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Guys Who Don't Usually Open Up About Feelings Confess What's Really Troubling Them

Guys Who Don't Usually Open Up About Feelings Confess What's Really Troubling Them
Image by Victor Vote from Pixabay

Toxic masculinity is justifiably villainized. It is so often the cause of physical abuse against women, problematic behavior in the workplace, powerful men refusing to listen, and a general culture of patriarchal aggression.


Less commonly discussed--but also extremely troublesome--is the way that toxic masculinity actually victimizes the men who perpetrate it.

Too many men do not feel they can safely discuss their internal feelings without losing power, standing, or reputation.

A recent Reddit post aimed to change that in its own small way. Men, empowered by the mask of internet anonymity, were asked to share their biggest difficulties.

BenTennyson2101 asked, "Men of reddit, who are unable to share their emotions with anyone, what would you like to share?"

Left Isolated

"Only one of my friends ever contacts me unprompted, whether it is via text or a quick drop by. I would never hear from the others again if I didn't message or call them first."

"This isn't as bad as some of the others here but it has been bothering me for a long while."

-- DonjonMaester

An Unsustainable Act

"I'm tired of pretending everything is going well. I lost all motivation and drive to do well in life. I keep telling myself it will get better but nothing is going right."

"I just want a hug from someone who really cares about me and tell me everything will be okay. I want to drop out of school so badly to recover but that's not possible. :("

-- Tryingnottokms

Physical Affection that Feels Inaccessible 

"I really want a hug. I haven't been hugged in so long. It would be nice I think." -- Saaacy-K

"i actually sat and thought about it yesterday and i haven't had physical contact with another human (other than perhaps brushing a hand from someone handing me change or rubbing shoulders in the street) for around 3 years" -- Goibhniu_

Looming Things

"I act indifferent and have things under control but in reality I'm terrified of the future. I think about 100 what-if scenario a day. I don't like to talk about myself Cuz I feel like I'm not interesting or people don't care about what I have to say about my life."

"Thank God I have good friends but those things not even them I can share with."

-- Fahad97azawi

A Delicate Ordeal 

"My wife is currently having an emotional affair with a coworker, and shows no remorse. Her family and friends seem to support her. I had some serious anxiety about a year ago for a handful of months, and my wife found someone else during that time."

"My whole world is destroyed. I feel like a loser, I'm too embarrassed to admit it to my friends, and I don't know how I can continue on."

"She starts individual counseling tomorrow, and all I can hope is that she at least realizes how hurtful she has been."

"I can't imagine being with anyone else, but having your wife tell you that she thinks she may be happier with another man just sucks all of your self worth out of you."

-- dontmakemeplaypool

Bad Experiences

"I distance myself from everyone in my life emotionally because the feeling of being vulnerable and truly opening up to people scares the sh** out of me."

"It always seems to come back to bite me in the a** when I leak a little bit too much information because I just want to be alone and forget about everything."

"I wish I could live alone and have very little interactions with everyone, it's always so draining to be around people day in day out with little alone time."

-- rngsofsatrn

Struggling With Step One

"I don't want to accept the fact that I'm depressed because if I do then it'll be harder for me to overcome it" -- plocjohn

Just To Be Affirmed 

"Give us a pat on the back and ask us how we're doing every now and then, as small as it may seem it can mean the world to some." -- JustLeeGuy

"I think society has just accepted the archetype of the silent unsharing male. It doesn't occur to them that we have feelings until we share. It's a vicious cycle." -- TheRealXiaphas

Don't Know Where to Start 

"It's one of those things where you don't know what is wrong with you" -- completeuttera**face

"I'm really hoping therapy will help with this." -- plsacceptmythrowaway

"As a woman, I can't tell you how much it helps to talk things out. Even when you have no idea what to say, just talking about your feelings and having them heard is half the therapy."

"I feel sorry that men have been conditioned to keep their emotions hidden. It's such a sad and lonely way to be. I hope more men feel comfortable talking about their feelings every day." -- KetordinaryDay

Slipping Out of View

"I'm super lonely. I work 50-60 hour weeks because I can't stand to be alone in my empty house."

"Every attempt I've made at a relationship has failed and I'm starting to think I will never find love that goes both ways. My last 'relationship' ended when I found out I was the side guy."

"I don't have any close friends because I can't trust anyone anymore. Every person I try to open up to ends up using it against me in some way. I'm emotionally broken and don't know how to make connections anymore."

-- romadsrevenge

Sometimes Awkwardness is Truly Painful

"That I love my parents but I feel super shy telling them "I love you". That's all." -- umotex12

"I'm not a man but I feel the same way. I'm 21 and my parents are getting on a little bit now. I want them to know how much I love them, but I can't bear the awkwardness of actually saying it because we're not an affectionate family."

"They would think I was dying or something if I just said it out of the blue." -- lizdogga

Mourning At Your Own Pace

"I cry every morning and every night because I miss my step dad so much."

"I cry because I took him for granted and never realized how much I loved him and how happy he made me and how I'll never be able to tell him all these things."

"My mother and sister don't understand my feelings and my brothers make fun of me and bully me saying that at least I had a dad. My friends don't get it either as they've never had this kinda of hurt."

-- TheNerd669

Utter Apathy

"I feel nothing in life, I'm just drifting through each day at the moment - my biggest downfall is that I'm able to convince everyone that I'm fine and act like one of those people everyone assumes is happy, because I'm afraid to talk and feel like a downer to everyone around me."

"I have kids that are amazing and genuinely keep me going, but I hate everything else, I hate my job but it enables me to not do very much and stay at home, and I know I'd hate any job so I have no idea what to do..."

"...I feel like even if I won the lottery I'd just go 'oh cool' because who even cares"

-- crambopolish

Trouble Accessing the Internal 

"I don't even know how to reach out to my emotions except in extreme cases. I refuse to be vulnerable even in front of my partners and I'm unable to understand why."

"This was partly why my relationships have all been utter failures."

"I don't think I'll ever be able feel love."

-- plsacceptmythrowaway

Misunderstood Affection

"I thought I made a good friend. He said he was a hugger and touched me a bunch of times. I touched his back some. He thanked me."

"Then two days later said it was creepy and I couldn't come over anymore."

"Then I made a new xbox friend. Super clingy. Then he got mad at me for some small thing said to a friend and said rude stuff and blocked me on everything."

"I need hugs, touch, loyal guy friends, and not to act like I'm trying to get with you for wanting it."

-- SillyGayBoy

The Rule of Sixes

"... I feel invisible, because I don't have the 6 figure job, 6 pack, I'm not 6 feet tall, and I don't have a phallus longer than 6 inches."

"I haven't contributed anything significant to society and probably never will. I'm one of the ones that will be forgotten. No legacy."

-- joeyswoley

Withdrawing Inward

"My eating disorder has gotten bad again. I'm extremely lonely and isolated. I've lost friends just by being 'independent and confident' and not texting and call first so now I'm nearly alone."

"I'm petrified about the future with a million paths and no direction, and I'm so stressed that I can't get a good pathway started."

"I'm terrified of dating because I still feel extremely insecure about my body. Tonight my first day off in while I woke up jerked off, binge ate junk food threw it up and started drinking and now I'm on reddit so yeah."

"I'm so depressed and anxious I don't know why."

-- Deus-system-failed

The Desire to Dissolve

"I want to be free. I want to be free from nations, systems, norms, and ages. I hate feeling and thinking."

"This is a really beautiful planet but a really sad world."

-- KENPACHI-KANIIN

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

Things People Secretly Love But Would Never Admit To In Public

Reddit user sweet_chick283 asked: 'What do you secretly love that you would never admit to in public?;

Collection of VHS tapes
Bruno Guerrero/Unsplash

What makes us all unique is our passions and the things we love, whether it's singing in the shower, reading books, or listening to specific music artists.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where we are judged for our various tastes and interests thanks to social media, and it makes us consciously selective about sharing the things we love on the internet.

Curious to hear about people's personal desires under anonymity, Redditor sweet_chick283 asked:

"What do you secretly love that you would never admit to in public?"

These aren't really chores for the following Redditors.

Good Clean Fun

"Mopping, im a janitor and generally hate my work... but damn mopping is so good."

– MrDDog06

"When you have a great rhythm going it is something special. I get the same feeling while I vacuum, but won’t let my wife know I enjoy it."

– Bogus_34

Act Of Unwrinkling

"Ironing clothes. A dozen of them. Can’t explain how it relaxes me. I told one person and they looked at me like I’m crazy."

– eerie_white_glow

"My mum misses the days when dad would be out on a Friday night, my brother out with friends and me upstairs quietly playing PS1. She would pour herself a Bacardi & Coke and do the ironing while watching her TV shows."

"I'm sure she doesn't really miss it now that we've moved out and they've retired but it was her wind-down after a busy working week so I can see how people can find it relaxing."

– xdq

Our solo actions can spark joy.

Big Brother Is Watching

"pretending to be on the Truman show and whenever im in my house i act all inconspicuous so they dont know that i know that they’re watching me."

– Bec_121

"C’mon man, you’re not supposed to let him know. You signed a contract when signing up for live views. I’m reporting you."

– doeswaspsmakehoney

The Multi-Tasker

"Playing video games naked at home while eating cheese."

– thickening_agent

Releasing The Kraken

"I love the feeling when you've eaten good fibre and let out a solid long train log in the toilet. That feeling is heavenly."

– therapoootic

"Even better when it’s a clean wipe and not a poo crayon."

– TheWarmestHugz

Ultimate Comfort

"My (male 41) weekend routine is coming home from work, make hot chocolate, start a fire, dress in a ugly pink nightgown made for old ladies and watch forensic files."

– crazyloomis

Some people are obsessed with collecting things.

So Kawai

"Sanrio stationery stores. All those different multicolor pens, a thousand kinds of erasers, spiral bound notebooks galore... my kids sadly have absolutely no appreciation for this wonderland..."

– HavingNotAttained

It's A Staple

"Office supplies have a weird, special place in my heart ever since I was a kid. They don't even have to be 'cute' necessarily."

"Japan's legendary stationery stores is unironically a reason I want to go."

– _CozyLavender_

Not Caring Anymore

"The older I get the shorter that list gets. Not because I love less things, but because I don't care about hiding it."

– Bi-Beast

"YES!! I'm 53 now. I'm working my first job in public since 2006. Today is Halloween and we're allowed to dress up so I am sitting here waiting to go to work dressed as a VERY bad Wednesday Addams. My bf said I'd 'look stupid' because no one else will probably dress up and I'm like, 'WHO CARES!' My makeup looks horrible and not like I practiced, but I DO NOT CARE! I'm having fun with it anyhow and I don't care if my coworkers dress up or not. I'm bein' ME! :)"

– deanie1970

Honorable mentions start here.

The Savior

"Picking up worms from the street and sidewalks when it rains and moving them into the dirt so they don’t burn in the sun, every time it rains I do this."

– sky_kitten89

Hero Of The Moment

"Yoooo I scoot SO many snails and worms. I work as a tech/mechanic at an automotive shop, I had a peoject car towed to my house the other day and it was covered in snails. I saw them when the tow guy/coworker was unloading and I was like, 'oh! It comes with free snails!' and began moving them. He laughed then realized and said, '... Oh, you're serious. Uh... Okay.'"

"I don't care who knows it. These little things barely can look out for themselves, why shouldn't we if we can take a moment to help? I don't care what happens next, it probably doesn't matter overall but I can help this moment."

– chris14020

Why should some of the hidden desires mentioned above have to be secret?

Redditors opening up about some of these would make them a hit at parties–no shaming.

As a matter of fact, I'll totally be down for a Forensic Files viewing party where we all make hot chocolate, light the fireplace, and cozy up together in our respective pink ugly nightgowns for old ladies.

historical reenactors
Sigmund on Unsplash

We've probably all heard some variation of the saying "Truth is stranger than fiction."

Real life isn't just strange, it can also be downright ridiculous.

History is riddled with moments of absurdity.

So ridiculous that people have a hard time believing real life is, well, really real.

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