Guy's Sister Was Voted "Ugliest Girl" By The Boys In Her Class, And Her Brother Seeks Advice On How To Help
My (15M) sister (17F) was voted ugliest girl of her year and it's crushing her. I need help on how to comfort her. First of all u/GladBus0 is the kind of sibling we all deserve and should be... and he has an issue he needs some guidance on. Listen close....
My (15M) sister (17F) was voted ugliest girl of her year and it’s crushing her. I need help on how to comfort her.
Hi everybody I have an awful problem that I don't know how to deal with.
It began yesterday afternoon when I came home from school and my parents told me that my sister was ill and not to go near her. Lo and behold when I went up to where our rooms are she had locked herself in the bathroom and I heard throwing up noises. Ok I thought hope she gets better soon. The rest of the day I heard her either in her room or in our bathroom, weirdly she was also crying and sobbing a lot which isn't normal for her. But I thought maybe her stomach really hurt or something.
But today in school a girl from my class who has an older sister in my sister's year told me that all the guys from their year (about 50) had made a "hotness ranking" of all the girls in their year (also about 50), from hottest to ugliest. And my sister came in as the No 1 ugliest of all, and according to her sister she had tried to hold it together during class but went home bawling.
The girl from my class then went on to talk to her girl friends about how those guys were aholes, but I felt like I was going to faint. I would never admit this to anyone in real life because it sound so dorky, but my sister is actually my best friend and biggest role model, she is awesome at so many things like playing chess and tree climbing which she taught me. Also for example when I had my wisdom teeth removed this year she sat in my room for hours while I was lying in bed feeling awful and read books to me doing all the voices (another thing she's awesome at) to make me laugh. Stuff like that.
She didn't go to school today and my parents still think she is ill but I know the truth. I'm home now and she is in her room still randomly bursting into tears. The sound of her crying alone makes me feel dizzy because I haven't heard her cry since we were both little kids. I feel like now it's my turn to be there for her for once but I can't figure out how without making everything worse. If I just knocked at her room door and told her she isn't ugly she would probably think that the entire school knows about the ranking and feel even worse, plus she'd probably feel pathetic about her little brother feeling the need to comfort her. I also don't want to tell our parents, if she wanted them to know she would have told them herself obvs. I feel lost in that I really want to help her feel better again, but I can't figure out how?
My sister was voted ugliest girl of her year and is sick and crying for the second day now. I can't figure out how to comfort her without screwing everything up even more.
Talk it Out....Giphy
God teenagers can be disgusting. I concur with all the other advice - go talk to her, give her support. Ask her to talk to your parents about it. I'm so sorry. jolie178923-15423435
Open Your Heart....
I would never admit this to anyone in real life because it sound so dorky, but my sister is actually my best friend and biggest role model, she is awesome at so many things like playing chess and tree climbing which she taught me.
This isn't necessarily relevant to the actual situation, but you should definitely express this to your sister, even if it sounds dorky and awkward. It would mean a lot to her. alittlefallofrain
Idea: if she plans on going away to college write her a letter with this in it. She would LOVE that. sophisti-kitty
Oh my god, your poor sister. I think at this point you've got to tell your parents, because this is bullying.
You're a good brother, but fixing this is a higher-level thing than you're going to be capable of solving. You need to loop your parents in. rainyreminder
I had a similar thing happen 20 years ago: a group of popular kids voted me on to homecoming court only to tell me they wanted a "spectrum" of ugliest to prettiest girls, so I'd be the "ugliest" end. I obviously withdrew from the court (!) But yeah, it has had long-term effects. I don't think about that incident all the time, but I am still working on insecurity.
I have had a lot of therapy, so it doesn't affect my professional life too much (which was my goal; I figured if I'm hideous, I should at least be able to support myself since I would probably be alone / unloveable). I really, really hope OP's sister can get counseling. I honestly think it's helped me a lot. BigShoesScareCat
Don't be cool... be Hot!
When I was in high school a group of guys did a similar thing but someone reported it and the Vice Principle got to the bottom of who made it. It never happened again.
I get that is not the "cool" thing to do, but it is the right thing. This is bullying and objectification. These boys need to learn there is a lot more to women than their looks. Which, btw, are so subjective. Everyone's version of pretty is different, and that may help your sister find some solace. sophisti-kitty
Find her voice!
This happened to me too but with a lot more students. The teachers and staff knew about it but chose to ignore it because it was true and i wasn't a 'cool kid.' My parents said it wasn't a big deal and I CHOSE to not be offended. I turned out fine even if ugly. Maybe the only thing that truly helps is not caring. Help your sister develop real confidence that doesn't depend on anything or anyone else. 2tally2torothrowaway
Just Forget Them!
Yeah, that is ruthless as hell, and needs to be nipped in the bud ASAP by the teachers principles to spare the next child. But, the damage has already been done to OP's sister.
Honestly, the only thing you can really do is be there for your sister. That horrible stuff is something that is not going to be easy for her to get over. It may take a few days for her to want to really do anything, but do whatever you can to be there for her. If she has a hobby or something she enjoys try to keep her engaged in that to keep her mind on positive things.
The only advice I can really give her, and this is coming from someone who has been out of high school for almost 10 years, is to keep your head up and keep working hard. I went to a similarly small-ish school (80 ppl in my class), and was sort of a black sheep. I graduated and moved away and don't really talk to any of them anymore, and I have a great life now. My point is that she's 17 so I assume either Junior/Senior meaning that she's close enough to graduating. Don't let what some idiot classmates say about you destroy your own self image. Push through the last bit of high school. F**k them, show them how successful you can be. It might not be the best advice, but it helped me and that's what I did. I went to college got a degree with engineering while all of them are still living in the same shitty town I left. Sorry for the long rant. fenderc1
Do you know which boys are responsible or have evidence of this list? If so, alert the school immediately, this is terrible bullying. Tttapir
No, my classmate said it was "all the guys" but I imagine they weren't all equally involved, probably some had the idea and organized everything while others just voted. GladBus0
One day she'll understand...
I know you don't want to betray your sister's trust, but I think this is something that your parents should now about. This is an incredibly terrible thing to be dealing with, and while you're obviously a big support for your sister, this is a situation where adult needs to be involved. Tell your parents everything you know, and I am sure that they will take appropriate actions. This is bullying, and needs to be dealt with severely. As for what you can do, please tell her everything you just mentioned in your post. She may not be ready to hear it now, but I'm sure she will appreciate to hear how much you look up to her. Much love to you and your sister. lilygoatgruff
Call Olivia Benson!Giphy
OP: Tell your sister that you love her, and give her a hug, and ask her what she needs.
When she can, I'd ask her to tell your parents so that they can report it to the school, this is absolutely bullying and those boys need to learn that this type of activity is not tolerated.
Finally, keep an eye on your sister over the next couple months. I could easily see something like this turning into an eating disorder, depression, or some other mental type of illness, and if you know what you're looking for, you can help her get the help she might need from a therapist, counselor, teacher, or friend. _shipwrecks
I'm just as disgusted from the boys behavior as everyone else but is it really a good idea, as many here are suggesting, to tell the parents/school and get them disciplined? The only thing I see coming out of this is more retaliation from the boys, we all know word will get around about who told on them and I just see it getting worse for the sister. I mean will discipline stop their behavior? I doubt it.
I'm not saying I have answers, just don't want it to get worse for your sister. ca_work
Let's see the List!
I understand this concern, but the school doesn't have to say how they found out, just that it was reported to them. Any girl on that list, or anyone with a conscience could have told the school administration. No one needs to know who, but it should definitely be dealt with and those responsible should face harsh consequences. I know if I were a teacher or principal at this school I would be furious! This kind of thing scars people for life. BenevolentGodzilla
Keep her Smile...Giphy
This is what I'd worry about too. From a parent's perspective, that would be the most just and right thing to do, but they don't have to live with the direct possible consequences that could have. Even if it stops the bullying out of fear of punishment, that doesn't stop the gossip that will have another chance to be going around. We all know people get even more snarky when they know someone told on them.
That being said, you should go hang out with your sister! Tell her how you look up to her. I might not even bring up what happened at all, she can probably assume you know. Try to get her to smile and laugh and forget about what happened for a second, it will feel good for her to be distracted from it. You two remind me of me and by brother :) Having a sibling you get along with so well is awesome! marycatherine0715
More than just Looks.....
I would knock on her door and see if she is open to talking. If not leave her alone, but if so then go in and tell her all the things you appreciate about her that you mentioned in your post. She is 17... she is probably crying because they said she was the ugliest girl, but she may also be crying for a more subconscious reason. At that age and being a teen girl, sometimes it's hard to separate how attractive you are and self worth. This incident probably made her feel so, so worthless. Sad but reality. Tell her all the things you appreciate about her as a person. Don't mention her looks. Chances are maybe she's ugly. Ok. The message you want to send, which will really be the thing to fix this, is that her worth comes from who she is, and by your description she sounds awesome. ihearthorticulture
Later this won't Matter!
Tell her to be strong and keep her head up. Its through pain and adversity that we develop into better, more resilient forms of ourselves. She sounds like a very kind person, and that will enrich her adult life in so many more ways then being an attractive girl in high school would have the potential too. At 31 years old, one realization I've come to is that high school concerns become things to laugh about later in life. isaystupidthingssrry
The Late Bloom....
I don't really have any advice on how to deal with the emotional side of that, but hopefully she can take solace in knowing that how you are in highschool/when you are young is not always how you will look. I've known a few girls who were not at all good looking who turned into knockouts in their 20's, things really do change and lots of people are late bloomers. Reddit
I'm Sorries are called for...
This is beyond dorky behavior you must inform the school... it's a type of bullying. These type of things can really change a person. Ring the parents of the kids involved demand an apology hold them to account.
If it goes on their academic record it may stop them getting into a good college offer them the option of a sincere apology or you make sure the rest of their school time isn't fun for them. pickelrick_
Time for Mom and Dad....
I think you should tell you parents. This is bullying and not acceptable. The school should figure out who were the instigators of this sick joke and expel them. Banter should be fine and school is a social place too where children learn what is normal and fun behavior and is time for these assholes to suffer some consequences. monster_peanut
Comfort her dude. She sounds like an awesome person. What a bunch of pricks. You could also bring it up to management. Honestly I'm not sure what I would do if I was your sister besides laugh it off and try not to be hurt. But that's very very very very hard. :/ And usually a lie. It almost always hurts. I'm sorry I hope she feels better. ChocPineapple
Never be Typical!
Oh.. I am so sorry.. 20 years ago I had something similar happen to me in high school. I wish I had a loving younger brother as yourself to help me out.. When I was 15-16 I was told to my face i was ugly daily.. These girls would even greet me that way.. I never told anyone. Never reported it. If you decided to tell your parents, good for you. Your sister will always love you even if she will not be pleased at first that mom and dad know about this. If you decided to help her on your own, good for you. I'm sure Google will help you find beautiful, successful people that were not considered the 'typical' beauty in high school. Keep reminding her why she is the best sister, your best friend and ask her what would she do in your shoes. University is around the corner.. It's a new world... Everything will change for the better. Your sister sounds like a wonderful young lady.. Be strong.. Stand by her.. Your parents should be proud of you. dominikka
Kids are just cruel. Parents... that's a fail. What are your thoughts people?
The Mandela effect is when multiple people share the same, incorrect memory.
Its name stems from when paranormal researcher Fiona Broome falsely believed that the future president of South Africa, Nelson Mandela, died in prison in the 1980s.
A false memory she shared with a number of others.
Our memories have been known to deceive us, as we might frequently forget someone's name or one of our numerous online passwords.
But when we share a memory that turns out to be false with many others, convincing ourselves it wasn't the truth can be a very difficult ordeal indeed.
Redditor Mysterious_Boat_1701 was curious to hear people's most unsettling experiences with the Mandela Effect, leading them to ask:
"Which Mandela effect freaks you out the most and why?"
A mysterious gym
"Just had one personally."
"Went to a mall where there was supposedly a gym, asked around and nobody that worked at the mall knew what I was talking about."
"Looked around and couldn't find it."
"Come back a few months later and it’s right there in front of my face, you'd have to be strung out to not notice it."
"idk how or when it just appeared but it freaked me out."- prex320278
A "fruit"ful logo.
"That the fruit of the loom logo never had a cornucopia."
"What’s crazy about that one is that someone emailed the creator of the logo about it and he said even he remembers it having one."- mrcock2·
Less well intentioned than they thought.
"I Mandela effected my whole family once."
"Years ago there was a football player on a rival team that always did a dumb celebration after he got a sack and my family and I always hated it."
"One night after he did it my family started trashing the celebration and I said as a joke 'we are all going to feel terrible when we find out he is doing that celebration as a request from a make-a-wish kid'."
"Fast forward to years later and our team is playing that team again."
"The player got a sack and did the celebration."
"I rolled my eyes and said 'I hate that celebration so much' my mom instantly turned and said 'don't say that, he is doing it for a sick kid'."
"'I actually like it."
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"'No there is no sick kid', my whole family then proceeded to argue with me'."
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'No kid like that ever existed.'
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"Turned out human memory is not near as reliable as we think"
"It was American Football and the player was Jared Allen of the Minnesota Vikings and his cattle roping sack celebration."
"This was maybe 10 years ago."- AUSpartan37College Football Win GIF by Michigan State FootballGiphy
His eyesight was better than we thought.
"Mr. Monopoly's monocle."- Additional_Day9903
It's not easy being green.
"I have a personal one that to this day a decade later still destroys my mind."
"I had an old(ish) 2001 dodge neon."
"With BLACK SEATS.'
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'And the seats are GREEN."
"Not even a little."
'Like very unmistakably GREEN."
"In my black Neon, with black interior, that ALWAYS HAD BLACK SEATS."
"My girlfriend then, wife now, goes oh they've always been green."
"EXCEPT THEY F*CKING WEREN'T DON'T LIE TO ME."
"This is still upsetting to this day..... life is a lie and nothing is real."- ZakuLegionWinona Ryder Omg GIFGiphy
An urban legend was born.
"Not a global one, just a family thing."
"Back in 2002 my grandma had her 60th birthday, my father took us home at 10.00pm, ready for bed."
"We, me and brother, were 12 and 14 at this time."
'All went well."
"Over the years, a story was made up that we went missing after visiting the local playground after dinner at said grandma's birthday party."
"Some neighbors help to search us, the whole train of 'missing children in a smal village'-thing."
"Fun fact: we never went missing."
"Dad brought us home, put on 'Toy Story' on tv and left."
"My brother and I heard first about this in 2015.'
"From different people on different occasions."
"'Ah your one of the missing boys'."
"I first thought they were mocking me for a different event.'
"I got lost, but it was 2013, alcohol inflicted, different story."
"But then they ALL tell us the same story about us going missing."
'And the stories are damn close to 'true' in every story my mum is driving around the same neighbors to different locations to search, old wine yard, old mill etc."
"Sometimes I think I got lost on the most brutal way."
"I was lost and changed this plane of existence with another one."
"It sometimes made me think about my whole life."- tjorben123missing kenny mccormick GIF by South Park Giphy
Memories are a fascinating thing.
They can be changed or altered with even the tiniest suggestion.
And making the truth seem less believable than lies.
One last time. One last meal.
How do you chose a last meal?
Let's hope we never have to find out.
People on death row get that option.
Do they deserve it?
Whose to say?
But they have it.
A steak. A pizza... Burger King.
The food world is their oyster.
Oyster. Also an option.
The menu is endless...
Redditor No-Caterpillar4212 wanted to know what our menu choices would be if we faced the end. They asked:
"You're on a death row, you have one hour left, they ask for your final meal - what is it?"
I'd want 2 hours in a Golden Coral with a bar. Covers it all.
Masailor moon cooking GIFGiphy
"Everything my mom has ever made."
"I want a nice filet mignon, medium rare, a baked potato with everything on it, and a nice Cabernet from a good year - I'm thinking 2135."
"'Sorry, we couldn't get the Cabernet from 2135. So instead of what could have been a great wine request from a more plausible period of time, you get this crappy stuff we sourced from Wal-Mart. Enjoy your meal, I hope that maintaining your sense of humor was worth it."'
"Something badly cooked so I will be sick and want to die sooner and have diarrhea so bad it will be a last revenge!"
"Taco bell it is!"
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The Yuck Factor
"A huge bowl of baked beans, a bowl of shredded wheat, a six egg omelette, and a gallon of apple cider. I'm gonna make it awful for everyone."
"Save yourself the hassle of eating all that, just ask for one pack of sugar free Haribo gummy bears. Should make for an interesting time for the folks watching you die."
"You void your bowels when you die too so that should be lovely."
PerfectFried Chicken Scandal GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy
"Fried chicken with some Fanta."
Fried chicken is on the top of everyone's list!
DetailsInterested GIF by Nick CannonGiphy
"150mg of MDMA. I’m dying happy."
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"McFlurry. Those machine are always broken. I just bought myself some time."
"Is this like an American thing? I worked at a McDonald's in Denmark once and our machine was never once broken when i was there."
"I saw a video about this once. I'm a little fuzzy on the details but I think it has something to do with the contract that was signed in America. Only one company is allowed to do maintenance on the machines and they basically lock out if it's cleaned incorrectly. It's a crap system."
"Cabbage!! Add some cabbage. I don’t know if an hour if enough to take effect but there was an old coworker on a cabbage diet. Omg she smelled, like it was coming out of her pores. She knew she smelled and kept apologizing and reminding us of the diet."
The OG Always
"Olive Garden. Unlimited soup and breadsticks."
"I saw a sketch once, can't remember who it 2qs from. But a an inmate ordered the all you can eat buffet and had been eating for like 8 years. He's constantly on the toilet and takes micro-naps between bites."
"Unlimited for 1 hour. Cool."
How GoldenGolden Girls Dorothy GIF by HULUGiphy
"If my grandma is still alive her potato soup and cheesecake. Hopefully I'd be able to cook said meal with her one last time."
Let's hope none of us has to make this decision.
Most people have friends they've been close to for most of their lives.
But at the same time, friends evolve, and everyone finds themselves losing touch with any number of people they at one point considered their friends over time.
Most of the time, this isn't intentional, but just simply happens.
On rare occasions though, people might realize that their friends were not exactly who they thought they were, and didn't like who they revealed themselves to be.
Redditor One-Refrigerator69 was curious to hear stories of people who realized their friends were not exactly the nicest people to be around, leading them to ask:
"When was the moment you realized that your friends are assholes?"
Compared to others...
"When I started hanging out with better people."- Darklink326
All it took was getting my life together
"When I quit drinking ‘cos it was killing me."
"There were people I literally saw every single day who just disappeared as if by magic."
"12 years ago this week, as it happens."
"I’m not anti-drink, far from it."
"Some people, me included, just can’t enjoy it without it becoming a problem."
"Everyone is different."- bigdaftgeordie
A little perspective goes a long way.
"After I realized that other people don't sh*t on each other on every possible occasion in their circle."
"And that it isn't right when a 'friend' uses every known insecurity as an argument against you when you do not behave the way he/she would want you to."- ViscousPlatemanThe Simpsons GIF by MOODMANGiphy
Lack of respect for other people's things
"I let my friend borrow my ps2 when I went to boot camp."
"When I came back, he said he sold it and gave me $50 I think?"
"This was in 2006."- madmike-86
Lack of mutual respect
"When he does sh*t to me and acts like it’s no big deal, then I do the same back and he gets offended."- Primary-Maybe-2749·
Constantly being taken advantage of.
"They only bothered with me when it suited them."
"I'd rather have nobody than have to deal with that."- zombi33mjhappy eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy
When they literally revealed themselves to be criminals
"When they robbed me at gunpoint."- Ok_Student8032
When they stopped liking them after a change of situation
"Fourth grade, when my parents economical situation went downhill and suddenly no one invited me to their birthday party."
"Until Seven years later no one had never invited me to their birthday, or to anything at all actually."- Justalittletoserious
Not being able to get a word in...
"When they tell me to shut up when I say anything."- the_golden_cheesela respuesta GIF by Becky GGiphy
Violently playing with emotions
"She got a boyfriend and would let him listen to our phone calls and not tell me, even if I was crying about personal stuff that I would only ever tell her."
"Then they both started lying to me about my crush liking me back, forcing both him and me into awkward positions, telling everyone we liked each other so they'd play along, swapping places constantly to make us sit next to each other, pressuring him into giving me a lap dance, making him kiss the prettiest girl in the room, etc, and encouraged me to shoot my shot more and more."
"All the while they knew he didn't like me, he had told them both directly."
"One night I was crying on the phone cause I was so confused why my advances weren't working, and they just kept explaining it away, blaming some other bullsh*t reason and telling me to try again."
"The next day they told me they were laughing throughout the whole call, because I didn't get it and I was so upset."
"I should add I had no dating experience at all and nobody had ever liked me at this point."- Juliemj
It's always sad when our friends disappoint us.
But when our friends proved to be completely different people than we thought they were, it can be devastating.
As the saying goes, one never truly knows who their friends are.
When visiting any foreign country, one should always be familiar with the laws and customs of the land.
After all, what might be generally accepted on your home turf, might be frowned upon, if not illegal, elsewhere.
For that matter, even locals might need a refresher course on what they can and can't do while at home.
A recent Redditor was curious to hear what tourists and locals alike should avoid doing in the USA, leading them to ask:
"In the United States, what should you never do?"
Stay out of the skies!
"Don't fly a drone in Washington, DC."
"The whole D.C. Area is a no fly zone."
"It's a federal offense."
"Just don't do it."- PeytonCarrK
Cops can't be bribed.
"Don't try to bribe cops when you get pulled over."
"I had some Argentinian friends immediately pull out their wallets and start pooling their cash when they got pulled over once.'
"Fortunately someone in the car noticed and told them to put it away immediately."- PeytonCarrK
"Don't pay off the police."
"My dad has friends from several third-world nations where it is common practice to give the police some cash when you are pulled over."
"However, if you try to bribe a police officer here, you'll get into a lot of trouble."- JohnASmiley
Know your rights.
"Everyone, including foreigners, has the right to be silent and have a lawyer when being questioned."
"Don’t say anything."
"Also, even if you speak English fairly well, ask for an interpreter."- WickedLilThing
Enjoy all that nature has to offer... carefully!
"Don't wander off in the national parks."
"It's very real wilderness and you can get lost and die out there."
"This includes going over railings you aren't supposed to, or off trails."
"People have died accidentally falling into a steam geyser that looked like normal water, mauled by animals or left to the elements."- AlphaOhmeganational parks GIF by Visit The USAGiphy
Allow plenty of time!
"Expect consistency at TSA in airports."- WickedLilThing
Some terminology doesn't translate...
"If you’re from England, they’re called cigarettes here."- Yung_Onions
Make sure your license is up to date.
"If you come from a walkable country don’t come here expecting the same."
"There are some areas with good public transportation and bicycle/pedestrian friendly streets but for the most part, especially outside of cities, the areas are designed to accommodate cars more than anything else."
"The reason a lot of Americans drive everywhere is because, depending on where you live, we have no choice."- The_Cars93Dog Driving GIFGiphy
Wait for instructions.
"Get out of your car and approach the cop when being stopped by a cop unless told to."- hildrash
Whether your'e waling down a street in a foreign country, or the street you've lived on for your entire life, it's always wise to be on guard and aware of your surroundings.
Not to mention, obey the law.