When people ask me what my job is, I always tell them that I get paid to talk mad sh*t on the internet. Sure, there's a lot more to it but that's the gist, right?
When it comes down to it, a lot of us have careers or jobs that can be boiled down to something that sounds a little bit bonkers. Reddit user NazgulMarmot (which is a great mental picture, by the way) posed a challenge to Reddit:
Grossly oversimplify your job description. What is it?
People were totally down to play, and it turns out a lot of us have jobs that kind of make no sense when you reduce things to their simplest terms. See if you can figure out what these people do base on their descriptions - and enjoy some of the guesses Reddit users had.
Management
I'm paid to be nice while people yell at me.
Hotelmanager. It is a lot of fun though, people love my stories at parties. They gather round like I'm telling stories by a camp fire.
- Drew-
Gently
I crash planes as softly as possible.
A polite terrorist?
I'm an aircraft commander/pilot.
A Barista And The Magic Beans
GiphyI sell people magic beans to help them stay awake.
- luckyninja110
Drug dealer?
Barista?
So your a drug-dealing barista?
- Mattx8y
Just Guessing
I guess what numbers are going to be.
- queuedUp
You sit at a bar in Oregon and play digital keno?
Data / Analytics - Forecasting?
Yes! Ding Ding Ding!
- queuedUp
Maybe Blood?
Put things into people, get things out of people. Then: laugh about some random shit. And maybe blood.
Porn star?
ER nurse lol.
You Just Said That
I listen to people and tell them about what they just told me.
- AyoRobo
Therapist?
Consultant?
Nah, Just a student.
- AyoRobo
Chef Grandma
I'm everyone's Grandma. Only angry, sleep deprived, over caffeinated and at times intoxicated. I'm a restaurant chef.
- _Monotropa_Uniflora
That does sound like my grandma...
Close Enough
I make copies.
Cloning technician?
Photocopier operator?
- Wyrmczar
Close enough, I'm a secretary.
Better Numbers
GiphyYou give me numbers I give you better numbers
Number repair technician?
Corrupt lotto official?
Data analyst, you tell me what machines you've got and how much you use them I'll tell you what parts you need on the shelf
People Imagine How Their Ex Would Tell The Story Of Their Relationship's Demise
"Reddit user U_PassButter asked: 'Let your Ex tell the story; why did your relationship end?'"
Breaking up is hard to do.
In fact, it's one of life's hardest things.
It sucks when love is over.
But the story is always interesting.
And there is always more than one side to the tale.
When couples retell the fall of their fairytale there is always different aspects and details mentioned.
Everyone has their own view.
And it's always best to hear both.
Or is it?
Redditor U_PassButter wanted to hear several sides of a break-up story, so they asked:
"Let your Ex tell the story; why did your relationship end?"
I don't want to know what embellishments my exes would say.
I was perfect.
Just Stop
Cardi B Applause GIF by Recording Academy / GRAMMYsGiphy"He needs to stop being so possessive and controlling. If I wanna f**k my coworker after a shift and take him back to the house and have you catch us. I fully expect you to be okay with all of it."
Initial-Attorney-578
The Privilege
“Well, the real problem was that that a**hole, aknightwhosaysnope, didn’t trust me. If he had trusted me, he never would have looked at my phone and uncovered the affair I’ve been having with one of his best friends, and I could continue to f**k that dude while allowing aknightwhosaysnope the privilege of paying my bills. What a d**k.”
aknightwhosaysnope
In April
“'I changed my phone password because I felt like it. If you need to use it I’ll open it for you.'”
"Cut to April she’s living in NY with her new boyfriend and I’m being served divorce papers. They had been dating for 6 months while we were married."
"The pandemic definitely changed some people, some for the better, but not all."
PissyMillennial
On a Saturday...
"I deliberately picked a fight just like I do every Saturday, to force him to apologize and treat me like a princess for the rest of the weekend. But this time, when I suggested that he didn't love me and we should just break up, he actually had the nerve to agree! I couldn't believe it - that line had always worked in the past to at least get roses and a gift."
"He's such an a**hole - I even refused to leave for a while, giving him the chance to apologize to me and take it back, but he was so stubborn and just flat-out refused!"
"Even when I kept calling his phone over and over from my car, insisting that we spend one last night together, he wouldn't let me back inside his place. I still can't believe that. He owed it to me to at least hold me one more time. I even told him that, and he was still a stubborn jacka** about it."
The_Law_of_Pizza
Why can't people just go to therapy?
Find yourself in trouble.
That's where you're heading.
Not Loyal
Its Over GIFGiphy"It was long distance, I avoided all girls as she said, stayed loyal, yet one day I felt she was down, asked what's worrying you? She told me she kissed her BFF and cheated on me, a day later she ended it."
lunar_pilot
Try
"I didn't try hard enough because I couldn't handle the pressure and stress of raising 4 children all under 9 years old, a full-time job, a part-time job, all household maintenance and upkeep, and an alcoholic partner who contributed nothing to the family or the household and drank his entire paycheck every week."
Feral_Attitude
Nothing Happened
"For some reason, he didn't like that I was cuddling with my best friend on the couch. He got it into his head that I was cheating on him (or close to doing it) and decided to end the relationship. Nothing ever happened with my friend, nor did I want it to. The fact that I immediately moved with him to another country was just a coincidence."
Tiny-Device-1127
10 Years Later
"My ex (34 F) after our ten-year marriage ended: 'He was a lovely partner, most of the time. But, his depression got a hold and he just quit enjoying anything at all, including time with me. He hated himself. I couldn't put myself through it anymore'...
"Thankfully, I've (34 M) done a ton of work and found a sense of peace, and I finally love myself. It's been a couple of years now, so, the hurt has (mostly) worn off. We have to co-parent anyway, but, I've found a new friend in my ex. She really did always care about me, even if we struggled to communicate this to each other, while we were together."
nickatnite511
Sins
New Girl Facepalm GIF by HULUGiphy"Apparently being committed to one person while dating is obsessive and to care about them even a little bit after the fact is an unforgivable sin."
TooYoungToBeThisOld1
Dating will be the death of everyone.
And apparently, so will love.
Things Poor People Loved Until The Rich Ruined Them For Everyone
They say money can't buy happiness, but it seems it can make a lot of other people miserable.
Whether it's the housing crisis or the high cost of living, people are pointing at the 1% to accuse them of ruining things for the 99% in a multitude of ways.
Reddit user degreeofvariation asked:
"What was loved by poor people until rich people ruined it?"
Accommodations
"Living in warehouses in the industrial, rundown side of town."
"historic brick warehouse gets torn down"
"Coming soon: Lofts"
~ SpecialpOps
"Yes! They tore down all the real lofts to build condos they call lofts."
~ StrainAcceptable
"Living in arty neighborhoods."
~ hinterstoisser
"This is what I was looking for. Creative poor people have been investing in poor neighborhoods forever."
"They use their talent to make it a cool place they enjoy living in. The rich say 'Hey, I want to be cool, let's buy this'."
"And then they price the poor out of the haven they created and turn it into a stale, crowded, overpriced place."
~ TwiceBaked57
"Dude what I find so frustrating about this is that when they move in, the corporations move in with them."
"Next thing you know, the cute cafe you liked so much is an apple store; the good thrift shop down the street got eaten up by a new whole foods; and the entire neighborhood has lost its soul."
~ Hollz23
"One of my favorite record stores just got evicted because their landlord sold the building to a bank that wants to be in the arts district."
~ Imakereallyshittyart
"Which will lead it to no longer being an 'arts' district."
~ Quacker_please
"Quiet out of the way country cabins sitting by lakes."
"Now they are over priced Airbnbs."
~ amyaurora
"I'd even say Airbnbs themselves. They started as a potentially cheap alternative to hotels run by people who have extra space they aren't doing anything with."
"Now people build guest houses specifically for Airbnb and treat It like a full on rental."
~ Jarf_17
"Van life and tiny house living."
~ Cooper_brain
"I live in my sh*tty van after almost being evicted from my apartment."
"Every once in a while I'll meet a rich couple with $100,000 van conversions and they ask me 'what's your build like??'."
"I'm like, there's a mattress and not much else. Can be truly offensive at times."
~ Tangelo_12
Shopping
"Etsy."
~ tattooedroller
"There are SO many accounts for cheap mass produced crap that you could get on a bunch of other websites as well."
"No, I come to Etsy for homemade stuff and support artistic individuals."
~ Physical-Primary-256
"I no longer use Etsy because of how terrible the platform has become (for buyers as well as sellers)."
"If you still want to use Etsy, always do a reverse image search on the product you are considering, and also look on Aliexpress, Alibaba, Amazong, and Ebay to see if you can find the same item there."
"Most of the time you can. And for less money too."
"Etsy is still coasting on the 'handmade' reputation but most of the listings that I've seen in the past 5+ years are for cheap factory-made stuff."
~ almalauha
"Going to the farmers market."
~ M-Squared804
"I went to a farmer's market where only one vendor was selling fruits and vegetables. There were three boutique honey stands."
~ randompedestrian382
"That's what our markets are turning into as well. It's gone from local farmers and affordable produce to artisanal creations for the elite."
~ KeepOnRising19
"Ebay. It used to be so useful to get all kinds of cheap or unique things."
"Then more and more big commercial sellers joined the club and eventually ebay itself forgot about what and who made their platform a success in the first place."
~ onesmilematters
"It was a treasure trove. I remember just searching for random things I had as a kid. Imported music. Some nights I would just sort and see what was selling for a penny within the next 10mins or so."
"My sister and I were still in high school in '98 and we would just browse for HOURS as if we were walking around a store. But that rating was so important. We took great pride in that and showed the same respect to others."
"Now I am constantly upset and disappointed by the entire process."
~ idontwantanamern
"Thrift shopping."
"I'm not "✨ thrifting✨ I'm f'kin broke."
~ Elduroto
"Sometimes I feel like it's cheaper to buy clothes at Target or Walmart brand new than it is to buy from a thrift store."
~ Urchintexasyellow
"I blame the thrift stores for the shift. They literally pay nothing for their inventory, and pay barely over minimum wage in most places."
"Several times I’ve gone to thrift stores and seen items at or above what they cost brand new from the original retailer. Damn grift stores."
~ mrRabblerouser
Charities
"Food banks. My local food bank put out a news article basically saying that rich people need to stop using the food bank as a 'life hack' to lower their grocery bills."
~ ConfidantlyCorrect
"There were stories in the UK throughout the pandemic about it: those that needed it were having to walk to the Food Bank to get what they needed, but there was also people turning up in BMW's, Range Rovers. etc..."
~ Scotsgit73
"OMG. That's so evil. Some people really have no conscience."
~ BettyBoopWallflower
"I used to volunteer at a soup kitchen at a church, and it was kinda well known as having great food because the whole kitchen staff were actually a team of chefs from a nearby well known restaurant."
"They volunteered at the soup kitchen so they used it as like experience for some of their newer chefs etc...."
"Soon word got out that the food was good and you started seeing expensive cars pop up in the parking lot every now and then till they started coming more and more till one day like....80-100 rich people came and like basically ate so much that we ran out of food and had to let almost 50 homeless people go without food to starve that day."
"These rich people were literally coming to a SOUP KITCHEN for a free meal they don't need and literally preventing homeless people who, some of them this is their only meal in like 2 days, from getting food."
"AND WE TOLD THEM."
"We told them like we have a limited amount of food, we want to prioritize the homeless and those who don't have food security."
"Next week, the rich people would ignore us and bring even more of their friends."
"Plus it's not even like we got more donations once the rich people started coming either. F'k em."
~ ezodochi
Counterculture
"Counterculture-based festivals."
"Burning Man was on my bucket list until rich f'ks started showing up with bodyguards and started establishing private zones."
~ hgaben90
"Counterculture as a whole seems to be getting gentrified."
"In the Netherlands there are a lot of places you can go to that have a 'counterculture aesthetic', or more specifically 'squat aesthetic' but have exorbitant prices."
"Squatting used to be huge and multiple venues in the Netherlands (like Paradiso and Melkweg) have their humble beginnings as a squat. Ruigoord, a village close by Amsterdam that got squatted 50 years ago, also completely lost it's soul and is filled with yuppies."
"Counter culture is being gentrified, sanitised and sold back to people at exorbitant prices as something 'new, weird and hip'."
~ whazzar
Transportation
"Pickup trucks. They used to be much cheaper."
~ NCBadAsp
"They're luxury commuter vehicles for guys who think a $90,000 truck that will never see a dirt road is a smart move."
~ HauntedCemetery
Is there an affordable item you once loved that got expensive once it got popular?
Share it in the comments.
As consumers, we all know that we're going to buy something at some point that doesn't turn out to be as pretty or be as functional and reliable as the advertisements, supposed testimonials, and commercials lead us to think they will be.
But some products prove to be such a letdown, we might even wonder what this thing was made for in the first place, or who bothered to approve its production.
Redditor Stay-Thirsty asked:
"What product was so poorly designed that you suspect the team that made it never even used the product?"
The Seal on the Baby Wipes
"Baby wipes."
"Hey, you know when a good time to struggle with opening a package that says it has perforations but really doesn't? When you're dealing with poop."
"You want one? Here's a chunk of 20."
"You want a bunch? Here's a tiny ripped corner."
"You have 10 left on a trip and need to conserve? Too bad motherf**ker, here's the rest of the pack. Get your tired a** to CVS."
- Miklay83
Hard-to-Navigate Intersections
"Some road intersections make me wonder if the engineers have actually ever driven a vehicle."
- imdstuf
Not as Easy as Making Mac and Cheese
"The perforated corner of a Kraft Mac and cheese box."
- thebeast1022
"I want to start a guerrilla journalism YouTube that ambushes CEOs and makes them open one of their company’s products, and then asks them, 'Is that the first impression you want your company to make?'"
- Ferrous_Patella
Scheduling in Laundry
"The Bluetooth app connectivity for my washing machine (I didn't really want that feature, but it was a last-minute substitution)."
"If the wash cycle takes longer than the initial estimate, the start time changes rather than the time remaining estimate, so it's never clear how much longer the cycle needs to go."
"Now, I just don't bother with the app."
- dragon2611
Just Trying to Do the Laundry
"My clothes dryer. It has touch controls that are designed in such a way that you pretty much have to guess what you're supposed to touch (nothing visibly looks like a button), and when turned on has an inexplicable 10-or-more-second delay before the touch controls work."
"So then you have to basically poke it all over the place without even knowing if it's the right place to poke or if you simply need to wait for nothing to happen. I mean, that's what I think, at least, but can't be sure since there seriously is no visual indication of anything."
"There's also a numerical display which I assumed was related to the time left until it's done, but I've been using it for almost two years now and I still have no clue what those numbers are meant to indicate. They certainly don't correlate with any time units I'm aware of."
- malsomnus
Feminine Hygiene, Galling Design
"Sanitary pads."
"Especially ones advertised as 'zero bunching,' they most certainly do bunch up! They will go straight up your bum crack. They can only have been designed by someone who doesn't use them to have made that claim."
- ArcadiaRivea
"They’re also so short and not wide enough and never stay. If I wear one and I’m planning to sit, I have to layer two lengthwise and make sure both have wings to fold over the underside. And even then it will somehow shift by one millimeter giving the blood a direct escape route."
- 0techsavvy
No Commitment to Their Own Product
"I’m reminded of this book, 'Disrupted,' I once read by a former tech reporter who claims most of the industry is bulls**t."
"In one of the chapters, he talked about going to the Google headquarters for an event shortly after Google Glass came out. The event was centered around the product and lots of attendees were wearing their pair, but the author noted that not a single Google employee who was hosting the event was wearing Google Glass."
"That’s when he said he knew the product was doomed."
- srstone71
So Appropriate
"All iterations of Skype after Microsoft bought it."
- JoeS830
"Skype for Business."
"Never has a product been less appropriate or ready for business use."
- suivethefirst
Wheelchair Accessibility
"My mom's had three wheelchairs."
"They all suck. The brake lever mechanism invariably interferes with the footrests. On her current one, the brake lever mechanism is curved, so it's pretty good. I think it could still be better."
"I'm surprised they're not better. I definitely feel like given my experience I could design a much better wheelchair than anything on the market under $1,000.00."
- stevejust
Searching for Movies
"Streaming services search engines? You can literally have 10k to 50k things to watch, but there is absolutely no way to do an in-depth search."
"It doesn’t have to be through a mobile app, maybe an online connection through a website. But if I want to find a show that was running in the late 90s and I know it was science fiction, why can’t I do that?"
"So much content I might want to watch but can’t find it."
- Stay-Thirsty
"I can actually answer this one. They don't want you to watch all those old shows you love. They want you to watch one of the hundred new shows in the 'trending now' section that makes them the most money and best supports their interests."
- bird_man_73
Something as Simple as a Trash Can
"My kitchen trash can. It is one sold by Glad specifically for their bigger, extra-strong 20-gallon trash bags. It is not particularly cheap."
"It looks good, but the design of it is what you might expect if you told aliens what a trash can is and they designed one without ever seeing it. How it holds the bag basically causes you to lose four gallons of capacity and have to risk tearing the bag or spilling its contents every time you go to remove it."
"It also has a trash bag holder that is so narrow, you have to feed it trash bags one at a time, completely defeating the point. And if you try to compact the trash a bit, you're almost guaranteed to tear the 'tear-resistant' bag."
"Such a poor design."
- samanime
False Sense of Safety
"My new iron. Has a restart if you tip it over after it’s timed out. So if you accidentally leave it plugged in and it gets knocked over by accident (pet or child bumps the board, the wind knocks something over knocking the iron over) it starts up while face down."
- tangcameo
"That literally defeats the entire purpose of the time-out safety feature..."
- DrSchmolls
"It's a time-in unsafety feature."
- hockey_metal_signal
Needlessly Complicated Software
"Software drivers for basically any HP printer made in the last three decades."
- ThadisJones
"Holy crap, YES! I work in IT and I hate how bloated those stupid drivers are. No, I don't want 'HP Device Experience' or whatever the h**l that is, and I don't want to have to download a 300MB bloated pile of steaming crap when all I need is for Joe Q. Employee to send documents through to the printer on his desk."
"God, I miss the days of those LaserJet 2500s with their universal PCL drivers. So simple. And those were like the Volvo 240 of printers. Freaking TANKS."
- marcfonline
Excellent Waterproofing
"I just bought a waterproof cargo bag for the roof of my car that was fairly expensive."
"The Velcro that keeps the zipper protected was just GLUED ON, not stitched and sealed."
"The very first time I opened the bag all the Velcro came off because the attraction to itself was stronger than the adhesive bond to the vinyl bag."
"It’s like there was absolutely zero product testing, but I’m sure it was 5 cents cheaper to make it glued rather than stitched. How could something like this have ever been allowed to leave the factory?"
- Dustmopper
More Testing Time
"My vacuum cleaner. The hose is mounted at a downward angle and it's impossible to pull it along as you go; it keeps going to the side or even flipping over instead."
"It takes one minute of use to notice this, but I guess they only tested it for 30 seconds."
- DaoNight23
We've all experienced a flop of a product from time to time that was supposed to be really good, but some are so bad, we have to wonder how they were approved in the first place.
It's clear why these Redditors were so upset by the products they shared. From impractical use to unreliability, there's no wonder these consumers were questioning the product's quality check.
Diners have their favorite restaurants to go to when they don't feel like preparing dinner at home after a long day at work.
There's something comforting about hitting your go-to dining establishment and greeting familiar faces and favorite entrees.
And while customers are quick to rave about and recommend the restaurants to friends and family, they can be just as passionate about the places they avoid like the plague for various reasons.
Curious to hear about these nightmare establishments, Redditor PuzzleheadedFix8972 asked:
"What restaurants do you refuse to go to and why?"
For most Redditors, buffets are a no-go.
A Customer's Touch
"Golden Corral. Walked into one once in Florida. A small kid walking past the food bar was putting his hand in every tray he passed. Out we go."
– Ardothbey
"I am mildly surprised Golden Corral wasn't a victim of the pandemic. Like who on earth would eat there from March 2020 on?"
– Robbylution
The Buffet Worker
"I knew a girl who worked at a buffet. On busy days they would have an employee hover looking for gross people. People using the serving spoon to take a little taste to see if they like it, grab food try it and don't like it and put it back, fingers in pudding all kinds of nasty sh*t. I don't eat at them anymore."
– Yaniji1923
Pro Tip
"Go right when they first open. Actually, show up before they open and be the first one in, that’s about as close to safe as you can be."
– YoghurtSnodgrass
Chain restaurants are not any better according to these folks.
Boo To Applebee's
"Applebee’s - was a fry cook there."
– Jfonzy
"Was a server there. What a temple to mediocrity."
– budda_belly
"Applebee's - when I'm too lazy to use my own microwave."
– FlattenInnertube
Fallen Quality
"Panera Bread, extremely overpriced, bland food."
– wyoflyboy68
"Thing is it used to be really good. Then they got bought by a VC and did a speed run into serving the cheapest, food-like meals ever to squeeze as much margin as possible out of the place."
"It’s like that scene in The Founder when his future wife convinced Ray Kroc to sell powdered milkshakes instead of the real deal. The VC that bought Panera did that with the entire menu."
– Doctor_Kat
People Don't Go For The Food
"Hooters. Waiting 45 minutes for a hamburger and baked beans and then immediately having diarrhea doesn't do anything for me."
– bravesgeek
"It's because they put all of their effort into the gimmick of "HoT wOmAn!!!" instead of serving actually good food."
– AverageFurryFemboy
Fake Italian
"Olive Garden."
"They know why."
– liltrixxy
"My friend’s mom is a little old lady from Sicily and her favorite restaurant is Olive Garden."
"Totally not joking."
– YinzaJagoff
"Because it's a loud place were everytime you clean your plate someone comes out and puts more on it just like any Italian dinner."
– Zkenny13
"They All Suck"
"Noodle & Company and Chili’s I honestly don’t know what I am supposed to order in either of these restaurants. They got so many things and they all suck."
"Oh and Pizza Hut because their pizza sucks."
– Soup_and_Rice
It can't get any worse than some fast food joints.
Do They Do Chicken Right?
"KFC. I dont know why but I get sick an hour later every time."
"Churches doesn't do this."
"Popeyes doesn't do this."
– Wolfman01a
"I went to KFC once and i took ONE bite of the chicken and literal blood was coming out. Ordered another one. SAME THING. Ordered another one! Guess what.. SAME THING. Never going to KFC ever again."
– Reddit
Bad Reputations
"Subway - because of food poisoning & there are better sub places in our town."
"Golden Corral - food has always been subpar & I always felt sick after leaving…and not due to overeating."
– amyria
"This is also my two for the same reasons. I got food poisoned by subway twice in a row 20 years ago. Never been back, never will be back."
"Golden corral is so bad. I won't go for any reason. Not even because old great uncle whoever wants to see all the relatives and I'll make him sad if I don't come and get free food. If I wanted to serve people food of that low quality, I could just go to Sam's club and hit the freezer isle. Most of their items are the same processed heat and serve junk."
– Illogical-logical
Have It Your Way
"Will pass on BK. It's always been the participation trophy of fast food."
"Wendy's has gone downhill severely, especially the wait times (I might be overly critical because I worked there one summer)."
– zoinks690
Panda Express used to be my favorite default mall food court choice.
Until I got sick from their beef broccoli once and felt bloated for hours. I realized that with age, my body wasn't able to break down everything I was consuming there.
As a teenage patron everything there used to be so flavorful.
But then my tastes changed after I found out why eating there is the worst thing for your body.
Their highly-caloric dishes are also known to be extremely high in sodium, which if eaten frequently can lead to all sorts of health issues–including obesity and heart disease.
Buh-bye, P.E.