Guy's Fiance Admits She'd Leave If Her Ex-Soulmate Returned, And She Said That's "Normal"
What does a soulmate encapsulate? Are they truly your ideal person? Or is that putting someone in a category they can't fulfill....and then why would you wave them in front of your spouse?
u/throwaway77636676 told us his story:
My[30/M] fiance[29/F] told me that she would leave me for her soulmate and that it is normal of couples to have this agreement.
My fiance dated a guy before me that she was incredibly in love with. I knew she was into him, but they dated for 2 years, and we have been together for 4 years. He ended it because he wasn't ready for commitment, according to her. We've been engaged since July, with the wedding set for next September.
Over the Christmas holidays she told me that since we are getting married, we need to be open and honest with each other, which I have been about my whole life, and I thought she had.
Come to find out she considers her ex to be soulmate and if he asked, she would go back. She said this is normal for most couples to have an arrangement like this, and that he may never say anything. If that is the case, she loves me and wants a life and a family with me. I got upset and said why are you with me then, and she told me to calm down, that everyone settles. She said she will always love me, but this is just the way things are.
I've been avoiding her for days now. I am incredibly hurt, I thought she wanted to spend her life with me, but now it is with an asterisks.
Am I overreacting, like she says? Is it normal for people to have this type of situation?
tl;dr: Fiance said she is soulmates with her ex and would leave me if he asked, said this is normal for most couples.
Here was some of the advice Reddit gave him.
One
GiphyI believe this is just one of those things where you say "welp..." , and start canceling the wedding invitations. Most issues can be worked through in a relationship, but this isn't an issue, it's a fact; you will always be her participation trophy, and she will always wish you were her first choice.
Two
GiphyThis is definitely not a normal thing. The fact that she would leave if he asked her and not think twice is very concerning because what if he does ask? What if the day before you're wedding he says to her, "I'm sorry for leaving you and I can't imagine my life without you. Would you run away with me?" If her answer is yes (which it sounds like it would be) then save your wallet now and get out while you still can. I understand that various wedding-related deposits have already been made but loosing a little bit money (in the long run) will save you years of headache and heartbreak.
I'm currently engaged (30/M) and if my fiance (28/F) ever said that she'd leave me for her ex-boyfriend if he asked her too I'd tell her to hit the bricks and go shack up with him because she clearly doesn't want to be with me but rather has settled to being with me. That's not what marriage is all about.
Four
GiphyShe said this is normal for most couples to have an arrangement like this, and that he may never say anything.
Er, no. First I've heard, and I've been around. This is no way even approaching normal. She is bullsh*tting you here.
So, she has stated, absolutely clearly and honestly : "Honey, you are my second choice. My consolation prize. Not great, but you'll do."
I'm guessing you aren't too thrilled to be the backup plan, the spare tyre.
I mean, props to her for coming out with it, when she could have kept silent. But I think that is a deal breaker. At least put the wedding on hold.
Five
GiphyIts not normal for an SO to say she will leave over the idea of a soulmate. Basically, shes warned you that if she can do better than you she will drop you immediately.
Get some self respect, find someone who wont leave over a "soulmate", which is really just hollywood bullsh*t.
Six
GiphyOn the bright side, at least she did own up to it, and not at the last minute, but way, way ahead of time. She may say she thinks it's normal, but the fact she brought it up this way makes me think some part of her knows it's not, and wanted to give OP a fair chance to dodge the bullet. She may even be subconsciously sabotaging the relationship because she realizes she's not as committed as she should be for marriage.
It really sucks that this didn't come up until so late in the relationship that they were engaged, but it's still so, so much better than it could have been. I just hope OP takes advantage of this amazing opportunity to GTFO of a broken relationship.
Seven
GiphyShe said this is normal for most couples to have an arrangement like this,
No. No. No. No
Yeah, I have never heard of a couple having such an arrangement. I am sure there are people that adhere to it, but they probably are not dumb enough to tell their partner.
You marry someone you WANT to be with, not someone you are stuck with. You deserve to have someone as dedicated to you, as she is to her ex.
If that is the case, she loves me and wants a life and a family with me.
and what, if her ex says he is ready, leaves you and the kid?
I got upset and said why are you with me then, and she told me to calm down, that everyone settles. She said she will always love me, but this is just the way things are.
A lot of people do settle, and that is why divorce rates are high in developed countries. Don't settle, it will only lead to divorce, or cheating, or resent, and then divorce anyways.
Don't have kids with this woman, and you shouldn't marry her.
Also, the idea of a soulmate is pretty damaging to peoples ideals about relationships. I don't believe in it at all. I do believe in a compatibility bell curve, but that is just a stat thing. Two people destined for each other, tied up by a soul? na.
Eight
Giphyeveryone settles
Wtf? No. Everyone does not settle. Those who do, regret it.
You are her second best, her safe bet and she is using you.
You need to let her go back to her so called soulmate so you can find yours. You should absolutely not settle for someone who does not put you first and is pining for someone else. Please have more respect for yourself, you should never be your wife's second choice.
Nine
GiphyYou're fiance basically literally told you she's just settling for you, that has to hurt like hell. This is one of the more idiotic requests I've heard of. No couple does this. And who defines her soul mate? I'm assuming her? Shes basically saying she will leave you the moment she finds someone "better". I would not marry someone with her mindset. Oh and soulmates only exist in the movies which it appears she's watched way to many of.
Ten
GiphyNever be someone's second choice OP. This is not normal in relationships. You deserve an SO who thinks the sun shines out of your *ss, not someone who'd leave you in a heartbeat for their ex. This is a huge deal, and imo, a dealbreaker personally. Your smartest move would be to just end the relationship and move on. I'm not sure how to resolve this situation any other way with the least amount of pain.
Eleven
You owe it to yourself to cut that snake loose. If she loves someone else that's not normal - at least she had the courage to let you know you are second in her life.
Hope you are okay through whatever comes next.
Twelve
"Not everyone settles, and even those that do settle do not do so with a prearrangement that divorce is ok in order to pursue a specific someone.
I feel incredibly betrayed that you would use me as a placewarmer for someone that you never got over. If he is your true love, then by all means wait for him, but I will not build my life, my family, my children's happiness around you-- only to have you destroy it all for the sake of another.
Thank you for being honest with me about your intentions. I wish you had been sooner. This relationship is over."
[username deleted]
Thirteen
GiphyOP do you have severe self esteem issues? I only ask because anyone with a healthy opinion of themselves would not stand for this. Your fiancee does not love you and has told you this to your face. Love is not "I love you but I love this other guy more". That is her using you for your money, reliability and security. She does not consider you to be an important person in her life. You are not her priority. You will never be her priority. She doesn't care how you feel. She doesn't care about you.
If ever her ex feels like a booty call, she will cheat on you. If she finds someone she thinks is better than you, she will cheat on you. When she gets bored of you, she will cheat on you. She has probably already cheated on you if she's been in contact with her ex at all.
When she divorces you (and eventually she will) she'll take half your shit and probably your kids too, if you're stupid enough to have kids with her. If you stay with this selfish monster, she will break you and waste the best years of your life.
You know what you have to do. Do it to save your own future. Cut off contact and ignore her calls, texts, and emails. This woman does not deserve one minute more of your time.
Fourteen
The woman you are about to married flat out told you, you're number 2 and will always be her number 2. Irregardless if you buy her a mansion, gives her security, a happy family with 10 kids, you will never be her "soulmate" because despite all that, she'd drop everything in a heartbeat for her ex.
I'd cancel all wedding plans, tell her to calm her t*ts and said you just lost your soulmate.
Fifteen
Little bit of a different perspective on this.
Yes some people settle. They can live happy, fulfilling lives. Hell, people live happy fulfilling lives after arranged marriages where they didn't even know their SO before marriage. Happens all the time, definitely possible.
It's giving up that flaming love in the short term for the stability of normal, decent human being. It can be a normal, mature decision.
However, leaving if the ex asks is NOT part of the equation. That's the whole point of settling.
What your fiancee is saying is so utterly immature and divorced from reality, it's really stunning. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
The fact that she would even say this would make me question everything about her.
Sixteen
GiphyHonestly your fiancé needs some serious psychotherapy. Her thought process is seriously flawed. I don't even know how you can even look at this woman after what she has said to you. She does not love you. Like she said she is settling for you. I just got married in May. If my then fiancé said what she said I would have ended it right then and there. These arrangements she speaks of do not exist.
Easter eggs are those brightly colored festive decorations and treats hidden for the Spring holiday.
Right?
Well, yes, but they aren't just that.
According to the dictionary, an Easter egg is also:
- in digital technology, an extra feature, as a message or video, hidden in a software program, video game, DVD, etc., and revealed as by an obscure sequence of keystrokes or commands
- in movies and television, a hidden message, as a cryptic reference, iconic image, or inside joke, that fans are intended to discover in a television show or movie
Redditor akumamatata8080 was referring to those alternate definitions when they asked:
"What was the best 'Easter Egg' you’ve found in any show, movie, video game, etc...?"
Ringu (The Ring)
"Within the DVD menu of 'The Ring' you can watch the cursed video footage."
"The best partwas that it disables the DVD controls, forcing you watch the footage."
"(But I guess you could yank the power or shut off the tv...)"
- Gelgoogilly
"Better/worse, if you do watch it then the DVD menu will also play the sound of a ringing phone right after you've finished watching it."
- res30stupid
GiphyBeetlejuice, Beetlejuice, ...
"Community. They mention Beetlejuice and on the third time he actually walks by in the background."
- Scofish91
"Might i add they say beettlejucie over several seasons. Then yes the third time he can be seen in the background"
- Nothingspecial2do
Batmobile
"In The Dark Knight, Bruce Wayne drives a Lamborghini Murcielago."
"Murcielago is the Spanish word for bat. He was driving a batmobile the whole time."
- Goatmanthealien
Duke Nukem
"I was young but the original Duke Nukem 3D had a secret where you found the guy from Doom impaled on a spike and Duke quips 'Damn, that’s one doomed space marine' - young me thought that was the most clever thing ever"
- PVGames
"All the YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE messages in hidden areas were great, too."
- GatoradeNipples
Adventure Time
"I've had a lot of fun finding the little snail that waves to you from every episode of Adventure Time."
- Level238
Metal Gear Solid 3
"In Metal Gear Solid 3 you can kill a guard in a certain area with vultures, after which a vulture may start eating him - and then you can kill and eat the vulture yourself."
"After this there's a boss fight against The Sorrow who forces you to walk past all the people you've killed throughout the game, one of them being that guard who repeats over and over 'you ate me, ate me, ate me'"
- bawdeagle
"My favorite one is also in MGS3. If you get captured by The End you are put in a jail cell. If you save and quit the game there and then load it again, a completely different game called Guy Savage will load up. You play it for a few minutes and it eventually stops with Big Boss waking up from his nightmare."
"This happened to me the first time I played it and it confused the hell out of me. I thought I put the wrong disc in the PS2, and then thought 'Wait, no, I just loaded the game... What the hell is this??'"
- sumgine
So Much Monty Python
"Found Holy Hand Grenade from Monty Python and the Holy Grail in Fallout"
- snoodletuber
"In witcher 3 you come across the entrance to a cave littered with bones and body parts covered in blood."
"And a cute little White bunny outside."
- Kriss3d
"Wasn't also a holy hand grenade in Worms? I always thought it was a reference to Monty Python as well"
- cabezaneitor
"Yeah, sings "hallelujah" and then a big explosion. Spent so many hours blowing up my friends with that."
- copuncle
"In Fallout 2 I'm pretty sure there's an encounter with the bridgekeeper"
- Overlord3456
Borderlands
"I always found the Minecraft easter egg in Borderlands 2 pretty cool. They added Creepers as an enemy to fight and they all had a chance to drop special minecraft themed guns and cosmetics. IIRC there was a shotgun that shot the minecraft fire "block" in a 3x3 pattern and a sniper that just shot minecraft arrows."
- Blackstone611
Doctor Who
"Doctor Who: in episode "Face the Raven", there is text on a wall written in Aurebesh, the lettering system from the Star Wars universe. When translated into the Roman alphabet, the text spells "Delorean", the model of car famously used as the time machine in Back to the Future. These two worlds represent time and space, the fundamentals of Doctor Who."
- LR-II
Jungle Book
"In the live action version of 'The Jungle Book', Mowgli enters the hall of King Louie and is amazed at the heaps of trinkets the monkeys have been stealing from the man villages. He casually picks up the top item from a heap - a cowbell - looks it over, and puts it back."
"King Louie was voiced by Christopher Walken."
The funny part is that I didn't even notice until my 8 year old son, upon hearing the name of the voice actor, remarked, 'oh, the cowbell guy?'"
- I_Byte
Uncharted
"Hotel Guest: (on seeing Nate and Chloe coming out of the ocean) Whoa! What the hell happened to you two?"
"Nathan Drake: Fell out of a car that fell out of a plane."
"Hotel Guest: Huh. You know something like that happened to me once."
"The hotel guest was Nolan North. The voice of Nathan Drake in the Uncharted video game series."
- RJD1977
Friends
"It’s not exactly the most creative or anything, but I loved the episode of Friends after Courtney Cox and David Arquette got married when she was first credited as Courtney Cox Arquette the rest of the cast was credited as Arquettes as well.
- stephers85
Drillbit Taylor
"This is minor, but I remember it making me laugh when I saw it."
"In Drillbit Taylor, when they're interviewing potential bodyguards, Adam Baldwin (Firefly, Full Metal Jacket, and some others) makes an appearance and says that hiring a bodyguard to protect them from a bully was the stupidest thing he's ever heard of. He was in a 1980 movie (that I saw several times as a kid) called My Bodyguard, where he gets hired to protect a kid from a bully."
"I watched the movie in a room full of people born in 1980 and after and felt pretty old laughing at it."
- well_honk_my_hooters
Heretic
"Just remembered another one: in the game Heretic, which was an FPS put out by id software, it would punish you for trying to use the famous cheat codes from Doom. If you put in the God mode code it would kill you and if you put in the code to get all the weapons it would take all your weapons away. For both it would display a message on the screen taunting you for trying to cheat."
- bubersbeard
Skyrim
"I’m sure a lot of people know this one but, in Skyrim as you’re making your way through Skuldafn, in one of the fireplaces, you can find a potato with a boiled cream treat and some pieces of charcoal, made to look like PotatOS (GLaDOS in potato form)."
- MooseNizzle
"I'm actually close to going to Skuldafn on my most recent playthrough, so I'll have to look out for that."
"Another Easter Egg that I'm sure is even more well known, but might as well be mentioned for those who still haven't heard... is that at the very top of The Throat of the World, there's a Notched Pickaxe embedded in some rocks that has a unique enchantment that adds +5 to the smithing skill. This is an obvious reference to Minecraft and its creator."
- MaxG623
Easter eggs may not be part of the main story of a piece of media, but they can definitely increase audience enjoyment.
internet what GIFGiphyPeople Describe The Most Expensive Mistakes They've Ever Made
We all make mistakes.
It's an unfortunate part of life.
But some mistakes are worse than others.
Some blunders can be extremely expensive.
Redditor dewan_art asked:
"What is the most expensive mistake you have ever made?"
Housing Market
"Wouldn’t budge from $62,500 for a downtown loft. Owner wanted 65k."
"Unit sold for $275,000 1 year later."
- EMH55
"Same backed out of buying a house for about $400k about 10 years ago, now worth about $3 million."
- reubenmitchell
Grad School
"For me, grad school. Realized I went for the wrong reasons about half way through the courses and decided that I should keep going so I wouldn't waste any money."
"I had a hard realization a few months after graduating that I could only survive paying my loans back and not thrive. I relocated to the oilfield and have been working a niche job of a niche blue collar job ever since. After working in Temps from -43f to 105 I can finally say that I paid off my loans."
- roustajoe
"The old sunk cost fallacy. Seems to be wired into our DNA as a species."
- SeraCarina
Day Drinking
"Getting day drunk with a friend to celebrate me getting a new job, the day before I started the new job. Decided to go for a walk, blacked out when it started raining."
"Woke up in the hospital handcuffed to a bed with a felony charge for assaulting an officer because apparently I fell asleep under a storefront to get out of the rain and kicked the cop who tried to wake me up in the shin, so he did the cop thing and slammed my face into the concrete while he handcuffed me."
"Had to pay thousands of dollars in attorney's and other legal fees to get the charges dismissed, went to my first day at my new job with a cut-up face that I had to figure out how to explain, and now I'm stuck at that job because despite it being dismissed, the charge still shows up on background checks so nobody else will hire me, and I can't get it taken off my record until it's been 8 years because it's a charge for a violent offense against a police officer."
"Yeah, I don't drink anymore."
- ErikPanic
Hiring Movers
"Trusting a moving company...cost me $1000, was a straight-up scam. The grand was my down-payment on a contract that accounted for all my stuff. A guy from a different company showed up and wanted a new contract with an extra ridiculous charge for my gun safe, and when I turned basically a random person away BECAUSE I HAD NO REASON TO BELIEVE WHO HE WAS, the first guy stopped answering calls, claimed I turned away service, and kept my down-payment on those grounds. Their company said "yep" and my bank couldn't get the money back on a fraud claim. I fully believe that if I'd let the 2nd guy take my stuff, they'd have extorted me for thousands of extra dollars."
"Mitch from Roadrunner Movers in Florida is a giant piece of sh*t, and I hope he loses an equivalent to what he's stolen from people."
- onebatch_twobatch
"In my first real move after residency the company tried to hold my stuff hostage for double the money. Luckily most of the stuff we had was crap and I told them to keep it and I’d see them in court. They miraculously were able to cover the 'overweight fees'"
- BladeDoc
Not A Glitch
"I was around 8 when I thought I discovered a cheat/glitch that gave me unlimited gold in a mobile game. Turns out I was just buying the gold with money.. I costed my family $800 that day."
- Badilol
Insurance Lapse
"Not paying my car insurance on time. Then proceeding to slide through an icy intersection and hit another car. No one got hurt, just my wallet. Almost $7000"
- sews4dogs
Fried Circuit
"Was troubleshooting an windshield de-icing test set used for F/A18's and had made an error in my set up. The error caused me to fry a non-procurable circuit card; leading to the entire test set, which was around $180k, to have to be replaced."
- squid1891
Calculation Error
"Made a calculation error at work during my first few months there which led to the firm undercharging ~$130k on a project...how I wasn't fired/written up I'll never know"
- zombiehitler_
Should Have Gotten The Insurance
"Didn't get insurance on a Polaris Razor. Side by side off roading vehicle. Had it less than 3 weeks and someone stole it from my driveway Christmas night. Had taken out a loan for 5 years.... Making the payment every month hurt knowing I didn't have it anymore."
"Only took it out once. 14k for the trailer and vehicle. Still hurts a decade later."
- lastone23
Co-Signing
"Signed onto a mortgage with my ex when I was 21 because he 'just needed a little signature, it’s not a big deal!' Spoiler alert….. it was a very big deal."
- noodlemom72
$13 Million Wrench Drop
"Not me thank God, but a new hire I fired his first day out of training for 3 safety violations. The last involved dropping a wrench from 100 feet up on a work platform onto the left OMS pod of Atlantis. 13 million in damages and inspection/launch countdown time lost. Xrays, borescopes, replaced the cracked tiles, etc."
- Bobmanbob1
Gotta Turn The Freezer Back On
"At my old job, I forgot to turn back on the freezer after cleaning it (I got pulled mid clean to go do something else) so I didn’t notice. Neither did my three managers."
"Over $10,000 in frozen product lost 🤷🏻♀️ but that place was the worst place I’ve worked so f**k Freddys Frozen Custard"
- suhryna
"Freddy's defrosted custard"
- tills31
Wrong Vendor
"I transferred $500k to the wrong vendor."
"I practically had a heart attack, but the 'wrong' vendor was another huge one so it was more like we paid an invoice a day early. Also, my boss was more in a 'everyone makes mistakes mood' and not her usual 'I'll yell at you for 30 minutes over a one penny error' mood."
- webhick
Laser Destruction
"I destroyed a $250,000 laser by shorting the capacitor bank (charged 50,000 V) to the control electronics (5 V)."
"Flash of white light, instant smell of ozone and burnt plastic, a bunch of smoke, and that was that."
- Aeolian78
"I shorted 65vdc to the 5v bus one time but only did about $8k in damage. That was an awkward phone call to make."
- Grat54
Not Buying Bitcoin
"My cousin works in finance and has been interested in investing since he was like 10 years old."
"When we were both fresh out of college (2009) I asked him what he thought about investing a bit of some money I had come into in bitcoin, which was $1 per coin at the time."
"He talked me out of what would potentially been over $100,000,000 in profit, assuming I had cashed out at the peak. I still rib him about it."
- sam_neil
Mistakes happen, that's a fact of life, but let's all hope none of ours end up being the expensive kind.
When it comes to romantic relationships, especially when marriage is talked about, it's good for the two people in the relationship to share similar values, principles, and beliefs.
Maybe you discuss whether or not you want children, and if so, when. Maybe you'll talk about how to split household duties or whether or not to combine finances. And of course, you'll talk about religion.
Religion can play a large role in life for people of faith. The rules or recommendations of their faith help them to decide what's right and wrong, what to do in any given situation, and maybe even how to raise kids.
However, if one partner is religious and the other is atheist, it can be difficult to find a middle ground. It's not impossible, but it may not always be easy.
Atheists on Reddit know this first hand, and have shared what their relationship is like with a person of faith.
The stories were as diverse as religion itself.
It all starte when Redditor Actual_Sprinkles1287 asked:
"Atheists who married a person of faith, how is that going?"
Some people found it didn't matter, and their relationship was successful.
Good With Them, Bad With The In Laws
"With her? Great, it never really comes up, she does her thing (She's Christian), we agreed the kids get to make their own choices, and that we can both explain our faith, or lack thereof, when appropriate."
"Her parents, on the other hand... Just glad they live on the other side of the country. Was worse before we got married"
– Constantyne13
"Got an identical situation here but her parents are ten minutes down the road. I used to be a Christian. They don’t know I’m not, so that reduces friction."
– 7Welds
Sunday Morning
"Had our 25th wedding anniversary last year."
"She's a member of a very liberal (even for Canada) congregation and I share most of their beliefs about things like how to treat other people, just not the supernatural stuff. She does her thing, I get to sleep in on Sunday mornings."
– YVRJon
"Last sentence is relationship goals."
– phalangepatella
Heritage Over Religion
"Well, I am the non-atheist in the relationship, but it doesn't come up at all."
"I don't believe in an interventionist deity, so there really isn't a reason to discuss it."
"Since we are Jewish, my husband is fine with the kids going to Hebrew school because he wants them to know about our history, language, and traditions. That's why I want them to go as well."
"Mainstream Judaism is not very deity-focused and Hebrew schools mainly teach language, history, and about rituals and their meaning. Faith doesn't really come up, and everyone having their own way of doing things and believing is an integral part of Judaism. So, I am not worried about them becoming indoctrinated in that way."
"We both think that it's up to the kids to make their own decisions about theism and religion, and we should give them the materials to make an informed decision."
– zazzlekdazzle
Believe
"Great! Sometimes I go to church with her, I like the content (be a good person, live simply, etc.) She believes all the science, she just also believes in some other stuff."
"My opinion is this: as a human you're going to have questions about life, the universe, and anything else. If a belief system answers those questions for you, great."
– SpaceOttersea
Perfect As You Are
"When we first met, I saw she was a "problem solver" by nature. She's religious, I'm not. I asked her early if she saw me as a problem in need of a solution. When she said, "no," I decided I'd keep seeing her."
"She still holds her beliefs, though perhaps not as strongly as before we met. We each know where the other stands, and we're both respectful of the other's views. She doesn't try to "convert me" and I don't try to change her mind."
"We're 13 years in, and doing just fine, I think."
– akluor
Others found it impossible to remain married because of religious differences.
Keeping It A Secret
"My ex husband never acted religious. Not necessarily atheist, but didn't go to church, and never prayed that I was aware of."
"We hit a really rough patch and I wanted a divorce. I found a notebook (I wasn't snooping, I was cleaning and it was in a stack of random papers and whatnot) where he'd made some list of demands to save our marriage (laughable since I was the one who wanted out due to how he was treating me). I started to read it and one said "accept Jesus into her heart." I rolled my eyes just as he walked into the living room and freaked out that I had it and yanked it out of my hand. We never talked about it amd we did eventually divorce."
– stealth_mode_76
"Hmm. It seems like for him to not have expressed religious beliefs or convictions but desires for you to “accept Jesus into your heart”—according to this list of his—seems to suggest that there were some things about him that he kept secret from you throughout your marriage. Your hands are wiped clean of him now though!"
– VibrantVirgo96
Bad Idea
"Divorced. Don’t know what I was thinking."
– Misanthropic-bug
Big White Lie
"Divorced for that reason"
– CommunityGlittering2
"If you don't mind me asking, why did it only become an issue after marriage?"
– Forever-Alone-1
"Because she lied about be religious, before marriage she said she was only acting to please her mom because she lived at home. And we would bring up any children without religion and they could chose when they were older. She lied."
– CommunityGlittering2
Some people found that their partner's faith changed, or they even switched around who was a person of faith and who wasn't.
Hard To Keep The Faith
"She’s not Christian anymore. I never belittled or attacked her faith throughout the years. Between cancer taking her sister and simply aging, her belief slowly eroded away."
– heH0rnyRobot
"This. I prayed for a few years for my husband to come to faith. After crippling mental health issues and having special needs kid, Now he believes in a god and I lost every ounce of faith I had."
– Interesting-6743
Some people are still together but still find religion a topic of contention.
Trying
"Not swimmingly well. But we're hangin' in there."
– owdoidothiz
Exhaustion Comes With The Topic
"I'm a person of faith who married an " I dnt believe in God but I believe in something"
"We love eachother but when this topic comes up it's so f*ckin draining"
– ShruteFarms4L
"do you mind sharing why it's draining?"
– lunafxckery
"...well we talk a lot, as you can imagine that means the Convo often drifts to God. When we talk about God usually we end up also bring up past traumas and we both have a lot. I believe God gave me the strength to get through it, she believes she was abandoned."
"She also brings history into it too (where was he during slavery, holocaust)."
"and we never ever come to a conclusion we just move on lol start watching a movie or playing with the kids, maybe drinking and whatever comes with that."
"But sometimes the covos last a little longer than usual, we have never argued about this tho, but somestimes the convos can drain me mentally."
"Short version: it's like two walls talking when God is the subject."
– ShruteFarms4L
A Bit Of A Strain
"This will probably get buried but anyway."
"My wife is Christian, Anglican in Church of England. They’re fairly liberal in their views and acceptance of what people believe, even within the church. So she doesn’t mind that I don’t believe in a single God, and the church isn’t as ‘firm’ in the UK as it seems to be in the US. So I’m not ridiculed or seen as a bad person by her or the church for my lack of faith."
"She studied to become a priest over the past few years and was ordained. I told her I would support her studying but I didn’t want to discuss God or religion with her in the way she debates with some of her other religious friends. I largely struggle with the idea that she believes something that is at odds with so much of what we know about the universe. The further down the religious path she goes, the more bitter I’ve become towards ‘religion’. (I can only see religions and The Church as a business these days, especially knowing the processes she went through to become a minister.) The values of the Anglican church are mostly good, but you can live that way without god in your life. I don’t see why religion needs to play a part of being a good person."
"In terms of how it’s been for our marriage, it hasn’t really been a factor for most of 25 years together. It’s frustrating that she usually wants to go to church on Sundays, which leaves me to do everything else that falls on Sunday morning (notably kids’ sports commitments). I’d also certainly say we have far less in common and have less to talk about these days than we used to. She bends every possibly interesting conversation back to religion or God, and I just want to enjoy chatting without it becoming a debate. But that’s the main topic of conversation she knows and pretty much all she reads. She reads a lot about religion and theology and ‘church’ has become such a huge part of her personality, and her biggest ‘hobby’ that she is much less interesting and has fewer passions or interests in life that she can share. It doesn’t leave much for us to discuss when I have no interest in religion and have become so bitter towards it."
"So no discussion of separation or divorce - we’re not miserable - but religion has more recently played a massive part in us having far less in common."
– Arrow_King
But ultimately, it seems people can make it work.
Love And Honor
"I'm still married after 30 years. She has her religious beliefs, and I support her as best I can. She doesn't push anything on me. When she wants to do her thing, I give her space. If I have to be involved, I just stay quiet and be respectful. It's not that hard to do. No need to hate someone because of differing beliefs."
– Live_Ice8502
What a great attitude to have!
Though there are many things in life that are worth being thankful for, there are also aspects of life that are really hard to work through.
But when we had our hopes up about a person, event, or way of life, it can be really hard to accept that they were not all they were made out to be.
Redditor tomhigham asked:
"What in your life has disappointed you beyond words?"
Poor Friendships
"Probably unpopular, but personally true for me: friendship."
"Growing up, my group of friends was pretty toxic. After high school, we naturally went our separate ways, but there was a bit of an emotional scar."
"In college, I found a new group of friends… who actually ended up being even worse and almost ruined my life. It has left me with such severe trust issues that I struggle to form meaningful friendships now."
- WaterFlew
"I had a friend from high school that I thought would be with me for life. I had never had a closer friend ever in my life, and part way through college, it blew up in my face. She turned on me, and all communication broke down."
"Losing someone I considered close enough to be family was gut-wrenching. I have trust issues now because how can someone you loved like a family member be so cruel in the end? I lost ties to all but one friend over the years."
"People would come into my life and we’d connect deeply and it always ended. Not as bad as my best friend had but still nothing ever sticks. People would end up with differing views on life or just get busy. Now I rely on family and my husband for friendship. These are the people who stick with me through the years."
- Increasingly_Anxious
"I've been posting about this lately: my former best friend and neighbor. He's a single dad of two special needs kids. I did a lot to help him out much of last year."
"Late last fall, he either broke into my house (or had someone else do it for him) and stole quite a bit of money from me. When I confronted him about this, he physically attacked me."
"After everything I did for him, it hurts so bad someone could simply turn on you. The beatdown he gave me didn't make me cry, I took it, but later on, when I realized our friendship was a sham and he was only using me, I completely broke down."
- llcucf80
Start Saving Up When You're Five
"House prices. I really should have been buying up real estate in grade school, lol (laughing out loud)."
- astickyworm1
"2000s Adults: Oh no, the economy!"
"2007: Oh no, the economy again!"
"Not one f**king adult acknowledged the growth that took place. Meanwhile today…"
"2016 - 2023: The housing market will crash any day now…"
- Hurrington
Older Isn't Always Better
"I realized in my 20s that 'older' people were just as immature and dishonorable as kids, only permanently so."
"Very scary moment. You grow up looking up to those people, and when the pedestal you put them on falls, you are looking down on them, still powerless to change the world."
- litetravelr
"As a kid, I gave the adults in my life a lot of passes for their behavior. I figured I was a kid, and they acted that way for reasons I was just too young to understand."
"Now that I’m in a similar age range as they were when they hurt me, I realize they’re just s**t people who choose to be this way."
- whirlyworlds
The Lack of Agency Was Stifling
"Childhood."
"People kept telling me it was the best time of my life and that adulthood was a misery of obligations and responsibilities."
"Well, my experience of being an adult and able to have much more control over my own life, who I associate with, and what I do with my time is a welcome exchange for my responsibility-free life where I had comparatively little agency."
- zazzlekdazzle
"Oh boy, do I agree with this one zillion percent. I HATED being a kid. You are at the absolute mercy of the people around you."
"I can’t count the number of jobs I’ve quit or the people I’ve kept out of or cut out of my life. I have a boring, mediocre life. It’s still better than being a kid."
- GreatFortune5630
Rose-Colored Glasses
"Love."
- Hot_Wine_2004
"I dreamed of my wedding day and having kids and living happily ever after. I didn't dream about him cheating and leaving me three weeks after our son was born... A**hole."
- tryingtofitin_d**mit
"I almost always never get the love I give."
"Sometimes it's fine, but when it becomes routine, life just gets depressing."
"Still doesn't stop me from being kind. You never know what the other person is going through."
- HydroVector
The Lull After College
"How f**king awful life after college is. In college, you're always learning new things and meeting new people. You have a lot of fun and friends and, sure, you work a s**t job that pays squat and you have to study all the time, but you have this sense of accomplishment all the time and you have goals in front of you."
"Once you graduate, everyone moves to different cities. You get different jobs. It’s way harder to make friends and time seems to go by at light speed."
"Additionally, any third space you want to hang out in costs a ton of money, and no one wants to actually talk and become friends. If I’d known life got this lonely and boring, I’d have tried to savor every moment of college."
- fatboyfall420
"Chr**t, I’m going through the same thing. It feels like the months pass by in seconds. My friends all have relationships and are moving away."
"Trying desperately to be friends with people at work and other places yet nobody wants to be?? I won’t even mention trying to get into a romantic relationship."
"Hopefully joining clubs and taking up hobbies with people my age would enjoy will bring me closer to making friends. Oh, and vacations. Lots and lots of vacations."
- AudioIsland
Shocking Siblings
"My siblings. Never expected them to turn on me and then try to prevent me from getting my share of the inheritance."
- California_Sun1112
"My aunt did that to my dad. He can't bring himself to talk to her anymore. It was less about the money and more about the fact that she pulled that stunt."
- Lokeze
'Murica
"The American government, hands down."
- NoMournersNoFunerals
"Not so much the American government but society as a whole."
"The American government has actually worked out pretty well for me (my family came to the USA as refugees, my parents worked minimum wage jobs, I got a college degree and I'm making well above the median household income), but as I've grown older I've just grown disgusted with how stupid and easily manipulated people are."
"The pandemic was a fine example, like, I may not morally agree with someone doing evil s**t for personal gain but at least that makes sense. Doing stupid s**t to make their lives worse is a level of stupidity that the logical side of me can't handle."
- Zerole00
Using Resources for Good
"Call me a (former) optimist, but there was a time when for some reason, I thought the Bezos and Zuckerbergs of the world were going to use their brains and wealth to do good things for the world. Instead, they are contributing to its demise."
- devilsmile7
"I’m right there with you. This generation of billionaires has thrown away the opportunity to help the world, or possibly, even save part of the world with the wealth we have not seen individuals ever accumulate in history, which could be focused on everything from the climate to poverty to medicine and beyond be remembered as heroes."
"Ironically, it’s only Bill Gates that turned his money to helping to save an entire continent. It just wasn’t ours, so many people don’t know about it."
- Whatstheretosay44
Survival Mode
"Gestures broadly. Honestly, I think life is more about making peace with your failures than it is about racking up accomplishments."
"Most of us are never going to do the amazing things we hoped for as children. It's like the Rolling Stones said: 'You don't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.'"
- Yak-F**ker-5000
A Rude Awakening
"When I was a teenager in the 80s, struggling down to the library to do the research for my homework, I dreamed of a day where everyone would be able to access libraries from a terminal in their homes. They would have unlimited, free access to all the information and knowledge they need."
"How much better would the world be if everyone could be informed of facts at the touch of a button? Ignorance and stupidity would be left behind on a superhighway of information."
- Major_Twang
No Reciprocation
"Other people."
"I've done everything I could to try and make right with people, to help them, to give them support when they need it, to make sure they never feel the hurt and loneliness I feel every day in my life."
"And then people take advantage of it and only see me as useful in transactional situations. It's never reciprocated in any way."
"I just want one unconditional-love relationship from one other person, or at least something that resembles something of a friendship."
"The last time someone reached out to me via text/phone call, was back in October 2022, and the last time someone reached out to me, without needing anything as the primary motivation of them reaching out, was July of 2022. I've reached out plenty of times to check on people I knew, and offered to hang/chat."
- okimlom
The Unfairness of Infertility
"How easy it is for some people to have kids that they don’t give a s**t about and how impossible it’s been for me."
"I really hope to be a foster parent someday but I wanted to practice on my own kid first before I go screw up someone else’s. I say that very cavalierly, but I genuinely wanted some practice before jumping in with a kid that, no matter what, is dealing with trauma from the separation of bio family."
"It’s precisely because I don’t take that lightly that I hesitate to become a foster parent. I knew before my infertility that I wanted to foster but my trauma also holds me back. It’s unfair shoes for a foster kid to fill when their foster parents are looking for a kid they couldn’t have one their own."
- BreakingCupcakes
Crossfire Commercials
"Crossfire wasn’t half as intense as I thought it was going to be…"
- 2Anon4uAnon
"The Crossfire commercial promised quite a lot. You didn't get to fly into the ring upon the game pieces. And there was no actual fire or lightning, nor the chanting horde of post-apocalyptic children. And worst of all, when I beat my opponents, they didn't spin off into fiery oblivion."
- litetravelr
Though there's a lot of good in the world, there are troubling things, too. What makes it worse is that the things that are often the most disappointing are sold to us as children to be the things to really look forward to. It doesn't add up.