It's really not our jobs to take on the social shortcomings of our peers, but some people really want to try and make it our responsibility. What would you do if your socially inept roommate started treating you like you owed them attention?
u/throwawaymooselock told us his story:
My [23M] socially awkward roommate [25?M] is starting to creep me out - moving is not an option
Transferred to new school, moved to new apartment complex on campus, meant for students. Not a dorm but similar (random roommate that is also a student). I'm on a one year lease that started in August, changing rooms is not an option. Luckily I have my own room with a bathroom and everything, but there is a shared living space with a kitchen.
Posted about this earlier, has gotten worse. Summary of the weird shit my new roommate did that I mentioned in that post:
- First time I meet him, he invites me on a trip to Vegas within 15 minutes of meeting him. After that he started asking me a bunch of really weird/creepy questions about how to talk to women and how to get them to hook up with you
2. First day of me moving in he insists that I throw a party on Friday. I told him I don't want to, but he carries on acting as if this hypothetical party is actually thing, keeps on asking me about the plans and who I'm going to invite. I had to tell him 4 or 5 times that I'm not throwing a party. After that he insisted that I "at least invite 3 girls over."
3. Sometimes I hear him through the walls loudly talking to himself. One time I heard him shouting the same phrase over and over again for about an hour (no idea what he was saying, different language). Also, in general he has no social awareness and is super awkward to talk to.
4. Every Friday and Saturday night when I come home he is still up just sitting on the couch drinking alone, and every time he basically starts interrogating me on what I was doing that night. Not in a friendly way asking about how my night was, he sounds like a cop talking to a suspect, "what were you doing tonight!?" , and he keeps pressing for details.
Anyway last night he just went way over the top. I came home at around 130 AM and it was the same drill of him interrogating me about my night. I was clearly annoyed by him and not really answering, but I think he's pretty much just completely clueless. After that he started begging me come downtown with him just to walk around and "talk to girls." I had to tell him no 20+ times but he just wouldn't shut up about it, and would act all sad everytime I said no. He even told me that he would only go if I came with him. After repeatedly telling him no over and over again, he started to just make shit up to try to convince me to go with him. His lies were just so nonsensical and contradictory, I don't know how he actually expected me to believe this stupid BS.
Anyway, at first I just thought this guy was socially awkward and annoying, but now he is actually starting to creep me out. Any advice for dealing with people like this ? Keep in mind that I'm on a one year lease, I'm stuck being this guy's roommate for another year, there's no way around that. I just have to figure out a way to deal with this guy.
TL;DR: new roommate is socially awkward, annoying, and really creepy. Moving is not an option. Help.
Here was some of the advice he got.
As long as switching roommates is 100% not an option (and I highly encourage you to beat that dead horse on whether that's the case), here are a couple things you could try. Note: all my suggestions really suck for you but since your roommate isn't going to change his ways, you unfortunately will have to change yours.
1.) ALWAYS keep your door locked to your room. When you sleep, when studying, when you leave. I'm not saying your roommate will necessarily do something weird but you want to protect your safe space as much as possible. If you don't have the key to your door to lock from the outside, ask your landlord. If you can't lock it from the outside, see what external locking options are available, install when your roommate isn't around, and just uninstall/patch the door to get security back.
2.) Get a mini fridge and hot plate (if allowed) or microwave/toaster oven for your room. In a college town you can probably find these things keep cheap on college Facebook pages or Craigslist. Eliminate the need to linger in shared spaces as much as possible.
3.) Don't invite friends over. You don't want your roommate trying to latch onto your friend group like he's done to you.
4.) Try to learn his schedule to avoid him. Don't obviously be a stalker about it but take note of when he comes and goes so you can get a feeling of what night's you can walk in casually without worrying about him and what nights you might want to hang longer at a friend's
5.) Freeze him out. Sounds like you're doing this already by clearly telling him no. That's awesome. Continue with that and keep interactions very surface. Don't talk really about what's up with you and then bounce as soon as you can. If he follows you, say yo dude really gotta study and stop engaging till he gets bored.
Honestly, writing this out I feel like this sounds kinda extreme. Maybe others will support less ride or die methods, including yourself. But whatever you do, just try your best to focus on you and your studies. Good luck!
First : Do not engage. You are no contact beyond civilities with this man now. If he starts interrogating you when you go home, say you are tired and need to go to bed now. Ignore everything he says after that, just go into your room, close the door. Get yourself a lock, if you don't have one already, so you can be absolutely sure he doesn't follow you or go there when you are not home.
No shared meals. No talking. You say good morning and good night and that's it. If he talks to you, you are busy and need to study alone in your room. If he talks to you whilst you are in a shared space and you can't leave (e.g. because you are cooking in the shared kitchen), you need to concentrate on your task and can't talk. Ignore him. You don't answer his questions about where you went or what you did. Remove him from your social media.
ANY information and interaction will further whatever delusions he has about you being his friend or wingman or partner in his quest of getting laid or doing other weird shit. It will get worse the more you engage.
Second: Talk to your housing department. Try to find a way to swap houses. There must be emergency protocol in place. Press until they give you that, even if they tell you they can't move you at first. State that you feel unsafe, creeped out, and extremely uncomfortable. If they don't give an immediate response, call after a few days, remind them of your case. If worse comes to worst, threaten to inform student newspapers, the student union, the person you are talking to's superior, a complaints department. Let the person you are talking to give you their name so you can threaten a personalised complaint directly against them, that will motivate them more. Stay calm and civil throughout even threats of complaints.
Third: Rule 1 should already cover that you don't talk to this man about women and girls, but Rule 3 also says that no female human walks into your flat from now on unless you can be absolutely, 100%, beyond a shadow of a doubt be certain that he is not there for the entire duration of her stay, EVEN if you will be with her for its entirety. For you, he is a creep and makes you feel uncomfortable. For women, this kind of man is an actual danger. He is what assault is made of. Do NOT get any woman into his vicinity, since you WILL be risking her safety and well-being.
Best of luck. You seem like a lovely, considerate fellow and the fact that his creepiness, especially the parts of it directed against women, cause you to want to stand up to him really means a lot to me as a woman.
I have worked for housing similar to what you are in. They ALWAYS have at least a few rooms available in case of emergency situations that require a tenant to get away from a situation. If you press enough and talk to someone high up enough you will be able to move it is just a matter of getting past the screen of lower branch staff that don't have any power or knowledge to help you. Most of them have no idea these rooms exist and have been told everything is full.
Keep trying and until that comes through go with no contact. I wouldn't acknowledge their existence with the behavior he is exhibiting. If you can, wear headphones whenever you leave and enter and in any common areas.
I scrolled through this whole thread at didn't see this posted once: OP if you feel that your roommate has serious mental health issues that are not addressed (and it sounds like he does) you can call the non-emergency police number and they can come out and do a welfare check.
Also, many schools offer legal services for students, so I would check that out as a possible resource.
You just have to out weird him so he starts avoiding you. Never break eye contact and always have a smile full of teeth on your face. Periodically lean in and sniff him. Tell him you want to know what he looks like on the inside. Mumble nonsense when you speak to him but slip in weird sh*t like "slippery" and "beautiful".
Dude. Get out. Even if you have to pay. It's just not worth it. I hate to say it and hopefully I'm just being paranoid, but this guy could physically hurt you. He sounds just unhinged and desperate enough to possibly become violent. You can google a bunch of news articles about creepos who have murdered their roommates. Maybe I've read one too many, but I think it's better to get out before he gets worse.
I know this isn't something that is easy to...not too obviously bring up, but he needs a therapist. If he engages with you, bring up that you've been thinking of selling a therapist or maybe that your glad a friend you have has started seeing one. Maybe your campus has a councilor or perhaps there's a local mental health center. Idk it's a hard one. But don't irritate or engage them when they say/do crazy things as much as possible, but when he does normal positive things, respond positively. Idk man best if luck.
I would ask if they did a background check on him. They might tell you it's ironclad, but if you say you feel unsafe with this stranger they placed you with and you're thinking of getting the police involved I'm almost positive they'll be rushing to help you with this situation. They don't want any lawsuits.
I only got through most of the comments, but it appeared as though only /u/silsool actually knows how to adult. If you absolutely can not get out of the lease and move elsewhere, have you thought about just being honest and talking to this guy about this? Maybe he just can't ever be socially normal and you'll have to resort to hiding from him, but maybe he's never been told he's not socially normal. My sister-in-law is like this. A lot of her behaviours are reminiscent of 4-year olds everywhere, and because her parents enable this behaviour she has never learned that it is socially inappropriate (if my husband and I try, she runs crying to the other room and her mother consoles her... and we're made out to be the bad guys.)
It's not your responsibility to parent this dude, but it is your responsibility to ensure your living space is a comfortable one. You don't need to have a dramatic sit-down discussion with him, just do what silsool has already suggested. Every time he starts with his BS tell him it's socially inappropriate, this is why he can't get girls to talk to him, he creeps you out which is why you don't want to be near him. Then just stop engaging completely for the rest of the night. You also need to stop rewarding his behaviour. Do not tell him anything about your life. Stop repeating no like a broken record. One 'no' then freeze him. If he doesn't get it after a week, then it's appropriate to completely freeze him out; which means don't even say the word no to him. One week is more than enough time for even a socially inappropriate normalperson to get it.
The other completely sensible adult thing to do, which has been mentioned, is to lock your door. If this guy is inappropriate verbally, I can guarantee you is already inappropriate physically... as in stealthily going through your shit.
I once had a roommate much like yours, that I had to live with, and I was too immature to handle it in an adult way. My living situation would have been greatly improved if I had adulted instead of hiding myself in my room.
There is some really great advice here but unless I missed it I would recommend keep mace and some sort of weapon close by in your room. Also, periodically check the smoke detectors and make you have a fire extinguisher or two. Particularly.one in your room. I know this may seem weird but his behavior reminds me of a friend who had a roommate exactly like this. His behavior escalated until he had a full on psychotic break and became very violent and dangerous to the point where the guy was threatening friends life. He could just be a major creep, of course but its better to be safe than sorry until you figure out a way to get away from this guy.
There's no shortage of excellent horror fiction out there. Recently I read The Terror by Dan Simmons and can't remember the last time I felt that claustrophobic and nervous. But I am also a fan of quite a few classics. Are there any other horror books that capture grief as effectively as Stephen King's Pet Sematary? What other book evokes folk horror as beautifully as Thomas Tryon's Harvest Home? Let's not forget this wonderful classic: The Haunting of Hill House. I could rave about that one (and Shirley Jackson) for days. All of these books left their mark on me and yes, I'd include them on a list (if I were to make one) of some of the scariest books I've read.
People had their own opinions to share––and books to recommend––after Redditor Tylerisdumber asked the online community,
"What's the scariest book you've ever read?"
"Gerald's Game. I've read lots of Stephen King and this one scared me the most. Slept with the lights on for several nights."
Everything about this book is creepy. Don't even get me started on the... degloving. I'm sorry I even typed that word out.
"It's not a long story..."
"The Yellow Wallpaper.
It's not a long story and I'd highly recommend going in knowing little to nothing about it. It's brilliant and terrifying. Published in 1892 as well if that's any interest!"
Few stories make you feel this sad. A pretty stunning piece of work––and yes, unnerving. Can really get under your skin.
"I think it was mainly..."
"For some reason, Salem's Lot by Stephen King.
I think it was mainly because I was on a week-long hiking trip in the Australian bush and it got dark and scary at night. But damn, I had trouble sleeping for a couple of nights. Then the friend I was hiking with read it, and he couldn't sleep either."
This is probably my favorite early King––and for good reason. The sense of atmosphere is impeccable. Those characters are loveable and you genuinely care about what happens to them. Then the book veers from horror into tragedy. It's quite moving.
"Just the knowledge..."
"On The Beach.
It's the most soul-crushing book I've ever read, and there's really nothing scary in it.
Just the knowledge of impending death for everyone that feels so awfully heavy."
This is one of those books that makes you feel hopeless.
It's impeccably written but wow... it's a truly heavy read.
"You never knew..."
It's a classic. I found it to be immensely chilling. You never knew what would happen and the writing instilled a sort of dread. I read it in the dark before I went to bed until I finished it."
A book I can read and re-read over and over again. It's a beautiful horror novel. It's also a really fascinating window into the era and manages to say a lot about social and class mores.
"I'm Thinking of Ending Things by Iain Reid. Very creepy and unnerving, definitely scared me reading it at night."
I wanted to really like this one––unfortunately, I did not––but there's no denying that the first third or so (especially once the two protagonists get to the house) is pretty unnerving. Shame the payoff wasn't all that.
"It was disturbing and horrifying..."
"Helter Skelter. It's about the Manson murders and goes into quite a bit of detail. It was disturbing and horrifying because, unlike the King novels also mentioned, it's true. What they did to Sharon Tate is so absolutely devastating. Pure evil."
This book is gruesome and not for the faint of heart. The level of detail we dive into learning about the Tate-LaBianca murders is remarkable and also rather nauseating.
"So the book's characters..."
"Bird Box by Josh Malerman.
Forget the Netflix movie. The book's monsters are terrifying, in that you simply just don't know what they are or what they look like. They could be anything. What they are is enough to drive people insane by just being looked at.
So, the book's characters have to navigate a world mostly without one of our most used senses, and what's more terrifying than something you can't see?
This leads to some utterly scary scenes in the book that sent my heart racing and I had to put down for a breather."
It's a shame that movie wasn't all that and a bag of potato chips.
"It's a different kind of scary..."
"It's a different kind of scary, but The Handmaid's Tale. Atwood's dystopian nation feels not that far from reality sometimes, and it absolutely terrifies me."
We're going to go there.
Yes, this book is terrifying.
"I feel like the movie..."
"The Ruins, by Scott Smith, messed me up pretty good. My favorite kind of horror is psychological, and while there is a physical "entity" the real horror is the helplessness of this stranded group trapped by something they don't understand. Their desperate struggle to hold on to their sanity and the slow descent into hopeless desperation just really hit hard.
I feel like the movie was a fairly faithful adaptation, although it's been a while since I've seen it."
I love this book and have read it multiple times over the years. It's slow-going... and then the final one-hundred pages are just horrifying.
Well, if you haven't read any of these... What are you waiting for? Get on that. You won't regret it.
But also... the world is pretty scary right now, so we understand if you need to take a step back.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us in the comments below!
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Have you ever traveled to a city you've always heard good things about, only to be totally let down upon arrival?
When a friend insists we travel to certain cities because we would "just love it," they're setting the bar pretty high.
And a city can also boast a rich history or an attraction that makes us curious enough to find out what makes it so appealing.
But, alas, when we finally reach the destination, it's never exactly what we thought it would be.
Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor tshirtguy2000 asked:
"What city is overrated?"
These are not officially real cities but they do have a rotating population.
It's Always A Party There
"As a former
slave associate at party city. I 100% agree."
"Lego City. There always has to be someone falling into the river."
"Cabot Cove, the murder capital of the world."
"Sure, the murders are all solved, but would you really want to live in a city with that much, easily solved, crime?"
Neighbor To Springfield
Shelbyville. Those f'kers steal trees from neighboring cities.
These were once considered destination cities but their popularity eventually took a nose dive.
"Atlantic City. Venture a few blocks off the boardwalk and it's incredibly depressing. Very clearly an area exploited by the big casinos while the locals have been driven to absolute poverty, while they still force a smile to work the shops that are required for the tourist traffic."
Lots Of Water
"Niagara Falls, Canada. I grew up there. Mayor pumps most of tax $ to casinos and tourism with flashy vegas-esque attractions."
"Myrtle Beach. I'm not even saying that it has a good reputation, I'm just saying that any shred of positive thinking about it makes it overrated."
Where A Creek Is An Exciting Attraction
"Lamb's Grove, Iowa. It's not the paradise on earth that people always say it is. Don't get me wrong, it's got great Chinese food but the motel 6 is meh at best."
Impressions for these cities fell far below expectation.
"Dubai. It's the clickbait of the world. 'We have the biggest/tallest/most expensive YOU WON'T BELIEVE when you see THIS...' It's hot as f*k, everything's a man-made tourist trap; labor exploitation and racism are rampant, and they try so hard to prove to the world how modern and Westernized they are. Really, it's just government propaganda."
"Miami. Horrible place filled with horrible people."
Truth be told, many cities can be overrated.
It just depends on a person's experience, or a resident's perspective about what it is about the location they live in that is nothing worth writing home about.
If I had to choose, I would say Las Vegas is overrated, but that's because there is nothing in Sin City that is of personal interest to me.
I may be severely judged for my opinion, but that is a gamble I'm willing to take.
The opposite sex can be a bit of a mystery sometimes. Our brains work differently just like our bodies and this can lead to certain sensitive questions. Guys tend to be a little less open but today it's time for the ladies to ask away. Even wondered what they really think or feel about their body, yours? Today's the day to get the answers you didn't know you needed.
Redditor William84000 asked:
“Women of reddit, what question do you have of men that you'd really like an answer to?"
His question started an informative thread for women to ask men the questions they've been wondering and receive honest, real-life answers.
“How long does it take to recover if you've been hit in the balls?” Snowy-avocado
“Anywhere from 5 minutes to literally turning to dust like we were Thanos snapped.” secondhand_organsdust whirls GIFGiphy
“The Big Dumb Object...”
“I've always wanted to know: why do you like loud machinery so much? For older men it's mowers, leaf blowers and such. For younger men, it's modified cars and motorbikes. What's the deal with the loud machines?” marshmellow_bunnyx
“Power and tools. Tools are a thing that gets stuff done, and they are loud because they contain the
natural essence power of violent explosions and fire. Most men like powerful things, instead of powerful people.”
“In sci-fi, this is called 'The Big Dumb Object', and is pretty much a trademark of sci fi books written by men” Connect-Zebra7173
To shave or not to shave?
“Does body hair on a woman bother you that much?" reillydean28
“Leg/arm hair? Don't even notice. Armpit hair? Not my thing but not my choice/decision. Pubic hair? I'd prefer not, but it's not going to stop me from getting the job done." wHUT_fun
It’s a power and control thing...
“Why send a d*ck pic?" stavinlawrence
“I think for most men it's a power dynamic thing. Either it gets them off or it just makes them feel in control."
“Then I assume there's the added bonus of if she likes it she might send a nude back. But these losers have a greater chance of buying a "get bigger penis pills" that actually work before a girl appreciates an unsolicited nude." InertialEclipse
"Do you notice the little things?”
“Do you notice the little things about women like a new hair cut, when they wear makeup or a nice outfit?” xforeverlove22
“I can't speak for everyone but for me, nope. Not at all. My uncle had a moustache for like 20 years and one day decided to shave it off. I didn't notice it. I noticed there was a weird atmosphere around me like ‘come on, say something’, so I small talked with him.”
“A few hours later after he left they asked me if I seriously didn't notice that his moustache was gone. My answer was ‘What moustache?‘ And makeup would definitly fly over my head.” PleaseTakeThisName
Lets just not touch people without permission...
“What things have women done that make you uncomfortable?" charloget
“Had a few grab my junk at random. Even had a couple that just forced a kiss on me. I don't usually experience women trying to pick me up, but the few times I did was never great. It was either negging, overly sexually aggressive and always in a group." bahamabanana
On today's episode of sink of float...
“Do penis' float like a buoy? I heard they do but have never been able to verify it.” TheFantasticV
“I mean it's buoyant but it can't really do much besides lazily sorta half float there. Still amused the f**k out of my wife to learn.” secondhand_organsGiphy
Everyone just wants to be loved...
“What makes you feel loved?” linedizzy
“A compliment, a hug or a kiss we don't have to initiate.” Nuitari8
“Do guys care if women get cosmetic procedures done?” dookieconductor
“I don't necessarily care about the work itself, I'd be more concerned about understanding why she felt like she wanted to get it done and help her feel body positive for whatever work has been done or if she feels like she needs work.” -notjosh-
Math will kill a mood everytime...
“What does it feel like when you're having sex and you're trying not to 'get there'? Is it frustrating? What do you do/think about to keep it from happening?" uhohoreolas
“I sometimes do math like 333*3... But often I am fine with just controlling things to focus mostly on her pleasure instead of mine. Tho sometimes she is excited and ends up moving in unaccounted ways while I am a hair away and there is no stopping it. I definitely don't find it frustrating. It is still very enjoyable." Fkire
Some of these Q&A's were unexpected but now we know! This important thing here though is knowing it's ok to ask questions sometimes.
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Everyone's got their own favorite food.
What are two foods that actually taste great together......even though most people don't eat them that way?
Breakfast is the most wonderful meal of the day. As the wise Leslie Knope once said, "Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?" So mixing it up can feel blasphemous, but what if it's tasty?
Jam It On
"When I was growing up, it was standard procedure for us to put grape jelly on scrambled eggs. I did it when I went to college and everyone at the table stared at me. I still like it."
"That sounds gross af, but not too gross that I don't still want to try it. Haha"
Bringing People Together
"Peanut butter and maple syrup."
"My husband and I both grew up eating PB and syrup on our waffles. We took that as a sign it was meant to be."
"Peanut butter and syrup on waffles is one of the single best things I have ever had, also growing up with it"
Mustard?! Don't Let's Be Silly.
"Mustard with scrambled eggs. Actually I haven't had it in a while but from what I remember its really good"
"Mustard with eggs period"
Sauces and dips are critical to enjoying some foods. Mess with it too much and you risk ruining the delicacy. So that's why it's reassuring to see these people offering up their new spins on dip combinations.
Only For The Elegant Dining Experience
"Hummus and salsa mixed together with tortilla chips."
"Fancy bean dip."
Peanut Butter With Everything!
"Peanut butter and cheddar cheese (like the proper brick kind, not kraft cheese slices). When I was a kid I sometimes made myself pb and cheese sandwiches. They're very filling but delicious!"
"Toasted English muffin, butter, peanut butter, raspberry jam and marble cheddar on top. Lord have mercy on me."
"Add a litte hot sauce on the peanut butter."
Better Than Garlic Sauce?
"I already posted but I'm eating pizza with my friend right now and he likes his pizza with hummus."
"Hummus is good with so many things."
"So I make spaghetti noodles, but break up the raw noodles into smaller pieces. Once they're done I put in a an egg or two (mix it around) and let it cook. I swear it's not that bad. My Nonna always makes it for me when I go back to the Midwest to visit. It's good with parmesan cheese too."
And then there's these taste combinations. Mixtures so strange, you might just be willing to walk away from your phone or computer and try one now.
Sweet And Savory?
"Watermelon and feta cheese."
"With red onion and balsamic vinegar."
"Thats like the most basic summer thing in Greece, Balkans, Turkey together with some Uzo or Raki"
Who Lives In A Cheddar Under The Sea?
"Pineapple and cheddar."
"A guy at work introduced me to dipping a peanut butter and honey sandwich into chili. That was surprisingly great."
A Creative Spin On An Old Favorite
"Root beer float except with cherry Coke and chocolate ice cream. I was in middle school on a field trip, last in line at the cream shop, and ordered this after everyone else had done the standard root beer and vanilla. One of the cool girls who had never spoken my name before gave me this piercing look and asked if I would switch with her. I instinctively knew I would get zero benefit from this deal, so I said "Nope, ya gotta just remember it next time." That felt good."
Keep an open mind. Don't do this for every meal, sure, but always be ready to try something new.
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