How much does environment affect all of us? Will it weave essence into the people we'll be? Most definitely. That isn't necessarily a bad thing but it is smart to acknowledge the facts. People who come from embattled backgrounds never leave their story behind. It permeates into the tapestry and DNA of everyone of us.... just like every background.
Redditor u/Clineman12 wanted to hear from people who had to fight their way out of rough beginnings by asking.... To people who've lived in a rough neighborhood (places with gang violence and stuff). What challenges did you face on a day to day basis? What experiences have stayed with you?
Go Figure....
Don't get shot.
I moved after I could hear regular gunfire. So I moved to a nice neighborhood and ironically 3 days after moving in, somebody smashed the passenger window of my car and stole $2.50 in change. The cops said they were looking for drug money and yet I had just moved out of drug central in my city and never had anyone break into my car. Go figure. bibliophile_75
Hide your things....
I will add having to walk several blocks to an area where delivery drivers (like pizza) would meet you because they would not go further into your neighborhood. Same with cabs/ubers. Knowing who belongs there is a big one. You know who the regular dealers are etc, if you see a new person around that raises suspicion because they could be trouble. Keeping the possessions you really cared about locked up (not in car, in home) because break ins happen. I personally kept my POS car unlocked because I could not afford to replace broken window. Nothing in it was worth anything and it never has gotten stolen.
Before I had a car, getting groceries was hard. Like another person said, grocery stores were not close by, just overpriced ghetto marts (corner stores). Even catching a bus was hard because there was less service in my area than in other parts of the city. Violence was present, but not something that bothered me, maybe I was used to it. I have had an armed escort home several times when I found myself in the middle of a gang dispute. Each time a few fellows who knew I lived near called a truce of sorts and would walk me home. Not that I was particularly special, I think they did that to others who happened to be out late. Vicsinn
Do you hear the Sounds?
The ability to distinguish between gunshots, firecrackers, and a car turning over stays with me to this day, even as my neighborhood gets safer. harperavenue
Resting B Face For Life!
Giphy
After i got jumped i learned that looking stronger keeps people away a little bit. Always be ready for something to happen. Stabiel
I kept a constant look that I am pissed. Still have this habit. casual_explorer
Just say... Nothing!
Never giving passersby on sidewalks a moment or a reason to continue a conversation. A frequent thing would be people heckling me as I walked to/from school.
"Hey man can I use your phone."
"I don't have a phone" without slowing down. And things like that. icewithatee
The World is Scary....
Couple years ago I was leaving my house for Uni when I heard a huge bashing sound coming from my neighbors house, who I didn't know well but had always seen around and chatted to occasionally. I lived with my bro and it was a rough neighborhood with lots of break-ins and fights so I always tried to keep my head down and be polite. Anyway, I had a look and saw a guy (who later turned out to be a plain clothed policeman) with a battering ram breaking into the house.
Police then swarmed the house and removed about 4 women (who looked like they had been abused), a whole bunch of dudes, and a shit-tonne of drugs and weapons. Turns out they were running a brothel and had been monitored by police for months. I knew something dodgy was going on because guys would come and go in the middle of the night and could always smell weed, but I had no idea it was that serious. Turns out they were keeping the women hooked on drugs and threatened them if they ever leaves the house. Scary stuff.
Was always polite to them and kept my head down whenever possible. This was in the UK but I guess the same thing would work anywhere else.
Edit: This took place in Leeds. Love the debates in the comments, also love seeing everyone assume it was the midlands. My mum is from the Black Country and I can't stand seeing it's good name dragged through the mud :) meat_on_a_hook
Off the Radar....
How normal it seemed until I was out from under that. You grow up knowing how to stay off the radar and not bother the wrong people. You see wild, crazy, scary things on the regular, and learn to keep your mouth shut and pretend you didn't. You are just a kid, like any other kid, but you have to be preternaturally aware of the relationships and hierarchies and happenings around you all the time to make sure you don't end up in the wrong place at the wrong time. For example, there was a guy who let his big mean dogs (I don't remember the breed) run loose in the neighborhood, but the dogs respected boundaries in terms of how close you could get to their house before you got your throat torn out. Stay far enough aware and they just sat watching you, with the occasional menacing growl. I spent the year we lived there thinking it was perfectly normal that I couldn't walk home from school on that one side of the street on penalty of death. It's just what happens. It's just your normal. Reneeisme
Broken Glass....
I got my car broken into several times so they could steal absolutely nothing out of it. I generally had like a burned CD and mayyyybe a dollar in coins each time.
But still had to clean up the glass and buy a new window each time. Eventually just started leaving the doors unlocked so I wouldn't have to replace the window.
Edit: This sometimes caused people to break in and sleep there or smoke in there since it was unlocked. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it but it's better than paying for new windows. effieokay
I'll walk...
Giphy
The biggest thing for my ignorant teenaged self was that nobody would want to drive me home because they'd be too scared. Once a friend's car broke down in my neighborhood and got guns pulled on him. Guess who never got rides again after that? wtfudg3
But we should also be prepared and ready to ask the right questions to have a leg up on the competition.
"What is THE best question to ask on a job interview?"
A company's history or information about a past employee were suggested subjects appropriate for questioning.
Prior Knowledge
"When you were interviewing here, what would you have liked to know before you joined?"
"This worked for me. I asked my interviewer a question about how she had personally dealt with a company policy she had just explained. She bragged about her stellar adherence to the policy. I nodded my approval. I got the job."
A Previous Employee
"One that has always gone over well for me:"
"What were some qualities that the previous employee in this role brought to the job that you would like to see carried forward?"
"Another good thing to do is research the company you are interviewing with and you can ask things about what they may be involved in or you could drop that while reading about the company, you wondered this."
Hypothetical questions were suggested as helpful examples of inquiry.
Indicators Of How Companies Treat Employees
"A question that landed me a job once was: 'If I asked your direct reports about your management style, what do you think they'd tell me?' Stumped a hiring manager and he emailed me personally to tell me about it, no one ever asked him that question but got the job.
"In my current interviews I'm asking 'what did your company do for its employees during [the virus] to improve their day to day, work life balance, etc.' and I ask 'Is there anything your company adopted during [the virus] that they plan to keep post [the virus]?"
"These questions give a lot of insight into whether a company treated their employees well."
Past Performance & Adjustments
"If we were currently sitting in my 1 year review, what would I have done in this year for you to say I excelled in my role?"
"If I could snap my finger right now and change anything about your job or the company, what would it be and why?"
The following questions about a prospective company may not be answered from initial digging on their website.
Measure Of Success & Career Trajectories
"How is success measured in this role?"
"What are some possible career trajectories within the company that could stem from this position?"
Being A Solution
"Ask them what is the biggest problem you can solve for them in your first six months with the company. Similar to 'don't think of a purple hippo,' this forces them to imagine you succeeding in the position."
Simply The Best
"Who is your best employee and why is he/she the best?"
"You will then face 2 situations mostly:"
"panicking CEO who can't answer you 'Bob who works 17 hours a day for a slice of bread' so the fear in their faces must be a big nono for you"
"entusiast CEO who actually follow their business and can tell you who is an added value for the company and why."
– ThePiz91
My experiences with job interviews are different than others seeking work in office environments.
Having had a years-long career as a dancer, my "interview" was the dance audition, where hopefuls dance in small groups of people at a time after learning a routine and then awaiting their fate after the panel evaluates their performances.
The question I may or may not have asked in such a scenario earlier in my career was: "Did I make the cut?"
I did not make the cut. And I learned never to ask that again.
I remember the worst date I ever had. My biggest regret is that I stayed for the entire thing. I should've left as soon as I realized this was not going well, which was basically at hello. But he was paying so I drank, a lot. I'll keep names and dates to myself to protect the innocent.
0/10
Big Brother Reaction GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy"Went to brewery, date said I had hairy arms and that meant I was horny, said "you look really awful in this light" and then tried to dig out of that hole by saying in his native language that was a term of endearment long term couples said to each other. 0/10 did not date again."
Lucky 13?
"My wife wanted to plan our 13th wedding anniversary. I was excited because usually, I plan it. She bought us some new disc golf discs and after a quick supper, we went to play. We hadn't played in forever. We were laughing and I had a great time. She served me with divorce papers and told me that the date was a test to see if she still had feelings for me. I also learned that she was having an affair that started well before our anniversary."
- rmorlock
Two Hours from Home
"Not necessarily a date but a person I was dating invited me to his parent's house for the afternoon. He wanted to introduce me to them and show me the house he grew up in. I thought it was super sweet and had no problems going. He was also in the middle of moving and needed to pick up a few things, so it really didn't seem that unusual."
"Yeah, we got there and it was awful. His entire family was there. They traveled from hours away too. This was not just meeting the parents, it was meeting the ENTIRE family. Even worse? At some point, this idiot told his parents that he had proposed. We had been dating TWO months. I spent the entire afternoon dumbfounded and just playing along."
"We were two hours from home and I had no cell service, no way to leave at all. We ended up spending the afternoon brainstorming wedding ideas and planning an Alaskan honeymoon that his parents planned to gift us. His brother even called to say congratulations! We drove back to his apartment in silence. When we got there, I got in my car and left, didn't even bother grabbing my stuff. Weirdest experience ever. I have no idea how he broke it to his parents that we weren't getting married."
You're Cut Off!
"Got set up on a blind date once between mutual friends. She shows up to the restaurant already a little tipsy, orders multiple appetizers and only takes like one or two bites from each one. Then she proceeds to order 3 or 4 more drinks and is visibly drunk at this point. She gets up and says she's going to the bathroom and staggers off. About 15-20 minutes go by so I try to call her several times but no answer."
"Finally I decide to pay the check and just leave. About 2 hours later I'm sitting at home and I get a call from an unknown number. It's the police department. She was picked up on a DUI on her way home after she ditched me and gave the cops my number to see if I could go bail her out!"
- mox44ah
Sorry?
Bbc Three Idk GIF by BBCGiphy"Well, I gave this answer on a different topic, but it ties in with this. We were out on a date, we had been seeing each other for a while, close to a year maybe. She gets a phone call. Suddenly she looks destroyed. Her fiancé had just died in a motorcycle accident."
What in the world? I mean how can we ever expect to pair off with the dating pool being inundated with liars and nut jobs? I'm going to delete my apps.
Girl, Bye.
Sassy Beyonce GIFGiphy"Had a girl openly flirt with the bartender in front of me. She says she wasn't. But handing him her own phone and asking for his contact info in front of her date seems like it to me."
Crazy!
"Came out from a movie, late at night, and date's Camaro was stolen. Apparently, he called his WIFE (that I did not know he had) and let her know where he was and what happened. She showed up and realized he was on a date! She started chasing ME around the parking lot telling me she was going to kill me. Saved by the cops who showed up just in time to take the auto theft report."
Hey Mom
"Met a girl at a country bar one night in my 20s. We were both pretty drunk but hit it off pretty good. Ended up getting her number and we agreed we'd go on a real date. Fast forward to the date, she gets in my vehicle and... she looks almost identical to my mom. I was mortified. I was polite and we went for lunch where I found out she also had a boyfriend she "wasn't sure if she was into". Never talked to her again."
- SgtGo
Liars...
"When I was in college many years ago, before the advancement of cell phones and social media, I was chatting with a girl I met on a BBS who lived on Long Island, NY. I was 18 at the time, but lied and said I was 22 because she said she was 25. We spent a few weeks emailing each other, as well as calling each other."
"We even exchanged pics. When we finally met up, things blew up. Turns out we both lied about our ages: She was really 33, and lied because she thought she looked younger. She admitted she sent a college photo to me. We still had dinner together, but it was awkward as hell. We never spoke again."
Doubles
Kill Me Now Season 1 GIF by FriendsGiphy"It was a double date. She was more interested talking to the other girl throughout the whole thing. Found out later from the other guy that his girl cheated on him with my date."
Ummm... I think I'm just going to stay single. That is a handful of crazy. Why can't people just be honest? I swear the search for love warps people's brains. Be careful out there people.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.