Spoiler Alert: Bathrooms. Women (and guests in general) really appreciate it when your bathroom is clean, stocked with toilet paper, and has things like a trash can, soap and a hand towel. There. I just earned you 100 points with your friends, family, and that cutie you've been eyeballing lately. You're welcome.
Reddit user bepseh asked:
Girls of Reddit what are some things you look for when visiting a guys place for the first time?
There were tons of responses, you guys; and no, they didn't all involve the bathroom. The number that did involve the bathroom has be asking a lot of questions about the hygiene practices of the dating male, but that's for another time. Here are some of the more popular answers, edited for language if needed.
Bathroom
My SO said that she looked at the state of my bathroom. According to her everyone has some days when they are lazy to do the dishes or laundry so that is acceptable to a degree. But your bathroom is nasty it means that you never or very rarely clean it which is just nasty.
The Smell
I've found that the smell of the place is something literally everyone appreciates greatly when it's right but never ever speak about it, in general, making it possibly the most underrated things people notice about other people's homes.
The Dish Rack
If it's somebody I'm dating or would like to date, I'm hoping for a reasonable standard of cleanliness and some evidence of somebody living a mature kind of life that involves care for his surroundings. Not some kind of dank cave.
It also makes me happy if his kitchen looks both hygienic and like it's actually cooked in. It becomes a lot harder to picture myself spending enjoyable time with the guy in his place if the dish rack is covered in mold. (How much am I going to enjoy having dinner with him there? How the hell has he not noticed the mold or decided it's not a problem?)
- 123wtfno
Bag It
A lined trash can in the bathroom.
The worst nightmare for a girl coming to your place is that she has to change her pad or tampon, but can't find a trashcan, so she has to ask you where one is or try to covertly throw it away in a non-bathroom trash. This is really embarrassing and unsexy. A lined trash can will make her feel welcome and comfortable and avoid awkward, embarrassing conversations about periods.
Conversation Starters
Decoration. What you surround with tells a lot about your interests, your originality, your taste etc. Plus, it's an easy conversation starter.
Bookshelves
Bookshelves, they are like a window to the soul.
I look to see if there is a range of interesting stuff there. Also to check for red flags, like if he has pick up artist books or an unhealthy interest in Hitler.
A Single Piece
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More than a single piece of furniture and a TV. Have some extra chairs, some rugs, plants/flowers, decorations on the wall or movie posters or something. Basically just a little more effort than a complete bachelor pad is appreciated.
- 3vad127
Hand Towels
Hand towels in the bathroom. I don't want to dry my freshly cleaned hands with the towel you use on your downstairs.
Neanderthal
Does he take his goddamn clothes with him when he leaves the bathroom after showering or does he leave them on the bathroom floor like a Neanderthal. God damnit drew your laundry hamper is 6 feet away from the bathroom door
Clean And Sanitary
I look at the kitchen - is it clean? And I don't mean tidy and everything packed away, I mean clean and sanitary. Is it a place where food can be made?
Also, are there stains in the toilet?
Is there soap in the bathroom?
I know it's silly, but cleanliness is important to me.
- irmari01
A Particular Aroma
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This isn't something I necessarily look for, but GOD it would be so refreshing to enter a guys' place minus the aroma of dirt and testicles.
Murder
Is he going to rape and/or murder me? If the answer to that seems to be no, we're probably good. I'm less concerned with dirty dishes in the sink or whether your toilet paper is hung correctly.
The Bed
Their bed.
Not sex related.
Do they have sheets? Are they clean? Or is it just a mishmash of old blankets.
And I check out their pillows. Are they old and half yellow? Should they have been replaced ages ago?
The mattress. How bad is it? Like is it badly sagging in the middle with a spring and he hasn't even tried to minimize with a mattress topper?
If he can't even be bothered to have the one thing that should be the most important thing of all because of how important sleep is, it sends me huge red flags.
Seriously guys. 100 bucks is more enough to make your bed look appealing and if your mattress sucks and you can't afford a new one, at least try to make it comfortable.
Although at my age, 45, if you can't afford a new mattress, that is a red flag all by itself.
A Bit Of Culture
It's definitely a bonus when I see things like art, souvenirs, books, plants, gifts etc, things that show a bit of culture, someone who has hobbies and appreciates beautiful and little things and isn't afraid to spend a little bit of extra money to liven up his space. I find that those men are much more thoughtful and refreshing to be around than the overly practical guy.
Just Rinses
Usually their dog or cat. But also if they have toilet paper. Went to a dude's house on my period and the fucker tells me he doesn't buy toilet paper. Just rinses off every time. So I sent someone to the corner store whilst I bled on the toilet. Cleaned myself up, took my toilet paper, and told him to lose my number.
A New Mommy
I look at cleanliness. A little clutter is fine, but if there's a sense of long-term neglect, like if there's a lingering smell or grime in easy to clean spaces, then that's a problem. I also look at the kitchen--does he have his own implements, and does it look like he uses them? Or does it look like he only orders takeout and lives off of beer?
Basically, I'm looking for signs that he can take care of himself and his own space. The biggest possible turn off for me is a boy I have to mother, and there are a lot of boys out there who are looking for a new mommy to come in to cook, clean, and have sex with them whether they're aware of it or not.
Another Woman
Everyone here talks about lined, covered trashcans and cleanliness... no one talking about signs that another woman lives there. Pictures, too much decoration, certain items more marketed towards women, and the big one everyone complained about here, feminine hygiene stuff. If I see those I'm sorry but I'm going to assume you're in a relationship and are trying to hide it, not that you're so generous to your female friends or they're leftovers from a past relationship. If you're that generous, give them to your female friends or a woman's shelter.
Before anyone pounces on me, I've had this happen to me more than once. I'm hyper aware now of any signs of a man already being attached, I'll run even if it turns out to be a false alarm. But I'd rather run than be a side piece again.
Garlic Is Bae
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Smell! A guy's place can be a bit messy or unorganized, we're all human, but I can't deal with odors like stinky trash bins, dishes rotting in the sink, mildewed laundry, pissy-smelling toilet where the inevitable wee wee spittle happens, and pet smells. I can forgive cooking odors because I also like some pretty stinky food. Garlic is bae.
The biggest one is cigarette smoke. If you smoke inside your place you are gross and I don't want you.
What do you look for?
War Face GIF
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Apparently, their sense of humor has no bounds. Curious to hear from drill sergeants online, Redditor darkstalker1000 asked:
"Drill instructors, what is the funniest thing you have seen a Private do?"
The following examples were utterly humiliating, but valuable lessons were learned.
Longheld Punishment
"Had 2 guys get in a fight in our bay during basic. The drill sergeant made them hold hands and pretending to be on a date all week. Only time they could let go of each other's hands was rack time. They ended up becoming pretty good friends."
Confusing Paycheck
"Ex British Army officer here."
"A corporal went on a nine week mortar course and was accommodated (obviously) while he was away. It turned out he knew one of the DS teaching the course and was invited, regularly, to dine and drink in the Sergeant's Mess."
"The month after coming back from the course, he brought his payslip to me with a puzzled look on his face and, embarrassed, explained he didn't understand what it meant and could I help him?"
"It emerged that the Sergeant's Mess had a chitty system - you didn't pay for your drinks at the time, but signed for them and the total bill was deducted from your pay."
"This legend had managed to drink more than his monthly salary both months he'd been away and his payslip was a negative balance."
"I'm sorry Smith, I'm afraid you owe the Army £235 ($327.50) this month."
Asking For An Advance
"Former European Anti-Air Trainee here."
"Recruit spent his first check on alcohol and sex workers, asked his commander for next months check in advance the next day. Instead of having a good excuse prepared to actually succeed in that proposal he blankly told him in front of 80 other recruits why he'd need it."
Eye-Level Reprimand
"I saw a guy post about how he was like 6'3 and his DS was like 5'2, so whenever he messed up the DS would go up to him face to chest and yell 'Elevator!' and the guy would bend down to eye level with the DS and say 'Ding!' and the DS would proceed to look him in the eye while he chewed him out."
Some experiences were downright hilarious.
The Stain
"Not an RDC, but in boot camp I was over the laundry crew. One recruit sh*t himself because he thought he couldn't leave his rack after taps. It was funny at the moment before I realized I had to wash it."
– ScootaFL
Ambush Training
"This was the funniest f'king thing I ever read from u/odomotto"
"Recruit fired all his blank ammo during 'ambush training.' He crawled in ditch opposite where the aggressors were, and started throwing rocks at them. DI came running in middle of the road blowing his whistle and screaming 'what the f'k are you doing?' Recruit screamed back, 'throwing hand grenades drill sergeant!' Without missing a beat, the DI screamed 'out f'king standing.' And walked away."
"My sides hurt and I was wheezing laughing so hard at this when I first heard it!"
These punishments made no sense. And that's why they're memorable.
The Replacement
"When I was in basic, a kid we called 'Albino' shot off a blank round accidentally in the field. The sergeants were pissed and took his weapon away and replaced it with a broomstick for the remainder of the week in the field."
"Man I remember some dude didn't put the sheet on his bunk the right way and had to wear the sheet as a cloak and go to all the other barracks dancing around sing about how he was the 'Catch Edge Fairy' or something. It was pretty silly, he owned it though. He was doing twirls the whole time. This was Navy bootcamp."
– Konebred
Despite how they are depicted on film, drill instructors are people who care.
Like, Beals – a drill sergeant at Fort Knox, Kentucky – who said:
"We provide more than just physical, mental and emotional guidance for them. You are a father, a preacher, a financial advisor, a counselor-you provide so many different services to the Soldier that the regular public doesn't see on day to day basis."
"They see what they see in movies and what they hear about by word of mouth. But you are fulfilling so many roles other than just being a trainer and teaching an individual how to be a Soldier in the Army."
And occasionally, they are having a laugh at the crazy things their trainees do.