"I have a few..."

I have a few but the worst, as I've said on here before, was when a colleague gave me a lift home from work as my wife was busy. When he dropped me off, I went into 'wife dropping me off' default mode, and leaned in for a goodbye kiss. Luckily for me, he wasn't looking and either didn't notice, or had an existential crisis and never mentioned it. The walk to my front door was spent bemoaning the fact I had been born.

SoapyRibnaut

"I was running late..."

I was running late one morning my junior year of high school and I had just missed the bus but I had hoped if I ran after it maybe it would stop, so I started running. I got right along side it but my backpack was too heavy and I fell face first onto the road. I could hear everyone laughing so I just laid there, pretended to be unconscious. Eventually I heard the bus leave and I got up and ran away, hid behind a neighbor's car. About a minute later the bus driver and two football players came running around the corner. Apparently the bus driver moved the bus to the field behind the neighborhood and they were going to come help me. But I was gone. I refused to get on the bus again. Fortunately I had already had my driver's license and a couple weeks later I got my first car so it wasn't a problem.

carmelacorleone

"I was pretty drunk..."

I was pretty drunk at a bar when I approached two women sitting by themselves, I then proceeded to say "What are two fine ladies like you doing all alone on Thanksgiving?...." It was Valentine's Day.

Taboo08

"I worked at a museum..."

I worked at a museum as a young man and my job included talking to school groups before they went in. I had to speak in front of a group of older girls (close to my age) and I was hella nervous (I went to an all boys school). I got through my talk alright but, when I went to walk out the side, I bumped into a banner, which I promptly apologised to. "Oh, sorry".

dinnersateight

"I was at a waterpark..."

I was at a waterpark with family and towards the end of the afternoon, a woman came up to me and whispered in my ear that I have a problem with my swimsuit. I reached behind and noticed a huge gap. The fabric was torn right in the middle and you could see my crack. I was running around like this all day and no one said anything.

SaRe-1995

"The most embarrassing moment..."

The most embarrassing moment resulted on a weekend that I was organist for 3 weddings and 2 funerals, starting Friday evening into Saturday.

At one point, when the priest gave the signal to begin, I lost my concentration and started playing a funeral processional for music as the bride came down the aisle (instead of the wedding march).

Back2Bach

"Nothing terribly bad..."

I was a freshman in high school, was a fat kid and thus wasn't very good at navigating new social areas. I met a girl, thought she was really pretty and had cool tastes in music and movies, so I went up and tried to introduce myself and talk to her on the bus. Nothing terribly bad or awkward happened, I just introduced myself and said I thought she seemed really cool; she seemed confused, and I took that as a clue that I was barking up the wrong tree and left her alone.

A few days later, I overheard a girl in one of my classes mention her, and that some creepy fat guy was was stalking her on the bus. Naturally, I was mortified, and didn't talk to many girls for a long time after that. I got a lot better with socialization and more comfortable with meeting new people, but I'll never forget how terrible it felt to be called a creep after a single exchange of introducing myself and telling her I thought she had really interesting tastes. I'd never had someone spread a rumor about me before, and I still remember it clear as day.

Madrojian

"When I was in middle school..."

When I was in middle school a lot of us were going through puberty and one girl in particular developed very quickly and very noticeably, she was stacked.

Well we got along pretty well before everything started getting confusing and we both rode the same bus home so one day we're sharing a seat and her friend was sitting across the aisle from us so they get chatting and after a bit she leans back and lays her head in my lap, and she's wearing a pretty low cut shirt so gravity is doing God's work and I'm getting the view of a lifetime while trying desperately to not be a creep because of raging hormones, about a minute in and I've got a situation that would make devil blush and it's just pounding on the back of this poor girls head with every heartbeat.

She caught on pretty quick and sat up for the rest of the ride and our friendship dissipated quicker than my wood.

Zumvault

"Day comes..."

Didn't eat fast food growing up.

Went to Subway with friends a couple times in my early 20's but didn't order. Seemed confusing and intimidating.

Began studying ordering techniques of friends so maybe I could try it some day.

Day comes where I'm ready to take the next step. Have my order memorized. I knock down my request segment by segment, like I'm reciting a script I'd been up all night rehearsing. Foot long. Ham. White. Swiss cheese. Lettuce and tomato.

Pretty excited because I'd nailed it. I stand idly by with my hands casually behind my back, lips optimistically pursed, trying to play it cool so everyone else could be fooled into thinking I'm a perfectly regular human being who'd totally ordered a sandwich before.

Subway worker throws me a curveball.

"Is this going to be a meal?"

Not completely sure why he wants to know if it's going to be my entire dinner or not. Sort of thought he may have been inviting himself over or something. Just felt like really odd small talk to make.

I become panicked and non-committal on the inside, still totally cool on the outside. I pause to contemplate for a moment then I say, "I don't know, we'll see."

Worker freezes.

Friend freezes.

I'm still up on my toes, hands behind my back, casually staring ahead waiting to pay for my sandwich.

Feels like an hour goes by but a couple moments of silence pass before it's explained to me that a Meal in this case means a sandwich, chips, and a drink.

Friend never wants to be seen in public with me again.

rake2204