We've all had those moments where we think it couldn't possibly get any worse... and then it does. Well, these people share those moments from their lives and they're oh-so-deliciously horrible. Enjoy!
My wife of 10 years left me in May because she "never actually loved me".
In August I found out that before she actually filed for divorce in July she had started dating a new guy who she fell in love with after just meeting him. While struggling to get through this, I was told by our 5 year old that the new boyfriend had bought her underwear that my ex had my daughter "model her new underwear" and took pictures of it to send pictures of to the boyfriend.
My mum lit a bonfire and left it unattended, which set fire to the grass which set fire to the garden shed which set the hedge on fire which blew up some gas canisters which set fire to a rat nest which spewed burning rats all over the yard which the fire fighters chopped in half with axes which my dad had to clean up.
This is absolutely 100% true and although it left my brother with a nasty rat phobia we survived intact. The smell of burning rat was the worst part.
Two of my friends had a falling out. I was dying to know what was going on between them, because they lived together and I felt like I was watching mommy and daddy get divorced. One friend was never around and the other told me he honestly didn't know what going on.
After a couple months, I finally got some one-on-one time with the other friend, who explained everything to me in detail. Basically he asked if he could date the other friend's cousin, who emphatically said NO. But, since the other friend had dated his cousin without asking, he violated bro-code and started seeing her anyway.
In dating this girl, he came to find out that she and the other friend were more than just cousins... They had carried on a physical relationship for years. Basically they fooled around whenever the family wasn't looking.
But hold on! It gets worse... He was told this went on for 10 years. The girl was 22. Her cousin was 24. They had been having sex since middle school.
But hold the heck on! It gets worse... The girl's father, and her cousin's father, are identical twins. Let that sink in for a second. Genetically, they are half-siblings.
At that point in the story, I downed my beer and apologized for even asking about what was going on. I wished I'd never known. As a follow up, they no longer live together or speak to each other. I'm still really close with the incest-free friend. I see the other friend in passing and we're still friends, but its hard to look him in the eye.
A month ago our ceiling fell down and caused a total mess, the room was destroyed. Nightmare.
Then wasps started coming in - lots of wasps.
Turns out we had a few nests in our roof, and they were coming in the newly formed hole. So the exterminator came, sprayed his spray and we watched as over the following few days literally thousands of wasps fell from the vortex to hell until they all died.
Then our roofer came round to remove what was left of the rotten timber and plaster. I heard a blood curdling scream and saw the poor man swarmed with wasps. Turns out the nest was bigger than the exterminator thought (it was over three feet long) and very much still active. He came and removed the nest, still crawling with wasps.
Then our insurance company said they wouldn't cover any repairs as it was wear and tear (from a leak we had no way of knowing about!)
Then that weekend my cat died and she was really cute and I'll never know joy again.
Last effing April.
My dog died. He was only about 7 years old, and an undiagnosed tumor ruptured and he died within a few hours.
And then my dad's cancer started growing again.
And then my mom was diagnosed with cancer.
And then my father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer.
All within a few weeks.
My brother moved to Vermont to work at a ski resort to escape his stressful job in Philly. Before he even started his first day of work, he skied into a tree and broke his collar bone, leaving him unable to work there. He next found a job on a passenger train in Alaska working as a bartender. On one of his days off he was playing basketball with coworkers and tore his ACL (that he had torn years before in high school). After coming home for surgery/recover, he landed a job in Denver. He was mountain biking down a slope and managed to hit his head on a tree which gave him a major concussion. Days later, his girlfriend and he were having lunch at a restaurant and he lost consciousness, fell out of his seat, and coded. His girlfriend performed CPR until paramedics arrived to take him to the hospital. Fortunately, he was resuscitated!
Coming home from work on a Friday night at around midnight with a 6 pack of beer (it was from a bartending job) and my neighbours were partying.
I was new to the apt complex but I used to work with the neighbour so I knew her and her bf. So instead of complaining about the raucous noise I grabbed 2 beers and headed over to say, "turn down the music or let me in!"
I banged on their door (keep in mind there is a peep hole in the apt door) and someone who was not her bf opened the door. His name is Jamie and I recognized him as the bf's co-worker. Jamie is obviously naked (his crotch is hidden by the door, but that was it), sweaty. I'm thinking I've intruded on some nefarious cheating and want no part of it.
I gasp out an apology and start making a bee-line back to my apt. Somehow he donned pants and managed to chase me back and got to my apt door just as I got there. With his hand on my door he says, "Its ok, you can join us, just please have an open mind...".
I want no part of this, but I was the one that knocked and spewed out my stupid line about wanting to join before I realized who I was speaking to. Now I felt obligated to "act" nice because he was.
As I was verbally protesting, he led me back down the hallway to her apt holding me gently by my wrists (the beers were still in each hand), while saying softly over and over, "...just have and open mind...". I was so unhappy.
As we entered the apt I saw it was filthy, I mean full on disgusting. So I thought maybe that's why I had to have an open mind, because the place looked like feral animals lived in it and I was actually starting to feel a sense of relief.
As he lead me around a corner to the kitchen I am absolutely in shock by the amount of filth everywhere. I see the kitchen floor, in fact I could barely see it because it literally looked like no one had washed or swept it in YEARS.
As I was held mesmerized by the filthy floor I hear in Gollum's voice (not joking)... "not her, not her!!". I raised my eyes above the kitchen floor to see where this voice is coming from. It's coming from my former co-worker who is sitting in the corner of the kitchen naked, except she is wearing a dog collar and some sort of leather dog-like body strap/leather with her boobies hanging limply through the leather straps. Seeing her sitting naked on that horrendously dirty floor and pointing at me with a long, super skinny knobby arm and saying (seriously, just like Gollum)... "Not her, not her!..".
Omfg, I then take in the entire scene. It was just not her sitting on that floor, she was sitting beside her bf who had obviously had thrown on some underwear while Jamie was collecting me.
I realize that Jamie had brought me in to add to their disgusting threesome (these are NOT attractive people not that that would've made a difference, but still)! I scream, "OMFG NO!!! NO WAY! NOT ME! YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT!!!" And I run back to my apt.
I'm literally walking in confused circles in my kitchen when I hear a loud knock on my door and I yell, "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" But the knocking continued, so with my door chain in place I yank the door open and there's Jamie, leaning against my door frame and saying, "Shelley is really concerned with what you just saw..." I don't remember what I screamed at him but I screamed at him then slammed the door.
A friend of mine found out her husband was cheating, huge blowout, and he moved out that night.
The next morning she woke up still shell shocked, and discovered her 10-year-old black lab had died in the kitchen.
Came home from work to find my fianc in bed with someone else, three months before the wedding. It gets worse. I'm a female, my ex-fiance a male... The other person... ALSO a dude. Turns out he was using me to hide his sexuality from his family, too afraid to come out of the closet. It gets worse. I came back the next day for my stuff. He pushed me THROUGH a wall and down a flight of stairs. I'm okay now. It was a while ago. Now have a very stable, safe, honest relationship with a great guy. Who thankfully isn't cheating, and isn't in the closet.
I took an hour long train ride to San Francisco to meet some friends that were visiting. I ended up skating 6 miles in the wrong direction, then fell and skinned the back of my hand, finally met my friends but could only hang out for a short time because it took me so long to get to them, then my phone was stolen at the train station, the train was FULL of rowdy drunk people, then the train hit someone and we were stopped for 3 hours, a drunk driver almost hit me on my walk home.
Then I tried to fart and crapped myself a couple blocks from home.
When I got home I just sat in the shower with a beer.
Back in April on my birthday, my family came over for dinner and cake. It was my sister, her husband, my niece, my parents, my brother, his then fianc, and my gf.
So we're having a nice time, eating hoagies (subs for those not from philly) and my newly 2 year old niece decided to jump on the couch. While my sister headed over to stop her, my niece slipped and with a loud bang hit her head on the coffee table.
My sister yelped and quickly scooped up her daughter. My niece was crying and my sister was trying to calm her. Everything was quiet for a moment; then my sister screamed. She rushed into the kitchen and I looked at my niece's head.
There was blood. A lot of blood.
We spin into a panic as my sister is hyperventilating. I quickly soak up the blood with a paper towel and notice only a very tiny cut, she didn't even need stitches. My father grabbed some ice and a rag and put pressure on the cut. My Brother-in-law took my sister and niece to the hospital as the rest of us cleaned up a bit before heading over.
As we're cleaning, my 14-year-old deaf cocker spaniel decided he wanted a hoagie. I glance over to the table, only to see his face slowly reaching for one. We all notice and run over to stop him. But that hoagie was no more; only scraps remained.
So as we were cleaning said scraps, my dog walks back into the kitchen, looks at us... and craps on the floor.
25 or so years ago I was working in a restaurant. I was working a double one day and on my break, I called my answering machine to check my messages at home.
First message is from my Mom. The doctor has just told her she has stage 4 lung cancer.
Next message is from my Dad, (they're divorced and live in different states.) The doctor has just told him he has stage 4 lung cancer.
So, not only are both my parents dying, but they're doing so at the same time 800 miles apart.
That was the day life stopped being fun.
Yes, they both were smokers. They were from a time when everyone did.
And yes, it was an awful time. My siblings and I just sort of got through it. It completely turned all our lives upside down but it drew us all closer together.
They both passed away within a year.
My birthday earlier this year, I was written up by my boss. And they delivered it to me on my birthday. Kept me after work for an hour, still going over my write-up. I was written up for "not following up," when in reality, her door was always closed and she never responded to emails.
The next day I left for a trip, but woke up with a migraine. Flying with a migraine really sucks.
A few days later, when I flew home, the flight was delayed a few hours, but I had tickets to an event at the arena back home that evening. I landed an hour before the event started and my friend picked me up in his truck so we could go straight to the arena. He has a big pick-up and it doesn't fit well in the arena garage, so he had to park it in one of the neighboring business lots. During the event, his truck windows were smashed in and all of my bags were stolen, including everything I got from my family for my birthday, things I purchased in CA, and my tablet and wireless headphones that the arena wouldn't let me bring in because the bag was too big. And my house keys and medication.
The police took three hours to meet us so we could give our report. In the meantime, my roommate is out partying somewhere and refuses to meet me to bring me a set of keys so I could go home. By the time I finally got home (12:45 AM with only a sweatshirt and 22 degrees outside in early February), I had to call a locksmith to let me in my own home. He had to drill my deadbolt out. $225 because my roommate was too busy partying.
I have renter's insurance so my personal property was covered. I made my claim, and the agent told me they also cover replacement value, meaning if they valued something at $50 and I had to spend $80, they'd pay me back that $30. So I go about my time getting back some of my clothes, leather jacket, lesser quality headphones, etc. Then they underpay me. I asked him why he didn't pay the replacement cost. He said he could show that he could get it for this price, so that's what they paid. He completely renegged on what he told me. (It's not like I don't understand what he's saying, but that's not the deal he sold me in the beginning. And I went to the same stores as where the original items came from; I wasn't trying to upgrade my life from this.)
So birthday to theft was 4 days. Insurance was another 3 weeks.
Eff this last birthday.
I once got my period at school and forgot to bring tampons with me. I had to text my dad (which was very awkward for me) to bring me a bunch of tampons at school. He brought them to the office and I picked them up. No sooner had I got back to class, when I realized I had leaked, I could feel it. I asked to go to the bathroom and inspected the damage when I got there. It was like World War III in my pants.
Apparently I had gushed a good amount all at once, which meant there was blood clearly visible on my butt and down the leg of my jeans. I couldn't even go back to class like that. They were dark blue jeans, so I figured I could rinse them in the sink and you wouldn't be able to tell they were wet. I was very wrong. While rinsing the jeans got the blood out, they were now completely soaked in the crotch, it looked like I sat on the toilet with my pants on and my whole rear fell in. The bell that ends first hour rang while I was still in the bathroom. I had to act fast, so I just soaked my pants entirely and put them back on. You couldn't tell they were wet, but my god it felt awful.
I then left the bathroom as fast as I could, hoping to run into my friend who had gym that day so I could borrow his gym shorts. I found him, and he was really confused as to why I was asking for his pants. I told him to touch my leg, and when he felt my soaked jeans he just gave me a look. I told him not to ask, and he gave me his gym shorts.
I had to go back to my first period class, wearing shorts that were obviously too big, carrying my jeans, and explain to my teacher that I "got sick."
That would all be bad enough, but it gets worse. My friends and I would sit on the ground outside for lunch, and apparently I had sat in fresh gum. I didn't realize this until I stood to get up and felt a breeze on my bum. The shorts stuck to the ground and stretched when I got up, effectively making me moon everyone at lunch. After all was said and done, I had to explain to my friend that his shorts were covered in gum and I'd have to clean them before returning them.
FUN FACT: peanut butter really does get gum out of stuff, and it even works on gym shorts.
First job, 3rd shift, at a fast food taco place which shall remain unnamed. It was very mismanaged. It was not uncommon to run out of things.
car-I would like a beef supreme burrito.
me-Sorry sir, but we are currently out of beef...
car-okay, I will take stake then.
me-...and stake. We currently have chicken and beans.
car- okay... I will take chicken then. I would also like a large baja blast.
Me-sigh... We are currently out of baja blast. Also we are out of large cups. Normally I would just give you the xl cups and say nothing but we are out of those too.
car- really? wow. Um... What about 2 medium lemonades.
me-this guy is really desperate man... okay no intention of charging for drinks for putting up with everything
car- and can I have some Fire sauce too?
car- ..., What do you have?
car- why are you open?
me - I have no idea ...
Car- okay I will take the mild then. That will be all.
me- thank you, your total is (...) pull around
give food drinks, drives off.
car 2 or many more that night- Can I have beef (whatever the hell)
You know how everyone has that one "party" story? The one that, no matter how hard you try, will never be topped? Well, I'm a second year college student who attends a university that likes to go by the mantra of "work hard, play hard", and this is that story.
A couple of weeks ago, I was invited to a pretty big annual event at my school that had a reputation of having a pretty wild afterparty. My buddy (let's call him Dewey) had just finished his semester and I hadn't, so he was pretty bored back in our hometown. I figured that, since he had nothing to do back at home, I would bring him to the afterparty and he could crash back at my dorm for the night, have a good time and all that. And we did. We had a fantastic time. Even made it back to my dorm in one piece somehow. I thought we just went back and crashed, but apparently some serious stuff went down after the party that I didn't hear about until later, and by then there was nothing I could do except laugh and think "there's no way that happened."
So fast forward to the morning after. It's windy outside and Dewey and I are sitting at a dining hall having some delicious hangover food. Suddenly, this conversation comes up:
"Dude...I did something last night."
"What did you do?"
"Dewey, what the heck did you do?"
Then he hits me with what ACTUALLY happened that night after we left the party. Apparently, I was too blacked out to remember, but he definitely wasn't. And once he started recalling the story, I began to remember the crapshow that transpired afterwards. To this day, whenever I tell this story, people don't believe me...until I show them. But I'll get to that later.
So we leave the party, stumble our way back to the dorm, and get into the elevator, since I live on the 7th floor. We get out of the elevator without incident and kind of just plop down in my floor's lounge, which was thankfully empty. Seems alright. But then Dewey throws up. Everywhere. On the couch, on the study tables, on the floor, on the walls...no surface was safe from his wrath.
At this point, I'm already disgusted and thinking "oh crap, he's my guest so I'm responsible for this... housing probation here I come". But then it got worse. It got so much worse.
After the pukepocalypse, he then says he has to "go". So I hand him my ID card so he can swipe into the bathroom, which I should mention is a mere 20 feet away from us. But he turns me down and says, "Nah man, I gotta go now...like right now...and it's gonna be a big one".
Dewey then opens my lounge window, sticks his buttcheeks out, and proceeds to release the Kraken all over the side of my precious dormitory building. And when I say release the Kraken, I mean it. The immediate assault to my senses told me that it was easily the most disgusting toilet slammer I've ever been witness to in my entire life, including my own. Imagine every terrible poop you've ever taken multiplied by the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns. It was like watching the Slime fall and splatter everywhere on the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards. The sound it made was awful too, like something just died and these were its final gurgles. Just the smell alone probably could have killed most small animals.
He finishes unleashing his unholy intestinal sewage all over the side of my building while I sit there just agape, but too drunk to do anything about it. Then we nonchalantly stroll back to my room and promptly pass out.
Back to the present: I'm horrified. Disgusted. Never in my life would I have imagined I would be privy to anything like this. But eh, what's done is done, no harm done right?
I make my way back to my building and ride the elevator up so that I can relax and nurse my hangover. In the elevator, I hear this conversation between two girls:
"I can't believe someone did that to our lounge."
"Yeah, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen...it smelled pretty bad in there too. The cleaning lady says it's either really bad throw up or something way worse."
"Do they know who did it?"
"I don't know, but they must have been living higher up to hit floor 4. At least it didn't get inside or anything."
Now I'm curious. And I think I know exactly what happened. So I get off on the fourth floor, enter their lounge, and lo and behold, I see this masterpiece.
Yep. That's Dewey's poop. Smeared all over the window of the lounge three floors below me.
Apparently, some people were peacefully studying at 3 in the morning the night that this slime went down when all of a sudden...WHAM, Dewey's butt babies slammed into their window hard enough to make the glass shake. The wind must have hurled it sideways mid-descent, causing his work of art to splatter onto their window with a resounding thud.
I take one good look (and smell), snap the picture, and flee to my room practically dying from laughter. Then I tell pretty much all of our friends back at home because, come on, how do you not tell everyone about that? I didn't tell any of my college friends though, I don't need that kind of blood (poop?) on my hands, and for good reason. Admin heard about it and basically put out a warrant for the capture of whoever did the deed or for anyone who helped them do it. I basically had to be on my toes for the rest of the semester in fear of being charged as an assistant to this assailant of justice. People from other dorms eventually heard about it and began sullying the good name of my building, calling it "Crap Central" and other hilarious names.
They didn't just forget about him either. For the rest of the year, the "Phantom Sh-tter" became something of a legend. No one knew who it was, but they know what he did, and what he's capable of. His legacy lives on--in me, in you, but mostly in the poop smears he left trailing down the side of my dormitory. Those are a little bit harder to wash off.
My sister was driving one day and we decided to stop for bubble tea and fried chicken (it's a thing). Having just gotten my driver's license and feeling lazy, I suggested a game of rock paper scissors. Loser goes out and buys the bubble tea and fried chicken. I won, so I moved over to the driver's seat and waited.
However, I was double parked at an active garage, and as fate would have it, the door started opening. At that moment, I made the fateful decision to drive off and double back. This was before GPS and I was unfamiliar with the roads, so I drove up around 7 blocks and not seeing any easy way to double back, decided that my best course of action was to make a u-turn...at night...on a busy main road. You can see where this is going now.
Anyways, I pulled over and waited for an opportunity to make a u-turn. Finally I had an opening and gassed it. Nope. Cue loud screeching noise and sound of metal ripping. Turns out there was a car in my blind spot and I shredded the entire passenger side of the car with my stupid idea.
I jumped out of the car and so did the lady in the other car. In a full on panic, I told the lady that the car was my sister's and I had to go get her from the coffee shop a few blocks away. Without waiting for a response, I left the car and ran back to the store. Out of breath, I told my sister that I had gotten into an accident and she hurried with me back to the site.
It turns out the unfortunate lady I had hit had JUST gotten her car from the dealership. The plates weren't even on yet and worst of all, she was only two blocks away from home! Talk about unlucky right? But wait, there's more!
In my hurry and panic, I had forgotten to turn off the headlights to my sister's car. The car battery was drained and we had to call my aunt to come jump the car since neither of the cars had jumper cables.
As if that weren't enough, I then proceeded to accidentally spill the bubble tea all over the driver's seat. Needless to say, my sister was not happy that day. The cops never came, we waited two hours and ended up going to the precinct to just file a report. Icing on the cake: we left the fried chicken back at the bubble tea place.
This is the true story of my ex and I, and why I decided to ditch America and live abroad.
So, my ex-fiancee-- let's call her Emily-- was always jealous of my best friend, "Jenny." Emily was jealous of every woman who came in contact with me, at work, in my neighborhood, you get the picture. But I had a looong, platonic relationship with Jenny, and I wasn't willing to stop being friends with her. I sometimes snuck off for beers with Jenny, but never cheated-- it wasn't even on my mind.
Anyway, I came home from one of these beer nights, to discover Emily hacked my email password, and saw my emails making plans to meet Jenny. We had a huge fight, but things calmed down and we tried to return to normalcy.
Nope, one night while playing card games with some friends at our place, I dropped a card under the table, and realized that Emily and another friend were playing footsies under the table. It wasn't until he put his hand on her thigh that I put my cards down, and punched him square in the face. POW! Broken nose.
This friend-- let's call him Chad-- was a big source of comfort for Emily while she and I were patching things up. Sometimes they came home at dawn, but I was asking Emily to trust me with Jenny; I could certainly extend that trust to Chad. Anyway, days later, Chad threatened to file charges, but mutual friends talked him out of it.
But, oh, it gets worse! At the time, I was living in a two-story home with my best friend from college, and his own fianc. They took the top floor, and Emily and I, and my dog, took the bottom. My best friend kept his cats on the second floor, because I'm terribly allergic to cats, but he saw his chance. He asked me to move out, so I could take my dog. His reasoning: Oh, Emily's from Ohio, and your mom's relatively close-by; you could go back to your mom's but Emily can't just pick up and leave. I severed contact with him immediately, and never looked back.
But, oh, it gets worse! A week goes by, and I'm completely miserable, but then comes Emily's phone call. She had a miscarriage! She had no idea she was even pregnant! I was a mess of emotions. "Whose was it," I ask Emily. She tells me she doesn't know.
But, oh, it gets worse! Emily's mom drives up to my mom's place-- from Ohio to New York-- banging and screaming at our front door, threatening that she's gonna sue for mental anguish leading to the miscarriage. I decide I had enough of America, and that I needed to go explore the world and just learn how to enjoy things again. So now I'm in Japan.
I got pregnant from IVF, but the baby passed away at 6 months. My husband and I decided to pursue Chinese adoption, but both parents had to be 30. I was 30, but hubby was 28.5...sigh. Great...more waiting.
I start working on the mountain of necessary paperwork involved, though I'm still grieving the loss of my daughter. I had all the paperwork organized in a huge plastic portable file. The file was in my car, as I was going to get stuff notarized after work. While I'm at work, my car is stolen. Yep, the car with all my paperwork. Paperwork that included our social security numbers and all our tax returns.
Two days later the car is found, total loss...shot up with bullet holes. Luckily the paperwork was there. I had a bag full of birthday gifts for my nieces and nephews in the trunk (not visible from the outside), as I was going to drop them off at my sister's. You guessed it...the thieves took the gifts. The only thing they left was the adoption paperwork and a Bible.
So, I get a new car the following week, and one night a cop pulls me over. He claims I didn't come to a complete stop at a stop sign, but I seriously did. He asks for my insurance info, but I left it on the kitchen counter, as I had just gotten this new car the day before. I explained the situation but he still gave me a sizeable ticket.
Several months pass, and I'm almost done completing all the adoption paperwork. Yay! I wake up in the morning to get ready to ship it all to the consulate, and I see that my cat had jumped onto the kitchen island and literally shredded our marriage certificate! There was no way to even tape it together. The even bigger problem is that we got married in Jamaica so we had to contact the Jamaican government to get a certified copy. This delayed the adoption process by several more months.
Throughout all of this, I'm still grieving the daughter I lost, and it felt like everything was going wrong...I just couldn't catch a break.
This was in 2003. Flash forward to now, and we are the proud parents of our two incredible daughters from China. All the pain and aggravation had a happy ending.
Comments have been edited for clarity.
Some things are deceptively simple.
Oh, skydiving? That's easy.
Love yourself? Simple.
Who can't open a can of pickles?
ME! ME! That's who. I can't do any of the above simply.
It's all hard. And you know it too.
It's just designed to" look" easy only to bamboozle us.
Approach everything as a burden and live by a motto...
Redditor pterv2112 wanted to hear about the things that are truthfully not so simple.
"What looks easy peasy lemon squeezy but is actually difficult difficult lemon difficult?"
Monopoly. For the life of me, I can't get the hang of that game. I don't care anymore.
Play it...Saturday Night Live Happy Dance GIFGiphy
"Playing the triangle. A lot of my non-musician friends joke about how easy it is to play it. Then they actually hold the damn thing and look stupid."
It's A Lot!
"Work. I'm a lawyer and had a client call saying she needs a help with a merger, but 'don't worry, it's super easy peasy lemon squeezy.' That project took 6 months and I almost had a breakdown. She didn't understand why the bill was so high since it was SO easy."
"Gotta love how the layman lumps all lawyers together as the sleazy snakeoil salesman type without realizing or appreciating the sheer complexity of the legal work involved."
"Dancing. I wouldn't say it looks 'easy,' but when I see people do it, they're so good at it and it flows so well it looks easy. But damn, I just CANNOT get my body to do anything more than a bop and maybe some stupid arm moves. I'm 25 and dance like a 50 year old at a reunion. Dancers are so delicate and make it look so easy, it's honestly amazing. It's just hilarious when I try to do literally anything and fail horribly."
"Whistling with your fingers."
"My cousin taught me when we were in our tweens. It's come in very helpful whistling for the dogs and horses at feeding time."
"What I always wanted to learn was how my grandpa whistled without having to stick dirty fingers in my mouth. Nothing like cleaning stalls, then trying to whistle for horses with sh*t-covered hands. Washing them in near-freezing buckets of water wasn't a first choice either."
It's a...Studying Hand-Made GIF by Philippa RiceGiphy
"Drawing something from memory. Like a bird or something. In mind - yep that's a bird On paper - that's... a bird?"
Drawing birds is impossible; mine look like mules.
Go DeepDigging Blue Collar GIF by JC Property ProfessionalsGiphy
"Digging. Anytime it's shown in movies or TV it looks easy AF but the second you have to grab a shovel and break dirt... bleh."
"A basic physical exam at the doctor. Looks like a simple 'look at the throat' - 'listen to the chest' - 'yup they have a heart all right.' When in actuality Doctors spend thousands of hours practicing it so that when you come in with a murmur or 'Funny-looking-kid-syndrome' they can recognize it immediately."
"And yes, there are entire class sections on how to respectfully ask your patient to turn their head and cough as you push on their testicles (they're looking for hernias)."
"Street names. Everyone thinks it's great fun and likes to offer suggestions but every tree, lake, and other natural feature has at least a dozen variations which you can't repeat for emergency service reasons. That and you get cities which want a street name change anytime the road changes direction regardless of a logical break point like an intersection."
"'Natural' makeup. More work than 'regular' makeup."
"To be honest this reminds me of a video I watched of a visual effects artist explaining his job, If no one notices your work on the footage you've done your job well, its only when you mess up do people notice."
"This is painfully true for a lot of jobs. When nobody notices, it means you did an excellent job but no one will give you credit because they aren't even aware there is credit due. But the moment you slightly f**k up, you're the worst person in your profession."
The SqueezeAs If Lol GIF by MOODMANGiphy
"Making lemonade. Sure squeezing one lemon is easy peasy, but do you know how much juice that makes? Not a lot."
I love Lemonade... the drink and the album... but I have no patience to make it.
Art is subjective.
As much as movies are universally loved, there are some that leave a big question mark.
Sometimes films, plots, and characters make no sense. AT ALL.
And that is uncomfortable for the ego.
Is it art?
Am I just dumb?
Why do I care?
Redditor erin214 wanted to discuss all the movies most of us just don't get.
"What movie do you just not get?"
There are so many movies to bring up. But we don't have all day... let's discuss.
I'm Lostdavid lynch GIFGiphy
"Mullholland Drive. David Lynch once said there is definitely a coherent story and you can figure it out if you just pay attention. I don't believe him."
"The Nut Job. I get that it's a kid's movie and the expectations aren't high but that movie feels 15 years older than it is and it's full of the cheesiest one liners over and over. It feels so low budget yet the cast is nothing but stars."
"It's just mediocre. Saw it once when it came out, laughed about it and enjoyed it then but never have had the urge to watch it again."
So many twists...
"Primer. Can’t follow it. I tried; I even looked up the diagrams. I cannot follow that movie for the life of me."
"I think it's just ok to not get it all. When I watch Primer I don't try to follow it all, I just understand the gist of it and understand that it does all make sense on paper and enjoy the show. Don't get too caught up in following all of the twists, it's too clever for it's own good. Really great movie, though."
"I consider myself a mild movie buff and pay attention diligently when watching any movie. But when I watched I’m Thinking of Ending Things with Jesse Plemons I had no sweet clue what was going on."
"In a nutshell: the only 'real' character in the movie is the old janitor who freezes to death at the end. Everything else is his delusional fantasy of how his life could/should have been, mixed with memories of the grim reality of why it turned out the way it did. We're observing his thought process."
Headaches...Screaming Jennifer Lawrence GIF by mother!Giphy
"I feel like mother is how I feel during a migraine. Everything is happening way too fast and I have no idea what’s going on."
Mother. Oh brother. That movie.
Bad MouthChristian Bale Oooo GIFGiphy
"American Psycho. It’s one of my favorite movies so I’m by no means bad mouthing it, but that ending drives me insane. I can’t figure it out. It makes no sense to me. What was the point supposed to be?"
Second Time Around
"Just to clarify, I didn't (don't) hate the movie, I even found the plot cool. But when trying to give it sense, I can't, because a don't fully get it."
"I actually liked it better the second time and I think it's because I watched it on a crappy sound system that drops all the low end bass and is mostly mids and highs, making the dialogue easier to hear. The basic entropy reversal premise is still too stupid to consider interesting or clever though. I can't suspend my disbelief in that idea."
I see the light...
"The Lighthouse. But I still loved it."
"I think it's about a man who is mentally ill and gets isolated along with someone he cannot stand, middle of the movie he does say that a coworker died and the film indicate that he killed him, which explains the scene where he smokes a cig by the beach and see all those logs approaching and he sees a body and he walks right towards it, maybe he regrets what he had done, his mind is certainly playing tricks on him, that's just my take."
"Cloud Atlas. I’m pretty sure you need to go on a mushroom samba to understand it."
"The book makes more sense. It's weird because there is a whole lot in the movie that is lifted very faithfully from the book but there are lots of little intangible bits that don't translate onto the screen well."
"I loved this one! I can see it's a confusing movie, though."EmileWolf
Jake AlwaysBlack And White Movie GIF by hoppipGiphy
"Donnie Darko. Do I really need a website, a book, and a director’s cut to understand a movie? A little exposition, please."
"I love this film and have seen both versions a number of times over the years. I can't explain it though, it's just a vibe I guess. Like that feeling you get when you've just woken up from a vivid dream and haven't adjusted to reality yet."
So many of these movies are on my list. It's them not us.
They say it's hard for workers to get fired from their jobs. That is unless, of course, the employee is self-sabotaging and has nothing at stake.
While there are many unemployed people desperately looking for work, there are apparently just as many of those who want nothing more than to leave a situation that makes them miserable, despite having a steady paycheck.
Curious to hear about terminated employees, Redditor bartertownbeer asked:
"What is the fastest you have ever seen a new co-worker get fired?"
Fired? How about arrested?
"During their onboarding training, they stole my bosses wallet on camera.... 1 hour in.."
Right Place, Wrong Time
"This is the opposite route here but I found it amusing. My boss was out of town and I managed a tea shop near a Starbucks years ago. This kid came in (foreign) and said he was supposed to start today. We were hiring and I trained him etc. My boss came back two days later and had no idea. The kid was in the wrong place but he stayed with us. Hired on the spot without even applying."
"We had a recent college grad that would use his corporate card for personal purchases. He figured that the company would just keep deducting from his payroll until it was paid off. He was fired after three months of constant reminders to stop doing it. I don’t think it qualifies as the fastest, because he lasted three months, but it was so idiotic."
The Longest Errand
"I work construction. We had 2 new hires that were friends starting the same day. Boss told one take a coffee order and come back. Took everyone's money and said he needed his friend to go with him cause it was a big order. They never came back."
"A 19 year old kid got hired to work the seafood counter. See him twice and then never again. Asked a coworker what happened."
"He had closed seafood one night and was walking out of the store and the 5 pounds of crab legs he'd stuffed down the back of his pants fell out in front of the closing manager."
Being under the influence at work never ends well.
"New guy drove a forklift into a fire hydrant, in front of a safety rep for the company. His supervisor was called over, and he immediately tells the supervisor that he won’t pass a piss test, as he used his only bottle of clean piss earlier that day when he hired in."
"Everybody standing there immediately burst into laughter, which continued as security (also laughing) escorted him off site. Even the supervisor was all smiles...just gave him a pat on the back and wished him the best of luck. It was wild."
"I worked in a bar and a new girl started. At work, she seemed a little rough but was fine."
"One day she finished a shift, sat at the bar and ordered a red wine with lemonade and ice in it (not really relevant to the story; just shows she is clearly insane). Her boyfriend came in, they had a huge domestic in front of my manager and several customers and she threw her drink over her bf and dramatically stormed out."
And That's Why We Don't Hire Off The Street
"Worked at a steel processing plant (polishing, cut to length, etc) Everyone started off as temps, some for years, before getting hired in. Management decided they were short-staffed and the solution was to start hiring people full-time off the street."
"So this dude starts, full-time on day one, full benefits, more money, getting trained by temps who've been there for months, if not years. Everyone is mad resentful of this dude, obviously."
"Halfway through his second day he gets escorted out for testing positive for coke on his drug test."
"They didn't hire any more dudes full-time off the street."
Competence is of utmost importance. Having brains is a good place to start as well.
Fast Food, Faster Firing
"Heard this from a manager I worked with when I worked in fast food. There was this one kid who didn’t show up for work. He ditched work often, so the manager called around, couldn’t get anyone to fill in his shift, so she had to fill it for him."
"A few hours into his shift, the dude ditching SHOWS UP, with his friends, and orders food from that manager. She fired him on the spot."
Careful Who You Denigrate
"First day of work, he walks in, says 'what the f'k is up dumba**' to the guy that parked next to (didn't touch) his new Camaro he bought since he got hired."
"The guy was the CEO of the company I used to work for, on visit to our branch."
"Literally ten minutes into his shift he was signing release papers."
"Worked in a grocery store for awhile: new guy took a lobster out of the tank and removed the elastic bands on its claws, then proceeded to put it back in the tank. The thing murdered all the other lobsters in the tank."
Up In Flames
"Guy had been working a few days at a barn. Decided to smoke right by bales of hay. Manager saw him and fired him right on the spot. At farms, you don’t f'k around with fire."
Remember when I mentioned how it's difficult for people to get fired?
Yeah, let's scratch that.
Apparently, it's super easy.
A trial can hinge on one simple piece of information.
All it could take for a suspect to walk free or go to jail for the rest of their lives is one single fact.
With this in mind, some lawyers will do their best to make sure that this information is buried, legally and ethically one hopes, and will never be brought up in trial.
However, for this to happen, Lawyers will still need to know this piece of information from their clients, as it otherwise could be brought up by the prosecution, effectively ending the case.
"Lawyers of Reddit, what is a detail that your client failed to bring up to you that completely lost you the case?"
The Whole Truth...
"Opposing counsel: 'Isn’t it true you hit Victim in the face with a brick?"'
"Client: 'No. Marcus hit him with the brick. I hit him in the back with a piece of wood'."- lizard96golf
Thought She Was Being Clever...
"A buddy of mine case as a public defender."
"A gal was busted on drug charges, and told him she didn't have any drugs on her when they arrested her."
"He thought, ok we'll use that."
"Turns out, she didn't have any drugs on her when they arrested her because she just sold them to an undercover cop."- CheapCigars
Choice Of Clothes Can Make A Difference...
"My house was robbed."
"In addition to all the stuff the thief took, he also stole a bunch of my suits and all of my neck ties."
"I had a big collection, like 100 or so."
"However, the thief left fingerprints on a hard plastic box that I kept spare change in."
"Fast forward 3 months, the thief is caught in the act of robbing another house in the same neighborhood, same detectives on my case and this new theft."
"They fingerprint the guy and the fingerprints match the ones from my house."
"At the thief’s arraignment, I see him stroll in wearing my suit and my tie."
"I tell the district attorney, he says there’s really no way to prove it."
"However, the tie he chose to wear was a one of kind street map of San Francisco and I still had all the documentation to prove it."
"The district attorney’s eyes widen and he informs the judge."
"The judge has the thief placed under arrest again for possession of stolen property."
"The thief’s lawyer was dumbfounded."
"It was a nice end to a rough situation!"- West-Operationsuit and tie johnny bananas GIF by 1st LookGiphy
Never Depend On Technicalities
"Obligatory not my client."
"Company I worked for at the time was doing due diligence before acquiring a small tech startup."
"The COO of the tech startup was a well-liked guy in the company, friendly and outgoing."
"Though we had heard rumblings that the COO was rather hands-on with the work and with female employees."
"Apparently there was a walk-away package proposed to the COO that would let him keep a sizable portion of his post-acquisition bonus because a young woman who worked in their sales department had filed HR complaints against the COO and obtained counsel."
"I sat in on the meeting with the COO and the company's retained lawyers while they grilled him about his contacts with the young woman."
"The COO denied ever having contact with her within the company without multiple other people present, those people said his behavior toward her in the meetings didn't raise any flag."
"The COO emphatically denied having any contact with her outside of work."
"The lawyers asked the question a half-dozen different ways and each time the COO denied any out of work contact."
"Later we meet with the woman and her lawyer with the COO not present."
"Her lawyer gives us a rather graphic card that came with a bouquet of flowers addressed to her from the COO."
"The guy had an account with a florist linked to his credit card."
"When the company-retained lawyers confronted him he said, 'but I never had contact with her'."
"'It's not like I delivered the flowers myself'."
"COO got terminated for cause so no walk-away package."
"At her request the woman was given PTO until after the acquisition then moved to another one of the companies under our umbrella."- GuiltyLawyerseason 5 episode 21 GIFGiphy
Who Exactly Am I Talking To?
"We got to the deposition of my client and all set up."
"The first question is 'please state your name'."
"The client looks at me and says 'can we take a break?'"
"We do and she pulls me out in the hall to tell me she's lied to me about her identity."
"She's apparently a serial fraudster and has changed identities 7 times since the 90s."
"She apparently thought the other attorneys had some how figured it out and that's why they asked the question."- Philosopher422
It's The Little Ones That Get You...
"Minor traffic cases can be the worst for this, believe it or not, because they are short and simple and often times the client isn't there, so if you get blindsided by something critical there's often no chance to consult with them to turn things around."
"I had a simple speeding case, 70mph in a 55."
"No big deal, if she does a driving improvement course they court will usually dismiss or reduce those, since her driving record wasn't bad."
"When I showed up for her, I found out that she had been driving 70 up an unplowed snow lane, to get around all the others cars traveling in the lane that had been plowed because they were driving too slow."
"I didn't know it was even possible to drive 70 on fresh snow."
"The officer stated he'd already cut her a break by not writing the ticket for reckless driving, and the judge politely agreed he didn't feel comfortable reducing it under those circumstances."
"When I called her up after court to confirm, she did, claimed she'd just forgotten to mention it."
"Now maybe I've lived too much of my life in the south, but that just boggles my mind as a detail you'd forget when hiring a lawyer for that incident."
"I would have told her in advance that hiring us was a waste of money, not to mention the hassle of taking an 8 hour class, and she should probably just go ahead and pay this one."
"I legitimately do that all the time during consults."
"Give my honest assessment if the case is even worth doing, and so by omitting that detail she harmed herself for no reason."
"At least she took it well and didn't get defensive."- AmberWavesofFlameDriving Get Away GIF by Zella DayGiphy
Despite the longstanding negative connotations which come with them, lawyers are there to help you.
So it's always the best decision to tell them the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, especially if you're paying for their services.
That, or just obey the law so you won't need one.