Losing your hoodies to your partners is just a fact of relationship life. It's almost a rite of passage, let's be real. This is particularly true for anyone dating a woman. Speaking for womankind, we have no idea why we love hoodies and sweaters so much. We just do. We know it's weird, we know that hoodie doesn't really belong to us - but it belongs with us, ya know? Things between us and hoodies is just something too deep to explain.
One poor soul asked Reddit:
Yeah, the responses pretty much devolved into a support and remembrance group for the millions of hoodies lost each year to wives and girlfriends. RIP hoodie homies. You were loved. Here are some of the more popular responses. And women of the world, if you've adopted a hoodie from an ex please make sure to give it a loving forever home. Hoodies deserve it.
The Only Defenses
The only defense is being single.
Opposite solution. Lean in. Marry them (or at least cohabitate) then you'll always know where they put their clothes.
The Precious
Giphy
It is a war we lost long ago, son.
Be careful, or they'll come for those precious fries of yours, next.
- ionised
The One I Gave You
I give them one. When I get involved with a girl and she starts homing in on my outerwear, I select one I won't miss and offer it to her. That way I can always be like, "Where's the one I gave you?" whenever she asks if she can have one.
Partial Ownership
You can't....part of me thinks I got married just to gain partial ownership of my sweaters back.
Saturation
Saturation.
I have about 20 hoodies. My wife only knows about 15 of them. (I also have some shop hoodies that she won't wear which I don't count). I keep them in the truck, in the garage, at work, at a buddies place, and everywhere in between. Yes I have duplicates. And for gifts I always ask for hoodies. Got about five for Christmas. I also buy my wife hoodies in my size. I loose a lot of hoodies. I just consider them an expendable at this point. The trick is to have so my hoodies that she can't keep track and that way I normally have a hoodie to wear. It's super expensive but it keeps the relationship happy. Oh and as soon as she develops a favorite hoodie I steal that shit and wear it daily just to keep the rotation going.
Your Favorite
The trick is to give her you favorite one and you tell her it's your favorite. Girls always remember stuff like that. She will never lose it. Always take care of it. Plus she will want it to smell like you so she will want you to wear it sometimes. That way you only lose one sweater, and you gain her heart in return.
Gay Gains
Well if you're gay and the guy you're seeing is roughly the same size as you, you actually gain access to more sweaters and hoodies.
Forced At Sweater-point
You don't they look adorable in them and somehow even sexier. (Send help, this message was forced at sweater-point)
AP Biology
Work at a tech company. I gain new hoodies at a faster rate than I lose them. Not sure how a girl manages to continually consume what is ostensibly an infinite supply of hoodies, but my knowledge from AP Biology tells me fungi and other decomposers use them to create the building blocks for new hoodies.
In fact, some mistakes are so astronomical that they're remembered for decades afterwards, leaving the one who made the mistake a legacy of being a dumba**. Here are a few of them!!!
U/ronjans24 asked: What was the biggest mistake in human history?
Some may argue that the existence of the Universe was a mistake. I disagree. It was clearly Zayn leaving One Direction. But these next few were pretty bad too.
If you do the math, this is also the reason why Hentai exists.
I'll say the wrong turn Franz Ferdinand's driver made that went right in front of Gavrilo Princip.
EDIT: yes I'm aware war may still have broken out even if Franz Ferdinand wasn't assassinated
Imagine you're Gavrilo Princip. The assassination plot you and your friends had been cooking up for about the last year or so has been a complete and total disaster, just a monumental f*ck-up of the highest degree. You're staked out at this deli thinking maybe, just maybe the car will pass by, and by some stroke of sheer luck, it does.
If you're Princip, this is nothing short of serendipity.
Petition to return to the ocean.
Ocean Surf GIFGiphy"Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans."
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move." - Douglas Adams
This was, in fact, a monumental mistake.
Sears not beating Amazon to the punch.
Blockbuster not buying Netflix.
You thought THOSE were bad? Well gear up for their next few, because they are 100% accurate. Except the one about Cats, that movie slaps.
I don’t know sports, but sure.
Seahawks not running it.
I used to wear a Seahawks jersey whenever I took a test because I knew I would pass when I shouldn't.
CATS is great, y'all are just boring.
GiphyThe Emoji Movie.
That live action movie about Cats is also up there.
Very fair point.
Social Media.
Humans are not wired to have that many social interactions and maintain that many relationships. Plus the echochambers it allows people to create for themselves, no matter how conspiratorial or vile their beliefs, means that stupid/evil people are no longer shunned into changing their mind.
Not sure it was worth being able to see what a celebrity had for lunch or what new "dance" your younger cousin and her tween friends are doing.
But in all seriousness, some horrible things may now have happened if the right thing was halted at the right time.
Washington called it.
George Washington Disney GIF by Hamilton: An American MusicalGiphyVoting for people based on what side of the political spectrum they're on. George Washington himself advised against political parties because he thought they would cause too much division in this country. Unfortunately for everyone, he was right.
Big oops on that one.
Barack Obama mocking Donald Trump at the Correspondents Dinner might have led directly to his 2016 run....
"Now, I know that he's taken some flak lately, but no one is happier, no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald," Obama said. "And that's because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter — like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?"
Then he turned serious: "But all kidding aside, obviously, we all know about your credentials and breadth of experience. For example — no, seriously, just recently, in an episode of 'Celebrity Apprentice' — at the steakhouse, the men's cooking team did not impress the judges from Omaha Steaks. And there was a lot of blame to go around. But you, Mr. Trump, recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership. And so ultimately, you didn't blame Lil Jon or Meatloaf. You fired Gary Busey. And these are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night. Well handled, sir. Well handled."
This is the best Star Wars and no one can change my mind.
I'll take 'Star Wars Christmas Special' for $100.
That atrocious pile of manure gave us Boba Fett, so without the Christmas Special there won't be The Mandalorian.
Wow, in this article, I openly admitted my love for Cats AND The Star Wars Holiday Special. So maybe my existence was the biggest mistake of all.
ANYWAY, I hope you enjoyed, and I hope you all feel a little bit better about yourself. Because when push comes to shove, at least you didn't accidentally start World War I