There's pretty strong societal pressure that the man is who is supposed to propose in a heterosexual relationship, but sometimes that's not what happens. There are plenty of assertive women who have no problem being the one to bring up the subject of marriage, and the one to propose.
Reddit user u/the_lazy_introvert wanted to know what most guys thought of this situation, so they asked:
My girlfriend didn't so much as propose to me but she gave me a family heirloom ring to wear. Her Aunt on her deathbed gave it to her and said to give it to the man of her dreams but it wasn't her husband at the time. 8 years later she gives it to me and explains why and I got all flustered and finally realized how women feel when they get proposed to ..... spun my head
Pretty good about it I guess because I said yes.
Even better now because 20 years or so later I get to say "hey this was YOUR idea"
Occasionally I give her a hard time about not having gotten me an engagement ring.
Also, about having woken me up at 3 am to ask me because wondering when I was going to get around to asking her was keeping her awake.
As long as it doesn't come with the cliché "propose in a public space full of people so it makes it extra awkward to say no should the need arise" trope, no problem.
I've never understood people who propose without having discussed marriage first. My boyfriend and I have discussed marriage for months. It won't be a surprise when he asks me and he already knows I'm going to say yes.
No offense to anyone who had this happen to them but I would personally say no. I come from a very traditional family and not that my views are right or anything like that but for me personally proposing to my wife was a huge right of passage. The stress, the commitment to buying a ring, the pressure of the actual day I did... I wouldn't throw that away for anything. It was something I've wanted to do since I was a kid. Proposing to my wife was a huge milestone for me and it was something that meant the world to me. I couldn't imagine her proposing to me and never having felt all of that.
Going to go against the norm here and say I wouldn't want it, for two reasons. 1) I've kind of day dreamed about proposals for a long time and the idea of creating this entire treasure hunt or adventure of sorts for someone I really care about seems amazing for me. And 2) I personally don't like surprises too much, and I think a gesture would just be wasted on me. It's always been this way for me for some reason; I love giving gifts on Xmas etc but getting them are far less joyful.
I feel like any relationship where a proposal is coming would be a relationship where both parties are ready for marriage, have discussed it at lengths, and the only real "surprise" is the actual proposal part. I would love to be on the giving end rather than receiving.
I'd be down with it, although unfortunately there's some ridiculous stigma in society today about stuff like this.
I'd be totally comfortable but a lifetime of answering questions like "Why'd it take you so long that she decided to do it instead?" would get old.
If it's any consolation, your wife will be the one getting most of the questions. I proposed to my husband. Half the poeple who find out from me say 'Good for you!' the other half ask 'OMG hy didn't he do it?!?!' 99% of people who find out from him say 'Huh, that's interesting. How did you feel about that?'
No problem with it whatsoever.
My last two girlfriends were actually the one to make the first move and I found it extremely refreshing. Not emasculating or bothersome in the slightest.
Guys are so used to having to put themselves out there and repeatedly getting rejected that having roles reversed is honestly a really nice change.
First, let's get rid of the idea of "popping the question." It's 2019, there should have been discussions that everyone is on board with the marriage before a partner gets on a knee and "officially" asks.
In that case, the girl asking the guy really should be fine and no big deal.
Came to say this. A proposal is archaic as f*ck... you're pressuring your partner into making a major life decision by creating a moment of high social pressure, often in a public space. That's not a good way to make a sound decision. It's more coercion than anything. It should never be a "surprise" that someone loves you.
I've been married for 7 years. We never had a "proposal moment." After living together for 4 years we decided that it was time to go ring shopping, set a budget, and went together.
I'd be cool with it, but that's not what we've talked about. Plus I've ready got a ring and it doesn't fit me.
If you were serious about the ring part, best of luck!
Thanks! It'll either go well or I'm being expertly pranked by my GF. Either way, it'll be exciting.
"Oh, god. You didn't get me a ring, did you?"
(I was proposed-to, and no she didn't)