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Guy's Sister Was Voted "Ugliest Girl" By The Boys In Her Class, And Her Brother Seeks Advice On How To Help

Beat them all!! Sorry not Sorry!

My (15M) sister (17F) was voted ugliest girl of her year and it's crushing her. I need help on how to comfort her. First of all u/GladBus0 is the kind of sibling we all deserve and should be... and he has an issue he needs some guidance on. Listen close....


My (15M) sister (17F) was voted ugliest girl of her year and it’s crushing her. I need help on how to comfort her.

Hi everybody I have an awful problem that I don't know how to deal with.

It began yesterday afternoon when I came home from school and my parents told me that my sister was ill and not to go near her. Lo and behold when I went up to where our rooms are she had locked herself in the bathroom and I heard throwing up noises. Ok I thought hope she gets better soon. The rest of the day I heard her either in her room or in our bathroom, weirdly she was also crying and sobbing a lot which isn't normal for her. But I thought maybe her stomach really hurt or something.

But today in school a girl from my class who has an older sister in my sister's year told me that all the guys from their year (about 50) had made a "hotness ranking" of all the girls in their year (also about 50), from hottest to ugliest. And my sister came in as the No 1 ugliest of all, and according to her sister she had tried to hold it together during class but went home bawling.

The girl from my class then went on to talk to her girl friends about how those guys were aholes, but I felt like I was going to faint. I would never admit this to anyone in real life because it sound so dorky, but my sister is actually my best friend and biggest role model, she is awesome at so many things like playing chess and tree climbing which she taught me. Also for example when I had my wisdom teeth removed this year she sat in my room for hours while I was lying in bed feeling awful and read books to me doing all the voices (another thing she's awesome at) to make me laugh. Stuff like that.

She didn't go to school today and my parents still think she is ill but I know the truth. I'm home now and she is in her room still randomly bursting into tears. The sound of her crying alone makes me feel dizzy because I haven't heard her cry since we were both little kids. I feel like now it's my turn to be there for her for once but I can't figure out how without making everything worse. If I just knocked at her room door and told her she isn't ugly she would probably think that the entire school knows about the ranking and feel even worse, plus she'd probably feel pathetic about her little brother feeling the need to comfort her. I also don't want to tell our parents, if she wanted them to know she would have told them herself obvs. I feel lost in that I really want to help her feel better again, but I can't figure out how?

My sister was voted ugliest girl of her year and is sick and crying for the second day now. I can't figure out how to comfort her without screwing everything up even more.

Talk it Out....

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God teenagers can be disgusting. I concur with all the other advice - go talk to her, give her support. Ask her to talk to your parents about it. I'm so sorry. jolie178923-15423435

Open Your Heart....

I would never admit this to anyone in real life because it sound so dorky, but my sister is actually my best friend and biggest role model, she is awesome at so many things like playing chess and tree climbing which she taught me.

This isn't necessarily relevant to the actual situation, but you should definitely express this to your sister, even if it sounds dorky and awkward. It would mean a lot to her. alittlefallofrain

Idea: if she plans on going away to college write her a letter with this in it. She would LOVE that. sophisti-kitty

Loop it! 

Oh my god, your poor sister. I think at this point you've got to tell your parents, because this is bullying.

You're a good brother, but fixing this is a higher-level thing than you're going to be capable of solving. You need to loop your parents in. rainyreminder

Get Therapy...

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I had a similar thing happen 20 years ago: a group of popular kids voted me on to homecoming court only to tell me they wanted a "spectrum" of ugliest to prettiest girls, so I'd be the "ugliest" end. I obviously withdrew from the court (!) But yeah, it has had long-term effects. I don't think about that incident all the time, but I am still working on insecurity.

I have had a lot of therapy, so it doesn't affect my professional life too much (which was my goal; I figured if I'm hideous, I should at least be able to support myself since I would probably be alone / unloveable). I really, really hope OP's sister can get counseling. I honestly think it's helped me a lot. BigShoesScareCat

Don't be cool... be Hot! 

When I was in high school a group of guys did a similar thing but someone reported it and the Vice Principle got to the bottom of who made it. It never happened again.

I get that is not the "cool" thing to do, but it is the right thing. This is bullying and objectification. These boys need to learn there is a lot more to women than their looks. Which, btw, are so subjective. Everyone's version of pretty is different, and that may help your sister find some solace. sophisti-kitty

Find her voice! 

This happened to me too but with a lot more students. The teachers and staff knew about it but chose to ignore it because it was true and i wasn't a 'cool kid.' My parents said it wasn't a big deal and I CHOSE to not be offended. I turned out fine even if ugly. Maybe the only thing that truly helps is not caring. Help your sister develop real confidence that doesn't depend on anything or anyone else. 2tally2torothrowaway

Just Forget Them! 

Yeah, that is ruthless as hell, and needs to be nipped in the bud ASAP by the teachers principles to spare the next child. But, the damage has already been done to OP's sister.

Honestly, the only thing you can really do is be there for your sister. That horrible stuff is something that is not going to be easy for her to get over. It may take a few days for her to want to really do anything, but do whatever you can to be there for her. If she has a hobby or something she enjoys try to keep her engaged in that to keep her mind on positive things.

The only advice I can really give her, and this is coming from someone who has been out of high school for almost 10 years, is to keep your head up and keep working hard. I went to a similarly small-ish school (80 ppl in my class), and was sort of a black sheep. I graduated and moved away and don't really talk to any of them anymore, and I have a great life now. My point is that she's 17 so I assume either Junior/Senior meaning that she's close enough to graduating. Don't let what some idiot classmates say about you destroy your own self image. Push through the last bit of high school. F**k them, show them how successful you can be. It might not be the best advice, but it helped me and that's what I did. I went to college got a degree with engineering while all of them are still living in the same shitty town I left. Sorry for the long rant. fenderc1

Just Tell! 

Do you know which boys are responsible or have evidence of this list? If so, alert the school immediately, this is terrible bullying. Tttapir

No, my classmate said it was "all the guys" but I imagine they weren't all equally involved, probably some had the idea and organized everything while others just voted. GladBus0

One day she'll understand...

I know you don't want to betray your sister's trust, but I think this is something that your parents should now about. This is an incredibly terrible thing to be dealing with, and while you're obviously a big support for your sister, this is a situation where adult needs to be involved. Tell your parents everything you know, and I am sure that they will take appropriate actions. This is bullying, and needs to be dealt with severely. As for what you can do, please tell her everything you just mentioned in your post. She may not be ready to hear it now, but I'm sure she will appreciate to hear how much you look up to her. Much love to you and your sister. lilygoatgruff

Call Olivia Benson! 

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OP: Tell your sister that you love her, and give her a hug, and ask her what she needs.

When she can, I'd ask her to tell your parents so that they can report it to the school, this is absolutely bullying and those boys need to learn that this type of activity is not tolerated.

Finally, keep an eye on your sister over the next couple months. I could easily see something like this turning into an eating disorder, depression, or some other mental type of illness, and if you know what you're looking for, you can help her get the help she might need from a therapist, counselor, teacher, or friend. _shipwrecks

Discipline Please! 

I'm just as disgusted from the boys behavior as everyone else but is it really a good idea, as many here are suggesting, to tell the parents/school and get them disciplined? The only thing I see coming out of this is more retaliation from the boys, we all know word will get around about who told on them and I just see it getting worse for the sister. I mean will discipline stop their behavior? I doubt it.

I'm not saying I have answers, just don't want it to get worse for your sister. ca_work

Let's see the List! 

I understand this concern, but the school doesn't have to say how they found out, just that it was reported to them. Any girl on that list, or anyone with a conscience could have told the school administration. No one needs to know who, but it should definitely be dealt with and those responsible should face harsh consequences. I know if I were a teacher or principal at this school I would be furious! This kind of thing scars people for life. BenevolentGodzilla

Keep her Smile...

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This is what I'd worry about too. From a parent's perspective, that would be the most just and right thing to do, but they don't have to live with the direct possible consequences that could have. Even if it stops the bullying out of fear of punishment, that doesn't stop the gossip that will have another chance to be going around. We all know people get even more snarky when they know someone told on them.

That being said, you should go hang out with your sister! Tell her how you look up to her. I might not even bring up what happened at all, she can probably assume you know. Try to get her to smile and laugh and forget about what happened for a second, it will feel good for her to be distracted from it. You two remind me of me and by brother :) Having a sibling you get along with so well is awesome! marycatherine0715

More than just Looks.....

I would knock on her door and see if she is open to talking. If not leave her alone, but if so then go in and tell her all the things you appreciate about her that you mentioned in your post. She is 17... she is probably crying because they said she was the ugliest girl, but she may also be crying for a more subconscious reason. At that age and being a teen girl, sometimes it's hard to separate how attractive you are and self worth. This incident probably made her feel so, so worthless. Sad but reality. Tell her all the things you appreciate about her as a person. Don't mention her looks. Chances are maybe she's ugly. Ok. The message you want to send, which will really be the thing to fix this, is that her worth comes from who she is, and by your description she sounds awesome. ihearthorticulture

Later this won't Matter! 

Tell her to be strong and keep her head up. Its through pain and adversity that we develop into better, more resilient forms of ourselves. She sounds like a very kind person, and that will enrich her adult life in so many more ways then being an attractive girl in high school would have the potential too. At 31 years old, one realization I've come to is that high school concerns become things to laugh about later in life. isaystupidthingssrry

The Late Bloom....

I don't really have any advice on how to deal with the emotional side of that, but hopefully she can take solace in knowing that how you are in highschool/when you are young is not always how you will look. I've known a few girls who were not at all good looking who turned into knockouts in their 20's, things really do change and lots of people are late bloomers. Reddit

I'm Sorries are called for...

This is beyond dorky behavior you must inform the school... it's a type of bullying. These type of things can really change a person. Ring the parents of the kids involved demand an apology hold them to account.

If it goes on their academic record it may stop them getting into a good college offer them the option of a sincere apology or you make sure the rest of their school time isn't fun for them. pickelrick_

Time for Mom and Dad....

I think you should tell you parents. This is bullying and not acceptable. The school should figure out who were the instigators of this sick joke and expel them. Banter should be fine and school is a social place too where children learn what is normal and fun behavior and is time for these assholes to suffer some consequences. monster_peanut

Keep Hugging!

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Comfort her dude. She sounds like an awesome person. What a bunch of pricks. You could also bring it up to management. Honestly I'm not sure what I would do if I was your sister besides laugh it off and try not to be hurt. But that's very very very very hard. :/ And usually a lie. It almost always hurts. I'm sorry I hope she feels better. ChocPineapple

Never be Typical! 

Oh.. I am so sorry.. 20 years ago I had something similar happen to me in high school. I wish I had a loving younger brother as yourself to help me out.. When I was 15-16 I was told to my face i was ugly daily.. These girls would even greet me that way.. I never told anyone. Never reported it. If you decided to tell your parents, good for you. Your sister will always love you even if she will not be pleased at first that mom and dad know about this. If you decided to help her on your own, good for you. I'm sure Google will help you find beautiful, successful people that were not considered the 'typical' beauty in high school. Keep reminding her why she is the best sister, your best friend and ask her what would she do in your shoes. University is around the corner.. It's a new world... Everything will change for the better. Your sister sounds like a wonderful young lady.. Be strong.. Stand by her.. Your parents should be proud of you. dominikka

REDDIT

Kids are just cruel. Parents... that's a fail. What are your thoughts people?

People Reveal Whether They Let Their Dog Sleep On Their Bed Or Not

Reddit user Piggythelavasurfer asked: 'Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?'

Dog lying down on a bed
Photo by Conner Baker on Unsplash

Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.

While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.

Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.

Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.

For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.

Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:

"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"

The Tiny Issue Of Water...

"Absolutely not."

"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649

Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...

"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."

"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."

"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."

"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep

The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...

"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."

"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3

Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap DierenartsenGiphy

What Do You Mean Allow?

"I have no choice."

"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412

"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle

Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way

"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show

Hug GIF by The BarkPostGiphy

Who Needs An Alarm Clock?

"I let my two cats sleep with me."

"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."

"And so do I."

"We've all developed a lil routine."

"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_

Whose Bed Is It Anyway?

"Yes."

"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."

"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor

"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."

"Would not come out."

"Got some food and some water in dishes."

"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."

"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."

"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."

"She was too busy eating."

"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."

"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."

"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."

"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."

"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."

"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."

"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."

"She would not go."

"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."

"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588

sleepy kitten GIFGiphy

Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...

"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."

"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."

"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle

Saying No Just Isn't An Option...

"'Let'."

"Lol."

"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren

Felines Only!

"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz

Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang OfficialGiphy

Is That My Hair On That Pillow?

"My dog is perfect."

"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."

"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."

"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester

It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.

Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...


Close up of an owl tilting their head to side, looking bewildered
Photo by Josh Mills

The old wives' tales.

They are the stories of legend.

I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.

Where did they originate?

WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!

You don't hear about them as much anymore.

It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.

But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.

Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:

"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"

"Wait an hour to swim after eating."

What a crock!

So many summer hours wasted.

I want revenge for that one.

Say Nothing

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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."

LonelyMail5115

"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."

I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA

Say Something

"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."

Severe_Airport1426

"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."

crappycurtains

"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."

AlbinoShavedGorilla

Body Temps

"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."

chriseo22

"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."

"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."

apocalypticradish

Arms Down

"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."

Fatmouse84

10 Years Actually

Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy

"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."

REDDIT

"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."

Gecko-911

I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.

This tale is haunting.

High/Low

Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & GraceGiphy

"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."

LeastFormal9366

"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."

IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI

The Cursed

"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."

"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."

SmoreOfBabylon

Stay In

"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."

"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."

worldbound0514

Dreams and Facts

"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."

"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."

mattshonestreddit

"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."

Darthdemented

Cracked

Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The OfficeGiphy

"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."

Choice-Grapefruit-44

"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."

MacyTmcterry

I love my knuckles.

Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.

lottery tickets
Erik Mclean on Unsplash

A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.

Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.

But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.

However not everyone feels that way about their job.

So what are these compelling careers?

Keep reading...Show less
Therapist talking during session
Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash

Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.

It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.

Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:

"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"

Communication Issues

"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"

- maggiebear

"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."

"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."

"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."

- chobani_yo

"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"

- Reddit

Emotional Regulation

"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"

"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."

- lil_mermaid

Tough Relationships

"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"

"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."

"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."

- metric88

High-Stress Situation

"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."

"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."

- KittenGr8r

The End of Alcohol

"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."

"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."

"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."

"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"

"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."

"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"

"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."

"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."

- sophies_wish

Acceptance vs. Enjoyment

"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"

"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."

- alibelloc

Emotionally Immature Parents

"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."

- SmokedPears

Not So Lazy

"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."

"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."

"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."

"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."

- flybyknight665

The Harm in People-Pleasing

"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."

- ERsandwich

Agree to Disagree

"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"

This really changed my outlook on planning family events."

- freef

Grieve and Start Anew

"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."

"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"

"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."

- squeaktoy_la

Multifaceted Identity

"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."

- unfairpegasus

Breaking the Cycle

"They validated me."

"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."

"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."

"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"

- puppsmcgee74

The Grieving Process

"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."

"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."

"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"

"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"

"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."

"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."

- Hannibal680

Sharing the Load

"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."

"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."

"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."

"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."

"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."

"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."

- Backupusername

The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.

It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.