Harry Potter Fans Share R-Rated Things Might Happen In The Wizarding World
Photo via Wikimedia Commons


JK Rowling has done so well at creating the world that Harry Potter inhabits that we now have an understanding that allows (dangerously) for speculation. And fans love to speculate.

u/eL7Square asked Reddit:

What are some R-rated things that probably happen in the world of Harry Potter that the story doesn't address?

Here were some of the R-rated answers.

The Charm-a Sutra


You know some witch or wizard has written a book of erotic bedroom spells.


The Cost Of Love


The implications around love potions and spells are disturbing to think about. Even the books touch on it a little bit with Voldemort's parents.

And yet they're openly and legally sold to teenagers.

In fact, I cannot think of a single "good" use for a love potion.

Rowling did not think this through. The Imperious curse that removes free will is "Unforgivable", but the potion that forces you to love someone you normally wouldn't is A-Ok?


Luck Of The Cauldron


I guarantee there is at least one person out there who is addicted to Felix Felicis (the luck potion from Half-Blood Prince). I mean, if it can get you a "perfect day", don't you think there is someone out there who brews that stuff on bulk, or even a company that just sells that, and uses it every day to try and have a perfect life? Maybe there's a rehab center or a "Feliciholics Anonymous" for people who are Felix Felicis addicts trying to quit (similar to actual drugs in the muggle world).


Creative Goals


Someone probably at one point stuck their wand up their own a** and used an illumination spell to turn them self into a jack-o-lantern. I know I would.




Accidental genital mutilation by incorrectly using enlarging charms.


Curse Blockers


Do you ever think about how many people must work in curse-proofing? Like, there must be a pretty sizable economic sector dedicated to putting curse blockers on, for instance, basically everything that magical world leaders ever come into contact with. How many leaders around the world do you think were killed by exploding forks or furniture turning into lions or something of that nature? Magical anti-terrorism must be pretty hectic in a world where anything can theoretically be turned into a bomb with the right spell. Even when you're just casually walking through a crowd of magic users, you're essentially surrounded by a bunch of people with guns; they could all kill someone if they know "avada kedavra." I thought you can't block that curse, so how do leaders stay safe during public events? Then of course there's polyjuice potion; do you think they have a scanner to make sure everyone who enters a government building is really who they say they are? They clearly don't at the bank since Hermione was able to get in as Bellatrix.


Corporal Violence


The punishments are pretty extreme. Azkaban should be considered a crime against humanity. In the Fantastic Beasts movie it was too easy for the main characters to be sent for execution. It also bothered me that the executioners were so calm/happy helping someone die. Umbridge should not have been able to use a magical hand-scarring pen to punish people. Honestly, it feels like the law in that world has no limits, and I'd be scared if I lived somewhere in which that was normal. Wizards/witches have probably committed some pretty sick acts because their legal system is shady. For example, they could torture someone as punishment and instantly heal them, over and over again. Or they can use a spell that forces them to experience their worst nightmares.


I've Got Dragon Pox


I've always wondered how many sexual mishaps Madame Pomfrey has to deal with. Like, there has to be male students who tried an "engorging" charm at one point or another and it backfired. What about STDs? Do wizards have different STDs? Newt Scamander said that Muggles have different physiologies than wizards (in context of medications). That said, can a Muggle born introduce a new STD to the wizarding community? There has to be birth control charms or potions, as you never hear of pregnant students at Hogwarts. Is there an abortion spell/potion? Is this controversial in the wizard world? Is there a spell that girls can use to intentionally stop a period? I mean, if you can magically straighten teeth or have skelo-grow, I don't see it as being that far-fetched.


Red Flags


Let's just break some things down about the wizarding world, some red-flag stuff:

  1. Everyone that attends Hogwarts has a 5th grade education. You receive your Hogwarts acceptance letter between your 10th and 11th birthday (seems to be some uncertainty on that). That puts a kid roughly around 5th grade of elementary school wherein they are pulled out of their education and brought into a curriculum tailored towards magic more-so than academics. Yes, of course, learning about magic is hugely important and many education systems throughout the world are less than stellar, but I very much doubt the curriculum is tailored to help students learn and retain all the necessary levels of information to be able to actually interact with society easily.
  2. Muggle-society has developed in a much more sophisticated manner than the wizarding society. Reread Harry Potter and watch how Arthur Weasley gets when it comes to interacting with anything muggle related. He works for the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office, which is focused on making sure enchanted muggle items are kept well and clear from muggles. He is constantly amazed at muggle ingenuity. How they have developed the technology that they have. How things work and operate. Airplanes are a total mystery to him. Looking at how everything operates and looks in the wizarding world, it doesn't look like that is exclusive to him. I would argue that their dependence on magic to solve all things has led, ultimately, to a fundamental lack of innovation. They merely can make things fly, without ever attempting to understand the underlying reality of it all. Also, it's telling that both Hermione and Harry act very differently compared to many others because of their upbringing. Having no knowledge of magic or the wizarding world, they operated in a world where finding answers and getting results required actual application of knowledge, resourcefulness, and effort.
  3. Muggle studies. An elective taken from the third year on. Subjects include "Why muggles need electricity.", hangman, crosswords, and playgrounds. Most considered it an easy class, not worth taking the time in (Percy Weasley felt it should be important, in contrast, so as to help the magical community better understand and relate to the non-magical community). Let us not forget that within a century, two Dark Lords rose to power both believing that all muggles should be subjugated to the wizarding world, and they had a lot of support. Having a poor understanding of other groups of peoples and communities is an easy way to ultimately dehumanize them and see them as nothing more than tools and pawns.
  4. The government within the wizarding world is... flimsy. Now, at the end of the day, wizards are humans and human nature and politics leads to inevitable conclusions. That said, the politics and bureaucracy present in the wizarding world is nothing short of a disaster. With how easily things can change and be swayed, from peaceful and cooperate to violent and subversive, stability leaves a lot to be questioned. To be frank, the only form of clear direction and ambition is present only when the Death Eaters and Voldemort take control. Beforehand, it was stagnant and ultimately wanted to keep its fingers in its ears. It's even telling in what became the norm: He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. When you are afraid to speak a name, and thusly things related to the individual, you have granted a lot of power out of your own cowardice. And the wizarrding world gave Voldemort a lot of power.
  5. Clear separation of the magical and non-magical communities. Yes, you can't just drop the veil and hope all will be well. But really look at how things operate. Arthur is amazed at the Grangers exchanging their money for wizard money, and have their own for0m of currency. Transportation is by brooms and floo systems. Communication through birds. Buildings are hidden in plain sight. The magical community goes through little effort to ever actually live in the non-magical world, but wishes to do all it can to separate itself. Now, obviously such places that are separated must exist for the safety of everyone. But this constant separation only amplifies my 3rd point and that they are terrible at actually cooperating with their non-magical neighbors.

So why do I mention all of these things. It's real easy to read Harry Potter and think "Oh man! Being a wizard would be amazing! I want to be in that world!", but the reality is that things aren't better, just more of the same in a different way. They are, broadly speaking, a group of easily swayed people that wish to remain removed from a situation that cannot be solved by magic alone: interacting with non-magical people. However, they also lack the ability to take responsibility and investigate matters in a way that would actually protect those that don't even know another world exists. They wield some of the most powerful forces known to humankind, and have the education of middle schoolers and societal functionality of older kingdoms. Imagine a group of people like that existing in this world, and tell me how order is ultimately maintained?

Either it isn't, and magical members of the community regularly interact and interfere with muggle society to their own gains, with little regard to its impact. Or there is ultimately a "task force" (EDIT: I had forgotten that there is one. Obliviators. Look them up. Crazy.) that operates in such a way that they are regularly wiping people's memories or whole lives so as to keep a secret. Muggle saw a girl using a broom, wipe her memory. Muggle was brutally murdered by witch. Unsolved murder as far as the muggles are concerned. Theft? Oh well. Any illicit behavior is swept under the rug in some capacity so as to not "cause a public outcry". The magical community can talk about how muggles and wizards are equal, but they are pretty much lying. The non-magical community is at the whims of of the magical community each and every day, and they don't want you to really know it. It's like if the Illuminati were real, but full of incompetent people who don't really understand you or your world.

So, to answer OP's question, think of anything that does happen in real life with one extra caveat: The prime directive is in full effect and we can never truly know it happened. The Ministry of Magic will subvert the law and idea of justice whenever anything bad happens to an average person. Imagine watching a movie where you are watching Aurors going around, seeing all the ways Voldemort and his Death Eaters left a trail of death and destruction in their wake, and intentionally tampering with evidence and crime scenes, obstructing justice, and interfering at every turn so we can never know who did it, or that there is a magical world out there that thinks we can't actually cooperate or be trusted with such power.

And remember that Arthur Weasley was amazed by a turnstile. That most of them are probably incapable of actual problem solving and reasoning above a 5th grader level, since magic makes everything easy.

They know what's best for the non-magical community, guys.

P.S.- I know the movies aren't strictly canon, but watch them and pay attention to how the muggle side of things are presented. Being a muggle is boring, dull, uninteresting, and gray. Colors are muted. Everyone acts the same. That's pretty much how the wizarding world contrasts the muggle world. Quite frankly, a wizard or witch standing up and saying "We need to take control of the muggles. They obviously don't really have any idea what they're doing. We'll uplift them!" should happen about once a year.


It Mirrors Us


In the last book, it's mentioned that many of the first year wizarding students had simply gone missing without explanation, because of the Death Eaters on the loose. These kids are never found. It's pretty frickin dark to imagine the Hogwarts Express getting stopped and boarded, and all the young first year students getting escorted to concentration camps.


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