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Grownups Reveal The Things Their Parents Did That Messed Them Up

Grownups Reveal The Things Their Parents Did That Messed Them Up

Grownups Reveal The Things Their Parents Did That Messed Them Up

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Kids don't come with user manuals. Even the best, most well-meaning, parent can flub it and do some long term damage to their children without meaning to. Some parents, unfortunately, aren't quite so well-intentioned and they can deal out some damage as well. We're not talking about them, though. Those sorts of things are a bit more overt. We're talking about the little things that otherwise good parents do that can really do a number on the little ones. One Reddit user must have been thinking about their childhood and how it created who they were now, because they asked:

What do a lot of parents do that screws up their kid?

As parents, and people who have/had parents, the answers really made us think and re-evaluate ourselves. Here are twenty of our favorite replies.

Thanks Mom

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Making it really hard to tell them things. My mom always freaks out when I tell her anything, and then as a defense mechanism she makes fun of whatever it is that I've told her.

I switched my major to criminal justice and she freaked out saying well good thing you don't want to be a cop, you were always so sensitive, you'd look pretty dumb crying in the uniform when someone says something mean to you.

Thanks mom.

The Perfect Angel Complex

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Refuse to believe their child could do something wrong. I know a few f*ck ups and their parents are either totally apathetic towards them or no matter what the situation, blame other children or claim its some sort of conspiracy against their child.

Never Wrong

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Refuse to apologize or admit when they're wrong to their kids or to other people in front of their kids.

Your children will remember all the times you hurt their feelings and then tried to pretend like it never happened. They will remember the cashier you yelled at for a mistake that you made but wouldn't say sorry for. They'll either turn into an assh*le or they'll overcompensate and feel responsible for everything that goes wrong because you set a horrible example.

This Double Dose

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My mom was overly paranoid of everything, and my dad refused to acknowledge when he was wrong, take your pick.

Not Your Therapist

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My mom didn't have any friends when I was growing up so she used me as her therapist. My mom would ask me what I thought she should do about big life decisions when I was in middle school. It was such a burden on a 12 year old. When I finally told her I didn't want her to do that anymore because it upset me and made me uncomfortable she basically guilted the f--- outta me because "she had no one else to talk to." It also didn't help that most of the time she was venting to me about my own dad.

An Honest Mistake

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Screaming at your kid for fessing up to an honest mistake.

I accidentally broke a window when I was 5 and told the truth about it. I was promptly spanked pretty vigorously and sent to my room and told to stay in there.

What did I take away from that? Lie if it prevents you from getting into any sort of trouble. I was a pretty dishonest kid for years after that.

"Why Can't You Be More Like..."

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Comparing them to other kids, especially siblings.

No kid likes to hear "Why can't you be more like so and so."

It's just so damaging. Your child is not so and so, they will never be so and so. Just help them along with being who they are.

Have Your Kids Back

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Never standing up for them. Parents shouldn't be fixing their kid's every fuck up but they should be there for their kid when they get bullied. It's hard for kids to trust their parents if they can't be certain they have their back.

So much is said about helicopter parenting, but there's also the parent who just can't be bothered and comes up with excuses to do nothing.

If your kid arrives home breathless every day for two weeks and complains that a group of four older bullies chased them all the way home, don't give the kid the third degree under the presumption that your six-year-old must have provoked it, then tell your kid to ignore it and go back to reading your book. That's a cop-out.

Parents Little Doormat

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Train their kids to be doormats. Drop what you're doing and do whatever I or any adult you know tells you to is a reasonable rule for a 5 year-old, but tons of parents continue to enforce that upon teenagers because it's more convenient to them for their teenagers to be doormats, and then big shock, they grow up to be adult doormats, unable to stand up for themselves or even assert their own desires.


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Once I got to the age where I was formulating my own opinions and not just parroting hers, I realized we were always having two different conversations. I was having a give and take, and she was having a pissing contest. If I said something she didn't like or didn't know how to respond to, she'd shift the focus onto some perceived negative about me and belittle me. Conversations about politics turned into how I'm only a Democrat because I'm entitled. I'm pro-choice because I'm a slut. I'm atheist because I'm lazy and want to be cool. Yadda yadda.

News flash, this just means your kids will stop f*cking talking to you about anything more than the weather. Don't do this.

Too Much Freedom

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Giving a kid freedom as a teenager is key. However, giving a kid so much freedom that you essentially check out from any sort of parental role is bad parenting that ultimately leads to the kid trying to make life decisions without any real guidance and somewhat fucks up their life.

It's Their Lives Not Yours

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My mother wanted to be a professional tennis player but she wasn't good enough for it. She tried to make me take up tennis but I got out of it because I was also doing Karate at the time and I said if I did both I wouldn't do well in school. Recently, she has managed to mold my brother into liking tennis and she even pays (mostly foreign) college students to play tennis with him and train him. When my cousin and I talked to him about it, he said he didn't even like Tennis and he was just being forced to live out her unfulfilled dream.

Sexual Anatomy

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Making sex and sexual anatomy taboo. Parents who refuse to talk to their kids and write it off as "embarrassing" are doing their kids a huge disservice,

I actually just posted a PSA about it in the parenting sub yesterday. My son woke up yesterday with extreme pain in his testicles. We ended up rushing to the hospital and found out his has testicular torsion. They were able to do surgery and he'll be as good as new shortly. The doctor told us that his last 3 cases of testicular torsion involved having to remove the testicle because the person waited to long. All three were teens around my son's age and all were too embarrassed to speak up sooner. Don't do that to your kids. It could cost them their ball(s).

Privacy, Please

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Besides the obvious abusive answers, invading the kid's privacy. My mom (along with many other parents) would read my texts sometimes and confront me about them. I never felt comfortable locking my door, it was always associated with being angry or spiteful. I didn't even realize knocking was normal.

It kind of messed up my idea of privacy in relationships. Didn't really think snooping was that wrong for a while.

Older Siblings Are Not Parents

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Pass on the bulk of the parenting of younger siblings onto the older ones. You signed up for this and it is incredibly gross to expect your child to take on an unpaid part to full time job because you didn't realize it would be a lot of work.

With any luck, your child will only resent you and not their siblings.

"Clean Your Plate"

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Forcing your kids to eat when they're not hungry is really, really unhealthy.

I know so many people (myself included) who had parents or grandparents who insisted they "clean their plate". Growing up, I didn't really eat when I was hungry. I ate at mealtimes, and I ate everything on my plate. That's just how I was brought up.

My parents meant well, I know. They fed me pretty healthy foods, so it's not like I was being force-fed Big Macs. They didn't want me to waste food and they wanted to make sure I was getting enough nutrition. So I don't fault their intentions.

But it's only now, when I'm almost 30, that I'm actually figuring out how to decide whether or not I'm actually hungry. I ate "by the clock" for so long that I never really learned how to pay attention to my own body and follow its cues for deciding when to eat and how much. I'm working on that now, but it's surprisingly difficult to figure that stuff out when you're not used to it.

Lots of people end up with lifelong weight issues because they had parents or family members who pushed them to ignore what their body was telling them and just keep eating past the point of satiation. It's really hard to unlearn that shit.

Parents should, as much as possible, let their kids decide when to eat and how much they want to eat. I think it's OK to impose some restrictions, like telling your kid, "If you don't want to eat anymore of your lunch, that's OK, but you won't be getting anything else until dinnertime." But you have to let kids stop eating when they decide they aren't hungry anymore.

Stop Yelling

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Yelling. There's very little reason to yell, it's one of the easier ways out of a hard situation. If your child's doing something wrong then reason with them as a parent talking to a child, don't jump straight to yelling at them to stop without any rhyme or reason.

Even if it's something they didn't do wrong like got lost or they got hurt, why yell at them over your concern for them being okay? Why make them feel worse, and that it's their fault?

Obviously it's hard and the fact that you have to do it every day, all the time is even harder, but try your best to be that role model for your kids. Don't have them grow up and shutter or cringe every time they hear a loud noise or loud footsteps. There's no reason to grow anxiety into a child.

Tough Love

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Say something incredibly damaging to a child's self esteem (ie "You're fat and you need to lose weight etc") and then when the child speaks up about their hurt feelings about it, turn the blame on them and cover up their words under the guise of "It's just tough love"

Just that phrase in particular "It's just tough love" alone really screwed me up for the longest time. Because I just kept taking verbal abuse after verbal abuse from my mom for years thinking it was just "tough love"

Caving To Tantrums

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Give in when kid is being demanding or throwing a tantrum. And I don't mean giving in once in a while to keep the peace in a public place, I mean every time.

I found a dollar outside once when I was about 9, I was with my 4-5 year old neighbor who got really jealous and demanded I give it to her. I refused (I found a dollar and I'm a 9 year old that's a big deal!) and she ran home to her mom upset and about to cry. Her mom tried to explain that I found it, so it was mine only one time before she solved the issue by grabbing a dollar from her purse and tossing it into the bushes while her daughters back was turned. "Hey look! There's another one! Now you found one too!"

That kid was a nightmare with a very warped definition of "fairness."

If it were an isolated incident I wouldn't have thought twice. It was not, she was spoiled rotten and her favorite way to handle "no" was hitting, scratching, hair pulling, and biting. Discipline wasn't really a thing in her house. She was an actual nightmare child and she didn't outgrow it for a long, long time.

Also consider this: the lesson this little girl is learning is that the world will bend to her will whenever she gets upset, not only will Mom and Dad give her what she demands, but apparently so will the universe.

H/T: Reddit

People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley


"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt


"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."


"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."


Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."


"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip


"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User


– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"


Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."



"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."


Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."



The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."


This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.



"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."



"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”



"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"


"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"


The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."


Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."


Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.


"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.