We all harbor a secret fear that we are, in some way, undateable.
We've been spoon-fed Hollywood ideas of romance for ages, with the idea that our soulmate is out there just waiting for us to find them--but real life isn't a deposit of perfect matches, cut in half, searching for their long lost loves. Real life is a collection of faults, neuroses, insecurities, and contradictions just wanting to make their way in the world.
u/haruki_chan asked:
"What's hard about dating you?"
Here were some of those answers.
Just No Time At All
I've been single for a very long time. I have a ton of time consuming hobbies and my working hours are pretty flexible so they're all over the place.
Sometimes I feel like there isn't enough time in the week for me to do everything I want to do. I also hate going out.
I'm actually pretty intimidated by the idea of giving up so much of my time for a relationship, but I'm also a getting a little bit tired of being alone. It's a catch 22 if you pretend I'd be able to find a relationship if I tried.
Deep Like A Puddle
I'm not a very deep person, and most women I speak to have bachelors and masters and I failed community college. I have a great paying job since I learned a trade, but when it comes to having meaningful or deep conversations I have nothing to offer and they seem to pick up on that and become disinterested. I don't blame them, nor am I angry about it. I'm not one of those who blame other people for my problems, I work very hard to improve myself but it's hard.
Feelings Aren't Threatening
I have a lot of feelings. Sometimes little things make me cry, or laugh hysterically, or scream, and then I want to talk about them.
Or at least, that's what my ex's all said was hard.
No Kids 4 Me
I'm 22 years old and have a vasectomy. I don't want kids and that really scares off a lot of potential dates. I'm also bisexual, and some people are hesitant about that, but being childfree is the bigger issue.
Just Time Off
I'm content with a boring life. I just want to have weekends off and a family. Don't need any frills or exotic vacations. I'm way happier sitting on a porch overlooking a lake than spending thousands of dollars to go to tourist destinations.
Dude same. All these people all over dating apps be like : lOOKing fOR sOmEoNE tO AdVEnTUre wITH. Listen I'm cool to come home from work, eat dinner, watch TV, and go to bed every day. I'm not out here trying to backpack through Malaysia or go skydiving in the Maldives.
I studied abroad for six weeks, and have taken small trips to Mexico but aside from a honeymoon trip I have no interest in travelling. Not even in the US that much. I want to have a good, solid, middle class life with my family. I don't need to bells, whistles, glitter, and rave lighting. I honestly have seen and done enough to be satisfied with my experiences to not feel the need to chase other things.
Not everyone is like that and when I tell them they usually dip. I'm not changing that about myself to make someone happy. Yes, I'd make concessions and compromise here and there, but really not too much if I'm being honest. Which is hard because I'm 25. I'm not in my 30s or 40s so it's a weird stance on life to take compared to the rest of my generation.
Family First
Two things:
- I can bottle things up. I don't like to share burdens, thinking myself strong enough to carry all my own problems in addition to everyone else's.
- I've had girlfriends complain that I will drop everything the moment my family needs help (especially my sister who is a single mom with a 5y/o). I've dropped proms, rescheduled dates and canceled planned hangouts or asked them to hang out while I babysit. At first they find this an admirable quality, but when it comes apparent that it happens quite regularly I can understand how it becomes an annoyance.
It's Gotta Be Right
I'm affectionate, but emotionally unavailable. Also, serious relationships require serious work and sacrifice. Since that's a huge cost to me, I tend not to invest that level into relationships unless it's very, very special.
This Needs Work
I push people away because I'm afraid that they'll see my flaws or have already caught on to my flaws. So I'm afraid that they'll leave me when they see the real me as opposed to the initial impression of me that made them feel comfortable enough to be with me. I'd rather push people away before they have a chance to leave me and hurt me.
When I take a step back, I see how unhealthy this is, but in the moment I just freak out and run.
New Love Languages
I tend to get really annoyed and frustrated if I feel like she's upset about something that I feel is irrational, or if she's expecting me to know how she's feeling or what she's angry about without explicitly telling me. I also tend to come across as more emotionally distant because I don't automatically express my feelings and don't really enjoy much physical affection, but I am working on that
Looking For A Love Substitute
Self-esteem issues. Deep down i'm insecure that I get anxiety when my partner does not message me for a couple of hours, I get jealous easily, I have trust issues that I stalk my partner's social media and even opened it several times, checking on their messages. I have abandonment issues. I cover it up with confidence and pour them with affection which is why I appear overbearing, no respect for boundaries, and controlling.
I am very aware on how wrong this is which is why I'm doing my best to change.
Trying Love Languages
I have several things going against me I think:
Currently, it's the fact that I have home improvement projects planned for my house, and dating cuts into that time. Things take long enough as it is, I can't imagine how much longer it would be if I didn't have the weekend either.
Maybe I'm being too picky but I don't want to date someone who doesn't even have a savings account at this age (I'm mid-30s). I don't want to work until I'm dead, nor do I want to carry my partner in retirement because they'd rather enjoy life now.
I don't want kids. That includes being a step-mom.
I don't do warm and fuzzy. My parents didn't raise me with words of affirmation so the idea of even telling people I care about them makes me uncomfortable. Hearing it from past partners also made me uncomfortable.
Energy Down The Drain
I am an emotional drain. I haven't had a good sense of self in such a long time and I'm not sure what I want out of life. It is hard to build something with someone when you don't know what to build towards.
How Could I Trust Again?
I most likely have abandonment issues as I was cheated on in my first relationship and had very few friends or people who showed interest in me in my life during my early years, and really, still to this day. The two friends I did have moved literally to the other side of the country, also when I was young, and basically dropped off and rarely reached out to me after the fact, which made me feel very unimportant to them or anyone else.
I'm a very independent person too, so I tend to just do sh!t on my own without even thinking that it's okay to even think about asking for assistance.
I'm quite clingy and needy because of this and I tend to read into and overthink situations way further or differently then I should and I put their action in a negative light. I can very easily convince myself that my SO has found someone else to fulfill something in their life and that I'm not needed or wanted and it's usually very small things, which doesn't help at all. I am usually pretty terrified that they will cheat emotionally more than anything and form a deeper connection with someone who isn't me and I will be left alone again.
I'm also a VERY physical person. Not sexually, just affectionate. If I'm within arms reach, I will touch my SO in one way or another. Even just resting a toe on their ankle is enough. Just for my brain to know they're there and real. It's literally an unconscious thing too. I don't even realize it and then my SO laughs sometimes and is like "You just like to touch me huh?" And I'm like "Yeah, I guess I do."
No Sex Drive
I consider myself grey-asexual. I often could really not care a single bit that sex exists. Sometimes going to the point of being borderline sex repulsed. I can and do enjoy sex but not all the time. This also ties over to me not always being overly affectionate and cuddly. (I have two very needy wonderful clingy partners and this tends to f** with them a bit)
No More Smooches
I can't seem to find anyone I even want to kiss. I'll date someone and when they try to kiss me I cringe away or force myself to get it over with. It's like kissing a brother or something. My relationships can't progress cuz I can't even get past that point. I'm not sure if it's because something is wrong with me or if they're all the wrong people.
All by myself
I grew up moving around a lot, which made me a bit solitary and independent. I love having company and people around, and I'm not antisocial, but I never see it necessary to check up on people or to ask my friends or girlfriends to come over. I grew up only ever seeing friends or girls once a week in high school, so girls I date think I don't want to be with them as much as they want to be with me.
Everyone has their travel bucket list.
The list of places they absolutely must visit before they die.
There are those, however, who also have a rather different list of destinations.
The places that have no intention to visit.
Be it for safety concerns, language barriers, or simply that there's nothing at these places that calls to them, there are places some wouldn’t dream of spending the time and money to visit.
Redditor TrooperJohn was curious to hear which places were at the very bottom of the list of travel destinations for his fellow Redditors, leading them to ask:
"What is a popular tourist destination you have no interest in visiting?"
Oasis in the desert? No thank you.
"Dubai."
"Why and whats special about it?"
"Its a modern city in a desert."- Maximum_Calendar_791.
"Dubai."
"A fake city with fake people, no human rights, where the world's tallest buildings hide corruption and slavery in their shadows."
"It's like someone decided to take every problem of mankind and concentrate it in one spot."- PayNoNoticeOfMe.
"Dubai one i think it is ugly two I would die in two minutes of me being there I can't stand anything above 40 c°."- BookWormPerson.
One of the seven wonders is one too many for me.
"The pyramids. "
"Too many horror stories of Egypt."- Aemiom.
Landlocked.
"Not really a destination, but taking a cruise."- Shortbus_Playboy.
Mountains aren't really my thing.
"Everest."
"Just why."
"You use a bunch of money to get in there them come down."
"And trash your whole way there. It's literally a corner in the Earth insufferable for humans and we still made a way to go there to trash it."- ACLullaby.
It's in my own backyard... but still not interested.
"I have lived about 15km away from the Burj Khalifa ever since it was made."
"I could not care any less besides the occasional pointing out the 'shiny tall building' to my nieces.- legolosss.
The pictures are enough for me.
"Mount Rushmore."
"Friends who've made the journey to Mount Rushmore mostly say it was no big deal and not worth the effort or expense to travel there."- Back2Bach.
Hustle and Bustle? No thanks.
"Anything busy.'
"Whether it's cities, structures, I don't care."
"I'd rather go to a boring empty quiet place than a place full of people."- TheSmeep.
They're watching us.
"That creepy a** place in Japan with all the realistic dolls."
"No thank you."
Some dream of paying a visit to these places.
Others hope they never have to set foot there, and will choose to leave it to the other millions of tourists.
To each, their own.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
When it comes to electing a leader, the choice is an easy one if a potential candidate shares the same values as yours.
And while a candidate is fit to lead remains to be seen, we rely on our instinct to choose someone with whom we can relate.
But sometimes, our options are limited and we inevitably go with someone who is the lesser of two evils.
Curious to hear from strangers online about a hypothetical, Redditor Cashmeresquid2309 asked:
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for an openly Atheist presidential candidate? Why or why not?"

Redditors were quick to point out the answer was a no-brainer.
We Already Know The Answer
"Asking Reddit if they'd vote for an atheist..."
"I feel like the answer would be obvious."
– sarahmagoo
Sci-Fi Analogy
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for a Star Wars fan who heckin loves doggos?"
– WitnessChemical
For The Atheists In The Crowd
"Atheists of atheistville, would you vote for an open atheist?"
– nixcamic
Others weighed in with a range of opinions.
About 45
"What's funny is how many of them would probably say no, even though they voted for Trump and would do so again. Say whatever else you want about him, but I seriously can't understand how anyone could genuinely believe Trump is a Christian. He's so obviously faking it and is undoubtedly the most atheistic president we've ever had or are likely to have for a long time."
"This is a guy who's never even so much as read the Bible or attended church, who told a conservative radio host his favorite Bible verse was 'an eye for an eye', who told evangelical interviewers that he's never asked God for forgiveness because he's never done anything wrong, and who routinely commits all 7 deadly sins (pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth) without remorse."
– empfindsamkeit
From A Different Perspective
"Not an american but interestingly according to this survey on 1006 people from 2007, being atheist was the worst thing you could be as a candidate (of the things asked) with only 45 % of people saying they'd vote for one."
– ilovecatfish
An atheist candidate isn't necessarily a big strike.
Double Negative
"I wouldn’t not vote for someone just because they were atheist."
– HabitualEnthusiast
Credibility First
"This is it. If they’re running on platforms I support with a history to back up those campaign promises, I don’t care if they belong to the church of the flying spaghetti monster. They could literally be a member of the satanic temple and I, an actual practicing Christian, would give less shi*s than a constipated sloth."
"Edit: yes, I realize the Satanic Temple does not actually worship satan. I used it for that purpose. The Church of Satan has some…problematic views and I probably would not vote for someone who literally holds a platform of eugenics."
– Phoenix_of_Asclepius
Some view the role of religion in politics as important.
It Depends
"Religion can be relevant: I would have strong reservations about voting for a Scientologist, even if I agreed with the policies they proposed. I would have strong reservations voting for a member of an apocalyptic cult or, possibly worse, a follower of the (highly heretical) 'prosperity gospel,' which unfortunately includes more and more so-called 'evangelicals' — I didn't vote for George W. Bush, but it's not because he was an evangelical."
"It depends on the role: I'd probably be more flexible with a legislator than an executive (mayor, governor, president), as their character is IMO more important than for a legislator and their policy stances somewhat less important relative to a legislator."
"Satanic temple — well, that's just an organized group of atheists and humanists with an intentionally inflammatory choice of name. They're generally fine people."
– alyssasaccount
A Bad Rap
"The Satanic Temple is an excellent organization that every decent person should be able to respect. A Church of Satan member, not so much."
"There's a huge difference between them!"
– StarsEatArtBooks
And Redditor boganvegan said it best.
"Better an open atheist than a fake Christian."
It all boils down to trustworthiness. Without full transparency, how could anyone put their faith in a candidate who spews nothing but lies?
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
Being home alone isn't always the most tranquil thing.
No one is there to help or protect you.
And things that go "bump" in the night... sometimes they do more than bump.
Redditor ag9910 wanted to hear about the times home felt like an unsafe place to be. They asked:
"What is the scariest, strangest, most unexplainable thing that has happened to you while home alone?"
I'm always freaked out when I'm home alone. Lights on. Yeah, my electric bill is high.
Dorothy?
"I dreamed the front door blew open at the exact time the house alarm went off... I hopped up and sure enough, the front door was open. No intruder."
fatowl
I See You
"Not home alone but only one in right side of the house. Went to my mom's bathroom to wash my hands and saw a pair of feet behind the half open door. Laughed and said 'very funny Ma, I see you.' then finished up and left. Bumped into my mother in the kitchen unpacking, nobody else was in the house. I'm glad whatever was behind the door didn't peek out."
SatanWithFur
“It’s Doug!”
"One night I had forgotten to lock my apartment door and woke up in the middle of the night. My bedroom door was about 2 feet from my front door, as you walked into the apartment. First a big dog ran by, then a person. Holy crap I was so scared and I screeched 'Who is it?!?!!'"
"A man said 'It’s Doug!' As I was thinking to myself, who the f**k is Doug, he said 'oh, crap.' He turned around to go back out the front door saying 'Sorry.' I asked 'Didn’t you have a dog with you?' He said 'Oh, yeah. Hey, c’mon!.' He left, his dog ran out after him and I locked my front door."
"Edit: glad you all thought this was funny, because I did too, once my heart quit trying to beat right out of my chest! The next day the girls at work thought I was crazy for not being upset, but eh, done is done. Peace!"
scarletohairy
Confused...
"My sister and I were home alone and we heard someone big running up the stairs. The stairs make lots of noise with slight pressure so when there’s someone big on them you can tell. I went out of my room to check but saw no one anywhere and my sister also came out of her room and she asked if that was me I said no and we both looked around to see if there was anyone but found no one in the whole house. We were confused and called our parents and just waited until they got back and that was that."
JtSudbury04
I See You
"I very clearly saw a guy walk into my room. But when I went after him there was nobody there. I checked in the closet, under my bed, everywhere one could hide in my room."
HighlyOffensive10
This is why home video surveillance is key.
"NO"
"My parents were on a road trip, just left, and I sat down at my desk. I thought 'Weekend alone by myself' and a voice yelled into my right ear 'NO' so loud it hurt."
Th4ab
Wild
"I managed to lock myself out of my house on my birthday during a tornado while trying to bring my cats to the basement for safety. I later found out that the tornado was approximately a couple miles or less from me at that exact time. The sky was green and it got weirdly calm and then I could hear what sounded like a train coming before I found an unlocked window to climb through. Wild times."
SilverGnarwhal
Saturday morning in the 80s...
"I wasn't home alone but I was awake by myself one Saturday morning in the 80s when I was around 7 or so. I believe my mom was the only one home because my dad went to the lake to go fishing that weekend, and I'm not sure where my older brothers were, maybe they went with him, idk."
"Anyways, my mom's sleeping in, and I'm in the living room by myself, watching Saturday morning cartoons and making a fort out of sheets and cushions. Something made me turn around and I saw my dad in his pajamas standing in the hallway entrance with his hands on his hips, looking the mess I was making and shaking his head."
"He then turned around and walked into my room, which was just off the hallway entrance. Dude. I didn't even look, I just booked it to my parents room and woke my mom up. I don't remember what happened after that, this was around 35 years ago. And yes, my dad was fine, nothing had happened to him."
smriversong
Get the Bat...
"I was at home by myself on a call with some friends when all of a sudden my dog begins to bark like crazy, which was odd since it was the middle of the night and he's usually sleep. I go downstairs to check on him and find him barking at our hall closet, terrified I grabbed my bat that I keep in my room just in case and open the door. There was nothing out of usual at first at then I look down and notice a familiar looking object at the bottom of the closet."
"It was my mom's necklace she had lost when I was 9, (i'm 15 now just to put in perspective how long it's been). I showed it to my mom at breakfast and she was just as shocked as I was. I still have no clue how it got there or how my dog knew it was in there, definitely one of the oddest occurrences of my life."
SomeRandomIdiot14
Meow
"Many years ago, I was 14 or so, my first night alone in the house when my parents were out. Lying on the living room floor reading, my cat sleeping next to me."
"Suddenly, cat wakes up, stares intently into the dark corner of the room behind me, hair on end, growls and then bolts out of the room and upstairs. I look behind me and see nothing, but follow cat upstairs and hide under the covers. Freaked me out."
LairdofWingHaven
Thank God for alarms. I hate being home alone.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
The human body is still such a mystery.
How much do we really know?
Not a lot apparently. We're learning more all the time.
And most of it is gross.
Redditor BathNo7713 wanted to discuss the ick factor of anatomy. So they asked:
"What is the most disturbing fact about the human body?"
The body freaks me out. But it's all I've got. So teach me some things.
Minutes...
"The fastest killing virus takes around 4 days to kill you. That would be Ebola. Your immune system can kill you in 15 minutes."
will477
'locked-in'
"If your brainstem (the part of the brain that mediates most motor control for all of the body) is damaged, you can get 'locked-in' syndrome. That means you're fully conscious and aware of your surroundings but unable to move or speak. The only muscles that remain unaffected in most people are the muscles that move they eyes and the eyelids."
"You're essentially trapped within your own body with your only way of communication being blinking or moving your eyes It can be caused by toxins, blockage of the basilar artery which is the main artery of the brainstem, or other brainstem damage."
4oodler
Explosions
"Some people suffer from Exploding Head Syndrome, which causes them to hear a loud bang when they wake up."
ToraMix19
"When I was younger I believe I experienced this a few times. Sounds I heard were: about a million people talking and laughing all at once, a train that irl would've been about a foot away from me based on the volume of the sound, and a door slamming loudly."
aliaisacreature
Pain
"Not sure if this is by design, but I totaled my car once, almost completely uninjured somehow. Then I looked down to my right hand which I remember jabbing into my dashboard at 55mph. Luckily (unluckily?) only my pinky took the blow. But instead of a floppy-udder full of bone-sand, my pinky was 0.5 inches long."
"Broke no bones, but instead perfectly stacked my phalanges, or finger bones, INTO my hand. This is fixed by a muscular Russian murse grabbing your pinky with both hands and pulling very hard. God I wish they gave me more lidocaine."
TelevisionOlympics
Functions
"If you have a surgery where they need to move your organs around they might not function for a day as the body assumes that they are dead."
tonythebutcher13
Move things around? You mean that's not fake when it happens on "Grey's Anatomy?"
"The only reason you are not aware of it is because the ambient noise kind of drowns it out because your ears focus on it. If you go to one of those super-silent rooms that absorb all sorts of sounds, it is a really weird way to reacquaint yourself with your body."
Black_Handkerchief
The Mouth
"Idk about the most disturbing but how bad human teeth are. We’d think it’s our sugary and processed diets these days that cause it, but even Otzi the iceman discovered in Italy was found to have terrible teeth, mouth diseases and cavities. It’s odd that even with the most basic of diets our teeth are so bad."
Dorianisconfused
In the bowels...
"I noticed this after my abdominal surgery. When I turned over in bed my guts seemed to fall from one side to the other. Mentioned to my doc and she confirmed it was my bowels rearranging themselves."
squatter_
"Apparently the doctor just throws your intestines back in there higgeldy-piggeldy because there isn't a correct way to pack them neatly."
LostDesigner9
A Quick Burst
"There are a vast number of ways that your body can malfunction and kill you with little or no warning. An aneurysm can go undetected until it bursts and kills you. Getting hit in the chest just the right way can stop your heart. You can encounter an allergen that never previously provoked an immune response that freaks out your body so badly that you die. You literally just never know if your body will just... die."
Unsolicited_Spiders
The body is such a conundrum. Sexy and gross all at once.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.