Our parents do their best with what they have to raise us. Sometimes, it's harder than usual.

But every once in awhile they really do get it right. Every once in awhile they've done something so well, in fact, that we value it for years and years to come.


u/moonunknown asked:

Children of good parents, what did your parents do right? How were they good parents?

Here were some of those answers.

My Own Cheerleaders

Giphy

My parents are imperfect, but they did a lot of things right. The biggest one that sticks out to me is that they're supportive of things my brother and I like even when they don't understand or like it. They didn't really care for skateboarding, but they spent hundreds of dollars over the years for my brother to enjoy his hobby. They not only helped me get a drum set, but allowed the band to hold practice in our basement and drove us to all our shows. They wanted me to be a lawyer, but they were willing to settle for line cook. It made a difference in the long run, because eventually it helped me realize that I get to make my own choices in life - nothing is laid out for me. I can do whatever I enjoy, and my parents will be there for me, cheering me on.

mgraunk

Never The Fool

I learned a couple valuable lessons from my tough-as-nails father.

1: Don't be afraid to show affection to your children. Tell them you love them. A lot. They need to hear and see it from their father.

2: Give everyone the benefit of the doubt. You don't know why that person is being rude or grumpy. Maybe they just lost a loved one. Maybe they had a fight with their spouse this morning before they left for work.

And 3: If, having given someone the benefit of the doubt, and been extra kind to defuse the situation, they continue to act a fool, you need not be a doormat. Stand up for yourself.

Love you Dad.

iocaine0352

Leading By Example

Impossible to list everything but a few things that stand out to me:

  • They never sheltered me. That covers everything from seeing the diversity of society (rich, poor, healthy, sick, etc) to experiencing my own personal disappointments (losing in sports, saying no when asked to buy me a new video game, etc). I was allowed to grow as an individual. They are always there for support when I needed it, but I was never coddled or protected from things.
  • They lead by example. My parents never expected things out of me that they didn't live by themselves. Whether it was something as simple as being open and honest to our entire family or something more complicated like living within your means, budgeting, and treating all people with total kindness. It's a lot easier as a kid to look-up to your parents when they live their daily lives by the same values they taught me.

kukukele

Discussion Is Key

Taught respect, never played favorites. But the biggest thing was they always explained their actions and were willing to discuss why, and occasionally even change their mind. It was never "no because I said so". I think I didn't really have a rebellious phase because they never really forbid anything, it was always "well you can do that when you don't live here".

UltimateAnswer42

Winning The Adventure Lotto

When I was little we lived near a freeway. I asked my mom one time how far the freeway went, and where we would be if we just got on it and kept driving.

She had a map. Did she show it to me?

Nope. She said, "Let's see". We hopped in the car and drove for hours until we were both tired of it, THEN pulled out the map and found a route home along the shore of one of the US Great Lakes. This was in the 80's, before GPS or cellphones. I was maybe 10 and she let me navigate home.

She could have just told me or shown me on the map without leaving the couch, but she wanted me to know... and maybe she wanted to know herself. That's how she's always been - it's amazing.

Panic_Azimuth

Fairness In All Things

My dad was exceptionally fair. Any conflict would be solved by sitting down and having me evaluate multiple perspectives. If we could reason through an issue and it appeared someone had indeed treated me poorly/done the wrong thing and I was "in the right", he would give me credit for that but then still work with me to find a way to resolve the issue with the other person.

Vice versa, if I was wrong he had a way of conversing with me that made me realise it on my own.

I think this really helped in building some character traits I'm very grateful for, but it also built a child/parent relationship with mutual trust. I felt comfortable approaching my dad about anything. I knew he'd tell me about it if I was wrong, but I also knew he would back me if I was in the right. That was powerful, to feel respected as a teenager. It's only now I'm an adult I realise how that empowerment drove me to be responsible for my own actions rather than blaming the world for not understanding me.

_misst

They Made It Better, Not Worse

When I failed my first year at uni, they didn't get angry or upset. My mom sat down next to me while I was bawling my eyes out in shame and hugged me until I calmed down. She said it wasn't the end of my life, and that she was, and always will be, proud of me.

forgetful-giraffe

It May Be Over But It Ain't Blown Up

When they divorced, they agreed to stay friends for my benefit. They didn't want to destroy everything just because they chose to separate, and after many other families they've witnessed, they decided they didn't want to be like them and have the parents put the child in the middle of everything. So they're friends, they still text, and my dad even came to stay at our house for my birthday (we moved a flight distance away and I have a step-dad now) last year and everything went fine. It's something I'll always think about, because I know very few people who's parents are divorced and still happily talk. They done good, my parents, real good.

SatanicPinata

The Support We Should All Receive

Came out to my parents last year about my mental health issues and they gave me all the help I needed. They stayed with me during my anxiety attacks even if they were late in the night and paid for my counseling even though they don't legally have to. I probably wouldn't be as mentally healthy as I am now without their help and support. Best parents ever.

the-holy-cheezit

Yay Good Parents

Giphy
  • They lead by example. Lots of things I was not told, but I learn by watching them.
  • They informed themselves about how to be parents. I saw lots of books about parenting in my house while I was living with them, and they had no problem asking professionals to help (going to therapy, doctors, etc., was normal for us, and vaccines were mandatory).
  • They had plans and alternatives in case the main plan turned to be not the best available.
  • They asked me about some key points of my life instead of pushing me (if I wanted to go to religion class -no-, what I wanted to study in university, etc.)
  • They answer my questions the best they could.
  • Mother had a humor sense who helped her in particular and all the family in general.
  • Both are hard workers and had little to no vices.
  • They raised us giving my sister and me the best they could, but they didn't spoil us. When money was sparse they explained it to us and we understood without problem.
  • They told us what was happening but without details, explaining us in a level we could understand.
  • If we had problems they tried to help us grow and solve it with us (my little sister and I), not in place of us.

And so on.

FlyingDreamer

Photo by Louis Hansel on Unsplash

Some years ago, I had to advise a college friend to stop chasing the girl he was interested in at the time. She'd already turned him down. Explicitly. At least two or three times.

He wouldn't take no for an answer and didn't see anything wrong with his behavior.

Perhaps he'd seen too many movies where the guy eventually breaks through the girl's defenses and essentially coerces her into going out with him?

Keep reading... Show less
Caleb Woods/Unsplash

Parents make mistakes. We want to believe that parents are doing there very best to raise their kids, but sometimes they do more harm than good.

Research into childhood trauma didn't actually begin until the 1970s, so we don't have as much knowledge about our mental health as adults as we might like.

However, a study that followed 1,420 from 1992 to 2015 found conclusive results about childhood trauma:

"'It is a myth to believe that childhood trauma is a rare experience that only affects few,' the researchers say."
"Rather, their population sample suggests, 'it is a normative experience—it affects the majority of children at some point.'"
"A surprising 60 percent of those in the study were exposed to at least one trauma by age 16. Over 30 percent were exposed to multiple traumatic events."

Not all of the things our parents do that were not so helpful technically classify as trauma, but it definitely has an effect on us as we get older.

Keep reading... Show less
Ann on Unsplash

Breaking up is something that never gets easier.

Keep reading... Show less

On the outside, so many professions and careers look glamorous, financially enticing, and fun.

Often we sit back in our own lives and wallow in our dead-end jobs with that "wish I could do that for a living mentality!"

But if you look a little closer or, much like Dorothy Gale in OZ, just wait for a Toto to push the curtain back, you'll see that a lot more is going on behind the scenes.

And the shenanigans we don't see, make all that fun... evaporate.

So many careers and high power industries are built on a foundation of lies, backstabbing, and stress. And not in that fun "Dynasty" way.

That quiet, dead-end gig may not be so bad after all.

Redditor MethodicallyDeep wanted hear all the tea about certain careers, by asking:

What is a secret in your industry that should be talked about?
Keep reading... Show less