It's your big day - you're finally taking the next steps toward being a doctor, and at the white coat ceremony, you stutter and get nervous when thanking those who have supported you. You unintentionally don't mention your significant other, who then throws a fit.
tijemut took to Reddit, because he feels he didn't do anything wrong.
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
So yesterday I had my medical school white coat ceremony. She was the only one there because my very supportive family had actually planned a vacation months in advance. We all had written a little blurb before the ceremony to "describe ourselves in 140 characters", and the idea was to read it out loud on stage to the audience (which I had no idea we even had to do until the ceremony began). As people were going up in alphabetical order, they would read their blurb and shout out people, so it became sort of what everyone did. However, I have stage anxiety and when It was my turn I blanked out and just said "I want to thank my loved ones, I love you guys" and proceeded to read my blurb and got off the stage as soon as I could and walk around and go give my girlfriend a quick kiss. Right after the ceremony ended I Ran to my my gf and I could tell that my girlfriend was mad, so I asked what was wrong? And she let me have it, and started getting enraged and calling me names and telling me that she's the only one that was there so she deserved to get a shout out and that I don't deserve her nor appreciate her. I explained to her my anxiety and that I blanked out, and i explained how much i appreciated her and what she meant to me, and it was all from the heart, but she thought it was an excuse and just didn't want to hear it. I didn't even get a chance to take pictures with classmates or do anything because she wanted to storm off. I truly feel guilty and I wish I would have singled her out, but I believe her reaction was unwarranted. Was I wrong? Because I'm really beating myself over it.
TDLR: Girlfriend is mad that I did not give her a shout out at my ceremony.
Edit: wow! I never thought this post would blow up like this. I want to thank all of you for reading my post and giving me advice, honesty and some tough love. Seriously, it helped me so much to assess the situation. There are a few things I'd like to clarify:
- The white coat ceremony is not a graduation but the beginning of my medical school journey. I just started Medical school.
- I did not know the date of the ceremony when my parents booked the trip, they booked it about 8 months in advance and the school had not released the dates yet as they vary every year.
- My girlfriend and I have been together for about 1.5 years and she did drive me to one of my med school interviews but other than that she had not had much involvement in my road to medical school. In fact, she has made the first three weeks of medical school pretty stressful since it's a pretty big transition.
- Someone mentioned that maybe it's my behavior towards her that made her feel like this was the last straw. However, I am nothing but grateful towards everything she has done for me, I acknowledge it all the time and I always thank her and make sure she feels appreciated. I call and text her often and see her often. I make sure she understands that I'm here for her for anything she wants and needs. And I actively state that to her. In fact, sometimes I put aside my own feelings and desires to accommodate hers. Maybe that's enabling her, but in no way do I make her feel neglected or unappreciated.
- One of my biggest weaknesses is that I literally cannot get mad or stay upset at anything for more than 5 minutes at most. I don't hold grudges. Nor do I hate anyone. Even for what she did, I'm not really mad at her or angry or spiteful, I have just been trying to understand her feelings and why she acted in that manner.
- As of now, I still have not decided what to do, but I will be reflecting long and hard, especially on the advice that everyone has given.
Once again, thank you guys so much, it means the world to me that you guys cared about what I had to say.
Your girlfriend is a loved one, right?Giphy
You thanked your loved ones. Doesn't she think that includes her?
She made your moment about her.Giphy
Dude. She made your graduation ceremony about her. She threw a tantrum at YOUR event. Grown-ups don't do that to people they love, or to anyone really. They don't act out like that in public. This is ALL on her.
I'm guessing this isn't the first time she's gotten irrationally upset about small mistakes?
She's dragging you down.Giphy
It isn't normal. It's infantile and controlling and you deserve SO much better. You're about to enter a whole new phase of life--is this really the person you want along for the ride?
Why does she care what a bunch of strangers think?
It's a huge red flag that she's prioritizing her feelings of entitlement and rage over your accomplishment that was years in the making. You just graduated from med school! Congrats, by the way.
It's not going to get better if this is how she behaves.Giphy
Bro, I had the same exact encounters and the same exact situation. Even the same age difference. I can guarantee you with my life that things will never get better, only worse. Please, for your own sake, leave her. No matter how hard it is, no matter what "good qualities" she has, no matter what she has done for you. This is going to be toxic for you if you don't end it and may throw you off your track. And it may be hard to leave her, but you'll look back and be thankful.
Imagine what life will be like when you have a doctor's schedule.Giphy
Dude. Physician here. Medical school is 4 years of a lot of work and sacrifice. If she continues this behavior, you two either aren't going to make it, or you will have to sacrifice success in medical school to make her happy. Being married to/engaged to/dating a medical student requires significant maturity and self reliance. Best of luck to you.
It's really not a big deal.Giphy
Don't beat yourself about it. I don't even like going up on stage to receive awards. I'll never have a wedding because being the center of attention terrifies me.
It's kind of ridiculous that she's mad that she didn't get a shout out in front of a group of people and their families that shell probably never see again. But now I'll bet they'll remember her for a while!
Also, that family thing was a low blow. Cancelling vacations can be expensive.
You had nothing to apologize for.Giphy
I have a feeling you've already apologized but I wish you hadn't. She ruined your graduation because you didn't make it about her, I can barely get my head round how she thought that was okay. Also is she not a 'loved one'?
Tell her that you don't deserve to be called names and that's not something you'll willing to put up with. Also that you're hurt she made your ceremony about her and disappointed that she couldn't be happy for you and what you've achieved.
If this is a pattern of behavior, don't give into it.
This whole thing is ridiculous.Giphy
Utterly ridiculous. Dude, you really need to rethink this entire thing. This could be the wake up call you need to save yourself from alimony and child support in 5-7 years.
You've fallen for a rotten princess.
I wish you good fortune in the wars to come.
There's a solution.Giphy
Leave her or you will regret it the rest of your life.
She is a textbook narcissist.