Guilty People Reveal What They've Done In The Past That Still Haunts Them
Guilty People Reveal What They've Done In The Past That Still Haunts Them[rebelmouse-image 18350499 is_animated_gif=
Life is full of really difficult choices, everyday and in every way. We make a left when we should've turned right and then the journey is altered. Then there are the life choices where we've purposely affected others for our own pleasure, good and bad. The thing is, when we're in the moment we don't take a second to gaze into the future and wonder what lasting effect this decision will create. How will we feel about this action in 10 years, 5 years... 1 day from now? Will it haunt me?
Redditor _qquicksilver asked Do You Have Something Stupid You've Done In The Past That Has Made you Feel Bad For Years ? First of all... YES! We all do! And people let loose with their truth!
When I was about 12/13 i had a friend who was mixed race (black & white). I in love with her. She moved away to California with her mother. She came back the next summer to visit her father and called me. We hung out for a whole weekend and her father even took us to Wet n' Wild. So we have a great time the whole time she's here and are getting kind of close, but i never "pulled the trigger."
After one evening when her father is driving me home, we're in the back of the truck talking about the Jr. highs school beauty pageant. We talked about a couple of girls we knew and a girl i dated was in it and we laughed about that. For some reason, i don't know if it was me being nervous, I'm really a total a** that doesn't deserve the company of women or that there is a God and he hates me. But i blurted out the N word.
I didn't/don't use the word in most any conversation. It somehow made it's way into my subconscious and popped out at the most inopportune time EVER. There was an obvious pause in the conversation, but being such a great person, she just started talking again like nothing happened. I apologist meekly, but was mortified and couldn't say much else. They dropped me off at home and i was a stupid 13 year old to afraid to call her and explain myself. I never spoke to her again. I can imagine how hurt and betrayed she must have felt. I'd love to somehow talk to her again and really apologize and explain to her, but i have no way of contacting her. So this is something i'll be carrying around with me for the rest of my life.
This really bothers me every time i think about it and i'm in my late 30's now. Does anyone else have a similar experience ?
KEEP A COMPASS CLOSE...[rebelmouse-image 18350500 is_animated_gif=
I still feel really bad about the time the Pope came to Toronto and a Christian monk (very traditional looking one) with a gaggle of little kids asked me which subway to take to the meeting site.
He spoke no english, and just pointed where he wanted to go on the subway map and then pointed at the subway questioningly. It was early in the morning, I wasn't thinking clearly, and I sent the poor man to a train going in the opposite direction. I didn't realize until I was on my own train that I'd given him the wrong directions.
I'm not at all religious, but I said a desperate little prayer to his God (and then briefly became religious again as I said one to mine) asking that the monk be guided appropriately. I can still see the grateful look on the monk's face. He put his hand on my shoulder and said something (in italian I think), which I tend to imagine was some kind of blessing. I think of this incident every time I go on the subway.
ALSO USE A MARKER... IT'S SOFT...[rebelmouse-image 18350502 is_animated_gif=
In third or fourth grade I placed my #2 pencil, business side up, on my neighbor's chair just as he was sitting down. I was envisioning a cartoon like jump and a great laugh from the class. What I (he) got was a pencil logged in a butt check about an inch deep. He had to go to the drs and get a tetanus shot and I got suspended. Still remember his name and still feel horrible about it.
PRAYERS FOR HEATHER.[rebelmouse-image 18350503 is_animated_gif=
There was a girl in my second grade class named "Heather." Heather was a rather large and homely girl who was extremely loud and obnoxious, and frequently smelled of warm, rotten cabbage. She would sometimes pee her pants in class, and go around as if nothing had happened.
Whenever she would get close to us, we would scurry off as quickly as we could, screeching "EWWWW DON'T LET HER TOUCH ME!!" If she would accidentally brush up against us, we would get a look of disgust on our face, and wipe the_"Heather Cooties" _on somebody else....then that person would wipe it on another....and this would go on until the last person couldn't wipe the _"Heather Cooties" _on anybody else. This person would then be isolated from the rest of the class for the remainder of the day.
I, of course, partook in this... and looking back on it now, I'm sure we, as a class, collectively gave her a lifetime of security problems and depression.
WHO ASKED YOU? SHUT UP![rebelmouse-image 18350504 is_animated_gif=
I was in a group of people where we would tour the town in a chopper. So the girl near me was afraid, so to make her feel less stressed I told her that the probability of being killed in a car accident is much more higher than being killed in a helicopter. She began to look at me strangely and said "I don't want to talk about that." Then I just remembered that her father died in a car accident just two months ago.
DON'T BE PRESSURED TO GIVE IT AWAY![rebelmouse-image 18977479 is_animated_gif=
There was a girl I hung out with almost every day when I was 14-16, we were best friends. One day, sitting outside, she says that she was tired of talking to me about all the losers she dated, when I was the only one who listened, she then wanted to kiss. I was excited by the prospect, and frightened of the possibilities, I had never really been with a girl at that point and I was scared that a more intimate relationship would ruin our friendship. So I told her that I didn't think that was a good idea. She asked me if I was gay at that point, my heart sank and I felt like I was going to puke, I knew I had made the wrong choice. She stopped being a close friend after that and eventually we drifted apart. I have felt regret that decision so many times.
DON'T JUDGE THE BATCH BY ONE BAD APPLE.[rebelmouse-image 18978299 is_animated_gif=
Gave money to a guy I thought had a genuine story, only to be approached by him again a couple months later down the road from where I had first given him money. No way he needed gas money to see his sick daughter 4hrs away that bad for 4 months :X
Because of him, I give no handouts anymore.
JUST GO AWAY![rebelmouse-image 18978300 is_animated_gif=
I was at a sushi restaurant with my wife, and said, _"wow, check out the ugly baby over there." _My wife glared at me, and when I looked at the baby again, it was super obvious it had down's syndrome. I felt like an enormous a**.
NO MANNERS![rebelmouse-image 18348149 is_animated_gif=
When I was a kid (10 or 11?) I was hanging out with a group of Japanese students visiting Canada. I was thinking of things I knew about Japan to relate to them and like an idiot I said "Hiroshima - Boom!" Dead Silence. One girl in particular gave me the most evil "die" look I have ever received.
NEVER SHUN FLOWERS...[rebelmouse-image 18978301 is_animated_gif=
Growing up I was a kind of weird gross kid, since then I've grown out of it and moved on. I've found a life outside of the computer and the whole anime obsession I had in middle school.
During one of my breaks in college I met a group of 'kids' way older than myself that were really into naruto still. They were friends with a girl I knew back in High school adn not having any friends I just sort of wandered into their group having virtually zero interest in what they were up to. I felt better than them in every possible way. Sometimes they'd call me to hang out, but I didn't play guitar hero or eat out often so I always declined.
On my birthday one of them came to my house and gave me a flower and a mixed cd. I laughed and made fun of it a bit with a friend over AIM. It seemed silly but more than anything I was really flattered and embarrassed.
I'm a little disappointed in myself for making fun of the only person who remembered my birthday and bothered to drive all the way across town to give me a flower at 8 in the evening and wish me a happy birthday.
IN YOUR EYES...[rebelmouse-image 18978302 is_animated_gif=
My only story I can add:
When I was about 12 (a long time ago) I got a paper route, and started earning my_"own" _money. I figured for that Christmas, I would buy my younger siblings (then 9 and 6) something really nice with the money I earned from it.
I bought my sister a really great stuffed teddy bear - cute as cute can be, and was REALLY excited to give it to her on Christmas. Because I was only 12, I promptly hid it under my bed, thinking "Who would ever look under my bed for Christmas presents"? Best hiding spot EVAR!
Anyway, a couple weeks before Xmas, I came home from school and went to my room, and when I opened the door, there was my 6 year old sister, playing with the bear she had found under my bed. She was SUPER happy saying _"Thank you for getting it for me!" _while I stood there aghast.
I told her that I was pissed she looked for it under my bed, and that I was taking it back to the store - which I did the next day - and being an a** of a brother I am, took the money for it and didn't get her anything for Christmas. She was crushed and was sad for an entire week - tears and everything.
To this day, when I think about how sad I made my sister that day, it still chokes me up. Even though I've apologized since (she laughs about it now when she tells the story!), I can't forget the look in her eyes and how awful it makes me feel.
YOU LIVE AND LEARN....[rebelmouse-image 18978303 is_animated_gif=
I have WAY too many of these to remember, but one does come to mind:
It wasn't a situation in particular, just my behavior as a whole. I dated a girl in high school that was a year younger than me. For some reason, I got very possessive. Told her who she could talk to, what she could wear, etc. When I graduated, she was so distraught from not having any friends, etc, that she opted to get her GED and go to college also. We went to different schools, but I still tried to maintain a stranglehold. I would skip class and try to be nearby because I didnt trust her. Once, during an argument (I'm sure I was being controlling), I was escorted off campus by the police. She was so embarrassed -- she was crying, I was yelling, and for what?
Soon she met someone else who opened her eyes. She promptly kicked my a** to the curb -- the day after my birthday. I wasn't able to see myself for what I really was until afterward. About a year ago I found her on myspace. I tried to contact her to apologize. She made it very clear that she wants NOTHING to do with me. One day I hope she can accept my apology.
I'm married and have a son now, and never have nor ever will do that again. My wife is her own person and is free to talk to the people that she wants to talk to, dress the way she wants to dress, and quite literally, do what she wants.
KEEP AN EYE OUT![rebelmouse-image 18978304 is_animated_gif=
Shot a friend in the eye with a homemade crossbow when I was 9!
DON'T JUST TO CONCLUSIONS SO FAST...[rebelmouse-image 18978305 is_animated_gif=
I was at a bar and there was a guy in front of me blocking me from getting a drink. I was trying to excuse myself and get by him but he wouldn't move and he was saying something but I couldn't really understand him. I ask him to repeat himself and his speech is all garbled so I think he's either really drunk and being an a**, or he's mocking me for being _"retarded" _(because that's what he sounded like). I told the guy off and told him to get the hell away from me.
About 5 minutes later a couple guys walked up to me and said "that guy you were talking to is our buddy." I'm thinking I'm about to get jumped. _"He's deaf and he was trying to apologize for being in the way." _Oops.
MAKE BETTER LIFE CHOICES!![rebelmouse-image 18978306 is_animated_gif=
I cheated on my girlfriend who was dying of ovarian cancer. We had been living together for about six months. I knew she was sick when we got into the relationship. I thought that I was man enough to handle it. I was not.
She had just found out that she was not in remission like she thought she was. I was there to hold her and comfort her the best that I could. After that, she asked me to move out because she didn't want me to see her as she was going through another round of chemo. She also thought that having another person in the house would greatly increase her chance of an infection with her weakened immune system. I moved out of her house and found a place of my own.
Often when I went over to be with her, she was tired and sick. I tried to help as best as I could, but it was clear that I wasn't much help. Our sex life, while not great before, was now non-existent. I thought I could handle this. One night, when she was scared and needing reassurance, I was a complete a**. We ended up fighting. She screamed at me to get out. I left her house and went to a bar. I was drinking, and I ran into a beautiful woman. I ended up going home with her and sleeping with her. It was a one night stand. It was stupid. It is indefensible. It is something I will regret for the rest of my life.
Rather than hide it, I told my girlfriend the next morning. I deserved everything she threw at me, both physically and emotionally. There is not a day that goes by that I don't regret it. She died six months ago without having forgiven me. I can't say that I blame her.
THAT'S A STORMY CHOICE![rebelmouse-image 18978307 is_animated_gif=
Getting fired from an amazing job for looking at adult videos during work. I regret it every day.
I'VE ALWAYS PREFERRED BARNES 'N NOBLES...[rebelmouse-image 18977837 is_animated_gif=
I was working in a bookstore, tending to the sci-fi section, and I see the back of some person who's looking all around for something. Ratty vest on top of a flannel shirt with a unkempt ponytail. Normally I always, always say _"Can I help you?" but for some reason, this time I say _"Can I help you, sir?"
She turns around. She says "I'm not a sir." She looks like she's going to cry. Her husband appears out of nowhere and she buries her head in his chest. She's gotten this before, I realize. I spin around, high-tail it out of there without saying anything, and hide in the back room for 15 minutes.
Retail karma got me back later, but I always felt bad that I never said anything on the spot. I couldn't even get an apology out before I ran away.
LEAVE 'EM IN THE DUST... REGRET IT FOREVER....[rebelmouse-image 18978308 is_animated_gif=
When my brother and I were younger teenagers, myself just a year and a half older than him, I asked him if he wanted to go roller skating with my cousin and I. He ran home to get his skates and as he started to walk back to where we were waiting, we got into our car and drove away, and I remember looking at him standing dejectedly in the middle of the street holding his skates while I laughed as we drove away.
I've felt guilty about that my whole life, and everytime I think about it I feel like crap.
YOU CAN'T TAKE ALL THE GUILT... PEOPLE MAKE THEIR OWN CHOICES....[rebelmouse-image 18978309 is_animated_gif=
I built a rope swing at a lake I used to camp at. The ranger scolded us and said it was dangerous but we never cut it down. A kid died on it a few years later. :(
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattzget out GIFGiphy
It's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswersof montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphy
Everyone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I DoShocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy
"Are you married?"
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Room TemperatureFrosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
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"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
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"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.