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Guy's GF Assumed He Was Cheating And Damaged His Career, Now He Wants To Punish Her And We've Got Feelings

Relationships are tough, we all know that. Advancing in your career can be tough too. When those two clash - situations that are already difficult issues get borderline impossible. I'm no relationship or career expert, but it's pretty much accepted wisdom that being petty and playing tit-for-tat games in either situation will get you nowhere. Maybe that's why people were so passionate about how they responded to a late 20's couple whose pettiness was enough to stun even Reddit.

The man was away on business and wasn't very consistent in keeping communication open with his girlfriend. She assumed he was cheating and decided to try to sabotage his job. It failed, but now he wants to punish her by forcing her to cancel a vacation .

Here is his post:

I was abroad for work with minimal access to phone/internet except at the hotel, and she knew that. One night I was out late drinking with colleagues. No funny business was going on, honestly just drinking, having a few laughs and discussing our line of work. Girlfriend assumed I was out cheating, which while incorrect, it's not totally unreasonable to assume either as I'd probably worry too if she didn't contact me frequently if the situation were reversed.Edit: my point is not that I think it's acceptable to assume I was cheating, but just that if she wants to question what I was doing and where I was then I don't think that's a big deal, and I might ask similar questions if the situation were reversed.

Anyway, instead of asking where I was or even making a fight when I got back to the hotel and we skyped, she contacted my employer before I even got a chance to answer. As revenge, she sent a screenshot of a joke I was once made that would be considered by most people as way too offensive to be said (i.e. something politically incorrect).

Note that she was not offended by the joke and even found it funny when I said it a few months ago, but her intention was to harm my reputation. Now she has done permanent damage to my career. I won't be fired, but I work in a tight-knit technical community, and my reputation has been tarnished. Probably a few people would even laugh at this sort of joke, but in the current era it's very taboo.

Otherwise she and I have no problems. I told her there needs to be a consequence if she wants to stay with me. I worked damn hard and made sacrifices to get a PhD in this field, and now there is permanent damage just because of her incorrect assumption, and it's not something like an office job where I can go work somewhere else and be forgotten at the old place. I fully realize that what I said is reprehensible and disgusting for all but 10% of the population who will laugh at any dark joke, but that said, it wasn't her role to betray me over it. I mean if she disagreed with the joke and thinks I'm a scumbag, then yeah ruin my career, but that was not her motivation, she just wrongly thought I was cheating and wanted to do the most effective damage.

She now admits that she was totally in the wrong. I can't just forgive this so easily though, as it is permanent damage and not just something that embarrassed me. In exchange, I made her delete our chatting history on all apps so it can never happen again, and I will be more careful with my words. I have never been the type of asshole guy to ever check her or any ex gf's phone etc, but I have demanded her passwords for all chatting apps to verify that it is deleted so that next fight she can't do the same thing again.

I also told her she should cancel her upcoming vacation with her friend. Note that I stayed around for a week after my work abroad finished, and she also totally ruined my vacation by putting a damper on the mood, so it seems fair. I'm not forcing her to do anything, as she is free to break up with me, and she totally agrees that there needs to be some sort of consequence for what she did. I also offered that she can find another way to "balance" the situation instead of cancelling the trip, but she has not proposed anything.

Am I being too harsh? I am open to suggestions.

tl;dr: Girlfriend wrongly assumed I was cheating and harmed my professional reputation in a major way and ruined my vacation. I cannot just simply forgive it, so I want her to cancel her vacation with a friend as a "punishment". Am I being too harsh?

Yeah, that's a lot to take in. Reddit, in typical Reddit fashion, was not afraid to tell him exactly what they were thinking. Here are some of the top rated comments, edited for language where needed.

Beyond Repair

You don't need to punish her. You need to walk away.

Partners don't seek to hurt their significant others. This relationship is broken beyond repair. There is no getting even, only getting away. If you ever reach a point where you want to "punish" your SO, then the relationship isn't healthy anymore.

- Dolomite808

Marry That Girl

Otherwise she and I have no problems.

Oh, well in that case marry her. Are you out of your mind? She tried to burn your career to the ground and maliciously went behind your back on a hunch. You need to run, not walk, away from this relationship.

And your next move is to "punish" her by telling her to cancel her trip. What kind of vindictive people are you two? Of course you should get married -- oh! and have lots of children that you can punish and torture! WOW. *note: this is sarcasm.

- substiccount

Neither Are Stable

Neither of you sound totally stable, if I'm being perfectly honest. Yeah, what she did was insane, but from the other information in your post, it sounds like there's weird power dynamic going on that allows the use of 'punishment', which pretty much guarantees a sh*tstorm of a relationship.

At first I was like "Ok, ok, that's bad of her" but then all that other stuff... Demanding she delete all the chat logs and giving him complete access to everything "to confirm". Taking away her vacation. Dude.

I'm willing to bet that "joke" was more just cruelty they both enjoy engaging in because they're both trash people.

- purplesez

Fruitloops and Crunchberries

I also told her she should cancel her upcoming vacation with her friend.

Your reaction to this is super f*cking weird. She's not your child, she's supposed to be your partner, your equal.

She's clearly a fruitloop and you need to break up! In my opinion, she would still have been out of order even if you WERE cheating. This is your career. Your life's work. And she tried to ruin it. She's toxic and if she didn't ruin your life with this, she'll try to ruin it some other way.

She's a fruitloop, but homeboy you're definitely a crunchberry. Seems you're are evenly matched, to be honest.

- cupsandmugs555

How Old? 

This is another for the "you two are HOW old?" file.

But since you asked, I'll add my two cents. This relationship is horrifying on many levels.

1.) I can only imagine what your daily life is like if a few hours of not texting her results in your girlfriend believing you are cheating and you thinking its totally normal for her to think that.

2.)The fact that the word "punishment" is even being used in a serious context here is appalling.

3.)How about instead of deleting apps and forcing her to give you passwords you just don't say bigoted/sexist/perverse/racist/whatever things about whoever you insulted and belittled with your "joke?"

I would end this relationship and start working on learning to be a mature adult before trying to have a grown up relationship with someone.

- DanielsMuse527

Stay Together For Everyone Else's Sake

Don't break up. She was immature and cruel, and you are hell bent on being immature and cruel in response instead of walking away. If y'all stay together you can't inflict this insane toxicity on other people.

- I-go-to-bed-at-9

Vengeance Is Not Healthy

I haven't seen anyone else point this out - if you're so concerned about your reputation...once your gf tells her friend why she's canceling, that friend is going to have to scramble to find a replacement. Which means the friend is going to have to tell this story to a bunch of people.

All the assumptions people are making about you on this post that you don't like? Those are the same assumptions the people who know you in reality are going to make.

This is a two-wrongs-don't-make-a-right situation. What your gf did is super messed up. You should either break up with her (which is totally justified! I'm not defending what she did) or go to couple's therapy. This vengeance thing is not healthy and it's going to hurt you both in the long run.

- helloiamarobot

You Are Not Her Parent

Okay, what the f*ck. First of all, it is not within your right to punish her. You are not her parent. I will repeat: you are not her parent. You are her partner. You two are supposed to be equals and treat each other with respect and not set out to hurt each other intentionally.

What she did was awful, reactive, and petty. So - BREAK UP. You are not any better than her by reacting in the way that you are. You are being just as awful and reactive and petty.

BOTH OF YOU are immature and have major issues with trust, respect, and boundaries. This is a TOXIC relationship. End it now and both of you need some therapy and growing up.

And just as a side note, if it offends 90% of people - IT'S NOT FUNNY. Don't make jokes that are racist, homophobic, sexist, etc. Then you won't have to worry about anything like this ever happening. Because now if your coworkers see you in a bad light because of it... well, you kind of earned this reputation by being the kind of person that makes those jokes to begin with. Now they just know about it.

- sleepis4theweakkk


OP come on. Time to be an adult. Read your own post. You don't punish a partner. You either hold them to boundaries or you leave. It isn't that you're being harsh. It's that you're being juvenile.

This partner is reactive, illogical and petty. That won't magically go away. And what I think is problematic?? She isn't at all deserving of niceties right now but you appear to be very willing to leverage her major misstep as a way to get this relationship more in your favor. The talk of consequence and punishment is telling. Boundaries make sense. Punishment doesn't. Don't fall into that trap where you feel like you've got control just because she messed up badly. It's broken. It's done. It is time to move on.

- ladyughsalot

Insane And Trashy

Dude, stop with the punishment. Just break up with her. You both sound immature and vindictive.

I agree that what she did to you was terrible, but if you are going to stay with her after that, you need to move on. This idea that you need to get back at her if you are to stay with her is unbecoming of somebody who is 29 years old with a PhD. The fact that you are seeking to hurt her in response is pretty disturbing. This relationship sounds toxic.

You know what actually? Maybe you two do deserve each other because you both sound insane and trashy. But, hey, what do I know?

- invaded_by_mother


I am hardly behind these "don't walk run" pieces of advice, but I am right on top of this. As a 25 year old woman, with a professional husband (attorney 29) there is no coming back from this even if your job/reputation remained intact.

There is no justification for this as an adult human being. No amount of anger or even deserved "payback" should equate to this level of fuckery. She needs to work on herself, and you don't deserve her— she is and will continue to be a disservice to your entire life (emotionally financially, mentally,maturity, happiness, morale, etc...

seriously I couldn't have said it better. And I literally LOLd at, "oh well in that case marry her. are you out of your mind?!" You sound like a rational guy, so take our advice bc you are seeing this entire thing through rose colored glasses. The only "consequence" to come from staying together, will be your own. Don't fool yourself, she screwed up and it sucks— but this is your life...and she just isn't ready to be in an adult relationship.


H/T: Reddit

People Reveal Which Non-Horror Movies Absolutely Traumatized Them As A Kid

Reddit user alina_love_ asked: 'What's a non horror movie that traumatized you as a kid?'

No matter how long ago we saw it, there are some scenes or images from movies that still send shivers down our spine or keep us awake at night to this very day.

Pennywise appearing in the sewer in It, Janet Leigh surprised in the shower in Psycho, Freddy Kreuger's tongue popping out of the telephone in A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Of course, some of the scariest, most disturbing, or most emotionally traumatizing scenes from films might have been featured in films outside of the horror genre.

Even more shockingly, some of these films were primarily marketed towards children!

Redditor alina_love was curious to hear which non-horror films the Reddit community saw as children still send shivers down their spines today, leading them to ask:

"What's a non horror movie that traumatized you as a kid?"

It Was Tim Burton, After All...

"'Pee Wee's big adventure'."

"Large Marge scared the crap out of little me."

"I was even scared of the fortune teller."- BlueStarrSilver·

With A Title Like "Temple Of Doom"...

"'Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom'."

"The scene where the guy gets his heart ripped out traumatized me for years."- Pbhf

That Funeral Scene Though...

"'My Girl'."

"Fear of death, fear of losing a friend, fear of bees, fear of puberty."- heidismiles

macaulay culkin kiss GIFGiphy

Jurassic Park's Got Nothing On This...

"'The Land Before Time'."

"Watching Little Foot’s mother die was awful."- HourglassSass

He'll Always Regret Not Bringing Her To The Museum...

"'Bridge to Terabithia'."- jumpstart-the-end

"Everything goes so well and it falls apart SO FAST and your left absolutely traumatized."- VortexDestroyer99

The Reason People Hold On To Their Appliances For As Long As They Do...

"The Brave Little Toaster'."- Catgurl

"The junkyard scene alone was responsible for so many nightmares."- ManChildMusician

brave little toaster animation GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphy

And Let's Not Forget The Coachman's Smile...

"Disney’s version of 'Pinocchio'."

"The scene where kids are turned into donkeys and kept on the island and then resold was f*cking weird."

"You felt bad for that bully kid after he looked sad and nobody understood what he said because he was a donkey."- earnestlikehemingway

Few Things More Sad And Scary Than Deforestation

"'Ferngully: The Last Rainforest'."

"That evil tree scared me so bad."- slutsdotnet

Anything But "Truly Scrumptious"...

"The 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' Childcatcher guy!"

"I'm still scared of him!"- Jet_Maypen

child GIFGiphy

Offing Children One By One...In A Children's Movie!

"'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' boat scene."

"Honorable mention of claustrophobia when Augustus gets stuck in the chocolate tube."

"UGH!"- looseseal-bluth

At Least We Know He Had A "Sole"...

"Who Framed Roger Rabbit."

"That poor shoe….."- dalalice5555

At Least The Song Is Catchy...

"Neverending Story."

"Not even Artax, which was awful, but the Rockbiter and his good strong hands."- marxychick1

Neverending Story 80S GIFGiphy

Dorothy Gettying Electro Shock Therapy Says it All...

"Return to Oz."- Jeff_Steelflexx

"Horrifying! What about the animated wig heads?"- weensfordayz

The Reigning King Of Childhood Trauma

"Old Yeller."- IceTech59

"I remember watching this on TV during, I think, Wonderful World of Disney (Sunday nights were Disney night on TV)."

"Cried and cried and cried."

"I've never been able to watch it again and I've never shown it to my kids!"- crowwitch

Not All Friendships Are Tenable... A Terrifying Thought

"'The Fox and the Hound'."

"Still makes me incredibly sad, lol."- mental_reincarnation

best friends friendship GIFGiphy

Sometimes, writers and filmmakers simply overestimate what might go over a child's head.

Or, for that matter, they might underestimate their emotional capacity.

Regardless, ask any of Fairuza Balk's fans which is scarier, Return to Oz or The Craft, and their answer will be immediate...

(... and it won't be The Craft...)

Close-up of a man wildly smiling with his face painted like the joker
Photo by Mihail Tregubov

Sometimes it's fun to toy with someone.

Especially if it's an enemy or a loved one who simply deserves a good ribbing.

Some cryptic sentences can send anyone into a tailspin.

And oh the fun that can be had.

You have to be as vague as possible and as sincere.

You have to sell the sincerity. That's vital!

And then just watch them implode.

Redditor theary18 wanted to hear about the most creative ways to throw somebody off their game, so they asked:

"What is the best thing to say to someone to subtly f**k with their head?"

I love to come up behind someone and say "I can't believe they would treat you this way. I got you girl!"

Then I scurry away.


It's YOU!

For Me GIF by Liz HuettGiphy

"Just tack on the phrase 'given your history' to any question you ask someone."

"Are you sure you want another drink? Given your history?"

"Do you mind driving? Given your history?"


Mean Kids...

"I moved to my elementary school in the 5th grade. Mid-year, a boy came up to me and said, 'I really thought you were gonna be somebody.' I'm now 45 and I'm still like, what the f**k was he talking about?"


"Likely something they heard a parent say to someone. Kids love to repeat the dumb stuff you say the next day at school."


"All jokes aside he probably thought you were someone else. I've done the same things countless times and it's happened to me a few."


"I would interpret this as this kid hearing there's gonna be a 'new kid' and then their imagination ran wild as to who this new star is going to be, that it will be like in some kid movie or something, but you turned out to be just another kid student."


I Like You

"I don't get why other people don't like you."


"Another variant is..."

"I don’t care what everyone else is saying. I think you’re great!"

"They’ll take it as a compliment at first but then they’ll think about it and it’ll eat away at them."


"A guy I work with says this time to me every time I help him 'I don’t care what everyone else says about you you’re alright. Literally everyone else. We did a poll.' XD guy says some crazy s**t. When he started he tried to convince us he was a flat earther. He just likes fucking with people."



“'I heard about you.'"


"Whenever I hear this I always respond with 'if it’s all good, it’s all lies.' Usually shows my sense of humor and if it is bad things they heard it usually lightens the mood."


"Years ago I worked at a cafe and function venue which was sold after a few years to a new catering company. The first time I met the new restaurant manager I introduced myself and she exclaimed 'Oh, you’re winoforever!' and I was a bit weirded out. Then not long later I met the new owner and she also said 'Oh, you’re winoforever!' I still wonder twenty years later what they’d both heard about me."



Drunk Party Girl GIFGiphy

"Go up to someone at a party and say: 'I just want you to know that personally, I have no problem with you being here.'"


"I once got drunk and effectively said that to a girl at a wedding. 'I don't care what everyone else thinks, I always liked you' or something like that."


Parties are the perfect setting for these shenanigans.

Especially with the drinkers.

But get them at least semi-sober.

I got You

Okaay What GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy

"If you are chatting with someone and another person walks up look at them and say 'I just want you to know that I was defending you' then turn and walk off. It's a good 2fer."



"'We know, but don't worry, we'll keep it a secret.'"


"A friend in high school (actually still a current friend) said something similar to me and it definitely f**ked with my head. 'You know you're not fooling anyone, right?' He wouldn't elaborate and it took me the rest of the day to figure out he was f**king with me. As a guy with imposter syndrome, especially as a teen, that had me turned for a bit."


You Again

"If it’s someone you interact with repeatedly, always introduce yourself as if you’ve never met before."


"I keep doing this to a guy I see very occasionally. He's a friend of my sister-in-law, but I've introduced myself to him at least four times. Right now, I'm trying to picture his face and I totally can't, so if I see him again, I'll introduce myself again. He remembers me though. And I don't have this issue with anyone else, I just can't remember this guy's face for some reason."


Big Mouth

"You really need to brush your teeth."


"Somebody jokingly left a message on the 'tip' line that said 'Take a breath mint.'"

"I'm like 90% sure it was just the first thing that came to his head but it f**ked with me for weeks. I was self-conscious when talking to people, being close to them with my mouth open, and I'd constantly be brushing longer/harder taking mouthwash a couple extra times a day, and using mints."


Head Issues

Think About It GIF by IdentityGiphy

"Give all your friends a few dollars to compliment their hat if they’re not wearing one. When 50 people insist you’re wearing a hat, you start to think you’re wearing a hat. It will drive them insane."


Hats off for that last one. That's harmless but devious.

Do you have any tips to add? Let us know in the comments below.

laughing woman wearing pink sweater
Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

Societal pressures shape how people act most of the time, but every now and then someone comes along who doesn't care what other people think.

They do what they want, when they want without guilt or remorse.

According to President Theodore Roosevelt:

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."

Much less rare are the times when otherwise conscientious people decide to throw caution to the wind. Almost everyone had at least one moment in life when they decide to go for it.

Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead, right?

How things turn out after such a decision can make for some interesting stories.

Keep reading...Show less
Couple laughing
Photo by Devon Divine on Unsplash

Part of the fun of dating and being in a relationship are the unexpected, impulsive moments.

What's funny is how these could be equally arousing moments, too, even if they're moments that we never expected to make us feel that way.

Redditor thann3 asked:

"What is the weirdest thing your partner did that turned you on?"

Backing Up

"When he backs into a parking spot, he puts his right hand on the back of my seat when he looks behind him."

"Hnnnngggggghhh. Gets me going and I don't know why."

- evilpinkmoney

"Every time someone mentions this, I am reminded of the time I did it and accidentally backhanded this girl in the face."

- kingoflint282

That Reading Voice

"In high school, this girl had a soothing voice. Every time she read out loud, I had goosebumps and she gave me butterflies."

- donbruh

Overwhelmingly Happy

"I can’t think of anything weird my husband did, but the first night of our honeymoon, we were talking about the wedding and our future, and I started crying because I was so happy (and told him that’s why I was crying)."

"He was smiling and gave me a kiss and then whispered, 'I don’t know why, but you crying just now turned me on.'"

"Lol (laughing out loud), it didn’t turn me on, but it did make me laugh, and I thought it was weird-cute."

- snarkylarkie

Safety First

"On the first date, he put my seatbelt on. It surprised me because I heard of men opening doors for their dates but not putting their seatbelt on. It just showed a very caring yet masculine side of him."

"The tension of knowing we wanted of each other but agreed to take it slow just made me go feral in my head."

"A year and a half later, he still does it to this day. He even gets 'mad' when I don't let him. I still blush when he does it, especially when other people are in the car with us."

- eeeeriemarie

Certain Accessories

"It wasn't my girlfriend, but over a Skype call maybe a decade ago when I was a teenager, I was on a call with a female friend I had the hots for."

"I casually mentioned that I had a thing for girls in glasses."

"She gasped, told me to wait there, and scurried downstairs. About 20 seconds later, she rushed back up, jumped onto her bed with her jaw resting on her fists, and low and behold, she was wearing glasses."

"We laughed, I didn't know what to say, but that was the cutest and sexiest way of letting me know she liked me."

- GemoDorgon

Good Chemistry

"I know it sounds weird, but her breath is intoxicating. It’s naturally somewhat sweet, and of course, she thinks I’m crazy."

"Edit: We know it’s not diabetes, ketosis, or any other medical issue. We’ve been together for over 30 years and it’s just good chemistry."

- yoooozername

That Deep Stare

"An ex-girlfriend of mine looked at me in a certain way every now and again that just did something to me, like a bit of a stare deep into my soul knowing she wants all of me. Every day I hope someone will recreate and enhance it."

- SamCham10

The Perfect Sweater

"When she wears THAT sweater, I'm powerless."

- wastedmytwenties

"Can someone link a pic of this type of sweater? Asking for a friend."

- schnaizer91

The Sleeve Roll Trick

"My boyfriend rolled up his sleeves kind of slowly the other day, and I felt like I couldn’t hear anything for like a solid minute, lollllll (laughing out loud)."

- farrah_barra

The Corniest Jokes

"This man will make the corniest joke in the whole world, and then his whole face lights up as he giggles at it. Gets me every time."

- Hobbbitttuallly

The Perfect Wine Pour

"We had our honeymoon in Italy and he noticed the waitstaff poured wine really beautifully, so he replicated it. Now I have him pour all my drinks for me."

"For some reason, the way his wrist moves when he pours really gets me going."

- chicken-and-awfuls

Specific Arm Movements

"Two things."

"When he's working on something mechanical and he starts getting serious, he'll flip his cap backward. It's an absent-minded thing and F**K is it sexy. And when he's working overhead, the way his arms flex. Watching him lift things into our attic is an instant turn-on. It's f**king weird, but godD**N does it do it for me."

"Also when I wear something sexy or low cut and he's not expecting it, he'll stutter if he's mid-sentence. We'll be talking from another room for instance, and I'll toss on a revealing shirt and walk in there and he'll lose his train of thought. Or shake his head like he needs to clear it. Your man making you feel sexy is the ultimate sexy move."

- shimmydownnow

Love Language: Physical Touch

"It's the gentle physical touch in public. That little 'Love you' touch as they scurry away to do a thing. Those random touches turn me on so quickly."

- 1beeratatime

Totally Saved It

"He fixed the shower in my truly horrible, low-rent grad school apartment and changed the oil on my car. Not sure why, but that just did things to me."

"If you were to ask my husband, self-deprecating humor would probably be his answer."

"On our first date, he and I went to see this stage production of 'Jekyll and Hyde.' At the bar, they were selling these cute little shots of Bailey's/Kahlua, with each liquor on separate sides of the glass. Me, being incredibly graceful in all things always, completely dumped the Bailey's half onto my blouse."

"His eyes got all big, not sure how to react, and I just sighed, turned to him, and reintroduced myself like, 'Hi, I'm (my name). This kind of thing happens a lot.'"

"He busted up laughing, I ordered a scotch, and we've been together for the past 11 years."

- anyesuki

Simply Existing

"Exist. My girlfriend could literally just stand there and I could and would get a chill down my spine."

- andytheloser12

While we were expecting these responses to be, well, weird, most of these were actually pretty cute or heartwarming.

Sometimes when it comes to relationships and intimacy, something can feel weird simply because it's unexpected, but maybe the unexpected moments are among the best parts of the relationship!