People Describe Their 'I've Got To Get Out Of Here Right Now' Experiences
Listening to your gut can save your life. There is a reason why we have inner voices warning us about something that just does not feel right.
Sometimes, that uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach alerting you of a suspicious situation can occur when you are alone or in some vulnerable state.
Whatever the case may be, it may be in your interest not to ignore your naturally built-in life alert.
Strangers on the internet shared their most vulnerable moments and fled the scene when Redditor firefly_girl_75 asked:
Nothing will make you hit a "panic" button more than when you feel trapped in a situation. Hopefully, you have the wherewithal to haul a**.
The Escape Route
"Living in Baltimore some years back and I was driving home through a rough area of the city. Sitting at a stop light behind an already stopped car, another pulls up next to me on the right. Not really thinking anything of this, the light turns green. Neither of these cars move and I see a car zipping up behind me. I look to my left and I see two guys running towards me. I am so thankful that I left a good deal of space between me and the car in front. I hooked it around the car I front and sped off. Pretty sure I was going to be a victim of a car jacking or maybe something worse. Glad they ill timed their plan and I gave myself that space. Lesson here is always keep your head on a swivel in Baltimore."
"I was on a restaurant and they were using a propane tank to power an outdoors heater. Suddenly the tank started to catch fire and I got out quickly because i thought it was going to explode."
"The staff turned the tank off and everyone laughed at me for overreacting but damn i got scared lol."
"I was in downtown NYC a couple of blocks away from the WTC gawking at a fire. There were tons of people milling around watching. They had blocked off some streets, and I asked a cop how I could get around to where I needed to go further downtown. He told me which streets were closed, but that they might expand it, so I should get moving. The conversation was pretty casual."
"As I started walking away I looked back, and he had his radio to his ear, and whatever he heard, he panicked, went as white as a ghost, and started yelling for people to move further back. I turned around and jogged the hell out of there and made it to the Brooklyn Bridge before the first tower came down."
Bracing For An Explosion
"I was on a restaurant and they were using a propane tank to power an outdoors heater. Suddenly the tank started to catch fire and I got out quickly because i thought it was going to explode."
"The staff turned the tank off and everyone laughed at me for overreacting but damn i got scared lol."
You never know people's intentions, but usually, your gut has the correct instincts.
"My friend and I met at Waffle House for lunch. A guy came into the restaurant looking for a piece of paper that he had accidentally left on a table. The waitress didn't know where the paper was located and might have thrown it away. The guy got upset saying the paper was important and he was going home to get his gun stored under his mattress. My friend and I quickly paid our check and got the heck out of the restaurant!"
"I lived in south Everett WA for a couple years. Was walking home from the bus stop to my apartment, which took me behind the home depot. Suddenly a van starts following me, I hear the side door slide open and look behind me to see a man with the top half of his body hanging out the slider door looking at me. I took off running towards my apartment, literally running as far as I could, the van started going faster. By chance a guy was pulling out of the driveway of my apartment complex, sees me running for my life, and stops. The van immediately turns around and speeds off. Guy asks if I'm okay. I ask him to just stay there and please watch me walk into my apartment, which was the building next to his. He did, thank God. I started carrying mace and a very large knife the next day."
A Very Convenient Store
"A coworker got off the bus at night in Scarborough, Ontario and a guy stepped out from behind the bus shelter and started calling to her to wait up. He ran up to her, she screamed 'I don't know you' and ran into a convenience store. The guy hung around outside for a few minutes, then walked over to a vehicle and got in and drove off. She waited for a neighbour in her apartment complex to come over and walk her home."
"She filed a police report and it turned out she had narrowly escaped Paul Bernardo, then known as the Scarborough Rapist, later known as a serial killer alongside his wife Karla Homolka."
Lost In Translation
"I was the only white guy working at a Hispanic restraunt and I dont speak spanish that's part of it. One night after work I get invited to drink at one of their houses. All is going good we're drinking and I even danced a bit. Then after going outside to the back patio to smoke a cigarette I come back inside and the guy whose house I was at has a knife and is yelling at these 3 coworkers of mine blocking the front door yelling in spanish that no one is leaving(I knew that much). A bar patron who knew me grabbed me and pleaded to the guy just to let me and him out since we had no part in it. The homeowner let's us both out. I ask the bar patron wtf was that when we're outside since I cant speak spanish and he says the guy thinks my 3 coworkers are sleeping with his wife and hes probably about to kill them. I got in my car and got the F out of there."
Out Of Our Control
Nature and animals figured into these scenarios alerting of danger.
"I was walking to my house from my ex house very early in the morning when I saw this little girl with a backpack running for her life from two big street dogs. At that moment I didn't think and I ran towards the dogs and missed a kick, the two dogs came after me biting my legs and arm. They were out of control and these were like the longest 5 minutes of my life. I couldn't stop them from biting me, the little girl kept running until I didn't see her anymore. It was just me and the dogs attacking me. I tried to climb a fence to get inside a house but I couldn't when a taxi driver stopped and went out of the car with a short stick and he tried to scare them off giving me a chance to run and without thinking I got inside the car, the guy just ran a couple of times around the car with the dogs behind until he got in and he drove off like really fast. He took me to the hospital where I got a lot of stitches on my legs, arms and hands. That guy is my hero. Every now and then I go to his taxi stop and give them sandwiches or something. We never knew what happened to those dogs."
Not Leaving Kansas
"I was driving north on I-65 in the middle of Indiana. The sky was getting dark, the wind was picking up, it started hailing ... I turned on the radio to hear that a tornado was nearby. I determined it was behind me going from SW to NE and about to cross over the interstate. Other cars were driving slow or pulling over because of the rain and hail...I was hauling a** to get away from there."
"I was solo camping in the woods during a phase where I wanted to be a survival expert. I hiked out, miles from any roads or building, built a shelter and then hiked back the way I came."
"Less than a mile away from my camp, I found a dead coyote, decapitated, gutted, and laid out like a sacrifice or something. The eyes were gouged out and it was strung across a big, flat rock. A rock which I used as a marker on the way in, so I know it hadn't been there a day before."
"I ran out of there as fast as I could, knife at the ready, probably 10 miles back to my house. I still have no idea who would have done it, but I know I didn't want to run into them in the woods alone."
Sometimes, you find yourself already in the midst of madness.
"I was leaving for work at 5:30 am, while it was still dark. I locked the inside door handle and walked out the door pulling the door closed behind me. As I turned around to walk off the porch toward my car, I saw four men jump out of a van and start coming toward me. The street was otherwise empty."
"My heart was pounding and I felt panic start as I was digging in my big, messy purse for my keys to unlock the door and get back in my house. The whole time, I’m just thinking they are going to grab me, shove me in the van, and rape/kill me. I was able to get back in my house before they made it to me, but it scared the shit out of me. Turns out they were immigrations officers looking for someone who used to live in our house, and that is standard practice for them if they think the suspect will run!"
The Bible Guy
"I was living at a pretty upscale apartment complex. The perimeter was lined with REALLY nice ground level town home units. This one guy moved into one and he was kind of odd. On warm days he’d walk around shirtless in the complex’s park which is odd for PNW, but I mean okay... then he started pasting bible verses to his window. Now I’m not saying liking the Bible is an issue, but that was an alarm bell. ...then he started writing in charcoal over the Bible verses pasted to his window...."
"Then one night I took my dogs for a walk. It was during a bout when my dogs weren’t sleeping much and needed 2am walks. I go down to the park area in front of these townhome units. Lots of bushes and trees. My dogs are pissing in the bushes and suddenly my girl dog gets low and starts growling. We notice there are boots in the bushes. I then look around and notice a dozen figures in black tactical gear and masks. Virtually invisible. I freeze and start to panic. One of them puts his finger to his...mask? I assume where his mouth was. I got the hint and bolted. Right as I get to the entrance of my apartment I see them take a battering ram to the door and drag the Bible verse guy out completely naked as he screams about how god is judging them. The unit smelled HORRIBLE and was left as-is for months. Eventually a nice couple moved in. I asked the building management what happened and I was given a look and told 'you don’t want to know.'"
Stuck Without A Passport
"I woke up one Friday in a hotel and the internet was down. I went to the hotel lobby to see what was up, and saw scenes of chaos on the TV. A crowd had started to gather to watch, including the hotel staff. One employee told me the government had shut down the internet to test it. The scenes on the TV were of violent protests beginning all over Egypt as people made their first push to occupy Tahrir Square. It was January 25, 2011 and I was in Benghazi, Libya. Without my US passport."
"Needless to say I spent my energy over the next few days trying to get out of the country. I was able to leave but many of the people I was working with weren’t as lucky. The revolution started in Benghazi less than two weeks later. It was surreal watching Anderson Cooper broadcasting live from the hotel I had just been staying in."
"EDIT: A bunch of people asked about my passport so I’ll elaborate further. I’m actually paranoid about giving up my passport when I travel, so it was an odd story how that happened. It was my second trip, and I always brought color copies of my passport to give when someone asked for it so I’d never hand over my original. My first trip I travelled with someone who had been to Libya multiple times."
"I’m an architect and we were working for a Turkish contractor. They requested the passport that first trip to 'get a stamp.' I initially refused and said I would do it myself if needed. The other architect was more senior and explained they just used a runner to take it to the police station and get a stamp which was required if you stay longer than a week. He showed me his so I backed down and let them have it. I got it back that day and it had the stamp."
"On my second trip they requested the passport for the same process, but I still didn’t have it back by the third day when the internet was shut off. I called our company from the hotel to get a plane ticket to Istanbul. The next flight was on a Saturday afternoon. The client had my passport and didn’t want us to leave because they were afraid we’d trigger a panic at the job site. So they kept claiming they didn’t have my passport back yet. We ended up in a full blown shouting match demanding it back when we were in danger of missing the flight out. They finally gave it back after we started threatening to call our company and walk away from the project."
"The stress didn’t end there, because my passport didn’t have the stamp once it was returned. I was stopped when going through customs trying to leave, and it was clear they were having a conversation about the missing stamp. They ended up letting me go, but I didn’t feel like I could take a breath till I was in the air."
"I had been communicating with a close friend via text throughout all this. I didn’t want to worry my wife about the situation. He knew to contact her if I stopped responding. I called her that Saturday night from Istanbul to tell her what had happened and that I was no longer in the country."
Of course, no one should be in constant fear and being overly cautious when they are out and about. Otherwise, what's the point?
There is no point in living life always searching for emergency exits.
But when your built-in life alert signals to you that you need to get the hell out of, say, your house, just remember this tidbit:
Never run up the stairs.
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Reddit user FunChemical3182 asked: 'What is the weirdest animal fact you know?'
People accumulate facts throughout life on a wide variety of subjects.
Some are mundane while others are weird, wild or wonderful.
One subject a lot of people focus on is animals. Most people have a favorite animal that fascinates them that they want to know all about.
Reddit user FunChemical3182 asked:
"What is the weirdest animal fact you know?"
"Platypus glow blueish green under ultraviolet light."
"They also don’t have nipples, they just exude milk from glands under the skin and the baby’s lap it up."
"They have electrolocation in their bills that lets them detect their food under water."
"And they lay eggs."
"The more I find out about them the more I understand why people first thought they were fake."
"After seeing all these platypus facts I am convinced these things are aliens that have been abandoned on Earth."
"Mantis Shrimp have 16 different sets of cones. Rods and cones are in your eyes. Cones see color, rods see light and motion."
"Dogs have 2 sets of cones—green and blue. Humans have 3 sets of cones—green, blue and red."
"Mantis Shrimp are seeing colors we can't comprehend and explains why they're very colorful."
"That’s not even the strangest thing about them."
"They can also punch as fast as a .22 bullet which cause a cavitation bubble which boils the water around them at temperatures of several thousand Kelvins."
"Cats have the mental capacity of a 2-year-old which makes a lot of sense."
~ Alive_Ad823Cats Dragging GIFGiphy
"When a female sloth wants a mate she'll hang onto a tree branch and just scream."
Good Thing They're So Small
"Dragonflies are the most successful predators on Earth."
"When lions choose prey they have like a 10% chance of catching it."
"African painted dogs—who hunt in packs—have the highest kill rate of any mammal, successfully catching 51% of their prey."
"When a dragonfly locks onto a target, it has a 99.9% success rate!"
On A Swivel
"Owls have really long necks, but it's hard to notice that because their feathers are so fluffy."
What About Cousin It?
"Sea otters are the most densely furred animal with 600,000 to 1,000,000 hair follicles per square inch."
"Dogs have about 15,000 per square inch, humans on average are between 800 to 1,290 hairs per square inch."
Or Two Sets Of Twins
"Armadillos always have offspring as quadruplets."
"Octopus punch other fish for no reason—so, for fun."
"There's a direct correlation between species' intelligence and dickish behavior."
Looks Are Deceiving
"Polar bear fur isn't white—it's translucent (for most frequencies of light). And they have black skin underneath."
"So polar bear fur lets all the light through to their black skin to warm them—except for a few visible frequencies to keep them camouflaged as white."
Who's Going To Attack One‽‽
"Honey badgers can turn their a**holes inside out and use the smell to deter attackers."
"Not sure what exactly has the guts to attack a honey badger, but if they have the courage to do so, the badger sure as hell isn’t gonna make it easy."
"The Blanket Octopus exhibits the highest degree of sexual dimorphism known."
"Females: About 6 feet across."
"Males: About one inch."
"Dolphins will intentionally use puffer fish to get high."
"They upset blowfish so they inflate, and therefore emit poison. It gets the dolphins high. Then they pass it around, literally."
"Not just the dolphins. I recently saw a video about 10 animals that like to get high. Very interesting."
"Lemurs do that with giant centipedes/millipedes too."
Fabrizio Frigeni on Unsplash
Better Than Bike Helmets
"Woodpeckers' tongues wrap around their brains to cushion them from the vibrations of slamming their face into trees all day."
"Their tongues also have barbs to grab bugs out of the holes."
"Their brains have additional cushioning because, you know, they spend their days smashing their face as hard as possible into trees."
"Argonauts [paper nautili] are small octopuses that are too lazy to have intercourse."
"They detach their penises and toss them into the open sea to mate with female argonauts."
"The detachable 'd*ck' is a tiny tentacle, complete with suckers and sperm, that develops in a cavity under the eye of a male argonaut [paper nautilus]."
"When it's time to mate, the tentacle explodes out of the cavity, instantly killing the male argonaut. The tentacle then swims towards a female argonaut to insert itself."
What's your favorite weird animal fact?
Content Warning: Mental Health, Suicide, Domestic Violence
We all know that we technically can't make anyone else do anything, and we certainly can't "fix" other people. Other people will only change or do something if they choose to; the only person we can really control is ourselves.
But some people really love to try, often to hilarious and terrible results.
Already cringing, Redditor Dapper_Algae6280 asked:
"People who entered a relationship thinking 'I can fix them,' how did that go?"
Time for an Upgrade
"There is a weird thing that happens when you 'fix' someone. They tend to think if you liked them broken, then they deserve better than you now that they are better than they were."
"As horrible as it sounds, to have a happy, emotionally healthy relationship you need two happy, emotionally healthy people. If you want to be in that sort of relationship, you need to fix yourself first."
"This right here. After three sh*tty relationships in a row, I realized this is a me problem. I took a few years off from dating to reflect and really learn to see red flags and understand myself so I wouldn't make that mistake again."
No More Spark
"My now ex had PTSD, depression, and a variety of other issues she claimed. After two and a half years of dating (being my first and only relationship), she became more social, less suicidal, and overall happier as a person."
"She decided to cheat on me with someone else due to 'lack of communication' and us 'no longer having a spark". The irony."
"For context, we were 17 at the time, in high school, and I worked full-time hours with initiatives to hang out, which were refused. Red flags everywhere."
"Your situation is eerily similar to mine, what the f**k?"
"I met a girl with mental and emotional issues and decided to fix them through a healthy relationship. She recovered and found someone else because 'the spark was gone.'"
Misery Loves Company
"Now we are both broken."
"The same thing happened to my sister-in-law. She married a very negative and miserable guy while saying 'he will get better' or 'we’re working on it,' and now she’s a very negative and miserable person."
Getting to Watch a Partner Grow
"At first we were only f**king. I don't know if I ever thought I could fix her, but I did fall in love with this beautiful lady with severe anxiety, depression, and trust issues after being in a domestically violent relationship."
"We were f**k buddies for about six months and I got a glimpse of her issues but I still went ahead and asked her to be my girlfriend The heart wants what it wants."
"We dated for a year and a half (two years since meeting), and I actually got to see her at her worst a few times, but I was finally able to get her therapy with a great psychiatrist and treatment, this is when I asked her to move in with me. We've been living together for six years."
"Four years ago, she had the worst breakdown I've seen. She went full-on paranoid, wall-scratching nervous, she was even doubting me and my motives to be there. It was a very difficult week, and she left the house and went to her mom's house in the middle of the night."
"Eventually, her therapist was able to get a hold of her and get her back to her senses. Her doctor then suggested that I also should go to a counselor or at the very least we should do couples therapy so we had strong bases for our relationship and we did."
"I now look back and won't change her for anything in the world, she has grown so much, and she glows right now. I now see her smile and it's glorious. She's achieved a great position too and it's amazing just to see how much happier she looks."
Not a Match
"I fixed what I wanted to fix, but that still didn't make us right for each other. In the end, I think she's in a much happier place than she could have been, so I think it was worth the time invested."
"We were wrong for each other, but at least we both came out better positioned to receive the happiness that would come to us later."
In Their Nature
"A couple of months into the relationship, I fixed him."
"After some irritation, he stopped peeing on the carpet. Now, my cat still brings mice, but I guess, that's just his nature."
The Importance of Boundaries
"I don't know if I would say that I 'fixed' her (and I wasn’t trying to), but I definitely taught my last ex the importance of being able to set boundaries and to stop going out of her way to please people who consistently hurt her."
"Eventually this would lead to us breaking up, but I have no regrets. I have issues of my own that were wearing her down and she did what she had to. Same rules apply. We’re both better off because of it."
Happily Ever After
"She fixed herself and I fixed myself with each other's support, and we are living happily ever after, it seems, with ongoing work on ourselves and our relationship."
An Uncommon Ending
"I didn’t fix them. But I tried my hardest to be patient and supportive while they fixed themself. Sometimes I was better at support than other times. Sometimes they were better at fixing than other times."
"It ended up being worth the patience. Things have been great with us for years now. I know this isn’t the normal outcome though, and I feel incredibly lucky."
A Little Help from Our Friends
"Usually I'm the one people try to fix.. I think the repeated attempts definitely helped me. Now my current partner gets to enjoy the previous hard work."
"...I think I just got tired of hurting the people who love me and fixed myself, though."
All Their Idea
"You can't fix anyone. You can only fix yourself, but if you really want to try and fix someone, you have to make it seem like it's their idea."
A Helping Hand
"I don't think you can fix anyone. You can only help them fix themselves, which is very different."
"If someone is actively trying to fix themselves, and you can actually be the person to support them through it, then it can work, but it could also not work."
"I do think there should be a distinction between the two. I mean, trying to fix someone is a bad idea, but if you like someone and are willing to support them in their journey to fix themselves, it's probably not the worst idea in the world."
"It went so well that they managed to cure me of the desire to 'fix' anybody."
"I’ll toss you a life preserver if you’re trying to save yourself. But I’m not jumping in the water with anyone so they can drown me on their way out."
"People who need to hit rock bottom in order to better themselves will use you to soften their landing if you let them."
Best Friends Forever
"It went well but it didn’t work out."
"So we kind of fixed each other we were both at very weird points in our lives and we only dated for about one and a half years. We didn’t need a romantic partner but we did need a friend in each other."
"We’re both in better places now and the best of friends. We both want each other to be part of our lives just not as lovers."
"All and all, I say we got the best outcomes in our lives."
So Worth the Investment
"He was an Uber driver with only a high school diploma."
"I married him anyways and bankrolled his education because he was fun as f**k to be around, was the smartest person I’ve ever met, and loves me like I’m the only woman on Earth."
"Now, he’s a computer engineer and we are landlords together and have bought investment properties. We are very happy together."
"Partners work together to create success. I think selfish people ask, 'what’s in it for me?' Marriage is about selflessness."
"I’m glad I sacrificed for his education. His mind would be wasted otherwise and he’s a genius."
In most of these cases, the situation went poorly after a Redditor tried to change someone, and for good reason. If that person isn't ready or doesn't want to be fixed, it's only going to damage the relationship.
There's also something to be said about unconditional love. If you don't want to date the person exactly as who they are right now, why are you even trying to date them?
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.
But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.
If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.
Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.
Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:
"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"
You might find these guys at a bar.
The Dude Must Be Hungry
"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."
"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."
If The Shoe Fits
"That they were an alpha male."
"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."
"Me and my bros are all alpha males."
"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."
They sure thrive on making sexist comments.
"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"
"FELLAS IS IT GAY?!"
"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."
"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."
"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."
"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."
"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."
"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."
"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."
"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."
Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?
Childish Things Are Too Girly
"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."
"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."
"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."
This Woman's Work
"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."
People discussed rules in the bedroom.
"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"
"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."
In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.
The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.
This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.
I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.
We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.
Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.
Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.
As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.
Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:
"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"
The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...
"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."
"We had to have an assembly about it."
"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky
Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."
"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."
"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."
"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."
"I quit a few weeks later."
"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin
The Bread Of Heaven
"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."
"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinatecatholic the exorcist GIFGiphy
"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."
"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."
"Always kept about a half block behind."
"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."
"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep
Hygeine Be Damned...
"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleiaexercise push up GIFGiphy
Bad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...
"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."
"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."
"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."
"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."
"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."
"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."
"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."
"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."
"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop
Things Best Left To Professionals...
"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."
"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."
"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologisturuguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphy
At Least A Lesson Was Learned...
"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."
"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."
"He ran off and no one saw."
"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile
All Creatures Deserve Love
"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."
'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."
"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn
That's What Friends Are For...
"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."
"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."
"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphy
Not The Right Kind Of Manure...
"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."
"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."
"I did this because I was bored."
"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse
A Little Fantasy Now And Then...
"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."
"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."
"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."
"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."
"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."
'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."
"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."
"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343dating app GIFGiphy
If anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.
Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.
Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.