We've all had those moments where we think it couldn't possibly get any worse... and then it does. Well, these people share those moments from their lives and they're oh-so-deliciously horrible. Enjoy!
My wife of 10 years left me in May because she "never actually loved me".
In August I found out that before she actually filed for divorce in July she had started dating a new guy who she fell in love with after just meeting him. While struggling to get through this, I was told by our 5 year old that the new boyfriend had bought her underwear that my ex had my daughter "model her new underwear" and took pictures of it to send pictures of to the boyfriend.
My mum lit a bonfire and left it unattended, which set fire to the grass which set fire to the garden shed which set the hedge on fire which blew up some gas canisters which set fire to a rat nest which spewed burning rats all over the yard which the fire fighters chopped in half with axes which my dad had to clean up.
This is absolutely 100% true and although it left my brother with a nasty rat phobia we survived intact. The smell of burning rat was the worst part.
Two of my friends had a falling out. I was dying to know what was going on between them, because they lived together and I felt like I was watching mommy and daddy get divorced. One friend was never around and the other told me he honestly didn't know what going on.
After a couple months, I finally got some one-on-one time with the other friend, who explained everything to me in detail. Basically he asked if he could date the other friend's cousin, who emphatically said NO. But, since the other friend had dated his cousin without asking, he violated bro-code and started seeing her anyway.
In dating this girl, he came to find out that she and the other friend were more than just cousins... They had carried on a physical relationship for years. Basically they fooled around whenever the family wasn't looking.
But hold on! It gets worse... He was told this went on for 10 years. The girl was 22. Her cousin was 24. They had been having sex since middle school.
But hold the heck on! It gets worse... The girl's father, and her cousin's father, are identical twins. Let that sink in for a second. Genetically, they are half-siblings.
At that point in the story, I downed my beer and apologized for even asking about what was going on. I wished I'd never known. As a follow up, they no longer live together or speak to each other. I'm still really close with the incest-free friend. I see the other friend in passing and we're still friends, but its hard to look him in the eye.
A month ago our ceiling fell down and caused a total mess, the room was destroyed. Nightmare.
Then wasps started coming in - lots of wasps.
Turns out we had a few nests in our roof, and they were coming in the newly formed hole. So the exterminator came, sprayed his spray and we watched as over the following few days literally thousands of wasps fell from the vortex to hell until they all died.
Then our roofer came round to remove what was left of the rotten timber and plaster. I heard a blood curdling scream and saw the poor man swarmed with wasps. Turns out the nest was bigger than the exterminator thought (it was over three feet long) and very much still active. He came and removed the nest, still crawling with wasps.
Then our insurance company said they wouldn't cover any repairs as it was wear and tear (from a leak we had no way of knowing about!)
Then that weekend my cat died and she was really cute and I'll never know joy again.
Last effing April.
My dog died. He was only about 7 years old, and an undiagnosed tumor ruptured and he died within a few hours.
And then my dad's cancer started growing again.
And then my mom was diagnosed with cancer.
And then my father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer.
All within a few weeks.
My brother moved to Vermont to work at a ski resort to escape his stressful job in Philly. Before he even started his first day of work, he skied into a tree and broke his collar bone, leaving him unable to work there. He next found a job on a passenger train in Alaska working as a bartender. On one of his days off he was playing basketball with coworkers and tore his ACL (that he had torn years before in high school). After coming home for surgery/recover, he landed a job in Denver. He was mountain biking down a slope and managed to hit his head on a tree which gave him a major concussion. Days later, his girlfriend and he were having lunch at a restaurant and he lost consciousness, fell out of his seat, and coded. His girlfriend performed CPR until paramedics arrived to take him to the hospital. Fortunately, he was resuscitated!
Coming home from work on a Friday night at around midnight with a 6 pack of beer (it was from a bartending job) and my neighbours were partying.
I was new to the apt complex but I used to work with the neighbour so I knew her and her bf. So instead of complaining about the raucous noise I grabbed 2 beers and headed over to say, "turn down the music or let me in!"
I banged on their door (keep in mind there is a peep hole in the apt door) and someone who was not her bf opened the door. His name is Jamie and I recognized him as the bf's co-worker. Jamie is obviously naked (his crotch is hidden by the door, but that was it), sweaty. I'm thinking I've intruded on some nefarious cheating and want no part of it.
I gasp out an apology and start making a bee-line back to my apt. Somehow he donned pants and managed to chase me back and got to my apt door just as I got there. With his hand on my door he says, "Its ok, you can join us, just please have an open mind...".
I want no part of this, but I was the one that knocked and spewed out my stupid line about wanting to join before I realized who I was speaking to. Now I felt obligated to "act" nice because he was.
As I was verbally protesting, he led me back down the hallway to her apt holding me gently by my wrists (the beers were still in each hand), while saying softly over and over, "...just have and open mind...". I was so unhappy.
As we entered the apt I saw it was filthy, I mean full on disgusting. So I thought maybe that's why I had to have an open mind, because the place looked like feral animals lived in it and I was actually starting to feel a sense of relief.
As he lead me around a corner to the kitchen I am absolutely in shock by the amount of filth everywhere. I see the kitchen floor, in fact I could barely see it because it literally looked like no one had washed or swept it in YEARS.
As I was held mesmerized by the filthy floor I hear in Gollum's voice (not joking)... "not her, not her!!". I raised my eyes above the kitchen floor to see where this voice is coming from. It's coming from my former co-worker who is sitting in the corner of the kitchen naked, except she is wearing a dog collar and some sort of leather dog-like body strap/leather with her boobies hanging limply through the leather straps. Seeing her sitting naked on that horrendously dirty floor and pointing at me with a long, super skinny knobby arm and saying (seriously, just like Gollum)... "Not her, not her!..".
Omfg, I then take in the entire scene. It was just not her sitting on that floor, she was sitting beside her bf who had obviously had thrown on some underwear while Jamie was collecting me.
I realize that Jamie had brought me in to add to their disgusting threesome (these are NOT attractive people not that that would've made a difference, but still)! I scream, "OMFG NO!!! NO WAY! NOT ME! YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT!!!" And I run back to my apt.
I'm literally walking in confused circles in my kitchen when I hear a loud knock on my door and I yell, "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" But the knocking continued, so with my door chain in place I yank the door open and there's Jamie, leaning against my door frame and saying, "Shelley is really concerned with what you just saw..." I don't remember what I screamed at him but I screamed at him then slammed the door.
A friend of mine found out her husband was cheating, huge blowout, and he moved out that night.
The next morning she woke up still shell shocked, and discovered her 10-year-old black lab had died in the kitchen.
Came home from work to find my fianc in bed with someone else, three months before the wedding. It gets worse. I'm a female, my ex-fiance a male... The other person... ALSO a dude. Turns out he was using me to hide his sexuality from his family, too afraid to come out of the closet. It gets worse. I came back the next day for my stuff. He pushed me THROUGH a wall and down a flight of stairs. I'm okay now. It was a while ago. Now have a very stable, safe, honest relationship with a great guy. Who thankfully isn't cheating, and isn't in the closet.
I took an hour long train ride to San Francisco to meet some friends that were visiting. I ended up skating 6 miles in the wrong direction, then fell and skinned the back of my hand, finally met my friends but could only hang out for a short time because it took me so long to get to them, then my phone was stolen at the train station, the train was FULL of rowdy drunk people, then the train hit someone and we were stopped for 3 hours, a drunk driver almost hit me on my walk home.
Then I tried to fart and crapped myself a couple blocks from home.
When I got home I just sat in the shower with a beer.
Back in April on my birthday, my family came over for dinner and cake. It was my sister, her husband, my niece, my parents, my brother, his then fianc, and my gf.
So we're having a nice time, eating hoagies (subs for those not from philly) and my newly 2 year old niece decided to jump on the couch. While my sister headed over to stop her, my niece slipped and with a loud bang hit her head on the coffee table.
My sister yelped and quickly scooped up her daughter. My niece was crying and my sister was trying to calm her. Everything was quiet for a moment; then my sister screamed. She rushed into the kitchen and I looked at my niece's head.
There was blood. A lot of blood.
We spin into a panic as my sister is hyperventilating. I quickly soak up the blood with a paper towel and notice only a very tiny cut, she didn't even need stitches. My father grabbed some ice and a rag and put pressure on the cut. My Brother-in-law took my sister and niece to the hospital as the rest of us cleaned up a bit before heading over.
As we're cleaning, my 14-year-old deaf cocker spaniel decided he wanted a hoagie. I glance over to the table, only to see his face slowly reaching for one. We all notice and run over to stop him. But that hoagie was no more; only scraps remained.
So as we were cleaning said scraps, my dog walks back into the kitchen, looks at us... and craps on the floor.
25 or so years ago I was working in a restaurant. I was working a double one day and on my break, I called my answering machine to check my messages at home.
First message is from my Mom. The doctor has just told her she has stage 4 lung cancer.
Next message is from my Dad, (they're divorced and live in different states.) The doctor has just told him he has stage 4 lung cancer.
So, not only are both my parents dying, but they're doing so at the same time 800 miles apart.
That was the day life stopped being fun.
Yes, they both were smokers. They were from a time when everyone did.
And yes, it was an awful time. My siblings and I just sort of got through it. It completely turned all our lives upside down but it drew us all closer together.
They both passed away within a year.
My birthday earlier this year, I was written up by my boss. And they delivered it to me on my birthday. Kept me after work for an hour, still going over my write-up. I was written up for "not following up," when in reality, her door was always closed and she never responded to emails.
The next day I left for a trip, but woke up with a migraine. Flying with a migraine really sucks.
A few days later, when I flew home, the flight was delayed a few hours, but I had tickets to an event at the arena back home that evening. I landed an hour before the event started and my friend picked me up in his truck so we could go straight to the arena. He has a big pick-up and it doesn't fit well in the arena garage, so he had to park it in one of the neighboring business lots. During the event, his truck windows were smashed in and all of my bags were stolen, including everything I got from my family for my birthday, things I purchased in CA, and my tablet and wireless headphones that the arena wouldn't let me bring in because the bag was too big. And my house keys and medication.
The police took three hours to meet us so we could give our report. In the meantime, my roommate is out partying somewhere and refuses to meet me to bring me a set of keys so I could go home. By the time I finally got home (12:45 AM with only a sweatshirt and 22 degrees outside in early February), I had to call a locksmith to let me in my own home. He had to drill my deadbolt out. $225 because my roommate was too busy partying.
I have renter's insurance so my personal property was covered. I made my claim, and the agent told me they also cover replacement value, meaning if they valued something at $50 and I had to spend $80, they'd pay me back that $30. So I go about my time getting back some of my clothes, leather jacket, lesser quality headphones, etc. Then they underpay me. I asked him why he didn't pay the replacement cost. He said he could show that he could get it for this price, so that's what they paid. He completely renegged on what he told me. (It's not like I don't understand what he's saying, but that's not the deal he sold me in the beginning. And I went to the same stores as where the original items came from; I wasn't trying to upgrade my life from this.)
So birthday to theft was 4 days. Insurance was another 3 weeks.
Eff this last birthday.
I once got my period at school and forgot to bring tampons with me. I had to text my dad (which was very awkward for me) to bring me a bunch of tampons at school. He brought them to the office and I picked them up. No sooner had I got back to class, when I realized I had leaked, I could feel it. I asked to go to the bathroom and inspected the damage when I got there. It was like World War III in my pants.
Apparently I had gushed a good amount all at once, which meant there was blood clearly visible on my butt and down the leg of my jeans. I couldn't even go back to class like that. They were dark blue jeans, so I figured I could rinse them in the sink and you wouldn't be able to tell they were wet. I was very wrong. While rinsing the jeans got the blood out, they were now completely soaked in the crotch, it looked like I sat on the toilet with my pants on and my whole rear fell in. The bell that ends first hour rang while I was still in the bathroom. I had to act fast, so I just soaked my pants entirely and put them back on. You couldn't tell they were wet, but my god it felt awful.
I then left the bathroom as fast as I could, hoping to run into my friend who had gym that day so I could borrow his gym shorts. I found him, and he was really confused as to why I was asking for his pants. I told him to touch my leg, and when he felt my soaked jeans he just gave me a look. I told him not to ask, and he gave me his gym shorts.
I had to go back to my first period class, wearing shorts that were obviously too big, carrying my jeans, and explain to my teacher that I "got sick."
That would all be bad enough, but it gets worse. My friends and I would sit on the ground outside for lunch, and apparently I had sat in fresh gum. I didn't realize this until I stood to get up and felt a breeze on my bum. The shorts stuck to the ground and stretched when I got up, effectively making me moon everyone at lunch. After all was said and done, I had to explain to my friend that his shorts were covered in gum and I'd have to clean them before returning them.
FUN FACT: peanut butter really does get gum out of stuff, and it even works on gym shorts.
First job, 3rd shift, at a fast food taco place which shall remain unnamed. It was very mismanaged. It was not uncommon to run out of things.
car-I would like a beef supreme burrito.
me-Sorry sir, but we are currently out of beef...
car-okay, I will take stake then.
me-...and stake. We currently have chicken and beans.
car- okay... I will take chicken then. I would also like a large baja blast.
Me-sigh... We are currently out of baja blast. Also we are out of large cups. Normally I would just give you the xl cups and say nothing but we are out of those too.
car- really? wow. Um... What about 2 medium lemonades.
me-this guy is really desperate man... okay no intention of charging for drinks for putting up with everything
car- and can I have some Fire sauce too?
car- ..., What do you have?
car- why are you open?
me - I have no idea ...
Car- okay I will take the mild then. That will be all.
me- thank you, your total is (...) pull around
give food drinks, drives off.
car 2 or many more that night- Can I have beef (whatever the hell)
You know how everyone has that one "party" story? The one that, no matter how hard you try, will never be topped? Well, I'm a second year college student who attends a university that likes to go by the mantra of "work hard, play hard", and this is that story.
A couple of weeks ago, I was invited to a pretty big annual event at my school that had a reputation of having a pretty wild afterparty. My buddy (let's call him Dewey) had just finished his semester and I hadn't, so he was pretty bored back in our hometown. I figured that, since he had nothing to do back at home, I would bring him to the afterparty and he could crash back at my dorm for the night, have a good time and all that. And we did. We had a fantastic time. Even made it back to my dorm in one piece somehow. I thought we just went back and crashed, but apparently some serious stuff went down after the party that I didn't hear about until later, and by then there was nothing I could do except laugh and think "there's no way that happened."
So fast forward to the morning after. It's windy outside and Dewey and I are sitting at a dining hall having some delicious hangover food. Suddenly, this conversation comes up:
"Dude...I did something last night."
"What did you do?"
"Dewey, what the heck did you do?"
Then he hits me with what ACTUALLY happened that night after we left the party. Apparently, I was too blacked out to remember, but he definitely wasn't. And once he started recalling the story, I began to remember the crapshow that transpired afterwards. To this day, whenever I tell this story, people don't believe me...until I show them. But I'll get to that later.
So we leave the party, stumble our way back to the dorm, and get into the elevator, since I live on the 7th floor. We get out of the elevator without incident and kind of just plop down in my floor's lounge, which was thankfully empty. Seems alright. But then Dewey throws up. Everywhere. On the couch, on the study tables, on the floor, on the walls...no surface was safe from his wrath.
At this point, I'm already disgusted and thinking "oh crap, he's my guest so I'm responsible for this... housing probation here I come". But then it got worse. It got so much worse.
After the pukepocalypse, he then says he has to "go". So I hand him my ID card so he can swipe into the bathroom, which I should mention is a mere 20 feet away from us. But he turns me down and says, "Nah man, I gotta go now...like right now...and it's gonna be a big one".
Dewey then opens my lounge window, sticks his buttcheeks out, and proceeds to release the Kraken all over the side of my precious dormitory building. And when I say release the Kraken, I mean it. The immediate assault to my senses told me that it was easily the most disgusting toilet slammer I've ever been witness to in my entire life, including my own. Imagine every terrible poop you've ever taken multiplied by the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns. It was like watching the Slime fall and splatter everywhere on the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards. The sound it made was awful too, like something just died and these were its final gurgles. Just the smell alone probably could have killed most small animals.
He finishes unleashing his unholy intestinal sewage all over the side of my building while I sit there just agape, but too drunk to do anything about it. Then we nonchalantly stroll back to my room and promptly pass out.
Back to the present: I'm horrified. Disgusted. Never in my life would I have imagined I would be privy to anything like this. But eh, what's done is done, no harm done right?
I make my way back to my building and ride the elevator up so that I can relax and nurse my hangover. In the elevator, I hear this conversation between two girls:
"I can't believe someone did that to our lounge."
"Yeah, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen...it smelled pretty bad in there too. The cleaning lady says it's either really bad throw up or something way worse."
"Do they know who did it?"
"I don't know, but they must have been living higher up to hit floor 4. At least it didn't get inside or anything."
Now I'm curious. And I think I know exactly what happened. So I get off on the fourth floor, enter their lounge, and lo and behold, I see this masterpiece.
Yep. That's Dewey's poop. Smeared all over the window of the lounge three floors below me.
Apparently, some people were peacefully studying at 3 in the morning the night that this slime went down when all of a sudden...WHAM, Dewey's butt babies slammed into their window hard enough to make the glass shake. The wind must have hurled it sideways mid-descent, causing his work of art to splatter onto their window with a resounding thud.
I take one good look (and smell), snap the picture, and flee to my room practically dying from laughter. Then I tell pretty much all of our friends back at home because, come on, how do you not tell everyone about that? I didn't tell any of my college friends though, I don't need that kind of blood (poop?) on my hands, and for good reason. Admin heard about it and basically put out a warrant for the capture of whoever did the deed or for anyone who helped them do it. I basically had to be on my toes for the rest of the semester in fear of being charged as an assistant to this assailant of justice. People from other dorms eventually heard about it and began sullying the good name of my building, calling it "Crap Central" and other hilarious names.
They didn't just forget about him either. For the rest of the year, the "Phantom Sh-tter" became something of a legend. No one knew who it was, but they know what he did, and what he's capable of. His legacy lives on--in me, in you, but mostly in the poop smears he left trailing down the side of my dormitory. Those are a little bit harder to wash off.
My sister was driving one day and we decided to stop for bubble tea and fried chicken (it's a thing). Having just gotten my driver's license and feeling lazy, I suggested a game of rock paper scissors. Loser goes out and buys the bubble tea and fried chicken. I won, so I moved over to the driver's seat and waited.
However, I was double parked at an active garage, and as fate would have it, the door started opening. At that moment, I made the fateful decision to drive off and double back. This was before GPS and I was unfamiliar with the roads, so I drove up around 7 blocks and not seeing any easy way to double back, decided that my best course of action was to make a u-turn...at night...on a busy main road. You can see where this is going now.
Anyways, I pulled over and waited for an opportunity to make a u-turn. Finally I had an opening and gassed it. Nope. Cue loud screeching noise and sound of metal ripping. Turns out there was a car in my blind spot and I shredded the entire passenger side of the car with my stupid idea.
I jumped out of the car and so did the lady in the other car. In a full on panic, I told the lady that the car was my sister's and I had to go get her from the coffee shop a few blocks away. Without waiting for a response, I left the car and ran back to the store. Out of breath, I told my sister that I had gotten into an accident and she hurried with me back to the site.
It turns out the unfortunate lady I had hit had JUST gotten her car from the dealership. The plates weren't even on yet and worst of all, she was only two blocks away from home! Talk about unlucky right? But wait, there's more!
In my hurry and panic, I had forgotten to turn off the headlights to my sister's car. The car battery was drained and we had to call my aunt to come jump the car since neither of the cars had jumper cables.
As if that weren't enough, I then proceeded to accidentally spill the bubble tea all over the driver's seat. Needless to say, my sister was not happy that day. The cops never came, we waited two hours and ended up going to the precinct to just file a report. Icing on the cake: we left the fried chicken back at the bubble tea place.
This is the true story of my ex and I, and why I decided to ditch America and live abroad.
So, my ex-fiancee-- let's call her Emily-- was always jealous of my best friend, "Jenny." Emily was jealous of every woman who came in contact with me, at work, in my neighborhood, you get the picture. But I had a looong, platonic relationship with Jenny, and I wasn't willing to stop being friends with her. I sometimes snuck off for beers with Jenny, but never cheated-- it wasn't even on my mind.
Anyway, I came home from one of these beer nights, to discover Emily hacked my email password, and saw my emails making plans to meet Jenny. We had a huge fight, but things calmed down and we tried to return to normalcy.
Nope, one night while playing card games with some friends at our place, I dropped a card under the table, and realized that Emily and another friend were playing footsies under the table. It wasn't until he put his hand on her thigh that I put my cards down, and punched him square in the face. POW! Broken nose.
This friend-- let's call him Chad-- was a big source of comfort for Emily while she and I were patching things up. Sometimes they came home at dawn, but I was asking Emily to trust me with Jenny; I could certainly extend that trust to Chad. Anyway, days later, Chad threatened to file charges, but mutual friends talked him out of it.
But, oh, it gets worse! At the time, I was living in a two-story home with my best friend from college, and his own fianc. They took the top floor, and Emily and I, and my dog, took the bottom. My best friend kept his cats on the second floor, because I'm terribly allergic to cats, but he saw his chance. He asked me to move out, so I could take my dog. His reasoning: Oh, Emily's from Ohio, and your mom's relatively close-by; you could go back to your mom's but Emily can't just pick up and leave. I severed contact with him immediately, and never looked back.
But, oh, it gets worse! A week goes by, and I'm completely miserable, but then comes Emily's phone call. She had a miscarriage! She had no idea she was even pregnant! I was a mess of emotions. "Whose was it," I ask Emily. She tells me she doesn't know.
But, oh, it gets worse! Emily's mom drives up to my mom's place-- from Ohio to New York-- banging and screaming at our front door, threatening that she's gonna sue for mental anguish leading to the miscarriage. I decide I had enough of America, and that I needed to go explore the world and just learn how to enjoy things again. So now I'm in Japan.
I got pregnant from IVF, but the baby passed away at 6 months. My husband and I decided to pursue Chinese adoption, but both parents had to be 30. I was 30, but hubby was 28.5...sigh. Great...more waiting.
I start working on the mountain of necessary paperwork involved, though I'm still grieving the loss of my daughter. I had all the paperwork organized in a huge plastic portable file. The file was in my car, as I was going to get stuff notarized after work. While I'm at work, my car is stolen. Yep, the car with all my paperwork. Paperwork that included our social security numbers and all our tax returns.
Two days later the car is found, total loss...shot up with bullet holes. Luckily the paperwork was there. I had a bag full of birthday gifts for my nieces and nephews in the trunk (not visible from the outside), as I was going to drop them off at my sister's. You guessed it...the thieves took the gifts. The only thing they left was the adoption paperwork and a Bible.
So, I get a new car the following week, and one night a cop pulls me over. He claims I didn't come to a complete stop at a stop sign, but I seriously did. He asks for my insurance info, but I left it on the kitchen counter, as I had just gotten this new car the day before. I explained the situation but he still gave me a sizeable ticket.
Several months pass, and I'm almost done completing all the adoption paperwork. Yay! I wake up in the morning to get ready to ship it all to the consulate, and I see that my cat had jumped onto the kitchen island and literally shredded our marriage certificate! There was no way to even tape it together. The even bigger problem is that we got married in Jamaica so we had to contact the Jamaican government to get a certified copy. This delayed the adoption process by several more months.
Throughout all of this, I'm still grieving the daughter I lost, and it felt like everything was going wrong...I just couldn't catch a break.
This was in 2003. Flash forward to now, and we are the proud parents of our two incredible daughters from China. All the pain and aggravation had a happy ending.
Comments have been edited for clarity.
Remember way back when the internet wasn't a flaming dumpster fire?
Yeah, us either.
The internet has always been a mess, but it's also always been beautiful.
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"Giphy
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."Giphy
The Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."Giphy
Figuring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."Giphy
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"Giphy
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."Giphy
A Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."Giphy
Go Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."Giphy
It Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."Giphy
We Used To Love Yahoo
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."Giphy
On a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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