Honest People Open Up About The Greatest Loss They've Overcome In Their Lives
Going through loss is a hill we all have to climb. No one wants to, and some handle it better than others, but just like death, taxes, and a crazed Trump tweet, loss in some form is an inevitability. Somehow, though, knowing that others have gone through the exact same tragedy as you can make it all easier. So, Reddit user, r/adinarose000, set out to find those people when they asked:
Whats Your Biggest Loss in Life?
My marriage, I guess. Not so much the falling apart of the marriage - it was inevitable, but the fallout of it. Loss of friends, loss of stability and comfort. I was not prepared for the fallout from ending a very serious, long-term relationship and I definitely was not prepared for how long the feeling of loss/failure would last.
Loss Of Chosen Family
My best friend died when he was 18, that was 20 years ago. I still think about him. He was a huge part of my life. My wife and I even named our youngest son after him.
Aware Of The Loss
My mental health. I took too many drugs and went off the deep end.
Psychosis, hallucinations, anxiety.
I'm playing insanity bingo.
A Loss, And A Gain
At age 15 my first week if high school it failed and I was taken to the emergency room and diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes.
Losing The Right
Optic nerve damage after a seizure, so my full field of vision on my right side
Laughing At The Past
My mom. She's been gone 10 years yesterday.
When I asked my mom one day why she never had another kid she told me, "I didn't think it'd be fair because I knew I could ever love another child as much as I love you."
As I sit here sobbing my eyes out because I know I will never feel that kind of love again, I started to laugh because I remember her saying right before she died, "Play REALLY sad songs at my funeral because I want every person in there crying their eyes out over me. Not a dry eye in the house, Jenn."
Every year on this day I seem to get a wonderful gift from her and I got my gift already today and I couldn't be happier.
There will never be a cooler, funnier, loving mother than mine and I'm so lucky I had her for 36 years.
A Kitty Like No Other
My cat. But I think the worst part is that I'm over the loss and have been for quite some time since getting a new cat. Still I do remember the pain of losing it.
So while I'm now more prepared in life for eventually losing someone close to me but I also know that this time I won't be able to replace them.
Loss Of Status
I've been a writer for about five years now, and I've been doing pretty well at it. I've never really had a major flop on a long release, but earlier this month I launched a novel under a new pen name, and it bombed.
On the one hand, I know rationally that these things happen and it was probably a problem with the blurb and the cover; the reviews were solid, and people who read it seemed to enjoy it. On the other, I watched 90,000 words and months of work effectively go down the toilet, and that wasn't fun. I know it's not on the same level as a lot of people's losses, but it was that moment of fear that my childhood dream of being a novelist was just dying in front of me, and that all my future books would go the same way (even though my past books have done OK). It was like a mother bird throwing her baby out of the nest and watching it crash onto the pavement below.
There's 'loss' as in 'absence', but this was definitely 'loss' as in 'as far from a win as you can get'.
The "Missing" Never Goes Away
My best friend drowned himself 9 years ago. I don't think I'll ever stop missing him...
My lack of confidence. Couldn't ask a girl out even at gunpoint.
Have you always lacked confidence and feel like you're missing out on things because you don't go for it or is it something that has evolved over time?
No, I think started losing confidence around starting highschool. I had a lot of toxic "friends", that would put me down whenever I tried to stand out, ask someone out, tried to better my life etc. I cut my friendships with them after HS, but the problem was, they were the only friends I had. Whenever I had a chance to "go for" something, I just didn't take the chance, ever. Got very anti-social, if I wasn't working, I was just sitting home. This snowballed and became the norm, I would feel better to sit at home rather than go to a social event. I have trained myself to never take risks and never to go for anything I wan't, besides the basics like food, shelter, a job to keep myself afloat etc. I'm 26 now, and the longer I go like this, the deeper I will sink in this limbo.
My first girl friend. Never should have lost her.
Gone Before Its Begun
Lost my brother when we were teenagers. We shared rooms til I was 17 and he was 16. We moved frequently when we were young so we had each other when we didn't have any friends at all. It's been 8 years, but I still mourn him. I often think of all the milestones we never got to share together.
When The Last Person Who Gets You
My folks. Yes, for the entire history of history, people have buried their parents. It's still a deeply lonely and soul changing experience. Now my sister is ill, and I've realized she's the last person who remembers me as a child.
That's a very lonely feeling.
They Keep Stacking Up
The biggest losses I've gone through are: my grandpa who was my male role model and who died when I was 10, my dog who kept me alive through my nightmarishly difficult teens, who had to be put down when I was about 26, and my closest friend who I'd been living with for several years, after I had a period of being suicidal to the point of acting on it in my mid 20s.
Burying A Parent
My mom when I was 18, she was all I had and I'm pretty much an orphan now.
When The Only Person Left...
My best friend I lived next door to her for 6 years.
Nobody has touched my life and been there for me like she has. It's been close to two years since she passed. I still cry ???? when I think about her.
When What You Choose Isn't What You Want
I thought i had a big nose and had plastic surgery, but the operation was incredibly botched and I am visibly deformed now.
I miss my symmetry. I cut off my nose to spite my face.
Just Take The World 8 Wormhole
i never beat super mario bros
A Gain, And A Loss
what how it possible you lost your penis ? Strange
I'm a trans woman.
A Horrifying Thought, "So Far..."
So far, my dad.
At one point in our lives, we have struggled to make ends meet and ate whatever we could to survive.
Curious to hear about the palates from strangers online, Redditor knightfall0 asked:
"What is a poverty food you'll always eat no matter how you're doing in life?"
These typical cultural cuisine are popular favorites.
"Cheap can of corn, cheap can of black beans, 3 cups of cheap rice."
"Tortillas for flair."
"Boom! Poverty tacos."
Magic Of Ramen
"Same. I've eaten expensive restaurant meals that still don't compare to a 25 cent ramen package."
"25 cent ramen package with a boiled egg marinated in soy sauce packets and sugar and some spinach if you have any for some veggie chef kiss cheapest dinner but makes it feel fancy."
What's In The Bowl
"Rice bowls are like half the meals I eat anymore."
Presto, Dinner Is Served!
"Random stuff in my fridge fried rice. Take the veggies that are about to go off, throw in some cheap white rice and an egg with some soy sauce and garlic- boom, dinner."
Bread-based meals seem to be an easy go-to choice.
The Sweet Spot
"The butter, cinnamon and sugar on toast combo. Always a classic."
For The Posh Palate
"Beans on toast and if I'm feeling posh maybe i will put an egg on top."
An American Classic
"PB and J. Hasn't failed me yet."
Good 'Ole Cornbread
"Cornbread and buttermilk. Seem to recall that my maternal great grandmother's house in the the early 1960s had a manual pump in the kitchen, an outhouse and oil lamps, no electricity! There was a big stump for splitting wood for the heat and killing chickens. Relatives had tractors but at least one still worked with draft horses...big horses. NE TN. And my Mother would eat salt sandwiches."
"I do like cornbread, various peas and beans and greens...a lot!"
Who said traditional side dishes can't be the main attraction? These folks, that's who.
"Mac and cheese with hotdogs or sloppy joes were top tier. I remember having to be careful to not take too much meat/noodles since we only had one can/box to share."
"If I had a million dollars, we wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner (but we would eat Kraft Dinner)"
This Spud's For You
"Potatoes. Cheap, tasty and filling."
"Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew."
Instant ramen has come a long way. I go to one of several local Japanese markets here in Manhattan and there are literally aisles of a variety of ramen and yakisoba, my personal favorite, stocked on shelves to choose from.
Yakisoba is basically "fried" noodles. It is "instant" because you basically soften the noodles with boiling water and drain it after three minutes.
The sauce packets that come with some of these are an absolute delight, and I usually add scallions or even a hard-boiled egg.
It is cheap, simple to prepare, and absolutely delicious.
As adults, especially those who work with or have kids of their own, we have a responsibility to mold the young minds that will go on to be the adults of tomorrow. They are our future, and we owe it to them to raise adults that will be respectful and kind community members.
There are plenty of things we were taught as kids that we thought were harmless at the time. But years later those same things have become an issue.
We went to ask Reddit to learn about those issues that we should change for the next generation.
Redditor Ok-Department5749 asked:
"What should we stop teaching young children?"
Let's see how many of these things you heard when you were growing up.
Boys will be boys.
"That if someone is picking on them it means they like them. Gonna set them up for a lot of problems later in life."
"I have a personal beef with this one. The boy who harassed me because he 'just liked me' is now in prison for assault."
"Yep. I had my hair pulled and punched by a boy in third grade. Was told by both teacher and principal that it wasn't a big deal. Boys do that all the time and bedsides he probably just liked me."
"I hate that 'boys will be boys' crap."
"Boys will be boys is for when you and the boys decide to use plywood as a bike ramp, not when someone sexually assaults someone else."
You can't be everyone's friend, and that's okay.
"That everyone is your friend. It's not true. I had to tell my 9 year old niece that sometimes people aren't going to like her and it's just how it is. This broke her heart because there's a boy in her class who doesn't like her and she's been trying to win him over. She's so sweet and I hated having to tell her that."
"I am an ECE who works with school-age kids. My line is 'we aren't all friends here, and that is ok, but we have to treat everybody with respect/kindly'. I see lots of ECE's use the 'friend' terminology ex 'we don't hit our friends' 'your friends are trying to sleep'. I avoid the terminology like the plague."
"I've seen it backfire. I had a 7-year old tell me that it was ok that she hurt another child because the other child wasn't her friend (This was this particular child's first year with us)."
"This is great because it helps kids learn to treat others with respect while also helping them manage their own expectations about immediately being friends with/like by everyone (which obviously isn't the case). It's a gentle introduction to reality that will save them a lot of trouble down the line. I mean, I really wish I had been taught to build confidence in myself rather than my confidence depending on whether or not other people liked/approved of me."
"The 2nd part to that lesson is learning that a relationship is only worth your time if both people like each other."
"More importantly, if both people respect each other."
Older doesn't always mean wiser.
"That just because someone's older doesn't mean they are right."
"Maybe we should teach the older generation that just because someone is younger doesn't mean they don't know what they're talking about. That is the problem I've seen."
"My husband's grandma gets mad when she's wrong. She always yells 'Respect your elders!'"
"Umm being wrong is just that. You find a correction and move on. Also, respect isn't just given. If you can't treat others the right way, no matter how many times you scream that stupid phrase at me, I won't respect you."
Consent is important in all contexts.
"That not wanting to hug someone is rude."
"I have four nieces and see this happen to them a lot. The youngest one doesn't always remember me. Her older sisters give me hugs with delight and I always tell the youngest to hug me when she's okay with it. I hate hugging people when I don't want to so I'm not gonna subjugate her to something no one can stand. It's so freaking weird."
"Glad someone said this. Children need to be able to say no to unwanted physical contact."
Stop forcing your kids to eat.
"To finish the food on your plate if you're not still hungry. Note: don't waste food. Save leftovers if you can."
"Was going to say the same thing. Kids are allowed to not like foods the same as adults. We have a 2 bite rule. I don't like avocado, so I don't eat it. My stepdaughter doesn't like green beans so I just don't put them on her plate. I never understood this or the clean plate thing. That can lead to eating disorders later on."
"Also doesn't help with sensory issues."
"My partner just can't handle the texture of 99% of vegetables. So I work around it with veggie noodles and blending vegetables. Since I love to cook, I love the challenge of making something healthy but working around the texture thing (I also have an aversion to some vegetables. Like cauliflower. I can't.)"
"To that end, cooking things in different ways is paramount. Don't just boil some green beans and call it a day. I used to hate collard greens until my mom made 'boozy' greens (I forgot what she put in them for liquor). Other people just boiled them and slapped them on a plate, but what she did was just more harmonious. Complex. Satisfying."
"Once I heard my aunt tell my nieces that they needed to eat everything on their plates, even if they didn't like it, because "someday you're going to start dating and you don't want boys to think you are a picky eater." I had a conversation with my own daughter later about how wrong that statement was."
"My brain audibly broke when I read that. Thank you for telling your daughter how wrong your aunt was."
"Those 'zero tolerance policies' where you get detention because someone punched you in the back of the head make any f*cking sense."
"I've never even heard a valid argument for this. It's always, 'You MUST have done something to incite this.' Like no, some people are just a**holes and you shouldn't be punished for their actions."
"The sole point of this is, and has always been, for school administrators to escape responsibility."
"We had a student break the zero tolerance policy. He got jumped in the hallway, threw his hands out to his sides away from the attacker, and screamed that he wasn't fighting back and that he needed help. Once he went to the floor, he balled up and kept yelling. He was a bigger kid than his attacker and could have handled it, but chose to take the hits."
"When he got called to the office and the zero tolerance policy was brought up, he pointed out that he never fought back, screamed that he wouldn't to de-escalate the situation, and that he needed help like students are taught to do when they are being bullied. Having done everything right, it wasn't a fight, it was an assault and if they punished him for being assaulted under their care, his parents would be blasting this everywhere they could."
"He never got punished and the other kid was expelled."
It's out responsibility to care about the young people in our lives and raise them to be respectful members of the community. It starts with us.
Now that we know better, we must do better.
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People often daydream about the easy life, where they can live in the lap of luxury.
"What would be your first purchase if you came into serious 'f'k you' money?"
People seem to want to be rich enough to live in seclusion.
This Land Is My Land
"Four sections of good pastureland. For those who don't know, that's 2,560 acres, 4 square miles. I'd build in the dead center and never have a neighbor less than a mile from me."
Float In My Moat
"i'd put in a lazy river that ran around the perimeter of my property."
My Own Private Island
"A big old f'k off island a float plane and a self sustained off grid community. Open my fishing camp."
Niche indulgences is the name of the game.
Get You A Fast Car
"SO has always dreamt of driving a Porsche. A very specific model, color, etc. He has it as his screen saver. I would get him that car."
"Paying off the land my husband died protecting so that we can build something to honor him by. Specifically turning it into a retreat for combat vets and active duty members."
"Hire a team of architects to design a big house and put in a bunch of secret passageways and rooms and not tell me how to find them so I can have fun discovering them over time."
"I'd buy a cul-de-sac of posh houses, gate if off and have my friends live there. They all work from home so doesn't matter where."
"Then one day, there will be deliveries to all the houses. Paintball guns. Masks. The full month."
"And as the clock strikes noon that day, I will have a loud battle cry (haven't decided the sound yet) play on a huge speaker."
"I don't need to tell them this is a battle to the death. They will already know..."
These Redditors were concerned about self-preservation without the stress of incurring massive debt.
Take Care Of My Health
"Go to the dentist, optometrist, and doctor without worrying that whatever needs to be done won't cause financial ruin."
"A good lawyer to get me set up for life."
Settle Debts And Drive Off Into The Sunset
"First purchase? Freedom: pay off student loans, mortgage, and any other debt. Can't think of a bigger f'k you :) then a couple Teslas lol"
If I ever came into a ridiculous amount of money, I would first build a retreat somewhere in Venice, Italy, and frequently host a masquerade ball where everyone is required to show up in Venetian Carnivale attire—just short of becoming an Eyes Wide Shut moment.
Then, I would build a luxury home in Tokyo, complete with a theater academy where new productions would constantly be workshopped at night while aspiring young performers hone their skills throughout the day in the many classes taught by my colleagues.
And my home base? Why, it would be near the beaches of Malibu in SoCal, of course.
I would bounce between my three properties in my own private jet.
It's not a big ask, is it?
Most inventions were made with the idea to bring progress to humanity, not to harm it. However, that is not always how things turn out. A prime -and sad- example of this can be found in the life of Alfred Nobel. Most people know his name as the creator of the Nobel Peace prize without a second thought as to what drove him to make such an award.
The tragic truth is that Alfred Nobel invented dynamite with the intent to help with industrial uses. After seeing the horrendous usage of his invention to kill so many people so easily he lived the rest of his life under the weight of an all-consuming regret. That led him to use his fortune to create an award for those who have done incredible things for humanity and peace.
Redditor IndependentHungry840 wanted to know other inventions that met a harmful ending and asked:
“What invention has done more harm than good?"
Constant media panic…
“24 hour news media. It is absolutely one of the most toxic, miasmic, foul things we could have ever come up with." wiredsignal
“What makes it worse is the "news" isn't just news, it's ONLY bad news. There's never an hour of only uplifting, happy stories that happened today. It's just a constant barrage of fear-mongering and misery." AdamNRG
Lead poisoning causes lower IQ and behavior disruption…
“There used to be lead in gasoline; they thought it would improve engine performance. Not only did it ruin people's lungs, many believe that it caused an increase in violent crime, because things like muggings almost disappeared after lead was taken out of gas.” doowgad1
“I'm pretty sure it was proven that after the invention of leaded gasoline, the average IQ dropped. And leaded gas was around for a pretty long time.” Marksman18
“Violent crime massively spiked in the US from about 1970-2000, right when atmospheric lead concentration spiked as well.” Agent_Orange7
Smoking is just bad all the way around…
“Cigarettes. Supposed to relieve stress and help the user feel in control due the nicotine inside which is of course highly addictive. Not to mention the myriad of other harmful things inside of them (Methanol/Rocket Fuel, Arsenic, Stearic Acid/Candle Wax, etc.)" Toa-Magnus
“The worst part is, cigarettes replaced tobacco pipes, which have substantially lower health risks, due to the fact that you don't inhale from a pipe at all, just "sip" the smoke and blow."
“Cigarettes' ease of use and popularity has also lead to tons of small tobacco growers just going straight out of business because the high temps cigs burn at and the filtered tip make the actual quality of the tobacco "less important" insofar as our friend Big Tobacco is concerned. Not to mention that same accessibility making childhood smoking much easier to pick up and hide."
“If you're a long-time smoker and have trouble quitting, you could at least consider transitioning to pipes, the learning curve isn't steeper than a few nights in google, and the smoke smells way better for bystanders than everyone's favorite acrid cancer stick. I mean, it ain't good for you, but it's leagues better than cigarettes." Strudel_Meister
This right here!
“Private prisons, the peak of modern slavery, prisons are meant to be reforming facilities/keeping criminals in check, not a business but if your country thought slavery was okay back then, why it wouldn't work now.” PsychologicalTart602
Education time: Part of the dehumanizing experiences to which prisoners are subjected work to only further isolate them from society making it more difficult to reintegrate upon release. The psychological damage and lack of prosocial connectivity coupled with social stigma and scare resources helps ensure a continuation of the crime cycle with extraordinarily high recidivism rates.
This means the United States prisons stay full so they can keep lining the pockets of the private ownership essentially incentivizing the people who run these correctional facilities to keep any true rehabilitative programming to a bare minimum.
Asbestos, not the fire proof miracle we thought…
“Asbestos insulation." Ancient-Pause-99
“I live where the asbestos mine just shut down ten years ago. You can't get your house tested for asbestos because it's literally in everything, so even brand new houses would test positive from the surroundings. All the other rocks from the mine were used all over in sidewalks, roads, Street lamps, etc.” RoselleLS
Eli Whitney’s inventions…
“Whitney's cotton gin in the 1790's. Made slavery profitable. When I took a class on antebellum economics a argument that had support was that before the 1790s slavery was in decline.” CSMURPHRUN
“Then Eli went on to develop mass production and gave it to the North allowing them to mass produce rifles with interchangeable parts. This led to the North's victory. Eli Whitney had arguably the largest impact on American history of any single person. Essentially providing the tools to start the civil war then end it.” Louis_A_Devil
Social Media Platforms…social media followers GIF by The Orchard FilmsGiphy
“Social media ironically has made it harder to actually socialize with people and imo is responsible for a huge portion of social anxiety around the world." BradRogriguez
|“The issues caused by social media are much deeper than just lack of in-person connection and social anxiety. Mental health overall in teens and young adults is on a decline, and misinformation is spreading rampantly, people are even more divided than ever ideologically” kiwidog8|
“the original social media."
“The guy who invented the megaphone said he felt responsible for Hitler's rise. Before that, the most people you could really talk to at once was like 100. After that, one speech can reach millions.” skeetsauce
“Oh sh*t. The megaphone was the original social media.” Shermione
The lie detector test…
“Polygraph test. Its a stress test, in no way was it ever supposed to a ‘lie detector’. The inventor was beyond horrified and destroyed at the ‘monstrous misuse of his technology by law enforcement’.” MurrayMan92
“I think the way Keurig has evolved is hilarious. They started with the hugely wasteful cups that lots of people used. Eventually people realized how wasteful they were and pressured Keurig to make reusable cups. Now they're just a normal coffee machine.”
“They came from nowhere, invented a new technology, and eventually just ended up using the same old technology as their competitors and somehow ended up coming out on top” Lemon_Tile
While good intentions proceeded these inventions there certainly were grave consequences. It shows the bad sides of humanity in that if it can be weaponized it will be.
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