Guy's Almost GF Flakes On A Wedding After He Asks For A Plus One, And The Internet Has Feelings
Being someone's wedding guest is a big deal as far as most people are concerned. Weddings are expensive and they're supposed to be a celebration with people you adore. One 29 yr old Reddit user decided he wanted to take a woman he wasn't dating as his +1 to a friend's wedding. She initially accepted, but a few days later realized she had a conflict and cancelled.
He's angry, but Reddit isn't sure he has a right to be.
Here's his post:
Full context: I started speaking with a lady in early May, we'll call her Karen. We had a slow start, but it wasn't long before we started to talk almost every day. I knew that the relationship was imbalanced (I was definitely feeling things right off the bat), but I don't mind existing in a grey area. At one point, after a few drinks, she admitted to being nervous because things were happening quickly, but she felt like there was potential. However, she recently said that she was not ready for a relationship, even if we had been acting like we were in one anyway. I knew that to push things would be a bad idea, so I said that we didn't need to label what we are doing or put hard and fast rules on the situation.
So two very old and very dear friends of mine are getting married in late October. Karen had recently mentioned that she thought it would be fun if we were wedding dates (not knowing about my friend's pending nuptials.)
I was on the fence about inviting her because of her saying that she wasn't "ready to be in a relationship" and she had been kind of flaky when we first started seeing one another. But I decided I wanted her to come with me. In the invitation I received, it wasn't explicit if I was being offered a plus one. I reached out to the bride and groom to ask if it would be all right. They said it would be, and I asked Karen if she wanted to attend. She said yes.
Because of that past flakiness, I even sent her a calendar invite to make sure she had the date and waited for her to accept it. Then after waiting a few days, just to make sure, I tell my friends yesterday about adding a plus one for me and her name. It's all set.
Then Karen tells me at the end of the day yesterday that she forgot that some old coworkers that she's close with are coming to the city the same weekend as the wedding, and that she's sorry. Apparently there was an issue with an "old calendar" so she didn't see the conflict.
So I'm pissed. Beyond it being embarrassing to ask for a plus one, then to give a name and then take it back in the same day, I feel like she's pulling a weird power move or something. Showing the me the pecking order of her priorities.
Like, am I nuts, or should a wedding invite hold more sway than meeting up with old coworkers for a weekend? Especially if they're just "hanging out"?
Am I being pissy because I'm not getting what I want or is this f---ed? Is this her way, maybe unintentionally, of telling me where I stand in her mind?
TL;DR My girl dropped out of a wedding I invited her to so she can hang out with her old coworkers. Is she telling me that she doesn't take me seriously?
People didn't hesitate or hold back in responding. Some have been edited for language or clarity. Read through and see if you agree with what people are saying.
Not Your Girl
Your TLDR shows the entire problem perfectly. She's not "your girl." Especially given that she's outright told you that she isn't ready for, and doesn't want, a relationship. It's not surprising that she sees hanging out with her friends as a priority over going to a stranger's wedding with her FWB, to be honest.
I don't think it's a "power move," I think she's really just not that into you.
Also, for future reference, you should always assume that a wedding invitation is for you and you alone unless you're explicitly offered a +1. The invite would have said "OP and Guest" if you were being offered a +1.
- ostentia
Be More Honest With Yourself
I think the real issue here isn't that she bailed on the wedding, or that she's flaky, but that you've ignored the fact she clearly said she's not interested in a relationship with you right now when you quite clearly feel the opposite.
Nothing about what she's done here is unintentional, nor a "power move", because she's made her position clear with you before. She isn't "your girl", but you're behaving as though she is, and I think you have to be a bit more honest with yourself about your feelings regarding this "grey area" you claim to not mind being in with her.
This Wedding Isn't HER Priority, It's Yours
Like, am I nuts, or should a wedding invite hold more sway than meeting up with old coworkers for a weekend? Especially if they're just "hanging out"?
Not really, those are your friends and these are hers. She doesn't even know the people getting married. This wedding really isn't some huge priority in her life, it's just another date she could have with you. Mix-ups do happen so I don't know why you're reading any power struggle into this.
Personally I don't think it's such a big deal or that your friends would care at all that someone they don't even know cancelled. You seem a bit annoying.
But she also doesn't seem that into you based on the full story.
- Val5
Pretty Dumb x2
She sounds not into you or just dumb and immature for a 28 year old... or maybe both since she can't make up her mind and goes back on accepting a wedding like it is no big deal.
But also bringing a not-girlfriend to a wedding is pretty dumb.
You're Not Listening
Okay, here's the thing. You're a man, so you've probably moaned in the past that "you don't understand women" and "why can't women just say what they mean?" Well, the funny thing is that when women DO "say what they mean," often men don't listen to the human words coming out of their mouth because it's not what they want to hear.
She TOLD YOU that she's not ready for a relationship and you're not listening to her. Her actions seem to have consistently backed up her words, and yet here you are, resentful that she is who she presents herself to be: someone who has fun with you, but doesn't want a formal relationship with you.
I ask in the gentlest way possible: What's up with that?
You want to be her boyfriend. She is not currently interested in being your girlfriend. Why the anger? She is not obligated to be in a relationship with you even though you want it really REALLY bad and are super sure that it would be the bestest possible thing for her.
You need to consider that her "flakiness" might be her way of dealing with the...intensity that you're giving off. She might be saying "yes" to things she's not really interested in so that the matter drops--and then just kicks that particular can down the road in the hopes that the situation magically resolves itself. Super mature? Nope. Super common? Yep!
And the fact that you are thinking that she is deliberately playing games with you is...concerning. That is not a healthy mindset, you know? It sounds like you are simply one of her socializing choices and you are getting really angry that you are not THE social choice--and are now looking for signs that she's basically a Heartless Harpy, sadistically playing with your emotions.
Once again, as gently as possible: why the rush to assume bad faith when there are simpler explanations? And why on earth would you want romantic relationship with someone you think this way about?
What this all boils down to is that she likes you, but no more than she likes other friends with whom she is not having sex. That's fine. You want a committed relationship. That is also fine. What is not fine is that these wants are not compatible. Rather than adding more wood to your Resentment Fire, why don't you just break things off with her?
I worry that you are the one here with the actual agenda. Do you have a past littered with Faithless Women? KrAazY ex-girlfriends who stomped all over your heart? Because you do appear to be setting up this woman to fill an unpleasant trope of Heartless Woman Destroying Tender, Loving Man Just for Shits and Giggles. If there is the slightest bit of truth to this (and there may not be! At all!), then I would recommend that you take some time off of dating and work on yourself for a bit.
She isn't for you. The sooner you walk away, the sooner you can find someone who is eager for a relationship as you are.
Prioritizing Her Previous Plans
Most people see going to a wedding with someone as a show of being exclusive. She's already expressed concern about things happening too fast and she wasn't ready for a relationship. Prioritizing her previous plans is not bad so I don't think the wedding trumps that. But I don't think she's as into you as you are into her and you should find someone else.
This Is Not Bollywood
She is just repeating everything she has told you so far. You need to back off. She is not your girlfriend and doesn't want a serious relationship with you. She told you that and that is why she turned down being +1 to a wedding - because she knew you would read too much into it. Stop trying to make her your girl. End the friends-with-benefits arrangement because it is not good for either of you. Move on.
This isn't a rom-com or Bollywood story.
She does not owe you love.
What Grey Area?
Dude. Seriously. She's not your girl, you're not in a grey area because she plainly stated she didn't want a relationship, you arranged a plus one for her without even asking her if she wanted to come along in the first place and you already know you're over invested, and now you all of the sudden are **wondering** if she doesn't take you seriously?
Like. How did this thought process of yours go?
No, she's not into you. No, she will never be your girlfriend. Yes, you should go no contact and get over this girl. No, you shouldn't count on her attendance to anything ever because you will never be a priority to her.
Find someone that likes you back instead of likes to f*ck you back. And grow some ears to listen to what people say, such as "I don't want a relationship."
Both Wrong
Hi! I see that you've already gotten pretty solid feedback. I just wanted to say I think it's very wrong of anyone to agree to go to a wedding and then back out for any reason that isn't serious - purely because the couple involved will include her in planning and pay for an extra place/meal/etc. thinking there would be that one more person in attendance.
So I can definitely see why you would be upset or embarrassed about her backing out on that front!
However, I don't think it may have been wise to invite her in the first place considering that you're not really in a relationship per se. It sounds complex, but despite the fact that you may have been "wrong" for inviting her in the first place, she should have never agreed if she didn't fully intend on attending.
Enthusiasm And Availability
I was in your shoes once. This story is almost exactly the same as one that I went through, except mine was slightly quicker (beginning to end was about 3 months).
I won't even bother telling you the story; it's so creepily similar to yours that I'd be wasting space typing it out. The only difference is that she was the one invited to the wedding, and I was her +1. She rescinded her invitation, and to me that was the last straw and I stopped talking to her at that point.
It turned out I wasn't the only guy she was seeing! Her indecisiveness, her warm and cold flipflopping, it all suddenly made sense.
This girl may or may not be into someone else, but that really doesn't matter since the end result is the same from your perspective; she's not actually dating you. Learn the same lesson I learned; never ever settle for someone who can only give you a "maybe" or "not yet".
If their level of enthusiasm and availability doesn't match yours, it's not gonna work out.
H/T: Reddit
Some people like sweets, some people like alcohol, some people are willing to spend extra money a month just to have full access to all 14 seasons of their favorite obscure Canadian detective show.
You don't judge us, we won't judge you.
Reddit was asked:
"What is a guilty pleasure for you ?"
...and ... like ... we honestly feel kind of bonded in non-shame over this stuff.
Because it's all just SO GOOOOOOOOD!
It's Britney ...
"Playing Britney Spears’ music on 11 when I’m in the car all by myself. Especially 'Work Bitch' when I’m on the way to work an extra shift."
-nancydrew1224
"Toxic is an undeniably fantastic song."
-TheBrontosaurus
"It's such a weird mix of elements. Obviously you have Britney's pop singing, but it also mixes harsh strings with synth electro and a lot of rock elements. It blurs several genres together, and accordingly fits well next to other genres of music."
-Nambot
Those Golden Arches
"McDonald’s"
"I regret my choice right after finishing my meal. But not enough to prevent me from going back the next week lol"
-Candidmirror12
"Why did you say the word? I've been clean for three months straight!"
-realfoodman
"Yep."
"I get a craving 2-3 times a year. Same damned order every time. Large #1 value meal with a coke and a cheeseburger."
"I love their little chopped onions"
"Did you know that the Coke syrup formula for McDonald’s is different than what you get at home or other restaurants? It’s actually sweeter per McDonald’s request and specifications"
-mlgbt1985
Can't Run
"The Tremors anthology. Bad B-rated horror but god DAMN do I love me some graboids."
-BolognaIsNotAHat
"The first movie is legitimately excellent. The rest are stupid syfy level movies that are still a ton of fun."
-Taynt42
"The second one is also not terrible. Felt like a well measured escalation. The 3rd one on, though... SMH."
-Hotarg
"You ever have something be so bad that it loops itself back around into being awesome? That's this."
- [Reddit]
Perfect Mood Lifter
"Watching kid shows or disney movies even though I'm an adult."
-BanGinGDreams
"Phineas and Ferb."
"I honestly love to cruise the country side with my biker group, smoke half a pack, get home crack a beer and see what Phineas and Ferb did today."
"I'm a 28 year old man."
-Tiger_In_Maine
"Cartoons are good for the soul. Visually pleasing to watch. Good stories. Usually have some safe humor. Always end on a feel good tone. The perfect mood lifter when you're feeling down."
-GingerJayPear
Go Go Power Rangers
"Power rangers lore."
"I'm 28, can't get myself to sit through the kids shows anymore. But man did I love the series growing up and like keeping up with the new stories and seeing how it's going."
"My significant other would pretty much leave me if she found out how much I'm still addicted to keeping up with a show that I should have dropped 20 years ago."
-PN-DUBS
"Full stop, check out the comics. They were made for people that watched it as children and are adults now and they are honestly nothing short of incredible between the art and storylines. They do some really rad stuff."
-ForSafeKeeping220
Digging
"Picking my nose. I know it’s a bad habit but it’s nostalgic"
-VictoryIsMudkipz
"Kinda same it's not just gross but I also feel like it makes my nostrils bigger so I feel even more guilty 😭"
-getawaycar7H13
"There are two kinds of people in the world. People who pick their nose and liars"
-energy_falcon
Terribly Delicious
"Bad coffee."
"Like you go to a chrome-plated diner by the interstate and the coffee is made of cheap, stale grounds that has been on the hot plate or 3 hours. Something about it is super nostalgic."
-MutantOverlord
"Hell yes. I'll get like 5 refills on that tiny ass cup, tyvm"
-stoncils_
"Just terrible enough to want another cup."
-caseyd1020
Later
"Procrastinating….I hate myself for it"
-Usual-Difference9135
"I was going to comment the same but figured it could wait."
-C0rnD0g1
"I usually have two or three things on the go at once. So when I feel like procrastinating, I switch to one of the other things. My job has become literally me always procrastinating."
-StGir1
T.Swift
"I, on some occasions, belt out Taylor Swift’s 'Our Song' when I’m alone"
-nenolpunk
"I do it too but with 'The Story of Us' "
-SoonlyXo
"Taylor Swift's old songs are the best songs"
-AwesomeSpindleberry
"It’s this or 'Teardrops on My Guitar' because wow. Hit me in my teen feels."
"Who is Drew? I don't know, but I’ll sing about them regardless"
-nenolpunk
Hipster ASMR
"Before I discovered ASMR, I used to secretly watch videos of makeup tutorials because they made me feel relaxed. I'm a guy who's never worn make up in my life."
-SXOSXO
"I'm a man in my 30s. I love the cosplay tutorials from Alyson Tabbitha."
-amadeus2490
"Literally same!!! I watch NikkieTutorials or Naomi Jon! Like I personally don’t wear make up but I love the art behind it"
-patzzxd
So tell us, what's your pleasure? And do you HONESTLY feel guilty about it?
Go ahead and talk about it in the comments, I've got a certain Canadian Detective to check up on.
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Love or money?
An age old question.
Ideally, you wouldn't have to decide between the two.
In a perfect world, you would be able to find the true love of your life and be incredibly wealthy all at once.
But, as the saying goes, you can't have everything.
Though if faced with having to choose between the two, people might have a different idea of what the obvious answer would be.
Redditor lulinghayaw was curious how people would decide when faced with this decision, leading them to ask:
"Genuine, true love or 5 million dollars? Why?"
My love is worth more than that.
"True love because my true love is 5 trillion dollars."- ImOnARush.
Freedom to do what you love.
"I'm gonna be really honest, I'd choose 5 million dollars."
"Having that much money means financial stability."
"It means not having to work for money - that wouldn't mean not working ever again, but doing a job you really love even if it doesn't pay well."
"I would be able to study without worrying about burdening my parents."
"I could achieve my dream of getting multiple degrees."
"Money isn't just money, it's opportunities."
"Without having to worry about money, I could focus on improving myself in every way - getting healthier, studying more, having a stable routine, reading a lot, overall becoming the best version of myself."
"I'll have plenty of time to find true love, improve relationships with friends and family and everything else."- lux_blue.
Money over love any day- no matter the amount.
"5 dollars."- SpaZzzmanian_Devil.
"SHOW ME THE MONEY."- _starvingartist.
How much is true love worth.
"Money."
"Love can't pay my bills."- LiteLit.
Money can't buy happiness.
"True love."
"Moneys cool and all, but I'd much rather be in a loving relationship."- WhiskersCleveland.
But money can buy a lot of other things...
"5 mil, I’ll wipe my tears with hundreds."- Weary_Gate7941.
True love...with a rich partner.
"Genuine true love."
"It didn't say my partner and I would be poor."- moonIightbaby.
"The greatest thing, you'll ever learn..."
"True love."
"I have been alone all my life."
"I’ve always had toxic friends because i told myself i deserved it, i told myself 'at least they want to be friends with me'."
"I have a narcissistic mother and a dad that isn’t emotionally there because of his own trauma."
"I have a sister that flat out ignores me when I talk and my other siblings are too young for me to have the kind of bond that i need right now."
"I have an amazing best friend but it’s different than having someone that loves me and i love back."
"If you had asked me a month ago i would’ve said 5 million."
"I would’ve been lying."
"If you had asked a year ago I would’ve said 5 million and I would’ve been telling the truth. true love is priceless."
"I’ll be winning 4 million on the lottery tho."- 76543210987654321.
Some might say being truly, madly in love feels like having five million dollars.
While others might feel that having five million dollars feels even better than being in love.
Others might simply strive for a little bit of each.
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It's highly believed that it is important to learn history as a means to improve our future.
What is often overlooked is that what is taught in history class is going to be very different depending on where you went to school.
And this isn't just internationally, even different regions of the United states will likely have very different lessons on American history.
This frequently results in our learning fascinating, heartbreaking and horrifying historical facts which our middle or high school history teachers neglected to teach us.
Redditor Acherontia_atropos91 was curious to learn things people either wished they had learned, or believe they should have learned, in their school history class, leading them to ask:
What isn’t taught in history class but should be?
The Irish Troubles
"The troubles."
"Too many people in America do not understand why a wall straight through Ireland would be a BAD idea."
"I’m referring to the Brexit referendum and possible outcomes."
"If people were wondering why we were talking about walls through Ireland in the first place."- CLCVS.
Forgotten elements of World War II
"What the Japanese did to the Chinese during WW2."
"Unit 731."- CaptainMcBoogerJew.
"Japan gets off easy for their war crimes in WW2."
"They killed an estimated 16mil Chinese civilians and another 8mil soldiers"
"Also, Pol Pot."
"Didn't know who he was until I was like 25."
"Worst dictator all time (in terms of percentage of population he decimated)".
The truth about the American Revolution
"That the American Revolution was part of a wider cold war type of conflict with France."
"The American Revolution was basically the UK's equivalent of the US version of Vietnam."- vinsant7.
The Dark side of Swedish history.
"As a Swede, I'd like to know more of all the horrible sh*t my country has done throughout history."
"It's a damn shame we're trying to hide our history."
"For example, Swedes killed a metric sh*t ton of all Polish people when we were at our strongest."
"That's the kinda sh*t we don't get to learn."- mogwandayy.
Colonization
"Basically what Belgium did to the Congo."
"A lot of people are telling me that they are taught about this actually."
"I'm glad to hear it because I wasn't taught about this in the USA during my public school days (1995-2008)."- EconArch.
The truth about "heroes".
"While teaching about historical Heroes they should also tell students about the unspeakable things some of them did."
"Many famous figures throughout history who are pillars of morality actually did many terrible things." - User Deleted
Intolerance for Mental Illness
"The dark history of mental illness treatments."
"I think it's worth learning about."- 7dayexcerpt.
Slavic Mythology
"Slavic mythology in Slavic countries."
"Don't get me wrong, I love both Greek & Roman mythology and as a person from the Balkans both of those cultures are part of my country's history and had great influence over not only my region but the entirety of the continent & the western world but I wouldn't mind knowing more about Slavic mythology as well."- ShorsShezzarine.
The truth about the CIA
"How the CIA was made and all the shady things they did over the years."- ALargeChip.
There is a lot about the history of our world, not to mention our own country which shouldn't be ignored.
And it's from learning from our mistakes that we really improve our future.
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So apparently we are in the endemic phase of this nonsense.
We have light at the end of the tunnel.
So what now?
Where do we go from here?
Normal seems like an outdated word.
How do we get back to normal though?
Is it even possible?
What are reaching back to?
Life pre-Covid.
Those were the days.
If only we could bring them back.
Redditor hetravelingsong wanted to discuss our new normal in this hopeful "endemic" phase. So they asked:
"What’s something random you miss about pre-COVID times?"
I miss people being sane. Though that maybe election cycle issues not COVID. We'll never know.
I thought I was Alone...
"Being able to grocery shop after 11 pm."
Reading_Rainboner
"Hell yes. I miss the days where the Walmart across the street was open 24 hours."
Small_Tax_9432
let's just go...
"I miss spontaneity... everything now seems to have a barrier of difficulty."
iidosee
"I live very close to Disneyland so I have an annual pass. My friends and I would just go there after work and hang out and grab a bite to eat."
"Now, we have to reserve a day to go. And most of the time, the days are at 'full' capacity so we couldn't even reserve. I don't want to schedule to hang out at Disneyland for a couple hours for July. So yeah, I definitely miss the 'lets go eat at Disneyland tonight?' texts."
mymymissmai
Not til 24-25
"Functioning global supply chains. Ah, the product you want has got microchips in it? 9 month wait."
richard-king
"Minimum, I'd been saying for a while now that I wouldn't expect a true return to normalcy in terms of electronics prices till 2024-2025. Although Crypto crashing through the floor really took some of the pressure off graphics cards which I really appreciate."
statiiic
WTF?!?!
"How affordable everything was!"
Disastrous_Hour_6776
"Yep. Today I was bagging up my things at the grocery store and I heard the cashier say to the lady behind me 'thats $78.12.' She had -- 2 boxes of Kellogg's corn flakes, a carton of 12 eggs, milk, strawberries, raspberries, blue berries, a small cheese cake, English muffins, coffee, and a small whole frozen chicken that could maybe feed 3 people if the meat portioning was small."
SnowyInuk
Sushi
"My favorite sushi place. It was good quality, close by, kid-friendly, and not too expensive."
InannasPocket
All of this... it was a simpler time.
NASTY
"As a retail worker, just how f**king NASTY some people have gotten."
DmitriPetrov*itch
"They applauded you for being an essential worker but won’t vote for policies that’ll raise minimum wage while insisting a wage cap for heavily paid employees."
sketchysketchist
CHANGES your DNA...
"Some of the people closest to me became very bitter and petty over the last 2 years. So many people have the 'crazy eyes' now."
__--__7
"So true and holidays with the family is like who has the biggest tinfoil hat building contest. How many jumps does your brain have to go through to think that the Covid vaccine CHANGES your DNA into the patented DNA so that the government now controls your body."
"So like vaccinated people now have a singular DNA set. I feel like I still have a chunk of my brain just broken off due to that comment alone. I was also told by same family member that I could never donate blood again due to the vaccine. I guess it is so my patented DNA doesn't affect people?? FYI my vaccinated butt just donated today fine and multiple other times after the vaccine."
tyreka13
Homeward Bound
"House prices."
adrianinked
"I'm resigned to never thinking I have a chance on owning property where I live. I'm 30 and just can't imagine it anymore. And I don't want to live anywhere else so, whatever."
Osdab2daf
"That didn’t happen because of the pandemic. That was already happening regardless."
CH11DW
Oh Mickey
"All Day Breakfast at McDonalds."
hutch2522
"It was honestly hell to do, and not very popular. ITs margins aren't anywhere dinner and lunch specials. ON top of that, the temperatures are such that They require its own grill, meaning that if you have 2 grills in shop, you are down 50% of lunch capacity."
Freyas_Follower
Way back when...
"Hanging out with friends. And I mean waaaaaay before Covid. Like 2006 back when I had some friends."
LoocsinatasYT
I miss the old days. Maybe we'll get back there.
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