Hairdressers Reveal The Useless Things Their Customers Say To Them
[rebelmouse-image 18350584 is_animated_gif=For some, getting your hair cut can be a stressful endeavor. You only have a matter of moments after they call your name to scramble and remember every hairstyle you've ever seen, what you like, blend them all together, only to say, "Uh...shorter?" to your hairdresser. You sit in the chair for twenty minutes and walk away sadder than ever. So, thankfully, the internet exists to open up dialogues between hair stylists and clients. Reddit user, r/MrVinceyVince, asked on Reddit:
Barbers/Hairdressers of Reddit: how exactly do you want customers to communicate what they want to you? What do they say/do that is unhelpful?
Tip Your Stylist
[rebelmouse-image 18350585 is_animated_gif=now if you really love having your hair washed and want it to last 5 minutes (oh god, please) how do you ask for that without sounding like a creep?
This. Remember to tip the person washing your hair. They remember when you come in and do an extra good job.
If my clients mention they have had a rough day or week I'll spend extra time shampooing. Also just ask if they have time for a longer shampoo. We all know that's the best part of getting your hair done.
"Really? You Sure?"
[rebelmouse-image 18350587 is_animated_gif=After a really good haircut, I asked the barber what I should ask for next time. She said, "Number 4".
So I go in to the same shop a couple months later (hair's pretty long at this point), get a different stylist, and she asks me what I want. "Number 4," I say.
"All over?" she asks.
"Of course!" I reply.
"Really? You sure?"
"Yeah!"
"Ok," she says... and runs the clippers straight down the middle of my head, from front to back.
That's when I realized that a "Number 4" was a clipper size - and not a style of haircut off a menu.
You're doing important work here, OP!
If someone cutting my hair asks 'You sure?', I would cease being sure. :)
At that point there would be a chat to make sure we're on the same page, and if we didn't get there I'd probably walk.
Cut Them Loose
[rebelmouse-image 18350588 is_animated_gif=Related question: How do I say "I don't trust myself to make decisions about what will make my potato-face look good, can I just leave that to your experimentation?"
In my experience if you go into a decent salon and give them free reign it always comes out well.
You sometimes have to convince them that you really will be happy with whatever they do but they are usually excited at having the artistic freedom. Sometimes they consult a coworker. I've never had one seem at all bothered by this.
I tell them something like "I don't want any particular style i just want to look nice, you're a pro and I'm sure you know much better than me what to do with this mess".
I have never received a bad haircut with this method at a salon. Can't say I recommend it at a barber though they do not seem very interested in this in my experience.
A couple of times I got some bold styles that I was unsure of at first but each time I got compliments so I stopped worrying. You usually will have to learn to use some products with this method though, be warned.
Ask Them To Repeat
[rebelmouse-image 18350589 is_animated_gif=You need to go to a higher end salon or hair stylist place for that, even though it will definitely be expensive. Your traditional corner barbershop or SuperCuts isn't for creating a whole new look. Nicer salons have people that can work with no instruction from you, or even help suss out of you preferences you didn't know you had. If you like what they do, ask them to explain all of it so that you can repeat it next time.
Should've Gone With Harry Styles...
[rebelmouse-image 18350590 is_animated_gif=Hairstylist who works primarily on men's hair here.
As everyone has said, photos are always good. But I'm not a magician. I had a little white blonde kid get mad at me once because he brought in a picture of Zayn Malik, in an easy undercut, so I did the cut exactly like the photo and the kid got pissy because, even though the haircut was exactly the same, he "didn't look like Zayn". Direct quote.
Also keep in mind that any picture you bring in that is not of yourself will almost certainly require styling, so you should be prepared for that. If you don't want to use any product, it won't look like the picture, but we can discuss an alternative compromise.
Be Okay With What You Ask
[rebelmouse-image 18350591 is_animated_gif=My boyfriend (doesn't use reddit) does hair at a high end salon. Every day he has stories of women who ask for one thing, which he delivers precisely, and then they dislike it.
For instance, the other day, a woman wanted her bangs just above her eyebrows. He had them barely touching the top of her eyebrows so that he didn't take too much off. Her bangs even matched the picture she brought in.
Despite this, she claimed that he cut them too high.
Most of the other problems stem from people bringing in a picture and saying "make me look like this." Except: it turns out that if you have a fat head and that model you brought in a picture of has a skinny head (or any other head differences), that same haircut will look WILDLY different on you. People do not understand this (I used to do the same thing before we got together).
Can You Elaborate, Please?
[rebelmouse-image 18350592 is_animated_gif=As a barber who's made many mistakes by assuming what people want I now ask a lot of questions. Some people are awkward and don't like to talk but I don't care. I carefully and respectfully ask them questions to figure out what they want. Most men aren't picky. Some men are. Some have no idea what they want. Its my job to guide them in the right direction. I cut a lot of walk in customers and have narrowed down the questions to just a few. Here's an example of how it usually goes.
Barber: So what are we doing for you today?
Client: Uhh just a trim please.
Barber: Okay. Would you like clippers on the sides and back or do you prefer scissors only?
Client: I'm not sure actually.
Barber: Okay. Do you want the hair off of your ear or touching your ear?
Client: I like it off my ears please.
Barber: Okay. How often do you get your haircut? (I ask this because it gives me an idea of how often they get it cut and how short I can take it without them freaking out)
Client: Usually around once a month.
Barber: Okay. I see you like to keep it short on the sides and longer up top. If I use the clippers do you want to see skin on the sides and back? Or do you prefer it longer?
Client: No skin please. A little longer than that.
Barber: Okay you got it. (Now I know that I can use a number 2 or 3 on the sides and back and it'll be just the right length for them. Also, since the client didn't know what he wanted initially I know I don't have to do anything fancy like a skin fade or anything too "modern" since it was never mentioned and there was no picture.
Limit The Amount Of Pictures
[rebelmouse-image 18350593 is_animated_gif=Pictures help, but don't bring in a thousand. We're trained and experienced to spot subtle differences--what looks like the same haircut in different angles to you across ten pictures looks like ten drastically different haircuts to us.
I recently had someone come in with a picture of a girl who was clearly rocking a short haircut with extensions, and ask for similar layers, except she didn't realize she was showing a picture of extensions and that in order to get that same look, she'd basically walk out with scene kid layers--which of course she didn't want.
So pictures are very helpful. But limit yourself to three, and rank them in order of most favorite to least favorite.
Don't Feel Like Chatting Today?
[rebelmouse-image 18350594 is_animated_gif=My hairdresser SO wants to start a salon where people pick their own capes. Blue cape means you want to converse with her. Red cape means you prefer not to make small talk during your cut. I think it's genius.
Keep It Down To Earth
[rebelmouse-image 18350595 is_animated_gif=As a hairdresser I like my clients to be realistic. Please don't come in looking like Mama June, show me a photo of Kim Kardashian and hoping to come out looking like Kate Moss. Come in with an idea of what you would like, how much you are willing to pay and ask questions about upkeep and maintenance. Ask your hairdresser what they think will suit your hair type, skin tone and face shape.
Be forthright and set boundaries on length/fringes etc. Don't be afraid to cut (see what I did there?!) in and ask questions and raise concerns during consultation and the treatment.
Don't Be Afraid To Say They Messed Up
[rebelmouse-image 18350596 is_animated_gif=I've always had good luck with explaining my lifestyle/level of commitment to maintaining my hair, a general length I want it, and going from there. Usually if I say something like "Ok, I work a manual labor job so it has to stay long enough to go in a ponytail or bun, and I generally don't take the time to do much more with it. I think I'd like the ends trimmed and some longer layers please."
Side note: the last haircut I got, I think the hairdresser slipped or something and cut a random section on the side of my head down to like 4inches (my hair is down to my waist). So now there is a weird patch that has to be pinned back because it won't reach my bun. Should I have brought this up with her? It's not like anything could be done to fix it once it is cut off :/
Yes absolutely. This is our livelihood and most educated and successful hair dressers would like to know if They f---ed up. That's how we learn and get better. Now I have been doing hair long enough to know if I made a mistake that drastic., There's a good chance the person cutting your hair realized what they did and tried to pretend like it didn't happen. Which is extremely annoying. Sorry that happened to you.
Taper Your Expectations
[rebelmouse-image 18350597 is_animated_gif=I'm not a hairdresser, by a daughter of one that hears all her complaints when she's done with work...
- DONT LIE about your hair history. A professional can see right through your lies. If you DIY, don't deny it. Colours don't just appear like they do on paper. Colour undertones are everything.
- Don't expect to get the exact colour you want, or even worst - expecting it to be done all in one day. Unless you want to damage your hair and sit here for 12 hours - you're going to have to do it in steps.
Here! Educate Yourself!
[rebelmouse-image 18350598 is_animated_gif=Also I get really uncomfortable when the barber asks me what shampoo and conditioner I use. I answer and they gave me a very disapproving look and say how bad the texture of my hair is. I get insulted each time I sit on the chair :(
I really have good thick hair. :(
Some of it is education. All stylists know Tresemme and Pantene are horrible for your hair but may not know why. They are made with petrochemicals, have silicones and waxes in them that build up on the hair (you can actually scrape this shit off with the edge of your shears it's disgusting) which in turn cause breakage, and dryness. Some places do try to sell you things, but some just want your hair to feel and look great, and good shampoo and conditioner is the MOST important step to getting healthy scalp and hair.
Do Whatever You Want
[rebelmouse-image 18350600 is_animated_gif=I've been a hair stylists for 13 years...
...If you are not sure what you want, have an idea of what you currently like and don't like about your hair, especially if you are a new client. Saying " Do whatever you want, " can be very stressful when you're a new client as we don't know anything about you. I may think a really short hair cut would look great but you may still want to be able to put your hair in a pony tail. Tell us that!!!! I tend to ask a lot of questions about your daily routine, your job, your activity level, how often you're willing to maintain your colour or cut, etc... Please answer those questions honestly. It really helps me create a look that will not only look fantastic but will be comfortable for you to recreate at home. If I give you a cut and style that requires 30 minutes of blow drying every day and you're not willing or able to put that time in, you will not love your hair and you'll hate me, and probably review me poorly.
If you have any areas you are self conscious about ( ears, forehead, chin, etc... ) tell me. Please. A good hairdresser won't judge and won't think poorly of you. We just need to know.
I Can't Give You Brad Pitt's Face
[rebelmouse-image 18350601 is_animated_gif=Have an idea of what you want. Any good barber will ask questions and explain to you any problems you may have if your hair won't work well with the cut you want. Don't be afraid to communicate. In this day and age pictures are great and easy to start from. Unhelpful "just cut it" or showing me five pictures of Brad Pitt all with different hairstyles and saying " my wife wants this" That's great champ but I just work with hair I can't give you Brad Pitts face.
People Who've Survived A Home Invasion Share Their Experiences
Reddit user ahmedatrees2003 asked: 'People who were in a real home invasion situation, what was it like and what did you do?'
There is little people fear more than their home being broken into.
Particularly when they're inside it.
Unlikely as the prospect sounds, there are a staggering 1.65 million home invasions in the US per year.
And in many of those cases, people were unlucky enough to have been home when these invasions took place.
Those who lived to tell the tale, however, might consider themselves lucky.
"People who were in a real home invasion situation, what was it like and what did you do?"
He Didn't Know Who He Was Dealing With...
Dude came knocking on the front door and my mom and I ignored it."
"I was about 10 and my mom didn’t want to answer the door to a stranger."
"He knocked a while then went around the back and hopped the gate to try the back door."
"My mom got her gun and opened the back door with it visible, right before he tried to smash the glass."
"He took off running and was arrested on B&E charges the next day after he broke into someone else’s apartment and couldn’t run."- SilverSunrises
It's Always Lunch Money That Gets Stolen First...
"Was in 7th grade home alone after a half day when suddenly there was very hard knocking on my back door."
"I knew immediately something was off because we never have visitors and my father did not knock like that, and froze up in my room."
"I peak out of my room (right in front of back door) and suddenly it's quiet so I go back to my room."
"AS SOON as I close my door I hear glass shatter."
"Turned off my computer and TV and dove under my bed."
"For the next 40 minutes I hear him thrashing around my living room and parents room, then hear them leave."
"During this I'm on call with the cops who think I'm PRANK CALLING THEM and take 70 minutes to finally come over."
"The station is 3 streets away from my house."
"They come and investigate only to find out it was our next door neighbor that broke in and was actually looking for drug money, as it turns out the previous person to live here did at-home haircuts and sold weed on the side."
"The neighbor was arrested and his family moved out a week later."
"THE ONLY THING THIS GUY TOOK WAS MY LUNCH MONEY I LEFT ON A COUNTER OUTSIDE FOR THE NEXT DAY."- level 1Ogletreb
whatever you say bully GIFGiphyThey Actually Apoligized...
"Four guys knocked on my buddies door at 11pm."
"He lived with a bunch of other guys so this wasn’t anything new."
"They burst in and held a gun to his neck and demanded the drugs."
"He stammered that there weren’t any drugs but they could take what they wanted."
"One guy held him there with the gun as the others searched the house."
"Since they didn’t find anything they realized they had the wrong house and left."
"As they were leaving the last guy said ‘sorry, this wasn’t my idea'."- discostud1515
A Gun Needs No Explanation
"My in-laws were home when a young guy broke into their house."
"They don’t speak English very well so my FIL, in the clearest English he could muster loudly said, 'Get me my gun!''
"At that point the intruder left in a hurry."- TheManInTheShack
Could Have Used The Teethmarks As Evidence...
"I was at my friend’s place when it happened to him."
"We were both teenagers then."
"The guy thought everyone was sleeping and he got startled when he saw us, he bit my friend (his arm required stitches from the bite) and ran away."
"No idea who the guy was or what he wanted, never happened again and we never saw the guy again."- Melancholic84·
He Should Have Chosen Which House More Carefully...
"Tackled the guy."
"The hardest I’ve ever hit someone, and I’m a pretty big guy with a football background."
"But he didn’t see me coming."
"It felt very much like a do or die moment so I didn’t hold anything back."
"Broke a few of his bones, messed up his face, and got him sentenced to 6 years."- The_SunDancer
Still Had To Replace That TV...
"Not me, but my aunt."
"She was at home alone in her backyard making food, and when she walked into the living room, she saw a couple of men in the middle of carrying out the tv."
"It seems that they didn’t think anyone was at home; they got surprised, dropped the tv, and ran out after she started screaming."- RitaSaluki
Feline Intuition
"I was in bed asleep at 7am when I heard a loud bang."
"I thought nothing of it because of the large cat tree I have downstairs that's always getting knocked over, so I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep."
"Not long after my elderly cat comes running into my bedroom, jumps up on the bed and tries to hide under the blankets."
"This immediately woke me up because that old fat cat hadn't ran nor jumped on our bed for years."
"As I came two I see two men coming up my stairs."
"At that point it felt like time stopped and somehow ran incredibly fast at the same time."
"I jumped out of bed and started screaming 'GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY HOUSE!' and I remembered thinking while chasing these guys through my house and screaming again and again at the top of my lungs that my voice sounds exactly like my brother and I wondered how strange that was.""I tackled one of them on my front lawn, but he struggled free and got away."
"I saw the get away car and tried to keep repeating the license number, but it faded away in my mind as I was repeating it."
'I remember vividly being so mad at myself that I couldn't remember 7 numbers, and how stupid I was for not grabbing my phone! "
"Looking back on the situation there are so many things that happened that I never noticed, like how I fractured my arm slamming into the wall at the bottom of my stairs, and that I cut my feet up on the splintered wood of my front door."
"The adrenaline rush of a true fight or flight situation is something so strange it's almost impossible to accurately describe."
"The sense of time, not being aware of pain and injuries for hours, and the hyper focus on some details but the complete loss of others."
"Luckily I wasn't seriously hurt and nothing was stolen, but I installed cameras all over my house the very next day."- robot_boat_loan
camera surveillance GIF by MOST EXPENSIVESTGiphySometimes Size Does Matter...
"Girlfriend and I were sleeping in bed, some dummy broke into our apartment, ran real quick when he saw how big my naked a** was."- Croceyes2
FIVE DAYS?!?!
"Blocked the doors when it became clear that someone was trying to break in."
"My husband and I were staying with a friend and her husband; her step son and elderly mother in law were also in the house."
"Someone had heard the old lady had jewelry and decided to try their luck."
"We heard this later through the town grapevine."
"Said person then escalated to trying to kick his way in through the windows (they were leaded)."
"My husband called the police while my friend tried to keep the gap and child calm and her husband and I screamed a lot and sort of flailed at the protruding feet with pokers from the old fireplace."
"On realizing there were more of us than there were of him, he ran off."
"Good thing too; the police never showed."
"They called 5 days later to see 'if we still needed their assistance'."
"Bloody useless."
"In comparison 6 months later I arrived at work to discover the door and cash drawer had been jimmied and the £50 float nicked and they were over and taking fingerprints inside the hour."
"I wonder why trust in the police is so low."
"Total mystery."- Haunting-blade
It's a hard call to decide which is worse, being in the house while it's being burgled, and potentially saving your valuables, or being out and losing them.
Either way, it's a terrible situation no one deserves to be in.
Making the notion of buying a security system and bolts for your doors seem better with every passing second.
There are very few people who haven't found themselves frustrated with their parents at one point in their life.
Whether it be for something they said, did or didn't say or do, sometimes we've found ourselves needing to vent to a friend, or scream into a pillow to let out our frustrations.
For most people, this anger is short-lived, as deep down they still love their parents and will always find a way to forgive them.
Some people, however, have a harder time forgiving their parents for certain actions, and even take the drastic step of cutting them out of their lives entirely.
"What did *that* parent do that ended your relationship with them?"
Lies and Theft.
"My mother often said, 'your sorry daddy never cared enough about you to pay child support', but I found out later, he had money order receipts."
"He was a career Navy man so he'd have been forced to pay."
"She stole two of my paychecks when I was a single mother, signing them over to herself in her sweeping left handwriting, I'm right-handed."
"The final thing that made her my EX-mom was when she let two drug addicted so-called caregivers steal liquid morphine which was meant for her dying fourth husband."
"He died in miserable pain at home without relief."
"She disowned my adult sister, who confronted her about it."
"Mom always said, 'I can stand anything except a liar or a thief', but she was both."- Grattytood
Ignorance And Abuse
"A few years later she got cancer, I let her back into my life, I invited her to my wedding, where she spent the entire day talking about how it was a shame I couldn’t lose more weight in time and insulting every aspect of the wedding quietly to my now-MIL who had helped with everything."
"I sat her down a few days later (she was staying at my house as the wedding was far from her home) and asked for the comments about my weight to stop."
"I used all the language I learned in therapy, explaining how it made me feel, trying to not be accusatory but instead cooperative."
"She started scream crying and ran out of the room."
"I left to stay with my in laws."
"I haven’t seen her since."
"She won’t be meeting the baby I’m pregnant with and when she dies, I won’t be attending the funeral."- jonathantavares
Health And Safety At Risk
"Well the last straw was when my father convinced my grandparents to get me kicked out of their house while I was finishing up university by telling them that the hookah I was partaking in every few weeks was an illegal drug."
"During finals which was pretty fun."
"Oh and the part where he told me he hoped I died by getting in a motorcycle crash."
"Followed by weeks of incessant voice-mails of him drunkenly threatening me wanting to meet up for a fight."
"There was also that time he beat the sh*t out of me when I stood up for my mom during one of his drunken rages at a camping trip."
"Oh and who can forget that one time he left me a voice-mail telling me 'this is your fault' and then shooting his gun into the air making it seem he had just offed himself."
"But it was just a manipulation tactic."
"That was a fun one."
"Nothing like some childhood trauma to make someone grow up quickly."
"For anyone wondering, yes, I did use this as a role model of what not to be as I got older.'
"I haven't spoken with pretty much any of my family except my mother for the last decade."
"I'm in a loving relationship now getting married this year and do not plan on having any children."
"My dad's last name dies with me."- Walkman1080i
Actions Have Consequences
"Dad left us when I was super young, like 2."
"Mom remarried (another abusive a**hole) and dad would come around sporadically."
"When I was 12 I saw him once then he left and didn’t see him again for decades."
"About 13 years ago I stumbled upon him in the state prison system database across the country, made contact, he seemed to be changed."
"He was old, previously meth addicted, lots of chronic health sh*t."
"I bought him a prepaid cell to keep in touch."
"He went back to the streets but stayed clean."
"Eventually moved in with some random long lost family member."
"We kept in touch by phone, I helped him get some of his health sh*t figured out."
"We were cordial."
"I got pregnant unexpectedly, it was in the 5 year plan but not the right now plan but whatever, here we are, no reason not to do this thing other than lack of mental preparedness."
"So. I go through this pregnancy, it was horrible in every way, physically uncomfortable, illness, bed rest, all the sh*t."
"He called me one day and told me he was going to go to the beach to celebrate his 20 year anniversary of moving to the coast."
"He’d never let himself enjoy the beach before and today was that day."
"What I heard was that he was going to the beach to celebrate the 20 year anniversary of abandoning his child, me."
"And I had these kids in my belly that I sometimes didn’t want, didn’t plan for, but would’ve murdered for and I didn’t even know who they were, didn’t know if they were boys or girls, no names, no personalities, just feet in my ribs and pelvis constantly, and yet I would have died for them."
"And this motherf*cker is celebrating the day he left me.'
"I never called him again, my kids are almost 10."
"He’s called me plenty, I don’t answer."
"I reply in text at times, briefly."
"I’ve sent Christmas cards to the family member he stays with and to him with pictures and I’ve politely explained the above and he just doesn’t get it."- tobmom
Weren't There When They Were Needed The Most
"Long story short."
"My brother got shot and was in ICU for a month."
"My brother's condition went south and my parents were MIA."
"A decision needed to be made wether or not we pull the plug."
"That decision fell on me."
"At 24, I had to make that choice with no parents in sight and I decided to pull the plug."- Soul_Traitor
A Little Kindness Goes A Long Way
"Oddly, she showed me she was capable of being kind- however disingenuous."
"She just wasn’t capable of being kind to me."- Evening_Run_1595
No Interest In Staying Cordial
"After a childhood ripe with physical, emotional and psychological abuse followed by limited contact through my 20’s, I finally decided to confront my mother."
"She agreed to go to therapy with me."
"A couple days later she started asking questions about the cost to which I said I’d pay."
"A couple days after that she was asking about how often we had to go."
"A couple days after that she said she didn’t want to go because I’d 'expose her'.”
"I was then told that the abuse I endured was my fault because I had given up on being a good son."
"This all happened 4 years ago and I went no contact immediately after."
"My life has gotten better since then."- PewpyDewpdyPantz
Sent Family Down The Wrong Path
"My mom introduced my older brother to heroin."
"He passed away early last year from an overdose."
"I don’t think I can ever forgive her for taking the only family I’ve ever really cared about away from me."- bulbsaur_is_best
Cutting someone from your life is a drastic decision that should be considered very carefully.
Sometimes though, however difficult it may seem, it is not only the right decision, but the only decision.
Especially when your mental and physical well-being are at risk.
People Share Their Biggest Relationship Dealbreakers That May Seem Trivial To Most People
In any relationship, especially romantic ones, there are dealbreakers. A quality or action the other person does that irks you so much, you don't want to be with that person anymore.
They can be big things. Perhaps you're a homebody, but your partner wants to travel. Or you disagree on your stances about kids or pets.
However, other times, it can be more minor things; things that may not bother most people. For example, my dealbreaker for my last boyfriend was that he could never let commercials play out during a TV show or movie. Once the commercials started, he had to switch the channel and watch something else, even though he then risked missing the other show.
This isn't something that bothers everyone, and seems minor, but it is a dealbreaker for me.
Redditors have their own relationship dealbreakers that they know would seem trivial to most others, and they are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor imthejavafox asked:
"What's a dealbreaker for you in a relationship that might not be a big deal to others?"
Reset Please
"Stopping the microwave before zero and not clearing the time."
– Ilostmypassword43
"I completely get stopping the microwave before the beep, I do that too. But just push stop a second time to clear the display/bring the clock back up. Super simple fix!"
– QuelynD
That's Pretty Specific
"If someone tells me they don’t mind giving my grandmother a ride to Bingo but then hours later they’re nowhere to be found and eventually you get a call from the cops that they were caught doing meth behind a Burger King."
– 6byfour
"Yeah I hate that"
– Dirtylittletryhard
"If I had a nickel for every time...."
– Yourcriticismiswrong
"You'd have two nickels. Which isn't that many really, but it's odd it happened twice."
– NitrokoffTheGhost
Yeah, That's Gross
"Chewing with mouth open."
– RetractionPodcast
"I have misophonia and chewing sounds are so incredibly stressful to hear."
– treefrogbc
I'm In The Car!
"bad driving. if you're texting, driving like a maniac, or having a road rage hissy fit while i'm in the car, count me OUT son"
– botticellibabyy
"I actually made my now ex-boyfriend take driving lessons (he’s 40 btw) before I would get back in the car with him. He was an aggressive and fidgety driver."
– BronxBelle
Do It Together
"Incompatible hobbies. We don't need to have the same hobbies but, as an example, if they're the type of active people who act as if they may die if they breathe indoors air, then we are not compatible."
– sachiko468
Yeah, That's Weird
"My ex used to go up to strangers at the grocery store and ask their opinion on random items. So that."
"He didn’t actually have questions, he just liked the attention"
– Mirrorflute88
Speak Like An Adult
"I found out recently that baby talk is a deal breaker for me. Dude speaks 3 languages and he said "peeez" instead of "please" too many times and it just made him unattractive to me."
– NuttyBoButty
"I had an ex (first longterm partner ever, dated over a year) who wanted me to babytalk them. First it was just wanting to put their head in my lap in public (mortifying), then wanting praise for everything they checked off in their bullet journal (okay), and then it was "can you pet my hair and talk to me like you're soothing a baby puppy?" And I was like. Yknow, actually, no. I think they run an MCU-themed affirmations blog now."
– graccha
Never On Time
"Consistent lateness. Everybody is late once in a while because life, but when you have those people who are constantly late for everything, and they leave you waiting for them over and over and over again? I just find it so incredibly disrespectful and it’s a huge deal breaker."
– Joygernaut
"Or when you are together with a person who's always late, and because of them you are now late from everything as well. All social gatherings, dinner dates, apppintnents, where ever you are going together. My ex got ready to leave but then started a few more "quick" projects to do, whilst I was in panic checking the time and begging him to come to the car already. Really bad match, I have some trauma for being late so I literally did have a panic attack if we were about to be late, but for him it wasn't a big deal and he never understood why I made a scene of it."
– Sentient_Dream
Low Key Nights Can Be Fun Too
"Being an annoying extrovert. If you have to be around groups of people every day and every weekend and like to go to the bar to drink every chance you get AND if you talk too much, we’re not going to work out. I’m an introvert and a homebody that likes to keep things low key and we should enjoy each other’s company without having to talk all the time to fill the air. Luckily, my spouse is an introvert like me so we mesh well."
– pwa09
"Haha same I'm like you ever heard of a video game????"
– ParadiceSC2
A Little Respect
"Not respecting boundaries. Like “don’t tickle me…I hate it!” Them, “but it’s so funny…lighten up!”"
– dodoatsandwiggets
"God I hate this. My brother just couldn’t understand the concept of me asking him to stop doing something for no other reason than I don’t like it/it bothers me. Like do you respect me? Why would you want someone you respect to endure something like that if there is no need..?"
– Tiggerhoods
My Horoscope Says...
"People who base their entire life and personality off zodiac signs"
– Sir_f*ckaru
Ewww!
"Not washing their hands after eating with their hands….Licking their fingers and wiping it off on their clothes thinking that’s "clean enough….""
"Yeah i really hate dirty hands"
– Extension-Badger-958
"I had met a cute guy, first date went great. Second date he asked me to the movies. We ordered popcorn (with butter) and he went to town on it, licking all the butter off his fingers. Then proceeded to put his hand on my thigh and trying to hold my hand. I’ve never gotten the ick and been so repulsed in such a short amount of time. It’s a bummer because otherwise he had a really clean cut/great hygiene but I just couldn’t move forward haha"
– zuis0804
My Pets Are My Family
"If they don't like animals, it's an absolute deal breaker."
– SageyPhantomhive
"I dated a guy that would say your f*cking cat when he would come over but he wasn't being funny. He hated my cat. I couldn't trust him around her. I ended it quickly with him."
– Icy-Supermarket-6932
On The Other Hand...
"Also the opposite... Refusing to post a single picture of us together. It doesn't have to be slathered all over socials, but that one really good picture of us on the mountain top? Why not post that?"
– horsewangjackson
"This one hits close to home. Dated and loved this girl for a year and she wouldn’t even let me post a pic of us dressed up nice to go to my friends wedding. Felt like she was hiding me from someone."
– lugubriouspandas
I have to agree with both of those!
Every love story, good or bad, has a lesson embedded in it.
And just like life in general, love always comes full circle.
We all end up back at the beginning.
My first relationship left enough scars for my therapist to send her her kids to college.
There is always a takeaway.
Too often, we ignore them.
If you haven't already, go back and dig a little deeper.
Redditor Frero_s wanted to discuss all the lessons they learned from the people they dated in the beginning, so they asked:
"What did you learn from your first relationship?"
My first love taught me to watch out for love.
Next to Godliness
snow white cleaning GIFGiphy"Compatibility with household cleanliness and organization habits is far more important than you think. Relationships where one partner cares a lot more about the household than the other will result in both parties resenting each other."
EdgyGoose
Firsts
“'When someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time.' -Maya Angelou, several years after I learned that lesson the hard way, but I could never phrase it better."
"Going hand in hand with that, you can’t fix someone else, especially someone who’s given up on themselves. You can only put that kind of energy and effort into yourself and expect to see returns. That one took me a couple or three ill-advised relationships, truthfully."
Some_Specialist_5052
The One
"You're going to get your heart broken sometimes. That my friends is life."
MrDadBod
"I prefer to think that most relationships will end, but that doesn’t make them failures. You can learn things and grow as a person in many relationships, even ones that end poorly."
"You can make mistakes by staying in them too long, ending them too soon, treating your partner badly, or allowing yourself to be treated badly, but calling them failures is such a limited perspective. Most people that find 'the one' probably would have 'failed' in that relationship if they had no prior relationships to learn from."
whomeverwiz
Not Enough
"It's not enough to love someone; the way that love is expressed matters a lot. For a great relationship, you have to love your partner in the way they need to be loved."
NoodleWeird
"And this takes practice too! Patience at the beginning of a relationship is important. Don't just assume you know each other from the inside out in the beginning, and take time to understand where each person is coming from."
ChimkenFinger
"That's the principle of the Five Love Languages. Do and say the things of the love language your partner most connects to."
LucidWebMarketing
Let it Go
let it go GIFGiphy"That some people aren’t meant for you. Don’t wait for them to be somebody they aren’t and don’t try to change them to fit what you want them to be."
Elegant-Vehicle7314
The only change we can focus on is our own.
As a couple, it's about changing together.
Otherwise move on.
Lies
Three Little Pigs Wow GIF by LaffGiphy"Sometimes the words 'I love you' don’t actually mean much when the person saying them doesn’t believe in those words anymore."
GodofWar1234
Perfect
"Well, I didn't have my first relationship until I was 30 which ended up in marriage and eventually divorce. The biggest lesson I took from it was that waiting for that 'perfect' person was a complete waste of time. I had a very difficult time dating when I was younger. I put too much pressure on each date for it to be something special."
"The marriage taught me that I could actually be desirable and gave me confidence going forward. The divorce, on the other hand, made me a much more guarded and uncaring person. Turns out the uncaring part made it easier to go on dates (less anxiety) but harder for them to mean anything later on."
Boromn
Thank you, Katie...
"Make your own decisions about what you want out of life your instead of those that line up with what she wants out of her life."
"Almost followed a girl to Portland, OR, and took a job I didn't really want because I wanted to make 'us' work. So happy she cared enough about me to end things and tell me to find my own path. A wife, a successful military career, and a bunch of kids later, I'm eternally grateful things turned out the way they did. Thank you, Katie."
thethrillamanila
Want better for YOU!
"To never chase or beg anyone to stay."
DarlinggD
"My first gf broke up with me over text right after she had left my place, walked her home even though we were both upset at each other. She refused to talk about it in person and then got mad at me for not fighting to keep her. I think I dodged a bullet because I don't think any relationship will work if one party refuses to communicate, uses breaking up to try to manipulate, or breaks up over text. All 3 in this case."
LumberWand
Under Pressure
Fuck You Season 4 GIF by FriendsGiphy"Someone can be a really good friend, doesn’t mean they’ll be a good partner. Also not to give in to pressure from your partner on things you believe in."
Rebel_0518
See your worth
"Apparently I get too attached which is odd to me cause I’m just trying to care and I suppose it comes off in a weird way. I’m not gonna stop 'cause I know someone will see my worth and appreciate every second of it when they find me."
Odd_Imagination_6617
"Please don’t ever stop caring. There are enough emotionally detached people in the world; so much so that they’ll have you feeling like you’re the oddball."
Queasy_Thought_6532
Big lessons here.
Relationships take way more than love.
Learn it young.