Boo! ...Did I scare you?
Tis the season to be spooky! And it's truly shaping up to be a fun one. But with the season comes the season's idiosyncrasies.
u/FTWmedic31 asked Reddit:
Here were the spoopiest answers.
A Monster Bone Mash
Being in the coffin on your knees for four hours and how much they hurt the next day.
Fight Or Flight
I've worked in a few over the years and I was usually one of the guys in the scary outfits to jump out at people.
There is a significant number of people that attack when they get frightened. A few bloody noses and one woman's ring cut my cheek.
Seems Like A Waste For Ya, Friends
When I helped at my local haunted house for extra cash, it was groups of football players or tough guys. They pay money to come in, and then act like nothing affects them, saying it's all stupid... why even come and pay money?
Be A Serious Acteur
Has to be the silicone masks. Especially the ones of distorted and ugly freaks, so hard to see and breathe.
But also now when I go to a haunted house I have expectations for the actors, like we're told never break character no matter what someone asks you and I've seen this happen at my own haunt when I came as a guest for a bachelorette party, one of the girls kept asking various actors how they were doing and several of them broke character and answered even when a manager was walking through behind the group.
It's A Tough Job
A couple things that are irritating.
- Washing off the make-up at the end of the night.
- Trying to keep the same energy for 6-8 hours of scares.
- Your voice tends to become extremely sore from screaming all night. You have to deal with people who show up to the haunt who don't want to be scared, they just want to tell laugh in your face and call you names.
- When you scare someone who can't control their body when they are afraid, they tend to throw their arms around or throw things at you. Getting hit in the face sucks even if it's from a 80lb person.
- You usually get off work late at night, so finding a decent place to eat can be difficult. It usually is McDonald or Taco Bell.
- You end up doing a lot of physical activity. So if you are wearing a costume (usually rubber) you end up stinking like synthetic sh*t.
Once Upon A Midnight Dreary
I once was a part of a haunted house in school. I was in charge of the props and costumes, along with the Deco. But on the day, someone was sick and I had to take their place. Luckily, I had been to acting camp before, and I had experience.
Apparently, I was so good that when I jump scared someone they freaked out and literally roundhouse kicked me in the face.
I suffered a bloody and broken nose and had to take 12 stitches for where my fake skeleton nose stabbed my cheek from the impact.
So I guess the worse part is the more... Jumpy people.
Still participating in this year's tho. Hopefully I don't get kicked again.
Management: I once volunteered at a local haunt and had a great setup I devised with another girl. During our test runs she would distract the guest by being creepy and, when they thought that was all, they'd pass by me hiding in a nook and I would surprise them with my absolutely blood curdling sonic scream... we made so many people jump with fright! Even people who knew what was coming would still jump outta their skin, including those who had been through already!
We were the talk of the camp. Days before the grand opening, though, the manager/owner decided to split us up and completely ruined our jazz. My new section had nothing that I could reasonably work with. Furthermore, I was all by myself... not an ideal situation for a woman playing a character in a haunted warehouse. The following test run garnered reactions that fall more under the category of annoyance and boredom, rather than fright. I tried reasoning with the owner to change it back to the way it was, but they refused. Being that it was a volunteer position, I quit. That was almost ten years ago and I'm still shaking my head in disapproval. What a shame.
And You're Out
I worked in a haunted house for a famous theme park. I did the jump scares and had an awesome scream that could usually get a jump out of most people. The worst people were the teenage girls actually. I always hear them say "I will punch/hit/kick anyone that scares me". And most actually do it to make the group laugh.
It's not funny. I got hit several times from these kind of people and I actually got a bloody nose and a cut cheek from a ring one girl was wearing. I don't understand people who go into places knowing their reaction would be something like this. It just hurts me and gets you thrown out of the park.
This Is Real Blood
A patron broke my nose. By accident.
Especially towards the end of the night, drunk patrons are an actual threat (I've had a couple slapstick roadhouse moments), but this one was totally my fault. I heard two screaming women (screamers are great because they make things more fun/scary for other patrons, and they're a morale boost for the workers, too). I was roaming a nearby, open room, so I immediately hunted them down. I put them into a small room where I knew another coworker would not be immediately noticed, but scare them after a beat. I tried to time tossing them in, waiting from the other side of the doorway so that it would go down that they enter, jump scare, turn, flanking jump scare. I had them pegged for the deer-in-headlights type -- I was so wrong. When I pivoted into the doorway, I immediately took a forehead to the face as they ran out, gushing real blood over fake as my nose was smashed. Totally stunned, unable to talk, I took a knee, and the two women stopped. "Is that for real? :pause: Let's keep going."
There was supposed to be security only 10 feet behind me, but they had wandered, so as I gathered my wits enough to talk, I spent several minutes calling out the worker's safeword until someone found me and could guide me off to the greenroom area.
This was a non-profit organization with little or no insurance, I was a volunteer, and had signed a waiver indemnifying the organization. I was also broke, so rather than go for medical attention, I spent the next hour or two in the greenroom as people filtered in and out, with people sheepishly commenting that I was probably ok. When I brought up the incident the next year with the guy who found me (coincidentally an EMT), his immediate response was, "yeah, I knew that was broken the moment I saw you." I have a c bit of displaced cartilage that pokes up just beneath the skin. It itched for months.
After that I didn't want to risk incidental contact with patrons, so I spent my remaining days of the season working front of house as the Guy with the Busted Face. During that time I met a returning patron who had crazily enough just gotten out of the hospital the year before. He was a stabbing victim with no sternum, and still had drains in his chest, but he came out anyway. This year that I met him, my coworker recognized him, he showed us his lack of sternum (soon to be replaced, he said), and we again hooked him up with a glow light that signaled to haunted house workers to handle with care.
I was a vampire. Being assaulted and having to stay in character till the room was clear to report them to security. Being hurt physically by a customer just for scaring them. People bringing in infants. Just to be safe I'd refuse to do my act and just smile and wave when there was an infant in the group so no one would get scared and somehow knock over the mother holding the baby. It ruins the experience for the whole group. People would also bring in their small children and tell you off for scaring the small child.
"What makes someone bad in bed?"
WHERE TO BEGIN?!
The list is endless.
Half the time all it takes to be better is a little effort.
RedditorMidoriSpicewanted to hear about the lack of skills some people really need to acquire when it comes to sexy time. They asked:
"What makes someone bad in bed?"
I love sex. But it can be stressful. I've always found connection to be one of the best lessons.
CommunicationsGIF by HULUGiphy
"Assuming they already know what their partner wants/likes and doesn't communicate or take any instructions."
Take it Slow
"No foreplay and not caring if your partner is enjoying it."
"I had an ex who literally never wanted to do any kind of foreplay. He just wanted basically sex of any kind for him. He said oral on women was gross."
"Proposing mid intercourse."
"Honestly? With the partner I have, I'd think it was pretty hot and romantic lmao. I'd check in after the deed to make sure he was serious but our relationship is already very serious so it wouldn't be a big deal."
Talk to Me
"Not talking or making any noises. We don't have to dirty talk the whole time or even at all but you gotta let me know you're enjoying it at least."
"I think there's some balance between having some small talk, silence, and dirty talk while being in bed with someone. Or maybe that's just been my experience. I don't know--I think there's some fun in trying to carry a side conversation while having sex lol."
"Friction isn’t always a good thing."
YuckBored Larry Bird GIF by SB NationGiphy
"To this you can add unclipped fingernails."
"And dirty fingernails. Nah, ma'am. I’m betting this is not worth the infection. Thanks."
‘good at sex’
"I have a feeling most men will say 'lack of enthusiasm' and that most women will say 'being selfish about pleasure.'"
"I’m a woman and my first thought was lack of enthusiasm, but my own lack of enthusiasm. The only bad sex I’ve had is when I don’t genuinely want to be there. I’ve had sex with guys who weren’t ‘good at sex’ but still enjoyed it because I was really into them."
"They are convinced they know more about what works for you than you know yourself. Just cause your ex-lover Pat liked technique X doesn't mean everyone does."
"Have experienced this, it sucks. He wouldn’t listen to what I enjoyed, didn’t want me to say ANYTHING even if it hurt or wasn’t working, and would just say something along the lines of 'every other woman I’ve been with liked it.' I’m thinking, all you’ve had are one-night stands, really, so they probably didn’t say anything."
"I’ve had numerous partners and love sex. Crashed and burned with this one and he really crushed my self-esteem and sexual confidence."
"The biggest thing is always going to be selfishness and the inability/refusal to communicate and listen to your partner. I've seriously had a guy yell 'I KNOW HOW TO DO IT!' when I was trying to tell him how I liked whatever he was doing. He then got even more upset when I said 'did you just f**king yell at me? Alright, off, I'm done.'"
FlavorsAmanda Seales Wow GIF by truTVGiphy
"Lack of variety. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean crazy kinks or positions from the karma sutra, but more when it's really predicable. I has an ex that had this weird routine of positions, it was exactly the same every single f**king time in exactly the same order."
Sex. Let's be better at it.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Love is so elusive these days isn't it?
Who knows what anyone is looking for in the relationship department anymore.
It's all too exhausting.
But people we keep trying.
RedditorProblemNice5257wanted to hear why so many people are still on the hunt for that perfect one. They asked:
"Why are you single right now?"
I'm single because I've given up. And I'm good. For now.
PeaceSnoop Dogg Reaction GIFGiphy
"I put absolutely no effort into meeting someone."
"Same! Also it's extremely difficult when you feel so at peace being by yourself. The fact that I have to find someone whose presence outweighs my level of comfort being alone seems impossible."
"Hard to meet people when you are a hermit."
"Yeah, I describe myself as a shut-in, lol. I leave my apartment to work, I leave my apartment to buy food, and occasionally I’ll bring out the trash, otherwise I just watch Hulu, play online chess, surf Reddit."
"Same. I've spent months trying to find an apartment I can afford without a roommate and finally settled on a small studio apartment for $1100 a month because I'd rather living in a tiny space and be left the hell alone than share a much nicer place even with a good friend."
"I have too many unsolved issues, i can't in good conscience bring someone else into them."
"Idk your issues but everyone's got some crap. Not sure how unique yours are but everyone's got some crap. It's good to share some of your struggles with other people. Just don't open with it haha."
"Issues unresolved or not, (in my case) only makes it worse when you feel like you could open up to them, and they just take those to use it against yourself afterwards."
"I hardly go out and expose myself to people. I'm uncomfortable with the notion of myself being in a relationship at this point. Also, I'm very dry in terms of personality."
"I spent a year entirely isolated due to covid and now I can't handle physical contact. It makes me really uncomfortable and a hug is enough to make my body shut down. I'm hopeless."
truthCaptain America Lol GIF by mtvGiphy
"Supply chain issue."
"Best answer here."
That's funny. But it feels oddly true.
Ahhh...Think Winnie The Pooh GIFGiphy
"I'm attracted to many, and unattractive to all."
"Last relationship was so toxic, I've sworn off dating, at least for awhile. I haven't had this much free time in ages. It's nice."
"Edit: Hey, it's really great hearing from so many people with similar experiences. Like many of you, I've been taking it in stride and focusing on bettering myself, both physically and mentally. It's done wonders for my health and I feel a whole lot better. I wish y'all the very best. Stay excellent, my friends."
"I'm 35yr old single father to a 5yr old and I work nights. It's hard to find free time to meet someone, especially in my area. If I do have free time to myself, I like staying home and ordering a pizza while drinking some beers and playing video games. I pretty much faced the fact that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life."
"I was in an 8 year relationship (married for two) to my high school sweetheart. Exactly this same time last year, we got divorced because I found out he was cheating on me with my best friend. The best friend I had known LONGER than him and was friends with since fourth grade."
"She was living with us to try to get back on her feet. Yeah lol. So I lost my best friend and the man I had been with for 8 years within the same night. So I moved to another state, got an apartment by myself, and am now single and divorced all by 26. Not really looking unless the right person comes along."
"It’s pretty happy and peaceful now that they’re both out of my life though honestly. You realize people’s toxicity and flaws the most once you get space away from them."
Bad LoopSeth Meyers Whatever GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"Because my relationships end before they even begin."
"This is my story right here."
Alright. Now that we've laid out all the excuses, let's get to matching with some people.
There is no bigger mystery than what happens to us after we die.
But even those who don't practice an organized religion tend to believe that there is a Heaven, a happy joyful place where our souls will remain for eternity.
No two people share the same idea of what heaven would be like, but everyone who believes in it probably has an idea of the first thing they'd do after entering the pearly gates.
Redditor WeDidItGuyz was curious to hear what would be top on everyone's list upon entering the afterlife, leading them to ask:
"If heaven exists, what’s the first thing you’d do?"
Overcome with joy
"In all reality?"
"Probably cry for about 30 minutes because the biggest existential fear at the very core my humanity has now been lifted."
"If Heaven exists, like 50% of the awesomeness is just the very fact that it exists."heaven gate GIF by South Park Giphy
A re-match long in the making
"Ask my childhood friend Kevon for a race."
"He used to beat me handily when were younger (9-13) and he’d always brag."
"When I got older and faster I moved away so I was never able to race him again."
"We arranged for a race but he was shot multiple times and bound to a wheelchair until he passed a few years ago."
"I wanna race him both in our prime."- Abethegreat1
Reunite with loved ones
"Find my husband, give him a huge hug and never let go again."
"Live our forever together."
"I f*cking love him and miss him so much."- jessdfrench
"Embrace my sweet wife and tell her how proud I am of the kids."- RifleShower
"Try to find my brother."
"Man, I miss him."
"He died in 2020 at age 34."- grummlinds1
"Give my mum and dad a big hug."- goonerjack007Miss U GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy
Achieve the "firsts" we never got to do
"Find my son and have a beer with him."
"Something we never got to do in real life."- tanukis_parachute
Hone new skills
"Try to play Smoke on the water on my harp."- Ashtar-the-Squid
The joy of doing nothing
"Rest."- BanzaikoowaidCare Free Black Girls GIF by AuroraDrawsGiphy
Live on without pain
"Enjoy my healthy back without pain."- Knackbein_
Who knows what's in store for us after our lives come to an end.
But living with the idea that something wonderful awaits when our time has come is all people need to continue to live their lives to the fullest, and treat others with the respect and kindness they deserve.
"Fun facts" generally refers to a tidbit of information about a specific topic which the general public might not have otherwise known about.
But the first word in that term can be misleading.
Indeed, some "fun facts" reveal information that isn't remotely "fun" in the slightes.
Redditor Alternative_kachocho was curious to hear some "fun facts" which were anything but fun, leading them to ask:
What's a 'fun fact' that isn’t fun at all?"
Ironically, something you likely don't think about...
"Your brain blocks you from feeling your organs moving around inside you."- Aydengeist06
Try watching Finding Nemonow...
"Only one in a thousand sea turtles born actually make it to adulthood."- Sebs_123
Shocking new light on an age old classic
"In the books, Stuart Little was never explicitly called a mouse."
"He's pretty much described as a deformed mouse-esque person born form human parents."- Red_Beard47stuart little mouse GIF by VIASAT3Giphy
Nature running it's course...
"There's a bird that feeds its younger offspring to the eldest."- Teacup_Cult
I have no allergies... yet
"Speaking from personal experience here, but your body can randomly decide to become allergic to damn near everything edible at any time."
"Not very fun."- smallemochick
Those poor, innocent creatures.
"In some regions of Australia, 90 percent of koalas have chlamydia, which poses a threat to the species' extinction unless a vaccine is created or widespread koala culling takes place."- tiffanyjcrusekoalas kiss GIFGiphy
They'd still be here if they weren't so delicious...
"The giant tortoise was so delicious, it caused not only itself to be hunted to extinction, but also the dodo."
"Giant tortoise meat was supposedly better tasting than chicken."
"It's fat tasted better spread on bread than butter."
"Also, it was the perfect food for sailors at the time, as their bladders stored 1 litre of purified water, and they could survive without food in hibernation for almost a whole year in the hull of a ship."
"Not to mention, because they evolved without humans, they were easy to hunt."
"You could tie one to your back, and roll another to the ship and they would just let you."
"It was so delicious, they went unrecorded for a long time because expeditions to bring living samples of wildlife to Europe kept eating them on the way."
"Conversely, the dodo, while as easily captured by sailors, tasted awful."
"It was completely unpalatable."
"HOWEVER, one day, someone discovered if you cooked dodo meat in the more delicious tortoise fat, it tasted just like chicken."
"So now, sailors were hunting a few tortoises at a time for their fat and water, storing them, and then hunting dodos on the daily."
"Overhunting, plus the introduction of rats to the environment (because sailors) which would eat eggs, led go the population to decline at a rate they could not breed to keep up, leading to both animals going extinct."- Kyhan
Don't forget the nose plugs
"Antarctica smells like penguin poop."
"Antarctica is a desert, it is too cold for bacteria to live."
"Nothing there to clean up penguin droppings."
"If you are close enough to see penguins, you will also smell them."- gummby8
Makes those long lines so worth it...
"The TSA missed 96% of contraband during an inspection in 2015."- omegasix321All Falls Down Tsa GIF by Kanye WestGiphy
"The person who had the first facial transplant had her face chewed up by her Labrador dog while asleep due to sleeping pill overdose." - User Deleted
It's hard not to read some of these "fun facts" and wonder if there should be an alternative term for the facts which aren't fun.
Oh yeah, probably not....