"Teachers of reddit, what is the craziest reason you have had to send a student to the office?"
Must Have Been One Epic Backpack...
"I’m a middle school teacher."
"I had a student sneak a gas cooker and his moms pork chops into school in a large backpack."
"He cooked pork chops for his friends at lunchtime, he was sent to the office for unsafe behavior, his mom was PISSED he took her pork chops she was preparing for dinner."- swanathonjon
At Least She Wasn't Faking It...
"I didn't send the student; she was from another room, but this really happened where I taught over 25 years ago."
"A girl was sick and the office phone was handed to her to tell her parents to come and get her."
"At least she was honest...because she puked right onto the phone, and it zapped the entire school's PA system somehow."
"This was using, of course, a land line."
"I can't tell you why the secretary didn't just do the talking for her."
"This was in around 1997, and I'm assuming the phone was even older than that, could've been from the '80s."
"The phone was a push-button model, so probably not older than that."
"You used that phone to access the PA, so I'm guessing the stomach acid fried some wires in there."
"Yuck!!"
"My room was across the hall from the office, and yes, we could definitely smell the vomit."
"Couldn't close the door fast enough."- 1989DiscGolfer
張敬軒 Vomit GIFGiphySo, So, Gross...
"A grade 1 student came up to me on the playground telling me another student was making her sick."
"She pointed to another student about 10 metres away, looked at me, and projectile puked on the blacktop."
"Went to the other student."
"He had found rabbit turds on the ground and stuck them in his mouth and was chasing kids around."
"I then puked."
"I didn't go to the office."
"But rabbit turd kid did."- mollymuppet78
Who Knew Teachers Had To Put Up With So Much Vomit?
"A student repeatedly getting on tables and singing Gucci Gang in the middle of class."
"Every. Day. For. Weeks."
"I have since left the profession."- CorieMcP
How Did He Even Get It?
"Kid was selling drugs."
"13 yrs old."
"Cops were involved."
"Had to go to court."
"Was a massive headache all around."- James_Is_Raging
One At Least Hopes She Cooked It?
"When my sister was a substitute teacher a kid ate the dead class fish."
"It was Monday so it might’ve been dead all weekend."- natsugrayerza
Adam Devine Bad Ideas GIF by The Roku ChannelGiphyOne Way Of Handling It...
"A new male student, year 4, gets mistaken by his classmates for being female (he had long shiny hair)."
"I’m guessing this wasn’t the first time this has happened, as he immediately jumped to the top of his desk, pulled out his junk, waved them out to everyone, yelling, ‘what the f*ck is this! I’m a boy, I’m a boy!'."- joelwhite313
Oh, The Innocence Of Children...
"A kid handed me a whole string of condoms in front of the class the day before spring break bc I was getting married over spring break."- m0992104
People Need To Think About Their Lies More Carefully
"It was the second day of my first year teaching (5th grade)."
"A student refused to do a writing assignment because she said she forgot how to write in English."
"When I asked what language she knew how to write in, she said, 'I only know Japanese'."
"Listen, it is plausible a student at my school would be proficient in writing in Japanese."
"HOWEVER, I had already seen her files."
"The likelihood that she knew was fluent in Japanese was a bit far-fetched."
"She eventually told me she also speaks Japanese, so I called her out by asking her to say, 'I don't want to come to school today' using her newfound foreign language skills."
"This 11 year old LITERALLY responded with, 'Ching chang chong!'"
"I sent her to the dean's office for refusing to work and man, OH MAN, did it work out perfectly."
"She sat down with the dean who tried to pry more information from this student."
"Only for the dean to explain to the student she herself is half Japanese and attended school in Japan."
"I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when the student heard the dean speaking ACTUAL Japanese to test the students' knowledge of the language."
"The student eventually said she only knew a few Japanese words, which devolved into her admitting the entire story was a lie to get out of doing an assignment."
"On the second day of school."
"And lies like this went on allllllllllll year long."
"So many hilarious, yet equally sad, stories from that year that I still laugh at eight years later."- 8MCM1
Schitts Creek What GIF by CBCGiphyGoing To The Principal's Office Isn't Always A Bad Thing...
"Not a teacher, but my dad was a bus driver, and one day, this kid gets on the bus, sprinting, and nearly knocks himself out on the chair."
"When my dad goes over to see what's happened, he realizes the kid had no pants on."
"The mother, who drove off in her car extremely quickly, had literally sent this poor kid to school with no pants on."
"My dad got a student he knew really well to sit next to this kid and comfort him, and also make sure everyone else wasn't a**holes."
"My dad, when he finally got to the school, walked this kid into the office and asked for a spare pair of pants."
"Poor kid."
"That mother was an a**hole."- bananaboy65
6th Grade?!
"We were doing sketch comedy in 6th grade a few years back and seeing as it was a nice day we went outside to practice."
"From across the field I see one of my students very clearly and aggressively trying to put his junk on a prone classmate."
"When I asked him, he said it was for his sketch and he was playing a character named 'the iron teabag'."
"The best was the follow up text from my boss saying 'I had to Google what teabagging was before I met with the kid'."- Beirsed1985
Misguided Chivalry
"Kid shows up to class 10-15 minutes late to a 40-minute period."
"7th grade."
"Shawn: 'Sorry Ms. G I was in a bad mood and I didn’t want to bring it to class'.”
"Me: 'Hi Shawn, I will still have to count you tardy. You’re extremely late and I need to know where you are for safety reasons. In the future there’s a counselor request form on my GoogleClassroom page you can fill out'.”
"Shawn: 'Okay thanks'."
"Things went normally for about 10 minutes, until another student shot a rubber band."
"It didn’t hit anyone but Shawn decided to take justice into his own hands."
"In the middle of me giving instruction he gets up, walks slowly across the room (I assumed for a tissue) and smacks the other student across the face."- Pretend_Dog_2253
In truth, being sent to the principal's office is fairly easily avoided.
So much so, that in some of these cases, one almost wants to give them props for creativity.
Redditor thecoragray asked:
"What is the least sexiest thing someone has ever said to you?"
Watch 'Silence of the Lambs' and do the exact opposite.
It's literally that easy.
Flesh Issues
hannibal lecter 90s GIFGiphy“'I want to wear your skin.'”
"Alright Buffalo Bill I’m out."
Bronwynbagel
"My wife says she wants to climb inside my skin and live in me."
zetecvan
The Old Days
"I was in college, right when Pokémon go was at it's peak. I was catching a Jigglypuff before class was starting. This dude next to me said 'Hey baby. I can Jiggle your Puffs' I moved seats."
fairflightt
"What an amateur. He should have said 'Hey baby. You're making my Wiggly Tuff!'"
sweetnumb
Big NAY!
"A few weeks ago, in the midst of getting down and dirty, I said to my SO (in the straightest monotone voice) 'ride me like a horse - neigh.' She instantly starts laughing so hard she starts crying. After replaying it in my head I also start laughing."
Relentless_UK
"That is absolutely not sexy and absolutely hilarious at the same time. Wholesome!"
silvernightdoom
How Old?
Nothing Stick Around GIF by OriginalsGiphy"'You remind me of my old philosophy professor.' The image that immediately popped into my mind was of a geriatric man with heavyset glasses lost in a library."
Judge_T
Remind me of who? No, thank you.
Animation Dog GIF by Jason ClarkeAcknowledge other Humans
"'Why cant I bother people that sleep on the street? They are drugheads.'"
"When she said that I knew that she was not the one, people with that attitude are not for me."
tinytalldude
"I hate how so many people just dismiss homeless people as human beings just by saying they're drug addicts. 'Ok then maybe we can help them get off their addictions and that will eventually help them be more successful in life.'"
"'No they're dug addicts.' People will do anything they can to not recognize them as just other people."
macgregorio21
Slow Down
"When a sexy boss I had told me that if I screwed up what I was doing she'd kick me in my testicles. I know there are people that like that crap and stuff but she really meant it and it was as non-sexual and threatening as it could have been. At the end I didn't screw up and we shared some beers that same day, now she works from her home taking care of her 2 children, never thought she'd be able to have any kids."
xoxoxaxiyo
What's In a Name?
"I've had two women call out (one screamed out) my name during sex. Nothing puts me off more which, in their defense, they didn't know."
"It just comes off as cheesy to me and makes me laugh, pulling me right out of the zone. Nope."
Striking-Ad-9179
"I'm the same way. It takes me out of the moment, like a teacher calling your name while you're daydreaming in class. I'm always like, 'Huh? What do you want?' for a second before it clicks. Then I'm like, 'Ohhhhh right. Right, that. No problem. I got you there.'"
"Thankfully I don't say all of this out loud."
MyPeeSacIsFull
Feeders
Hungry Pet Pig GIF by CameoGiphy"'The way you eat makes me so horny.'"
"It was twenty minutes into our first date. I was eating a salad. There was not a second date, and I gave up entirely after that because it was the third 'feeder' in a row. I have very terrible dating luck. lol."
Donequis
Whew... people really need to think before they speak.
Do you have any crazy comments to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Redditor Similar_Helicopter27 wanted to see who would share about some of life's darker moments, so they asked:
"What's the most f**ked up thing you’ve ever did/saw?"
I've witnessed muggings and car accidents.
That's why I try not to leave the house.
Bounced Back
Kid Dancing GIFGiphy"I saw my little brother getting hit by a car and flying a few meters through the air when he was only 6 years old. Fortunately he didn’t even break a bone but damn, I‘ll never forget this."
ShaiHuludTheFirst
In a matter of seconds...
"The most f**ked up thing I’ve seen was a guy who had just been in a motorcycle accident bleeding out on the side of the freeway. He was clenching onto the hand of the girl who was the driver of the car involved. She was crying hysterically. I saw his hand turn white in a matter of seconds. I remember it whenever I see someone on a bike."
Mellopiex
Like a Movie
"I witnessed a bad car accident once. The car launched off of an overpass as I went under it. The car flipped several times. It was like something out of a movie. I was the first person on the scene, my wife called 911. It was not a pretty sight. wasn't much left of the person's body."
Upbeat-Character-938
That's a NYC Story
Bored Episode 15 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy"Found a dead body on the sidewalk in front of my building on my third day living in NYC. When I told my supervisor about it at work, hoping to process it with someone, she just kind of brushed it off like 'welcome to New York.'"
quinnards
Only in New York is a dead person on the street just another ordinary day.
3AM
excuse me wtf GIF by Chicago FireGiphy"I tripped over a dead body in tall grass working an accident trying to find the missing passenger. It was 3am and raining."
HAWMadden
It was spiritually bad
"I worked for a horse training ranch for a month when I was a kid. Me and the dude I worked with found a cow that had been dead for a while out in the field. It was bloated and gonna' blow soon. We did not engage with the cow, we weren't prepared for a clean up that day."
"When we came back prepared for cleaning the next day it had ruptured and the smell was life changing. It was spiritually bad. Since I was basically an unpaid intern, the paid guys told me to take a hike. 14 year old me took a hike. I was a hard working kid and they knew it so let me off with that one."
ProfessorWhat42
Poor Baby
"The photo evidence for a child murder case that they showed in court when I worked for the department of human services. The parents wanted to retain custody of their older son which is why they were involved with CPS. I was 22. There were just countless pages we had to look at while the expert witnesses explained what we were seeing. The images are burned into my brain forever, and I’ll never forget his name as long as I live. That poor baby."
FloridaMomm
The Boy
"Saw a kid I knew get hit by a car, flip through the air, jump up and picked up one of his shoes and then collapse and got airlifted out. The rest of us were sitting on the corner eating hamburgers. Never saw him again. They said he was paralyzed."
"I brought his banged up bike and glasses and shoes back to my house but they never got picked up. My dad was on the volunteer fire department and managed the Medivac landing and was first on scene because we only lived a few doors down."
unwittyusername42
Silence
Sad Rabbit GIF by Muffin & NutsGiphy"Watching a car traveling at about 130mph in my rear view mirror almost hit me but instead hit the base of a bridge, the crunching sound then bodies flying everywhere, then total silence."
PinotGreasy
"The instant silence after so much noise is odd it is like a second but almost feels like several minutes of pure peacefulness then bam the sound is back and everything is crazy."
Ok_Dog_4059
Well, that is a lot of nightmares being relived.
Bless you all for sharing.
