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People Share The Hardest Thing About Dating Them

People Share The Hardest Thing About Dating Them
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

We all harbor a secret fear that we are, in some way, undateable.

We've been spoon-fed Hollywood ideas of romance for ages, with the idea that our soulmate is out there just waiting for us to find them--but real life isn't a deposit of perfect matches, cut in half, searching for their long lost loves. Real life is a collection of faults, neuroses, insecurities, and contradictions just wanting to make their way in the world.


u/haruki_chan asked:

"What's hard about dating you?"

Here were some of those answers.

Just No Time At All

I've been single for a very long time. I have a ton of time consuming hobbies and my working hours are pretty flexible so they're all over the place.

Sometimes I feel like there isn't enough time in the week for me to do everything I want to do. I also hate going out.

I'm actually pretty intimidated by the idea of giving up so much of my time for a relationship, but I'm also a getting a little bit tired of being alone. It's a catch 22 if you pretend I'd be able to find a relationship if I tried.

Sipredion

Deep Like A Puddle

I'm not a very deep person, and most women I speak to have bachelors and masters and I failed community college. I have a great paying job since I learned a trade, but when it comes to having meaningful or deep conversations I have nothing to offer and they seem to pick up on that and become disinterested. I don't blame them, nor am I angry about it. I'm not one of those who blame other people for my problems, I work very hard to improve myself but it's hard.

Sting24

Feelings Aren't Threatening

I have a lot of feelings. Sometimes little things make me cry, or laugh hysterically, or scream, and then I want to talk about them.

Or at least, that's what my ex's all said was hard.

beehoneybee

No Kids 4 Me

I'm 22 years old and have a vasectomy. I don't want kids and that really scares off a lot of potential dates. I'm also bisexual, and some people are hesitant about that, but being childfree is the bigger issue.

UsernameTaken_-_

Just Time Off

I'm content with a boring life. I just want to have weekends off and a family. Don't need any frills or exotic vacations. I'm way happier sitting on a porch overlooking a lake than spending thousands of dollars to go to tourist destinations.

PhilipLiptonSchrute

Dude same. All these people all over dating apps be like : lOOKing fOR sOmEoNE tO AdVEnTUre wITH. Listen I'm cool to come home from work, eat dinner, watch TV, and go to bed every day. I'm not out here trying to backpack through Malaysia or go skydiving in the Maldives.


I studied abroad for six weeks, and have taken small trips to Mexico but aside from a honeymoon trip I have no interest in travelling. Not even in the US that much. I want to have a good, solid, middle class life with my family. I don't need to bells, whistles, glitter, and rave lighting. I honestly have seen and done enough to be satisfied with my experiences to not feel the need to chase other things.

Not everyone is like that and when I tell them they usually dip. I'm not changing that about myself to make someone happy. Yes, I'd make concessions and compromise here and there, but really not too much if I'm being honest. Which is hard because I'm 25. I'm not in my 30s or 40s so it's a weird stance on life to take compared to the rest of my generation.

lilmidjumper

Family First

Two things:

  1. I can bottle things up. I don't like to share burdens, thinking myself strong enough to carry all my own problems in addition to everyone else's.
  2. I've had girlfriends complain that I will drop everything the moment my family needs help (especially my sister who is a single mom with a 5y/o). I've dropped proms, rescheduled dates and canceled planned hangouts or asked them to hang out while I babysit. At first they find this an admirable quality, but when it comes apparent that it happens quite regularly I can understand how it becomes an annoyance.

It's Gotta Be Right

I'm affectionate, but emotionally unavailable. Also, serious relationships require serious work and sacrifice. Since that's a huge cost to me, I tend not to invest that level into relationships unless it's very, very special.

im_alliterate

This Needs Work

I push people away because I'm afraid that they'll see my flaws or have already caught on to my flaws. So I'm afraid that they'll leave me when they see the real me as opposed to the initial impression of me that made them feel comfortable enough to be with me. I'd rather push people away before they have a chance to leave me and hurt me.

When I take a step back, I see how unhealthy this is, but in the moment I just freak out and run.

sideshowdobby

New Love Languages

I tend to get really annoyed and frustrated if I feel like she's upset about something that I feel is irrational, or if she's expecting me to know how she's feeling or what she's angry about without explicitly telling me. I also tend to come across as more emotionally distant because I don't automatically express my feelings and don't really enjoy much physical affection, but I am working on that

t-lymphocyte

Looking For A Love Substitute

Self-esteem issues. Deep down i'm insecure that I get anxiety when my partner does not message me for a couple of hours, I get jealous easily, I have trust issues that I stalk my partner's social media and even opened it several times, checking on their messages. I have abandonment issues. I cover it up with confidence and pour them with affection which is why I appear overbearing, no respect for boundaries, and controlling.

I am very aware on how wrong this is which is why I'm doing my best to change.

Daydilia

Trying Love Languages

I have several things going against me I think:

Currently, it's the fact that I have home improvement projects planned for my house, and dating cuts into that time. Things take long enough as it is, I can't imagine how much longer it would be if I didn't have the weekend either.

Maybe I'm being too picky but I don't want to date someone who doesn't even have a savings account at this age (I'm mid-30s). I don't want to work until I'm dead, nor do I want to carry my partner in retirement because they'd rather enjoy life now.

I don't want kids. That includes being a step-mom.

I don't do warm and fuzzy. My parents didn't raise me with words of affirmation so the idea of even telling people I care about them makes me uncomfortable. Hearing it from past partners also made me uncomfortable.

coffeejunki

Energy Down The Drain

I am an emotional drain. I haven't had a good sense of self in such a long time and I'm not sure what I want out of life. It is hard to build something with someone when you don't know what to build towards.

Isdsfw

How Could I Trust Again?

I most likely have abandonment issues as I was cheated on in my first relationship and had very few friends or people who showed interest in me in my life during my early years, and really, still to this day. The two friends I did have moved literally to the other side of the country, also when I was young, and basically dropped off and rarely reached out to me after the fact, which made me feel very unimportant to them or anyone else.

I'm a very independent person too, so I tend to just do sh!t on my own without even thinking that it's okay to even think about asking for assistance.


I'm quite clingy and needy because of this and I tend to read into and overthink situations way further or differently then I should and I put their action in a negative light. I can very easily convince myself that my SO has found someone else to fulfill something in their life and that I'm not needed or wanted and it's usually very small things, which doesn't help at all. I am usually pretty terrified that they will cheat emotionally more than anything and form a deeper connection with someone who isn't me and I will be left alone again.

I'm also a VERY physical person. Not sexually, just affectionate. If I'm within arms reach, I will touch my SO in one way or another. Even just resting a toe on their ankle is enough. Just for my brain to know they're there and real. It's literally an unconscious thing too. I don't even realize it and then my SO laughs sometimes and is like "You just like to touch me huh?" And I'm like "Yeah, I guess I do."

docpurple5891

No Sex Drive

I consider myself grey-asexual. I often could really not care a single bit that sex exists. Sometimes going to the point of being borderline sex repulsed. I can and do enjoy sex but not all the time. This also ties over to me not always being overly affectionate and cuddly. (I have two very needy wonderful clingy partners and this tends to f** with them a bit)

shadowingsong

No More Smooches

I can't seem to find anyone I even want to kiss. I'll date someone and when they try to kiss me I cringe away or force myself to get it over with. It's like kissing a brother or something. My relationships can't progress cuz I can't even get past that point. I'm not sure if it's because something is wrong with me or if they're all the wrong people.

Pinktoonie

All by myself

I grew up moving around a lot, which made me a bit solitary and independent. I love having company and people around, and I'm not antisocial, but I never see it necessary to check up on people or to ask my friends or girlfriends to come over. I grew up only ever seeing friends or girls once a week in high school, so girls I date think I don't want to be with them as much as they want to be with me.

theonlybowman

People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley

Remember

"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt

Imagination

"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."

RedditbOiiiiiiiiii

"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."

monobarreller

Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."

– GTFOakaFOD

"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip

Yikes!

"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User

"Oh."

– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"

Sensations

Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."

PeachesnPain

Recovery

"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."

good_golly99

Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."

rayrayrayray

Free

The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."

TooReDTooHigh

This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.

Shocked

Giphy

"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."

Admirable_Buyer6528

The SOB

"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”

1-cupcake-at-a-time

Colors

"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"

Hannah_LL7

"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"

huntokarrr

The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."

Fluffy-Hotel-5184

Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."

Hot-Refrigerator6583

Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.

Shopping

"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.