We love horror movies; they get the blood boiling and the heart racing. We're even willing to forgo restful sleep for a good ole fashion jolt. Half the reason we love these films though are because we love to try and figure how we'd best our favorite cinematic forms of evil.
Redditor u/today_okay wanted to know who had the best survival skills from the land of horror by asking.... What horror movie do you think you'd easily survive if you were in it?
Don't Be Stupid!
GiphyThe Strangers. The characters pissed me off the whole time. First of all, DON'T SPLIT UP. Also, TURN ON THE LIGHTS. Then grab the guns, camp out in the middle of the house, and wait for the killers to either leave or come for you, then blow their brains out. sjl1021
Stay Away!
Ma. Just don't go back to the her house! yaggib
Or just don't trust a middle aged random lady and run away before she finds anything about you out. Ch8T0n
If you've got nine bucks, don't blow it all on pizza. hugeposuer
The Water...
Maybe not easily, but if I were in A Quiet Place, I'd live next to that waterfall. ChillyFireball
I bet there are just a bunch of people living near the Niagara Falls, using it a natural sound dampener to hunt the creatures. LTman86
Go Towards the Light.
Don't Be Afraid of the Dark.
Those things are six inches tall! All you need is a golf club or hockey stick, and one of those LED headlamps that last 1,000 hours. NeroJoe
This movie scared the living shit out of me. The old man giving up his teeth, and his maid's teeth, as an offering to get his kid back. Messed. Me. Up. I would be fine sleeping with the lights on but I would totally fall for their trap if they took my kid. Mister_IceBlister
Mother Dear.
GiphyI think I could survive Psycho, especially after the first scene with the dude (that he's clearly deranged) and a load of money in my car like she had.
However I would probably die in every scenario of the 'Saw' movies. Dewy_Wanna_Go_There
Don't be an Idiot.
Jeepers Creepers. Idiots decide to investigate someone quite obviously shoving a dead body into a basement, in the middle of nowhere, without calling the police or letting anyone know where they are. AFTER that same creepy
person tried his best to run them off the road. Screw that! Reddit
Take a Brisk Walk.
The Blob.
It's a slow-moving blob that has to touch you to absorb you.
You know where I'm not? Anywhere within 100 miles of wherever this thing. In my car, and gone.
Military, do your thing. Once you drop it off to stay frozen deep in the Atlantic, let me know, I'm sure there'll be new job openings when I come back home. Dunehound
Jump.
The Descent.
"Well those are some well prepared young ladies who look to be off spelunking..." as I drive on by. Blink and you miss me! BartenderOU812
Yeah my policy is to never take up any hobbies they specifically ask you about in your life insurance application, so I'm definitely safe from any horror movie featuring spelunking. Also scuba, mountain climbing and hot air ballooning, just in case anyone ever decides to make a horror movie about any of those things. Yellowbug2001
Be Still.
Predator... as long as I don't pick up a weapon it will leave me alone. Greg_the_cactus
Would the Yatuja kill a disabled person? I'm just thinking of a scenario where my asthmatic butt is scrambling on the forest floor because I dropped my dang glasses. The Predator would be standing nearby probs not even doing anything because my audio-processing problems mean I can't even hear it.
Predator: "I'm sorry, but this would be TOO easy." locomocomotives
Checkout Please....
1408.
"Excuse me, that room's haunted..."
"Cool, thanks for the tip."
I immediately seek a separate hotel. Danyawelly
And then some men with sledgehammers come in and destroy your current environment revealing that you never left 1408. stexski
Blair No!
Blair Witch Project.
We're filming where? Looking for what? Oh ok I'm not coming to that. BinaryBlasphemy
"You're going to spend a weekend in the woods with who? Yeah that guy sucks... all these people suck. This sounds real boring." El_Gran_Redditor
Camping? I'm out. eyeball-beesting
I can't read....
GiphyNot really horror, but The Mummy. I can't read hieroglyphics, so I'd look at the Book of the Dead, go "neat book!" and walk away, so the Mummy would stay asleep. The_Late_Arthur_Dent
Are you kidding? It's a book that's a genuine artifact with cool spooky stuff written inside and it's made of solid gold.
I'd take that with me in a heartbeat. A part of me would want to keep it, but it would be ruthlessly obliterated by the part that wants to sell it. Still wouldn't be able to read it though, the mummy would be someone else's problem. TheVoteMote
On Dry Land Only!
Jaws. Stay on land, problem solved.
Edit: Sharknado isn't a counter point. It's a different movie. Unless you can undeniably prove Sharknado and jaws happen in the same universe at the same time I say to you, "nah." MrRipShitUp
I Decline.
The Invitation. Because I never get invited to anything. cointelpro_shill
That movie was so good. Me and my gf to this day if we are on a weird social situation at someone's house are like are we being invitationed right now. laaerpig
Shoot 1st!
Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It's Texas, I'd just find someone with a gun or a gun store and arm up. cryptidhunter101
This easily, like the guy's walking with a chainsaw, he's slow. Also, you're in Texas, so you have a gun. OwenFollington
Red Balloons....
GiphyIt.
I'm not a child. And knowing that something would grow more powerful the more I fear it would probably cause some sort of reaction where I stop fearing it out of spite. The_Rhine
Boo!!
Scream. I hated parties when I was a teenager and when kids started getting knocked off, I'd have gotten the heck out of town and stayed with my Dad. He has guns! AllElse11
This would be me. I'd be at home studying. Although I did live in the woods in a rural area but if ghostface came after me they would just see a stressed out teenager screaming "I have two quizzes and an exam tomorrow! I don't have time to get murdered!!" Themaskedotaku
The Basics....
Anything that starts with someone touching/opening the thing that isn't supposed to be touched/opened.
I'm a basic rule follower. Movie would start with me reading the sign...and end with me walking away after reading the sign. chefjenga
See I thought I was like that. You know "don't touch the obviously alien and potentially lethal object." Easy. But then I saw this cactus in the desert and the spines looked kinda fleshy and soft so I got curious if it was more furry than spiky, and touched it and it hooked into my finger. SquirrelicideScience
Dead Already.
The Sixth Sense. There's literally 0 life threatening parts in it. All the scary people are already dead. Teetothejay13
Not true. Bruce gets shot in the first ten minutes.
*If anyone gets mad about spoilers, the scene literally happens at the beginning of the movie. Plus, you came into a thread in which spoilers are obviously going to be everywhere. Phoequinox
Rules are Rules.
Any one that starts with people ignoring a public warning. I'm a stickler for the rules. Rhyye
Add the news reporting "mass disappearances in the neighborhood next to yours."
Or "People found with their faces cut off and their dicks stuck in their ears."
I'm gonna lock my doors, set up a security cam, and have my firearms easily accessible. ToastyMustache
No Camping.
GiphySleepaway Camp movies, just don't go to camp or call home after one murder has been reported. bubbered_boast
The Lazy Way.
The Purge. Because 99.9% of people would just stay home because they want to live and don't want to kill people. improbable_humanoid
I imagine that if the purge were real, I feel like the real threat would be arson. Fires are easy to cause and burning down houses doesn't necessarily guarantee dead people so it fulfills a destructive urge while giving yourself plausible deniability on whether or not anybody died. GoldFishPony
Samara....
The Ring.
Because I don't own a VCR. Hickspy
Technically Samara adapted to modern tech in the 3rd movie "rings" and honestly I would just stay cool and try to become her friend or something because being so alone must be so hard for her. MendicantBias42
Pinhead.
Hellraiser.
The cenobites, for being interdimensional torture demons, are fairly easily tricked.
They even say "no more of your tricks, I will tear your soul apart." And then they immediately get tricked again.
Also, I have a strict policy of not fucking with anything that shady vietnamese men with dirty fingernails sell me. Zappy golden puzzlebox? Nope, I'll just play my Vidya, thanks. OttoVonJismarck
Thick Air.
The Mist. Literally, because all you had to do, was bunker down and not go the fuck outside till the military showed up.
ANd yes I do not know the military is gonna clean their mess up. However I am home almost all the time, that 10% chance I am outside at the time can be negated.
But the book version? No no no, I would definitely be dead 100%. CommonSenseEludesMe
Be a Sandra....
Birdbox. I stay inside all day. Hypnotwiiist
I think Birdbox would be difficult to survive in because of those fools going around making people look. And maybe just one day slipping up, and that's it! eternalrefuge86
Not Real.
Slenderman
jk he's here now, someone please take care of my cat. carpetghost
Honestly use the enderman tactic from minecraft and hit him with you diamond sword in a small space that he can't reach cuz he's 3 blocks tall. EggronTheGreat
Dawn Down.
Until Dawn, just don't go to the REALLY far away cabin to get laid.
Boom, easy win. the_quiet_whisper
Also, don't "prank" your friend so much she'll run into the woods to die at the beginning of the game. nermid
Hey Mikey!
GiphyHalloween. I'm pretty sure I could out run Michael Myers. Do I get to hear the music? That would increase my survival rate 100%. kellywithayy
Sorry to break it to you but somehow you'll inexplicably trip over nothing multiple times just so that good ol' Mike can catch you while moving at a speed that would suggest he's taking a stroll in a museum. 5-dollar-milkshake
It can be a pleasant and exciting surprise to see a friend or family member show up on the evening news.
Particularly if it is a story showcasing their accomplishments or allowing them to let their voice be heard on an important issue.
Of course, showing up on the news isn't always a joyous occasion.
Indeed, some people tune in to find their friends and family on the news for reasons they might hope people will eventually forget down the line.
Redditor Miguenzo was eager to hear stories of a loved one making the evening news for less than brag-worthy stories, leading them to ask:
"What’s the dumbest reason somebody you know landed on the 6 o’clock news?"
15 Minutes, Or Four Seconds, Of Fame...
"Years back, there was a college scholarship scam going on here."
"These companies would go to high schools and do a presentation, and grift parents into paying a large sum for the company to help get a scholarship."
"My mom took one look at this and was like, 'this is a scam'."
"My uncle bought it hook, line and sinker and paid up."
"And received absolutely nothing."
"So he calls our news program and they do a feature with this company in their 'hall of shame.'"
"My uncle was absolutely THRILLED."
"'They interviewed me for 4 hours!'"
"'It's going to be huge!'"
"We all sit around the TV."
"It's February 2000."
"Boom, there's my uncle!"
"They do the lead-in..and then, there's my uncle saying..."
"'They said, uh, sue 'em'."
"My uncle is screaming."
"'What the Hell?! They were at my house for 4 hours!'"
"We still have it on VHS somewhere."
"My uncle's star moment over in seconds."- JKW1988
Episode 19 News GIF by The SimpsonsGiphyPreserved For Posterity...
"My college roommate got stuck in an infant swing at a public park and firefighters had to use some type of Jaws of Life contraption to cut the swing down and cut her out of it."- Nocomt
Oops!
"I know a guy who was interviewed on camera up in the mountains where there was a forest fire."
"He had been up there fishing with his girlfriend."
"He was married."- Fezig
Close Call
"Dude was swimming laps in a lake after dinner (i.e., around sunset)."
"Predictably, he got bit by an alligator."
"I saw him on the news, shirtless in true Floridaman fashion, with a little bandage over each tooth mark."
"The bandages made a dotted line around his shoulder and chest in the shape of an alligator's mouth, like he was in a cartoon or something."- BigRedRobotNinja
Tiere Bis Unters Dach Swimming GIF by SWR KindernetzGiphyUnpaid Extra
"There was a park nearby that had no drainage and was bowl shaped."
"So if it rained hard, this baseball park/ football field turned into a mini lake."
"It rained a lot one day and the news did a story just showing how much it rained, and in the background behind the news-woman, from out of frame you see my friend rowing past her in a kayak."- hook_killed_pan
Right Place At The Right Time?
"A fight broke out at a HS football game."
"Turned into a huge brouhaha.'
"They intervened this dumba** friend of mine on the local news, the only bit that made it into the broadcast was him saying 'For the first time in my life I was happy to see cops!'"- KneeDragr
Awww...
"Marrying their pet goldfish in an underwater ceremony, complete with a wedding gown and guests in scuba gear."- Candies-For-You
Illustration Swimming GIF by Ordinary NadeeGiphyStrike!
'A childhood friend’s dad embezzled money from the local Little League team."- Key-Zebra-4125
How Did He Even Make It To The Freezer?
"An ex boyfriend of my best friend’s sister ended up on the news for breaking into a Checkers through the drive through window and locking himself in the freezer until the cops arrived and arrested him."- pineapple3712·
Ice Cream Snack GIF by My/Mochi Ice CreamGiphySetting An Example...
"I got filmed and aired sticking a swab up my nose at drive thru covid testing."
"I had just declined to be interviewed at my car because I was afraid of getting someone sick."
"Test was negative, and my sister got a new pic for my contact profile on her phone."- idiotsavant419
Criminals Don't Ususally Wait In The Check Out Line...
"My friend was going to target with his mom to buy a tv."
"They stopped at Starbucks in the store."
"When the worker asked what the wanted he said “'he money in the register see' like an old timey gangster, then laughed ordered and payed for their coffee and went into target."
"While they were pushing their cart with a tv in it to the check out line the swat team surrounded them and arrested him for armed robbery.. was on the news."
"Got charged and everything."
"The first hearing the barista could not point him out and the judge threw out the case."- MACHOmanJITSU
Returning To The Scene Of The Crime...
"A guy from my high school stole Michael Jackson's glove from the Motown Museum in Detroit MI in early 90s."
"He returned it."
"I knew it had to be him, and yep, it was."
"I remembered him because he dressed like Michael Jackson every single day of school for years."
"He did it really well, too."
"He also didn't talk much."
"So, I was surprised to see him talking to a TV reporter about it."
"I hope he's doing well."- ATK80k
Animated GIFGiphySome people crave their 15 minutes of fame and embrace it however it may come.
Others only hope that no one they knew happened to be watching their local news that night...
Even though they know deep down that all their friends have it on their DVR and are never planning to erase it...
People say the darndest things after -- and sometimes during -- lovemaking.
Maybe it's the euphoria.
Maybe it's the adrenaline.
Maybe it's the tequila.
It's always good to have a kind-hearted joke on hand or a generic compliment.
Or maybe just grab your belongings and skedaddle.
Redditor ella-es-julia wanted to hear about the craziest pillow talk stories, so they asked:
"Men of Reddit: What's the weirdest thing a girl said to you after sex?"
The weirdest I ever got was... "What city am I in again?"
Geography matters.
Morbid Much?
In Bed Home GIFGiphy"Met girl, went on date, brought girl home, had the sex, finished the sex, laying there she says 'What would you do if I died right now?' and demanded an actual answer."
Vixxay
Meow
"Not to me, but as she walked over to the bathroom after the deed, she said 'I just did your owner' to my cat. Sexiest thing that ever happened to me."
shlanky369
"My Fiancé and I were about to start going at it when the cat appeared from under the bed and stared at me. I went, 'Babe the cat is here. I don't like how he's staring at my boobs."
"Fiancé grabbed the cat and yeeted him into the hallway with the phrase, 'Get out you weird pervert.'"
"The cat proceeded to (without his claws) smack the door over and over again while screaming for a few minutes straight. Pervert."
Trumpet6789
POP!
"'I need you to take me to the hospital. Something is now bleeding and hurts.'"
"Turns out her ovarian cyst popped. We're still together with the running joke of sex so good it put her in the ER."
DasBatt
"Ah ah ah, 2 hemorrhagic cysts ruptured, I was bleeding internally, but only a little bit. I'm still impressed by how quickly you went from a naked sex stupor to being ready and carrying me to the car. Good times."
"In the ER when they asked me what happened all I could do was shout 'we were f**kin!' through my tears. That memory still makes me laugh."
Straystar-626
Damn it's Good
"We were going at it for some time then her face went instantly from 'damn it's good' to full-on crying. I stop, ask her what's wrong and she tells me 'I can't cheat on my boyfriend, it is wrong.'"
"So this is when I learned that the girl that I met on a dating website and that I started seeing 3 weeks before and that she told me she was single had a boyfriend for over 5 years. Got her to talk more, and she told me she was on the dating website to see if there were guys better than her boyfriend so she could end up with someone better."
"This was like 20 years ago, a coworker I have right now knows her (his girlfriend is like a distant relative of hers) and I learned she had 5 different boyfriends since then, cheated on all of them except the last one (for now). She was also a cam model in secret, one of the boyfriends was a high-paying customer."
draftstone
A Binding Contract
"'Pleasure doing sex business with ya.' We then shook hands."
"Still together 5 years later!"
Tatarstan
It's nice when people who have great sex make great partners.
And it all starts with a handshake.
Sleep on It
“'I don’t usually say this but, yeah, you can stay.'"
lennyukdeejay
"Did you high-five after that? Seems like that statement called for it."
EvilNinjaX24
"This is the best one."
TomKhatacourtmayfind
Tiny Dancer
"Not really weird but I slept with this girl while backpacking Asia, she was also a backpacker. After a bit of chillin'/talking, I got up to get dressed, she looked at my flaccid manhood and said 'You're quite shy when you're not excited.' I thought it was hilarious."
fleetwoodsackk
"That's a much better way to put it. My wife, when we were just dating and had moved in together and eventually saw it flaccid just said 'Aww, it's so little.' Thanks, hun, exactly what every guy wants to hear."
striker180
Fine!
"She said 'If I get pregnant I'm keeping it.' I was dumbfounded and when I didn't respond quickly enough she got really agitated like I had hurt her feelings and yelled 'Fine! You don't have to be involved if you don't want to!'"
"We had just met that night. My condom use skyrocketed after that night."
Fullyme
"When I was a poverty-stricken college student I was banging a girl who said, 'If you get me pregnant I’ll take you for everything you own.' I said, 'All I own is my bicycle. You want that?'”
OrwellWasRight101
Amen
"Best weird compliment I ever got was 'Damn boy, you f**k like the Devil!'"
"I married her, we still goin' at it."
BeBearAwareOK
Well, these certainly created some lasting relationships... or hilarious tales to tell their friends.
Do you have any stories to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Reddit user callmejari asked:
"What's the weirdest compliment you have received?"
Zzzzz...
"Someone once told me that my voice was so soothing, it could put a crying baby sloth to sleep."
~ Marena-Cris-18
GiphyWhat About My Sneeze?
"'Your cough sounds nice' Was just a random girl on the train."
"Still throws me off 2 years later."
~ ThatGothDinosaur
GiphyHope It’s Not SpongeBob
"A 5-year-old kid told me he liked me because I looked like a cartoon."
~ Sea_Ganache620
Giphy
Unfulfilled Potential
"I have nice wide birthing hips."
"I'm a guy."
~ kudzufarmer
"You got the foundation for it, you're just missing the plumbing."
~ ARoundForEveryone
Giphy
Wrong Hemisphere, But Thanks
"When I was 16 working the drive thru—'You’re the prettiest Arabic girl I’ve ever seen'."
"I’m Mexican. But thank you ma’am."
~ 3sp00py5me
GiphyWas His Name Vlad?
"'You've got beautiful veins'."
"By the guy that injected my contrast before an MRI."
~ Reblax837
Werner Herzog Halloween GIF by Arrow VideoGiphyIt Keeps My Teeth In Place
"Some random NYC man told me I had a nice chin once. I still think about him."
~ pssht07070707
GiphyNever Skip Leg Day
"I was told by a woman walking behind me on stairs that I had great calves."
"It was kind of weird at the time."
~ Sider-Pride
Not The BBQ Ones
"'I like your ribs'."
"From random girl at a pool party during a music festival."
~ Particular-Natural12
GiphyCleaning Up On Aisle 5
"I delivered bread to grocery stores in the 90’s and when I decided to change routes, the young lady who had always checked me in told me she’d really miss the sound of my voice."
~ OGGBTFRND
GiphyBloody Offal
"One time I was at the doctor for some lower back pain getting an ultra sound and the tech looked me dead in the eye and said 'You have really nice kidneys. They're very plump.'"
"Best strange compliment I ever received."
~ FlashRage
A compliment is a compliment, right?
What's the weirdest compliment you've received?