Guy's Almost GF Flakes On A Wedding After He Asks For A Plus One, And The Internet Has Feelings
Being someone's wedding guest is a big deal as far as most people are concerned. Weddings are expensive and they're supposed to be a celebration with people you adore. One 29 yr old Reddit user decided he wanted to take a woman he wasn't dating as his +1 to a friend's wedding. She initially accepted, but a few days later realized she had a conflict and cancelled.
He's angry, but Reddit isn't sure he has a right to be.
Here's his post:
Full context: I started speaking with a lady in early May, we'll call her Karen. We had a slow start, but it wasn't long before we started to talk almost every day. I knew that the relationship was imbalanced (I was definitely feeling things right off the bat), but I don't mind existing in a grey area. At one point, after a few drinks, she admitted to being nervous because things were happening quickly, but she felt like there was potential. However, she recently said that she was not ready for a relationship, even if we had been acting like we were in one anyway. I knew that to push things would be a bad idea, so I said that we didn't need to label what we are doing or put hard and fast rules on the situation.
So two very old and very dear friends of mine are getting married in late October. Karen had recently mentioned that she thought it would be fun if we were wedding dates (not knowing about my friend's pending nuptials.)
I was on the fence about inviting her because of her saying that she wasn't "ready to be in a relationship" and she had been kind of flaky when we first started seeing one another. But I decided I wanted her to come with me. In the invitation I received, it wasn't explicit if I was being offered a plus one. I reached out to the bride and groom to ask if it would be all right. They said it would be, and I asked Karen if she wanted to attend. She said yes.
Because of that past flakiness, I even sent her a calendar invite to make sure she had the date and waited for her to accept it. Then after waiting a few days, just to make sure, I tell my friends yesterday about adding a plus one for me and her name. It's all set.
Then Karen tells me at the end of the day yesterday that she forgot that some old coworkers that she's close with are coming to the city the same weekend as the wedding, and that she's sorry. Apparently there was an issue with an "old calendar" so she didn't see the conflict.
So I'm pissed. Beyond it being embarrassing to ask for a plus one, then to give a name and then take it back in the same day, I feel like she's pulling a weird power move or something. Showing the me the pecking order of her priorities.
Like, am I nuts, or should a wedding invite hold more sway than meeting up with old coworkers for a weekend? Especially if they're just "hanging out"?
Am I being pissy because I'm not getting what I want or is this f---ed? Is this her way, maybe unintentionally, of telling me where I stand in her mind?
TL;DR My girl dropped out of a wedding I invited her to so she can hang out with her old coworkers. Is she telling me that she doesn't take me seriously?
People didn't hesitate or hold back in responding. Some have been edited for language or clarity. Read through and see if you agree with what people are saying.
Not Your Girl
Your TLDR shows the entire problem perfectly. She's not "your girl." Especially given that she's outright told you that she isn't ready for, and doesn't want, a relationship. It's not surprising that she sees hanging out with her friends as a priority over going to a stranger's wedding with her FWB, to be honest.
I don't think it's a "power move," I think she's really just not that into you.
Also, for future reference, you should always assume that a wedding invitation is for you and you alone unless you're explicitly offered a +1. The invite would have said "OP and Guest" if you were being offered a +1.
Be More Honest With Yourself
I think the real issue here isn't that she bailed on the wedding, or that she's flaky, but that you've ignored the fact she clearly said she's not interested in a relationship with you right now when you quite clearly feel the opposite.
Nothing about what she's done here is unintentional, nor a "power move", because she's made her position clear with you before. She isn't "your girl", but you're behaving as though she is, and I think you have to be a bit more honest with yourself about your feelings regarding this "grey area" you claim to not mind being in with her.
This Wedding Isn't HER Priority, It's Yours
Like, am I nuts, or should a wedding invite hold more sway than meeting up with old coworkers for a weekend? Especially if they're just "hanging out"?
Not really, those are your friends and these are hers. She doesn't even know the people getting married. This wedding really isn't some huge priority in her life, it's just another date she could have with you. Mix-ups do happen so I don't know why you're reading any power struggle into this.
Personally I don't think it's such a big deal or that your friends would care at all that someone they don't even know cancelled. You seem a bit annoying.
But she also doesn't seem that into you based on the full story.
Pretty Dumb x2
She sounds not into you or just dumb and immature for a 28 year old... or maybe both since she can't make up her mind and goes back on accepting a wedding like it is no big deal.
But also bringing a not-girlfriend to a wedding is pretty dumb.
You're Not Listening
Okay, here's the thing. You're a man, so you've probably moaned in the past that "you don't understand women" and "why can't women just say what they mean?" Well, the funny thing is that when women DO "say what they mean," often men don't listen to the human words coming out of their mouth because it's not what they want to hear.
She TOLD YOU that she's not ready for a relationship and you're not listening to her. Her actions seem to have consistently backed up her words, and yet here you are, resentful that she is who she presents herself to be: someone who has fun with you, but doesn't want a formal relationship with you.
I ask in the gentlest way possible: What's up with that?
You want to be her boyfriend. She is not currently interested in being your girlfriend. Why the anger? She is not obligated to be in a relationship with you even though you want it really REALLY bad and are super sure that it would be the bestest possible thing for her.
You need to consider that her "flakiness" might be her way of dealing with the...intensity that you're giving off. She might be saying "yes" to things she's not really interested in so that the matter drops--and then just kicks that particular can down the road in the hopes that the situation magically resolves itself. Super mature? Nope. Super common? Yep!
And the fact that you are thinking that she is deliberately playing games with you is...concerning. That is not a healthy mindset, you know? It sounds like you are simply one of her socializing choices and you are getting really angry that you are not THE social choice--and are now looking for signs that she's basically a Heartless Harpy, sadistically playing with your emotions.
Once again, as gently as possible: why the rush to assume bad faith when there are simpler explanations? And why on earth would you want romantic relationship with someone you think this way about?
What this all boils down to is that she likes you, but no more than she likes other friends with whom she is not having sex. That's fine. You want a committed relationship. That is also fine. What is not fine is that these wants are not compatible. Rather than adding more wood to your Resentment Fire, why don't you just break things off with her?
I worry that you are the one here with the actual agenda. Do you have a past littered with Faithless Women? KrAazY ex-girlfriends who stomped all over your heart? Because you do appear to be setting up this woman to fill an unpleasant trope of Heartless Woman Destroying Tender, Loving Man Just for Shits and Giggles. If there is the slightest bit of truth to this (and there may not be! At all!), then I would recommend that you take some time off of dating and work on yourself for a bit.
She isn't for you. The sooner you walk away, the sooner you can find someone who is eager for a relationship as you are.
Prioritizing Her Previous Plans
Most people see going to a wedding with someone as a show of being exclusive. She's already expressed concern about things happening too fast and she wasn't ready for a relationship. Prioritizing her previous plans is not bad so I don't think the wedding trumps that. But I don't think she's as into you as you are into her and you should find someone else.
This Is Not Bollywood
She is just repeating everything she has told you so far. You need to back off. She is not your girlfriend and doesn't want a serious relationship with you. She told you that and that is why she turned down being +1 to a wedding - because she knew you would read too much into it. Stop trying to make her your girl. End the friends-with-benefits arrangement because it is not good for either of you. Move on.
This isn't a rom-com or Bollywood story.
She does not owe you love.
What Grey Area?
Dude. Seriously. She's not your girl, you're not in a grey area because she plainly stated she didn't want a relationship, you arranged a plus one for her without even asking her if she wanted to come along in the first place and you already know you're over invested, and now you all of the sudden are **wondering** if she doesn't take you seriously?
Like. How did this thought process of yours go?
No, she's not into you. No, she will never be your girlfriend. Yes, you should go no contact and get over this girl. No, you shouldn't count on her attendance to anything ever because you will never be a priority to her.
Find someone that likes you back instead of likes to f*ck you back. And grow some ears to listen to what people say, such as "I don't want a relationship."
Hi! I see that you've already gotten pretty solid feedback. I just wanted to say I think it's very wrong of anyone to agree to go to a wedding and then back out for any reason that isn't serious - purely because the couple involved will include her in planning and pay for an extra place/meal/etc. thinking there would be that one more person in attendance.
So I can definitely see why you would be upset or embarrassed about her backing out on that front!
However, I don't think it may have been wise to invite her in the first place considering that you're not really in a relationship per se. It sounds complex, but despite the fact that you may have been "wrong" for inviting her in the first place, she should have never agreed if she didn't fully intend on attending.
Enthusiasm And Availability
I was in your shoes once. This story is almost exactly the same as one that I went through, except mine was slightly quicker (beginning to end was about 3 months).
I won't even bother telling you the story; it's so creepily similar to yours that I'd be wasting space typing it out. The only difference is that she was the one invited to the wedding, and I was her +1. She rescinded her invitation, and to me that was the last straw and I stopped talking to her at that point.
It turned out I wasn't the only guy she was seeing! Her indecisiveness, her warm and cold flipflopping, it all suddenly made sense.
This girl may or may not be into someone else, but that really doesn't matter since the end result is the same from your perspective; she's not actually dating you. Learn the same lesson I learned; never ever settle for someone who can only give you a "maybe" or "not yet".
If their level of enthusiasm and availability doesn't match yours, it's not gonna work out.
People Share The All-Time Funniest Examples Of Misheard Lyrics They've Ever Heard
It might be super easy to find the lyrics to a song now that we've all got the entirety of the internet in our pockets, but it didn't used to be so simple. Unless you owned the album, and it was one that actually came with the lyrics on the sleeve/in the case, you just kind of had to guess if the words were unclear.
This led to some extremely amusing, and sometimes mortifyingly embarrassing, misheard lyrics.
Redditor 23andrewb asked:
"What's the your favorite example of misheard lyrics?"
"Jimi Hendix Purple Haze: ''scuse me while I kiss this guy'"
"Roommate back in the day, who would have been about 18 in 1970, told me that Hendrix was aware of the alternate interpretation, and he would gesture at Noel Redding and say ''scuse me while I kiss this guy.'"
Bad Moon Rising
"CCR - bad mood rising 'There's a bathroom on the right.'"
"That's what I thought as a kid. Still say it now because it's funny."
What A Wonderful World
"I see skies of blue And clouds of white The bright blessed day The dogs say goodnight"
"I woke up my dog laughing at this one."
"Did the dog say good night?"
Why Is Everyone Singing About Lorain?
"I want to know, have you ever seen Lorain."
"I can see Clearly now, Lorain is gone!"
"And I wonder, still I wonder. Who'll stop Lorain."
"I can't stand Lorain, on my window..."
"As a child I used to sing 'I can see clearly now Lorraine has gone' and always wondered what poor Lorraine did that was so bad."
Gimme The Beach Boys
"Give me The Beach Boys and free my soul, I wanna get lost in your Rock and Roll…"
"Wait that’s not the actual lyric?"
"Hahah. Nope! Beat Boys"
Moves Like Jagger
"'remove my jacket' Instead of 'moves like jagger' Boy I felt dumb."
"Moobs like Jagger."
"I’ve got the moose vagina! I got that moose vagina! I got that moOose vagina"
"I guess it rains down in Africa?"
"I’m still somewhat embarrassed to say that I thought it was 'god bless the maids down in Africa'. Thought it was some sort of weird political statement."
"I wept the drains down in aaafrica isn't right then?"
"I always heard it as 'I miss the rains down in Africa' and thought that sounded so lovely and melancholic. I was so disappointed by the real lyric lmao"
Hit Me With Your Best Shot
"Hit me with a wet sock, FIRE AWAY!!!!!"
"Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am i to disagree"
"Can't argue that!"
Applause ... or Applesauce?
"When I was 14 my dad was driving me to my boyfriends house. On the way over “Applause” by Lady Gaga came on & my dad sang 'I live for the applesauce applesauce applesauce.' I busted out laughing and mocking him."
"Laughed so hard he turned the car around and took me home."
"Regulate - Nate Dogg + Warren G. "I can't believe, they're taking Lawrence Welk".
"I used to hear this song and wonder 'Why is a smooth Gangsta like Warren G listening to Lawrence Welk, and why are these thugs stealing his Lawrence Welk records specifically?'"
"Then someone corrected me. 'They're taking Warren's wealth.'"
Here I Go Again
"Song: "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake. Lyric: 'Like a drifter I was born to wear cologne'"
"My favorite misheard lyric is 'Hold me closer, Tony Danza' instead of 'Hold me closer, tiny dancer' by Elton John."
"Count the head lice on the highway."
Reelin' In The Years
"Steely Dan, instead of 'Are you reelin' in the years?', got 'Are you really into yeast?'"
"I always heard 'reelin' in the East' but like your version better, lol"
You Oughta Know
"'It's not fair, to deny me Of the crosseyed bear that you gave to me You, you, you oughta know' -Alanis Morissette"
"How could you take her crosseyed bear Dave Coulier"
Have you ever embarrassingly misheard the lyrics to a song? How long did it take for you to realize, or for someone to correct you? Let us know in the comments.
All jobs are important. If they weren’t, those jobs wouldn’t exist.
However, some people view their profession as so important that they begin to develop a superiority complex.
This can be true for all professions, but Redditors maintain it’s more common in certain professions.
It all started when Redditor nameisMark asked:
“What profession attracts douchebags the most?”
“Clerks in high-end fashion boutiques. So snotty and pretentious, I mean...you work for them, you are NOT them. And most likely your clients are wealthier than you. Chill the f**k down.”
“Some are fine but others act like youre the one who doesnt belong there. Like lol bruh you just work there. It's not like you can even afford anything inside. Which is no big deal but don't act like you're gatekeeping that store”
“Love the folks in high-end watch stores who have a huge ego about working at the mall and can’t afford a single product there.”
"I remember when I bought my first house. COULD have bought one much sooner, but was just doing the young person thing of moving around for job promotions, etc. (Keep in mind, I was still only 29 when the below story happened.)"
"I was not/am not definitely not part of the generation that considered (outside of work) dressing down as wearing some khakis and a button up. Nope. I'll wear my sweats and a hoodie. Thanks."
"Anyway, I went to the furniture store closest (less than five minutes away) not because it seemed like the nicest place, but because it was close. A salesman asks "Can you afford anything in here?" The very stereotypical salesman - either in his 50s or aged terribly, probably weighed 2x-3x more than me, can tell he has 14 cents in his savings account - too. Not like some world-class salesman working on Wall Street."
"I wanted to tell him I had more money in my pocket than he has in his entire life, but I just turned around and walked away."
The Clique Game
"Doctor here. Nearly half or more of my colleagues are a**holes"
"Medicine and the hospital environment is high school all over again, and the lounge is the cafeteria."
"The academic system they pass through to get to medical school does not reward good personality or balance."
Please Don't Convince Me
"Any sales job. The competitive nature of the job means that the more confident and pushy you are, the more successful you are. It draws a certain personality type."
"Assumptive language is one of the most off-putting aspects of the dating world, imo. If I get the feeling you’re trying to sell me on going out/going home with you I definitely don’t want to."
Power Over The People
"Anybody in the criminal justice system. The amount of power they have over the general public or incarcerated individuals is horrifying and exploited far too often. These people also tend to adopt a gang mentality worse than the people they arrest"
"Speaking as someone who’s got incarcerated immediate family, 80% prison guards my family has dealt with are violent thugs and should be in prison themselves for the heinous things theyve done."
"I'm A Professional"
"Fitness trainers… particularly male ones. My f*cking god. I don’t know if it’s the steroids or testosterone but jesus christ."
"Honestly I’m a female persona trainer, but the first interview I had with a male fitness trainer was awful. He kept talking about how he basically knew everything there was to know in the fitness industry, which is ridiculous because it’s an ever evolving science. Anyway, if I’m generalizing I completely agree. Although I have met some extremely kind male fitness trainers as well."
"Internet and Phone companies. (Rogers/Bell in Canada)"
"I don't know about most but I am starting to really not like civil engineers. My current pick."
Abuse Of Power
"bouncers. And I've never been in trouble with the law in my life or been in a fight etc but I've seen enough of them in action just being abusive power trippers and escalating situations needlessly. It's often akin to school yard bullying."
Money, Money, Money
"anything to do with money: bank, insurance ...etc"
"How has no one said finance, my goodness."
"Kimberly may be busy posting pictures of her "girl boss" mug while boasting about her ability to run her own company on her own time while being a super mom but I dont want her ugly leggings, crappy skincare or oil of oregano I can use to cure asthma, crowsfeet and the flu. Kimber is insufferable and I need to go to my real job that actually pays the bills."
"I'm Your Biggest Fan"
"This should be way higher. Paparazzi are scum."
"Hey that’s not fair what did pizza ever do to you"
What Happened To Beside Manner?
“Worked healthcare IT.
I've never met a surgeon that who wasn't putting literally every bit of effort they had into "The World's Biggest D-bag" contest.”
“I met one briefly who wore a big medallion, presumably by choice”
Yeah, I saw that coming!
Do you have any more to add? Let us know in the comments below.
People Break Down The Most Beautiful Places To Visit In The United States
America the beautiful.
So much to see. So much to experience.
Just because we don't have exotic oceans and ancient history doesn't mean there isn't majesty to take in.
There are many vacations to put together.
And now we don't have to use a paper map to plan.
Our apps and GPS have it all planned out.
Redditor driedkitten wanted to compare notes about the greatest ways to see the USA, so they asked:
"Where is the most beautiful place in the United States?"
So far the cliffs of California is my favorite part of the US.
The Fallsniagara falls GIFGiphy
"Subjective of course, but Crater Lake is certainly a sight to behold."
"My home state of Oregon is full of beautiful places, South Umpqua falls, Illinois River, and Multnomah falls. Are some favorites."
"A tie for Acadia, Hoh rainforest, and Rainier in the fall."
"I was going to say Acadia. It's very underrated for some reason. My mom's friend by coincidence ended up being my English professor in college and we went on a trip to see family in ME. We stopped at Acadia for a day and she said it reminded her a lot of her visit to Greece."
"Hoh rainforest is absolutely devastatingly beautiful. Hiked the whole Hoh river trail when I was 17 and it's still near the top of the list for my favorite things I've ever done."
"Glacier national park. I was continuously in awe that the place was real life."
"The vistas of this road, on a motorcycle, were beyond breathtaking to experience. Would 100% do it again. Being on a bike allowed for stops at the waterfalls where there was no room for vehicles to pull over, and the views from the tunnels under the road were supernatural."
The Road Ahead
"There is a stretch of the Navajo reservation where there is no cell service, AM or FM radio reception. The road stretches before you for miles surrounded by red rocks touching blue sky. The buzzing undercurrent of modern connectivity fades away and your brain can be truly still."
"We did a little unscheduled off-roading in that area when we came to a road closed barrier. A Navajo couple pulled up alongside us while we pondered the dirt road heading roughly in the direction we wanted to go and assured us it was passable. Really lonely place... but wonderful."
On a Clear DayMountain GIF by Sunshine VillageGiphy
"If I stand right at the doorjamb of my front door on a clear day, I have a beautiful view. I owned this house for 15 years before I figured that out. You can't see it from any other position in the doorway, or if you're outside."
Mountains are hot. That is all.
See the CountryHappy Dance GIF by PLAYMOBILGiphy
"Depends on what you’re looking for. The United States is a big place."
"For me - Hawaii is hard to beat."
"Zion National Park is the most well-known place in Utah. But my entire state is an outdoorsman's paradise. LOTs of beautiful scenery in both the northern and southern parts of the state."
"Totally!!! And it’s very different. I personally prefer Southern Utah because the red rocks make me feel like I’m on Mars. But I grew up in the salt lake valley, so the mountains lost a lot of their majesty. But if I’m being honest, I miss them terribly."
Smell the old growth
"I’m incredibly biased, but the most beautiful place is the California redwoods. Drive up 101, and then detour towards Petrolia. There is absolutely nothing like it. Roll down your windows and drive 35mph. Smell the old growth. Stop at the pull out. Take a small hike. It’s worth it."
"Yes, 100%. My brother lives in McKinleyville and I am going to see him the end of April. Can't wait. It's my happy place. They are like the Grand Canyon and Niagara Falls... you have to see them to believe them. Those redwoods are something else!"
"Yosemite! You drive thru the tunnel and come out the other side. Looks like heaven/Utopia."
"Did a hike in Yosemite on January 1 last year. A spectacular way to start the year. I had seen photos of it, seen it in movies, watched countless videos on Youtube about it but -nothing- prepares you for the sight of El Cap as you turn that corner. I was very nearly moved to tears."
AmazingEpisode 1 Boat GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
"The Shenandoah Valley. Its an amazing place if you're an outdoorsman. Hiking, fishing, hunting, bird watching, camping."
All the wonders of the world. I may have to check all of these out.
What did we miss? Let us know in the comments below.
Humans really know how to waste a buck... or millions.
We spend so much on superfluous items it's ridiculous.
Do we need ten of these?
Gym memberships can be hundreds of dollars a month yet there are DVDs and apps that show you cheaper ways to do it from home.
Life doesn't have to cost this much.
Redditor bluscorp91 wanted to hear about the things we really need to financially evaluate, so they asked:
"Which everyday item do people waste too much money on?"
I waste on takeout. I can't help it. I'm me.
Go to the FountainScared 30 Rock GIF by HULUGiphy
"If you have safe tap water witch most people in Europe, Australia, and US/Canada has you can save thousands on water. One gallon costs under a dollar from the tap, and one gallon from the store will cost 5 dollars or more."
Tea at Home
"What I don’t get is how people have TIME for that in the morning."
"There’s a coffee stand place by me that consistently has a huge line that sometimes blocks traffic. The few times I have been there on days off I have waited over 20 mins and that wasn’t even during rush hour."
"Like who has time to spend 20-40 mins before work in line getting coffee?!?"
"The skins are cool as sh*t, I'll admit it, but damn, $20 per skin? People are out here claiming it's fine because it's a free game, but $20 per skin means if you have 3 skins, you could've gotten a completely different game all together. And most kids have hundreds of skins. My coworkers son spends all of his allowance, Christmas, and birthday money on Fortnite skins."
"He's claimed that his son has spent over $1200 on Fortnite. That's f**king insane."
"My buddies are full grown men and they buy like one skin ever 4-5 days, it's crazy. They spend anywhere from $80-$120 a month on Fortnite. I literally don't understand at all. It's an entire bill to pay every month. I play it with them from time to time and only have like three skins. I still feel like I spent too much on that."
"Cars. I don't know how so many people can afford the mortgage on cars that cost twice the average annual salary around here. And they are legion."
"If you want to save money, you drive a 10+ year old beater. It is paid for, you will have to repair it every year for a couple of hundred bucks, but the cost per mile is a fraction of that for a new Polestar 2 or Volvo XC60."
"I'm guessing I am seeing the caste that lucked out on the housing market."
For GoodMothers Day Netflix GIF by Grace and FrankieGiphy
"10 bucks a month is worth it."
"Netflix prime Hulu, Appletv, Disney+ and all that crap that we can just find free on the internet free. Hell no I'm not paying for 100 different subscription services."
There are way too many options. YouTube is cheaper.
MOOOO!!!Stone Cold Reaction GIF by WWEGiphy
"My Family spends A LOT of money on milk, since my entire family drink like 2 bottles a day total. Not with coffee or anything, just plain milk."
All that milk... I hope they change the flavors.
Last CallHappy Hour Drinking GIFGiphy
"Buying alcohol at the bars. Seriously, downtown Chicago, 'Can I please have 2 rum & cokes and a Bud Light?'"
"'Ok that will be $35.'"
"Forget that mess."
A Communication Must
"I'm going to disagree since you left your reply so basic. Now if you buy the newest phone at launch, and repeat that every new release, yes that is wasteful. I bought a 1 year old model 4 years ago and it's still fine. If it turned into a brick tonight, I would drop like $800 on a 1 year old model and be good for several more years. That isn't wasteful."
Need a Roof
"If our economy wasn't trash right now, I'd say buy your own place. I rented for 3 months then bought... renting is like flushing your money and any potential home equity (God I hate that word these days) down the toilet."
"It’s too expensive but unless you’re living outside your means the money is not wasted. Shelter is pretty important, it’s right up there with food and water."
Clean UpToilet Paper Poop GIF by Paper PooGiphy
"Toilet paper. Wash your butt with water, and you can save tons of toilet paper."
"Never could understand what it is with toilets with nowhere to wash, and walking around with chocolate caked holes."
Next Day Problems
"Surprised no one else has said this. Throwing away left over food instead of eating it later. I've worked in the restaurant industry for years and it's appalling the amount of food that gets thrown away that would be perfectly fine the next day. I constantly pack my leftovers and eat them for lunch."
We really need to evaluate our spending.