Smart People Share Some Of History's Most Ridiculous Moments That Actually Happened[rebelmouse-image 18350842 is_animated_gif=
History doesn't have to be boring, but WOW school text books are not helping to sell that fact. It's almost unfair how boring they make it seem! One Reddit user got tired of history getting a bad rap and asked:
We picked 20 of our favorite answers to share with you!
The Coffee Experiment[rebelmouse-image 18350844 is_animated_gif=
King Gustav III of Sweden was convinced that coffee was poisonous and dangerous to public health. He levied heavy taxes on coffee and even passed a royal edict banning it, however its consumption became ever more popular. Determined to prove its danger, he ordered an experiment carried out: two identical twins had their death sentences commuted to life imprisonment, on the condition one drank three pots of coffee a day, and the other three pots of tea. Physicians would monitor the effects and report their eventual demise to the King.
Both of these physicians died of natural causes before this happened however. Even King Gustav was assassinated in 1792 before either of the twins had met their end. Eventually the tea drinker was the first to die, at 83 years of age. His brothers age is not known.
Just... Awesome[rebelmouse-image 18350845 is_animated_gif=
In 1892, the princess of Liechtenstein got so pissed at a countess criticizing her flower choices at a party, that she challenged her to a topless, all-female sword duel. To clarify, they were topless because sword duels weren't supposed to end in death, but often did due to infection of the cuts. They decided since only women were present, it would be safer to fight topless so they could clean their wounds easier/faster.
King So Fragile[rebelmouse-image 18350846 is_animated_gif=
King Charles VI of France was prone to delusions, and at one point believed he was made of glass. He had his clothes specially reinforced so that he wouldn't break.
Um... Hooray Australia?[rebelmouse-image 18350847 is_animated_gif=
Australia's first gold medal at the Winter Olympics was in speedskating. The skater (Steven Bradbury) was coming last until every single athlete in front of him fell over.
The best part is that he was only in the finals because the exact same thing happened in the semifinals. To this day, an incredibly unlikely victory is known as 'pulling a Bradbury' in Australia.
Trash-Talking Stalin?[rebelmouse-image 18350848 is_animated_gif=
Stalin kept trying to assassinate Josip Broz Tito. Tito sent this letter to Stalin:
"Stop sending people to kill me! We've already captured five of them, one of them with a bomb and another with a rifle... If you don't stop sending killers, I'll send a very fast working one to Moscow and I certainly won't have to send another."
Like, A Total Joffrey, Bro.[rebelmouse-image 18350849 is_animated_gif=
Charles XII of Sweden was a proper party king in his youth, at one of his many party's he got a bear so drunk it fell out of a castle window and died.
edit: Hes also reported to have run amok in the city together with his pal the duke of Holstein - stealing wigs and hats from people and breaking windows while drunk.
Imagine a bratty drunk teen full of mischief and who also happens to be the absolute ruler of the country and there for held above law. Thats Charles XII as a teenager.
Take That, Sucky Old Original Antioch![rebelmouse-image 18350850 is_animated_gif=
During the Byzantine-Sassanian wars in the early 6th century, Khosrau I of Persia destroyed Antioch and captured its civilians.
However, rather than enslaving them or killing them, Khosrau brought them back to Persia and rebuilt them an almost exact replica of Antioch, down to the layout of the city and rooms in the houses. The citizens were freed and made into full Persian citizens.
The city was named "Weh Antiok Khosrau" - "Khosrau's better Antioch"
Playing With Trains[rebelmouse-image 18350851 is_animated_gif=
During the time of Nazi-occupied France, a French train conductor learned that a train full of German soldiers had derailed. Instead of fixing it, he sent more trains full of soldiers at the wreck until the Nazis caught on and had him removed.
So... Who's In Charge?[rebelmouse-image 18350852 is_animated_gif=
At one point there were three Popes and they all excommunicated each other.
He Got Annoying, So They Killed Him[rebelmouse-image 18350853 is_animated_gif=
The story of William Walker.
William Walker was child prodigy. By the age of 16 he graduated college, Soon after he became a semi successful lawyer. Every thing was looking awesome for him.
However Walker had a crazy dream, He wanted to be a leader of his own nation. So one day him and 40 of his friends invaded Baja Mexico and took over its capital declaring it its own nation. It took a few months but eventually the Mexican army chased him of.
So Walker came back to america but not for long! He got some rich people to back him up and invaded Nicaragua with 80 men. He took its capital and since it was going trough a civil war at the time managed to take and hold the country for about a year. During that year he did a whole bunch of crazy shit like legalizing slavery in the attempt to allying himself with the Confederate States of America. Luckily the neighboring nations realized he was batshit and invaded chasing him off.
However this did not deter him. He once again got an army together and invaded Honduras. However this was a huge failure and he was caught almost instantly. By this time everyone was tired of his shit so he was executed.
Margaret Thatcher's Son Did What?!?[rebelmouse-image 18350854 is_animated_gif=
Well, there was that time Margaret Thatcher's son tried to finance a coup in Equatorial Guinea. It's crazy to me that nobody seems to remember that one because I would have thought "Former Prime Minister's son attempts to literally seize control of small country by force" would have been bigger news. Apparently the punishment for that sort of thing is four years in prison and a fine.
Happy Birthday, Alan![rebelmouse-image 18350855 is_animated_gif=
One of my favorite funny stories is that in 1977, Australian Formula 1 driver Alan Jones won the Austrian Grand Prix. No one expected him to win, so the organizers didn't have the Australian national anthem on hand to play at the ceremony after the race. Instead, some drunk rando started playing "Happy Birthday" on the trumpet.
The race happened in August. Jones' birthday is in November.
A Little Imperial Prank Calling[rebelmouse-image 18350856 is_animated_gif=
Pu Yi wanting a phone
1920, Yuan Shikai was defeated and Pu Yi was put as the symbolic head of china, although he was confined to the Imperial Palace at all times and had basically no power. When he was about 14 years old, he discovers what a phone is, and wants one installed in his palace.
But the Eunuchs are really hesitant. What is Pu Yi used his phone to build powerful contacts outside the palace? What if Pu Yi heard about this new ideology all the cool kids are doing, communism? How would this affect the people of china, and the people in charge? What if Pu Yi posed a threat? They would have to raze the Imperial palace and wipe out the imperial lineage once and for all! No way. Pu Yi will NOT get his phone.
But the he keeps persisting, demanding to get his phone. Even threatening some people. Finally, they relent. Pu Yi will get his phone
He is overjoyed, and demands he be left alone with his new weapon of information.
He then spent all afternoon prank calling restaurants and famous authors.
The Aztecs Didn't Even Have To Fight Back[rebelmouse-image 18350857 is_animated_gif=
One day, conquistadors got pretty close to the city walls of the Aztec capital and started building something out of wood. Aztecs look on with interest, unable to hear the conversation. Spanish seem to argue among themselves a bit with one guy throwing his weight around and pointing, then keep building, with a few more arguments. Many hours later, construction is complete---turns out they've been building a trebuchet. The Spanish finally start getting ready to fling some big rocks at the Aztecs. Aztecs watch as the Spanish fire the trebuchet, and manage to fling a boulder about 20 feet into the lake that surrounds the city. More arguing. They try again, and manage to smash a hole in a wall of the marketplace, but the thing takes so long to aim that by the time it hits the Aztecs have cleared all their shit out of the way. Spanish argue more, then wheel the trebuchet away in shame. It is never seen or heard from again.
Oh, cause Sindh Sounds Like Sinned. Victory Pun.[rebelmouse-image 18350858 is_animated_gif=
When Britain was fighting to conquer India, a General named Charles James Napier was told not to attack the city of Sindh. However, he had an opportunity, went ahead and attacked Sindh, and captured it.
When he sent news back to Britain of his victory, his telegram was a single word: "Peccavi."
This is not an English word, but a Latin one, and most people know of it through the Catholic church. Directly translated into English it means, "I have sinned."
Presidential Puke-Fest[rebelmouse-image 18350859 is_animated_gif=
George Bush Sr. vomited in Prime Minister of Japan, Kiichi Miyazawa's lap.
Diogenes, The Original Snark-Master[rebelmouse-image 18350860 is_animated_gif=
Plato once defined a man as a featherless biped (while the ancient Greeks knew apes and monkeys existed, they thought they were just really hairy, dumb people). During one of his lectures, Diogenes burst into the room carrying a chicken that had been completely plucked, yelling "Behold! I have brought you a man!". After this Plato eddited his definition to "a man is a featherless biped with broad, flat nails".
Another time Diogenes was reprimanded for public masturbation. His defense? "If only I could rub my belly and satisfy my hunger so easily."
Diogenes was once asked how he wanted to be buried. He told the questioner that he could just be thrown outside the city walls. The questioner asked him what he would do about the wild dogs that would eat his body (the desecration of the body was a big fear in Greek society). Diogenes told them to throw him over the walls with a stick to beat off the dogs. When they pointed out that he would be dead and thus unable to wield the stick, he countered that if he was dead he wouldn't care what happened to his body.
Diogenes was asked what his favorite kind of wine was. "That which other people pay for".
Diogenes also talked smack to famous athletes ("I have bested men. You have bested slaves"), merchants (he spat in the face of a rich man who had invited him to dine, saying that his face was dirtiest surface in the man's house) and Alexander's less philosophically minded father Phillip ("I am a spy on your insatiable greed").
Granted most of the stories are probably exaggerations or fabrications, but I get the feeling that Diogenes would rather enjoy us pondering over that fact.
A Whole War In Under An Hour?[rebelmouse-image 18350861 is_animated_gif=
Zanzibar is a tiny island off the East Coast of Africa. By the 1890's was de jure independent but defacto a British subject ruled by a sultan. The British had outlawed slavery in the area, which caused friction with the local Arabs and furthered heightened tension with the nearby German forces who occupied the nearby mainland. The British tightened their grip over the island. In 1896, the old Sultan died under suspicious circumstances. The old sultan's nephew, Khalid bin Bargash, seized the empty throne and claimed the island as his. The British didn't like Khalid and told him to bugger off the throne, wanting to put their claimant on instead. Khalid refused, prepared the islands forces, and prepared to fight the British to the death.
After a two day standoff, at 09:00 AM, the British declared war by firing ship artillery at the palace. The one Zanzibary ship, which was armed with a gatling gun that had been a gift from Queen Victoria, engaged the five much better armed British ships and was sunk almost immediately, but the water was so shallow's it's masts were still out of the water, allowing the surviving sailors to hoist up a Union Jack as a surrender.
With his one ship in the sea, his men dead, and his palace in flames, Khalid bin Bargash bravely ran away to the German embassy. By 9:40 AM, the war was over, by that afternoon the British's choice of sultan sat on what remained of the throne, the one single British causality was taken care of by doctors, and Khalid was sent away to German East Africa (Khalid would be later recaptured by the British in WW1).
In short it was a 40 minute long war.
Came Back With A New Friend[rebelmouse-image 18350862 is_animated_gif=
Supposedly at some point Liechtenstein went to war with 80 men, but returned home with 81. Edit: Also one of my favorites is The War of the Oaken Bucket. Two Italian city states went to war over a stolen bucket from a well.
Mole-People[rebelmouse-image 18350863 is_animated_gif=
President John Quincy Adams tried to initiate trade with the Mole People he believed lived under the crust of the earth
Remember way back when the internet wasn't a flaming dumpster fire?
Yeah, us either.
The internet has always been a mess, but it's also always been beautiful.
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"Giphy
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."Giphy
The Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."Giphy
Figuring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."Giphy
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"Giphy
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."Giphy
A Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."Giphy
Go Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."Giphy
It Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."Giphy
We Used To Love Yahoo
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."Giphy
On a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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