us. She looked like death but her husband looked at her then at me and said have you ever seen a more beautiful woman? I had to leave and go to the bathroom and cry.
I cried for days every time I thought of what he said. I thought I would never know what it was like to be loved like that. I had been divorced for years. I couldn't even tell the story without tearing up. Footnote.... I was divorced 23 years when I met Rod. Been together for 11 years. I know that love now. It's never too late.
I was barely 21....
I worked as an oncology nurse right out of nursing school. I was barely 21 years old. Had a patient about my age who was dying of lung cancer. A few hours before he died I sat with him and he was telling me how much he wished that he would have had more time-to maybe fall in love, marry, have kids. He was so young. He asked me to call his parents and he died shortly after they arrived.
It was awful. His regrets were more about the life not lived. Many older patients had some interesting life stories and most wanted to tell them before they died. Most were at peace with the life they lived. Many regretted working so much and not spending enough time with family.
Goodbye....
spirited away goodbye GIFGiphySome people just want you to let them go. I had a man with terminal cancer break down crying after his daughters left the room because they wanted him to "keep fighting" and he just wanted to rest and pass peacefully.
Learn when to let go.
They're Here....
In the ER it's not something most people see coming when they arrive but it's usually the same regret when they are coherent. They all wish their family was there (which sucks even more lately with Covid since family can't come in initially).
Or they cry out for their SO in a panic. It's gotten to the point recently where we tell them "SO" is right here with you." The look of relief on people's faces just hearing that gets me everytime. People just want to not be alone at the end.
When I'm Solo....
I was a new nurse, flying solo. We got a call for an incoming trauma, woman in her 50's involved in a multi-car accident. We were all ready at the ambulance bay, unsure of the woman's complete condition.
She rolled in breathing on her own, but very labored with asymmetrical chest expansion. She was profusely bleeding, had multiple deep lacerations, pupils blown, debris covering most of her, etc. Her vitals were unstable, she was circling the drain, we knew she was on the verge of coding... I was standing near her head, ready to assist in supporting her airway but also providing comfort and doing my best to calm her.
The woman looked me directly in the eyes and in a hoarse, labored voice stated, "I was angry, I told her I was disappointed in her." She began to cry, her vitals plummeted. "I'm sorry," was the last thing she said before her heart stopped. We coded her, intubated her, performed round after round of ACLS, only to eventually have to call time of death.
I still see her face at times, her eyes filled with more emotional pain than physical. It took much longer and was so much harder to write this than I thought it would be.
Hand me my Top Hat!
I was a hospice nurse. One of my elderly patients had skin cancer, a huge malignant melanoma on the side of his neck that was growing rapidly. He had been a farmer all his life and never married. One night we were talking and I asked him if there was anything he wished he had done differently in his life, and he thought about it a minute and said he wished he had worn a hat when he was farming. I wish he did too.
Visit Now!
I did training to be a CNA and we had to work in a nursing home as part of our training. I didn't really get into any deep conversations with the patients there, but I can say this.... if you have family in a nursing home please visit with them. It's a sad and lonely place to be.
Love More....
I Love Hearts GIFGiphyI work in a hospital. Whenever someone is at the end of their life, they always just want to be with their loved ones. Any regrets I've heard is always family related. They wanted more time with the people they love. Most people are at peace with things though. People also tend to wish they took their health seriously.
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"What is the most unexpected thing you've seen live on tv?"
Not As Cute As He Seemed...
"In the UK a TV personality and her son who is disabled were on a live tv show."
"From what I recall the topic being discussed was online bullying."
"When her son was asked about what to say to these bully's his response was: 'hello you c*nts'."
"Absolute classic British TV right there."- garillar
And This Was Only The Beginning...
"The OJ Simpson Bronco chase."
"They interrupted the NBA playoffs to show it live instead of the game."
"It was surreal."- PaulsRedditUsername
All He Had Hidden, Was A Let Down...
"Al Capone's vault had ........... nothing in it."- MerryBandOfPirates
al capone inmates GIF by History UKGiphyNo Thanksgiving Is Drama Free
"It was Thanksgiving morning in Los Angeles, and a news team went to surprise a family in need with a full Thanksgiving dinner."
"They showed up to the house, and I really think they went to the wrong place."
"The person at the door looked confused by the name the reporter was giving them, but they were live, and I’m sure the reporter was freaking out so she shoved her way into the home with the camera crew and a bunch of people with food."
"They’re all standing in the living room, and the reporter is telling this bewildered woman about what food they brought."
"Then the woman, takes a picture off the mantle, and starts crying, telling the reporter her baby died."
"The reporter was trying to turn the conversation back to the surprise dinner, but the woman only wanted to talk and show pictures of her dead baby."
"It was the cringiest thing I’ve ever seen on live TV."- adventurer84
Some People Just Get Used To It
"The reporter standing at a 45-degree angle, holding onto the street sign for dear life in a wind/rain storm as he was reporting."
"And the two dudes casually walking past, not leaning whatsoever and without difficulty."- Kinky_mofo
An Unforgettable Tragedy
"The Space Shuttle Challenger exploding into the Florida sky."- IfIKnewThen
A Life Threatening Rush...
"A Formula One driver hitting a wall at Imola and attempts being made to resuscitate him on the track."
"They weren't successful."
"Roland Ratzenberger died during Qualifying and things continued to get out of control as crew, drivers and spectators were injured over the weekend and Ayrton Senna died during the race."
"Motor racing is obviously not 100% safe but the number of incidents and two fatalities over the course of a single event was astonishing."
"It really was like the track was cursed."- JMW007
In Case Anyone Missed It...
"I was watching football (soccer) a few years ago and the referee stopped play for a foul."
"The slo-mo replay showed the fouling player grab the other player’s shorts as he stepped across him, and use them to try to stop his momentum."
"The shorts stretched a long way, exposing his penis, which then proceeded to flap around in slo mo, for about 5 seconds, whilst the commentators pretended it wasn’t happening."- Thefdt
Copa America Football GIFGiphyBoxing Doesn't Involve Teeth
"Mike Tyson biting Evander Holyfield’s ear."- wintermacaw
Everyone Wanted To Look Away, But Couldn't...
"Anderson Silva's leg snapping like a twig."- KeyRageAlert
In Real Time
"Hostage situation during the news."
"The news presenter was talking when an armed man walked in and took them hostage."
"It was wild."- HappyDutchMan
GOOOAAAAL!
"Christian Eriksen legit collapsing and dying on a soccer pitch only to be revived and make the most epic comeback the following season."- True-Expression3378
Going Out on A High
"One time I was flipping through channels and nothing was on."
"Snow mobile freestyle on the winter X Games caught my eye for no good reason."
"Then the guy is in the air either trying to backflip or he just rotates too far on a big jump."
"The snow mobile lands what looks like directly on his chest."
"I’m shocked thinking surely he wasn’t going to survive."
"I can’t recall what the normal announcers were saying or if they cut to something less dramatic."
"But then the sideline reporter type woman said she interviewed the athlete while he was being taken away and he 'felt like he just woke up from the longest dream ever'.”
"So I was optimistic since he was able to speak."
"Maybe even walk off under his own power."
"But I looked it up over the next day or two and he died in the hospital."
"That line from his interview still sticks with me."- FancyPantsHess
There's no going back for a second take when it comes to live television.
So, for better or worse, what happens will potentially be seen by millions of viewers, and most likely never forgotten.
Redditor Sinaasappelsien was hoping certain people would share some of their most difficult inner thoughts, so they asked:
"Those with ADHD or OCD, what’s the worst intrusive thought you’ve ever had?"
I don't have either symptom, but I can empathize.
Intrusive thoughts haunt us all and it's a lot to take in.
Consent
Jim Carrey Reaction GIF by LaffGiphy"Maybe you're in a 'Truman Show' type situation, what would you want your audience to hear?"
"The answer now is mostly 'I do not consent to be in a 'Truman Show type situation.' I'm 99.9% sure that's not what's happening, BUT I do still say it out loud every once in a while, just in case."
a**hat123
Painful Details
"I tend to imagine injuries in excruciating detail. One time when I was in college, working in the kitchen, I remember walking past an industrial-sized mixer with a dough hook as big as my arm, and I was immediately hit with the image of my leg getting caught in it, and the force of the motor snapping my knee and leg bones and winding my flesh around the shaft until it shredded and tore free - like when you're trying to break the hip joint to get a leg off of a roast chicken."
iglidante
Sick to my stomach...
"I've had some absolutely abhorrent and terrifying intrusive thoughts that torture me all the time. My therapist told me that intrusive thoughts are your brain trying to purge the things you find absolutely disgusting and awful and I try to remember that but it still makes me sick to my stomach. I cope the best I can but torture really is the best descriptor for experiencing consistent intrusive thoughts."
bathmaster_
Unfazed
"I have Excoriation disorder, which is a type of OCD, and what it means is that if I see any kind of spot on my skin, I pick at it until it’s gone. And what I mean when I say 'pick' is that I will find whatever sharp object there is (my preferred object is thumbtacks) and I will dig until I’m satisfied that it’s gone. It could be 5 minutes, it could be 5 hours."
"Pain doesn’t faze me. Blood doesn’t faze me. I have dug down to the bone before with a thumbtack because I thought there was a lump in my pinky finger. I also have a severe anxiety disorder, which means that if I can’t get 'out' whatever I believe is in my skin, I have a panic attack. It isn’t to self-harm- I don’t do it to hurt myself."
"I just do it because I can’t relax until I get out whatever I think is on/in my skin. I haven’t had a severe picking episode in about 9 months, thanks to really good meds and mental health care. But yeah- without that, the intrusive thought that 'something is in there and I HAVE to get it out' would destroy me."
MPD1987
Again and Again
Britney Spears Reaction GIFGiphy"Along with intrusive thoughts is the intrusive music. All the time never stops. Just broken snippets, 'Oops I did it again, oops I did it again, oops I did it again' over and over til I think I’m going mad!!!"
Jeansiesicle
Random music in the brain.
I've been kept up nights over the music.
And there is no volume dial.
WTF?!
Dying Classic Film GIF by Warner ArchiveGiphy"I get one regularly that’s a vivid image of me digging out the artery in my wrist with a fish hook and then snapping it like a rubber band."
canijustbelancelot
Bed Check
"If my bedroom isn't clean or tidy when I lay down to sleep, I picture bugs, rodents, etc climbing over me in bed. Not far off because my last condo building had such a bad mouse infestation. Ugh. I'm itchy just thinking about it now."
crankyoldhag45
"I have to check my room every night for spiders, the same routine every night no matter how tired I am. I hate it. I'm convinced if I don't check, it'll be the one night a big one crawls on me, and that did happen once, so the compulsion to check is now very much set in stone. :( "
sakura_gasaii
Reminders
"I love getting constant reminders about my absolute worst memories, ranging from 'WTF was I thinking' to redeem now for a free panic attack. I considered typing one out but stared at that last full stop for a minute before snapping out of it and reconsidering lol. I’ve gotten very good at forgetting things. It’s for the best."
Arterra
Bad Attacks
"I've been getting bad claustrophobia attacks on the train lately. The moment it gets too crowded I start thinking about the trains to Auschwitz and how the people were trapped in there for days at a time, squeezed in like sardines, with no bathroom breaks, no room to stretch, freezing or sweltering, starving or panicking or dying... Sorry. You asked."
Wazula23
Rituals
I Hope Please GIFGiphy"I have to pray before bed or my father won't wake up the next morning."
No_Scale7584
"OCD rituals hit hard. I hope it doesn’t cause you too much distress, but I understand how exhausting it can be."
StillExpectations
Our thoughts can really be our enemy.
If you suffer some intrusive thoughts, there are plenty of medical resources out there for you. .
