Getting married can be one of the great stresses of your life. Pressure and anxiety can fester over every little thing, coupled alongside the universally crippling fact you're about to be attached to one person for the rest of your life, can be too much for people. In those times, it's important to remember a wedding is merely one day and what you're planning on doing is committing to one person who you hopefully love enough to spend the rest of your life together.
Sometimes that's not enough, as demonstrated by this young man's story, who posted on Reddit looking for advice.
Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [19 F] dating for 2 years, how can i tell her, i want to cancel our marriage
Hello, I'm getting married in exactly 2 weeks. A month ago, I was 100% sure I want the marriage but a week ago I started to get worried about the marriage.
Basically I know, nothing will change after the marriage because it's just a piece of paper, but somehow I'm still scared. I talked with her like 2 times already, told her my thoughts and that I'm not ready yet. She said "Ok, if you're not ready, you shouldn't marry me" but after an hour it suddenly changed my mind and i told her "I'm ready, its just a big step. I guess im just nervous". Both times it ended like that and on the next day, my mind cant think of anything else, on how scared i am.
I guess the mindchange happens because I don't really want to hurt her. I want to stay together with her, we are also living together since 1.5 years but i don´t think I'm ready yet.
Does anyone here was in the same situation? How did you started the conversation and how did it all end? What would you recommend me? Just talking to directly again? I feel awul for "changing" my mind every 3 days.
TL;DR : Unsure if i should cancel my marriage in 2 weeks even when sure, how.
Have You Given It Serious Thought?
It is absolutely not just a piece of paper and the fact that you think that shows just how wildly, thoroughly unprepared you are to do it. I want to inform you, yes, inform, that you are making a gigantic mistake routed in immaturity. You havent even been together two years! You really think nothing is going to change between you after marriage and for literally the rest of both of your lives? That's a scream.
It's Best To Not Drag It Out
My STBX husband wasn't ready. And I sort of worried that he wasn't ready. From the time he proposed to the day before the wedding, I assured him more than once that if he wanted to take more time, or even not get married at all, I was ok with it. For my part, I loved him (and still do) and never doubted it for a second.
He dragged it out for 4 years before finally admitting that marriage wasn't "his thing". He quite literally ruined my life because of his indecisiveness and I would rather have been his girlfriend forever than his wife for a minute.
Don't do to her what he did to me. If you love her at all, don't drag her into a legal and emotional mess because you are afraid.
the marriage. Basically i know, nothing will change after the marriage because its just a piece of paper, but somehow im still scared.
Wtf are you serious? It's not just a piece of paper. Do you even know what it is? It's a legal document basically merging two people to one. This means you share everything. Any debts? You share. You get divorced, your a-- gets to pay alimony. Any assests you have, half gone. Yeah a piece of paper. Clearly you are not ready cause you think it's just a piece of paper. This paper is a business contract and one of the most important ones, if not the most important one.
All It Takes Sometimes Is A Little More Time
If you aren't ready don't get married. Postpone it or cancel it. Bring it up sooner rather than later too. Just tell her you think you need more time before you get married, don't beat around the bush. You've already talked about it to her, she seemed to understand.
Not going to lie, 2 weeks before my wedding I wasn't scared, I just wanted it done and over with. But everyone is different.
[Update] Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [19 F] dating for 2 years, how can i tell her, i want to cancel our marriage?
After some serious thinking and mental breakdowns, i came to the conclusion "I cant marry her". So last Saturday I told my girlfriend I'm not ready yet. She was really angry and sad, it was obvious understandable.
I also felt guilty but after the conversation I felt free. It was probably the hardest conversation in my life but I feel so much better right now.
Even tho things are still difficult between us, her parents hate me and we are overthinking our relationship and thinking about a breakup everything is just better.
Someone said "If your relationship can't handle a wedding postpone, your relationship won't handle a marriage" and i think he's absolutely right. If she leaves me now, I'm 100% sure it was the right choice. Also someone gave me the question :
"If it came down to a choice between getting married and breaking up -- do you have a clear preference for one or the other?"
And yes, my preference was clearly breaking up. I never thought about that way.
I even realized our relationship has a lot of problems and I'm thinking of breaking up as well. Maybe starting to focus more on myself, but I will decide that in a week or so, depends on how things will go between us from now on.
Also I realized that I'm lacking friends and social contact. I have some friends but in the past 2 years I did nothing else than doing stuff with my girlfriend. Basically we were together 24/7 except work. I neglected my friends and yesterday i met some friends and it felt great. I honestly start doing more with my friends and trying to find new friends SOMEHOW
Thanks for reading.
TL;DR : I was unsure about my wedding, but in the end i cancelled it and it was the hardest choice and the hardest conversation in my life. Everything was paid but in the end it was worth it. The relationship might be falling apart now, but i rather breaking up than paying a divorce in a year or so.
Pay Attention To Your Own Feelings
That's great news!
Someone said "If you relationship cant handle a wedding postpone, your relationship wont handle a marriage" and i think hes absolutly right. If she leaves me now, im 100% sure it was the right choice.
The fact that you were so hesitant, the fact that you would prefer breaking-up than marrying her, and the fact that you feel so relieved are all the confirmation you need that you made the right choice. Tons of relationships don't survive going back on that kind of commitment, if she choses to leave you now, it says nothing about her.
One End Leads To A New Beginning
I was really bitter at 21 because a guy i had been dating for 6 years all of a sudden told me he didnt want to marry me anymore....
5 years later I have met my person and we are happy and getting married. I am a much more whole person, and the best thing that guy ever did for me was set me free so that I can experience all that I did.
Said all that to say..OP if you hade [sic] any concerns you did the right thing. And if you all decide to split as painful as it is, and as much as she will say/feel she hates you. In time it all makes sense. Good luck.
Being An "Adult" Means Making The Tough Call
"If it came down to a choice between getting married and breaking up -- do you have a clear preference for one or the other?"
And yes, my preference was clearly breaking up. I never thought about that way.
Then stop putting the responsibility on her to do so. Grow up and break up with her because you clearly aren't satisfied with this relationship.
Which is totally fine, but you need to do some adulting here and break up with the girl instead of stringing her along with maybe-someday-getting-married when what you really mean is it's over. You're trying to put the pressure on her to leave you now, because you want a break-up, and that's pretty sh-tty.
No One Is The Same At 25 As They Were At 22
Someone put it very aptly to me during my divorce, and I'd like to pass on the wisdom. No one is the same person at 25 that they were at 22. Getting married that young is a gamble.
You could be the most head over heels in love couple in the world, but if you haven't yet fully worked through who you are, you have no right to tie another person's life to yours. Breakup or not, calling off the wedding is the best thing for both of you.
Oh, the beginning of the interwebs.
Those were the days.
We definitely did not see what was to come.
Maybe it should've stayed simple.
We'll never know.
Computers rule the world now.
Let's see where we are in another twenty years.
RedditorEzucraAaAa wanted to wax nostalgic about the good old days of technology and its humble beginnings.
"Redditors, what's something the internet was crazy about but is now forgotten?"
I miss the simplicity of not having a thousand apps. I'm simple.
Ah Memories...the messengers aol GIFGiphy
"Search engines before Google existed. Alta Vista, Lycos, Web Crawler..."
"Downloading custom cursors for your computer. I gave my family computer so many viruses back in the '00s trying to click things with a lightsaber."
"Amazing. I had totally forgotten about all the virusy stuff I downloaded to my home computer, purely so the cursor would disappear and reappear. My parents had zero knowhow with computers either, so likely had no idea wtf I was downloading. Cursors were cool though, despite all the malware."
"During the early days of the web, when most websites weren't plastered with advertising... Website view counters."
"Back in the day of counters, one day I went to my website and the counter was in the thousands. I just thought it malfunctioned and ignored it. Years later I learned that my website, which had a MIDI collection, was published in a newspaper in another country. I couldn't say for sure if that was true and whether it aligned with the counter change."
"Yea the internet was simpler too, layout style I mean. I like old style HTML webpage layouts. I personally don’t like hyper modern logos and designs on interfaces. Something about old slightly pixelated designs about them home screens and app logos really made them satisfying. I’ve even went as far as seeing if I could install some extensions that could change the layout of sites, make them feel older, give them that 2000’s html look."
Found ItLooking The Loud House GIF by NickelodeonGiphy
"I used to waste so much time with stumble upon."
What a strange and crazy place the internet was.
notificationBaby Love GIF by LINE FRIENDSGiphy
"Poking on Facebook."
"I had a friend that poked me and I never noticed the notification. He died. I now have this unreturned poke as a reminder that I’ll never be able to poke them back."
"Many flash games are not dead. BEHOLD! The flashpoint project. They have saved thousands of the old flash games in a playable format. Go forth and relive your childhood Also paging u/The_Middler_is_Here"
I will find you...
"There was a rhythm game that I don't remember the name of that me and some friends would challenge each other in, and it had the song Guitar vs Piano 2 which introduced me to Envy, who was a pretty big newgrounds artist at the time. I wanna go check out their stuff again now, I'd completely forgot about them till now."
"Forums. There used to be so many, incredibly active and dedicated forums."
"A lot of the forums I visited were ruined by photobucket when they decided they wanted paid a lot of money from their users. So many build threads and tutorials ruined."
"IMDb had the best message boards back in the day. Chatting with your internet friends around the globe about every nuance in your fave movie. Man I miss that. Reddit is close, but nothing beats the olden days."
FunEgg Hatch GIF by The Roku ChannelGiphy
"Do you guys remember those egg things that hatched little creatures after a while? You'd put one on your website and then the artist would update the source url with images of it hatching? There were all kinds of little fun things like that."
Those were the days!
Do you have something you'd like to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Not all television and movies are loved by all.
A story and its characters have to appeal to you in order for you to be engaged.
It can take next to nothing for us to lose interest and let the screen go black.
Redditor BarooTangClan wanted to compare notes on all the entertainment we've said "that's enough" to.
"What will make you instantly stop watching a movie or show and why?"
I hate bad acting, writing, storytelling... I hate bad anything.
Stop JumpingFight Scene GIF by Operation FortuneGiphy
"Fight scenes with a million visual cuts. Gives me motion sickness. Contrast the absolutely masterful work in John Wick. long cuts, realistic use of weapons (mostly), 100% skill."
"When the actors whisper the whole movie and you have to crank the volume to hear what's being said - but the soundtrack or some other misc noise starts blaring at a higher volume directly after."
"I basically had to watch Stranger Things up in my attic with the windows and doors closed. I was worried the neighbors would think something was wrong or be annoyed if I watched it downstairs in my single family home. It was ridiculous."
"spice things up"
"Love triangles out of no where in a second or third season to 'spice things up' because studio writers are hacks and their idea of relationship drama is 'potential infidelity' at all times. It's the most tired trope on the go**amn planet and the second I see it rear its head I dip right the hell out."
"The whole concept of a love triangle to begin with an incredibly juvenile. Any healthy functioning adult who found themselves in a love triangle would soon choose to find themselves single."
Save your lips...
"When couples in a movie/show have a fight and one of them instantly goes to a friend and end up kissing her/him after talking for 5 minutes. I cringe so hard i turn it off and never watch it again."
"This pissed me off so much in Manifest. Girl is desperate to get back her ex-fiancé, he finally breaks up with his wife to get back with her and she's like 'nah, it's not fair to your wife, let me do this other dude I just met through a calling and be pissed at you for being jealous.' Michaela was the worst and everyone acted as if she were a saint the entire time."
Talk to MeIn Love Flirt GIF by OriginalsGiphy
"Shows where a single polite conversation could fix everything."
We are going overboard with the witty repartee. Talk normal...
Shut UpScared Home Alone GIF by FreeformGiphy
"Annoying main character, especially if it's a kid."
"Kids who have a quippy, sassy retort to everything, and everyone just kind of crumbles before their wit."
"Shows where kids in high school talk like they are 30 years olds who have done everything, been everywhere, know it all and use a ridiculously flowery and extensive vocabulary in every conversation. Like, have any of these writers ever been to high school? Literally no one talks like that. Even worse is when, in addition to this, all the adults talk normal or are just plain stupid, like so weird parallel universe."
"If the movie is too dark. Not graphic, just literally dark. I lose all sense of intensity in dark scenes and I'm not straining my damn eyes trying to figure out what the hell is going on."
"I've seen about 10 percent of all DC movies recently. I've seen all of the individual films in full, just actually saw 10% of each of them."
"Movies in the late 80s had a lot of dark but you could see the depth because of different shooting techniques. Now you cant see crap because its a CGI fest drowned in black color so you can't see crap because you have no depth in a scene. Compare night scenes in dark alleys in 80's movies and movies now. Utter crap show in the new ones."
Pay Attention Storytellers
"Bad editing would be a big one. A lot of modern horror movies can't help but edit the movies like they're trailers, with added noises to scare the audience because they are afraid the script alone isn't enough to keep people watching."
"I remember this is where the first transformers movie lost me. When the transformers are fighting at the end, it's all a big, jumbled mess of metal and I can barely tell what's going on or who is who."
Dramawill devry soap opera GIF by General HospitalGiphy
"When they go straight to relationship drama right away when it wasn't the selling point of the show."
Do better, Hollywood. It's not that hard.
I fear death.
I wake up in cold sweats dreaming about it.
I think about it in my waking hours.
It's an obsession and clearly, I'm not alone.
But there are more preferred ways to exit.
All we can do is hope to be lucky enough to skip the mercilessly awful.
Please just let me go quick and in my sleep.
RedditorCallMehRiverwanted to hear about all the ways none of us what to leave this life.
"What Do You Think Would Be The Worst Death Imaginable?"
My list of the worst deaths is long. My imagination runs amok.
Trappedseason 6 friends GIFGiphy
"For me? Being trapped in a small tube or cave (like the ones you have to wiggle through) and getting stuck to where you can’t move your arms. And all you can do is wait to die. I’m getting chills just thinking about it."
"The more I hear about cavers that get stuck, the more I think that's a crap way to go."
"There’s a great YouTube channel called Ask a Mortician and this was her #1 worse way to die. I can’t remember the exact details or their names, but two well-known divers went into an underwater cave."
"One of them became entangled and died. Years later, his friend dives back down there to try and retrieve his body, the body itself is rotten and his head comes off and the other guy also becomes tangled and dies. Really sad."
A Long Process
"Believed to be in a coma but coherent through the whole 20 year process until they pull the plug."
"Oh man this just reminded me of a story I read on here about a guy who lost the ability to move and speak but was completely conscious. Had to just lay there and be awake but trapped in a useless body. His family thought he was brain dead or something and he couldn’t communicate to them that he was 'all there.' Crazy"
Slow & Steady
"Being slowly impaled by a growing bamboo. It was a form of torture probably used by the japanese during WW2 against Allied prisoners."
"The scariest part is that once you have symptoms, you 100% will die. A 100% mortality rate has to be a psychological torture in itself."
"Not only that, you feel irrational fear. Your brain is literally being eaten apart by the virus and it fu*ks up everything on it. You can't drink water because it hurts you. You feel dizzy, present a fever, excessively salivate, everything hurts and it only gets worse. I'd rather take a bullet and die when the symptoms are still tolerable."
Why can't we all just go engulfed in calm and quiet?
"Some pulpy sci-fi book I read a while back had one of the best deaths of this real piece of crap bad guy. Left to die in a drowning sea lab under the Antarctic ice, he freezes himself in a state of the art suspended animation pod with some kind cold fusion power source that would keep it running for millions of years."
"But he forgot to inject himself with the drug that would put him to sleep. So basically he is in suspended animation at the bottom of the Antarctic ocean while his mind is perfectly awake and conscious in a near unbreakable machine that won't run out of power for millions of years and nobody knows about it."
"As an RN I have always thought that the worst way to die (natural process) is ALS. Lou Gehrig's Disease."
"My mom and grandmother have Huntington's disease, which is essentially ALS, Alzheimer's, and Dementia combined into one really messed up genetic disease. I have a 50% chance of inheriting it and if I hit 40 and there's still no cure I can't promise I'll feel like continuing on with my life because that disease is absolutely freaking miserable."
"The fact your chromosomes can be so destroyed your body basically lost it's genetic code and with it the ability to make any new cells. It's literally a 'dead man walking' and you slowly rot away in agony. Stuff is so unimaginably f**ked up."
"What's also bad about radiation is that it affects your nerves and brain cells last, so you have everything in place to feel all the pain of the rest of your cells being destroyed."
GooNot Listening Season 2 GIF by The Fresh Prince of Bel-AirGiphy
"I want to believe anything that slowly kills you painfully to be the worst. Such as slowly being crushed or something where the pain is beyond compare and yet not enough to throw you into shock or unconsciousness."
"Alternatively, being rapidly crushed into goo would probably be the least painful. I'm talking one of those massive industrial hammers they use for large steel work. Basically smooshed before the nerve signals make it to the brain."
Now I'll never sleep again without nightmares of death.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Most Americans think nothing of their humdrum daily activities or amenities available to them.
However, others with a different perspective might romanticize the things that are otherwise commonplace ideas and concepts for US citizens, like going to a diner or riding the school bus.
One Redditor looked to foreigners to hear of their American desires to respond to the following:
"Non-Americans of Reddit: what is an American thing you have always wanted to try?"
The things depicted in film really captivated foreign audiences.
"To visit a diner like in the movies. In the middle of the night, it’s raining and just a few people there with great music from a jukebox."
Iconic Student Transport
"Ride a yellow school bus even if I'm too old. Growing up I always loved seeing them on TV."
Just Like The Ones We Used To Know
"A white Christmas."
"Living in an Australian state where I've never even seen snow in our winter, let alone experiencing that classic Hallmark movie moment of waking up to a street full of it and sitting around a fireplace while opening gifts/preparing a feast."
"Guess it's not strictly American, but the imagery and trope is something I've only really seen from American Films."
They may be ubiquitous for us, but they sure seem to be novel ideas to foreigners.
Let's Be Frank
"One of the hotdogs from those little street cart things."
"A friend of mine from Indonesia said, 'the food chewer in the sink.'"
"Apple Pie made by white-haired grandma, placed near window, who says 'oh dear...' as I levitate towards it."
"Proper tailgating before a ball game, the kind where there's ribs and stuff."
"Deep fried foods at a state fair. I'm from Scotland and we love to deep fry everything and I wanna know if it's just as good or better."
There are places to see!
Places To See
"America’s greatest invention!"
Backpacking In Nature
"I always wanted to hike The Appalachian Trail if that counts. Or see Yellowstone."
"Being able to start a whole new life 'elsewhere' without having to leave my country and going through an arduous immigration process."
My cousin told me she looks forward to visiting a Trader Joe's someday when she visits America for the first time.
Her bucket list option was hardly surprising. My parents used to bring treats from TJs as a novelty souvenir gift item, and my relatives ate it up. Literally.
Let's face it. The snacks at TJs rocks.
Even store locations in New York City would have ridiculously long lines during busy hours because the West-coast-based grocer was a novelty on the East Coast.