Hiring Managers Share Small Things That Turn Them Off To A Potential Employee

Interviews are pretty stressful for everyone involved: the potential employee is trying to make their best impression and stressing over whether they will get the job, while the interviewer is trying to figure out if the applicant has the necessary skills and will be a good fit for the position.
Things generally work out more or less OK, even if the applicant doesn't get the job.
There are some surefire ways to bomb an interview, and ruin your chances of ever being hired by the company, though.
Reddit user u/TheLazyBench asked Redditors:
"Redditors in hiring positions: What small things immediately make you say no to the potential employee? Why?"
20.
I've hired well over 200 hundred people, mostly for jobs that involved medium-heavy duty machinery operation. Some on the public road but mostly on private grounds. These positions paid anywhere's from $30,000CAD to $120,000CAD.
A couple things I did find out that surprised me as I learned the position:
Spelling/Grammar errors in resumes, or shortage of description, really did not end up meaning anything. At first I would throw these ones out but later on kept them in the shuffle and found more or less the exact same success as well written resume.
Clothing: Super Sharp, super sloth, none of it ever really seemed to matter. I found diamonds and trash wearing both.
What I ended up basing most of my decision on in the past couple years: Parking lot behavior. I didn't care what vehicle they showed up in, but as time went on I discovered that if it took someone more than 20-30 seconds to find a parking spot and get parked, they were useless with the machinery I needed them to operate, regardless of qualifications. Likewise with guys that thought they nailed the interview and then gunned it down the road when they hit the street. I found hiring those guys always became HUGE safety concerns. No word of a lie, parking lot behavior ended up providing me with about 50% of the info I wanted on hiring a guy. Once saw a guy park in about 15 seconds flat. He also left the parking lot in the exact same manner he came in. Totally bombed the interview and the Homer Simpson Tattoo didn't help, but the guy ended up being my Train the Trainer on a few pieces of equipment. If I'm gonna trust you with 5,000-120,000 lbs of machinery, I better see that you can operate your own vehicle.
19.
Once had a guy apply for a job advertised as just "call centre" because we needed to be discreet in the ad. His cover letter and resume talked about his previous call centre experience selling mobile phones, and all the people he had "saved" and converted to his church. He kept telling us that mission work is basically just sales, because you're selling Jesus.
He somehow got through to the reference checking stage (there weren't many applicants). I called his employer and found out he was asked to leave after 6 months of formal performance management because he kept telling people who had called up that they could either enter a 2 year contract for a new mobile phone...or go to his church every week for two years to make it up to him (for the lost commission.) He has access to their addresses, so he would confirm their address and say he would meet them out the front of their houses at 8 am on Sunday to take them to church. After dozens of complaints and 6 months of performance management, he still couldn't understand how that was inappropriate (and creepy!)The job I was recruiting for was a domestic violence crisis intervention call centre to help people experiencing extreme domestic violence to relocate. I'm so glad we didn't put him there.
18.
I got a text message response to a voicemail I left responding to an application saying "hey, I'm at the Steelers game so I obviously don't want to talk about a job today. How's Monday looking for you? I'm available 8am-10am." I didn't even respond.
I called an applicant who answered "who is this? f**k you want?" and I went on to further embarrass him by informing him I had wanted to talk about an application but never mind. He proceeded to tell me I was a "lying b**ch" and that my area code on his caller said I was in a different city and he's no idiot. Literally the neighboring area code.
So the small things? I won't hire total a**holes.
17.
Embellishing. Job applications, like dating profiles, a little embellishment is expected to make yourself look good and most people can read between the lines but I once had a dude when writing down his responsibilities at his previous job, put a bunch of things like "used whisk, spatula and other kitchen utensils to circulate sauces and ingredients to bring all food to adequate cooking temperature when being prepared" , it was ALL written like that. This guy supposedly had like 5+ years experience and best he could give me was a fancy way of saying he stirred sh*t
16.
How seriously do you take the position? I hire for an admittedly very easy job. I had a guy tell me he only wanted the job because it was really easy and he wouldn't have to take it seriously. He was one of 100 applying for 6 spots. He didn't get it, and every time he interviewed for that spot after I knew I wouldn't hire him.
EDIT: For the people asking why "honesty" mattered so much, the job is very easy, but we work with extremely valuable equipment and a mistake can cost us hundreds. Someone who's going into the position openly not taking it seriously when a hundred are going for the same spot isn't something I want since you'll naturally take the job less seriously over time. Also, I've only interviewed him once a semester, it's totaled maybe three. In his place we hired awesome employees who're up for management positions, I have no regrets.
15.
There was the guy who, when I walked into the conference room to interview him, told me to have a seat and said "let's talk".
Edit: in the interests of clarity: no, he was not joking.
13.
I'm reading this thread as a hiring manager for more or less janitorial position and we are so badly hurting for employees at that spot that we'll pretty much hire anyone that applies so long as they clear the background check and drug screen.
Raggedy clothes? You're hired Don't really have great answers to questions? You're hired Can't really explain or give a reason for the stuff on the application? You're hired You physically showed you to the interview? Hired.
It's crazy that the people that interview the best, show up dressed as well as they can be in their means, and clearly want the (any) job are more often than not the ones that get shot down because of background.
Sucks that the ones getting hired over them quit two weeks in because they don't like cleaning things up.
Edit: it's not my idea to have the drug screen, and it is a one time thing
Edit 2: it's no minimum wage. It's not the best, but it's competitive for the area
12.
People that showed up to an interview in dirty sweatpants and a hoodie or whatever, and had no idea what the position really was. (Pharmacy Tech/Assistant) It happened more than once.
11.
Talking about your broccoli and chocolate diet to improve your telekinesis.
This happened about 15 years ago.
10.
We were looking for engineers, and we had this guy apply.
He had a pretty sizable amount of relevant experience to the job despite being a fresh graduate and had experiences and training in other fields related to the production industry.
I asked him what position he was applying for and offered him the Assistant Production Engineer based on his credentials alone. He looked at me with a disgusted face, like I just insulted him. I asked him what was wrong, and he replied "Nothing really. It seems like a pretty good position, but I want something better, because I can clearly see you are impressed by my resume"
I took the bait, and partly also due to our immediate need for engineers, asked him what his preferred position would be. He immediately answered that he wanted a supervisory position, like the General Production Manager. I asked him why he wanted such a position.
His reply? "Seems like one of those jobs where I can sit in the office and play games on my phone all day without having to actually do anything"
I quickly gave an excuse to end the interview right there and just told him we would call him. We didn't.
Moral of the story? Never tell your potential employer you just want to sit on your butt all day and do nothing.
9.
For phone / skype interviews: don't Google every question I ask you to get the 'right' answer. It's a dead giveaway when after every question there's 10 seconds of umming, and then a textbook answer. You'll be surprised how often this happens.
8.
Showing up late for an interview already puts you in the hole. Not addressing it or apologizing for it will make it complete. Turn a negative into a positive and show you have accountability. Not addressing it shows you don't have respect for me and my time.
7.
If you have something on your resume, it's fair game for me to ask you about it. If you struggle with basic questions about it -- game over.
6.
The biggest one for me was always whether they were responding thoughtfully and specifically to prompts or just using vague interviewy language.
5.
Treating everyone but the hiring manager disrespectfully.
I was in a management position in fast food. I didn't do the hiring, but one minor responsibility was accepting applications that people brought in and answering any initial questions. The hiring manager ALWAYS listened to the other managers initial impressions of the applicants. So many applications were thrown out of the stack without ever being considered because the applicant didn't think anyone mattered but the person that made the final decision.
I even had one lady come in and basically tell us that she would definitely be hired and be placed over us in management and that she planned on "cleaning up our act". We had a good laugh with the hiring manager before tossing her app in the trash.
4.
When the interviewee ignores the person who asked the question and instead talks to the person they "think" has the most power in the room. This has happened in entry level positions, but I also helped interview for a position that would be working at my same level, as a partner. My manager told me the decision was ultimately up to me, because I knew what I was willing to work with, and what was needed for the role.
I had a man come in and he wouldn't look at me, didn't shake my hand, and every time I asked a question, he looked to my manager for approval. Yeah... Hard pass. I don't want to work with a guy who has no respect for me.
3.
I have a small exteriors remodeling company and do all of my interviews on-site. If someone gets out of their vehicle and flicks their cigarette in the yard, it's pretty much over. For some reason people interviewing have regularly looked at the tools we're using and talked condescendingly about them and explain they learned on another brand/style and their way is better. Done. I'm open to discussion about tools and methods, but the interview isn't the place and leads me to believe I'm going to have to work hard to make you use my methods on jobs.
Edit for some clarification:
Tools/methods- we are all open to discussion about methods and tools, but talking down to the interviewer is a bad move. There's a difference between making sure we're on the same page and trying to prove you know more than the guy you're trying to get the job from. And it's never about the actual tools, I've done hiring for other businesses before my own, it's about showing a specific attitude. Those guys may do well in the industry, but my business prides itself on bringing positive attitudes to projects for homeowners and those guys can't help with that.
2.
"I'm not a big computer or email person." Get out and don't come back. This is an office job in 2019.
1.
One last thing. If you have an objective on your resume, make sure it applies to the job at my company. I cant tell you how many times people have an objective about getting a job in xxxx - that is not my company. Remember to update this!
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When Ruth Bader Ginsburg passed away in the fall of 2020, the United States panicked.
Namely, democrats and liberals were terrified by the prospect of another conservative judge on the United States Supreme Court, which already had a two-seat majority.
Then of course, there was the ongoing debate as to whether or not then-sitting president Donald Trump was entitled to pick another Supreme Court judge, as the 2020 presidential election was only weeks away.
Barack Obama was famously banned from appointing Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court owing to the fact that it was an election year, even though President Obama still had eight months left in his presidency.
Of course, RBG's death at age 87 also brought to the forefront an ongoing debate about whether there should be age limits for Supreme Court Justices.
"Would you support a mandatory retirement age of 75 for US House, US Senate & US Supreme Court Justices and if not why?"
If There Are Minimums, There Should Be Maximums
"Yes."
"We have age minimums."
"We need maximum age limits these people are making decisions for a future they won't be involved in."- mattjf22
Age Doesn't Always Equal Wisdom...
"I am 82 years old."
"Personally, I feel that anyone my age who still gets off on power needs to be kept away from normal people."
"But to the point of this post, the world has been run by old people since the beginning of our species, and just look at the place!"
"Yes, if you were intelligent to begin with your wisdom and common sense will increase with age, but so will your cynicism."
"If you were a young jacka**, you will become an old jacka** — and a hide-bound prejudiced old jackass at that."
"Give them a nice pension at 70, with the condition that if they mess with politics or government again they lose the pension."- SemichiSam
Would Have Greatly Affected The Last Two Elections
"70 and as for president no one can run over 65."
"FFS get with the program folks just retire."- Upstairs-Bid6513
Age Limits Are Only The Beginning
"Age requirement of 65, 2 term limit, Congress people serve 4 year instead of 2 year terms, and no campaigning more than 60 days before the election."- Deedoodleday
Term Limits First
"I feel like if we were to attach an age to it, it should be the age of retirement, but I feel like it would be more important to have term limits."
"Limits would fix almost all the same issues and address more, without arbitrarily deciding someone is too old to serve the state."- Askmyrkr
"Term limit is the way to go."- bob2235
Not Where Our Concerns Should Be...
"No, the problem isn't age, it's our election system."
"Politicians get old in office because it's so f*cking hard to vote them out!"
"End legal bribery, end FPTP, and we'll see a much healthier turnover in our political processes."- FountainsOfFluids
What Matters Is Their Qualifications And Abilities
"I'll be the contrarian."
"If you're good, you're good, regardless of age."
"I'll take a 75-year-old who is smarter, savvier, and better representative of my values than a 35-year-old."
"If you don't like them because they're senile, don't vote for them, that's all."
"Honestly, I feel the same about lower-age limits that aren't just the age of majority."- walkerintheworld
75 Is still Too Old...
"I would go even younger at 70."
"Sure that may mean we would lose Bernie, we would also be ditching McConnell, Pelosi, and the other fossils in office who refuse to address the problems we face."- Daryno90
Wrong Priorities
"Would rather see mandatory voting like Australia."- szthesquid
Wouldn't Change Anything
"No."
"Making politicians retire at some arbitrary age would not address the underlying problems our system has."- giope_1995
"What problem are you trying to solve by doing this?"
"Apparently, people want to be represented by ancient dinosaurs."- SideShow117
Defeats The Point Of Democracy
"No, absolutely not."
"Nor should there be a minimum age (apart from 18)."
"The point of a representative democracy is that the people vote for whom they want."
"Putting restrictions on who can run serves no purpose other than invalidating the votes of people you disagree with."
"It's not up to you or me to decide who is 'valid' as a candidate."
"That's the entire point of democracy."
"And to those of you that are convinced that if all the old people were just gone, then everyone would agree with you, you're ironically the exact kind of uninformed voter that you claim to be trying to prevent."- scottevil110
"No, because if there was a 76-year-old candidate I liked I would want the freedom to vote for them."
"Supporting things like this is so short-sighted."- tedesco455
In the heat of the moment, it's easy to make rash decisions about government and democracy.
Frustrating though it may be, it's important to remember progress is a slow, steady stream and doesn't come easily.
Also worth remembering, there are indeed two sides to most arguments, and far more can be resolved in a discussion than in an attack.
As humans with autonomy and knowledge, we try to protect ourselves as much as we can. However, accidents do happen, and while we can expect the unexpected, we can't always protect ourselves from it.
Because there isn't always a defense, people sometimes have a close brush with death. They experience something that could've killed them but, by some miracle... didn't.
More people have stories like that than we expect.
Redditors are no exception and, in fact, were eager to share their close calls.
It all started when Redditor XboxCorgi asked:
"What has been your closest moment to death?"
Minding My Own Business
"Was sitting at my computer on the ground floor playing TF2 when a car came through the wall, smashed my desk and computer and almost killed me."
– caulkhead808
"I can’t imagine just chilling playing a video game and then the next second a car comes through my wall."
– RoutinePeach8752
Swim Parallel To The Shore
"I almost drowned in the ocean in Hawaii. I had swum out from shore, started getting tired, started swimming back but the current was pulling me out to sea! Scary as hell. I started to panic, but I remembered that the side stroke is the one that takes the least energy, so I started doing that and for 10 or 15 minutes just went back towards the shore. I wound up a few beaches south of where I had started! I had to walk north to return to my group."
– Snoo-35252
"I almost died like this in Panama when I was in the Army. Some of my buddies and I tried to swim out to what we thought was as an island from the beach, got halfway there only to realize it was a volcanic rock and that the waves crashing against it would surely crush/drown us. As we’re treading in murky pacific water something very large bumped against my leg (I suspect it might have been a shark but cannot say for certain as I never saw a fin). As we tried to swim back to shore we were all caught in a rip current, swimming towards the beach but going nowhere. As my friends and I ran out of steam to the point that we were panting faces barely above the water I put my foot down onto a coral reef or volcanic rock where I was able to catch my breath and then help my friends over to where I was."
"Eventually made it back to shore after swimming sideways out of the rip current, but that is legit probably the closest I’ve come to death."
"Unfortunately years later I had a friend in the army stationed in Hawaii who kayaked to an island, his boat got pulled out by the tide, and when he swam to get it he went under and never came back up. I knew we’d had a close call, but when that happened it really sunk in how incredibly stupid what we did was."
– MotoGeno
Twister!
"Joplin tornado in 2011. I was in the bathtub as my house was destroyed around me."
"Edit: I was taking cover in the bathtub, not taking a bath."
– m48a5_patton
"There was a tornado 15 years back or so in Oconto County in WI and a bar owner told us he had no shelter so he got into his bath tub and his house (trailer?) was destroyed around him. He says when it calmed down and he sat up there was a deer standing nearby looking at him and he said, "well buddy, I guess we made it.""
– arriesgado
Incredible Luck
"The light was red so I put my car to park because it was taking a while longer than usual. It went green and I forgot to take it off park, but as soon as I put it in drive a semitruck ran a red light."
– laxmagic
"Mate, that is f*cking terrifying. I can actually picture the scene and imagine the sound of it rumbling past, possibly horn blaring. Thank goodness for that little brain fart you had."
– Ecstatic_Ad_7104
"A Fart That Saved My Life"
– TheImpossibleBanana
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
"Was working on an oyster boat. It was a beautiful day and we were sorting oysters on the boat of the deck. All of a sudden I felt the gentlest of taps on the back of my skull. When I turned around I saw my supervisor, red-faced with the effort of restraining the metal boom, which had come loose and almost slammed right into my head. He was able to slow it down just in time so I only got that little tap (guy's basically all muscle). If he hadn't done that I would have been dead for sure."
– Valahar81
A Terrifying Vacation
"I went to Mexico in 2017 and nearly died my first day there. Was all good, having fun, having a few drinks, nothing too crazy though. Went to my room in the evening, and suddenly got a bad stomach ache that just got worse and worse with each min that passed. I also got feverish and delirious pretty quickly."
"I remember for some reason I decided a shower would be a good idea, and that's where my gf at the time found me heaped on the floor screaming in pain. I vaguely remember a paramedic stabbing me in the a** with some morphine which allowed to calm down. (Was not all the fun its cracked up to be, just made me sleep)"
"Get to the hospital, and they quickly find out that im going septic from a stomach infection. A few more hours and Id have been dead. Spent 3 days there, lost 30 pounds and could only eat soft fruit for about a week after."
"I also got the worst strep throat on the plane ride home too... my immune system was already weak, so it was horrible. Made me cough so much that blood came up. That was another hospital trip when I got home."
"The doctor who oversaw my care in Mexico was the most amazing doctor though. He spent the first 36 hours with me to make sure I was Ok, didn't eat or sleep or anything."
"Edit: I didn't get the infection in Mexico, I brought it with me. Doc said it had been building in my system for at least a week from the strength of it."
– Youpunyhumans
Think Fast
"I was around 3-4, picked up a live electric wire on the ground to play with. Got electrocuted immediately. Good samaritan grabbed a wooden stick and hit it out of my hands. People told my me later that they told my dad not to touch me because I was probably gone. That good samaritan saved my life. Acted when no one else did."
– champsgetup
"Wow insane that they knew what to do. I don’t think I’d be able to think that fast the correct way to save someone in such a situation."
– missilefire
Unspoken
"When I was real young, I was with my family at a hotel in Virginia (not sure which), but it had a decent sized pool.
"We were swimming in it, and my family went over to the deeper end. Not knowing how to swim, I stayed at the shallow end. After a while, I started feeling left out cause it looked like they were having fun, so I started to make my way over, hanging onto the edge."
"Dumb little me got careless, and my fingers slipped off the edge, and I started drowning pretty quick. About 5 seconds later, I get hoisted partly out of the water by a big Mexican lady, and she sets me on the edge of the pool. I hacked and coughed for a good minute before I walked along the edge to my family.
"They never noticed, and I never said a thing about it to them since."
– ThatThingTerran
Sugar Sugar
"I had undiagnosed diabetes for about 6 months, my blood sugar was in the 500's, I got to skip the line in the emergency room the doctors were so scared I was going to go to a coma."
– ThatOneTubil
"Hey, fellow diabetic here. Same story but my sugars were apparently over 800? Doc said the only reason I wasn't admitted straight to the ICU was cause I walked into the hospital instead of being brought in by an ambulance."
– Whit3Mex
Super Speed
"I was 7. My family had just arrived back home from watching The Incredibles in theaters. I decided to try and run like Dash around the whole house."
"I ended up running through the kitchen toward the back door that led to our back yard way too fast and couldn’t stop. This door had a window in it, and when I put my hands out to stop myself, I ran into the door and my hands went through the window."
"My parents heard the crash and called out for me to ask if I was ok. I came walking out of the kitchen into the living room, blood pouring from my wrist. I was in a Disney princess night gown too, so it was honestly like a scene from a horror movie."
"We lived in a remote area, so when my parents called the ambulance, it couldn’t find our house at first. My mom had to run out and flag down the ambulance while my dad was applying pressure to my wrist with a bunch of towels to try to stop the bleeding. The ambulance finally got to our house and the EMTs were able to get the bleeding to stop and take me to the hospital."
"I lived! The scar is pretty gnarly."
– turtledovefarts
Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls
"Waterfall hiking. Dipped my foot in on top and was immediately swept under and over about 3 waterfalls. Was very lucky to land where I did. Still have a chunk outta my leg to this day."
– mystery_leaf
Miraculous
"I was on the back of my dad's motorcycle and he had a heart attack and blacked out. Bike went over; I hit the ground headfirst. Luckily he felt something was wrong and slowed down, so it wasn't nearly as close to death for me as it was for him, but it was still super scary. Thank god for helmets."
– zapatodulce
"dam did you r dad survive too?"
– GetaGoodLookCostanza
"He did! This was about 10 years ago and he's been taking good care of himself and hasn't had more heart problems!"
– zapatodulce
Despite the happy ending, that might actually be the worst one, and that's saying something!
The human body is truly amazing. It's resilient, it can create antibodies to fight off infections, and it comes in all shapes and sizes.
There are some awesome facts about the human body, like that no two people have the same fingerprints.
However, there are also some creepy facts about the human body.
Redditors are well aware of this and are ready to share the creepiest facts they know about the human body.
It all started when Redditor MorBot07 asked:
"What creepy fact about the human body do you know?"
I Need To Go Take A Nap
"Too much lack of sleep can cause the brain to "eat itself", cutting connections and making things like alzheimer more probable in later life."
– 89_degree_angle
"nothing has been able to convince me to start sleeping more but i think this comment really did it for me.."
– r0saliaa
Can't Move
"If your spinal cord loses adequate blood supply for a short period of time, you can be temporarily paralyzed."
"The first sign that your spine is "waking up" again is that you regain a specific reflex, where if you squeeze that person's penis or clitoris, their anus contracts. If that happens, it's a good sign."
– AceAites
Just The Right Spot
"A single punch to the chest can stop your heart. A single punch to the gut can rupture your spleen and kill you. A single punch to the face or back of the head can kill you. (the back of the head being less sudden and more noticeable)..."
"Let it be known that, despite all the things we can endure, humans are insanely fragile in many ways you may not even have thought of."
– wolfyfancylads
The Other Side Of Me
"Some people’s organs are on the wrong side of their body, like a mirror image… It’s called Situs Inversus"
– smallCraftAdvisor
"This is true! I actually have this. Partial Situs Inversus. Dextrocardia. It doesn’t harm me just means my heart in on the wrong side so the opposite lung is smaller. Can cause issues when I’m sick but nothing more."
– FlamingArrowheads
My Choice
"There are pregnancy cancers. You can have little baby cell metastases growing in your brain if you decide to have a baby and some of cell multiplier genes go wrong."
– zeratul196
"Add that to the list of why I need bodily autonomy. 😬"
– chubbycat96
Time For A Reboot
"A seizure, despite how terrifying they may be, are your brain's response to the brain equivalent of a runtime error. Something happened that shouldn't have, and your brain is restarting to get everything running smoothly again."
"Source: epileptic since 2003"
– authorStanCrane
Ick!
"When we die, it looks like your fingernails are still growing, but it’s actually just the skin around your fingers shrinking."
– Comfortable-Pin-5769
A Body Is An Ecosystem
"Your body contains just as many foreign cells, i.e. gut bacteria, as your own body cells. These cells produce hundreds of neurochemicals that the brain uses to regulate basic physiological processes as well as mental processes such as learning, memory and mood. Some believe this is the "gut feeling" people sometimes get in certain situations."
– chaoschosen665
Genetics
"I’m currently pregnant with a girl. I’m currently holding the cells that could become my grandchild."
– dreamqueen9103
"Samesies. Every person in existence was once half inside their biological maternal grandmother."
– Magnaflorius
Counterproductive
"I don’t know if it qualifies as creepy.. I’m a nurse, and I’ve always found it interesting how the body attempts to compensate when sick which incidentally tends to lead to you becoming sicker because of how overworked your body is."
– Chowel98
Different Species, One Body
"An estimated 30 trillion cells in your body—less than a third—are human. The other 70-90% are bacterial and fungal. Ninety-nine percent of the unique genes in your body are bacterial."
– AwiiiLama
Uncomprehensible
"If you have a stroke (or other brain injury) that effects parts of the brain associated with speech, you will probably end up with some type of aphasia."
"For example, my “favorite” type of aphasia is Wernicke’s Aphasia; patients can form whole words and even sentences, but they usually make no sense. I had a patient with Wernicke’s Aphasia who would constantly say something close to “we have to rescue the dog(s) from the DMV!” It took me about 30 mins to figure out this person wanted something to drink."
– YayAdamYay
A Whole New Person
"I heard or read once that essentially every 7 years your body has completely regenerated. Of course it's a slow on going process but 7 years from now no cell that's currently in your body will still be there."
– randomradomski
No Changes
"Eyes are the only part of the body that don't grow. Same size when you die as when you were born."
– lookatmypackage
We Are Strong
"You could easily bite your own fingers or tongue off, but (unless you're seriously mentally ill) your brain prevents you from doing so."
– endorrawitch
They say knowledge is power, but I'm not sure I'm better off for knowing of this!
Until we're in a situation, we'll never really know how we'll react.
I have been in this scenario, though.
Sex matters. And people rarely want to admit how much.
But sex isn't a lifetime guarantee.
It fades, as does love.
It's important to speak about it.
It can be a fixable situation.
A relationship without sex may not be the end of the world, but it's definitely a sign that something is off.
Redditor Deviant55 wanted to talk about physical intimacy in relationships, so they asked:
"How important is sex to you in a relationship? Could you be with someone you love even if sex was off the table indefinitely?"
I learned how much sex matters in my last relationship.
Once I wasn't interested, it kind of killed everything.
Forever
"When my wife of 30+ years became too ill for sex to be even remotely interesting for her, I certainly did not end the relationship. I loved her and I took care of her until she died. No other course even occurred to me."
fvillion
Frustration
"When I met my wife we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. This lasted a few years. I was in my mid-twenties when we married. She developed a chronic medical issue. I’ve gone twenty years being sexually frustrated. There are stages and phases to this."
"What I came to realize is that I love my wife. Yes, sex is important in our relationship. But I would rather have her in my life with no sex than have sex without her."
"The thing is, I love her. She can’t help her situation. I can’t help it. One deals with it. Marriage is more than sex. It is building a life and memories, raising a family, and loving each other regardless of the challenges life throws our way. But sex is very important. It helps keep the closeness and the emotional bond. But it isn’t the only thing that does that."
QuietusNoctis
I Love Her
"It is complicated. I am in a near-sexless marriage. The wife needs antidepressants to function. And it kills her libido. So usually it is four to six times a year. My libido rages. And yeah, it sucks. I dream of more sex."
"But I love the chick. She loves me to the moon and back. I’m not willing to sacrifice her love so I can try dating again. Divorce rates these days? And I found a woman who more than tolerates me, she loves me. I’ll stay. And not to be crude but yeah I masturbate. A lot. She doesn’t begrudge me that. Occasionally she even encourages it."
"She went off her meds for a while. And man did we do it. But she was a mess. I need her healthy more than I need a shag. We travel together. We enjoy each other’s company. We actually like each other. I could claim that it is hell, but I choose to see all of the good I am blessed with."
painthawg_goose
Heartless
"Quite important. But I think it depends on where you are in the relationship. I've been married for 10 years. I have kids. If my wife suddenly couldn't have sex with me for some reason -- illness or injury or something -- I'm not divorcing her over it. That's heartless."
"Now, if she just decided we weren't ever having sex again because she didn't feel like it, that'd be different. Or if I was just starting to date someone and they told me they'd never have sex, I probably just wouldn't keep pursuing the relationship. Plenty of people out there who will."
Arkhangelzk
Necessity
"It depends on the circumstances. I LOVE doing it with my man but I love his heart and soul more. If we had to stop having sex for medical reasons or something I’d definitely stay with him and stay faithful. If I was single, I think it’s unlikely I’d start a new relationship knowing it would be sex free."
Fit_Technology8240
Heart and soul is just as necessary and hot and sweaty.
At least a lot of people recognize that.
Percentages
"Sex life is 10% of a relationship when it’s good and 90% of a relationship when it’s bad."
jakovichontwitch
"The other way I've heard it put is that sex is like the bathroom in your house. It's not the only reason you bought the house, but if it's not working it's a big problem."
molten_dragon
Age Related
"50-year-old here married for 27 years. It’s not important. It was important when we were younger but honestly, if sex wasn’t possible I would still love my wife and really nothing about our day would really change."
Kantforall
"I’ve been reading these comments and wishing that everyone’s age was flared on their post because I sense that there are a lot of under-60-year-olds. I am older than my wife but she is starting menopause and I can see the writing on the wall. Not super thrilled but I love her completely and understand. The real intimacy is in how we still (and will always) want to sleep touching each other and waking up next to each other."
caffeinated-hijinx
Kiss Me
"I honestly considered this before. I absolutely adored this guy. It was like a child relationship; we'd kiss and cuddle and hold hands and things, but he wouldn't have sex with me, nor would he commit properly. Any time we came close to sex, he'd go soft or back off."
"I couldn't understand it, wondered if I could keep doing that. My sex drive was wild. Why kiss and the rest but not sex?"
"Then one day he told me he was in love with me and asked me out properly. I said yes there and then, had a wonderful day with him, but when I went home, I was left questioning if I could possibly live without sex. I decided that yeah, I loved him but it would be tough."
"We had sex the next day. So yes, I think I probably could."
Adventurous_Train_48
Touchy/affectionate...
"It's very important. I'm a very affectionate and physical person and touch/caresses and anything physical is one of my love languages. I couldn't function with someone who is the opposite of me or who's uncomfortable with how I am. I already was in a relationship with someone who wasn't that touchy/affectionate and it created frustration for both of us."
Borboleta77
Don't Look at Me
"I am in a sexless relationship. He has erectile dysfunction and I really don't like sex in general. I'm really uncomfortable naked or even vulnerable. I'm shy around him despite the relationship being 10 years nearly, I'm even shy around my family and friends. Everything about sex makes me feel so embarrassed, and I feel nothing but negative feelings when I used to be sexually active. Not through choice of partner, I just hate that sort of attention."
NucularOrchid
Definitive!
"10/10. Sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker!"
oeeiae
Sex is important but not everything.
Until it is everything if it becomes an issue.
Good luck couples. Open and honest communication is key.