A wedding is quite often a celebration of the lives you and your spouse will embark on following the ceremony. But what happens when the bride-to-be turns out to be a nightmare and a half? What does that say about life after the wedding?
After Redditor MotherofHedgehogs asked the online community, "Guys who married Bridezillas––what happened after the wedding?" men (and some women) shared their stories. And all we can say to some of these is... Ouch. We're glad they got away.
"During the honeymoon..."
First wife was a Bridezilla. During the honeymoon, she realized she was married and the wedding day was history. She wanted the big wedding, which she had, not the marriage. The next two years were hell until she finally tapped out. I was young and stupid and the thought of divorce never crossed my mind.
I don't know why it didn't. I guess I just assumed I'd be miserable the rest of my life. When she told me she was leaving it felt as if the weight of the world was off of my shoulders. On a happy note, her parents were still paying off the wedding when we divorced. That's what happens when you allow your daughter everything she wanted....including 2 wedding dresses.
"Got into a huge fight..."
Got into a huge fight about broccoli on the honeymoon, all my fault of course. I knew then it was a mistake, toughed it out for two more years of abuse before I left. So glad I did.
"A friend of my father..."
A bit of a change up- not a Bridezilla, but a Groomzilla. A friend of my father was remarrying, it was both his and the bride's second time around, both in their early forties, and an arranged marriage (think Indian orthodox Muslim stuff). The guy was an utter groomzilla. He demanded that every event be at top-notch hotels with obscenely expensive catering and hired string quartets and what not for the entertainment. Mostly paid out of the bride's family's pocket, I might add.
The parties on the nights leading up to the main wedding event were opportunity enough for him to make a rather public @ss of himself, talking at the top of his voice and showboating the entire time. But the kicker came the next day when the bride was missing from her own wedding's reception. Obviously, it was very odd and conspicuous, and the few relatives from her side made some noncommittal excuses about her not feeling well, etc.
Turns out, this guy had divorced the poor woman right after he'd had his wedding night fun. He said that he 'didn't like her enough' (and that's an almost literal quote). So he gave her the triple divorce thing, and that was it. The marriage was officially over before the festivities even ended.
"She was a bridezilla..."
My buddy married a bridezilla. She was a bridezilla long before the wedding, and they had dated for about 7 years. I have no idea how they are doing. I just kind of stopped talking to him a few years after she claimed I ruined his birthday by remaining sober. I had driven 5 hours to be at his birthday.
"They married after a year..."
My cousin was married to one. He comes from a very not wealthy area, and has become successful himself after moving out of his hometown. His wife was extremely wealthy, even could say excessively. They married after a year of knowing each other, and boy was it a surprise to hear about the wedding plans. They spent +250K on the wedding, including catering by 5-7 different restaurants. Their food was from different cultures and cooked in front of you (think almost hibachi buffet style).
They even had servers in tailed suits and white gloves serving taco bell after midnight once everyone was drunk. Once they got married, she was spending more money than he could make. She was getting mad because he wasn't making enough, while she wasn't working and they hadn't had kids. They got divorced, and she gave him the ultimatum of getting his ring back or keeping the dog. He kept the dog. Her sister, a lawyer, helped her file a restraining order on him and they haven't spoken since. Man did he dodge a bullet.
"We had a budget for the wedding..."
She left me three months later. After the wedding and vacation was over I told her we need to pay the debt we just accumulated. She said she didn't have much on her credit card and could pay it off in a couple of months if I picked up some of her bills. I agreed and three months later she had her credit card paid off she told me she wanted a divorce.
We had a budget for the wedding and should have had no debt at the end but in the last few weeks before the wedding she suddenly had to spend a ton of money on wedding stuff I had never even heard of before. And when I say she spent a ton of money it came out of my pocket.
"We got married..."
According to my MiL I'm the bridezilla. We had a max limit of 36 people including ourselves and my son. My Mil gave me a guest list which included - you guessed it! - 36 names. She assured me that not everyone would come, but that they would be verrry ($) appreciative of the invite. I felt gross by that and left the decision up to my husband since it was his family. Needless to say, they all got invites. I had asked for RSVPs to be given a few months before the wedding. Since the MiL had used up all of the guest list I had greatly reduced my side of the guest list to 4 people, with some on hold until I knew the exact numbers.
I finally lost it 2 weeks before the wedding when I still didn't have RSVPs.
She said she would work on it and get back to me. A week before the wedding she said one family also needs to bring 9 other people because they were going on a family trip and our town was on the way so they would all be here anyway. I flat out said no and called her out on the BS. I cut off the guest list, said that I was inviting the rest of my guest list and that whoever hadn't RSVP'd didn't get a chair or plate. Right up to the day of the wedding they were making changes.
We got married at a Chinese buffet so that it would be the simplest planning and everyone would have something that they liked to eat. My dress was $40 off Amazon. My flowers were $20 from Costco. We had a Dairy Queen ice cream cake for the wedding cake.
Yet she still makes it out that I was the bridezilla.
Married a groomzilla. We are talking costume changes between wedding and reception, yelling at the wedding planner, drag-out-all-night fights about whether we can add fruit kabobs so people would maybe get enough to eat, all that.
There was zero compromise; he made a lot of promises for things I had been wanting after the wedding and they never materialized, like a beach vacation and such.
Turns out, no compromise at the wedding meant no compromise anywhere else, so I left him after four years of marriage.
Best decision ever!!!
"He is a lovely..."
I married a bridezilla. He is a lovely sweet thoughtful man but boy did he lose it surrounding the wedding. I could have been married with about three special people there. He needed 200+. As far as I was concerned we could eat off paper plates and napkins and have a big bonfire to burn them afterward. He needed personalized moist towelettes. You get the point. He is a lovely person and I love him dearly but I will never marry him again.
"She yelled at my mother..."
My brother married a bridezilla. She yelled at my mother the day of for asking her where she wanted certain decorations at the reception site (there wasn't a written plan so my mom had nothing to go off of). Never thanked my parents for financially contributing to the wedding. Accused a bridesmaid of trying to upstage her by getting a spray tan before the wedding. My brother wanted me to be in the wedding party but she told him to his face that I was too pretty to be in the wedding party and all of her bridesmaids had to be less attractive than her.
Stole my SIL jacket in the middle of the reception-literally took it off her back- because one of the bridesmaids was cold (it was a night reception in the spring, the girl should've brought a jacket). The list goes on. Well they got divorced about a year later because apparently her demanding attitude carried over into the marriage. Needless to say, the rest of my family had a little party when we heard about the divorce.
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Some people don't take breakups very well. And those that don't can sometimes engage in behavior that others might view as bothersome, unsettling, even toxic.
Others engage in abusive behavior during the relationship, a major red flag that some people might not take seriously until it's too late.
After Redditor XYZ3110 asked the online community, "What's the creepiest thing an ex has done?" people shared their stories.
"I was so terrified..."<p><span>Let herself in my side door, after we had broken up, sat on my bed in silence, waited for me to wake up, just staring at me in the dark. I was so terrified, not knowing who it was, my adrenaline went off and I pushed her off the bed and across the room. She said "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry," and let herself out. I've locked the door every night since. This was 3 years ago.</span></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsukte/whats_the_creepiest_thing_an_ex_has_done/gotm7te?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">NE1NE1NE1NE1</a></p>
"I didn't believe him..."<p>He broke into my second-floor apartment through a window while I was out of town. Tracked dirt through my apartment, took a bath, didn't drain the tub, and left. He called me and told me he was going to break in. I didn't believe him...so weird.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsukte/whats_the_creepiest_thing_an_ex_has_done/gotv7i7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">rinacolada38</a></p>
This next one is just odd.<p>"A" for effort, though?</p>
"She spread a false rumor..."<p>She spread a false rumor about me f****** trees, and then went through all the effort of photoshopping pictures of me doing so.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsukte/whats_the_creepiest_thing_an_ex_has_done/gotbxia?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">froopty1</a></p>
"The times I left her alone..."<p>She was a snoop. The times I left her alone in my apartment she'd go through my things. My financial records, which I keep in a filing cabinet, my dresser drawers, my closets. I only discovered that she did it when she slipped-up and revealed information she'd only have if she snooped.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsukte/whats_the_creepiest_thing_an_ex_has_done/gotc8l2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">LiterallyOuttoLunch</a></p>
"Thoroughly explained to me..."<p>Thoroughly explained to me how he studied negging and how he used it on me. Also called me 50 times one time because I wouldn't return a text.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsukte/whats_the_creepiest_thing_an_ex_has_done/gotdsd8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">moscamoto</a></p>
"Went through my phone..."<p>Went through my phone when I was asleep and texted every female (I save everyone on my phone using their full government names) that she was my girlfriend and they'd better back off or she'd come after them and do them physical harm.</p><p>The thing is, the only numbers I have on my phone are all family. So I received multiple texts and calls the next day asking if I was okay or being held hostage.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsukte/whats_the_creepiest_thing_an_ex_has_done/gotulpd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Deswizard</a></p>
"I figured it out..."<p>My ex would steal my panties from the laundry hamper in my bathroom when he would come to pick up our kid, then try to sneak them back the next time. I figured it out fairly quickly, then wouldn't allow him in my house to use the bathroom when he was picking our kid up. Grossed me out.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsukte/whats_the_creepiest_thing_an_ex_has_done/gotj69k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">lastsasohysant</a></p>
Do these people think the other person won't figure it out eventually?<p>Seriously. The nerve.</p>
"My most recent ex..."<p>My most recent ex has decided to stalk me, so that's fun.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsukte/whats_the_creepiest_thing_an_ex_has_done/gottggc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3"></a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsukte/whats_the_creepiest_thing_an_ex_has_done/gottggc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">HumanResourcesIRL</a></p>
"Not long after her decision..."<p>An ex of mine began referring to herself with my last name as if we were married. This was when I was in undergrad and had absolutely no intentions of tying knots other than my shoelaces.</p><p>Not long after her decision to take my last name, she stopped taking birth control and failed to inform me. I only found out because a mutual friend of ours (more her friend than mine) casually mentioned it to me, as if I had known. I noped the f*** out of that relationship not too long after.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsukte/whats_the_creepiest_thing_an_ex_has_done/gou2k18?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">shaoting</a></p>
In case you haven't figured it out already...<p>...people find this behavior unsettling. It's wrong. No one deserves to feel afraid for breaking up with someone. How would you feel if someone violated your personal space? How would you feel if someone invaded your home and took your things? You wouldn't feel safe, would you?</p><p>Have some stories of your own? Feel free to share them in the comments below.</p>
Babysitters and daycare professionals have access to a unique vantage. As the trusted adults left in the room with a child or children, childcare workers are the ultimate flies on the wall.
And when a childcare worker performs that role for an extended period of time--an entire career in some cases--they become privy to a whole collage of different kids who come from different homes.
Risk-Prone Personality<p>"I used to work at a daycare and this one kid kept trying to stick his finger in the electrical sockets (the sockets were taped off so he couldn't) and would fall from pretty high places and hit his head."</p><p>"I have no clue how he's still alive but I now believe he is immortal."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsvvkp/babysitters_of_reddit_what_screams_well_this_kid/gounhzr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Wii_wii_baget</a></p>
Warning Signs<p>"I'm not a babysitter, but a relative of mine was for a short period of time. She said this 4 or 5 year old kid would tell her about how he wanted to cut into his pets to 'see how they work.' " </p><p>"The creepy behavior continued, she brought it up to the mother who didn't seem to care. One day she arrived, and the kid brought her a handful of various teeth that weren't human, still bloody."</p><p>"That was the last time she babysat."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsvvkp/babysitters_of_reddit_what_screams_well_this_kid/gotw04x?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">A_Garbage_Account</a></p>
What's Cool for Adults May Be Neglectful for Children.<p>"When I lived in Canada and worked as a nanny, I used to do casual babysitting on the side for a number of local families. One of them, well - the parents were cool people with basically good hearts, but they should never have been parents."</p><p>"Their youngest son had the video of the original Michael Keaton/Jack Nicholson 'Batman' screened at his fourth birthday party, then 'Army of Darkness' at his fifth; the fifth birthday party was attended by the then four year old that I was nanny to, and I had to play dumb and tell my employers that I had no idea why their son was running round the garden with a Super Soaker shouting 'This is my boomstick!' " </p><p>"The parents were also ex-hippies who hauled their son and his two older sisters round in a bus following the Grateful Dead, and they bought their son a 'Can You Find Stoned Waldo' T shirt at one of the shows..."</p><p>"...when the kid wore this shirt to school before he turned six, he was made to take it off and turn it inside out before putting it back on, and when asked if he knew why he'd been told to do this replied, "'Cause there's illegal activity on it, but my dad says it's not illegal if you're sick.' "</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsvvkp/babysitters_of_reddit_what_screams_well_this_kid/goud941?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mrwednesday33</a></p>
Afraid of Home<p>"I'm a teacher, not a babysitter. But, when kids are afraid to go home or have their parents contacted about anything, there is something going on that raises red flags (and will, possibly, leave the kid fu**ed up for years to come)."</p><p>"I had a student a few years ago who broke down in tears in front of me, begging me not to email his mom. He had cheated on a test and was so scared of his mother finding out that, after the crying, he threw up in the trash can."</p><p>"If you are <em>that</em> scared of your parents, then something is majorly wrong."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsvvkp/babysitters_of_reddit_what_screams_well_this_kid/gouquxk?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Onyx_Owl</a></p>
When It's Time to Take Action<p>"I have a friend who worked in a daycare right out of college."</p><p>"There was a baby who came in everyday dirty and hungry, so when she changed the baby's diaper at the end of the day she would write the date and time on the diaper with a sharpie."</p><p>"That baby came back the next day with the same diaper.... 12 hours later. After a few days of that she called CPS."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsvvkp/babysitters_of_reddit_what_screams_well_this_kid/govd8uc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Chickiepie</a></p>
Illustrated in Socks<p>"Shi**y parents that doesn't care."</p><p>"I once babysat a little boy, from the time he was 1-3. His mom was busy going on vacation and partying."</p><p>"I remember as he grew he had less and less clothes, because he outgrown the ones he had. I remember he only had 1 pair of socks, because his mom would lose every fu**ing sock."</p><p>"I felt ashamed delivering him to the daycare with two different socks, all the time. It may not seem like a big deal, but look at it from a different POV: if you can't take care of a pair of socks, how are you gonna take care of a baby?"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsvvkp/babysitters_of_reddit_what_screams_well_this_kid/gotj4qy?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">SantaStoleMyCar</a></p>
Sadly, Not a Priority<p>"Honestly, parents who don't care about the kid's education, for whatever reason. Probably, the parent didn't graduate high school in the first place and doesn't place a whole lot of value in education."</p><p>"Many of those kids (source: former teacher) end up working at McDonald's or struggling to find some other work. They don't even get into trades because you have to go to some kind of school for those, and school just isn't something they can 'do.' "</p><p>"This happened with my step-daughter, who is an absolutely wonderful person but her mom never cared how she did in school or even if she went. Hence her trying to make a living now at 25 by working in day cares, which does NOT pay very well."</p><p>"She wants to do other things but they'd all require school and she just says 'I hate school.' "</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsvvkp/babysitters_of_reddit_what_screams_well_this_kid/goto7an?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DTownForever</a></p>
Nomenclature<p>"Knew a kid whose parents thought it was funny to tell him the wrong names for things. Socks were called turtles. Put your turtles on. Sh** like this."</p><p>"Wondered why he had screaming meltdowns in daycare then kindergarten etc until he was finally able to read by himself. In grade 4. Because spelling turtle s o c k doesn't give you any head starts."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsvvkp/babysitters_of_reddit_what_screams_well_this_kid/gouuned?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">dropthemasq</a></p>
A Very High Bar<p>"Smooth time."</p><p>"I babysat a 6 year old and his parents has a few strange rules, but Smooth Time was by far the worst." </p><p>" first day while walking through the routine, I was told every evening after bath time, I was to cover this kid head to toe in petroleum jelly to 'prevent cracks in his skin"'aka dry skin."</p><p>"It happened every morning as well, but the mom or dad did it then."</p><p>"I really don't think it was anything malicious, the other rules were similarly overly-cautious like the kid had to wear shoes at all times to prevent him hurting his feet, but that kid is gonna have a hard time at his first sleepover."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsvvkp/babysitters_of_reddit_what_screams_well_this_kid/gouw5o8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Rossthedinoguy</a></p>
Reactive Parenting<p>"Not a babysitter but had a classmate that had parents that knowingly taught him the wrong things to avoid him getting confused and eventually pulled him out of school after only a few years of him being in our school."</p><p>"They said for example that negative numbers don't actually exist, decimal points are just full stops for big numbers and so on and so forth."</p><p>"Parents also gave him waaaaay too much free reign; I live in an area of London that isn't the best for crime, i.e. you shouldn't really be letting children go to school by themselves until at least age 14-15 and if so at least with a few friends."</p><p>"By age 8 his parents allowed him to go to school by himself (he lived about 15 minutes away). He was also extremely clumsy and could be very rude."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lsvvkp/babysitters_of_reddit_what_screams_well_this_kid/gotv6ok?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">[deleted]</a></p>
As a married woman, I learn more and more every day what it means to be in a romantic relationship. It is a constant learning experience, and even now, four years into being together, we still are learning more and more about each other.
This isn't just our relationship. In fact, this is a universal trend in all relationships. Most mistakes that we worry are specific to our relationship are actually common to every marriage or partnership. We've all been through it, man!
Disagreements happen. It’s better to face them head-on.<p>Trying too hard to avoid potential arguments to avoid conflict rather than hashing it out before the issue becomes too big to handle.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/noah9389/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Noah9389</a> / <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/backwoodshippy/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Backwoodshippy</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/backwoodshippy/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"></a>This I believe is the most important. At first, I was afraid to say things sometimes because I was so afraid that she might not see me the same or something. She was doing the same.</p><p>We both learned that love is love no matter what and any disagreements we can talk about and we may feel sad or hurt or upset but we never yell at each other, we simply talk it through and if it's something we both disagree on, we compromise. We have both had our small moody feelings but we always talk things through and so long as we stay true to each other I believe it will last forever.</p><p>I learned that when two people love each other so much, they will work together and be devoted to each other no matter what. And we have a strong relationship that I believe will last forever.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/SanelliGames/" target="_blank">SanelliGames</a></p>
Never ignore your problems!<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcwNDg3Mi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMzM0NDMyNH0.LRM6guAFJMI1mYLhBlHDydlZi_iLjjkdLpxlwPslXFI/img.gif?width=980" id="b1202" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="8b2e51f3df674b30f824e4f29539d40b" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="480" />GIF by In The Heights MovieGiphy<p>The most common mistakes that couples make are not actively listening to one another, taking their partner for granted, and pushing aside problems because they don't want to cause an argument.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/noah9389/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Noah9389</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/noah9389/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"></a>Also talk about what's bothering each other.</p><p>You got to work together to solve issues that come up, you can't just ignore them. That's how people end up leaving or cheating.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/similiarintrests/" target="_blank">Similarintrests</a><br></p>
Communication is key!<p>Not being able to communicate. You need to be able to voice when you are hurt without them taking it as an attack. You need to be able to hear your partner.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/sweetsubmarines/" target="_blank">Sweetsubmarines</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/sweetsubmarines/" target="_blank"></a>100% agree. Although I do think it's important to encourage learning how to communicate. Many adults just simply don't know how to do this and I do believe it's a learnable skill.<br></p><p>Should you waste your life with a partner who has no interest in self development and learning to communicate? Probably not. Should you discuss this with your SO who has poor communication skills and create a plan to work together and improve communication? Yes!</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Iwant2go2_there/" target="_blank">Iwant2go2_there</a></p>
Married life in a nutshell.<p>That love is a feeling. You can "fall" in love with someone but it's more of a choice to be deeply connected with this one person. Over time you constantly choose to love them through the good and the bad. If you base your entire relationship on how love is a feeling, you're most likely going to "fall out of love" with them.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/I_Like_To_Hunt_Eggs/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">I_Like_To_Hunt_Eggs</a></p>
DON’T do this.<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcwNDg3OS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2OTE0Mjg1OH0.Z3QjQBNduyjZc816fDmk7IowLwjc4Ms9XfGk3RtBUks/img.gif?width=980" id="02582" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="6e4a6d35608f5552f011b9ab70098cae" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="270" />will ferrell elf GIFGiphy<p>Labeling your partner the source of all your happiness and joy.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/blankblotter/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Blankblotter</a></p><p>100% this. I know the phrase "how can you be happy with someone else if you're not happy alone" has become hated because some people feel like it's saying "people with depression should never be in a relationship" but it's not really about that. As someone who has been put in the position of "someone's entire happiness and joy" it is extremely stressful. Because the flipside ends up being "I'm unhappy - how can my partner fix it??" even if it's not a conscious or intentional thing.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/themoogleknight/" target="_blank">Themoogleknight</a><br></p>
All of this.<p>Getting into a relationship too fast and not getting out of the relationship fast enough (especially prior to marriage).</p><p>When you're not in an official relationship with someone yet, it's pretty easy to walk away if you see problems. But once you're officially in a relationship with someone, you're more invested in them, and you're less likely to walk away when you see problems. So it's important to spend significant time getting to know someone before you start doing things that make you feel more reluctant to walk away (whether that be kissing them, calling them your boyfriend or girlfriend, or whatever), so that you will filter out more of the bad potential partners before they become actual partners and waste more of your time causing you more pain.</p><p>Once you're already in the relationship, it's important to communicate - to express your needs clearly and assess your partner's needs with empathy and care. And if you've expressed your needs clearly but your partner still does not meet them, then it's important to end the relationship. Hanging around hoping something will suddenly change somehow is wasting your time and also wasting your partner's time. It's a kindness to both of you if you just explain that since your needs still have not been met, you're leaving now.</p>
Big mistake.<p>Assuming your partner should know what you want if they love you. I struggled early in our marriage because the women in my wife's family are big on this. We worked on it and it took a bit, but we got to the point where we would only hold each other accountable to expressed words and thoughts. It has made all the difference in the world and 27 years of marriage have been mostly happy. Also, comparisons. Never say "Well my last SO did this" or " My family always did it another way". Good way to alienate a partner.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/TheUnblinkingEye1001/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">TheUnblinkingEye1001</a></p>
It will NEVER be even.<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcwNDg5Mi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2OTA4NTY4NH0.AzWdWl-RiMoylscXTgAhM6sf-zeE8Mft_qcq8IyQCRA/img.gif?width=980" id="b4c0f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="916a31072aa0e411b328d1d553349b8e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="400" data-height="400" />Shade Reaction GIF by BounceGiphy<p>Keeping score.</p><p>"I did the dishes three times two weeks ago, you only did them once last week."</p><p>"You got a new video game this month, why didn't I get something?"</p><p>Etc</p><p>It's never going to be completely even, things ebb and flow. Both side should feel like they're getting a fair shake overall but if you keep track of every little thing (even if it's just in your head, I don't necessarily mean like an actual list) it's just going to guarantee that somebody is always "losing". It's not a competition.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/sharrrper/" target="_blank">Sharrper</a></p>
Love’s not a game.<p>Treating dating as a game you're supposed to win instead of playing just for fun of it.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/AnAverageFreak/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">AnAverageFreak</a></p><p>Or even worse, treating any communication as something you're supposed to win, instead of using it to find a solution to a problem.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Zerokx/" target="_blank">Zerokx</a><br></p>
Such good advice.<p>I've always heard "Don't go to bed angry". Don't take that advice. Most times, you're both tired and it's late. Sleep on it and continue the conversation the next day.</p><p>Don't keep score.</p><p>Accept/admit when you've screwed up and move on.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/pop_corn26/" target="_blank">Pop_corn26</a></p>
There are things we accept as inherently bad – like predatory animals or unhealthy foods – because we are socialized to believe they are.