Honest People Open Up About About Their Bad Traits They Can't Seem To Change[rebelmouse-image 18351015 is_animated_gif=
Nobody's perfect. Well some of us are, ok maybe just 98% of the time. So there is definitely time in there for a pesky bad habit or unshakeable life trait or two... or ten to rear it's ugly head. It's difficult to own up and admit the few things that we feel are flaws. What humans fail to recognize though is the fact that those "flaws" are part of what make us so endearingly real. We're allowed a few quirks here and there.
Redditor lasanjawanted to know **What's a bad trait of yours you're aware of, but can't seem to change? One can only do so much.
DIAL IT DOWN A BIT...
Controlling the volume of my voice.
IT'S ME ISN'T IT?[rebelmouse-image 18351016 is_animated_gif=
I have a hard time trusting people, or believing that people actually enjoy having me around. I always assume people have a negative opinion of me. It sucks, but I'm trying really hard to break it.
COULD YOU REPEAT THAT?[rebelmouse-image 18351017 is_animated_gif=
I have a hard time remembering things people tell me unless it requires action or my effort.
ONE THING AT A TIME... FOCUS...[rebelmouse-image 18351018 is_animated_gif=
I think I experience this because I often daydream when other people are talking. I've got to make a concerted effort to make the person I'm talking to a priority and decide to focus on them while they're talking. And I CAN'T multitask. Like, try to talk to a friend who is having a bad day on the phone while I grocery shop? Nope. I'll end up pacing the isles and forgetting what I was supposed to be doing. I've just got to put aside some time to talk to friend, then deal with reorganizing my time for what I had planned to do. I just end up being a crappy friend when I try to talk and do something else at the same time and I miss details of the convo.
JUST SAY...[rebelmouse-image 18351019 is_animated_gif=
I have a very difficult time saying 'No.'
GET OFF YOUR #@%@....[rebelmouse-image 18978385 is_animated_gif=
I'm really lazy. I mean, I can function - get to work, get dressed, feed myself and my kids. However, most of the time I'd prefer to park myself in front of a TV and do nothing at all. I "clean" my house, meaning I pick up everything, but it hasn't had a good cleaning when chemicals, etc in awhile - or a dusting. So lazy. Really need a maid because I know after this long, counting on me to magically get the ambition to do it regularly is never going to happen.
GET MOVING SNOWFLAKE...[rebelmouse-image 18978386 is_animated_gif=
I get paralyzed when I have important life changing things to do. I always wait until it is too late to do them because the fear of confronting them is paralyzing to me
TRY THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE.[rebelmouse-image 18978387 is_animated_gif=
I over share what's going on in my life. I have no idea why, but it just spills out of me. I try to stop, but I only realize I'm doing it after talking to people.
SHOULDERS BACK...[rebelmouse-image 18978388 is_animated_gif=
My posture. The difference is huge but I can never hold it for more than a few minutes before I'm slouched over again
MY FACE SAYS IT ALL...[rebelmouse-image 18978389 is_animated_gif=
Resting b_*_h face. I can try to hold a different expression, but my face gets tired.
I swear I'm not an a**hole. Anyone can approach/talk to me. :(
JUST LET ME DO IT...[rebelmouse-image 18978390 is_animated_gif=
I try to fix everything. Someone wants to vent to me about something, I propose a solution to what appears to be a problem. Really, the person just wanted to vent, they didn't want a solution.
THE NIGHT OWL...[rebelmouse-image 18978391 is_animated_gif=
I love staying up late because it's so peaceful when the world goes to sleep, but I hate staying up late when I'm extremely tired the next day.
THE ALTERNATE REALITY...[rebelmouse-image 18978392 is_animated_gif=
Getting caught up in daydreaming/fantasies. My God they're addictive (and really just an escape from reality) and it's so hard to get out of it.
PLAY IT SAFE...[rebelmouse-image 18978393 is_animated_gif=
I'm afraid to take risks, and by the time I'm confident enough to do something, I already missed out on an opportunity.
ME, MYSLEF AND I ALONE...[rebelmouse-image 18978394 is_animated_gif=
I enjoy my "me" time a little too much. My social skills are fine but it's getting harder and harder to leave the house.
NO PEOPLE PLEASE...[rebelmouse-image 18978395 is_animated_gif=
Social anxiety, but it comes off as me being stuck up to everyone else.
JUST SAY "HELLO"[rebelmouse-image 18978396 is_animated_gif=
I've also realized this recently. I don't join conversations, or wave to people who are already talking... basically, I hate the idea that I might be interrupting someone, bothering them, getting in the way, etc. I've been thinking that way for years, and only recently have I found out that I came off as a jerk who thinks he's too good for other people. I'm really the opposite (at least I try my best to not be a jerk), where I constantly feel I'm not good enough for others.
INTENSE TUNNEL VISION...[rebelmouse-image 18978398 is_animated_gif=
When I have things to concentrate on (exams/assignments) I kind of close down the other parts of my brain that make me a friendly person, have a sense of humour, conversationalist etc.
Like I go into work-robot mode until it's out the way and I can be a human again. I think it's partly due to leaving things last minute so I don't really have time for other things.
DON'T OVER REACT![rebelmouse-image 18978400 is_animated_gif=
I get jealous and irritated easily sometimes. I hate it.
And an_uncreative_name wasn't alone with this topic.
Jealousy sucks, and if you're in someones presence when you find yourself being jealous they'll know. It doesn't have to be brought up, because it is on your mind and changes how you hold yourself which people can recognize.
What can you do about it? Recognize your jealousy, and deny it manifestation in your psyche. This is hard and will take time, but when you feel spited you have to realise that 99 times out of 100 the other person is not intending to make you jealous. We're all human and looking out for ourselves, sometimes we do or say stupid shit but that's life. We don't know when or how it affects others, just that it does.
Reflect on situations that have made you jealous in the past. Think about their outcomes. Were they positive or negative? Why were they like this? How did your jealousy morph your perception of reality? Maybe you're jealous by someone you love, how does that affect them? Now, reflect on your expectations of others. By creating expectations, you'll earn disappointment. Being disappointed or let down by someone will lead to jealousy. Reflection is key to reducing jealousy next time you recognize it.
Now we're here. You've reflected on your jealousy and what irks you, but you've just been pitted against your jealousy again. Good on you for recognizing it. Breath. Remember what being jealous will earn you, and remember that the person making you jealous has no malicious intent. If you truly feel like you've been done wrong, bring it up and speak calmly and meaningfully about it. Otherwise, look back on your past reflections and remind yourself it is just not worth it.
The greatest things jealousy have earned me is a breakup and separately a codependent relationship. I've lost many friends and have seen it ruin other people. I know this is very broad but the best advice I can give is just reflect on it. Spend time alone in a quiet space or with calming music and find the roots of your jealousy by means of reflection.
LIFE IS NO JOKE.[rebelmouse-image 18978402 is_animated_gif=
I joke around too much. It's my way of coping with stress, anxiety, and other emotions and while it can be enjoyable at times, I know it can be frustrating for others too.
The key to any successful relationship is communication.
The ability to be open and receptive to what a significant other has to say, as well as the ability to be able to convey something weighing on one's mind, can be healing.
But depending on the circumstance, some things are better left unsaid.
Curious to hear examples of what those might be, Redditor FamiliarFarmer8356 asked:
"What's something you wish you could tell your partner without upsetting them?"
If there is conflict, there is a way to discuss and address the issue in a civil and respectful manner.
Things Just Happen
"Every bad thing that happens doesn't require someone to be blamed for it. And that someone doesn't always have to be me."
A Cornerstone Of A Successful Union
"One of the cornerstones of a good marriage, is knowing how to argue. I’d actually say that before a couple get married, they should check how their potential partner behaves in an argument. What are they like when they get angry. It’s important because no two individuals are going to agree all the time. And on those occasions, it’s important to remember not to belittle the other. Deal with the issue at hand. And especially, don’t argue in front of the kids. You have no idea how much lasting damage this causes."
"All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership."
It's Not That Deep
"please stop complaining about everything."
"If you keep seeking out reasons to be miserable, you will find them."
"I'm tired of being dragged down with you."
There's no need to get defensive when there's something to discuss.
It's Not About You
"That some days I’m just tired from class and work and just want some me time, it’s not that I hate you my social battery is just running out."
"Her first reaction to something adverse doesn't have to be anger."
In The Words Of A Pirate
"In the wise words of captain Jack Sparrow sometimes:"
'the problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude toward the problem.'
It Takes Two To Tango
"That I wish she’d be more independent so she didn’t need my help for everything outside the house."
"That it’s a little disturbing how aggressively he drives when he’s grumpy… heavy on both gas and brakes, zooming in and out of traffic, swearing at people who make mistakes… very unlike him."
Sometimes the truth hurts when talking about members of the family.
A Real Assessment
"That her mother is not a good person."
"I told my husband that it's not that his family is nosy and overbearing, it's that I hate watching him cave and negotiate as if they have a right to behave like this, and I really hate when I'm the bad guy for wanting reasonable limits."
"It got worse, then it got better, FYI."
"His parents are greedy, selfish people and treat him like an atm."
There's definitely a fine line between withholding your thoughts to protect the person you love and being brutally honest.
If coming clean isn't going to resolve an issue, then it might be better to suck it up and deal with whatever frustrations you have about the other person.
It's up to you, but make sure the delivery doesn't come from a place of rage if you do decided to be totally transparent about your negative thoughts.
Every family has a black sheep or every family in its entirety are black sheep.
What is a "black sheep" anyway?
It used to mean a person who brought shame or embarrassment to a family, but it's more often used now to mean the member who is just very different from everyone else—sometimes in a good way.
Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
DW_555Oh My Wow GIFGiphy
"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
DarthDreganJohn Stamos Cheers GIF by GrandfatheredGiphy
Sounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
Lvcivs2311Joe Dirt Brother GIFGiphy
"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
Back2BachExcited Julie Andrews GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphy
Well the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Sex is great, but there are more ways than one to accomplish that euphoric feeling without sex.
There are so many small, ordinary aspects of life that can just send a person and we come across them daily.
A good steak.
A home repair.
The things that make you say...
"I tingle all over."
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
FloatingRelaxed Exit Strategy GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy
"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
The ItchScratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy
"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Itching an itch can change a life.
YUM!Emma Stone High Quality GIFGiphy
"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
A Good Restdog puppy GIFGiphy
"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
I am enthralled by all of those things.
People need to stop throwing out unwanted advice.
And when it is requested, think before you speak.
People with mental disorders don't need everyone telling them they have a fix like "exercise" or "herbal supplements."
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duhseth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
"Everybody goes through that."
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
"They try to minimize it."
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
RelaxCalm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy
"You need to calm down."
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
TipsSeason 23 Reaction GIF by Law & OrderGiphy
"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
"'Stop being lazy.'"
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
'contamination'Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy
"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.