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Gay People In A Straight Marriage Explain How It Happened

'Til YOUR death do us part!

People's love stories and intimate relationships is first and foremost... "Nobody else's business!" They are however constantly fascinating. How two people or.. three or... four make it work is a miracle. It's difficult accepting yourself and in this current climate in life it's often terrifying to be public about it. So people will hide themselves and try to 'make it work' in a relationship that is probably doomed.

Redditor pbntm wanted to discuss the inner workings of mixed marriage; mixed being...

Gay people in a straight marriage, how did that happen and how is it working out?

Maybe next year. 

"I'm not sure if I'm really 100% gay, but over time I just kind of lost interest in men. It wasn't always like that. When I first met my husband, we had plenty of sex. No orgasm for me but I remember enjoying it. But like a lot of relationships, the passion faded. After a decade or so I realized that non only did I no longer desire my husband, my fantasy material had changed."

"If I see a pretty woman on the street, it turns my head and makes my heart flutter. If I see an attractive man, I'm curious about his diet and exercise routine. I regularly develop strong, painful crushes on the women around me. I've never been romantically interested in a man other than my husband, ever. All in all, I think I'm at least mostly gay."

"As for our marriage, he knows. We've discussed it at length. We still love each other and are compatible in every other way, so we're staying together. Over a year ago, we agreed I could date women outside of the marriage, but dating is hard and scary and takes time and energy, and I haven't had any. Maybe next year."6079_WSmith

Thanks Religion.

"I grew up in religion and I just had no idea that I was queer. We were already married several years before I realized it. I honestly didn't know you could be homosexual. I had been taught that was a fake thing. I thought the way that I thought about women was how everybody thought."

"I am in pain a lot of the time about it but my husband is absolutely wonderful, and we have an amazing life together, so I choose to do nothing about it."sweetcarolinekisses

For the Coin. 

"Did it just for the money. Wife is gay and her parents are wealthy, conservative. All of her sisters already married even though she is the oldest. She wanted a sham marriage to get her parents off of her back and I wanted $200,000 plus the lifestyle of my choice while I'm with her."

"We have a sham shared bedroom for when the in-laws are over but normally I sleep in the office where the gaming PC is and she sleeps in the master bedroom. I can't have girls over, but I am free to do whatever I want in my free time. She has had women over sometimes and she explains to them that I'm her gay roommate/personal trainer."

"What's the end-game here? I never want to get married anyway, but if I want to start a family within the next 5 years I will have to pay back the 200k, with interest. I've already tripled this money though so that's fine."

"Her end-game if I leave? I don't know, but I'll assume she can just tell them that I was unfaithful too many times. The in-laws ask about children, but we keep putting off the conversation."InclusivePhitness

Just Rub it Away.....

"I know an LDS couple where the man is gay and the woman is lesbian. Openly. He blogs about it. But because according to their faith it's wrong, they got married and had children. It was almost like it was a "program" of the church - connecting homosexuals of different genders in order to ensure they quell their "urges". In his blogs he talks about her more like she's a good friend and companion, but there's clearly no Eros there, no spark that glues them in that way."

"On the one hand, it's sad. On the other hand, who the heck am I to judge how people who have different values than I do live their lives? It's weird to me, but it seems to work for them as far as it goes."

"Still tho, I wish dude could just rub up on another dude and be happy."RogueModron

Oh Auntie....

"My Aunt was gay but just kind of denied it for years. She eventually married a man who was basically her best friend and just kind of pretended to be happy with it. She eventually gave birth to her only son (my cousin), but a few years after that she finally came to her own realization that she just wasn't happy pretending she was straight. She came out to her husband at the time about how no matter how much she tried to be attracted to him and love him as a husband, it hurt her inside to do it. And he was... surprisingly accepting of it all things considering."

"He had apparently picked up that she seemed to be in distress whenever they would try to make things work, and for awhile he had blamed himself for it and thought it was his fault for putting her through that pain. So in reality he was somewhat relieved. They both mutually agreed to separate, and were divorced. Both found new partners, they remained great friends, and my cousin lived a pretty balanced life despite having to jump between 2 houses from time to time."C3POH66

"dated"

"When i was younger i "dated" an older married man for cash, i felt awful doing it but i did what i had to."

"Hearing about his family made me sick. He claimed he would never leave his wife because of their son's health problems, I'm not sure what they were exactly was the issue, but the son was older than me and still living at home."

"I begged him a few times to leave his wife, not for me, but for her, i truly believed he needed to be honest with her, this man had been unfaithful since the day the met. He constantly remarked if she would just die it would solve all his issue, hearing this would make my skin crawl." Sister_rayon

The Wool Puller....

"My dad was gay. He got married for status and propriety, and basically told me as much later in his life. He effectively pulled the wool over my mom's eyes until after my older brother was born. I guess I should be glad they still had me, even though I'm certain she knew by that point."

"I recently found a couple of letters that my mom had sent him during these years. She was absolutely miserable and remained depressed through the remainder of her life."

"He was honestly a lousy dad, and things weren't really much different when he finally jumped ship in my teens. I realize much of his anger and emotional distance may have had its roots in a self-loathing born of a deeply homophobic era. That doesn't change the fact that he basically ruined my mom's life in order to project a desirable social image."

"So to answer the question, it didn't work out so hot."gertalives

Besties....

"From what I remember of my ex-best-friend, both of his parents were gay and after moving from their country that was pretty against their skin color (and sexuality we later learnt) later divorced and have their own same sex partners now."Black369Ace

The Needed Truth...

"My spouse didn't admit to themselves that they were trans until five years into our marriage and so they didn't feel the "need" to inform me that from their perspective they were a gay male whereas from my perspective they were a straight female."

"So the short of it is that they lied to themselves and me for all that time, even going so far as to omit other former relationships from their "full" list that would have clued me into the truth of the matter."

"The truth came out when it was time to have kids and they couldn't go through with it even though it was a pretty big intention we both expressed before marriage."lightknight7777

The Future?

"My parents expect me to marry a girl. The impending crap show that will occur when I come out (22 rn, I have no idea when it'll happen) is not something I'm looking forward to."Riko-Sama

It's Cultural... 

"I know a gay person here in Africa who is married. His culture expects it and so he has gone along with it. Even has a kid--it's his for sure because they look like twins. Nonetheless he identifies as gay, not bi. He is very effeminate and it's more like an open secret that he's gay. But since marriage in his culture is more about a social arrangement rather than love it's not a big deal."

"He has a very good job and she wants to be a housewife and so I guess she is ok with the situation. It is kind of funny to me when all his gay friends are over visiting him and his wife is there."

"Does she know about him and his friends? I asked him once and he said she doesn't know anything, but I asked one of his gay friends and he said she knows everything."ontrack

Don't Ask, Don't Tell...

"Not me but my uncle. Married his wife as an alibi. She was a young single mom with a daughter. So she got a man who raised her daughter and my uncle got a family so no one asked questions. A few years ago they broke up, but stayed married and still are best friends. When he finally came out to everyone a few years ago a part of our family cut him and everyone who supported him off. But he's happy now with his lovely boyfriend and he enjoys finally being able to be himself."

"I talked to my aunt about it and she said, she didn't know from the beginning and really loved him, but always had a feeling. She's still in love with him but she knows it's not his fault and he was the greatest husband and father and he's still her best friend."SaschaCawa

Love you mom...

"Not a first person experience, but my buddy in high school's mom was gay. She had extremely homophobic parents and denied that she was gay the majority of her life. She married and had kids, don't ask me how that worked out. They divorced eventually and both remarried, now he has 4 parents."TH4TS4M4ZING

Gay or straight... be kind! 

"Not me but my dad. He came out last year, I'm now 25 and have three sisters. Our childhood was pretty good, didn't really have any idea until he came out to us all. He tells us he's always known."

"When he came out I was the only one that really accepted him, my family was quite religious at the time. He left my sick mother and moved to the other side of the country to be with a new boyfriend. Now they want to move into the house he and my mother built together."

"Now, none of my sisters talk to him. Slowly I keep getting more and more information about what was going on throughout my childhood. Reports of cheating and huge amounts of crippling debt are making their way to me and making me rethink my childhood. Part of me feel that I don't really know the man who is my father. I still love him but this secret he has had to carry around for my whole life seems to have caused him to make choices that have hurt our family."

"Not really the best."jazzvibe

Safe Sex... 

"Had an uncle in this position."

"He was legitimately in love with his wife (they were high school sweethearts) and they had four kids, he just wasn't sexually attracted to her. Eventually he cheated, caught a serious STI and at that point came clean. They divorced."

"It was a bad situation for everyone involved in the end."sirgog

Carry on girl! 

"I am South African. My family is very religious and homophobic. They will literally rather die than have LBGTQ daughter. I am in a secret relationship with a girl. They think she is my roommate/ best friend. So we are able to get away with it. I know a closet gay African guy in my situation and he is willing to marry me as a cover up for both of us. However, my girlfriend does not agree and will not allow it. So stressful and depressing."

"I woke up to all these amazing messages , thank you so much for your help. And Encouraging words. Working on permanently moving to Another country. I have been traveling out of South Africa multiple times with short stay visas. Working on getting permanent residency. Thank you all for the kind messages. ❤️💚"ibabaka

Therapy is fun! 

"My ex came out after 8 years of marriage and 2 kids. He sexuality was deeply suppressed due to her upbringing and was only uncovered while in therapy for other issues. 10 years later, I'm happily remarried, the kids are doing well, and she is in a same sex relationship."Canucklehead_Esq

In & Outed! 

"I'm a lesbian from a religious and conservative area/family that heavily considered doing this as a teenager."

"However, my good friend (who is also gay, and in the closet) had a really hard time when his father came out as gay. He had been having an affair with a man for awhile and it just broke his mom's heart. She was very upset, and rightfully so... not only about the affair but that her whole marriage and relationship was a lie. My friend was upset by this too, and ended up coming out because he didn't want to do this to anyone. I decided soon after I'd never marry someone I didn't love, because it wouldn't be fair to them."

"Ended up coming out in my mid-20s and my family was super accepting and I currently have a gorgeous, intelligent and very patient fiancée my family adores."

"I have strong feelings about this... I understand the pressure to conform and the fear of being "outed" but you have to consider the other person as well."Icarus_Dee

4 is the best #!

"This used to be so commonplace that Southern grannies of my Nana's generation even had a word for it. A 'white marriage' was when one or more homosexual people got married in what looked like a hetero union, but the actual situation was based on a deep friendship. One might see a lesbian lady and a gay gentleman pairing off to keep up appearances, a straight lady and a gay gent, a pair of asexuals, or any combination. And so long as they were happy and kept any drama to themselves, it wasn't a problem."

"Of course, there was also such a thing as 'practically double twins' or a 'merry foursome' which in Nana's generation's slang was when a pair of white marriages were clearly just the best of couple friends, did everything together, and everyone in town would sort of smile at what close friends these two obviously straight couples must be. Certainly not two gay men and two lesbians. Definitely not. Right."

"And the whole town just kind of went along with that, because friends are adorable and couples are adorable and happy families were so rare in the Flannery O'Connor-esque Southern Gothic horrorshow that was life back then, a slight suspicion here or there wasn't really that big a deal. Apparently Nana's childhood best friend's grandparents were a merry foursome whose respective kids had paired off after the one returned from boarding school, and the whole family was very happy. Their family is still friends with ours."spiderqueendemon

Mic. Drop! 

"Dare I say.... bi-accident." Morwen_Kalir

"This is the only correct answer. I love it!"I_try_and_fail

Sorry for your loss...

"My husband came out as gay last month and now we are getting a divorce after being with each other for 17 years married for 2 i met him in the 4th grade as a friend and we evolved from there... he said he can't be with me anymore and although I am doing better I am absolutely still devastated any of this is happening." BBQpringles

The Wavelength...

"I'm super late, but I'm a straight Male married to a gay woman. Sexuality is definitely a spectrum. If super straight was 1, and super gay was 10, she cruises at about a 9. She identifies as Pan, but definitely favors innies."

"She's had more girlfriends than me. She was married previously to a man. When she decided to leave him, she had pretty much given up on guys. We were really good friends. The kind of deep personal bond that you get with someone, where even if you've only known them for months, it feels like years. We are on the same "wavelength" on some many things. Eventually we stopped pretending like there was no sexual chemistry between us and started dating. Married a few years later."

"We have a very healthy sexual relationship. Some might call it alternative. I understand she has desires that I, as a man, can't fulfill. I have no problem with her fulfilling those desires with others. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. But with love, understanding, a strong friendship as a base, and compassion, we make it through."ShortyLow

No sex please...

"Not married but been together for 3 years. We met through a mutual friend. He's always known I'm gay. We had 3 months was an extremely, extremely emotionally intense friendship. He's the nicest person I've ever made and the person I wish I was. Could not adore him more. Still can't."

"Then we started hanging out one-on-one constantly. I knew I completely 100% loved him emotionally and wanted to see if I could make it work. I was always the one who suggested and initiated everything. He was always hesitant because he knew I was gay and needed to feel sure it's what I wanted. Plus he had never done anything before- not even kissing. All of the firsts were fun and exciting because it was he was so happy and amazed and thankful."

"And then 3 years whizzed by. Still not "out" to friends and family about it, though at this point they pretty much know. It's working out as good as possible. We're technically poly, but I've made no efforts to date other woman recently because of my depression. We've had an active poly relationship in the past which me and him handled decently well."

"Our emotional connection is fantastic. We were soul mates in the first couple months of knowing each other, and that hasn't changed at all. He's thoughtful, intelligent, hardworking, dependable, sensitive, kind, witty, adorable: he embodies every value I care about and is the best friend you could ever have."

"Plus sex isn't the worst thing ever. I'm indifferent and "bleh" more so than disgusted or traumatized. Feels like I'm just doing my best friend a weird, mildly gross favor that makes them far more happy than it makes me feel icky. Penetrative is the one thing that really fucks me up because of the physical pain, so it's very rare and I'm always the one to initiate it. In general I get a lot emotionally out of pleasing him. We both get a lot out of making the other person happy."

"But that only goes so far. I know I'm not sexually satisfied and it's not enough for me to just have this one relationship forever. I've told him that and he knows. He's always known. We're just enjoying it for what it is as long as it makes us both happy. I think that's as much as you can ask for in any relationship. Or just in life, really."Geigas

Pray it away...

"Child of a gay man who married a woman to be a good Christian here."

"He left my mom with two kids to have a string of partners, eventually marrying a millionaire. He lives with his husband in an actual mansion while his ex wife and children live in a tiny house that we can't afford/repair. Holes in the siding, leaky pipes and roof, dilapidated wooden monstrosity that used to be a deck, family of squirrels in the attic we can't get rid of, etc."

"He at least texts me sometimes, so that's nice. I love the guy, but he's responsible for a whole lot of pain and misery. Don't start a family to stay in the closet. It isn't your life you'll f**k up, it's theirs. I mean i'm glad I exist, but I don't like being a chapter in my dad's life that he would clearly rather forget."saltinstien

Thank you Josh...

"For anyone interested in this, there is a very long running blog by Josh Weed about doing this for fifteen years. He is LDS and recently came to the conclusion that they shouldn't have been proponents of this, people were hurt due to their example, and are getting amicably divorced so they can live their lives to the fullest. It's a good read."Maebyfunke37

Duck and cover...

"Not me but my Uncle in Law, had homophobic parents. Married his best friend, a lesbian with homophobic parents. Their marriage was the perfect cover, they claimed they were infertile (tbh i doubt they even tried to see) and instead adopted three kids and raised them. They secretly dated what others just thought were there best friends. Once both sets of parents had died they told a few close friends and family but they stayed married and still live together etc."lucozadeprincess

You can't hide forever... 

"My old boss is gay. He had two kids with his ex-wife and until the kids were about 2 and 3 he finally couldn't hide his true sexuality from his wife. Apparently he told her the truth and how he still loved her a lot and how he loves his kids and wants to make it work."

"She let him talk and he knew she would listen. What he didn't know was how CRAZY homophobic she was. She went mental and took his kids to the United States, stole his money and sent him divorce papers in the mail like the next week basically. He signed the papers because she promised he'd see his kids every other week and she'd send him back half of the money she took but she needed it right away because she couldn't bear to be near him. You can imagine how this played out."


"As far as I know he's still trying to see his kids more than once a year and because she's in another country it falls on really messed up rules plus she keeps avoiding the cops. Apparently she just randomly shows up once a year at his house at random times of day on a day he would least expect it so she can avoid the police here and he has no idea of her whereabouts at any time. It's messed up I feel really bad for the guy."

"It's been years since I talked to him last so I don't 100% know how he is now but like I said I hear he's still fighting for his kids who are now in their late teens and seen their father a handful of times since she bolted. From what I hear him and his boyfriend have been together for a while now and are having talks about getting married so I hope everything works out for him."MilitaryFish

Make it work...

"My dad came out when I was in middle school. He and my mom are still really good friends, and they probably talk everyday. Instead of divorcing, they stayed together - although separated - for financial reasons until I went away for college. My mom and I lived on the 3rd floor of an apartment building, and my dad on the 1st. I'd alternate dinner nights with the two of them. We still spent most holidays together. Although now, my mom lives with her new husband. Both are very happy, and I don't think there are any regrets."DickVitalis

Cheers!! 

"[MARRIED A LADY] We lived together for 3 years as really good friends and we divorced and she went on to marry a close friend of mine and i am in a long term gay thang so it all worked out great!"samuelma

Happily Ever After...

"Me. As a scared Mormon boy, I told myself growing up that the only person who could decide if I was gay was me and so I decided I wasn't and swore never to tell another soul. Got my first girlfriend in my late 20s and married her, had kids, etc."

"I was all in and congratulating myself for doing the right thing and making it work until my wife decided it wasn't working. She is now engaged to her girlfriend." Nowayucan

This was a very interesting and enlightening read!

Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.

People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley

Remember

"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt

Imagination

"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."

RedditbOiiiiiiiiii

"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."

monobarreller

Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."

– GTFOakaFOD

"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip

Yikes!

"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User

"Oh."

– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"

Sensations

Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."

PeachesnPain

Recovery

"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."

good_golly99

Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."

rayrayrayray

Free

The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."

TooReDTooHigh

This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.

Shocked

Giphy

"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."

Admirable_Buyer6528

The SOB

"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”

1-cupcake-at-a-time

Colors

"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"

Hannah_LL7

"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"

huntokarrr

The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."

Fluffy-Hotel-5184

Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."

Hot-Refrigerator6583

Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.

Shopping

"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.